Q relapsed almost a month ago, after 15 years clean from everything - no booze, no weed, nothing. Before that, Q was addicted to crack/cocaine, and was also consuming alcohol & weed.

Q started attending weekly meetings approx 3 weeks ago. This past weekend he texted "I'm sorry", so I called him. He said he smoked a joint with another meeting member after the meet was over. And then drove.

I asked what their end goal with recovery was. He said, "I'd like to be able to smoke weed casually or socially." Is that even possible for an addict? The rest of the family believes no, but just curious about all of your experiences and opinions. Thanks.

Hello - My name is Madison Surrett. I am a fourth-year student in the School of Professional Psychology at Spalding University in Louisville, KY. I am inviting you and others you may know to join in a study about caregivers of those with substance use challenges (a caregiver here is defined as someone providing physical, emotional, mental, and/or financial support). The purpose of this study is to explore the experiences of those who are helping individuals with problematic substance use.

To participate, you must be 18 years or older and believe yourself to be a caregiver of someone with problematic substance use. You will be asked to complete a 15- to 25-minute online survey. You will answer questions about your life as a caregiver. These questions look at your view of individuals with problematic use. You will also be asked how caregiving affects your physical and mental health. You will complete this through the online survey linked below. Responses will be anonymous and cannot be linked back to you. Also, there is no penalty for withdrawing from this study at any time.

If you wish to participate in this online survey, please click the link below.

https://spalding.questionpro.com/TheCaregiverImpact

If you have any questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to contact me at msurrett@spalding.edu.

Thank you for your time and consideration!

My boyfriend is addicted to ketamine. When he’s using, he just seems generally out of it and not there and will forgot about things that we have just talked about within 15-30min range.

He told me hasn’t used recently. We just got back from a show where he seemed off and I thought he was using. I feel like I have a right to be afraid that he is.

A person there had slept over our apartment before, and we had a short chat about it. When I saw them later in the night he asked if we’ve met before. Might have been a joke that I missed but again I feel like I’ve been so hyper-vigilant about it that it set off alarm bells for me.

I struggle with social anxiety and didn’t come out of our bedroom for a majority of the time that person was there.

I’m aggravated and terrified, so I asked multiple times and was upset about it.

In response he asked me if I ever did meet them since he didn’t think I came out of the room at all (as a dig at me).

I feel like it was an inopportune time to bring it up after what was a relatively fun night. I’m sitting here now feeling angry and stupid. Did I ruin it? What the fuck am I doing wrong by worrying and caring for his health and safety?

Not sure what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe someone to relate to. Idk. My younger brother (22 y.o.) got into fentanyl about a year or so ago. We found out and he got clean on his own and was clean for about 10 months. He relapsed and very quickly after that overdosed. This was the worst of the 3, because he wasn’t found for hours and his body and organs were shutting down. Not even a month later he overdosed again. We’ve been actively trying to get him into treatment and want help. He went to inpatient for a week and then left without telling anyone (this was in between his first 2 OD’s). And now, just over a month later, he overdosed again on Thanksgiving night. I was doing very poorly for the first 2 months. Using all my energy on constant anxiety. Not eating or sleeping. I am a mom and a wife and obviously wasn’t doing well in that department either. I tried to have my mom kick my brother out but she isn’t cooperating- let him back in. Keeps enabling etc. So for the last 2 weeks I’ve kinda let go of it all and started focusing more on my little family and taking care of myself. I go through many feelings- angry, sad, lost, hopeless, frustrated, used, etc etc. Feeling a lot less insane since kinda taking my distance. But also still have a guilty feeling anyways. Any guidance would be good. Thanks for reading.

What can I do to help my dad get sober? I’m an adult but it kills me to see him always high. Ever since I was a child he’s struggled with Xanax addiction which has unfortunately manifested to addiction to additional pills, cocaine/crack, meth, and fentanyl. He’s overdosed and died twice now and brought back. He’s so lucky for this. I’m worried the third time he won’t be able to be brought back. I’m just at a loss on what to do. I give emotional support and talk on the phone every single day. I just want him to get better and be happy. It’s emotionally draining for me, but at this point I’ll do anything to help him get sober. Anything that has worked for you please share. He’s getting older and I want him To at least have some sober years left in his life.

Question— if someone were in a methadone program they would have “proof”, correct? Proof meaning a treatment plan, a drug interaction printout (like from the pharmacy), a confirmation or enrollment, appointment reminders— things like that, printed or email. My brother is about to lose his living situation and is desperate for help. Says he’s not using and is in a court ordered methadone program. Part of me wants to help, and part of me thinks it’s more lies. I want to see receipts. I don’t want to be an enabler but it’s kinda killing me knowing the situation he’s in, while I prep Thanksgiving. I know many of you are feeling the same today. I’m sorry and you’re not alone ❤️

Yesterday was my 6th anniversary trip with my boyfriend. We were in the mountains and I knew he had plans to propose soon. Something had felt off the last few months and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it- I didn’t know what it was (strange trips to the gas station, long sits in his car, sudden mood changes, etc).

So last night I went through his phone. Partly to see if he had the ring yet/ partly because my gut told me something was strange here. I found out he has been addicted to Kratom, Valium, and Adderall on and off for the entirety of our 6 year relationship. He had notes about him going through withdrawals and prayers to stop in his phone. I had no clue what those substances were so I googled and am now horrified. I left a note saying that I read it and I couldn’t do this anymore.

He woke up and read it and was enraged. Deflected over and over about how he was sick and I’m not supporting him. That it’s been the hardest for him because he’s had to keep it a secret because he knew I would leave.

I have never felt pain like this. Every second I’m thinking back to when I asked about something that wasn’t adding up, or asked about something I saw that he lied to my face about. I broke up with him but we live together which puts us in a strange situation. I ordered a new bed that gets here this weekend that will help distance me in the meantime but he’s pretty adamant that he won’t participate in life without my agreeing to be in a relationship with him. It’s all manipulation and I know this- but the shock is still here. I had no indication this was his problem. I want nothing more than for my life to go back to how it was, even though that wasn’t authentic either.

I’ve also read a ton about people getting through it. I’m not really naive and I think I would be crazy to stay. So now I go to my family for Thanksgiving and have to hear them ask about him incessantly while I hold off tears that I just lost my entire world overnight. Advice would be great.

Just a vent. This is such a no-win situation.

Come home early from work and Q is “cleaning again” I'm like oh, fuck. Happy four-day weekend to me!

Do I accuse Q of using? Nope. That is pointless, we know what they will say.

I do tell Q to stay away from the HVAC equipment. And to put all his crap in one place because it looks like a meth den in here! Oh, there it is, the conflict to start a fight they are looking for. (how dare I have a reaction, that is not allowed.) He is being accused, the horror!!

I say if you are using that is between you and the god you believe in. I will say that you are acting erratic and it is uncomfortable. So after he takes that of me calling him a go-nowhere addict and leaves more unfinished projects all over the house. He comes and says, yeah you're right. I'm acting high af. I’m like well if you are, try to focus on cleaning off your bed, drink a protein shake, some water, and take a Serqueol to crash. Because this is going nowhere good. He thinks that is a good idea.

I'm just supposed to be like a piece of the wall and watch Q spiral and talk crazy as I know he is at the come down point. They really teach nothing on how to deal with this while the Q is in rehab. My takeaway is they don't care about the family. The rehab just wants to use up what insurance will pay for and say ciao.

Am I dealing with this right? Absolutely not. I loathe this is normal and I know how to be a tweaker whisperer to calm him down and not feed into a spiral.

Can I control if he will do the suggestion?Nope

Should I just say GTFO of my house and try and enjoy life like a normal hardworking, tax paying, and law-abiding citizen? Oh, yes! I really should do that but I have issues too now and won’t because I'm terrified and an enabler.

I HATE THIS IS MY LIFE AND I JUST SIT HERE!

I just hope he crashes out and I grow a pair and take control of my life again.

Edit: Thank you for listening. I have become the Q to those in my life. Nobody wants to be around me as they watch me distance myself and destroy my life dealing with this. It is so damn lonely.

Edit edit: I putting here what I put in a comment to tell myself this is where I need to need to draw the line:

“He uses anything. Fetynal included. Anything is his drug of choice. I guess he scored meth this time around.

Edit: I guess all he could afford or barter with what he stole this time around. I hate all of this!! Who knows what the rest of the night has in store? I don't even keep foil, straws, or cash around. I notice the smell of crushed percs being smoked but don't get the logic. Lots of puke afterward. I don't understand any of this or why I live like this!

Edit edit: I do have some foil for baking in my wall safe. This is insane to type out but it is real. I know keeping foil in my safe won’t stop it. He will find foil! And knows the inventory in the safe and would find a way to break into it if I kept anything of true resale value in it. Foil and paperwork isnt worth the effort because the account numbers on the paperwork have been blacked out.

I wish he used 1/4 of the effort he uses to find drugs on improving his life. I also know it is not that simple but I can wish!

Sorry just ranting”

Update: My new Shark blow dryer is missing. Found what he stole and probably sold on a marketplace type app. Sigh

Hi All,

Long time lurker , first time poster . I am not new to narcotic addiction. How do you all deal with the constant meetings your NA spouse needs to attend in order to work the program and stay sober ? I know he needs to go to meetings for his recovery , but I cant help but feel annoyed by it all. I have two small children and feel like the work load of it all is on me after work , while NA spouse gets to focus on his recovery, while his home life is kept nice and tidy by me. 😑 I’m happy he’s sober . We’ve worked through our relationship at Couples Counseling and when he is home he truly is a present parent. I just can’t help feeling jealous of partnerships where addiction isn’t involved. It freaks me out that he will never be truly recovered. He will always have to work at it , and that our life could be unraveled by him at any moment by going back to the drugs.

I left my Q 2+ years ago. Kindest, sweetest soul in the world. I couldn’t handle the roller coaster of emotions that was loving an addict. Today no one knows where he is, if he’s even alive. His family is in another country and I’m sure they’re worried sick. I still think about him and feel guilty. I left this relationship because I was worrying so much, and here I am, still wondering if he’s alive. What the fuck. Please someone tell me what has helped you cope

Saturday night he was high as a kite over the phone on his way down to meet a friend he does drugs with. They were together earlier this week and he passed out at his house.

Twice this week we were together and each time he interrogated me about his suspicions that I am cheating. I spend all my time worrying about his health and safety, caring for my child, neglecting my own self care, and trying to crawl out of the sadness. I have no desire to cheat. I just want him to be healthy, and be the person I fell in love with again.

When the sniffling over the phone became too much to ignore, I asked and he quickly said he’d call me back. I have been blocked since Sunday morning.

This is the pattern. He goes on a bender, resurfaces days later, apologizes and tells me how much he loves me. Things are fine for a brief 2/3 days. Then suddenly he shifts and suspicions resurface, he finds something to blame me for or for me to feel bad about and I’ll spend extra effort trying to reassure him pleading not to fight, but he runs off again and ghosts to get high. Or maybe he’s always high. I have no idea. But I’m so sad and tired and I should be done with this vicious cycle. I want it to end. But I want him back. It’s all so exhausting and unpredictable and I wish I could fix it.

Q Husband coming back from 2 months in rehab (1 In patient, 1PHP) . His first time going, first time in therapy, first time off adderall for 12 years (Which he needs but has been overusing/misuing for all 14 years), first time not drinking/smoking weed since 14. I have been holding down the house, working FT, moming 3.5 and almost 1 year old. And all is fine.

I am extremely anxious about him coming back. From what I am reading, we have a long ways to go. I have worked on myself and codependency, which is easier to do when he is not around. I am not even sure I love him still as in to be married. I am maybe wanting to be naive and hopeful, and try to rekindle. Looking for ways to process I guess. I just keep thinking about how bad things were before he went, how mean, how much yelling was happening. And he says he will come back and be good dad and father. Well, I guess itll be our one last shot, and I know I wont be yelled at or disrespected in front of my girls or Ill walk.

My wife and I have a blended family of 4 offspring. One of her daughters (she has two) was lost to addiction while we raised her son for 15 years. I'm happy to say, she is married, doing well, gainfully employed and has a good relationship with us and her son. She is in her mid thirties.

Her other daughter has been married for a couple years. We knew she was a dabbler, but was always in regular contact and seemed to have everything together. She was always encouraged to go clean. Then, over the past few months, she went radio silent. When my wife finally got a response, she was a screaming mess. She has completely rejected my wife and she is crushed. No other contact because she demanded we leave her alone. We feel confident that she is surrounding herself with her husband and in-laws that are enablers and abusers themselves.

Heart wrenching to know we may have to witness another multi-year crash and burn. And we're being shut out.

What's helped me heal

But I'm a year and 9 months into this journey since finding out about the addiction of my husband's. I thought I would share what's been helpful to me in healing.

1. Therapy. Specifically EMDR because I have trauma... Mostly from childhood but finding out that my dear husband have been lying and gaslighting me for years triggered a lot.

2. The concept of radical acceptance. So much anguish can come from not accepting what just is.

3. Boundaries

4. Putting my daughter first. Over any uncomfortable feelings, an anxieties. What's best for her is what I do even when it's hard.

5. Self care

6. Self compassion but also self reflection. Making changes within myself when needed but not beating myself up either.

Idk why I can’t let go of this relationship. We just had twins and I am just so done with him. But something always pulls me back in.

I need to be strong and get over this and move past it. I just don’t even know where to begin. Even in my most strong moments I cave in. How do I stay strong? How do I let this go? At what point does my mental health take priority?

I had to move back in with my father and his wife. To make a long story short I noticed changes in their behavior. They have a history of drug abuse including alcohol. They aren't drinking. They are using again. They smoke cr@ck at night. I found their pipe and brillo pad, whatever the copper ones are.

I can not confront them. They don't realize I know and if I do my dad will kick me out. I just started working again and his place provides some stability.

Do I continue to act like I don't know or do I let one of their friends know? Everyone thinks they are sober bc they don't drink. I can't imagine living with that lie. I don't wish this type of addiction on anyone.

I had to see my husband who I am separated from earlier when I went to retrieve some of my belongings from the house. The rims of his nostrils are dark red from dried blood. It makes me sick to see this. And I often wonder, really for no reason other than my own morbid curiosity, how much fucking blow does someone have to do to for their nose to just look this way. On top of the fact he never, in the last 6 months, has stopped blowing bloody chunks of mucus and tissue out of his nose. I've seen towels soaks in blood. I can't even believe at times this wouldn't make him stop using because it looks and sounds like a fucking nightmare.

Sorry this is so long, just need to get my thoughts out and maybe advice from those who have left a long term partner that you lived with (no kids)

I've been with my partner for almost 8 years and lived together for 4. I love him so much but he's being using coke for 6 years now (when we started dating he would take non prescribed adderal but was unable to get more so he stopped after the first year), he started coke socially but then became a everyday to start work, play video games, do anything in life user. I did try it when he first started but it wasn't for me and I haven't touched it since. This constant usage led to him having a stroke under the age of 30, where he was extremely lucky to not have any deficits but still continued to use after he left the ICU. It was a week long stay and him, myself, and a few of his friends were told by doctors that his coke usage was the main cause along with other life style choices (drinking, smoking, etc). I went through the house top to bottom to clear his stashes while he was in the ICU and messaging his friends hed use with to not let him have any due to the stroke but he'd meet his dealer and buy more when hed go to work. He even lied to me while we were at a resturaunt to leave and pick up thinking I wouldn't catch him. After months of trying I thought he was finally getting better, i got him to therapy. I was also doing at home drug test on him, he'd only tell me if he'd use if I threatened to test cause the test don't lie. He told me after 2 sessions his therapist doesn't think he needs therapy or counseling and also that I should be medicated/seeing a counselor of my own because it's anxiety causing me to worry about him relapsing. I believe it's because he hasn't been honest to me about his habit since he was released from the hospital and his behavior towards me ( he has never hit me, been late on bills, or cheated on me that I know of, which I'm grateful for but should also be bare minimum) When he'd use after that therapy session he'd blame it on me for making him stressed causing him to use or ignore me for hours since I'd make him angry by asking him to be strong when he'd go to the bars with his friends where we both know dealers are( and without me around). I began to see my own therapist and she help reassure me that I'm normal in my feelings and he uses gas lighting to make me feel responsible for his actions and feelings. I don't know why I didn't realize this til then and I started to see all the flaws of our relationship. I made the decision 2 months ago to leave when our lease is up in a few months to heal/find myself and allow him to get better for himself if that's what he wants and not just for me. The closer I get to our lease ending and telling him this the harder it gets and less sure i am of my decision. I have an exit plan, a place to live lined up, PTO to take me time if needed, a great support system to remind me why I made this decision, and so much to help. But it still so hard cause I love him and love what we have when we're together, our TV show nights, date nights, getting a kiss before working, Saturday mornings in bed, saying I love you. I imagine if we live somewhere else without the memories of his usage haunting us, not being so close to the bar where dealers are, it could be better is what I think. But it won't fix the underlying issue within him unless he wants to fix it and he's not there yet. No matter how much I wish he was and it hurts so much. I wanted us to get through this together and come out stronger but this is not something I can keep putting myself through. Maybe when he figures himself out we'll reconnect and be stronger but that may just be hopefully thinking, i don't know anymore. I don't know what to expect for my future since i struggle to picture it with him in 10 years or really any goal in 10 years

Thank you for reading my thoughts and sorry for rambling

Me (26f) and my mother (49) Live under the same roof due to some unfortunate events in my life, A little backstory, My mother has struggled her whole adult life with drugs, particularly uppers. I could say a whole lot about what she put me through and the abuse I endured but I'd like to get to my question here, Just a year ago I moved back with my mother, she was UNWELL, Going through psychosis and popping Adderall multiple times a day, I mean she even thought the DEA and some man from Russia was at our house. After years of abuse and loving my mom through her addition I made the call to get her some help, she had spiraled like i had never seen and i was terrified. She got off of Adderall and onto anti phycotics. For the last year my mom has made a complete 180, We have gotten so close and I got to see a side of my mom I didn't know existed,
She was loving, caring, cooking, taking care of herself smoking less, calm cool and collected, even more than me some days. This brings me to my point, A week ago I noticed her sleeping less. I thought nothing of it because we all have bad nights, But then I started noticing her face in her phone 24/7 scrolling so fast I don't even think she can read what's on her screen, like it's 24/7, I haven't seen her one time in the week not be on her phone scrolling like a mad person, I try to talk to her she just gives me small talk here and there, She doesn't pay attention to anything or anyone and is now up early in the morning (5am) when I leave for work on her phone, This woman wouldn't wake up before 10 the majority of her life. She's being weird, overly nice, her voice sounds weird almost like she's trying to force and certain tone. She's spent $500 in the last 3 days and her packages just keep showing up, Shes laughing at things that aren't funny, she's not eating much. She won't even sit down and talk to me, her excuse is she's just tired, That's been her excuse for a week now, the reason she's on her phone is she's tired, the reasons she won't talk to me is she's tired, the reason for everything is the same, BUT I know my mom, at the same time I have major trust issues with her from our past, I'm hoping this isn't the case but she seems so off to me, I've tried talking myself out of it, but I feel like I'm about to go through what I did before. Like does she think it's not obvious? I wish I could talk to her but it was cause a domino effect of more trauma I don't need nor want. She doesn't seem tired at all, she's very much awake alert and hyper focused on everything but me, like she's avoiding eye contact and long conversations for a reason. I really hope I'm not right, what does the seem like to you guys? Have you had a loved one relapse and try to hide it by doing odd things that keep them from interacting with you?

Last year my 30F brother 35M confessed me that he was using coke. It devastated me and I did everything in my power to support him.

He lives in another country very far from me, so it’s difficult for me to be with him and try to help him to get out of this.

We agreed that he was going to try to do it himself and, I said that if he wasn’t able to improve in 6 months he would have to go to rehab.

During that time, I found him a physiologist and a psychiatrist, so he could get professional help while he was on that journey. I tried to be very present as an emotional support and was always checking on him.

Time went by and he didn’t get any better, just worse and worse. He was using every single day during the whole day.

I decided to flight 11 hours to see him and talk to him and try to make him understand how loved he is and how important he is for me. When I saw him it was quite the shock. My heart broke. The person I was seeing it wasn’t my smart, funny older brother… it was a stranger who was basically homeless (with a roof over his head if that makes any sense), with a buzz cut done by himself and just sad and depressed. He had lost his job and wasn’t sure what he was going to do with his life, but refused to go to rehab.

A few weeks after I left, he told me he was ready to go to rehab and I had everything sorted out and ready for him just basically show up.

I spent months researching, reading about the disease, finding a place that was in budget because I was financing all of this. It was exhausting… but I didn’t want to give up on him. I’m basically his only family.

He stayed in rehab for two months and a bit, and decided to quit… that was in March. He stayed clean for a while and I found out last week that he has relapsed. His roommate found him on the bathroom floor unconscious.

Sorry for the long post… I guess I just don’t know how to help him or approach him. My family says to leave him alone because he’s an adult and I have done enough, but I can’t think like that. I can’t abandon him. I wouldn’t forgive myself if I cut him off and he overdoses.

I feel alone.

I've been struggling to find acceptance and to turn my will over.

I chose to leave my ex after a big relapse. He spent the next year and a half on the streets using, persistently contacting me (almost daily) and declaring his love for me. My boundary was to have little to no contact when he was actively using, but my heart never stopped missing him.

A few months ago, he found recovery and after a short while of me proceding with caution, he chose to not speak to me anymore. I'm heartbroken. I'm confused. I don't understand. I can feel the inner struggle where I'm not accepting and wishing it was different.

Hoping that someone has and is willing to share some ESH. Love you all.

Q is recently in recovery. He just started getting into contact with a friend that he used to use with after no contact for a year and a half. He originally said that he wants to just get closure, and I told him that it wasn't a good idea and there were other forms of closure like writing a letter. He called him anyway and he's saying that he feels like he needs to talk to him person and just once. Now he's saying he wants to spend time with him and wants me to go the few first times so he has a safety net. He's talking about working out with him and going to bibe study with him. He spent 3 hours on the phone with him today. I don't know how to assert myself without him feeling like he is being controlled. He has another friend that he talks to just as long that I have met and is a really wonderful influence who he met recently, and that doesn't bother me in the slightest. He is not working currently and I am providing for him.

My boyfriend of two years got kicked out of rehab for having sex with another patient and then lied to me and told me he got kicked out for selling cigarettes. After everything I’ve done to help him.

I have made strides in progress on focusing on working on myself and finding my peace and serenity over the past year. It might have taken me 3 years to get here, but did it. I am no longer with my Q, sometimes I still lie awake in the middle of the night with questions. I understand that addiction is a disease, and a dangerously progressive one. Can an addict be addicted to drugs their entire life? Starting from age 15 to over 60, if they can survive that long? I know fentanyl is lethal, but can you die from smoking it? Does your heart and body eventually give out? What about meth users, how do they manage to survive that long? Can you overdoes on meth? Do they eventually die from cardiac arrest? Infections from their scabs? STD’s? Why do they survive so long, to wreck so much havoc on everyone’s life? Does the desire to use ever go away after years or decades of dependency on the drug?

I found the most perfect Nar Anon meeting. ACA is not working for me but this is and I just wanted to acknowledge small wins ahhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!

My Q (is my husband almost 40) and me (36) have been together 10 years and he is a high functioning cocaine addict. He works away out of town and that is where he uses and uses a lot. He comes home to me and his 2 kids for 6 days and then will be coming down and showing physical and emotional symptoms of withdrawing.

I have been in active counselling for 2 years now to deal with my co dependency and trying to learn how to live with “the dragon” aka hjs cocaine addiction. I have never tried it nor do I have substance abuse issues so I don’t understand it.

The marriage has been really rocky lately. I’m tired of him using, saying he’ll get better, lying that he doesn’t use at work etc… with his addiction is me constantly having to fix issues. Fix finances, try and control his finances, managing the kids, my life and my job by myself. He will help around the house when I’ve finally hit a breaking point but otherwise is fairly lazy / Does bare minimum.

I feel bad wanting to leave the marriage but I also feel like I have no alternative anymore. He won’t go to treatment, just keeps saying “I’m slowing down”. Which he isn’t.

Every time I try to live my life / pretend that he’s not an addict something else comes up that have to take care of. He doesn’t get that I am never able to lean on him if something goes wrong in my life. He can only lean on me. (Recent example, my best friend accidentally had my credit card from a dinner out. She took it thinking it was hers. When I realized it we were leaving for a 2 night vacation the next day and I needed that credit card for the hotel etc. I asked my Q/ husband if for some reason i couldn’t get my card back in time if we can use his. He said no, his are all maxed out. Which we have cleaned up for 3 years in a row now. Get him back down and then he maxes out again every year.)

I feel scared, lost and I feel bad for him for leaving the marriage. I’m losing so much weight from the stress, I’m anxious. I want peace and consistency.

My Q has battled addiction for over 10 years, on and off opiates. He's been in and out of rehab, went to jail for DUI, and now for the last year he's been using Kratom. It's still swapping one thing for the other in my eyes, and it has affected our relationship greatly. He's been caught hiding it from me multiple times and would get angry and defensive if I called him out on it.

Despite this, I love him so much and he is a really great person. We've been together for 6 years, and for the last two years, I moved across the country for a job at a FAANG company, while he flew back and forth to make things work before fully moving in with me. When he first went away to jail, I was able to fully remove my attachment to him and move on from our relationship. He used so much before he went away, he disappeared from me and ended up in the hospital. His mother reached out to me and told me his kidneys were failing. After he recovered and when he was in jail, he would call me everyday. I was still "over" the relationship, but it was comforting to know that he still cared about me.

I was hesitant to have him visit me when he got out of jail, but I still cared about him. I let him come anyway, and I laid some boundaries for him if he planned to stay with me. At first, he was willing to change (he always would promise me that he would)

After about a year of him going back and forth from my apartment to his hometown, the Kratom use was nonstop. His family changed his cell phone number so that he didn't have access to hard drugs. I unfortunately live close to a convenience store, so he would walk there constantly and keep using Kratom. It is controversial, and a lot of people speak highly of it in the case of harm reduction. I also do not think there are studies yet of long term use of it. I do know that he couldn't function without it, and that he was uninterested in everything while he was using it.

This weekend, I told him I wanted him to consider going to meetings, and his response to that was that our relationship was unhealthy, and that he was going to book a flight back home.

It's only been two days, but I'm completely shattered. I came home from work to find all of his stuff gone from the apartment and some cash that I had from a card missing (that I opened in front of him). I also found in the garbage multiple empty Kratom packs. I'm heartbroken and in disbelief

I am 43 days clean and sober. Recently separated from my wife who is in active addiction with meth. Moved out of our shared home less than a month ago.

I woke up this morning just feeling so alone. Haven’t seen or really talked to anyone that I know including my wife. (She hasn’t tried to contact me either). Very few of my friends know that I moved. The ones I have told, who I thought were my closest, seem to be taking a hands off approach to the whole thing. Being that they all use or drink I know I’m better off.

But I wish I could have some closure. That I could tell these people how shitty they’ve made me feel. Once this thing blows over I don’t think I could ever feel the same about them again. I don’t want to see them socially and to get the same empty spiel of “oh man I’m glad you’re doing good we should totally hang out”. Or some sort of half assed apology. But what’s the point. I guess I’m just sad the I’ve come to the realization that these people never really cared about me to begin with.

I’m also angry knowing my wife is living her life with no interruption. She still socializing, still going out and having fun. While I work to afford the new apartment and take care of the dog she HAD to adopt. When she found out that our sweet dog was epileptic she asked me to take him with me. I honestly couldn’t allow him to stay anyways. But I’ve moved passed being sad, and what seems to be the stages of grief, I’ve accepted it. But sometimes I want to scream. It seems like no one knows the hell she’s put me through and why do I have to be the one to explain it. Why is it that I try to move on with my life she is still holding me back when she’s not even with me anymore.

Hiiii I’ve actually have never posted on Reddit like ever but I could really use some advice or words of encouragement on my (f/25) current situation with my dad (75).

Three years ago I lost my mother to an OD where she was smoking crack laced with fentanyl. Actually both of my parents OD’d but my dad made it. He was shattered and so was I.

He has been addict most of his life, minus a short period of time when I was born. Then he had a shoulder injury and was prescribed oxy… and has been on it ever since. It wasn’t until my late teens that my parents really started to get into crack, anyways.

My dad has been arrested multiple times since my mother’s passing for drug related offenses. He rents a property and lets a bunch of other addicts stay there as well as long as they help him with rent. He was recently caught with fentanyl in his house… and just a few days ago arrested again for what I’m assuming (class 1 felony drug w/prescription) is fentanyl again. The first time I gave him the benefit of the doubt that maybe it was one of his roommates, but now I see that he is most likely doing fentanyl now.

I am angry, disappointed, and sad. The rest of my siblings are estranged from him and want nothing to do with him. I feel obligated to be the one to figure his shit out, even though I am the youngest and furthest away. I have a video meeting with him on Wednesday and I know he’s just going to come up with some story to make him seem like he’s the victim and all of that. I’m tired of hearing excuses. I’m tired of worrying when the phone call will come, once again, that he’s OD’d and is dead. He’s 75, what I wish for him to do is go to rehab and then into an assisted living… but he is also very stubborn. If he doesn’t go that direction he will very much likely end up on the streets and dead within a few years. I just don’t know what to do.

Been with bf (33) for 11 years he has been using cocaine frequently for the past 5. We have an almost two year old that couldn't change him, my threats and ultimatums couldn't change him. And not only is the coke the problem but he drinks to excess dissappears for days and comes home to verbally abuse me. Decided to put an end to this maddness and end my lease for the condo we share ..We must move out in two months. His reaction was guilt tripping me, anger followed by some sadnesss but no promises to change . Did I make the right decision? He says am breaking our family