so my family is just a mess, and honestly i blame that for so many of my issues - mental health, social, relationships etc. i dont remember a time that my parents liked each other, or even, spoke to each other. they talk but only of important things, like asking to buy carrots from the supermarket. when i was younger, i knew something was wrong but was never able to understand why my parents couldn't even make eye contact, and my mother turned completely monotone and resting bitch face around him. it would be sometimes that she would be laughing and playing with us, and as soon as he came into the room she would even stop mid-sentence at times, until he left the room. and they have never acknowledged it, just pretend like it is normal. but i have known my whole life that something is wrong. and its just so depressing. i went to uni for 3 years and was luckily able to escape the depressing atmosphere, as well as only talking to my parents very little. but since graduating i have had to move back home and oh my gosh it feels so much harder to tolerate now. not to mention i studied psychology at uni so i am definitely the type to be very aware of the situation and psychoanalyse every last detail. my immediate family all dislike my father. due to things that he would do when we were younger, he was always scary, always overbearing, always angry, always anxious and insecure. i remember once it was new years eve and as it turned midnight i went outside to watch the fireworks and then spent a while staring up at the stars, and this for some reason made him so angry- he was screaming at me to get inside, so much so that he went off in a strop loudly sighing and slamming doors. just the other day i started boiling the kettle to make some food and this made him livid as he had apparently just boiled it to make a drink - again he stormed off and slammed doors. we all resent him just like our mother has modelled to us. but she is no better. as much as she is nice and kind, i cant have a conversation with her. i resent her for staying with my father. i know maybe this is selfish of me but i wish she'd had the strength to leave him. there have been times that weve had such huge arguments with him, and hes maybe become physical or threatened as much. and she has just tried to tell everyone to ignore him. she still does to this day - we have to hide certain things, or tell him certain lies, just so he doesnt get angry. but i dont like to pretend or lie. she is just so scared of him and its clear. i remember she once got angry at me because i didnt say a proper goodbye to my dad before we went out somewhere. she claimed that he was now going to make it her issue. he has always sent us long paragraphs via text of stupid issues that he has blown out of proportion - for example we used to argue when i had to ask for his permission to order clothes online (with my own money). the new technology stressed him out and i used to receive long texts of him just being aggressive due to this. and i resent my mother for staying quiet, for witnessing it all and staying, not seeing our perspective and doing everything to protect her child. as well as that she is very insecure and anxious herself and well i mean it has made me just the same. and when i used to do something she didnt like - maybe something as little as forget to close the door in the living room behind me, she would run upstairs after me and just hurl horrible words to me, about no one liking me in the family, everyone thinking im miserable, and so much more that i cant remember probably because its blocked out. but she has always been so unbelievably emotionally immature, never apologising to me when she'd upset me, telling me i was ruining our days out by being 'stroppy' after she had yelled at me, and giving me the silent treatment. i remember she would argue with me one evening, and the next morning i would be nervous to see her again as i wouldnt know whether she would still be acting moody with me. and this is a young 12 year old girl who had never done anything majorly wrong. and wow yeah its just so hard to deal with. i really cant talk to her these days and dont really know what to do about the situation but really i resent the whole situation for who its made me turn out to be. i wish id grown up in a functional family so i could hopefully end up much more confident, happy, social and less anxious. its exhausting. on top of that i can rarely talk to my siblings because yeah we were just never modelled any successful behaviours. and i'm very scared that im going to turn out the same way - miserable, with an unhappy family.

I sometimes find myself thinking about how I might feel if a toxic family member were to pass away. I’m sure this isn’t normal, It's a dark thought, and no one has died, but I'm curious about the emotions I might experience.

For those who've dealt with toxic family members or difficult sibling relationships, how did you feel when they passed away? Was there a sense of relief mixed with your grief, knowing that the future wouldn't hold more anxiety and toxic interactions? Were you sad and filled with regret of what the relationship could have been/should have been like? How did you handle the complex emotions and manage the grieving process?

I love my parents but they are hard work. I am 28 years old and they have always wanted everything their way. They have their own beliefs and opinions and think that if anyone disagrees with them then they are stupid. They kicked me out of home after my boyfriend took me on his motorbike even though they told me to go on it, they even helped me pick out a helmet. Now, it seems like they are doing the same things to my sister and her partner. They expect him to do everything around the house and pay the most rent while my brother does absolutely nothing. We offered her partner to come and live with us until he finds something as they just keep picking on him and putting him down. Then my mum said that she feels like she's been kicked in the face because I tried to help and she didn't even want me at her birthday anymore. She also basically said she wanted to kill herself which gave me so much anxiety. That same day, she forgave me and all was back to normal until a couple weeks later because everyone's found out that my parents lied about a few things and are treating my brother like a golden child even though he's rude and doesn't help out. How do you deal with parents who just seem to never want to change. Even though, I haven't lived at home for years, the drama still stresses me out especially with my sister as she's trying to finish her last year of nursing and they are just putting so much stress on her for their own selfish reasons. I've offered for her to stay with us as well, but she feels guilty moving out.

So I don’t really know where to start, theres a lot of backstory so I hope this makes sense. My father has had a drug problem my whole life. He used to get messed up and abuse and SA my mom, me and my siblings. Though the worst seems to have been Me, he only SA’d my mom once before she hit him with a heavy object if he tried again. His thing was always to do it while you were asleep or caught off guard and to this day as a 30 year old I dont feel safe sleeping. I am kind of my families secret, everyone knows what happened but none of us talk about it. The abuse slowed down into my early teens. He stopped kissing me on the mouth when I was 12 and stopped making comments about my body when I gained some weight. I have had a very distant arms length relationship with him, mostly so I can still see my siblings who dont have such horrific memories with him. It has been more than a decade since he tried anything on me. And my mom always told me that when he was high he had no idea what he was doing and probably didn’t remember assaulting me so I shoved it to the back of my mind and acted like it never happened. Well he invited me over for a game night at his house a couple weeks ago and he was on his drugs. It went fine and was fun up until everyone left or went to bed and it was just me and him. He came up behind me and started trying to kiss my neck. I had to push my head into my collar bones like a turtle and hug myself to keep him from kissing or grabbing me. I had a little to drink so i locked myself in the bathroom and called a friend to come get me.

I’m still really shaken up. It was over 15 years with no incident. Not only did it remind me that the childhood SA did happen, but it was happening again. I really dont know what to do because if I come out about it my whole family will disown me and call me a liar.

First, some basic information about my (20F) sister and (26f) me. We are half-sisters, same mother different dads. Our mom had full custody of us growing up, we both never knew our Biological fathers, instead were raised by a Step-father who has no children.

My little sister (the half-sister) was fully loved by both parents, the golden child that could do no wrong. Obviously this lead to feelings of jealousy and anger on my part.

I found out only a few years ago that im Autistic, parents knew but never had me officially diagnosed and never gave me the support I needed. However knowing this now makes sense of some of my outbursts of anger against my sister while i was growing up.

I wont lie, I was a pretty terrible sister to her growing up, until I learned to control my own anger. There were a lot of physically violent fights between us, I cant even remembered who started them, but I was always blamed so I guess I just assumed it was always me.

However, despite everything we went through growing up, in my adult life I've tried many times to reconnect and be there for her. Hoping she would forgive me for things i did as an 8 year old child. Until recently I actually thought we were truly sisters again, talking almost daily and confiding in each other with daily stress.

My sisters best friend of 5 years and boyfriend of 6 months was recently dumped by her and I decided to try to help him with the break up. As he was truly a great guy who gave everything to my sister. (No I wasn't into in him, I'm happily married.)

While talking one night on a call he was curious and asked "you are step-sisters right?"

"No, Half, we share the same mother" I responsed with confusion.

Apparently for years to everyone my sister has referred to me as her Step-sister, it has been confirmed she knows the difference and does this on purpose. No one knows we are Biological Sisters from her group of friends. So she had been portraying me to strangers as a vindictive mentally messed up Step-sister, so they would be on her side as she played with me and my love for her. For years I just wanted her love and forgiveness for the stupid things I did nearly 18 years ago.

For years she considered me family by necessity, never her sister. This knowledge hurts alot, ive always been a very family oriented person but I think I may need to start cutting off my little sister.

my mom is... i don't know, toxic? she hurts to be around lets say. she knows all my insecurities and self destruct buttons because she made them in the first place. its like a game of chess and all her pawns are queens and I have like, 2 pawns, a rook and was never told the rules. and just a little peck every time we interact and slowly I'm just bones and gristle. my therapist said to confront her about it when it happened and said that if I did that 90% of the time we might have a healthy relationship by 2027! and that feels like a death sentence (not literally she never does anything physical) I just started to get better with my own mental health issues and I don't know if i can do it. like my plan since I was 9 was to go to collage far away and then slowly "loose touch" with my family as I live overseas and then I'm just the cousin that you know about, but you don't know, you know? and my therapist has been right on most things (just one where I think he was projecting) but this seems a little much, idk?

I (22F) just need to rant. I’ve tried unloading this in therapy but I can’t seem to even scratch the surface because of how I can’t admit anything to anyone’s face or ever talk. My relationship with my father is the absolute worst, I don’t even know how to explain it so I will try to share anecdotes. PLEASE give me any and all advice

I grew up in a house where I saw my father hurt my mother for no reason. I’ve seen him throw plates, throw food, break his own hand. I’ve seen him pull her hair once and I was only 5 years old when I saw all this. My brother was born when I turned 5 and the domestic violence reduced some more but all these images of my father behaving this way are crystal clear in my head. I’ve heard him swear at my mum the worst words, yell at her for everything and over years I’ve realised that my inner voice in my head is also so angry randomly when my mum makes a mistake. It’s the sound of my dad yelling at her every time and until a few years back, I’d raise my voice at her and other people too till one day it hit me that it’s abnormal and it shouldn’t ever be this way. He and his mother ( my grandmother) have been awful to my mother. I have held on to so much pain on behalf of my mum for years. They literally verbally abused my mum for years and my poor mum got married into this family when she was 21, she had me at 22. I am 22 and I lose my mind. My dad was 25 so the age gap wasn’t a thing. My dad raised his hand at me only once and that was when I was 5, watching my baby brother sleep and he flung me from a bigger bed on to a mattress on the floor because he thought I was troubling him. That’s for my childhood. Or what I remember.

My father has been on psychiatric treatment for years so I don’t know what it is for but I’m sure it’s something along Borderline Personality/Bipolar Disorder. My mum’s life has been so bad, she barely leaves the house and if she makes plans with her sisters or friends. He ltrly gets so angry and tells her that she’s ruined his life and what not. I’ve grown up with so much yelling and fighting and all one sided, just watching my mother cry.

I hold so much hate in me towards my father even though he has provided everything for us, he’s given us everything. He’s sacrificed a lot for himself, he’s worked a lot of difficult jobs and given us a comfortable life. He has a few health issues and I feel like I am watching him die. I can’t explain it but because of his psychiatric meds I think his digestion is ruined and he has gut issues which he won’t get fixed no matter how much we all beg. It really scares me because he has lost so much weight. His entire life has just been work work work and his children. Yet I really hate him but I also love and care for him deeply because he’s my father.

I sometimes imagine what life would be like if he were dead, would we be happier or the same or worse? Will my mother’s life be more in control of her? I’ve begged my mum to divorce him (which is everyone’s first suggestion) but she won’t because of culture, society whatever. We are Indian so maybe that’s ingrained.

I have tried fixing my relationship with my father by going out, making food and drinks at home. Nothing helps, he talks he’s all normal which bothers me. He yells at my mom, yells at everyone, fights and then pretends like everything is normal the next day and everyone just pretends like it is.

Once I went out, it got really late and my dad had to come pick me up and he told me that someday when he dies, I’ll be the reason why because of how much stress I’ve caused him.

I’m really tired. I live my life the way I can - I work remotely, I travel when I can, I’ve a good social life. He always rejects all of this ( I still live with my family so I can save rent) and we always fight before I travel to somewhere.

Please help me fix this, is there anything I can do to be a better daughter? Am I overreacting to something? I’m just really tired and I keep getting triggered any time my dad and I fight or he raises his voice. I can’t understand so much. I see some of his ugly traits in me, I want to heal. I don’t know what to do to make things better.

Feel free to go to my last post in the sub to get the whole story. Basically my college gave us a link to share with family and friends that wouldn't be able to make it.

“Are you going to stream the party after too? Or the breakfast before? Have you figured out how to hug people over the internet? Hmmm... or maybe I could have brought my air mattress or slept in a tent in the yard or grabbed a couch... so I could have seen it in person as it should have been. No big deal. I wanted to hold my sister's hand and cry happy tears but I'll just click that link you shared and everything will be just perfect. Thanks. I haven't been talking about this for the last 6 months or anything... but really it's all I've been talking about. Even my doctors know it's coming up because I told them I needed to be strong enough to get to Florida in time because I couldn't miss it... I talked to your mom about it while I was there and several times since. I even tried to convince your brother to come with me... apparently, I told everyone BUT you. Isn't that funny? But maybe I can cast it to my TV. That might make it seem more lifelike..... this is the first and last time I'm saying anything about this. If you wanted me there, you would have made a way in that big new house of yours. Certainly you'd think that one of the people that raised you might be more important than your boyfriend's sister. You shut me down right away, without even trying to find a solution. I was so excited to see my family and see Blake outside of Oregon - something that will probably never happen again. Lol... but clearly I wasn't wanted there. Knowing I was crying and upset about it, I haven't heard from anyone since. But she posted a link everyone... I feel so much better. My heart is so broken. I cried for days... Elizabeth is my witness. The person I thought would care about me the most doesn't give a damn about me at all. I might as well have died in that accident!!! I fought through all of this just to be rejected by the person I gave up everything for. Life is so funny sometimes. I don't need responses or anything. I just needed my so called family to know how I feel about the situation. And now, I'm over it.”

Situation - wife and I just had a baby, 12 weeks old. Wife didn't get enough support in her postpartum because of her parent's health issues. She is still recovering, back pains, tired most of the time. So we invited my parents to stay with us and help out a bit. I was on parental leave for 6 weeks, but I started work few weeks ago.

A week after they arrived. I realized my mother doesn't respect my wife. She only calls my name and indirectly implies that the dinner is ready for both. And says while playing with the baby - 'why do you want your mummy to pick you up again and again' or 'you like your father more'. When I argued, she said 'mother gives baby a milk, but father does everything else'. And she says these things casually. Backstory - few days back, I noticed my father still chews tobacco, and I was disgusted by this and don't allow him to touch the baby till I know for the fact he has quit. I think my mother's ego is hurt because of this and she keeps saying all this. She also compares the baby with my sister's 6 year old son (I know, makes no sense) and is more close with her.

I don't know why I don't argue with her more, I feel like I am failing my wife. She needs more respect, if not anything, she just had a baby for God sake. We were thinking my parents would understand the situation, step in and make our lives little bit easy. But dealing with them is more challenging day by day.

What do I do? Send them back? They wouldn't understand why I confront them eveytime, and hurt their massive egos.

I have always loved going to the zoo & visiting park grounds- nature & animals :) My family has taken me there multiple times. This was about 2017. I was 20 - 25 years old at the time. Me & my boyfriend had saved up enough money for him to fly and visit me. It was more amazing than I could have expected, I got along with him well, he was supportive & fun to hang out with. My family didn't like that. There are multiple stories I could tell about my family but I have one in particular I want to mention.

During this time, we had mainly planned the visit (since it was only 3 weeks) to just be time we spent together. To see if we liked each other as much as we did without pixels in the way, I believe we did.

Anyway, the point is I did end up visiting a couple of places with him that I wanted to show him. However, we often wanted to do our own thing but my parents insisted on taking us places. They were nice places to visit (beaches and stuff) but I didn't expect my family to take us anywhere and my parents never ran any of it by me before they suggested it on the day. We went with it because we knew they were trying to be nice and show him things he'd never seen before and give me stories to tell. Perhaps they were worried and didn't want to give him a lot of time to be alone with me, who knows.

I had preplanned (nothing purchased) with my boyfriend to go to the zoo with him at some point, using public transport and without relying on anyone else. He knew I loved the zoo & he wanted to go too. However, when I mentioned my plans during my boyfriends stay, my mother, lets call her Crystal.... was adamently against me going with him. Crystal refused to "let me go" there even though he & I were adults at the time. Like it's just something we would have enjoyed. Crystal said it was a waste of his time & our money to do this while he could see so many other "better" things. To him, he only really visited to see me, not to be a tourist so he didn't understand why it mattered to Crystal so much.

Just to clarify, he is not abusive, physically or verbally. My sisters are narcissists, although I didn't realise it at the time and Crystal can be fairly good at guilting me.

In the end because of what Crystal said, I didn't end up going. Next time we get enough money together for him to come back, provided I don't travel to him instead next time, I won't be telling Crystal because frankly I'm an adult and it's really none of Crystals business anyway. I suppose it's easier to say it now, than actually keeping it a secret from her at the time. I get so excited. I'm just going to go with him, I can't give Crystal a chance to guilt me out of it and control me like that.

I was really upset and torn. Especially because it didn't make any sense to me. Why would Crystal do that? Crystal didn't stop me from taking him on a day trip somewhere else, where it was just the two of us.

Brief tw for csa, cp & abuse. I won’t go too far into detail

Around four years ago I moved out from my home. I moved out because two men that lived at my Grans were sexually abusing me - one was arrested for downloading cp when I was eleven. Consequently I lost my mother, step father and the worst, my Gran. She was my best friend growing up, and four years later I still grieve her like it happened yesterday.

I reached out to my Gran a few years ago and she told me she missed me. She asked me to call, so I said okay. I wanted answers. She told me she never abandoned me, that she wasn’t allowed to talk to me. She said she believes me and she’s sorry.

I found out today that my mother has been telling people that I’m lying about the situation, which I’m not, but it’s made all my anger come back. I didn’t have any intention of reaching out to her anyway, she was very controlling and I was extremely depressed in her presence.

Anyway, does anyone here think it’s a bad idea to meet up with my Gran? I’m hoping to get more answers from her. She also offered to let me read one of the men’s courts documents that prove the newspaper was lying about him. I need to know.

That’s basically all I’m wondering. Am I stupid? I just miss her, but I think I’m ready for this no matter the result

Alright folks, its long so strap in. And probably confusing.

my (27F and still living at home because haha rent here is insane) parents divorced when I was 12. It was a mess of custody battles that eventually settled, but the reasoning was that my mom cheated on my dad. Her reasoning was that he was incredibly abusive, and to her credit- he was a struggling bipolar, shit wasn't pretty but he certainly never was abusive. Her only option was to cheat on him and move in with her new boyfriend (Who has hated me right from the start because he didn't have a good relationship with his own children, so he hated me for having a relationship with my mom). It traumatized me seeing her move out, as I just had a (unrelated and also at age 12) major accident and now struggle with severe anxiety and depression/PTSD because of said it. I had a really tough part of my childhood with hospitalizations and therapy, and my mom was there for none of it. For a good long while (a couple years) I didn't see my mom because she was so in love with her child free life and her new boyfriend. She did everything she could to convince me that her life was better off without me. It did a number on me.

Eventually over the course of a decade, my mom came back into my life (out of guilt, I guess?) and we rebuilt all together as a family. My parents are still separated, but we have a stronger bond now as a make shift little family.

Cut to present day. I am an adult with my own life and things, but I'm still very very close to my parents. I spend my time when I am not working taking care of my dad, and on days I'm not working I take care of my mother. Both are disabled (not overly, but to the point where they need help now). I genuinely dont mind it, because I still have an social life still and have a very good relationship with both of them now too. My mom and dad are best friends now, and love doing things together/going on trips together and helping each other out. I still majorly struggle with ptsd from the accident, and my mental age doesn't match my physical age but hey, I have a good job and I'm doing mostly okay with my life right now so that's gotta count for something. My mom turned from being nasty about having a child to being the best mother she could be, even when I was an adult. We did *everything* together and had a genuine blast doing it all. Picked up new hobbies, went on trips, binged shows together, it's all been a blast and I love her so much for it. I never felt like a caretaker to her, but just a daughter to her. When the pandemic hit, I was her full time carer (at age 24) for 2 years because she is Immuno-compromised and couldn't go out. I think that made our bond stronger if anything.

Then her monster of a boyfriend did something to her somehow. Not to be dramatic but I'm convinced he brainwashed her or something. He has a big belief in 'children dont need parents once they hit 18, because they should be out of the house and ready to start a family of their own (he's also over 70 years old so go figure.). Over the course of the last few months, my mother has been more cold to me and distant from me. I thought it was because money has been a bit tighter, she's been sicker lately and stress was getting to her. She started cancelling plans with me, saying she'd rather hang out with her friends (which is 100% fine, but mind you her 'friends' are younger than me and she sees herself like a parent to them). She started to ignore my texts more and more, and started doing the same with my dad.

The icing on the cake came last month. She's moving away to be closer to her 'friends' and to 'get her own life away from her old life'. The new house is too far to go a visit her at, unless I took days off work, so basically I can't visit her anymore. I expressed how upset I was over this sudden change, and was met with name calling and screaming. I got left at the side of the road once because I said that I "didn't want to lose my mother suddenly like this.". I get called dramatic and unstable, immature and "a bitch for not being happy for her.". Not only am I losing any direct in person time with my mother, but my mother is losing a caretaker. I'm worried for her.

But the abuse is getting to me. It feels like I'm 12 again and losing my mom all over again. It would kill me to go not contact with her, but the way she's treating me over this and the realization that she doesn't want me to be in her life anymore is making me want to just cut ties. I'm not dependant on her for money or anything, so cutting ties would only hurt me emotionally rather than life wise I guess. My dad has all but shut down over this, as he's losing his best friend as well.

The worst part about all of this is I grew to love her cats she has. They're my babies too. They go with her obviously so now i'm losing my cats and my mom in one go.

What are your thoughts?

This is a very long one. I have been gathering courage to write about my childhood experiences for a while, but I always thought maybe these problems aren’t as bad and as traumatic compared to what some other people experienced. But hoping that someone will be able to validate my feelings. I’m now in my mid 20s, living in a different country far away from my family, but feel like my Pandora’s box has opened and don’t know how to close it. I am on a waiting list for free counselling, but last time I tried, the therapist didn’t really help. She asked me to reenact painful memories in front of her, to “release the emotions” and this really didn’t help.

To an outsider, I had a perfect life. I was a smart kid, a valedictorian, I had amazing loving parents, I had absolutely everything. But my family was incredibly toxic. I am not trying to defend them, but just for the context - they lived through a war. I would say they are kind people at heart, but maybe life has given them a bad set of cards.

Growing up, I was walking on eggshells all the time. They used to say all families argue, and this is all okay. But now, I don’t think it was normal. There wouldn’t be a period of two days where mom and dad didn’t argue. It never got physically out of hand, but they were very loud and verbally aggressive. There were threats. Especially from him. There were some micro aggressions as well (I think), but as I’m getting older my memory is getting blurry and I am often scared that maybe I am exaggerating things. I think I was anxious and depressed for years, without even understanding what depression is. It was just my normal.

My dad once told me if I don’t stop my tantrum, there will be a stain left on the wall when he’s done with me. Often they would argue in a car, and he once said he will drive us all into a wall if we don’t shut up. Those two instances in particular stuck with me. In social settings, I was never the loudest person in the room, but in these instances when they would argue, something inside of me would just snap. And as they were all shouting, I would start shouting the loudest, filled with so much anger and vocalising how much I hate it. I would turn into someone I barely recognised. I hated that they argue, I hated that they aren’t divorced, I hated everything about how we lived. I tapped into the darkest corners of my mind and I remember wishing that my dad was dead, not in the way that I wished him to suffer, but more in a way that I wished he just didn’t exist. After these arguments, he would come knocking at my door and apologising, and as a naive child, I would always let him in. My only source of joy was my puppy, whom I got when I was 14, after begging them for years. Sadly, she passed away after just seven months from a heart attack. Later, I learned that an evil neighbour (whom I am pretty sure is mentally unstable) might have poisoned our grass, but this is a story for another time. My parents said on the day the puppy died, that they would let me get me another rescue dog, because they knew how much it meant to me, but of course, it was a lie. They made every excuse under the sun not to let me have a dog. Looking back at it, I think they never understood how much animals meant to me. He used to get so frustrated just driving the puppy in the car (30°C summer heat), as he was annoyed the dog was panting (!!) He also made me chain her when guests came, so she wouldn’t jump on them. He had an awful childhood, and I think he had some mental health repercussions. I never understood him, and I wish I did. There were times he was calm and kind, so this was very confusing. I always tried to justify his actions.

Moving to our living situation, we shared a property with a woman who was making life a living hell for my mom and grandma (and me). My dad never stood up for them. I think amongst all of this, my mom lost herself. She would never leave the house, she wouldn’t have money to do anything, and she just started living her life through me. She started micromanaging me, from what I wear, to how my eyelashes look. My “small tummy” was always brought up. She used to be my best friend, but somehow she turned into someone I couldn’t stand anymore. I used to tell her that I promise once I am older, I will earn enough and she can leave my dad. But now I couldn’t stand her anymore. She never respected my boundaries until I blew up. She crossed every boundary I set for our communication. I can’t get over it, for all the times she didn’t stand up for her child’s mental health, all the times she told me to “toughen up” when I told her I don’t want to exist anymore, the times she told me to keep it quiet, because it’s embarrassing if our neighbours knew. She even called me a schizophrenic when I was about 14, for shouting after one of their arguments escalated (and she was embarrassed people would hear). Ended up crying in my room doing a test for schizophrenia online, because I thought maybe I was the problem.

The happiest year of my life was a year I left home for uni. I never missed them, and I was questioning whether I loved them. I always felt guilty for even having this thought, because my mom made a lot of sacrifices so I could live this life. I didn’t write it all out here, but there was many many good things she did for me too. The reason I’m writing about this now? Because about three years ago, I had to travel back to their country, as I developed a medical condition (this condition also caused me so much anxiety which didn’t help). While I was there, he got verbally abusive towards my mum, and I calmly but firmly stood up for her. He then lost it, and told me that I know nothing about their relationship, nothing about their marriage, and that maybe if I had been a better child, he would have treated me better. For the context, I never smoked, never drank alcohol, never hung with the “bad” crowd. I studied a lot, and never partied. Ever since this, it’s like I have been having a 3y long breakdown. For the last three years, I don’t feel like myself. I have gone no contact with him, but he sends me emails occasionally. My mom also keeps poking, sending me messages and trying to make peace with me. All of them include quotes about moving on and toxic positivity. I don’t think she understands that what was bad few years for her, was my whole childhood. I have developed a chronic burnout, and I am unable to do my job effectively. Now I have so many symptoms of ADD, even though I used to have brilliant focus when I was growing up. I have a wonderful, kind partner, but he is extremely bad at talking about emotions. He never says the right thing when I need to hear it, and just can’t do a pep-talk. But he is always trying, and kind to me. I wish I could just factory reset my brain. I want to forget everything, but my partner. I am also really struggling with the thought of having children because I never experienced a functioning family unit.

My mom (37F) and my dad (54M) have been divorced since I (13F) was 2. Today my mom and I went to get my dad from the train station so he can spend a little time at our house before going to his. A couple hours ago, I had my first family dinner and right now, i'm in my mom's car. I never tought i wanted something like this one day. I tought i was okay with this but apparently i was wrong. It's the first they're sitting next to eachother in a car while i sit behind. The first time I feel like I have a family. Even if they kept arguing the whole time like they always do, it felt so good and that's what scares me. Because it's the only and surely the last moment i get like that. If you are like me, a child born in a broken family, i see you, you're not alone and you WILL get trough this. I believe in you <3

i’m 20f, with a dysfunctional family.

my parents separated when i was 16 due to financial issues, but it was mainly due to the verbal and emotional abuse my mom suffered from my dad that accumulated overtime. since then, we’ve all been living under the same roof (mom sleeps upstairs in the MB, while dad sleeps in the basement) and it’s been a toxic household for years. i never once thought in my 20 years of living that i’d have a broken family.

we’re a family of four — my mom, dad and my teenage brother (16). we used to be a very simple and normal family; we had meals together, went on family vacations and did activities any other normal family would do. i grew up being a daddy’s girl while my brother grew up closer to my mom. but ever since the separation, i started growing very distant from my dad. he isn’t the same person he was before — he is now a manipulative, gaslighting and narcissistic father, with a victim complex. it was hard to see my dad gradually change, and i still grieve for the relationship we used to have. my mom on the other hand, did not change much but she pushes me away a lot without her realizing it. as a result, this has also caused me to push my loved ones away as a coping mechanism.

i remember when the fighting started back in 2020, i didn’t think too much of it because like any other couple, it was normal. however the fights began to escalate to the point where one day everything changed and the house became dead silent. on top of that, being the eldest isn’t easy. i also have to act like a parent to my sibling and carry out responsibilities that my parents didn’t do despite having my own.

this whole family dysfunction started significantly affected my mental health in the beginning of my last 2 years in high school. it impacted my studies and my lifestyle choices. during my senior year in highschool i went to the school counsellor very often and explained how i felt the best that i could. counselling was just for me to rant, cry and let loose, but even he couldn’t give me any solutions because this wasn’t my problem, but my parents. my parents also never knew about me skipping class to go see the counsellor. they never once were contacted or informed about what happened in school. i remember wanting them both to attend my graduation ceremony (in 2021) and it was one of the most awkward situations ever. i knew that they didn’t wanna be near each other, however they did it all for me. we had a family photo taken that day and that was especially a hard moment for all of us.

i also did therapy for a few months back in 2022. it did help me for a little while but eventually i stopped going because it was not only expensive, but it became a nuisance since the therapist always mentioned to bring both parents to the next session (they would never go even if i asked!). i did mention this to my mom but she was stubborn and said that she could not last a single session. and asking my dad was useless because i knew he would never go.

over the years (until now), my brother and i have been my parents trauma dumpers, and this is actually how my trauma worsened. because they no longer talk face to face, they use us to talk shit about each other. i have talked to them about this several times explaining that we shouldn’t be hearing such things, but they never listened. they still continue to do so and this has caused me to just take it all in even though i was breaking inside. this developed my fear of opening up to my parents for the sole purpose of not wanting to self-sabotage and hear things i cannot handle.

for instance, i do not like bringing up the topic of divorce because i know i cannot handle hearing about it. they have mentioned and asked about how i feel about it, and i told them both individually that if it’s for the better then it’s the best decision that they could ever make. even though my head is stuck on that idea, i know my heart thinks otherwise. i know that deep down i still hope that we can be complete again, but the damage has been done. i have accepted the fact that my parents will never get back together, but not the fact that my family will never be the same again.

fast forward to now, we all still live in the same house and my parents no longer talk to each other. they avoid each other 24/7 and we all pretend like everything’s fine. now that i’m in my 3rd year in university, i do have more responsibilities and more important things to worry about. however, this always runs in the back of my head.

at this point, my dad is a totally changed person and not in a good way. he continues to manipulate me and my brother and convince us that he’s the one being mistreated, not my mom. he also isn’t aware that i know that he’s been going around his workplace telling everyone little details about what goes on in our family, and this is to feed his ego and for others to pity him. my dad has become a terrible person as much as i hate to admit it. it breaks my heart seeing him turn into someone i never thought he’d become.

to be clear, my parents aren’t divorced yet despite being separated for 4 years now. one of the reasons why my mom still hasn’t pushed through with the divorce is because she knows the major impact it can have on me and my brother. we simply cannot afford to move out, just the 3 of us. she also knows that we would suffer even more without my dad, the breadwinner of the family and also the reason why we’re in this mess. while i understand and appreciate the thought, i hate to see all of us continue to be stuck in the same house acting like everything’s fine. both my parents also decided a while back that they would wait until my brother got a bit older, but i don’t think they realize that just causes more damage. while i’m not sure if that mutual decision still stands, now that my brother has gotten older (now 16), i feel like it’s starting to all kick in. he is now the age that i was when this whole situation started. i also don’t want him to suffer mentally the way i did.

i feel that ive lost half of my teenage years to my mental health and did not have parents when i needed them the most. i still feel like the unhealed 16 year old trying to understand why all of this had to happen. i love my parents equally, but sometimes i really hate how they handled the whole situation. it was bound to happen at some point, but i just wish they didn’t have to affect my mental health this bad. i still feel like i never got the chance to heal properly. the worst thing my parents could’ve done is get me involved in their personal matters and bring me down with them. i really don’t wanna blame them, but it can’t be helped.

it is still hard for me to process everything and move on, and from time to time i still have my moments. sometimes i convince myself that i’ve gotten stronger but then i fall back down again. i know that healing isn’t linear, but i’ve been in a situation for 4 years where they choose not to change. it’s like my parents know there’s still unhealed wounds but they don’t want to do anything about it. i know we’re all healing in our own ways, but i feel like i cannot move forward if my parents don’t want to just as much as i do. and before you come for me saying that i should just talk to the both of them, it’s harder to say than do, and i’ve tried. my parents are both stubborn and prideful, and i just don’t have the courage anymore to speak up for myself after trying countless times just to have my feelings invalidated.

i’m not sure how many reads this will get, but i just wanted to say thank you for getting through this whole thing. it is a lot but i wanted to tell a story i thought i could never share. i do believe that things will get better, but it’s just gotten really exhausting and i could really use some advice.

My dad decided to go school clothes shopping with us, which was completely out of character. He hated shopping and he hated us. He was also pretty stoned, which usually zapped him of all ambition. But it was late-June in 1983. My dad was unemployed, and would be considered a worthless shit to most. Little would anyone know that my dad was living the lifestyle of a man seeking long-term disability. My dad had been hurt at work, making this his third go-around with the California Division of Workers' Compensation. He was technically too disabled to walk, yet he would spend weekdays tearing apart washers and dryers, fixing them and flipping in the Pennysaver magazine for a profit.

My dad had plenty of raw, natural gorilla energy mixed with the pharmaceuticals prescribed to help him manage the torment of lower-back pain that he experienced without mercy. According to court filings, my father was a near-invalid. In real life, my old man was a 29 year old thug who still carried himself like a varsity tackle from his high school hay day at Hawthorne High School. He was 5 feet 9 inches tall, weighing in at 240 lbs, with an IQ of 40. My dad thrived on having fun at other people's expense. He was a bully and a dimwit.

There was a department store in Torrance, California called Best. We didn't shop at Best. Best didn't have layaway. We shopped at the little children's clothes store next door to Best, which provided layaway to customers like my parents who were too irresponsible to just buy their kids clothes outright. My mother's habit of sizing us up for the next year's school clothes in June was another ingredient to this shit soup. By September when my mother would pay the bill for the clothes, my sister and I had outgrown the clothes that were sitting in layaway lockup all summer.

My sister and I picked out the shorts and shirts that we wouldn't see again until after summer. My mother then filled out the appropriate layaway paperwork at the counter. My dad had been standing outside the store the entire time, swinging his arms out and in, out and in, fist landing in hand. He's scanning the parking lot looking for somebody who thinks that they're hot shit.

My family (mom, dad, younger sister) then went next door to Best. I loved Best. Best had the greatest toy department ever. Whole rows of Star Wars toys. This was in the days when you could just abandon your child at a toy department and forget about him. You could go to a movie, visit Portugal, donate a kidney, and when you're done, swing by the toy department, and there's your kid looking at the same thing that he was looking at when you left him.

My dad wanted me to stick with him in Best because he was bored. My mom needed to take my sister to the girls' clothing department because she was loved more than I was. I NEVER got anything from the boys' department of Best. I don't think I ever stepped foot in the boys' section at Best. All of my clothes came from the little shop next door where all of the signs on the walls and over the cash register were in Spanish.

My mom takes my sister in a dressing room to try something on. I'm following my dad around. My dad decides that he is bored with playing Mister Nice Guy, so he grabs a black tutu (girls' ballet skirt), puts it on his head, and starts imitating a black guy. My dad starts singing, 'Soul Man' and strutting around calling other men in the store, 'brother'.

Almost exactly one year ago I posted something similar so let’s see if I get any more advice.

I went to live with my Aunt when I was 14. She was 35 and had no kids of her own. After I moved in with her, a year later I moved out and went to live with some friends because she would party all night and have a bunch of men over. She felt betrayed but I didn’t feel safe living with her. I moved back in with her maybe a year and a half later. I then graduated high school and moved four hours south to go to school. She never visit me and barely checked in on me. I was working two jobs while trying to go to school. My mom was the only one to help me financially.

Now I’m graduating in May 🎉🤗 and I live in Florida while she’s in Texas. I bought a house in September so she’s trying to stay with me but she always makes things about herself and refuses to sleep on a bed so instead she’ll hog the whole living room. We’re having a party the day after and I just don’t want anyone to be sleeping on the couch or have their shit all over.

FINALLY: I told her she would have to get a place to stay because our house is gonna be full and she started saying how shitty it was that I didn’t save a spot for her to sleep (she told me at the beginning of March she wouldn’t be able to travel due to her chemo). She also keeps making my graduation about herself already and how she sacrificed her youth and life for me. I’m over it and the way she treated me when I visited last year is stuck in my head. I believe it would be best if she got a hotel room and not stay with us. My mom and her husband will be staying with us and when it’s all three of us together my aunt is well known for starting shit with my mom or I. So now we’re not talking and honestly chemo or not she’s has always try to be the center of attention and I’m not dealing with it. I don’t know why my house is a catch all everytime people travel, anytime I travel to visit them I have to get a damn place but my house should have an open door policy?

Thanks for letting me vent.

I 29(f) am getting married September 2024 to my wonderful partner of 5 years (32m). A little background. I was adopted a birth by my amazing parents. I had an open adoption meaning I was allowed contact with my birth family. My birth mom and I have always had a good relationship. She and my half siblings (her kids with her now husband) are coming to my wedding. I see them at Christmas. My half sister is a bridesmaid in the wedding. I didn’t meet my birth-dad (BD) until I was 15. He’d been in an out prison until then for various things. Mostly related to drugs. When I was 16, I went to live with him for 6-months. (That’s a whole other story in itself). Things were good. At first. Then his girlfriend kicked me out of their house. I was in another state from my entire family. I had to stay with my BF at the time family for a week until I could get back to my home state with my parents. My BD did nothing. He went back to the house with her. He chose his GF over me. I didn’t talk to him until I was 20. The only reason we started talking again was because of my half brother. My BD youngest son. I finally was able to find him (my brother) and create a relationship right before he graduated HS. He had never met our bio dad. He wanted to meet him. So I became the mediator and coordinated BD to come to his graduation. My bro really wanted to meet him. It wasn’t my place to deny him that because of my past issues. But people never change.. at least BD didn’t. Over the years following, promises were made and never kept. We went no contact again. Then my other brother died at 24 (BD eldest son) the day before my 25th birthday. We reconnected for his funeral. Hoping the shock of losing a son would show him that he’s missing out on his kids life would change him. It didn’t. Things got worse. We went NC again. Then He began contacting me for money (drugs). He ended up going back to prison a couple years ago for a parole violation. After he got out, he tried saying he’s changed and that’s he’s a POS. Yadda yadda. Same ole shit. We’ve been no contact for about 2-3 years now. I don’t plan to change this. I do want to tell him that I am getting married. To shove it in his face? To show him that I never needed him? To just show him that my life is great? I’m not sure. I am worried what opening this door will do. I highly doubt he’d show up to the wedding. We’ve kept the details of social media so there’s no way he’d be able to find out where and when unless someone told him. But no one would. Do I tell him or not?

I'm really struggling with being caught in the middle of my family's drama. Despite my efforts to lead a peaceful life after a tumultuous childhood, the ongoing conflict between my mom and sister is taking a toll on me. They both involve me in their disputes, offering conflicting stories with no resolution in sight. My sister's turbulent relationship choices, including dating someone in prison for murder, only add to the chaos. Meanwhile, my mom's anger issues and controlling behavior exacerbate the situation. I feel torn between maintaining a relationship with my sister to see my beloved niece and preserving my bond with my mom, despite the strain her behavior puts on me. It's emotionally draining, and sometimes I just wish for the simplicity of a normal, happy family dynamic. I’m not sure what to do…

I’m one of those stupid sappy people who gives people a million chances.

Like…my main thing in my life is I’ve always wanted to be loved just for me. I can remember that being a deep longing as far back as I can remember.

Anyway, I grew up in a family so dysfunctional that a psychiatrist would be able to write a dissertation on it. Just, multiple layers of dysfunction spanning several generations. Mom was a splitter, who was raised by a sadistic psychopath, my father is an abusive addict who has BPD, my sister has BPD, my other sister is emotionally remote and still drinks like she’s 22 at 52.

To cut to the chase, I’ve always tried to go above and beyond for my family for the reason I said above.

Because of the circumstances of my birth, my sisters don’t particularly like me and never honestly have. Like I do not occur to them.

After our mom died, they hung out a lot, all through the pandemic, etc. Never once did they ask me to come. Never once invited me. They knew that our mother’s death hit me just as hard if not harder being the youngest, but…I was absolutely alone and isolated during the pandemic with no support and I would see them hanging out on Facebook or after the pandemic going to concerts etc and I never got an invite. Nothing.

One of my sisters was always the problem child. And the scapegoat. And I recognized that and have always been kindly to her

Her kids and our other sister cut her off for an entire year back in 2015- 2016. Our other sister would even say to me “why do you talk to her, she’s a piece of shit?” And I’d be like you can’t kick someone when they’re down…

I helped her move. I was the only person to help her move. I didn’t ask for a penny.

I reconciled her to our mom in 2015 after they hadn’t spoken for 3 years.

When our mom was on her death bed, our mom didn’t want to talk to her. I said Ma, you know how she is (she’s a bit fragile mentally and has abandonment issues, besides the BPD). I said, If she doesn’t get closure, she won’t be good. It’ll fuck her up. She said you’re right and relented and gave her a final phone call and assured her she loved her.

I’ve always had her back. I’ve always defended her. Made excuses for her.

I helped hold together her marriage when I was 15. She and her husband confided to me separately about their mutual cheating and I helped reconcile them for the sake of her children. She wanted to take her kids and run away to a bad neighborhood in the middle of the night.

She got through college because I wrote 90% of her papers for her (while I was also in college myself). And she would always ask me at the last minute (like a day or two before they were due) and the one time I told her I couldn’t she got angry at me.

So lately an issue came up and I asked her if I could borrow $1,600.

She just got $30,000 from my father (her stepfather) at Christmas because I pushed for it. My father had just sold a house a few months prior; we’re not wealthy.

I did the legwork in reconciling them for the better part of 8 months last year beforehand.

My father was convinced he was gonna die, and wanted to make amends and he and I discussed amounts, etc. I pushed for her to get it to help her life get better. To give her a shot at getting out of the pit she’s in.

So now I’m going through some shit and I’ve never in my life asked her for a dime. Not a single red cent in 33 years.

And she ignored the text and responded about a different topic all together. I brought up and she’s like doing a poverty act.

And I said could you do half ($800) it would save my neck. Ignored totally. Not even a “no.” Just ignored.

I’m not saying I’m entitled to anything.

She isn’t obligated to me.

But I’ve tried my best to be a good brother. I’ve been there for her when no one else was. I’ve helped her out in innumerable ways, ways that go beyond a dollar.

And like I said this is on top of 4+ years of no invites. No “hey how are you?” But she’ll text me at 5am cause her heart is racing. When she would have panic attacks I’d be on the phone with her from 12am - 6am calming her down. I found her estranged son for her by doing detective work because she was worried he was dead.

And she who just got a large sum of money couldn’t even give me $800.

It’s not even the money. It’s the clear lack of giving a fuck about me when I have bent over backwards to be a good sibling for 33 years.

I just keep thinking , why my folks never had/or will have the ability to understand what went wrong.This bugs me that there will never be any realization, l don't expect anything to change , no apologies or anything, just the realization. Why are some ppl just so incapable of understanding how they have passively ruined their children's lives!

My relationship with my father has gotten very complicated and messy for me as an adult. there is so much history but I recently got married last week and my number one worry was that my father would act up and cause a scene at my wedding thus embarrassing me, my sister and mom in front of my husband, his family and our closest friends. Well he didn’t have an outburst (this time) but he didn’t smile in a single wedding photo. I have no photos of my family where my father is smiling AT MY WEDDING.

Just thought I could come here and rant about that and how devastated that makes me

I am 22(f) and still live at home with my parents and my younger sister. Growing up we lived in a house that was always 'being renovated'. That's what my parents would tell us to say to our friends or anyone who we wanted to come over. It was embarrassing. Half of the walls missing and not painted, no carpet or proper flooring, tiny tiny rooms, exposed wires, front house paint chipped and rotting away, the list goes on. I hardly had friends over because I was so embarrassed of my house. My parents would always say that if I didn't dance, we would have a nice house, or it would be in better shape. Always blaming dance or other things for the reason the house looks the way it is. To this day there are still missing walls, ceilings not painted, exposed wires, and no flooring. To add to this, ever since I was 9 my parents were always fighting. Every year they would go through the same thing, fight to the point they decide to 'split', tell us kids they were splitting, get a real estate person to come and quote our house, wait a couple of weeks, tell us they are going to sort things out and they loved each other, and then repeat the entire cycle again, year after year. I am so scared of relationships and marriage because of this.

When I was 14 I had to step up in terms of cleaning and looking after myself. My sister got into a musical in our home town and my mum was always out with her going to rehearsals, shows etc. My dad hasn't really been present in my life, like he lives with me and stuff but never took interest into what i was doing. All he cared about was I should have put more effort into school to get better grades. I have been looking after myself and cleaning the house since I was 14 and my sister has never had to do anything for herself. My mum always did her laundry, cleaned her room, and changed her bed sheets up until about a year ago (she had turned 20).

Now, my sister and I live upstairs and my parents moved downstairs (our house is split level). So it is up to my sister and I to look after and clean our 'house'. But because of my mum doing everything for my sister as she was growing up, my sister does nothing to help me. We implemented a roster that we follow to ensure daily cleaning tasks are done and their is someone who will be responsible. But it still doesnt work. The only thing she does is empty the dishwasher in the mornings that she is assigned to do.

I will take it upon myself to fully clean the house when I notice that it is becoming way to messy and dirty. I am never given any thanks and within 2 days it is back to being an absolute mess. My parents will always yell at my sister and I when the house is messy saying that it is unacceptable and disgusting. When I bring up issues about my sister not doing things to my mum she brushes it off and says "I will talk to her". But if my sister mentions to mum about me forgetting to do something I am yelled at and its a whole lecture how we need to work together to keep the house clean.

I always try to do my tasks everyday but lately I feel like no matter what I do it is never enough. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 15 and never went on medication or anything to help because my mum didn't believe in it. When my sister got diagnosed with depression at 19 my mum straight away put her on meds. When i asked her why she said "because its affecting her school, her mood, everything. She is so depressed". I remember feeling so crap after hearing this, because at 15 there were times I was almost taken to a mental hospital because I wanted to kill myself. My parents would always yell at me and tell me I had nothing to be depressed about because I had a roof over my head and food on the table.

My sister and I had an argument yesterday about cleaning, she was mad that I didn't do one little thing and I told her I would do it later because I wanted to sleep (I had worked from 4:30am - 12:00pm that day). She insisted I do it now and when I told her to go and leave me alone she told me that I'm saying that because I know shes right. Whenever I try to say she never does anything, she will always turn around and bring up things I dont do. No matter what I do I feel like nothing is ever good enough, I dont know what to do anymore and I am so over being treated like this.

I brought my car in 2021 and gave my sister my old car. Last year my sister was out driving with her friends late at night and her friend pulled the handbrake up causing my sister to crash and write her car off. She still doesn't have her own car, yet she keeps messing up mine. My parents told me we had to share my car (even though the car is under my name and was brought with my money). She always spills things and leaves her stuff in the car. My mum gets annoyed at both my sister and I when we both need the car, she will say to me "Bridgett, your sister is going to uni so she can take the car, I am sure you can miss one day of not going to the gym". Why does she get priority when its my car?

I asked my mum why she favours my sister (been asking for about 6 years) but I am always told that she doesn't have favourites, but yet it feels like she does? Why does she treat me so differently? Has anyone else experienced something like this? I don't know if this is considered a toxic family or not but I just don't know what to feel anymore?

Family tea involving a wide variety of twists and turns

Throwaway account cause this family tea is MESSY. And I have followed the drama and have realized that they are going a bad job managing the situation. So here I am.

This tea will involve multiple people and I have changed names to protect them

So we have two sides to the story one being side I'll name him Victor. He the biggest player in this mess and up until 2 years ago has multi-generational assets. There is a lot of properties and they are worth millions. These assets are the key in all this.

Let's go back 10 years and Victor met Belinda. None of us knew how elaborate and precise her scheme was. Belinda has since revealed her true intentions.

Flashback to two years ago. We start to notice that Victor is showing signs of potential dementia and/or memory problems. He is well into his 80s by the way. These symptoms are undiagnosed and I'll explain why. Over the last 2 years it's just getting worse and worse.

Now for the grand scheme and Belinda's ultimate plan to come to fruition. Step 1. Wait till Victor becomes ill enough to not know what he is doing. ✔️ Step 2. Manipulating him into MARRIAGE. , ✔️ They eloped in secret. No family attended in protest.
Step 3. This step is what triggered all the mess and controversy. It all started in the fall of 2023 when Family members noticed something odd in the newspaper.

Follow for part 2. And trust me it gets good.

My older sister has a lot of physical and mental health issues but her bouts of trying to get better are shorter and father between every time. For years she has lived in a hoarder type situation with her husband. She works remotely from home and her husband doesn't work. They have friends through online video games but they usually only leave the house to get food.

For years my sister would promise to show up for us and then bails most of the time. My daughter is almost 3 and I can count on one hand the number of times she has seen my sister. Despite the fact she only lives 10 minutes away.

In March my sister bailed on a family function and afterwards texted me, "Are you mad at me?"

I responded, "I am not angry but I do want you to take better care of yourself. You are almost always sick when we are supposed to get together and it is interfering with our ability to have a close relationship"

She replied, "then stop trying to have a relationship with me"

It really hurt. She told everyone I said she should feel bad about herself which is completely fabricated.

I didn't hear from her until this past Thursday when she asked if she could come over and give me a gift. I cleared my plans Sunday and she actually showed up!

I asked her if we could talk about our conversation and she agreed. I told her I was sorry if my comments made her feel judged but I miss her and want a relationship with her but when she told me to stop trying to have a relationship with her it really hurt. Our father was the kind who showed up every year or two and wanted to act like everything was fine and ignore us the rest of the time so I did tell her that it felt like dad.

She told me I was judging her, this is just the way she is, and I shouldn't have any expectations of her.

I tried further to explain I want to support her in getting healthy not judge her. She said I was acting like she needs to be fixed and she left.

My daughter cried because she didn't get to say goodbye and my sister left without acknowledging her.

Later my sister sent a text to the family group chat saying she has depression and anxiety, this is who she is, and I had criticized her progress.

I know the word gasslit gets thrown around but it felt like that's what she was doing: I told her she hurt my feelings and she basically implies, "how dare you judge me?" In response. She then sent me a text individually saying I hurt her feelings by comparing her to our father... like, so you can say your hurt but I can't? I told her I felt like she is gaslighting me.

I was too hurt to deal with it so I left the group chat and I blocked her number for now. I am not sure I should ever unblock it.

Is it time to just stop fighting for a relationship she clearly doesn't want?