Hi everyone!

I am working on my master’s thesis about intersectionality in polyamorous relationships. My research focuses on the stigmatization of polyamory, its impact on relationships and well-being and how intersectional identities shape these experiences.

I am a poly and queer psychology student. Including intersectional perspectives in psychology and research around polyamory is really important to me, and I’d be so grateful if you could participate and share your experiences!

What to expect?

If you consider participating, are in polyamorous relationships and are at least 18 years old, there will be an completely anonymous online survey with open-ended questions. The questions will focus on your personal experiences of stigma regarding your polyamorous relationships and (intersectional) identities.

You can take the survey in English, in German, and also in an audio-version.

It takes about 30 minutes (you decide which and how many questions you want to answer and how long your answers will be!).

If you have questions or concerns, reach out anytime! e.g. at Wolferst@students.uni-marburg.de

Take the survey here: https://www.soscisurvey.de/intersectionalpolyamory/

Via this link, you will also find information on data protection (no personal information will be gathered!), your rights and helpful ressources.

Thank you for your time and the mods for hopefully approving this post.

This study contributes to the master thesis of Vera Wolferstetter and has been approved by the Phillips-Universität Marburg Ethics Committee (Aktenzeichen: 2024-69k). My advisors are Anne Vogel, M.Sc. and Prof. Dr. Melanie Fischer.

Hi Everyone! Our very last PC in NYC will be on Mon, December 9 from 7p-12a. We’re on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. 21+, free. Private.

To RSVP, please send your name, vaxx card (buffed out identifying info ok) to polychrissy@gmail.com and take a rapid antigen test at home before arrival. We will confirm!

Our next event won’t be til February, so join us!

———

For those who have never been, we’re an almost 18-year-old monthly social of over a hundred attendees who are between the ages of 21 and 87 with the majority in their mid-20s-mid 50s. We’re nerdy mutual aid enthusiasts who meet in a non-cruising space in community and solidarity.

There’s a cash bar for reasonably priced boozy and non boozy drinks, and people often bring snacks to share.

Background: We are a 3 person family unit. Two of us are having a baby together and are taking parent roles, and the 3rd person in our unit is going to help with caretaking, but definitely doesn't ID as "dad" or "mom". Uncle is a clear option, but are there any cute, creative names y'all have heard for kiddo to use for the "other caregiver"?

Any MFM V who live together? What are your arrangements? What kind of boundaries do you have? How do you guys make it work?

New to this.. please be kind.

Started dating a married couple a couple of months ago. They have a couple kids. They’ve been married for multiple years. How do I start to integrate myself into the family?

My hope is that this all continues to go smooth. I’d love to be a little more a part of the family, just not sure how to bring it up yet. I don’t want to “force” myself in but also want it known that I want to and am willing to be a part of their family.

My (32 f) meta (26 f) and partner (32 m) shared the news that they are pregnant.

Partner and I always had the intention of having our first child together, so while I'm very happy for them, I'm having a very difficult time navigating my sadness around this accidental pregnancy. Meta and partner had an accidental pregnancy earlier this year, which they decided to not follow through with, then immediately became pregnant again (not viable). After they terminated their previous pregnancy, they both separately and together expressed feeling like I should be the one to carry the first child in our family (especially because I'm older and really really don't want to start having children late into my 30s). This time around, they've decided to follow through with the pregnancy.

Has anyone else ever gone through a similar situation? How do you calm the cognitive dissonance of being very happy with your meta being pregnant while also very sad about our plan not being the one to happen (it has been expressed that I would need to wait to have a child with my partner bc meta and baby would be priority for the for the duration of the pregnancy and first year(s) of life).

Partner & I have been in a relationship for nearly 13 years. Meta & partner have been together for 3 years. We don't subscribe to hierarchical polyamory, just sharing this info for more context.

. . .

Update: thanks to all of you who have shared your insights. I really do appreciate the honesty and clarity of your comments, and took them to heart, despite how difficult it was to accept the reality of my situation.

I did my best to communicate my feelings and thoughts with my partner while he was visiting, and spent a great deal of time mourning together. I wrote my meta a letter outlining how my trust was broken, and that I need space (I don't feel I can keep it together witnessing her pregnancy progress).

I'll write a more substantial update when I'm feeling more grounded from this whole situation.

Hello all, I'm a 32 year old college student working on a research project about emotional and sexual intimacy in ENM relationships and monogamous relationships. I'm currently trying to collect data so I made a survey. All info is anonymous since I just need the data. I'll leave the link here if anyone wants to check it out or take it. This is not for profit just plain research. I'd greatly appreciate it.

https://survey.zohopublic.com/zs/hvDHWH

Hi! As always, it’s free, COVID-19 vaccinated only, 21+ with ID, and we ask you to take a rapid antigen test at home before arrival.

For those who have never been, we’re a 17-year-old monthly social of over a hundred attendees who are between the ages of 21 and 87 with the majority in their mid-20s-mid 50s. We’re nerdy mutual aid enthusiasts who meet in a non-cruising space in community and solidarity.

There’s a cash bar for reasonably priced boozy and non boozy drinks, and people often bring snacks to share.

Have a beautiful weekend <3

Warmly, Chrissy

*All names changed for privacy, and using my throwaway account for my own privacy.

This is a longer one. I included a TLDR at the end, but it lacks context. Thanks to all who take the time to read this.

Hey everyone, I could really use some advice. I recently started dating Jasper, and he’s honestly close to everything I’ve been looking for. We share similar values, I’m both emotionally and physically drawn to him, and we laugh at each other’s jokes. He’s thoughtful, hardworking, and wants kids, which is important to me too. We’ve been dating for about 5 months and have had some serious talks about our relationship goals. I was upfront with him that I’m looking for a committed, escalator relationship: I want to live together, have kids in the next 3–4 years (my biological clock feels a bit accelerated due to cycle health). He’s completely on board with all of this, which is rare to find in ENM spaces. But there’s a complication: Hazel, his long-term nesting partner.

We’re all in our late 20s to early 30s, and Jasper and Hazel have been together for about 11 years. That longevity is intimidating to me, especially since my own relationship history hasn’t been easy. I’ve experienced emotional, physical, psychological, and even sexual abuse, which has left me quite cautious. I’ve been in therapy for a long time and have actively worked on healing, and while non-monogamy has been generally positive for me (10 years on and off-most of the abuse happened in mono dynamics), I’m not sure if I can do a relationship anarchy poly dynamic with Jasper and Hazel.

Jasper and Hazel practice RA, and Jasper at a time hinted that she’s his priority, even saying once, “Hazel is my life, and we’ll have babies together.” This isn’t very RA to me, and when I brought it up, he didn’t remember saying it, but it’s stuck with me. Hazel also has a boyfriend, Jett, who she’s been with for 3 years, and Jasper shared that she might have kids with him too. Jett and Jasper even run a serious business together, so Hazel has a solid support system behind her. I’m happy for her because everyone deserves support, but I feel uncertain and weary entering this space with all of them and am unsure of where I fit.

Unfortunately, I’m finding myself feeling resentment toward Hazel, especially since she wants kids with Jasper too. I respect and appreciate their love, and I understand why they may want that together, but coming from a place of scarcity and instability in past relationships, I don’t know if I’d ever be okay sharing something as important as children. Honestly and sadly, I also don’t really like Hazel, I’m desperately trying to, and I definitely don’t hate her! but I just don’t love her energy. She seems to take Jasper for granted, and I don’t enjoy being around her sometimes. She once interrupted a private moment between Jasper and me to argue with him, in front of me while we were laying in his bed, and even crawled onto the bed to do it, which made me uncomfortable. Jasper smoothed it over, but I can tell he often finds her behavior frustrating. She sometimes comes across to me as a “princess” who expects her two partners to cater to her. She’s openly talked about avoiding financial responsibilities, seems to expect Jasper to pay for things, and doesn’t reciprocate his bids for support. This bothers me, while I’ve had to work hard to build my own stability and have always tried to be a considerate partner. I don’t have a ton of context for their relationship besides what I have witnessed though so I’m trying to temper my assumptions of anything.

Jasper has a dream of all his partners and metas living together and raising kids. I think his intentions are good, but I worry I’d only tolerate Hazel for Jasper’s sake, and I believe he’s being a bit naïve. I don’t want to crush his dreams, but from what I know about child development—and just how complicated it can be to live with people, let alone share finances and kids—I have doubts. Personally, I’m ready for a strong, stable relationship, and am being totally crushed by the weight of all the responsibilities as a single person. I WANT to share my life and responsibilities of life with a partner(s). It feels like a cruel joke that Jasper, who’s so close to perfect for me, comes with a partner I don’t mesh with and a condition of RA. I’m usually good with compersion, and I’m flexible and understanding and open minded to new dynamics, but in this case, I’m really struggling. I’ve been emotional about it because I do see a potential future with Jasper—he has all the qualities I seek, and I seem to be that for him too—but Hazel’s relationship with him almost feels like a dealbreaker for me. It’s sucks.

I know this sounds like a monogamous perspective, but I can’t help feeling this way. It’s not just that Hazel wants kids too; it’s that she has two men open to having kids with her and a long-term commitment, while I’ve struggled to find even one stable partner despite being an attractive and kind person(I accept that’s jealousy on my end). It’s also how I see her treat Jasper and her attitude about responsibilities. Jasper mentioned that he’s tried to date others seriously, but they’ve often clashed with Hazel. It’s clear he’s lost meaningful connections because of her, and she seems to be a common issue. I don’t think she’s a bad person, but it’s safe to say Hazel and I are not compatible.

So what do I do here? Should I leave? Part of me thinks I should de-escalate with Jasper, let him live his life with Hazel since they have more history, and explore other relationships without disrupting what they have. I’d love to think she’s amazing and that this could work, but I have doubts. I feel almost guilty for not being able to embrace RA and KTP fully, and I’m very sad about potentially losing Jasper. I have no desire to hurt his relationship with Hazel either, that’s a big part of this for me too. Seems easier to just remove myself from the whole equation. I guess I just need a primary partner to build a stable foundation with before exploring other dynamics. I’m scared I won’t find that person though. I thought maybe I finally had, but I’m starting to worry that something like this will always be in the way. That I will have to tolerate metas I dislike, or that monogamy might be my only path to a family.

Any insights would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, y’all.

TLDR: I’ve been dating Jasper for 5 months, and he’s everything I’ve been looking for: similar values, goals, and we both want kids. He’s in a long-term poly RA dynamic with Hazel, his partner of 11 years, and Hazel has another partner of 3 years. Jasper has expressed interest in possibly having children with me in the future, but Hazel also wants kids with him and with her other partner. While I’m non-monogamous, I feel uncomfortable with Hazel, who seems to take Jasper for granted and doesn’t feel compatible with me overall. This doesn’t sit well with me given my past experiences and need for stability, especially around possibly all living together and potentially raising children. Jasper dreams of all his partners and metas together and raising kids, but I’m unsure I could handle that dynamic. I think I might need a primary partner before exploring RA, and I’m sad and conflicted because Jasper is otherwise an ideal match. I have no intention to hurt or damage his relationship with Hazel. Should I step back from this relationship? How can I move forward compassionately to everyone involved?

I'm 24(M), My fiance 26(F) and recently we met a wonderful young lady 23(F). It's a long distance relationship which is something I've had in the past so it's not new to me. But for my fiance... She's never been apart of one. Neither of us have been in a Throuple and we are all extremely confused on how to do this. Talking is a major point we all have discussed yet we all struggle with talking about problems. We both really like this girl and we've been official for around 2 weeks now but the cracks are starting to show. My fiance says she feels like she rushed in and I asked her if she felt forced cause of me. She insists I didn't but I have a problem when I take the blame for everything and right now I genuinely feel like this is my fault. She keeps saying I didn't force her. She also says that she's doesn't have the time and is stressed but she doesn't want it to end. Both me and our gf are really confused and now our gf is upset and scared and she doesn't know and is now blaming herself.

I'm trying this while trying to avoid breaking down and having a panic attack. I get attached easily. Im trying to understand what's going wrong if something is going wrong I just need advice and tips on how I can help them or what to do to fix the situation.

Edit: Thank you for the wonderful advice. Here's a bit of an update. Yes we are all still together. Things got a lot smoother after we all talked. The biggest issue was She was scared that 1.) She wasn't going to be good enough for our partner 2.) She was stressing about work and that was bringing her down 3.) The future if we all move in together how do we explain this to our son 4.) Would I still love her if she couldn't keep up with mind and our gf hypersexual needs.

They talked. It's not my business to know but our gf gave me a bit of reassurance and we got her to listen and calm down. Right now the only problem we are facing is one that's just out of control and the circumstances can't be help. My Fiance is very physical. From showing affection to how horny she feels. And she's desperately wants to ERP with our gf but it's just going to take time.

So yea I am so grateful to everyone who was kind enough to comment and give me advice.

I am currently pregnant with my families first child (M,F,F). My boyfriend and girlfriend are married to each other and I am single. We have been together since 2017 and have a fantastic relationship. The three of us are so excited.

Does anyone have advice on making a will? My goal is to create a will that would protect my girlfriend's rights to our child if something was to happen to the father and I (the biological parents). We live in AZ. Any advice on what else should be added to the will to protect our child?

Guessing minivans are the go-to?

Man they're expensive, even used.

Also: 3 adults is hard with 1 adult always being in the back in some way :(

I am sharing as a Public Service Announcement this post that I wrote because there should be more education out there about what are the limits of the validity of the negotiation of consent in and out of committed intimate relationships that are totally closed.

Love in any type of connection does not hurt anyone, does not matter at all whether the connection is open or closed, monoamorous or polyamorous, sexual or emotional, romantic or platonic, hetero or gay, cis or trans, hierarchical or anarchist.

What really does hurt is loving the wrong INDIVIDUALS, while there are interested individuals better compatible for any and every sort of thing out there in the world, including any and every sort of rare and complex need, want and desire that someone can value.

FAIRNESS IS EQUITY instead of equality, but love without informed AND genuine consent is a violation instead of love.

Gender variant, gay, polyamorous, aromantic, and asexual people can be united together as worthy of the constant free love fights for basic rights because they are socioculturally discriminated CONSENSUAL love minorities in ways more similar than what you may think.

You should not forget that you should always have the valid freedom of expression right to request as many answers to all sorts of questions that may appear invasive to as many indviduals you may feel is necessary for you to feel secure enough in order for you to give to anything consent that really is informed, as long as you make an effort to be respectful, but no one is necessarily obligated to reply to any of your questions.

Many people are not aware that only a first clear "yes" with enthusiasm is the only genuine consent to anything, and, therefore, is the only one that is not questionable enough to get anyone in legal trouble.

If you are about to go try something that you are not with enthusiasm to try, you are very likely not going to enjoy what you are about to experiment, even if you have an open mind to new experiences.

You should also not forget that consent to anything is not really genuine if results from constant begging, peer pressuring, outcasting, withdrawing, guilt tripping, shaming, blackmailing, threatening or any other type of manipulation not listed, and, therefore, is sexual coercion, also known as sexual abuse.

No consent should be unlimited to anything, because consent can not possibly be given genuinely to anything if you are obligated to keep consenting anyhow, so everyone should always have the valid right to freely stop consenting to anything at any moment, in the sense that consent is constantly being given at every new moment each of all of us shares an experience together with someone.

Only when is granted the freedom to be spending time anyhow anywhere else with anyone else at any time can anyone consent to love someone genuinely instead of out of obligation due to commitment to restrictive and limiting promises.

I really hope that sharing this helps at least someone out there.

Recruiting Consensually/Ethically Non-Monogamous LGBTQ+ research participants:

Are you… • Age 18 or older? • Identify as LGBTQ+? • Live in the U.S.? • In at least one polyamorous, open, or swinging (i.e., consensually/ethically non-monogamous) relationship? • Interested in discussing issues and satisfaction in consensual/ethical non-monogamy? • Able to attend an online focus group for 1.5 hours?

If this sounds like you, then a team of LGBTQ+ researchers at Palo Alto University is interested in hearing from you!

Take this brief survey to see if you are eligible to participate.

https://paloaltou.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6KemfwABcJDsFX8

Please contact the ACReS Project at acres@paloaltou.edu for more information

I (25 f) was in a cult growing up, and always had a crush on the pastor's kid. Nevaeh (24 mtf) came out to me as trans a couple months ago.

After that we did a lot of catching up and I found out she was in a red state that banned gender affirming care, lived with her fundamentalist family, and had a partner-- Pixie (20 mtf).

In a month me and my nesting partner Dick (29 M) made a plan for her to uhaul from the east coast to the west coast. Nevaeh says she's been with Pixie since January, lost her virginity to her, and can't leave her. They both have ASD.

I messaged Pixie to ease her worries about moving here, and from the start she was aggressively sexual towards me. I thought: fuck it, if it makes her more comfortable to move here, it's just sexting.

Through messaging Pixie I really liked her and could feel for her. She had a lot of trauma-- we both do--, was really insecure, and not that stable-- but how could you be in that environment? I really wanted to make her feel safe.

After the plans were set-- thats when the drama started. Pixie tries to fuck Nevaeh's cousin in front of her, making Nevaeh really uncomfortable. Pixie says she wants to live with Martha (their mutual partner) and Nevaeh's cousin in Colorado. Then Martha breaks up with Pixie and verbally abuses her. Pixie pressures me to buy her a car in another state-- that fails miserably.

I fix their resumes and set them up with job interviews for the first week they get here.

Then the two of them fly out here. Things get sexual the first day. Something that Pixie keeps doing is touching my genitals and my chest whenever she wants, randomly. This triggers me badly, but I mask up because I want to please her. After all that I notice her teeth are black and rotting, her breath smells, her gentials smell bad even after a shower.

We have sex, and the first thing she says is, "that was mid."

When I get sexual with Nevaeh, Pixie is always interupting the scene-- barging into the room and trying to talk to us.

Pixie constantly shits on everyone, shits on everything I like, is always complaining about the new state-- after awhile it really got to me. I asked if she wanted to go to therapy, and she vowed she'd never go again. This really eats at me because I'm convinced if people don't seek help for trauma, they are just going to continue it.

After the first week Pixie was obsessed with wanting to buy a bb gun to shoot fish and other invasive animals. My PTSD brain just kind of put the unwanted touching and then the torturing of animals into a category: Pixie was NOT safe anymore.

The whole household came outside. Pixie bought the BB guns, and started shooting lead into our yard-- which is a couple of feet from a protected woodland. Then she started talking about buying guns-- and I had a terrible flashback of when someone pointed a gun at my face at 11.

I started screaming, "NO GUNS, NO GUNS, NO GUNS." Over and over and over. After that we stayed away from each other for a couple of days. And I'm fine with guns, I'm very pro-gun. I'm an anarchist who thinks we need to be wary of the government. But my body just felt super unsafe and terrified of her having guns in the house.

We have 3 cats together, mine and Dick's 2 cats and their cat Max. Well one or two weeks later and my cat Taki is obsessed with Pixie's draw-strings on her favorite pjs. For a week I keep seeing Taki try to bat at the strings and it made me smile. One day, Taki tries to grab them and he accidentally clawed Pixie's thigh.

She then kicks Taki hard away from her.

I scream, "CAN YOU NOT DO THAT NEXT TIME, AND JUST TAKE A STEP BACK!"

Pixie wasn't even apologetic. She just says, "What am I supposed to do when he hurts me?"

And I scream, "NEXT TIME, I'M GOING TO BE VIOLENT." And I left and slammed the door. I then started getting really paranoid. How can I trust she won't kick my cat again? So I go to her room, take her pjs, and cut off the draw strings.

A couple weeks later, and I'm trying to get along. I buy Pixie a car with everything she needs for it. I have a terrible pain attack, and the whole time she's flirting with me through it and touches my boobs.

A day later Pixie has a girl over. She says she's gonna quit her job (that she just got), work with her, break up with Nevaeh (but still live here), and be Mono with this new girl. I was pissed.

The next day I'm going on a date with Nevaeh, im taking her to my favorite fancy restaurant, we both look cute and 10 minutes into the drive Nevaeh goes quiet and starts silently crying. I finish the drive and park near by, but she has completely gone nonverbal. I ask her a bunch of questions but all I can get out of her is that it's about Pixie. This really freaks me out.

I drive to go pick up Dick, and after that my brain can't take it anymore: I switch personalities (something I only do when I'm stressed). *My brother only went nonverbal when my stepdad SA'd him.

We go get drive through, go home, sleep it off.

Then next day I'm still extremely stressed. I think Nevaeh went nonverbal because of the break up. And Pixie brings her new Gf over, and kicks Nevaeh out of the room. I AM FUMING. I turn my music as loud as I can, and tell Dick I do not feel like a safe person at the moment. I scream, I do breathing exercises, I try to punch a pillow, but nothing is working. I'M SOO STRESSED.

Dick says Nevaeh and him want to go out. I put myself together, I get dressed, and by the time I'm out Nevaeh has gone nonverbal again. I lose it. I switch into 5 different personalities infront of them both-- which I've never done before.

"We" say that I don't wanna be around Pixie anymore and that I basically wanna do parallel poly as much as possible.

It's been a month and I still haven't been paid back for the car, I haven't talked to Nevaeh (she hasn't talked to me), and everyone says I'm the bad guy. That I'm making Pixie's life Hell-- even though my mental health has literally gone down the gutter.

I don't know what to do or how to navigate this-- Help.

edited due to how judgemental, self-righteous, and virtue-signaling SOME of the comments were (on r/polyfamilies anyway. r/polyamory was a little bit more empathetic.)

does anyone ever wonder why, as soon as a new "movement" tries to break away from traditional labels, many of the loudest voices want to lock down new labels for their particular movement, getting stuck in pedantry and semantics?

Hello Everyone! Dropping by to let you all know that we’re on for October’s NYC Poly Cocktails.

As always, it’s free, COVID-19 vaccinated only, 21+ with ID, and we ask you to take a rapid antigen test at home before arrival.

For those who have never been, we’re a 17-year-old monthly social of over a hundred attendees who are between the ages of 21 and 87 with the majority in their mid-20s-mid 50s. We’re nerdy mutual aid enthusiasts who meet in a non-cruising space in community and solidarity.

It’s a free event with a cash bar if drinks are your jam (though many don’t drink alcohol and some eat together beforehand), and a rooftop full of warm and dorky community. Open sky if the weather obliges.

You can email me at polychrissy@gmail.com for an email invite, or share an email with me in DM that works for you.

Reach out with any questions and have a beautiful week!

Warmly, Chrissy

Hi folks,

Thanksf for your replies. Your time spent writing and sharing is much appreciated. Although our relationship has since ended, the info you've shared may be valuable to future use. Thanks again. 🙏🙏

I'm hoping some of you might like to share your experiences regarding the division of household costs, including rent, if the partner you live with has kids who spend 50% of their time at your place.

For context, my partner and I live together. My price of admission was 3 kids, and his was 2 Chihuahuas. Rent has always been 50/50, but I pay for gas and electricity, and Disney. He pays for water, internet, Netflix, and the family YouTube account. All groceries are 50/50.

How are your costs calculated and divided? Do you feel your arrangement is equitable? How did you negotiate the arrangement? What sort of resistance was encountered, if any?

I pulled together a "Truth or Dare" sex game for Non-Monogamous Couples. Truths & Dares go from vanilla to hardcore bdsm.

I thought some other redditors might like it, so here it is.

Truth/Dares are in random order, so skipping around is fine!

For more explicit Truth or Dares, please check out the app I made https://apps.apple.com/us/app/truth-or-dare-app-for-couples/id6474484893

Some Examples:

Here are some truth and dare questions tailored for ethically non-monogamous (ENM) couples:

Truths:

1. What excites you most about our ENM dynamic?
2. Have you ever felt jealous in our ENM relationship, and how did you handle it?
3. What is one boundary in our relationship that is important for you to maintain?
4. What’s the most empowering part of being in an open relationship for you?
5. How do you feel after we each have separate experiences—do you want more connection afterward or space?
6. Have you ever had a fantasy about introducing new dynamics or play in our relationship?
7. What is the most fulfilling aspect of our non-monogamous adventures?
8. If you could change one thing about our ENM relationship, what would it be?
9. What kind of experience are you most curious to explore together in the future?
10. How do you feel about discussing your other experiences with me, and is there anything you’d want to share more openly?

Dares:

1. Share your wildest ENM fantasy involving us that you haven’t mentioned before.
2. Plan a date where we both explore something new or adventurous together, and the other person has to follow along.
3. Describe, in detail, what turns you on most about our open relationship dynamic.
4. Give me a passionate kiss and describe what’s on your mind during the kiss.
5. Pick an item from the room and use it creatively to tease me in a way we haven’t done before.
6. Let’s set aside 10 minutes where you have complete control over me—do whatever you’d like.
7. For the next 15 minutes, you have to be completely open about your desires and what you want me to do to you.
8. Share the most intimate or vulnerable feeling you’ve had in our relationship.
9. Play a sensory game where one person is blindfolded, and the other teases them, gradually intensifying the sensation.
10. Describe how you want our next adventurous experience to be and what you’d want me to do.

How do ya'll manage shared finances? Do you use one account, keep things separate, or a mix of both? How do you split expenses—proportional to income or evenly? I'm looking for insights and tips on what’s worked and crucially what's not worked.

Hi there, 

We are a research team at Western University, and we are actively recruiting non-monogamous couples for a paid 12-week diary study.  

We understand that although those who identify as non-monogamous have fulfilling and loving relationships, they still face discrimination as society largely assumes monogamy to be the “default setting” in partnerships. It is our hope that through research, a broader understanding of these relationships can help to dispel some of the stigma these relationships may face.  

You are eligible for this study if: 

• You have only one partner you would consider as your main or primary partner 

• You and your main partner are in a consensually non-monogamous relationship 

• You and/or your main partner regularly engage in intimate/sexual activity outside of your relationship 

• Both you and your partner are at least 24 years old 

• Both you and your partner are willing to participate 

After you and your partner each complete an initial 10-minute survey, you will be emailed a 5-minute survey each week for 12 weeks. You will be compensated up to $40 ($80 per couple). Compensation is based on the number of surveys completed.  

Your participation will create meaningful advancements in relationship science, and we thank you for your consideration. We invite you to respond fully and honestly; the goal of this research is to be inclusive, supportive, and free of judgement. 

If you and your partner think you may be eligible and are interested in participating, please email us at: cnmdiary@uwo.ca. For more information about our lab, visit us at www.relationshipdecisions.org. 

I am divorced and my ex is poly and integrating our kids (12 and 8) into meeting people in her new relationships. I’ve met her partner, super nice person. I’m wondering if anyone has been in a similar boat as me.

Any advice on how to navigate these waters? I was pretty unsupportive early on, but have moved past it. I still worry about stigma and what type of impact this will have on the kids.

Hi!

My partner(34F) and I (34F) are in the beginning stages of a coparenting discussion. We are planning on having 2 children and are also planning on buying a house with another couple (38NB,35F) that we are friends with. Our vision is to buy a house together, and coparent our future kids (3 max). We all plan on having couples therapy as well as therapy with the 4 of us and will be discussing the details, how we want to raise our children and how things are split and obviously expectations of our roles as parents and coparents.

I'm wondering if anyone in this subreddit has a similar dynamic, where the kids of the two couples will not have the same biological parents, but we would like to raise them as siblings in a way. If anyone has any advice on the right questions to ask, the things to know and the warnings or advice or anything else helpful to know!

TLDR: a currently monogamous couple, buying a house with a poly couple, and co-parenting kids together(2 or 3)

I made the mistake of posting in a coparenting sub, and was suggested I move the discussion here with people in similar dynamics.

Additional info!
Some background is important to include I think! Read if you want- I understand (we all understand) this isn’t just a random decision or light-hearted one, and a very serious thing to bring children into the world, let alone in a radically different dynamic. 

We have just started chatting about it as a group, and have always been interested in a commune style living, and having a community of people to be around and that’s when we started discussing what it would look like to buy a house together and raise our children together. We aren’t romantic with the other couple, but we will consider them partners as well. (We will take care of each other financially, emotionally, and physically if needed) It is hierarchical with our respective partners and kids. We’re discussing the what-ifs and the serious impacts if a couple breaks-up, if one of us passes away, if one of us gets really sick, if one of us can’t bear children.  The priorities will be with the children.

There’s discussions and alignment on our values with raising children, education, children with disabilities, the amount of space we all require and will need as individuals and family's.

Now the house situation, we’ve had friends that have bought a house together and they’ve given us advice on what to look out for and that is a lot to think through as well! Obviously, there are some legal things that we will have to go through in the event of separation and life events, or monetary things. We all have the financial ability to get a bigger house, the house will be enough rooms for adults to sleep in together and separately as well as separate rooms for the kids. 

We plan on having this all figured out before even starting to bring kids into the mixture. Or buying a house. My partner and I will have to do IVF or IUF so there is a lot of family planning in general. Our timeline is within the next 4 years for kids, and next 1-2 years for living together.