https://youtu.be/BRbp1hEAtPU

Hello everyone ,

Just like most reddit user i am a loner . I used to have friends but I had to move to study abroad .

I recently moved to Madrid , and I know nothing about this place everything seems scary and strange . Do you guys have any ideas to make some friends besides school my class mates are jerks

Lately, I've been noticing that no matter how much progress I make in certain areas of my life, I somehow end up falling back into the same habits and mindsets that hold me back. It’s like I’m taking two steps forward and one step back, over and over again. I’ve tried different strategies to break free from these patterns, but it feels like there’s something deeper that I just can’t figure out.

Have any of you experienced this? How did you break out of cycles that felt like they were repeating?

i’ve been experiencing some discontentment with in myself. i feel i’ve had a hard time adapting to a college school setting and i fear that i’ve become resistant to knowledge. i’m looking to challenge myself and improve my competency. i know i am capable of doing hard things but finding the will power takes guts. i feel as if my thoughts grow distant and leads to gaps in my ability to speak. it takes me a larger amount of time to select words that i feel would effectively describe things. i don’t know what actions can best resolve my issues. i try to pace myself but still end up feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. im still doing well in my courses but not to the degree where i retain all the important information. i’m still working on how to effectively take notes and condense information. i want to feel confident in all of my words without having the urge to refer to higher intelligence. does anyone else feel like this? is it a matter of repetition? am i trying to be perfect in everything i do? what can i sacrifice so that i can actually become self sufficient? does it all even matter in the end?

So back in the days when I studied Business Administration at a certain Uni, as a part of our communications class we were taught about logical fallacies . I want to know what field do such complex(to me at least) systems fit in, what do you even call those and where should I look if I were to embark on learning something similar? Looking forward to your recommendations Thank you

I’ve been searching for a good resource to help with my personal growth journey and recently came across The Lasting Change book. It seems promising, but I’m curious if it’s actually effective. Has anyone here read it? How did it contribute to your self-improvement and personal development? Were there any particular strategies or insights that really made a difference for you?

Lately i discovered i'm too dependent on other people when it comes to an emotional level. I felt like i want to start enjoying my own company more and embrace solitude as an opportunity to know myself better and cultivate inner strenght. Right now i do have a couple of friends, not close ones, but i do have them. For the longest time i've been terrified to be left alone (abandonment trauma) and i want to overcome this fear now. Hence the question: is it really possible to live/survive/thrive even with no friends around you? If so, how do you do that? I'm looking for insights and tips :)

After my graduation my life was on the uptick. After several failed relationships I met a guy I thought was really the person for me and who I could have an incredible life with. We met while I was in a program in D.C. and decided to go long distance. And our relationship has been rocky. He’s the guy who forced himself to improve, is financially responsible, and overall very successful and built a really good life for himself. Did I mention he’s 4-5 years older than me? However, he lied to me about his past, while it’s not anything direct it’s more so he lied to me he was in a relationship with someone when the reality is he really liked her but the never dated. He told me they dated for two years but in reality it didn’t happen. This caused me to constantly bring up the lying and why it made me hard to trust him. Regardless of it I still wanted to stay. To me he’s this amazing being and I am so much less than him. I decided to move out to D.C particularly because I like the walkable area and weather but also because I wanted to be near him. Now it is ending. We are one a break because he’s deciding whether he wants to stay or not. I realize after just recently graduating while he’s near his 30s I’m in my early twenties and I have so much to figure out that he’s known. I don’t understand personal finance. I don’t understand what it means to be a responsible adult. I can’t drive. Haven’t built the life that allows me to keep busy in healthy way. And I’m losing someone who has all of that. I’m scared that this heart break is gonna end me. I want to grow and become a person who is happy with themselves. Financially responsible. And the girl that could help myself. He was my best friend and was teaching me and helping me through life so much. Now it’s gone and I don’t know how to fend for myself. In a weird way I feel as if I am trying to become him because he’s the few people I know in my life who’s achieved all those things. I want this to be my own journey. What can I tell myself to make it that? All I’m thinking in my head is “become financially stable, build a routine activities that are healthy, have friends, be healthy; you’re trying to become him” it’s like he’s trademarked these monumental achievements in my heart. Please anyone give me guide or encouragement I’m all alone in new city never had a budget or paid rent or filed taxes. What can I do and is the world really still my oyster?

Occassionally, I muse about taking my life in a new direction. Starting a new job, taking up school anew, or even beginning a new big hobby venture. Being the thorough and careful person that I am, I always read up on it first. And there is one thing that I always find in my research, a red thread if you will, that binds all these things together:

Whatever you do, you have to feel passionate about it.

For example: I’m pretty interested in plants and animals. Maybe I should study biology? I thought the other day. I Googled ”should I study biology?”, read around a bit, video-watched around a bit, and then read around a bit more; what I found was: The important thing about studying biology is that you’re deeply passionate about it.

Welp, can’t say that applies to me. So it’s a no from me, dawg.

And I keep noticing the same over and over. Wanna become a carpenter? Gotta be passionate about it! Wanna do this, that or the other? Need passion!

Hell, at this point I’m starting to doubt if I should ever go to the bathroom again, because I’m not passionate about pooping.

Is there anything you’re ”allowed” to do in life even if you’re not passionate about it?

Join the army? Work in a factory? Watch Netflix?

My bestfriend has cut me off. Its been a month and I have been focusing on myself well. I have been reading,going out,and will start to hit the gym next week but I still find myself hurt knowing that he’s now getting along with a new friend. I have found out recently that they’re are hitting the gym together and has invited his new friend to go out shopping. Simple things but still hurts. I also cant seem to not focus on what he does. I dont think about him all day but I do think about him everyday.

I have been reaching out, not to be friends again, i have no hope that well be friends again, but to atleast have an explanation. A clear reason why he suddenly decided to completely cut me off.

Any advice as to what to do or just any opinion on the matter? I think I just need to know that I am not alone in this.

1. Physical win : have you done anything that’s beneficial to your physical health?
2. Mental win: have you looked after your mental health?
3. Spiritual win: have you nurtured your soul?

Credit to Jun Yuh

We’ve all been there — staring at our phones for the hundredth time, scrolling mindlessly through social media, and feeling like we’re wasting our day away. But here’s the thing: boredom doesn’t have to be killing off the time doing nothing. With a bit of creativity, you can turn those “I’m so bored” moments into opportunities for personal growth.

Here are 30 ideas to get you started:

Learn investing

Investing isn’t just for big shots. Learn the basics — it could be your starting point to financial freedom down the road.

Sit for skill development (and impress your friends)

Always wanted to learn how to knit? Or maybe you’ve been eyeing that piano in the corner. Pick up a new skill — you might surprise yourself with how quickly you progress!

Find a mentor

Reach out to someone you admire in your field. Set up a coffee chat to get to know them. Get some advice for your career, self-improvement, working towards success, or whatever you aspire to achieve.

Become a student again

Sign up for an online course about something you’re curious about. Let’s say you have always wanted to understand philosophy. There’s probably a free course for that. Find it out!

Get a handle on your finances

Yes, yes…budgeting doesn’t sound as boring as watching paint dry. But trust me, taking control of your money situation can be surprisingly fulfilling.

Read a book

Remember that novel collecting dust on your bookshelf? Now’s the perfect time to dust off. Whether it’s an intriguing thriller or a self-improvement book you’ve been meaning to read, losing yourself in a story can be entertaining and enlightening.

Start a journal (It’s like texting yourself)

Write down your thoughts, dreams, or even just what you had for breakfast. It’s surprisingly therapeutic, and you’ll love looking back on it later.

Sign up for an industry-related event

Look for upcoming conferences or workshops in your area. Register for one that catches your eye and block it off in your calendar.

Listen podcasts

Find some podcasts that match your interests. They’re perfect for multitasking — you can learn new things while doing chores or commuting.

Explore TED talks

TED Talks are a goldmine of inspiration and knowledge. With topics ranging from science to art, you might stumble upon something that sparks a new passion.

Freelance

Browse job boards for small gigs in your expertise. Take on a project to earn extra cash and expand your portfolio.

Catch up on what’s happening

Spend a few minutes browsing your favourite news site. It’s good to stay in the loop, plus you’ll have something interesting to chat about later.

Plan smart

Where do you see yourself in a year? Five years? Jot down some goals, big and small. It’s like creating a roadmap for your life.

Lend a hand

Ever thought about volunteering? There are loads of ways to help out, both locally and online. It feels good to serve, and you might make some new friends, too.

Get moving

Put on your favourite playlist and have a dance party in your living room. Or try that YouTube yoga video you’ve been putting off. Simply get off your couch.

Meditate

Close your eyes and spend a few minutes meditating. It might feel awkward at first, but stick with it. You’ll be amazed at how refreshed you feel afterwards.

Declutter your space

We all have that one drawer (or closet… or room) that’s a total mess. Organise and set it up! Future you will be so grateful when you can actually find what you’re looking for.

Let the chef in you out

Try making that complicated recipe you’ve always been intimidated by. Who knows? You might discover you’re a culinary genius.

Plan your week like a pro

Make a to-do list or schedule for the upcoming week. It’s satisfying as if you have partially completed tasks for the next week, and you’ll feel much more organised.

Touch up on your resume

When was the last time you updated your LinkedIn? A little tweaking now could open doors later.

Pick up a new language

Ever thought about giving Duolingo a go? Learning a new language can be fun and might even open doors to new cultures and job opportunities.

Have a quick read

Spend some time reading interesting articles or blog posts online. It’s an easy way to learn something new or just entertain yourself for a while.

Improve your social connections

Why not reach out to some old colleagues or friends on LinkedIn? You never know where a casual chat might lead — maybe a new opportunity or collaboration is just around the corner.

Netflix and learn

Pick a documentary on a topic you know nothing about. It’s like travelling the world or time-travelling from your couch!

Try your hand at DIY projects

Got an old piece of furniture lying around? Why not give it a makeover? DIY projects are a great way to flex your creative muscles and feel productive.

Create a vision board

Channel your inner creativity and put together a vision board. It’s a fun way to visualise your goals and keep yourself motivated.

Digital declutter

Tackle that mess of files on your computer. A tidy digital space can work wonders for your productivity and peace of mind.

Fix stuff around the house

Ever tried fixing that wobbly chair or leaky faucet? It’s oddly satisfying, plus you’ll save some cash. Win-win!

Do a meal prep

Spending an hour or two cooking up some tasty meals for the week. It’s a game-changer for busy days!

Garden get your hands muddy

Plant some herbs on your windowsill or start a small garden. There’s some pleasure in watching something grow because of your care.

So I hold grudges against people that have done my family wrong or me personally wrong. And I can’t seem to get over some of it, and I don’t know where it stems from specifically. Most of my life I lived with my mother, but my father was not absent. He moved to our families home country to work at a very good job. Without having any legal binding, he paid large amount to us to help us out with paying utilities and even my schooling. Now that I’ve gotten between 16 and 21( currently 21) we’ve been able to have a LOT more contact.

My dad and his side don’t speak to each other at all and most of their lives they spent having grudges against each other for various minor things. I don’t know if I’m take I don’t know if i’ve taken all the apparent genetic trait of grudge holding from my dad. But I have a similar difficulty letting things go even after almost 10 years.

My mother and my hyper religious aunt(the whole family is atheist but her) were arguing and my aunt hit some pretty hard jobs at my mom and she started crying. And almost 10 years ago I cannot forgive my aunt making my mom cry.

And even my old colleagues, almost 3 years ago didn’t pay me back for something, very very small amount <20$ and I can’t let it go either.

What should I do? I try my best but it’s so hard, bc they broke my trust or hurt my family.

I'm super weak to the point where i can barely do one push-up but today I did a plank for 1:20 seconds! I'm super hyped up. even though its average but who cares.

Update: ok so I've never been able to like actually touch my toes (not sure if its because my legs are long or what) but I've been doing yoga and i finally was able to! im super hyped.

For me, it was The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. The book starts off rather depressing, to be honest, but absolutely captivated me within a couple of chapters and I finished it the day I started it.

I can’t get it out of my mind, more than a week later, and I feel like it lit a fire in me to step up and do better.

Anyone else have a similar experience with another book or other type of content?

When I was little, I’ve always been extremely shy and socially awkward. I don’t know if it’s because I’m autistic, but I’ve ALWAYS had trouble reading social situations and reacting to them. I mean I’m not terrible at socializing, but I’m not that good at it either.

However, when I was in 9th grade, that’s when I really started to question why I was like this. Also, during this time, my dad was drinking heavily, parents fighting, dad cheating, and we were going broke, so I started getting serious about my Catholic faith to cope with it (since I was raised Catholic).

Although the church doesn’t try to teach us to hate others just because they do not believe in God, I truly believed that everyone who didn’t believe deserved to go to hell. And by the way, that’s like less than 70% of the global population that doesn’t believe in Christianity let alone the Catholic faith, so I genuinely thought that 70% of humanity would end up there.

On top of that, because my mom is from Vietnam and she didn’t have much experience dating american men (since she only dated one which was my dad) now that she’s stuck in this nightmare of a marriage with my dad she copes with it by praying to God. Because of her experience, she isolated herself from the world and she believes that everyone out there is bad and always out to get her because of the evilness in their hearts.

I believed her especially because during the pandemic I only saw my family and that’s it. Plus, I didn’t have many friends, so I thought that the reason for that was because I was one of the 30% that would make it to Heaven so even if I wanted to connect with others, it just wouldn’t be possible since I’m “good” and they’re ”bad”.

However, once I had to start going back to school in person again, I actually met a goof handful of people my age that were actually more mature and empathetic than me.

It baffles me now that I was actually baffled that people were better than me. Because I thought since only a few people were destined for Heaven, and I was hopefully one of them, then it should theoretically by hard to find people with good personalities and goals in life.

Before listening to the things my teachers had to say, I would first take it as blasphemous to God. Which even today I can argue that some of the stuff they said were kind of considered blasphemous, but really I was so sensitive to everything just because I believed that everyone was out to attack me and the church (though the church does get attacked a lot technically but that’s a discussion for another time lol).

Anyways long story short, I’m a senior in high school now and I’m actually going to gradudate tomorrow. However, even though I’m still extremely socially anxious and I don’t have any close friends because I want to work on myself before getting any, I’ve met so many nice and supportive people that truly want the best for me and everyone. Yes, there will always be those kids that only party and bully people who are uglier than them, but that doesn’t mean that the rest of the world sucks.

I personally am not Catholic anymore temporarily because I don’t believe that most of the world is bad and will end up in a bad place simply because they don’t believe in God. And unfortunately, my mom is still close minded and believes that everyone is evil. Although there isn’t much I can do to help my mom except help her cope and get out of this marriage and financial situation, I am really grateful that I got out of the hole of believing everyone is bad

I have been dealing with extreme loneliness for so long, and I want to learn how to not feel that way. I want to not want friendship or love, I don't think I can handle losing any more people. Whether it be by them actively walking away or simply losing the light in their eyes - interacting with me as minimally as possible.

Every once in awhile I will make a new friend or relationship, but due to whatever faults in my personality, I will lose them within a few years. My mother, who's never been a great mom to be fair, told me the other day that I'm manipulative and overwhelming and make everything about me; that there is always something going on with me and I need too much support for anyone to deal with. I really don't mean to do that at all, I have no idea when and how I do it, but I do believe her.

Recently, I've been having medical issues. Every doctor I've gone to has taken a look at my fat lady-bod and responded by telling me that it's something mental. Declining to even do the diagnostic tests that I request, and declining to give referral to doctors who would. It's been months and months and I have no real answers. I'm about to lose my job over it. I'm trying to get medical leave, but even that is proving difficult.

I just feel like, whether the support is requested from family and friends or the financial transaction of modern medicine, I am at a loss to find anyone who truly cares.

I do understand that everybody has their own lives but, throughout everything I've been through, I've always tried to lend an ear when needed and even give thoughtful gifts to remind them that they're cared for. I hoped for reciprocation but know it isn't mandatory; but I guess I'd hoped?

So I guess I'm reaching out for any advice, really!

1. How to control my life so that I'm emotionally self-sufficient.
2. Or how to stop over-explaining, over-whelming, over-sharing, over-needing over humans and just generally being too much for my those who know me and too weird for those that don't.
3. Or both optimally.

Thank y'all so much.

Not sure where to ask this but this should be as good as any place to ask. I struggle with setting boundaries because I'm scared to "offend" people with my boundaries that I now don't really know what those boundaries are? I'd love to be able to sustain a healthy relationship with anyone at this point other than my mother, but that fear of placing myself "above" someone else and being harassed for it scares me. The most I'll do is fake being sick when I'm emotionally burned out

These questions have been stuck in my head since quite a while. So I wanted to open up and get some new perspectives on it.

All my life I've been taught by family/friends but also by society that success and pursuing a career is (one of) the most important thing(s) in life. I came to a turning point in my life where I decided to quit my studies for several reasons. Everything I based my self worth on suddenly fell apart.

I used to base my value on:

• never giving up, accomplishing what I aim for
• being genuinely focused on my career and even putting my ambition first (even before my health), measuring my value in my achievements
• becoming successful in my job, being above-average, and therefore being proud of myself

So as you can imagine the conclusion would be:

• for quitting my studies I label myself as weak person with low endurance
• I question the importance of professional success, and started to put my mental & physical health and my personal happiness first
• I feel like a failure because of not achieving this academic degree and see my career opportunities as limited

That leaves me thinking: What do you base your self-worth on? Is it even possible to detach your values from your success or any achievements on the outside?

This is my second post here, and well, things have took a turn for the worse ever since…

(Quick recap of my life)

(This is a long one, go to the questions if it’s too long)

I live in a third world country, I had a privileged upbringing in a dysfunctional home, I really did not learn basic human skills until there was no one to do them for me, to give you an idea, I didn’t know how to clean my room until I turned 16 and only because my family went bankrupt, after that my father left leaving us with nothing but a paid off roof under our heads (which I know is a privilege nowadays) my relationship with my parents was never strong, it was really troubled actually, my dad (from my point of view) was a narcissist manipulative person who did not love my mother and hated me because he saw me as a liability and my mother was left traumatized after spending over 20 years of her life with who she thought was the love of her life only to be left in a shithole so deep she will probably never be able to have anything under her name again.

Learning about “normal” life after being used to something completely different while growing up was a whole “experience”

I think that remainders of this past lifestyle are what got me to this point, and I honestly don’t know what to do…

(Now this is the actual part)

When I turned 18, the first thing I did was apply for a job at at a call center, a really popular amongst english speaking persons in latin america

(Thanks mom and dad for making me go to English classes for 5 years)

This job lets you earn a salary above the minimum wage, which allows you to do a lot here

As soon as I saw myself with a little money I started to hang out with people from my past life, and I soon got hooked again, I missed the parties, the girls, the lifestyle. What I could’ve had if my family didn’t went bankrupt, this completely made me forget about how much we had to struggle for some time, I completely forgot about when it got so bad we did not had a penny to buy food

After working for some time, I found out about credit, and how easy is for banks to give it to you, and I am now learning the hard way that it can completely destroy your life

Credit qllowed me to go on vacations, party like I was still one of them, live a life that is not mine anymore (Keep in mind that my monthly salary was these kids weekend allowance, sometimes their daily allowance

I just kept swiping, buying and doing idiotic stuff that I’m now paying off

My debt is over 14 times the minimum wage here To put things in perspective, imagine someone in the US making 7.25 per hour being roughly over 16K in debt

My debt ofc is way lower that 16K, and I’m almost out of it, it’s just a matter of months before I finish paying it off and I don’t think I’ll be using credit anytime soon

I am putting myself through law school but I’m not able to go consistently, even though I love studying law, I don’t know why I’m not able to consistently go to school, I have now missed 2 semesters (I spent one of them hospitalized because of how poorly I was taking my health)

I am not able to keep a romantic relationship for long, and I’ve asked my friends about their opinion, they’re very blunt and that’s something I love about them, they told me I have narcissistic tendencies and that I’m really manipulative with my partners, that I like being liked by them but the second my girlfriends don’t act like I say so I will start to do thing no sane person could do to someone they love

They say I cheqt, lie and deceive without any remose whatsoever and this has me really worried, they tell me that I lack self awareness to a concerning level.

I feel like the most important people in my life are getting tired of how much of a mess I am, I am also getting tired of how much of a mess everything is right now, I want to do better, but I don’t know why it’s so hard

I am working a dead end job that I hate just to get by and make right about my mistakes I am constantly failing at it (missing shifts) not because I’m not good at it, but because of how much I hate it, I don’t know how much more I can take of this

My questions are

How do I stop trying to live a life that is not mine? Why is it so hard to accept that I’m not rich anyomore?

How do I get on track with my finances?

How do I get to know myself and how do I work through all of these behaviors?

I often feel lonely even when I’m sorrounded by people, I often feel like life is on autopilot, I don’t know what to do about any of this

1. Compromising beyond a limit: We all should clearly know that some things can be compromised however other things like self-esteem and dignity should NEVER be compromised

2. Not being limited editioned: We all know how difficult it can be to get our hands on limited edition items, and even if we manage to do so, we often end up paying a hefty price. However, being a limited edition does not mean that you should be hard to obtain. It simply means that you should shine in your own unique way.

3. Showing helplessness: It is okay to share your problems with others, but constantly displaying helplessness indicates weakness of character.

​

You have the power to name your worth.

I have a problem with making choices that are only short sighted. Not considering the various cases, not thinking if back up solutions, and so. I know I am a lazy person, and that’s probably why I am bad at making wise choices. How can I change this? Does it even get changed?

Should i quit and change careers? It will knocked down my income probably 60%

I work at a Oil and Gas Company, high paying job but no personal Growth, and no longterm stability. No life. I am Single, no kids, basically living for free. My rentals pretty much covers my expenses. I can't get myself to quit, because i feel stupid letting this job go. Im good at it and theyre good to me. And i promise myself that if i quit, i wont come back in the field anymore. So i need to be certain with my decision. I love real estate, i would love to own few more and build wealth from there. This job allows me to do that. But i feel stucked and complacent. Am i wasting my time?

Pros:

pays good, around 130k last year gross, (worked 235days ) i was able to get another house as a rental. I got 2 unit rental house and my primary. i have company truck to use they treat me well. Cant complain i can do lots of things while at work, trade stocks, manage my rentals, take online courses, stalk reddit.

Cons:

long hours 14hrs/day no schedule, i can work 36 days straight if needed. Or off work for a month boring job, if everythings good, just purely monitoring. doesnt challenge me anymore. no growth

How to ensure you feel full of energy to take on the day and feel joy inside?

I struggle with being succinct.

My tone is hardly confident enough.

I can't keep the audience engaged.

How can I become a better speaker so that I can manage clients better at work, connect with people during networking & interviews and strengthen connections during social events?

Any recommendation for any course would be great!

Recently, I had the opportunity to engage in an interview with Bold Journey magazine, during which I was prompted to reflect on the development of my confidence. Upon introspection, I realized that it all began with redefining what confidence truly means to me.

I used to equate confidence with a long list of accolades or being the life of the party. However, a pivotal moment occurred when I stumbled upon a speech that offered a different perspective. The speaker vividly illustrated that true confidence isn’t showcased by effortlessly mingling with everyone at a networking event. Rather, it’s exemplified by those who bravely admit their unfamiliarity with the setting, openly acknowledging it’s their first time there, and courageously reaching out to those nearby, asking for help.

Confidence, I’ve come to realize, isn’t about having all the answers; it’s about being comfortable with not having them. It’s about embracing your vulnerabilities, being authentic, and having the courage to navigate through life’s uncertainties while staying true to yourself.

As I’ve dug deeper into the mindset and behaviors of confident people, I’ve noticed four key qualities that set them apart:

1. Living in the Moment: Confident individuals don’t dwell on the past or fret about the future. They’re fully present, immersed in whatever they’re doing. They’re not chasing after external validation or worrying about outcomes; they’re simply enjoying the journey.

2. Taking Bold Action: Confidence isn’t just about thinking; it’s about doing. Confident people don’t wait for the perfect moment or all the answers before taking action. They dive in, even when things are uncertain because they know that’s where growth happens.

3. Seeking Honest Feedback: Confidence isn’t a solo journey; it’s about learning and growing with others. Confident individuals actively seek feedback, knowing that it’s essential for growth. They’re not afraid to ask for help or admit when they’re wrong because they understand that’s how they’ll improve.

4. Bouncing Back from Setbacks: Failure is inevitable, but it doesn’t define you. Confident individuals don’t let setbacks knock them down. They see failure as a chance to learn and grow, and they come back stronger than ever.

So, if you’re on your journey to confidence, remember this: it’s not about having all the answers or never making mistakes. It’s about embracing your imperfections, taking risks, and staying true to yourself along the way. That’s where true confidence lies.

Written by Tracey Zhang, a purpose-driven writer, coach, and spiritual healer who helps individuals build a strong inner self through major life transitions.