Hello Dysfunctional Family Community,

Wanted to fire this off into the ether in hopes of getting some clarity or idk maybe just some feedback here but I am currently dealing with a lot of resentment and anger over what I consider to be a codependent situation for which I will give some context: My family (Mom, Dad both in mid 60s, Me M29, sister F24) has been dysfunctional for about 20 years now after my parents had an ugly divorce revolving around alcoholism (dad) and infidelity (mom). Since then my dad has been pretty much a bipolar dysfunctional mess barely able to hold a job down and with little to no quality relationships left in his life, neither myself nor my sister are currently speaking to him. Meanwhile my mother is pretty successful in her career but has overcompensated for her part in the dissolution of our family with money and helicopter parenting for a long time now. I did not really do well with this model of parenting and pretty much had to get away from the overbearing and almost transactional nature of it as soon as I graduated HS and started college. I ended up graduating, starting a career which is going alright, getting married and having two kids all since 2019 (rapid fire but that's life baby). Meanwhile my sister seems to be more "receptive" to my moms style of parenting which has pretty much resulted in her being stunted in terms of work, independence, etc. She has worked a fraction of the amount I did in college and ramined at home. Graduated after changing majors 4/5 times and now has spent one semester an hour away in grad school and is changing to another grad program locally, but is moving out to an apartment that costs more than she can afford and still pretty much refuses to work all the while. In addition to this she goes to concerts, on trips, and spends money going out with friends pretty much constantly at this point. There is clearly some transaction or agreement between my mom and sister that allows this to occur and man it just burns me up! Idk what to do about it but currently I'm just keeping my distance to avoid saying something I will have to make amends for or apologize for later down the line. Also worth noting I am early in my own sobriety and trying to learn to better deal with situations and things in life that I previously would drink to deal with. I am avoiding spending time with my side of the family this Christmas. Also historically my sister and I have had a great relationship, she's a great person and has one of the best hearts of anyone I know. I truly love her to death and want her to be fulfilled and successful in life, but right now I sense this codependent relationship of constant waffling and using school as a crutch to avoid real life. That's.ome thing but coupled with this travel and gallivanting and perhaps subconscious manipulation to use my mom's need to be needed as a free ticket to go and do without having worked for it really sends me into a negative place when I think about it. I'm not some bootstrap case that got to where I am with nothing, I've certainly had more help than I deserve over the years but I have tried to take it supplemental to working and developing, and I guess I'm pissed I don't see that in someone I love most. Idk. Am I the asshole here? What have ya got for me? Thanks in advance!

*Also worth noting I have tried nicely and more directly to address this and it doesn't go well or really anywhere. Like I don't think it's really my place to fix this it's a deeper thing and that also adds to my distance, anger, and resentment.

I'm 16 and I don't know what to do to be happy, I'm too scared to commit suicide because I really want to live but I just can't find happiness. I live with my mother who lives in my grandma's cockroach ridden house with my uncle, aunt, little autistic half-brother, and 2 todler cousins. My mom barely works and is addicted to heroine and spends 10$ on methadone daily, my grandma is 66 and sleeps most of the time because all the years of taking care of everyone has caught up with her. Things worked pretty well even just 2 years ago because my grandma was carrying things on her shoulders but now I don't usually have food on the table or money for deodorant or things like that. My uncle doesn't work at all so he doesn't contribute, and my parents are divorced so my dad isn't here to help, and my mom has a restraining order against the deadbeat who is my half-brother's dad. My aunt works as a cafeteria lady at my school but she wastea her money on toys for her disrespectful brat children and most of the time only buys food for her little family. The dude she had kids with also is a deadbeat who doesn't pay child support. She is also schizophrenic, bipolar, and manic depressive. So she is constantly having outbursts and talking to herself and just stealing money and everything else that contributed to a dysfunctional family. I have all As and am the fastest on my school's swim team and have 2 pretty good friends but I just can't escape this depression over the past 2 years. I have learned to cope with so much but how do I cope with a dysfunctional household? There's all these philosophical videos on YouTube you could watch on ways to improve your life in all these other ways but what the fuck do I do about just starving sometimes and not being able to do anything about it? My brother is neglected with teeth that have literally rotted out and my aunt over-feeds my cousin's and my uncle does nothing and this sounds stupid but my receding hairline makes it all 10× worse. I really struggle to enjoy school and people in general, I just don't take joy from interactions with any of these school mates. Sitting through school also really sucks because my classes are 45 minutes of either rushed teaching, lazy and too easy teaching, or just really hard with little help from the teacher. School and swim practice are the same thing of just being surrounded by people I can't satisfyingly joke or talk with and I just feel disconnected from my generation. I tried quiting swim to get a job but my parents wouldn't let me. What do I do? Please anyone read this and offer advice or tell me maybe what I can do to report my house to DHS or CPS or like anything that would help. I know if I was just able to be 100% independent I'd be happy and fine but what do I do? How can I feel satisfied with my "achievements" or appreciate little things or learn to ignore these things?

Like the title says… I haven’t spoken to my parents for a week. I have a very enmeshed family where my parents think they’re entitled to any and all information about my and my sister’s lives. There’s so many other examples of how we are enmeshed but that’s a big one.

I stopped talking to them bc there was a big family fight over something my sister asked me and I was honest in my answer. I’m a straight shooter but I wasn’t insensitive telling her and I didn’t bring it up.. she did. That caused a huge ordeal that trickled into the family business that then contributed to a fight between my dad and sister. My dad has dementia and has these episodes where he is just out of control and mean and that also trickles down to his business (which is so wrong in itself). My sister had asked me about a comment my other sister had made, it had nothing to do with my dad.

My dad called me twice that night screaming at me in the phone and ultimately screamed at me because I said I didn’t want to be involved and I felt bad for both of them and how they feel. That set him off even more. We got off the phone and I blocked both him and my mom. Come to find out, my dad is blaming me for the whole fight saying I needed to be more gentle in my response to my sister. There was no opportunity to sugarcoat a yes or no response.

I am always the scapegoat and have been for years. If I mention boundaries or anything I have learned in therapy they dismiss it and act like I’m crazy. They throw things in my face constantly (especially if they have helped me in any way for anything). I hate that Christmas is coming up. I have a son so I can’t just not go, I won’t do that to him. I have explained to him though that this is not how a healthy family operates and I need some space between my parents and I but if he wants to see them I will arrange something. He’s 8 and he asked me “mom, why are all these people who don’t even live with us causing so much drama in our lives?”… 😳 insightful for him to say. My mom told my sister she has tried to call me. I don’t want to unblock them or talk to them at all. I get so anxious I feel like throwing up just thinking about it. They will expect me to sweep it under the rug and let it go.

What do you do in these situations where you know no matter what you say, they will not change and the behavior will continue? What do you do when your kids are involved and love their grandparents? I didn’t expect to be low contact with my parents during the latter half of their life but here we are. I’m just so tired of the drama when my life is pretty peaceful otherwise

Any advice is welcome

(16) a lot of times my dad can’t tell me to get something done without yelling, cussing, or taking something away from me. for example, i was watching the new season of a show i liked w/ my sister and he told me to empty my cats litter box. i said i would do it after the episode ended in 2 mins but he said he had things to do and that if i wanted “his help” that i needed to do it immediately (his help was putting in a clean bag into the automatic box which takes 5 secs and i could’ve done it myself if i knew what he meant). i kept on trying to argue that i could finish the episode and do it after but he would keep yelling at me until i did it, only when my mom came in/comes in does he stop arguing w/ me bc she has to tell him to stop. even though she knows this grown man is constantly yelling and arguing w/ a teenager she always sides with him and acts like im also the problem. i think he also just wants to “assert dominance” and he can’t help but try to prove his point which is very irrational. in general, my parents can’t have a simple conversation w/ me and try to understand my point, not yell, not argue, or not get emotional/mad.

today we had another argument and i told him we are a dysfunctional family and he replied w/ “go to therapy.” as if im the problem and i have to deal w/ his bs. i told him he needed to go to therapy and he continued to argue w/ me. he doesn’t believe he’s the problem and my mom doesn’t care either (she’s also not that functional of a mom but she’s better) so i wish i could make them go to therapy bc they will never seek to be better parents on their own and im stuck with them for 3 more years.

My brother is 14, has aspergers(mild autism) and non-drug-resistant epilepsy(drugs can cause variety of side effects). He had always issues learning. In elementary he has barely passed, now in high school he changed classes because it was too hard for him, and even after that, his GPA is ~1,6. He has a lot of traumas mainly because of our parents and bullying in elementary(which mom and him kept pretty much secret). Parents are narcissistic, mentaly ill people who were on a few occasions in mental hospital. Dad had been overusing alcohol and was abusive. Mom is addicted to nicotine and often manipulates us and does psychological abuse. Because of daddy issues and fear of abandonmend my brother often wanted to be liked and put that before anything while he aws in elementary. That made him do dumb things, very humiliating ones, he did all the friends told him to do. By looking at him you can clearly see that something is off. He has very stiff body language, sometimes laughs too much as stress response, tells dumb nonsense to be liked(don't work), big bags under eyes from stress, sleep issues, unusual facial expressions and suicidal thoughts. I dont particularly think that he is not smart enough to complete normal school. I just think his mental issues, dysfunctional family, and too much stress cause him to not learn and not care about himself enough to change his life. This special needs school is in other city. Bus will show in front of our house, so he wont be at boarding school anymore, so that might mean malnutrition. Our parents dont have money like that, we(me and brother) slightly undereat while we are at home. I lost 4 kg in month while i was living with parents(mom cut me from boarding school because of some dumb ideas, so i wasnt there for a month. We often change where we live, we had moved aout around 5 times and been many times at our aunt's place. That also makes him unable to create healthy routine. What we should do? Should i convince mom to not change his school, only change class for easier(again) or change school to special needs one? In both schools it would be the same subject of class- brand school, 3 years, after which he can go another 2 years to be able to then go to college. What we should do? Does he qualify to special needs school? Any advice will be helpful.

I (39f) need some advice after telling my bff from high school the full extent of my insane “family tree”. It has come out in pieces over 31 years. Only my mom, one of my 9 siblings (blood,half, “adopted”) and her know that I know the full truth.

This is going to be a bumpy road. So grab some popcorn and drink (preferably a strong one) and buckle up. This is my absolutely insane family tree. All names are changed and this is a throwaway. You will have questions… heck I still do and I will do my best to answer every one of them.

We will start with a list of the people in this story:

Me: OP Mom: Charlotte Dad: James Sperm donor: Will Step dad: Luis Step mom: Jackie

Siblings Jazmine- Jackie’s daughter from a previous marriage Olivia and Lucy- James and Jackie’s bio children Marco- Luis’s son previous marriage Jazmine aka Jaz- Charlotte’s daughter Liam, Anna and Mia- Will’s bio Children

Yes I have sister with the same name!

Let’s go back to 1992 when I was 8 years old and to the comment that started all of this. I don’t remember a lot or the context of why this was ever said to a young child but I will NEVER forget what my step mom said to me while out to dinner with my dad and 3 of my siblings(Jazmine, Lucy and Olivia)…. “You know that Jaz is not your full blood sister.” Remember this line as it will be something I should have questioned a lot more. Now that we know what started this untangling web of lies let’s go back to some back story.

All this information I have will be coming from Charlotte.

I lived my dad James, Jackie, Jazmine, Lucy and Oliva from the time I can remember until I was 13. I would visit Charlotte, Jaz, Luis and Marco on school breaks as we lived 3ish hours apart. Why did I live with my dad and not my mom you may ask, well according to her Luis and Marco were not kind to me when I was very young and so she asked James to take me for awhile while she worked things out. He then used things against her to gain custody of me. Now not much of my childhood really matters as this is not the point of the story but at 13 when I was of legal age to choose Charlotte took James to court to gain back custody. He gave me up without a fight as to not put me in the middle of a legal battle. I know I know it’s a lot already but let’s get into the insanity of my life.

After Jackie said what she did when I was 8, Charlotte did confess that she had an affair and James was not my biological father. She had an affair with Will while they were both married. Will was my biological father but wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. James is the one who signed my birth certificate. This is how he did gain custody of me in case you were wondering. Years passed with no mention of this ever again really. For me James IS my dad. Lucy IS my sister. Olivia IS my sister. Jazmine IS my sister. No matter what a blood test will say.

Jump forward to 2005 and Charlotte took me to meet Will. I did not know this was happening but we were up in that area and so she stopped by his work. To say we were shocked is an understatement. I only spoke to him for a few minutes and he met my newborn son. He said I looked just like his sister but he still does not believe I am his. That’s it guys. We left and that was that. Yes it hurts. Yes I’ve cried multiple times. But it is what it is.

Fast forward to a few years back and somehow my mom got in contact with Will again. His wife had passed and they started up their old flame again. It didn’t last though. He did finally admit that he has always know I was his but he doesn’t want his 3 children to know about me. You know their freaking sister! This has my emotions all over the place. I do want to know them but do I blow up their world? How would they feel? Would they want to know me? How much hell would this bring?

Now you maybe wondering why did I leave the father of Jaz out in the beginning. Well you are about to find out but first let’s start with how we found out. Now I don’t know why we never questioned it before. Maybe because we had Luis, I’m not really sure but we never asked as children about her dad. At 14ish Jaz got into a little legal trouble and Jaz and I learned that James is her biological father! What the heck Reddit?! Why did he keep me and not her? We were teens at the time though and for some reason we didn’t really question more. I’m not 100% if Jaz did or not but nothing more was really said.

Jaz did say something that broke my freaking heart though and still does. “Why does no one want me?” Luis was not a great father when we were young. He did favor Jaz even over his own son but he still had his own demons he brought onto us. Charlotte and him did split shortly after Jaz graduated but they never lived like a true married couple anyway… they had separate rooms.

So in short Lucy and Oliva aren’t my bio sisters but they are Jaz’s. Do they deserve to know? They (including Jazmine even though she is technically is a step sister) aren’t just aunties to my son but to Jaz’s children as well. And I have three siblings that I have never met and don’t know I exist.

Reddit what do I do? I want to know my siblings from Will but would that do? Is it fair of Will to have me keep this to myself? Do my sisters from James deserve to know the truth about their real half-sister (Jaz)? Do I tell James I know and let him know I love him even more for what he did for me and get his side? Will that hurt him? I know how I feel and I don’t want to bring this pain onto anyway one else. Please give me some advice.

Yes I have done a dna test through ancestry so I have proof Will is my sperm donor. Also I have already decided that at least when it comes to James and that side I will not do anything unless Jaz is ok with it. Yes I’m working on getting back into therapy.

I (22F) have just quit my full time job due to my mental health. I was diagnosed with PTSD by my therapist and she’s leaning towards believing I may have BPD. I broke the news to my family about quitting my job and they’re upset at the fact that I can hardly keep a job for a year. In the past, I have been able to keep them for long but ever since recent events that led me to having PTSD, I cannot. My family always seems to tell me what I already know which is that I’m the problem and that I need to get help and fix my life. I told my uncle about potentially going back to school if I wasn’t going to be working many hours anymore and he just scoffs..My aunt and uncle have always made comments that “college isn’t for everyone” and “some people’s paths are different” when I really do want to go back to school and try again. They know I’ve been hospitalized in the past and just think I’m a burden and a failure. I feel like shit because no one is in my corner.

Dad basically is an alcoholic with control.temper issues. My mom does everything for him and basically obeys all his duties request. All her kids are adults except for my little brother who she had because my dad always wanted a boy. They did ivf and my mom almost died giving birth(60)and had my brother a month earlier he has some disabilities. So we ask why she's still with him and her excuse is always "it's not easy" and that "it's hard when you have a kid" I know she can get a lot of aid from the govt bc of her age (66) and my disabled brother.

Yet she still stays in this cycle with my toxic dad who continues to call her demeaning words and what not.

It's incredibly sad to watch her stay w him and We don't get in the way cause he has anger issues too

When they're in a good mood they laugh and are like a happy couple. So it's very weird to observe cause I feel like she still loves him deep down and it's unfortunate he just got a lot of issues later on in life.

Anyone else deal w similar situation? advice you would give?

I also try to view from an "adult" perspective and I don't get in the way of other peoples relationships so I try to keep my opinions to myself since I can tell my mom just turns into a anxious person

I was a child of a narcissist parent, I came from a very difficult life with him, and was homeless with him for a very long time in the past and never had a good home life growing up. I managed to escape him, and had to go great lengths to get away from him. I was lucky to have known the people that had helped me and allowed me to stay with them. I went to go be with my extended family that had found me on the internet. They flew me in first class to go be with them, and I genuinely felt that I would belong with them because they’re my family. At first there was this honeymoon period, they thought of me as a gift from grandma that passed away. But what seemed like a gift from the universe, only turned into something that had psychologically wounded me. I was only with them for 3 months because of how difficult they seemed to have been to live with, and how strict and conditional their love and regard was towards me. I felt like I couldn’t really be loved or accepted for just the way I am, or that I had to constantly fit in to their idea of how I should live my life and be like to them. I felt like I was some kind of flawed and inadequate kid. I would hear them say things like “but he wasn’t raised that way!” “oh it’s just gonna take time”, “I just think he just wasn’t raised properly” …and it felt like I had to constantly jump through hoops in order to be loved, and if I don’t, then it’s basically ‘bye peace out can’t live with your family’. To this day I feel this deep, inner wound of rejection and unworthiness that I carry each and every day. My aunt would ask this weird question “what are the advantages that you think you have of being here?” but in my mind I’m like ‘I didn’t come here just so I can gain some kind of material advantages, I came to have a life here with my family just like any other kid would with their families, not a quid pro quo’. But I just told her “I don’t know” , and she replied “then why did you come live with us honey?” and she didn’t even have any idea why I went to go be with them, even though she invited me and said “why not come stay here?” like, does she really need a ‘why’ for it? I had unfortunately received some invalidating comments from others that I’ve tried to speak to about my trauma, they’ve said things like “why should they love you” and “who are you and why should you be loved and cared for” and another person said “you don’t seem to realize that you’re wanting a warped and distorted image of your family” “you are not your brother you’re not their kid” and I’ve basically been labeled as having some kind of “sense of entitlement”. So for a kid or young person to have an innate desire and need to have a family home or to simply live with his or hers own family they would have a “sense of entitlement”? What kind of cold world do we live in? Isn’t every kid or young person deserving of what I believe to be the most basic, simplest thing that any young person could have, which is a family home, or to simply live with one’s own blood relational family, in a home? With parents, caregivers, siblings, etc? Shouldn’t it be like the norm and standard for every kid or young person? But for some reason, I’m being considered by some people as like bad, evil or reprehensible for trying to have that with my own family? I tend to think if my friends can live with their families, why can’t I live with mine? I once had a former friend who I thought would always be validating of my trauma, but he one time went against me and invalidated me and said; “Well they raised your brother! They raised him and not you so he’s their kid!” and he laughed at me. So whose kid am I? Where does that leave me then? What does that mean about me? and so after some years later I came to figure out, that perhaps the reason why I was treated the way I was treated by my family, was all because they raised my sibling and they never raised me. I can’t believe that, I went through that whole process, of getting away from my father, and finally got to be with my extended family and my brother that I never got to grow up with since we were born, and after going through such a nightmarish life with a narcissist father, only for it to, pretty much, backfire on me? all because ‘they raised him and not me’. So in order for a kid or young person to live with his or hers own family they have to be born and raised into it? And it’s unfair to me how my brother got to have what they called a “privileged life” while my life and upbringing got robbed by a toxic father. I have had someone that recognized the validity of my feelings though, and that person said ‘how in the world can you not be allowed just the same if not more’. I remember I stayed with a friend of mine and his family because his mom couldn’t sleep at night knowing that I was sleeping in a car in a parking lot somewhere with my father. They treated me as equally as their two boys, I wanted that with my family and my brother. It’s incredibly sad and disheartening to me that, I go to my family expecting all the love and care in the world, only to seemingly be met with sort of the opposite, I just don’t understand that if they can love and care for one kid all of his life why can’t they do just the same for the other? I believe every kid and young person deserves a good home life with their families. But I guess I can’t have that with my own family all because they raised him and not me. I used to envy other kids that had normal family homes, I stayed with some of them, but couldn’t actually live with them or claim it as my home all because I just, ‘wasn’t their kid’. They bought a condo and now my brother is living in it for free… I was told that there was only one baby on the table… We never chose our parents. and I never chose this life…

My son, (26), is not really a good person. He just had a DV charge a few months ago. I had a similar situation happen over the weekend & instead of being understanding, he just went off on me about how that inconvenienced him. (I’ve been giving him rides to work & I was unable to this week). Everytime he gets mad at me like this he calls me awful names, yells at me about how I need to apologize to him for his teenage years. (He always forgets that he physically assaulted me during said years). Then he uses the grandchildren as weapons & withholds me from being able to see them. I’m super over being yelled at by the men in my life. Just sayin’

And my nuclear family, my mother and sister to get angry, say nasty, hurtful things abiut you and then expect you to forgive and forget. This pattern happens over and over again.

I have tried to talk to my brother about it and he will say things like I need a house full of peace and harmony so he does not want to talk about anything that is contentious. I've tried to explain to the him that unless we address the root cause of the problem which is my mother and sister flying off the handle and being mean to us , then we're never going to have the peace and Harmony that he desires.

I've always said this very respectfully however he does not seem to share this point of view. He in turn then gets angry at me for wanting to address the immature , hurtful behavior of my mother and sister. In the meantime, I keep feeling more and more hurt by my mother and sisters comments to the point that it's really affecting my mental health.

I feel like I'm unloved and worthless because no one in my family seems to love me or care about the fact that hurting my feelings. It makes me very depressed to the point that I cry for hours on and, I can't sleep. It makes me feel worthless and question why can't I get anyone to love me. I feel so defeated that I don't even try to go out and make new friends because I feel worthless. I feel like if my family doesn't love me then how can I expect others to do so . How can I change the way I feel about myself? How can I stop the narrative in my head that if you're that if you don't have a family then you have nothing in your life.

Throughout my entire life all I've ever wanted to do is have a happy family and get my family to love me. To do so, I am very generous with my time talent and treasure , but no matter what I do my mother and sister continue to behave badly. When I try confront them about their behavior , they tell me that I'm too sensitive and I am the only one who has the problem with their behavior, Etc. I know this is not true because I've spoken to my aunt's uncle's and cousins about my mothers and sisters Behavior and they agree that their behavior is problematic and that both these women have done similar things to them. However when I ask them if they would support me in confronting my sister and mother they tell me that I just need to walk it off. Should I just accept that my mother and sister are not going to change and stay away from them? How can I go out and make friends who are my family of choice so that I have people who will be there for me and who will spend holidays with me?

My older sister has this habit where she keeps giving everyone unsolicited advice/opinions. She has always done this for as long as I can remember. When I tell her to please stop doing this and set a boundary she continues and tries to justify it by saying it's constructive criticism lol. She is intelligent but the thing is I go to my own resources for advice like counselors and such. Also I like to be independent and navigate my life through my own experiences. But it's like thats her personality and she is like that with everyone.

When she crosses that boundary and I tell her, she gets into a fight w me and acts like the victim but I keep telling her I don't like what she's doing with me. How can we stop this cycle. I told her I'm not fighting with you but why do you keep doing this when I said to stop several times and then she blows it up to a huge thing saying I'm being mean but in reality she is by not respecting my boundary. This makes me uncomfortable and just adds unnecessary stress, I don't like to fight, I'm more of a chill and keep to myself person and she's not accepting this advice pleaseee

I'm 19F and right now, my environment everyone values family and they seem to have loving caring families and I dont and its a really lonely feeling. When im picturing myself happy, I dont imagine my family there. They are just so damaging to me and Its hard to learn, grow and be my best self while getting belittled and abused on a daily basis and be forced to respect and love them just because they're my family.

I've heard that there'd people out there in this world who have cut family off and I want to see how they're thriving in this world and how they manage cuz I feel like everything falling apart and I dont know how to connect and socialise with people after being in survival mode for too long.

I'm going Uni in September and I dont know if I'll make friends or find people who also cut off their family. Its just such a lonely feeling.

So my mother is genuinely awful but god is my father worse he mentally and physically abuses her and just yesterday I was trying to defend her from him and I said "she's my mother" in retaliation and they both started laughing at me as if I'd told a joke and I feel that it's time I've come to terms with the fact that my mother's fate isn't my fault. Whenever I'd tell her to leave him all she would say is that I'm not leaving because of you and your brother otherwise I would've left a long time ago.

That left me feeling a little responsible but after yesterday I think I've come to understand that she doesn't leave of her own will. I don't even want to feel sorry for her anymore I don't wish something like that one anyone but becoming the monster she is to me was a choice I acknowledge her hurt but at the same time I didn't deserve the brunt of that hurt and it wasn't fair that she bled all over me. I'm not guilty over her life anymore it's her choice and she didn't stay because of me or anything like that this is who she is I've tried to help but there's no point because you can't help someone that doesn't want to helped.

Honestly my father and my mother are both awful I feel bad for thinking it sometimes but honestly they deserve each other and I'm glad they'll be making each other miserable for the rest of their lives.

Recently I was playing a game 'mouthwashing' maybe you've heard of it somewhere but the central theme is responsibility and the acceptance of it and it feels cathartic in a way because my parents never have neither with each other nor with their children and their lives reflect that they don't have friends or people who willingly interact with them because they both just join each other in a circle jerk about how they sacrifice and they give and bullshit like that my god it's funny to listen to sometimes but mostly enraging I've come to understand responsibility and it's importance and I'm glad I did.

never have i ever felt loved. my mother has always been distant and gave me the silent treatment quite often whenever things didn't work in accordance to what she feels is correct. once she said and i'd like to quote 'girls like you aren't meant for ishq (love), they're meant to flirt and be left'. recently i asked her if she missed me and she said how it didn't matter. she told my father she didn't want me to come home to her. how do i get over the fact that my family is better off without me?

Can anyone relate?? This takes such a toll on my mental health because I keep hoping she will change but it doesn’t. I need some guidance on how to cope with this better 😞

I (34F) lose my sister (27F) every time a guy enters her life. She puts me on the back burner when she starts seeing a guy. And these guys come and go every few months or every year. She dates a lot and bounces from one relationship to another. She has always been a very insecure person and her personality changes depending on the guy she’s dating. If a guy is really into fitness she’ll start going to the gym, if a guy is really into cars she’ll take interest in cars, etc.

She knows that I don’t agree with the choices she makes when it comes to her relationships and the men that she picks. This has caused many many arguments because she is so codependent and is clearly struggling with a void in her life and her self worth.

I try to give her guidance, but every once in a while I just get so tired of repeating myself and trying to help her and mend our relationship. It saddens me because she is my only sibling, but this is a vicious cycle that I need to learn to get out of because I do not think she will ever change.

She currently lives with me in my house and started seeing a new guy about two weeks ago. But I have not seen her in about six days because she has been staying at this guy‘s house every single night. I feel a knot in my stomach because I have barely seen or spoken to her since she started staying with this guy.

I would really appreciate any words of wisdom or feedback because it is affecting my mental health. Tell me your stories and how you cope with it, or if you’ve been in the same or a similar situation. Thank you 🙏🏼

My (40F) mom (59F) has always taught me that huge age gaps in dating are creepy and that women who date convicted felons of s*x crimes against children are just as culpable as the perp. We've been at basically LC to NC for the last year, which has been good for me, but she's still in contact with my kids who are all old enough to decide if they stay in contact (14M), (17F), (19F).

My oldest introduced her to an online game when she was about 14 to play with me and her. My mom used it to troll for men and it became a sore point with my daughter. It broke her heart that her grandma joined and was too busy flirting to play with her. My mom would lie about who she was with and claim that she wasn't hanging out with a few scary red flags (think threats of violence, sa, and just creepy convos).

Fast forward to now, and my mom is engaged to one of those red flags' cousins, who is 3 years older than me and is convicted of molesting his daughter, and she has really only had an online relationship with. Hope you can hear my jaw hitting the ground. I'm so disappointed with her I don't think I can ever look her in the face again. She's lying to the kids about his age, totally buys that the charges were bs cause he says so, you know, basically doing everything she has hated on other women for.

My daughter planned her bday plans with grandma about a month or so ago but grandma decided on an impromptu visit to her fiance with no idea if she would make it back in time for the plans. This broke my daughter's heart. I told my mom that she was doing irreparable damage. So, she came back right at the time their plans were for and spent the whole time complaining about how much this guy was a red flag, screamed at her, was possessive, blamed her for his behavior cause he was so overwhelmed with love of her he couldn't control himself, etc., and how tired she was.

My daughter's interest is done. And I hate myself. I grew up with my mom oversharing with me, forcing me into the position of an adult even though I was in itty bitty, being trapped in her circle of negativity, being belittled and blamed for her mistakes, physically assaulted (chased naked into the shower and slapped and punched, great fun, among other exciting moments), and I still stayed in contact because I wanted my kids to have at least one grandparent who was semi-present for them. Now all I can think of is what did I subject them to? I thought I was doing right by them and it seems like she can't think farther than her drive for toxic men.

I did this to them.

I don't know. I don't know what I could have done different but I really wish I had just walked away from her and never looked back. Now one by one, my kids are doing so and I support them 100% but it's not without leaving some deep scars in their hearts.

I thought she was smart as a kid, now I can't figure out who was more delusional, her or me.

I havent been mad about anything I have experienced due to my sister. Having her kick me in my sleep, ask during the night to play doctor with real knives, ruined my xmas gifts and birthdays, looking 2-7 year old child inside the storage in walls, attempted murder 3 times, etc...

Not long ago I reconected with a cousin I havent talked to much since I was 12-13 years of age. And finally talked about stuff that went through my life. While talking I realized my sister frighten my cousin too, pulling on her arms and so (it was a roof situation where my sister was down the ledge and trying to pull her over). The most psycotic thing she told me, was that time we watched a horror movie, and she didnt want to watch it, and my sister tried to force her to watch and keep her eyes up during some bad scenes. (Jeepers creeper had just come out for rental, so my cousin was like 11 years O_o

... talking with my cousin, made me realize its not just me. Its been others too. And I am a bit angry. Not just at my sister, but myself. Why didnt I speak up? Then again... my sister would hurt me and fake cry when I told her too stop. So I guess I felt all alone.

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I (40F) have an older sister (46F) who I've always gotten along with until recently. I've the last few years she has been slowly pulling away from the family. I know she started menopause before this and not sure if this plays a factor in her behavior. In late 2022/early 2023 she started acting strange and distant to my parents and I. At some point she started having serious conversations with my parents about what they have done or not done in the past, among other things. They didn't support her like she wanted or she didn't take her to therapy like she asked when she was a teenager. Stuff like that! They always attended school plays, concerts, games, etc… when they could which was most of the time. My mom doesn’t remember her asking to go to therapy when she was young. My parents were good loving parents and we grew up in a good home. I personally have nothing to complain about!

Last year she told my parents she was going to stop coming around for family gatherings. The next gathering was my teenagers birthday. That really hurt my kid when she and her family didn't show up to celebrate with us, but she did send a card with $$. We did see her, her husband and kids at thanksgiving and Christmas but it was tense. When she is around we always have to walk on egg shells because any joke, conversation, or whatever could trigger her getting offended and she would start screaming at us. She is one that if you have a different opinion than her, she is right and there is no conversation. She will scream at you until she is blue in the face. We would always watch and say what we do when she is around.

She accused my parents of stuff and then even went as far as telling them what subjects we can/can’t talk about, like money for example. We definitely can't bring up politics because that is the biggest trigger. There was a situation where my husband was having a civil conversation and she didn't like what he was saying and went off screaming at him. Since then he hardly spoke to her except to be polite and never in engauged in one of her conversations, just listened.

Something happed at some point and she would talk to her teenager (who is close to my kids age) and call my kid names and I mean pretty mean names. Her kid told mine all if this and Ince again that really hurt him. Fast forward to earlier this year. There was a situation that happened with my kid and the situation was very stressful. Her kid was not very supportive as a cousin but wasn't flat out mean like she was in the past. She never resched out to see if we were doing ok. There were several family members that were nit very supportive during this time. I had made a post on Facebook and commented that its sad when you reach out to family they are not there for you like they should be. She saw that and thought it was about her kid. She unfriended me and my family in Facebook (not a big deal, really) and was far from supportive through this whole thing.

After a few days I sent an email speaking on my kids behalf becuas we had a conversation about how her behavior was making them feel. I didn't want my kid to talk to her because remember the screaming she does? Yea, I don't want to damage my teenager even more. I brought up the name calling and said this is what I heard but of course I wasn't there. Giving her a chance to explain or deny she did it. She avoided that whole situation altogether. Then the email turned into abojtnthe issues between her and I. I didn’t know there were issues between us, all I know is use was treating my parents like crap and pulling away. Over the year I had tried to call and texting was few and far between. When I would call she woudn’t answer and would text back the next day saying I saw you called, did you need something? In her email she claimed I had never reached out and that I didn’t know what was going on in her and her families life. (I have record of all the calls and texts) The summer before I was having medical issues and had to undergo tests. Not once did she ask how I was or what was going on. I would bring it up during family dinners and she never engaged in the conversation. Then we got to the Facebook post, I explained if she sat back and thought about it (common sense) if it was about her kid I would’ve hidden the post from them but since it wasn't I didn't see an issue. It was also a very general statement with no names. The whole email was very one sided and she didn't take responsibility for anything. I did explain that communication does go both ways and I did call/text. Again, totally avoided that entire comment. I told her I am ready to talk so we can get this resolved. Have not heard from her since.

My parents have invited her over fo dinner, holidays, etc… and they don't hear anything back. My parents don't get a happy birthday, happy fathers/mothers day, etc. She has even removed then from social media. I forgot to mention that before all of this went down my parents and I lost lower to our houses due to bad storms and she knew we didn't have power for a week. She never reached out to any of us offering her house, asking us if they could make dinner, etc… I offered to buy my parents meals even though I was dealing with no power either.

The thing that really bothers me is that she has painted me and my family and the bad people. I'm going to miss big events in their lives which the net one will be a graduation. I thought about writing a letter to her oldest and letting her know my side and explaining what my sister I know neglected to communicate front that email. I don’t care about mending my relationship with my sister because after she treated my kid the way she did there is noncoming back from that. Even if we did start talking again it will never be the same. Should I try tivmake amends with her oldest or should I let it go?

Thanks for reading and sorry for any typos. 😊

I have two siblings and I each have a child who are 18 or older. For years I have been giving both of the children, however for several years now my one sibling and their child have done nothing to keep up a relationship with me. I send gifts and cards and we'll get a perforatory thank you note, but other than that they never reach out to me and will often ignore texts which I only try and send three to four times a year, because I know they're busy in college. This year I have finally decided to stop gifting to the one nibbling who has no relationship with me but give to the other nibbling who has relationship with me. I should also add that I have never received a holiday gift from either my sibling or their children in the last 18 . Does this seem wrong to anybody and if so why? I'm generally interested in people's opinions even if they disagree with mine.

I love my sis and I liked the way our relationship was but she's always trying to get closer. always trying to mix our friends and her doing this (our entire life) just makes me uncomfortable.

she also is very opinionated and kind of negative, she always talks crap about others so that's why I've always had our distance cause I don't enjoy that.

she also loves to criticize others but if you give her feedback she gets so mad and defensive (it's always other people from her perspective)

my sis also has BPD, and anxiety and has been medicated for years. she also tried a suicide attempt when she was 18

she always would tell me how she used to be jealous of me because of my body how I was skinny and had smaller features than her (I listened to her but it kind of awkward cause I didn't expect her to feel that about me)

also I do content on social media and she used to just say rude opinions to me so I blocked her one day from viewing my content(I know this may have been immature i just didn't know what else to do cause I felt suffocated by her)

and then she managed to find my account from another profile she has and was saying how she saw my content the other day.

it just makes me uncomfortable bc I love her and have always wanted a close relationship too but not if that's how she acts. I also try to communicate things I dislike and she gets very defensive and mad. it's like she doesn't hear me and tunes me out.

I don't know what to do anymore w her it's like we get close and she does her behavior and it pushes me away and then she gets upset cause she wants to be closer. but she's also not hearing me out and just turns away so that hurts my feelings too.

it's like she doesn't listen to me and I'm over this cycle. i'm happy w our relationship but it's always her unhappy wanting me to really close or something. she's also a military background so she's very tough and her defense is just so rude and she doesn't like to hear anyone out or ever think she may be in the wrong sometimes too.

me and my other little sister struggle w how to deal w this. advice please!

We were happy when we were poor. Now we are quite sufficient now everyone is unhappy. Mostly fighting over properties.

I (16F) realised over the last few years that I hate my sister (12F). I want to clarify that I absolutely hate myself for this. I best myself up every single day because the guilt I feel for feeling this way destroys me but no matter what I do I can’t stop how I feel.

Like I said this has been going on for years, the first time I remember feeling a sort of hatred for her was when I was 11. It gets better and worse but recently I’ve been really struggling with it and I have no one to talk to about it.

I think I’m at a point where I don’t like her all the time if I’m honest, but there’s times when she does something to trigger me and that’s when I think it starts to move to hatred instead.

There’s a few things that trigger me feeling such strong hatred for her. The reasons don’t even make sense. That’s why I sometimes feel insane for feeling this way, because I don’t even have a proper reason. Possibly the worst thing for me is when she has starts having mental health issues. I genuinely hate myself for this but I can’t help it. I’ve had anxiety, OCD, ADHD and a million other things since I was very young but whenever the concept of her having any of those comes up I want to run away and like peel my own skin off. I really can’t describe how it makes me feel. Recently especially she’s been having a lot of OCD symptoms and it makes me genuinely hate myself, my life and as a result her more than almost anything I’ve ever experienced. I can’t explain it I don’t know why I’m like this. It’s like every time she starts saying she’s dirty (when she isn’t) or screaming at someone because they contaminated something I seriously feel my whole body tense with hatred. I know I shouldn’t feel like this and I don’t with anyone else but I’m not a mean person I don’t know why this happens with her.

She’s also horrible to people. She hits people and screams and shouts and swears at everyone non stop, especially my mum. My mum has had such a hard time the last few years and she doesn’t deserve any of the abuse my sister throws at her. Even if it’s something as simple as my mum forgetting to bring her a drink she will lose it and slam doors and scream and as someone with PSTD from my dad being highly abusive to me I don’t cope well with that either.

I genuinely don’t like her as a person I’ve realised. Like in the normal world I would never put myself in a situation where I was friends with her I would genuinely probably actively avoid her. It’s like everything I would say makes me not like someone, she has,m. She’s disrespectful, inconsiderate, aggressive and reacts to everything without thinking about anyone else’s feelings. Like I said she will scream almost everything she says and my mum just says it’s okay because she’s going through a hard time but it’s not okay at least to me. And I feel like despite all this I’m the one who has to help her because I have to help her with her homework (even though when I was her age I got no help at all) and I have to do her hair or help her pick an outfit. Just to reiterate I really don’t think she is a good person like if everything isn’t 100% how she wants it at all time then she will swear at you until you do what she wants. She will not listen to anyone else and thinks that the world should revolve around her. Like if we are in the same room both doing things and she says put something on in the backround and I say no because we are both doing things but I can go upstairs if she wants she’ll get mad and be like why are you making such a huge deal out of this. Or one time she hit one of her friends the got so offended when they hit her back and started crying saying they were horrible when she hit them for set. And my mum just agrees with her and tells her all of this is fine when it really isn’t. Or I’ll have a huge dance competition (I’m a pre professional ballet student) and if she comes she will shout at me and swear at me or tell me everything that’s wrong with my performance and how I look and then act shocked when I get upset. I just don’t understand her at all.

I’ve tried talking to my mum about it but it always ends terribly. Me and my mum are incredibly close and I consider her my best friend but the one thing we fight over is my sister. Any time I bring this up to her she calls me selfish or says it’s not normal and I need the get medical help for feeling like this and starts trying to send me to mental health places. She tells me I’m being mean and that I need to love her and understand that she’s just struggling but I can’t. Again I’m not a mean person she’s the only one who makes me feel like this and I don’t know why. The one time I got angry and said about how selfish my sister is to my mum my whole family were mad at me for weeks.

I don’t know if this makes sense but I needed to get it out of my head because I feel like I’ll explode it not. Please let me know if you have any advice or anything and thank you for reading this to the end.

My mom always burns bridges with people and doesn’t really have a filter when out in social gatherings but she always gets depressed in the holidays saying no one wants to hang out with her. I invited her over for Thanksgiving but she said no for the most delusional reason ever. I feel sad b it I need to keep reminding myself that I can’t control how she is. Anyone else feeling the same way? I’m just glad I have a great fiance and her family is awesome and loving to each other

So I just finished a strech of being part of a xmas marked, a milestone for my own rehabilitation into a human being after being almost destroyed by my family mentally. Though I would call and share pics with my pops, ends with him hanging up and calling me a martyr. First he nitpicked everything in my pictures, my prices my art and then he went over to the I dont like that stuff, so I said "you dont want my art in gifts then?" Which he denied before saying again how fugly my art was, so I repeated my statement. He got pist, called me a martyr, and that I live in the victim mentality etc and hung up, when I asked him to explain why he talks to his own daughter like that...🙄 I just wanted to share how I did something for myself, not have my pops be "I wouldnt want that" cherade. Sigh... just wanted to share this.

Several years ago i went through a major life transition and when i reached out for emotional support, my family of origin said No and then shamed me for asking for help. Since then i have adjusted my expectations to be zero and only have regular communication with one member. We communicate by text and talkvabout 4 times a year. Its been 4 years since the event but i still find myself crying regularly about it and i want to know how to make it stop hurting.