The self compassion workbook and podcast my therapist directs me to references people with minor problems. Maybe that describes my therapist but it doesn’t describe me. My problems are very much major. I am getting angry that because self compassion has helped him, he is assuming it will help me, when we are very differently situated. I suppose my anger is a minor problem that maybe can be addressed but I am still stuck with the major problems and a life that is unbearable. I have tried to explain this to him but I don’t think he is hearing me. I feel like he is so focused on relating to me that he is not hearing me when I say my life is unbearable. What can I say to make him understand? Should I just keep yessing him so that I’m not completely without someone to talk to? Should I quit or wind down? I have been in therapy for many years and a year and a half with him and I think he naively believes that this will make me feel differently. Not sure anything will do that at this point, which I guess means I need to be in therapy or not be in therapy, and I’m not sure which it is. I’m not “resistant,” I’m just different. I actually hate living at this point.

Partly a vent, partly trying to share my experience.

I've been nearly burnt out for almost a month. Every evening I regain just enough energy to drag myself to the office the next day and act like I have it together. I do that every day. When I'm off work I find relief mostly by dissociating on Twitter or IG. Sometimes I go to the gym or go for a walk but the relief is not as complete as it is when my mind is totally somewhere else. On the weekends I tell myself I'll get up early and then I stay in bed on the internet until 10 or 11 am to drown out my anxiety and feel like the day is half over. Every social engagement feels like just another thing on my to do list. More than anything I just want to be relieved of every obligation I have so my brain will stop judging me.

My life is great. I have an interesting job that pays enough for me to live comfortably and travel when I want to. It has good benefits and good wlb. No difficult people to deal with at work or in my life. I have a large social circle and a few close friends all nearby. I have a good family. Live near a cool city. I'm a curious and creative person with a few hobbies I pick up and put down every now and then. I exercise semi-regularly. I'm even a manager at work?? Bizarre, in my mind.

But I'm in a constant state of inner turmoil. I compare myself to others constantly because I'm trying to protect myself from external criticism: "If I know where I stand, no criticism will surprise me". I pushed myself so hard these past few months because I was afraid it would look weak to turn down work. I feel like every waking minute is just a litany of judgements I levy on myself. "I should want to go to work every day, or at least suck it up and act like it like everyone else. If I burn out it's because I'm the one that's weak. I should have been able to handle the work I took on. I would have been able to if I weren't so fucking fragile. I'm a faker in my field. I don't actually know what I'm talking about and I'm not trying to learn because I'm too goddamn tired and there's too much other shit to do and it's all wrong for me anyway. If I weren't such a head case I'd want to see my friends instead of rotting at home. I'm so pathetic. Constantly begging for permission just to exist. I don't even have the goddamn spine to just be open about the fact that I suck I have to keep trying to slither under the radar looking for somebody else's approval because I can't self-validate. I'm such a child." And the kicker: I suck for thinking that I suck and not being able to do anything about it.

I'm so tired. It's relentless. Every little thing I feel or do is a new sharp rock I sling at myself. Got the mail this afternoon and noticed the sting of my own judgement for feeling reluctant to deal with an overdue bill. The idea that I should turn towards this suffering with compassion is so unfamiliar. The judgement I cast is so reflexive that I feel like I can't get in front of it before it hits. And I'm so habituated to the pain I feel from it that I have trouble even identifying it as pain. It's just part of my thinking and has been for so long. The hurt is normal. Expected. "Good...even..." a part of me thinks. It'll help me do the things I need to do. But it doesn't. It just makes me more exhausted and depressed.

Afterward, I try to think about it a little bit though. "This is suffering" I think. Just like I heard in Kristin Neff's meditation recordings. "Suffering is a part of life." I used to think that sounded dismissive. "Suffering is a part of life so why are you so bad at dealing with it? Why are you so bad at life?"-- But then, "Suffering deserves compassion." I do believe that suffering deserves compassion...The thought that humanity's shared experiences of suffering can bind us all together like that gives me some kind of vaguely warm feeling. So why is it so hard to hold my (stupid) fragile feelings and summon a few shreds of loving kindness, tender compassion, whatever, towards myself? It feels awkward and unnatural. But I have to keep trying. I can feel how badly I need it. I hope I'll get good enough at it one day that I can do things without getting in my own way so much.

I believe that talking about ourselves helps us to heal and improve our lives -- and love ourselves.
I would like to start a group where we practice listening to each other in the most nurturing and powerful way possible. I need feedback, so I created a short, 2 minute survey PLUS Everyone Who takes the Survey will be entered in a drawing for $50, $25, $10, $5 Amazon Gift Cards!  (USA only, please.)

https://forms.gle/PbmmrWJKvvuxG4yVA

I would be very grateful for your feedback!

Is Dr. Neff on this sub? Her website has been life changing- both for me and my patients!

Self-compassion is something that’s come up in therapy a lot recently. I am now definitely convinced I have none of it, and I know when I need it, but when it comes time to do it, I refuse. No part of me accept that I’m deserving of self-compassion.

Affirmations and imagining “angels” hugging me doesn’t help. Does anyone have any actually helpful, practical tips for building self-compassion?

If it’s up to my brain, it’s never gonna happen and no one will convince me otherwise.

Hi,

I am a Trainee Clinical Psychologist at The University of Southampton recruiting for my doctoral thesis
project investigating the relationship between childhood experiences, self compassion and the way we understand other people’s thoughts, feelings and intentions.

Participants will be asked to:

1.     Answer multiple choice questions about your childhood experiences, self-compassion and current thoughts about others

2.     Read 5 short stories and answer true or false questions about them

Participation will take approx. 1 hour and is completely anonymous and you will need to be able to play sound on your device.

Are you?

-    between 18 and 65 years of age

-    fluent in the English language

-    able to use the internet to answer multiple choice questions

~Why Participate?~

For the chance win one of 6 x £50 Amazon Vouchers and contribute to current psychological knowledge

This research is funded by The University of Southampton and has been ethically  approved.

ERGO number: 92819

To participate, follow the link below or contact megan.hall@soton.ac.uk

https://southampton.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_8dZwxDBGYjpCw3s

I'm an INFP, 35 and naturally female. I’ve faced deep struggles throughout my life: betrayal by family, heartbreak from a past relationship, and a sense of being misunderstood and overlooked. My school years were tough, filled with feelings of isolation and anxiety.

For a long time, I grappled with self-doubt and struggled to express my emotions. It wasn't until I joined a community dedicated to sharing personal diaries that I discovered the power of healing stories and the courage to face oneself. I realized that my worth and happiness come from helping others and healing myself. Helping others genuinely makes me feel valued.

That’s why I’m launching an emotional experiment: to collect 10,000 moments of breakdowns and exchange them for 2.1 billion Emotional Coins. This experiment is dedicated to those going through emotional struggles. We’re airdropping 100% of these coins to individuals who face their inner selves courageously. The 2.1 billion coins symbolize the bravery and unique essence of 10,000 people confronting their inner truths.

The goal? To heal souls. The essence of this emotional experiment lies in the belief that “Coins themselves have no value; it’s your story that gives them value.” If these coins ever gain value, it will be because your stories have healed you, filling you with love and abundance.

I invite you to share your breakdown moments. Let your story be heard. Allow yourself to be loved. I hope that everyone can grow and thrive through kindness.

Are you willing to join and share your story?

Let’s make this journey of healing and growth together.

Ive been using the hiking shoes that I got to travel southeast asia last fall as my work shoes and I think I ruined them by just stepping into them and squeezing my my foot in without untying them bc now it seems like the back is bent and is hurting the back of my ankles and I'm trying not to be mad at myself for doing that bc they were like over $100 🥲

but I did travel around southeast Asia with them and used them as my work shoes for a few months so I did get use out of them

But I think I ruined them by accident 🥲

Fml oh well

I also looked at the brand online and apparently quite a few people think the quality is bad so I'm trying to blame it on that lol #selfcompassion

I wrote an essay recently that touches on the topic that I will be discussing as a presenter at the Solarpunk Conference 2024 later this month. "Self-compassion as a starting place to address climate change." How does self-compassion address the ills of our world? I thought I would share here and also let everyone know about the Solarpunk Conference that is coming up on June 29th. It is an online event centered around building a more sustainable, technologically harmonious, and nature-friendly future that is the antithesis to Cyberpunk, and you can attend from anywhere in the world.

"The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I change.” ~Carl Rogers
https://optimistichermit.substack.com/p/ripples-of-compassion-change-our

Recently, I’ve been kind of upset because I’ve been seeing a lot of videos of people with really interesting things about their body (hypermobility, having extra fingers, stuff like that) and it just makes me kind of sad because I don’t really have anything that makes me stand out. I’m just a regular human on the outside but I don’t wanna be normal. I know it seems kind of silly, but I just wanna have something.

I recently made a post on R/AmITheAsshole about something my dad said and how I thought it MIGHT have been a bit racist. I wasn’t entirely sure it was, but I just wanted to see what others thought. I got several comments calling me entitled and an asshole, one even calling me the “poster child for entitlement”, but I didn’t even call my dad racist or say that I hate him or anything (I don’t, I love him), I just THOUGHT what he said MIGHT have been racist. Through those comments and self reflection I realized I was misreading the situation and was in the wrong, but I can’t help but feel guilty and that those comments were right. I don’t think like how I did in the post anymore. What should I do?

I’m looking for recommendations for books, podcasts, youtubers etc to do with increasing self worth, self compassion and body image

Does anyone have any advice on how to reduce the amount of self judgment they exact on themselves?

I don’t necessarily have a mean voice in my head saying that I suck but I do judge myself harshly and hold myself to ridiculous standards that I want to let go of.

What has worked for you?

I have read self compassion by Kristen neff and am working through the mindful self compassion workbook.

I've been on my self-worth journey for a while and I have found that my social interactions affect my self-worth the most. What about you?

I'm often surrounded by people who are highly critical of themselves and others. I'm trying my best to be self-compassionate and to not let what they say and do get to me, but sometimes it's really hard. I feel like I shouldn't let it get to me, but it does and that makes me feel like I might be too sensitive even when I'm having a completely normal response to constant harsh criticisms. There are times when I find it difficult to separate what they say/think about me and what I think of myself, and that makes it harder for me to maintain my self-confidence and my sense of self.

I know I need to change my environment; I once saw a quote that said "a toxic environment is more likely to change you than you are to change it." I understand the quote, but I sometimes have a hard time accepting it. Social media has been a blessing in terms of keeping me connected with kind, loving people but I also really want to make time to attend hobby groups and social events so that I can feel a sense of community and belonging. I also have lots of wonderful creative hobbies I love and enjoy, but I sometimes don't feel comfortable sharing them or doing them in front people due to fear of judgement and criticism. I have found that kinder people respond well when I share my interests with them though! I also found that highly critical people make assumptions, generalizations and character attacks on me when I make mistakes while kinder people give me grace and encourage me to improve and grow.

How can I go about changing my inner script and distancing myself from others' criticisms and judgements? Do you have any advice on how to set boundaries with highly critical people who think I'm selfish for putting myself and my needs first? Thanks in advance!

I'm trying to go through a journey of self compassion after all that I've done, my friends were my support system in the very little self worth that I had, and after I've guilt tripped and victimized myself without realizing, my friends called me out without compassion, they said that they felt like I lied to them, and they don't trust me anymore, that I used to be the nicest person. All of those words sting, and I'm trying so hard to be responsible of my actions and keep myself straight in my improvement, but I always lean into self pity and then negative self-talk and it's a constant cycle. My friends got tired of that and I parted ways with them so I can be better, I really want to become a better person. But how?

My parents ridiculed me over every little thing, my friends bullied me for "acting autistic" and I am always the butt of the joke. I tried practicing a little self compassion, and although I should try doing it more, something I noticed is that I cannot get past the feeling that I do not DESERVE to be self-compassionate. What if the people who were mean to me had a point? What if I am everything that they said about me? It feels like I am not really in control of my thoughts.