Where can I meet ENM women in Baltimore?

I've never dated a married woman before but she told me up front on our first date that her and her husband got bored and agreed to sleeping with other people. So obviously from my perspective this can only be a purely sexual thing because obviously we aren't going to end up in a relationship because she's married. I've never slept with someone just for fun though and only ever with people I was in a relationship with. So my question is how quickly should I escalate things because if it is just about sex then I really don't see the point in wasting a lot of time getting to know each other and going on a bunch of dates like I'd normally do. To me it seems like it would be best to just cut to the chase and hook up pretty early. I don't want to catch any feeling or anything. I'm not expecting to sleep with her on the second date but I would be open to it if it happened organically. Or should I just tell her all of this and that I'd like to sleep with her if she wanted to. She's seems excited about the date but since I've spent so little time with her it's hard to guage how interested she is in me. She been making all the plans and seems super excited. Should I try to kiss her? I just really don't know because I've never done thism

Two days ago I was a sobbing mess because I couldn't masturbate without being crushed by guilt. This is because I'm married to an asexual woman, and want to have sex with men.

Yesterday I did the not-advised thing, took an edible to shut off my brain, and went back to my old habits (masturbating for strangers.)

I'm not proud of it. I wish I didn't need it. I definitely still feel guilty thinking about my choice to do it.

But oh my god. I feel so much better. I'm relaxed and floaty, I woke up on time and I've been doing my favorite things while being productive.

And, importantly, I have NO desire to have a man around me, much less sex right now. The idea is laughable.

It occurred to me that when I want to have sex with men, it is in a very specific context of particular kink & BDSM activities.

I've realized once again that I DO NOT WANT polyamory...I just want kinky sex with horny men once in a while.

Original: Partner seeing their first secondary is triggering insecurities I didn't know I had. : r/nonmonogamy

In short, I (34m) came to accept the new guy and got used to it. I even accepted it even when they (33NB) brought in yet another other casual partner. But they still ended things with me anyway.

The signs it was coming were obvious. Over the past couple months, They became somewhat less affectionate and more critical. They became uncomfortable with too-intense displays of affection. Our calls got shorter. It became pretty glaring when they said they wanted to scale our visits back from once a week to every other week, which struck me as pretty infrequent to see a partner. At that point, taking for granted that they wouldn't change their mind, it was clear that I wouldn't get the emotional fulfilment I needed from them anyway unless I worked towards nesting - which I didn't really want to do, as they live in a smaller city a couple hours away that I wouldn't want to move to. I just couldn't tell the cause.

Until I got "the text" Tuesday. They said that they'd never intended to get into a relationship in the first place, our connection just led to one that they weren't prepared for. They have trauma due to a failed marriage, other abandonments, and a bad childhood, so relationships are extremely hard for them and they'd been having panic attacks over it. They weren't able to handle the intensity or responsibility for someone else in that way.

I said I wasn't willing to scale back to a situationship or a "let's not put a label on it," so they responded that they respected me enough not to string me along emotionally and make it a definite breakup. We called and discussed it, and they told me they love me just as much as ever, will probably always love me, and I did nothing wrong.

...And it's fine.

It was the most mature, respectful, and amicable breakup I've ever had, and I felt relief, even. Surprising me, I haven't cried about it at all. In hindsight, they show the signs of an avoidant attachment style, even if they're aware of their problems and in therapy about it - which is what gave them the confidence to end it - and I've dealt with that enough to have no interest in trying to wring blood out of a stone. We're not a good fit for the kind of serious LTR I'm looking for, and I expressed that.

It's no one's fault, and we agreed to be friends, which is ideal. Which we'd said we'd do early on if we ever broke up anyway. I don't even feel the need to go hard NC, although they said they want some more space for now so they'll feel comfortable reaching out later, which I agree is for the best.

...Although, just later that day, there was a minor disaster on the other side of the city where I live, and they were the only person besides my immediate family to reach out to see if I'm OK. (Despite the odds I was affected being infinitesimally small.) So I feel there's still mutual interest in communication.

And since the relationship was only 4 months, I intend to move on without wallowing. I'll take the time I need to process things etc., but I've started taking a look at what's out there again, even if not dating anyone.

But what I'm dealing with now is the uncertainty of everything.

Despite a casual relationship a hard no in my current situation, if I were to find a primary - one thing I've learned from this is that I am hierarchal - I'd be fine taking them back on as a secondary or comet. Just because they can't give me what I wanted doesn't mean I never want to feel their touch or kiss again. I'm considering floating that proposal after we take space - although if the answer's no and they want to stay platonic, I can also live with that. I'm pretty resilient and I think I can deal with most outcomes except them having no presence in my life at all.

Although after this on top of my previous experiences, I have begun to wonder if despite still believing ENM is a good idea in theory, the only way to find someone interested in meeting all my needs would be to date monogamously. Except a mono person would probably not be OK with me talking to them at all, even platonically, and I have no interest in that lack of trust and restriction anyway. My main problem with monogamy is that I find the absolutist norms of it really off-putting.

But for my own part, I'll admit that I'm trying to cling to some connection to avoid the hopelessness of having nothing. I was already going through a really rough time before this (friend attempted suicide, job has me working a ton of OT, money problems), and between this, the upcoming economic/societal crash wrecking my other plans, I feel like everything I had to look forward to has been taken away at once, and the idea of having no foreseeable future with anyone or anything might actually make me shut down.

Bad mindset, I know, but figured it's better to be honest. At least since the last post, I've found a good therapist.

(Throwaway account for obvious reasons. I need real advice.)

I (M, late 20s) recently found out something that shattered my trust and left me questioning if this relationship can survive.

Her Past Relationship & Sharing Dynamics

Before we got together, my girlfriend (F, late 20s) was in a long-term, controlling relationship.

Her ex had a say in who she could date, and she complied.

She had a habit of sharing everything with him—texts, thoughts, sex details, and even intimate photos (hers and, in some cases, past partners’).

Every relationship she had wasn’t fully private—he was always in the background, knowing everything.

This didn’t stop when she met me.

She was still with him when we started talking, and during that time, she began sharing details about me just like she had with others before.

She broke up with him before we officially got together, and I thought that was the end of it.

How I Found Out

One night while we were getting intimate, a message from him popped up. I glanced at it.

What I saw broke me.

She was describing our sex in detail.

She compared me to past partners.

She said it wasn’t good.

Scrolling up, I realized she had been giving him updates about us for months.

She had told him about our conversations before we got together, about our intimacy, and even how she felt about our sex life.

This wasn’t just a betrayal of trust—I had unknowingly been pulled into a system I never agreed to.

Her Current Relationship with Him

Even though they broke up, he’s still in her life.

She continues to give him contracts and financial support.

He has a place to stay connected to her whenever he visits.

They talk almost daily, though she says it’s “just about work.”

She had said their work connection would end months ago, but the timeline keeps extending.

She insists that it’s over emotionally, that she has stopped sharing details, and that once their work ties end, he will be completely out of her life.

But I don’t know if I can believe that.

How It’s Affecting Me

Ever since that moment, something in me has shut down.

I can’t fully relax during intimacy.

My sex drive has dropped significantly.

I finish too quickly, something I’ve never struggled with before.

I feel like I was rated, compared, and observed.

I question whether she would have stopped sharing if I hadn’t found out.

She tells me she loves me and wants to rebuild my trust. But can trust like this ever be fixed?

My Dilemma

1. Can a relationship survive when privacy was broken in such an intimate way?

2. How do I rebuild my confidence knowing I was compared and judged?

3. Can I trust that she has truly stopped, or am I ignoring signs that this will never change?

4. Would you stay and work through it, or is this a sign I should leave?

I really need honest advice from people who have dealt with broken trust, control dynamics, and complicated ex-relationships.

Im a married 34F, my husband and I have always talked on and off about opening up our relationship and it felt like something we were both excited to explore.

only sharing this for context please no comments on this part: A year ago he had an affair (our relationship was not open at this point) and since then he has agreed to me having my own experiences with new people. And he has found it a big turn on too. So our relationship is currently open on one side—being mine.

My issue is that whenever I meet a new guy and start seeing them, I immediately get jealous that they are probably seeing other women besides me. If he can’t hangout or something I immediately get peeved that he’s probably out on a date with someone else. I don’t know why this bothers me so much or even why it comes up. I barely know these men, and IM MARRIED. Like I’m clearly seeing someone else…so why does it bug me if they are??

I’ve never been non-monogamous and even though I find it fun and thrilling I hate that I keep feeling this way.

Advice or help?!

Edit: I intentionally chose to post this in /nonmonogamy because I am NOT polyamorous and our relationship structure has been monogamous and open, but never polyamorous. Please keep that in mind.

Edit 2: I believe I used the wrong language. I asked my husband to close our relationship entirely, but because this is his only additional partner, it effectively does mean it’s an ask to deescalate a relationship, as well as not start new ones. I am closing my side as well. I am at this point choosing to stay married and authentically work on myself and on our marriage without him closing his side. That is all I can control. I have accepted his answer that no, he will not close at this time.

My husband has stated he is unwilling to deescalate a very new relationship (two months) at my request, so that I can focus on trauma work (I have learned I have some additional trauma work to do, based on the way this relationship has bern triggering to me. I have a lot of skills to develop, as well as feelings and beliefs to explore. I have an extensive trauma history and have been in therapy for almost twenty years. Currently, I am actively in individual therapy where I am working on crisis survival skills, and distress tolerance, creating secure attachments despite my anxious attachment tendencies, and parenting skills).

A little more context: we’ve been actively working on opening our 16-year relationship (11 of them married) for almost three years. The first year was ONLY talking. I initiated the conversation due to a kink I wanted to explore and he was willing to explore (him sleeping with others). We have gone extremely slowly and done a ton of work together, communicating and compromising. He has connected with, gone on dates with, kissed and performed sexual acts with several other women over the last six months (he needs an emotional connection to have sex with someone, so one compromise was the dating. I wasn’t initially fond of that, but have come to feel very secure in that decision we made). In the past two months, I have also started to open on my side, but I am more interested in casual sex, not dating. I have met two potential partners but have no had sex with them yet.

Two months ago, he asked to escalate with one particular person and I agreed to attempt it (after initially thinking poly would always be off the table. I truly wanted to try for him out of support for him, because he stated it wa a important to him and he did not find a friends with benefits structure to be sustainable for them). We agreed at the time that I could determine that this poly structure wasn’t right for me and he would end the relationship. This is what happened; this week, I asked him to deescalate back to friends with her while we work on our relationship and I work on the trauma responses I’ve been experiencing. He stated he has changed his mind and he is unwilling to deescalate this relationship. Which is fair, people change their minds. I changed mine and he changed his.

But I feel stuck. I have agreed to try to work through everything WITHOUT his ending the relationship for as long as I can. And while I am agreeing to try right now, and I will genuinely try to the best of my ability, I believe there is a very real possibility that I will not be compatible with this and I will therefore choose to leave if he keeps this relationship (any relationship, not just this one). He is free to make his own decisions, and I am free to do the same, right? But this means there is a chance, maybe even a likelihood in my opinion, that I end up determining that I truly cannot be with a partner who is actively polyamorous, that it is incompatible with my own values. And that would mean I will choose to divorce if he is unwilling to be in a less-than-poly-nonmonogamous relationship. And that is what he is risking by choosing to stay with this partner in the structure they are in (or any partner). I don’t know that he understands this risk because has stated that he believes this is an ultimatum and inherently controlling of me.

We both are in individual therapy. We are going to start couples therapy.

I’m just looking for feedback, support, comfort, anything.

Hey all ..50yo M here. Married, with 2 kids. Love my wife and she loves me. She has given me the freedom to have intimate relations outside of our marriage because we have different levels of libido. We truly are in a solid marriage. I am deeply grateful. With this freedom, what do I do now? How do I communicate my situation? I would imagine this would scream red flags to women on dating sites? No idea how to proceed in a respectful and honest way. Any advice please?

I'm trying make my nesting partner (NP) feel as comfortable as possible right now while I'm trying to date someone new. I've only ever had hook-ups and FWB's since meeting him, while he's had full on romantic partners lasting for months since we've started dating. I have no qualms with that - truthfully I never thought I was polyamorous, only ENM. But, ever since meeting my secondary partner (SP) my eyes and heart have been open fully to it.

The problem is, my NP is having a difficult time with this new exploration of mine. He describes it this way: one partner's time (NP) is being taken from, while the other partner (SP) is being added to. I understand and validate his feelings. It used to be just him and I for months at a time, and now I spend 1-2 days a week with my SP. While I think 1-2 days is reasonable for fostering a new relationship, I understand my NP's feelings.

I try to check-in with NP frequently. When we have SP over at our place, I make sure to talk boundaries with both of them separately and follow them to a T. It always happens that I break NP's boundaries somehow even though I took many steps not to. Such as: the other day when SP was hanging out at ours, I checked with NP that it was okay that I walk SP to his car and that I might not be back for an hour or so. NP said he was okay with it, but he ended up freaking out that I was gone and called a mutual friend who called SP to see that I was okay. It was super embarrassing for me... when I got back home, he crashed out saying I shouldn't be out so late even though I checked with him first.

Another instance is when I went to stay with SP for a night on the weekend. Did my part checking in with NP and scheduling quality time with him afterwards to make sure he felt wanted and validated. He was very okay with me leaving him for the night, but when I came home the next day, he had more issues to air about how fast my relationship with SP was moving and how he felt uncomfortable with it. I heard him and validated him but also tried to explain that what I was doing was within our agreements. Nights are okay, hanging out at ours is okay, etc. It feels like I can never do anything right.

I'm at the point where sometimes I don't want to mention things to do with my SP to NP because I'm afraid he'll get jealous, even though he tells me he wants transparency and can handle his jealousy. While he does well at managing himself most times, I feel like I'm struggling to manage his emotions. Being a hinge is difficult and its my first time doing so. I feel as though I'm doing an okay job, but no one ever checks on me to see how I'm doing. I know NP would never veto me (he likes SP, apparently), but sometimes it feels like he wants me to say that he can just so he feels better. I can't say that though because that's not what our relationship is about. We could never do that to each other, yet I feel like it might come to that.

Does anyone have any advice?

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/comments/1hwy2gy/first_time_having_a_meta_that_i_dont_like_advice/

Original post got some traction so I thought I would give you all an update. A bit has happened. I don't know if I handled it the best so I am open to criticism.

I took the advice of asking my girlfriend not to vent to me anymore and go to a friend if she continues to have problems with meta to speak to a friend. While GF admitted that she feels like I'm a better listener than a lot of her friends, she respected my boundary.

I did get weather updates, the biggest one being that he went to therapy, was told that he was the problem and actually changed for the better.

That lasted maybe a week. They ended up getting into a fight over something small that meta just blew out of proportion. It got to the point where they were going to break up, so I tried to be supportive because I felt this went beyond just complaining about a partner. By the end of the day GF and meta decided that they wanted to try to work things out.

I figured that was their business, but I told my GF if she ever told me anything negative about him I was going to remind her of today, that she almost broke up with him and decided to stay. I reminded her about my barrier of going full parallel for the time being. I don't know if that was the right thing to do, but if she was going to stay in a relationship that is perceived as unhealthy and she wants to involve me then I would call her out on it.

The next day they got into two fights, both times when I found out I reminded her of everything I said yesterday both times. They broke up that night.

After having a long conversation recently they decided to remain friends under the condition that he continues to go to therapy, he brought up the possibility of them dating again later down the line, but she had reservations about that. While I have concerns (that I've voiced to her), I'm not going to tell her who she can and can't be friends with.

Hi people of this beautiful life, sorry for the long text

We are a couple from Saudi married way early in life 24-25 years old. Did our master degree in US. husband used to enjoy the swinging lifestyle when he was undergrad and studying abroad, introduced me to non monogamy lifestyle, due to our culture I thought the guy think of polygamy from early days and refused it. I wasn’t fully understanding the dynamic of polyamorous and thought he only meant it for him or we had an issue of different thoughts. Years go by and trust was built up and oh boy I was wrong , this man was really supporting non monogamy for both of us. He was supporting in giving me the pleasure of exploring my sexuality but with our fully awareness of each others.

We started communicating more and deciding the key is swinging/hotwife/open marriage. Through out the years we had multiple experiences with single males/females and couples. It wasn’t like a lot but we shared a lot of fun times. We mature to different perspective that we prefer to build emotional connections and not only sexual fun experiences.

Issue is we don’t see so many people who understand this type of connection in our area mostly are into partying and sex. We had our shared emotional connection with one guy but he was very dominant and abusive and tried to break us up with no plan to continue a relationship with me. Just he felt jealous. Then once we reach 30 years old we met a couple who are from US who are in their late 50s it was very emotional and fulfilling lovely experience we met twice in Europe. It wasn’t all sexual it was fun loving and caring to all of us. We stopped or kind of respectfully ended it because we had our first child then tried to get back together but they were not in the same energy and apologized to us.

Issue is We are 36-35 years old as of now with one toddler and started 2025 with plans to get pregnant either this year or next year for the second child. You know how it is with pregnancy and std risk. we agreed to stop the lifestyle open marriage, ountil I get pregnant and deliver the baby. Focus in the first years in the new baby and our toddler. So mostly we will get back to the open marriage in our early to mid 40s is this normal age to get back ? Or not.

What are your thoughts , this is a subject that I can’t talk about with my close gal friends and he can’t talk about it with his close friends

Thanks

Pretty much the title. If you’re in an open relationship, how did you or your partner first approach it? How did you ask for it and how did it go? Also curious if there was a particular event or change that occurred that made you or your SO realize you wanted to open the relationship.

How to convince her it's what I want

While drinking wifey called a girlfriend in my presence and told her she's going to visit girlfriend and girlfriends boyfriend in another state in so many words to hook up with them. It's something they (wifey and girlfriend) have played around with in conversation for awhile. Wifey and I have fantasized about it. She told me how girlfriend wants to eat her pussy and how she wants to fuck girlfriends boyfriend's big dick. I've told her I'm good with it but I don't think she believes me. What can I say to let her know this is really what I want?
No we've never gotten her fucked by another guy but we've fantasized about it for awhile. I'm willing to take the leap and if we don't like it afterwards, I'll still love her and we'll be ok. I'm not going to regret it or hold it against her. We have played in the past with girlfriend and we were and are ok about it.
I think the circumstances and situation is right safety wise and we should go for it at least once. Girlfriend has texted asking when it's going to happen so arrangements can be made. I'm thinking she's gonna chicken out.

Has an agreement or rule in your relationship been violated? and you have been the hurt partner? Did you forgive them? If so, how did you move on? If not, what were the driving factors for you?

Hi all, I am new to this subreddit, and this account is more of a burner account I use to vent occasionally if anyone is concerned about the lack of account activity.

I'm writing this post to get people's honest opinions on my life situation and whether or not I'm insane for tolerating it, I should make a change, or if i'm the asshole in the equation.

Apologies for the length, and the incoherence I'm mostly just pouring my heart out and venting.

I [M, Bisexual, Mid/Late 30's] have been with my wife [F, (who I'll call Anna) Bisexual, late 30s] for about 16 years, and married for about 13 at the time of writing. A year after our child was born mid-COVID, we met another similarly minded couple following some brief hookups and attempts at dating others as a couple to explore our sexuality. We married young, were inexperienced and both recently out of the closet after we both figured out we were Bi, and wanted to explore that together.

The couple (I'll call David and Marissa for the sake of this post both Mid 30's) were our speed, but a bit more experienced in non-monogamy than us. Both queer, both young parents, and nerdy-like us, so hanging out with them was a blast. Initially, we would hook up as a group after meeting for dinner and hanging out, and it very much started as a four-way relationship, but along the way, things started to fracture and escalate into individual relationships quickly as the NRE feelings kicked in.

Marissa and Dave wanted to spend as much time with us as humanly possible - either separately or both together us: it later became apparent that they were going through chronic marital problems, and unfortunately opening up was an attempt to fix that. I had sensed something wasn't right: but I was mostly concerned at the speed at which things were developing: after two months, we had coupled off, Me with Marissa, Anna with Dave, and Dave and I occasionally meeting each other solo.

I had initially envisioned a more casual relationship, meeting once a week or every two weeks, and taking it easy. But My wife was deep in NRE with both of them, Marissa was very into me and my wife, and Dave, having giant sexual and romantic appetites was dialed up to 10 on us all 24/7.

All this activity was fine (and fun) but my problem was that their presence was always felt if they weren't there, we were meeting at least once a week along with gaming sessions on discord, but at its height we were meeting as a group or coupled off three times a week, and on the off days there were consistent periods of constant contact via Discord, SMS, messenger, WhatsApp, it was too much...especially trying to balance life with work, exercise, parenting and any hobbies or personal obligations.

At a later point, things shifted to where we did not have any group meet-ups anymore and we have more ore less exclusively coupled off with each other and aside from the odd threesome or time Dave and I would play, we were swinging/wife swapping for lack of a better word. After a couiple of months things slowed a little and my mental bandwidth was beginning to become less taxed: but the relationship as a whole started to become more complicated. for one, we were swapping twice a week, where one night I would go to see Marissa, and Dave would stay with my wife, and vice versa. Marissa and Dave decided to gift us with wedding style rings - which we had no discussion about prior, I felt super awkward about it, especially when my wife freaked at me when I asked about it.

My wife suffers from PMDD, and possibly ADHD/Rejection Sensitivity Disorder. I was starting to have trouble coping with the changes and the intense escalation these new relationships represented: and any discussion of these feelings led to my wife lashing out at me emotionally (read up on PMDD and RSD you will know what I mean) This led to fights, misunderstandings, and lots of un-resolved feelings of jealousy and insecurity on my part as I felt she was starting to distance herself from me in many ways, like going to Dave for advice on family medical topics or other personal things without even discussing them with me. The emotional volatility on my wifes part made it even more difficult for me to make sure she had a venue to speak about her feelings also so things festered a little between us.

Whats worse about her symptoms is that they are almost lazer focused on Me and everything at home, as she spends all day masking, and unloads and vents when she is home. Its hurtfull because she reigns it in with other partners she's with but not me, and she cannot process that when I bring it up.

Another difficulty was Dave and Marissas marital problems were slowly turning into a game of telephone between my wife and I. You do not want to be inbetween or invested in another couples issues: especially if you cant help them.

The friction eventually led to Marissa and My wife falling out after a heart to heart, and they more or less broke up. Since then my wife won't be around her in person and only hears about her through Dave or I. From Marissas POV she was trying to convince my wife that she needs professional help, and that her mental health and conduct was driving a wedge between herself and I. From my wifes POV Marissa was just telling her what to do, and trying to control everyone. The PMDD problems continued to worsen with my wife untill she decided she wanted to break up with me after some unresolved tension and an argument on vacation which was set off by me asking her to put her phone down for a bit so we could enjoy the trip as a couple rather than ther being whatsapping Dave the whole time: This finally led to her admitting she had a problem and seeing helath professionals for medication and a diagnosis. - Its helping but she has a long, long way to go.

During the two and a bit years we have been with them, Dave and Marissa’s marriage more or less disintegrated though they still live together while they figure out how to co-parent their child (who is autistic) and how to physically seperate. They barely get along at this point since ther focuses are on my wife and I now mutually once they agreed they couldn't make it work together anymore. I personally find it hard to cope with knowing my wife and I may have been a catalyst for this breakup - Though they both asure me this isnt the case: they are simply not compatible: but she realized this after she met me. I wont go super into Dave and Marissas issues here, but he is a very needy person, always needs to be in contact with everyone and make himself useful to the point of intrusion, but ultimatly just wants to make people happy. Marissa is on the tail end of a battle with depression and autoimmune diseases, but is well on the way to recovery. For some reason they just couldnt make it work anymore.

As a result of this Dave and I dont see eachother anymore but are still friends and speak on the phone and game together occasionally. I think id be hearbroken if we stopped speaking, and given the circumstances of how our relationship formed, I think I need that friendship in order to cope with the relationship structure, especially regarding my wife.

I could end the relationship with them, my wife and I have an agreement that we will prioritize our family, close things up or end our relationship with them if one of us needed that. But ethically I don’t think that’s fair to anyone: I'm not entirely comfortable making my wife consent to breaking up with her partner if she doesnt want to. I just wish Her and Marissa could patch things up, because despite everything Dave and I get along really well to the point we have joked about running away to move to san-francisco or Provincetown together lol.

I also really enjoy my time with Marissa, I am in love with her. She’s funny, smart, tender, sensitive and gorgeous. Our chemistry on a personal level is off the charts and sexually nothing compares to her, ans our nights together are a mish mash of food, wild sex and lots of music. But this makes me feel wary. Is it NRE or somthing deeper? It’s been over two years now so perhaps it’s deeper. Shes also an amazing caring Mother, and gets along with my child extremely well, which means the world to me..

My feelings for Marissa make the issues my wife and I go through feel totally jarring, especially if she’s going through a PMDD phase and being borderline abusive, where Marissa just wants to have a good time, deep conversations, talk through problems, and nerd out with games or movies. She makes me feel cared for. It's even more jarring when my wife is going through a PMDD, and exposes our child to it (yelling, being unreasonably strict, and sometimes distant): Ive drawn a red line on her conduct in that regard, and will shield my child from this but anyone living with PMDD or a partner with PMDD will know its not that easy to switch it off or remove yourself from a situation.

Contrasts like this make me feel like ive fallen out of love with my wife, but it's always temporary just like her symptoms. Home is where she is.

What I’m struggling with is: do I give up on my marriage, break up my child’s home, and abandon my wife, and be with Marissa as a primary partner or even monogamously and live my life with her? Marissa has made it clear to me that she wants to spend her life with me once her divorce is finalzied, Ideally monogomously if that's what I want, but she isnt sure how long she can cope with not being able to wake up with me every morning.

It’s not my wife’s fault that she has PMDD, and she is doing her best to deal with it, but it’s taking its toll on me bit by bit, and making me a worse partner since Im more quick to run out of patience due to burn-out or compassion fatigue. She's beautiful, funny, bright and when she isnt at war with herself, she is a perfect mother and partner I just dont know how long I can stand the arguments and fighting and the baggage that it generates and doesnt resolve.

Do I leave Marissa and focus on my wife and help her through her issues? Can I even help? My instincts tell me I need to focus on my wife - but am I arrogant to think I can help or fix her - Or rather to expect her to get better? Obviously I may have to make that choice if my wife cant learn reign herself in with our child.

Do I want to pull that trigger and then watch my wife end up potentially monogomous with Dave? My instints tell me that her issues will eat him alive. - but then again that could be my ego speaking.

For now I'll continue to support and help my wife, enjoy our family, and enjoy my bond with Marissa, amnd friendship with Dave.

Obviously I have paiinted a grim picture here, but i'm venting. There is plenty of good in our lives, plenty of things we have to be thankfull, for and other normal challenges we all go though.

Anyways Reddit: I'd love to hear your opinion. At the end of the day All I want is an easier, happier time at home with my family, and for my wife to feel better, and for Marissa to be in my life.

My (34M) fiancé (32F) has a new guy she's going to see. It takes her a long time to connect with people and become comfortable, but once she does, she's absolutely crazy about them. I like that for her and I'm glad she gets to experience that, but there's always been some vague agreements about the feasibility of some things.

She's very direct with people, talking about sex and her desires early with no reservations, she'll pursue men aggressively, and she'll pay primarily for dates. It intimidates some men but for the most part, she's exactly what every dude dreams of in a low-maintenance FWB. She's got her pick of the litter.

Feasibility has been things like distance, costs, etc. Is this person (often a stranger) hours away? Is there going to be a significant price tag associated with the date? Does this make sense as a regular thing? And so on. Well she met this guy on an app and said she didn't notice the distance, but he's the next state over. It's a 3-4 hour drive on a good day. This isn't necessarily against some rule, it's just bizarre for her to go that out of her way to meet a stranger for first date. They haven't met but she's planning to be gone for the weekend, and they already have a room. I get anxious about her safety meeting new people but understand she's an adult and (mostly) trust her judgement.

Well for the last week I have been absolutely spiraling with jealousy and insecurity in a way I haven't felt since the early days of opening our relationship. It's causing me to lose sleep. I don't know what triggered it, but it's only with this guy. I'm actually relieved when she mentions that she still talks to others. I've asked her if she'd be willing to meter her excitement about this guy, as they text from morning to night. Sometimes he's the first voice she hears in the day and the last person she talks to at night.

At one point I had found her taking lewds for him in the next room while I was getting ready to shower, and I had JUST stepped out. I'm not trying to police her time, it just feels like a lot right now. Since I've made my request, she's agreed and been sensitive to it. She's now rarely on her phone while I'm in the room (which is a little overkill), and I can relax in bed without her giggling and checking to make sure I'm not looking at her screen.

I want to love this connection for her, but I'm also feeling like I don't have that connection. This spiral is making me ask the big questions (good grief) like can I do this long term? Is this really what I want to deal with for the rest of my life? Is this the container that makes sense for me? Why did I initially want this, and how does it compare to how it actually all turned out?

If I can be vulnerable to internet strangers, I feel like the more experiences I have in the dating world, the more I feel like I actually can't enjoy them like I do with her. But I know the opposite seems true for her. I can't ever fully live in the moment with other people, but my partner is such a born lover, I know she's giving herself fully to these other beaus. I hope this doesn't sound as shitty as it reads, but the more sex I have with other people, the more it all feels the same, and the relationships all carry on and end the same, and I feel like what I really would love is for my fiance to want me like I want her.

The truth is I'm off three hours of sleep a night for the last week so I know I'm just being a big ol baby about stuff, and I'm seeing my therapist tonight, but I'm just feeling exhausted, and anxious, and jealous, and lonely, and yadda yadda.

Any words of wisdom would be so welcome.

Edit: proofreading

I want to share a brief intro ABOUT ME as well as more details about MY SITUATION in order to have a better understanding, but you can also skip it and go straight to the CHALLENGE part.

ABOUT ME I'm a 35F and I started dating recently after having terminated my 3rd last long monogamous relationship. This last one lasted 8 years. I have been enjoying my single life in the past 6 months by meeting new people, making new experiences and I also started to learn more about ENM, polyamory and BDSM. I am still discovering what I like, my needs and my boundaries. I made a promise to myself that I will take my time to explore and get in touch with myself before committing to a new "serious" relationship. My statement was "I wanna be single for at least an entire year".

MY SITUATION After several dates, two months ago I connected with 2 men:

• I met a 37M who is currently not emotionally available and we have a great connection. We agreed to be FWB immediately, but we also like to go out for dinner or have just a drink. We met 5 times so far.
• I started to chat with a 43M with whom I built a strong connection, not only for common values, but also because of the sexual affinity (D/s) and more. Due to the distance we managed to meet only last week and I can see him again in 2 months.

I did set clear expectations since the beginning that we won't be exclusive considering my situation : I want to explore more! However at the moment I feel very much connected on a deeper level with both men. Moreover they know about each other and that I want to see them regularly. I even thought that I would like if they could meet one day. Now I don't believe in "non-serious" relationships, instead I consider them serious AND complicated because after all it is a relationship with a human being who has emotions and where agreements, constant communication and much more is required. I feel like I'm embracing the polyamory lifestyle pretty well and I believe it fits me. But at the same time it seems like I jumped from not been willing to commit to over-committing 😅

CHALLENGE I have strong feelings for the 43M and we spoke about open relationship and I also introduced to him the concept of polyamory. Even thought we know each other for 2 months only and met once, I fantasize about a future together. Perhaps things will change the next time I see him, but I could think of him as my primary partner one day since we are such a strong match. He is curious about a polyamory relationship but we both struggle with jealousy already. Moreover the distance makes things more complicated.

He sees another woman and I need to deal with a bit of jealousy because I would like to be the one that he can spend more time with him. However I think it is important for both of us to explore our sexuality. And even if it is hurting a bit, I wanna know when he meets her and I'm curious to know more about her.

Instead he seems struggling more with jealousy at the point that he prefers not knowing when I go out with other dates or the FWB, unless he asks about it. That makes me feel guilty and I don't want to hurt him.

I don't know how to deal with these mix feelings. It starts to feel like a torture (hence the long post). For sure I'll keep sharing with him how I feel. But my biggest concern is: does it even make sense to invest time and energy in a ENM LDR of this type? Are we just gonna hurt each other? Shall we focus on the positive only?

Thanks!

So I am a bisexual woman new to this kind of thing. I also haven’t slept with a woman before. I’ve always wanted to try a threesome, but I haven’t been actively seeking it out. However I matched with a couple online and we recently met for drinks. It felt awkward to me and I wasn’t sure if I would get a second date but they did ask for another.

From reading unicornsrus and plenty of these sorts of threads, I know I should be very communicative and ask about boundaries, things they might not want to do in bed, etc. we have not talked about any of that yet but it has gotten me thinking about what I want, mostly to be the “guest star”. Not as a pillow princess, but I don’t want to just be the +1 to their experience. I’m not looking to date but I also don’t want to be used and emotional chemistry is important to me too. don’t quite know how to communicate this and I also feel like that is unfair to ask though logically I know it is not. Us unicorns are called unicorns a reason. I also don’t know if I should even be doing this having not had sex with a woman before.

I am feeling fairly anxious about it so maybe that is a sign that I am not ready. Either way, if you have any advice I would be glad to hear it. Thanks!

Not sure if this is the best place to ask but maybe I could get some advice on how to do things here. My girlfriend has recently seemed very interested in me having a fuckbuddy both for solo play and to do things with her. I’m not not okay with it but I have my reservations about it due to a mess that happened in my previous relationship. I’m really into the idea of someone joining both of us in bed but I’m a little afraid of having that person be there outside of that. I guess I need some advice on how I’d even go about this of if it’s even worth me actually doing. Any constructive advice would be greatly appreciated.

Edit: it appears I need to provide a bit of extra context here, I am perfectly fine with where I am at sexually. There are times it does bother me but I am not having any prevalent issues with sex in the bounds of my relationship. This is something she is aware of (whether or not she believes me is a separate story).

44 year old male. My wife and I have never had a conversation about opening up our relationship but we do have family members that are polygamous and have absolutely no problem with it. She has recently told me that she wants an open marriage by confessing to me that she already has feelings for another man. She says she still loves me and is love as well and wants to remain married and living together. I feel the same way about her but this has all come as something of a surprise. The two of us have some work to do on ourselves and I am not currently in a place where I feel beginning an additional relationship would be a responsible action on my part but I am not closed to the idea in the future. I haven’t done much research in this community and I guess I’m just looking for some guidance with regards to handling emotions, establishing mutual boundaries and maybe the most important, a quick run down on the meaning of all the acronyms I’m seeing. So. Many. Fuckin. Acronyms. I’m a little lost and a bit overwhelmed so any suggestions, advice or personal experiences you feel comfortable sharing with me are appreciated.

I am a straight female and he's a straight male. We started out traditionally monogamous, but it's not like that anymore. It did take me some time to warm up to the idea and feel secure in it. But I actually almost feel more secure now than when he was obliged to sexually faithful to me.

So yes, he is free to sleep with whomever he wishes to sleep with, so it is sexually open on his side. I wasn't always comfortable with it, but he is extremely honest and it's abundantly clear to me that for him it's purely lust and changes nothing about his feelings for me, and it's also just a given that no matter what, the sex is always the best with me. So what I'm saying is I don't have insecurity about his love & loyalty for me, or his sexual satisfaction with me, and our sex life is amazing. It's not so much like he has other girls to hit up on a regular basis, but more that if there's a party and i'm not around, he has the freedom to go crazy and hook up with someone random. He's basically a horny motherfucker lol. So I don't know, maybe in the future he might find some regular hook-ups, but there's not really hard rules, and I trust his discretion, communication, and maturity.

In theory I could sleep with other men, but in practice no. It's not that he prohibits it, but just that we mutually agree it doesn't really work. I'm very much a woman's woman I guess you could say, and I don't enjoy meaningless sex. So if I had sex with another guy, I would need to have genuine attraction, which is so rare for me to begin with, and would probably signify feelings on my side for the guy. But we are completely emotionally exclusive, so it doesn't work. I don't really want to either. I just don't, and besides, let's just say he keeps this lady extremely happy.

It works for some reason because of our sexual and relational dynamic, and the fact that I trust him completely. I wouldn't just let any guy I date do this, it might be a dealbreaker... Well anyway I wonder if this is common or not, and I don't even know the word for it. We're emotionally exclusive for each other, but one-sidedly sexually open..?

Me(f22) and my best friends ex (f22) sexually attracted to each other not only sexually but we get on amazingly as friends too. Me and my best friend are no longer close and I have been engaging in conversation with her ex-girlfriend. It’s been mostly platonic but we can both tell that we are interested in each other as there is sexual tension and a lot of flirting. I don’t know how to navigate the situation as I know we are no longer friends, but I have morals. However, her ex and I have always clicked and now we are really enjoying getting to know each other. We just don’t know how to handle the situation. Any advice?

PS: I have a boyfriend(m24) and I would like to get with her but this is holding me back

Hi! The four of us are going away for a weekend trip. We’re mostly going to stay in except to go eat and have coffee. I was wondering if you had ideas of what to do together besides playing board games?

I’ve already planned a few crafts and some small activities, but would like to know if you have any « must do » together!

Note: Before you say this is not non-monogamy, it’s very hard to categorize this relationship. We’re two couples who live separately but enjoy spending time/sleeping together every two weeks or so. We text every day and qualify it as real relationship because we agree we all have feelings for each other. Anyways, if you have any ideas, let me know! 🥰

Hey everyone! My partner and I are heading towards opening up our relationship to become ENM. As in, we have agreed to the shift but aren't quite at the point in our personal growths where we feel ready to actually start looking for other partners/connections. If it matters for my question, it does seem as though we are leaning less towards romantic connections than sexual ones. For example, I am 100% certain we would not be totally chill with our primary partner saying, "I love you," to their secondary connection. We also have agreed that we will be at least loosely hierarchical, which I recognize will likely limit the number of other people who are interested in it.

My main question is this: where the hell do you start looking for others who are open to poly(ENM specifically)? Like practically speaking. Dating and hookup apps come to mind, but that is also its own hellhole. It also seems like it could be an option to just make friends like normal, but that also could be a large time and energy expense if I am primarily seeking new friendships in the hopes that they will be open to poly. I also think of using dating/speed dating events, but it seems like a majority of those participants will be monogamous and could be annoyed at someone who is poly being there in the first place. I imagine there might be poly Meetup events or social clubs in my area because it's a large metro area, but I haven't found any so far in my searching.

What has been your most "successful" way to find other people that you actually end up in a poly relationship with? What habits or practices have you found to be horribly unsuccessful? Any advice would be very appreciated as I start to explore something that resonates very deeply with me!

Hi guys, basically the title and I need some advice on how to go about this. I have been searching for posts with similar content, but ofc each relationship is different, so I couldn't find exactly what I was looking for...

Me (f25) and my bf (m25) have been together since highschool and basically just been with each other. I have never believed in "one true love" that will last forever, but since we started super young, I also didn't really want anything, but to be with him at the time.

Through the years I started to realise that I won't be able to keep the monogamy forever. However, I do see ourselves having a future and growing old together. We are a really good team, we share a lot of hobbies, morals, we live together and share finances, so I want to find a way, where we can keep this relationship in the long run and not break it. I also often talked about my believes about the nature of impermanance of everything, about how for me love/energy/sexuality whatever you wanna call it, is this beautiful thing to be shared and experienced in different people as well and how I also wanted for him to be able to have experiences that would make him happy even outside the relationship. Both my parents cheated on multiple occasions and my family is completely broken, so my understanding of the world is much tainted by this. I am strongly convinced that it's inevitable to want to have different sexual partners in a long relationship, so I would much rather find a way to enjoy this human nature, since the contrary seems like setting yourself up to fail.

So far, however, he pointed out that being with me is the only thing that makes him happy and he never showed interest in being open and got drawn back when I wanted to talk about it.

But now, he told me about a crush he developed for a girl he met recently and would consider opening the relationship to be able to be with her as well.

My thought process is something like this:

1. I am really happy he shared this with me. It reassures me about the relationship being really healthy and strong and sincere.

2. I am happy it came to the point where he is starting to understand my views.

3. When I was wanting to open a relationship, I mostly had in mind to start with small casual hook-ups, not full on crushes and multiple relationships, because non of us is experienced being open and I don't know if I am ready for this big crush...

4. and am afraid that because of his previous very monogamous narrative and perception of relationships, he will immediately transfer all of his attacment to her - because thats the only way he knows how to love/express sexuality at this moment.

5. If he does end up falling for her, but still wants to be with me too, I would not want to have a polyamorous relationship atm.

I did point out all of this things to him as well, we talked about everything and he understands and agrees about us being the primary long term relationship. He says he doesn't see himself with her long term anyway. But my concearn is again point 4. he just can't know it yet (i guess you never can, but this situation especially).

I read a lot about how it's not okay to open just for one specific person, but I maybe want to take advantage of this opportunity to open and this girl he met seems really cool and I would love for him to be able to go for it as well.

Anyone has similar experience? Could we still make it work with this girl, if we wouldn't just jump head first, but really got informed and talked a lot, figure out what is it that we each want ect.... And if yes, do you have any tips on how to go about it? If you had a similar situation, what did you learn is key to making it work? What should we pay attention most to? Where did you have difficulties?

Thanks for reading if you got till the end, appreciate it.

I met someone through an app. I always ask potential playmates if they are single, dating, married, open, etc. This particular man told me he was married, it was open, and they play separately. He said all the right things that I have learned and read like their “rules and boundaries” for his marriage and being open. This man invited me to go out of town on multiple occasions for “group play”. I always turned these offers down, and I was looking for something much more casual. We ended up meeting on several occasions, always in my home, and always during the week/daytime. Long story short, his wife reached out to me after finding our messages through the app to tell me they are not open, and have never discussed this. 12 years together. Two children together. I’m new here. How do I trust men who say they are open? How was I suppose to know this when he said all the right things, and told me about previous interactions with other women? Do I need to have a conversation with the wife or gf and insist on this? Thanks for the input. I wasn’t emotionally attached to this man but I obviously felt horrible for his wife.

*for context, this was removed from a poly page and asked to post to a different page. *I’m new to the communities of “non-monogamy and “poly”

Hi All, forgive me if the questions I am asking are dumb. I’m a bit new to this and hope to just get some advice. And apologies for the super long post... all of this information feels relevant to me.

I (M34) am wanting to have a conversation with my fiance(F33) about potentially opening our relationship sexually in a fairly specific/defined way. I am heterosexual and fiance is bisexual.

Some context: We have been together for over 11 years, engaged for over a year, and will be getting married in a few months. Our relationship has been completely monogamous for our entire relationship and I would characterize our relationship as steady. We moved in together after a few years, have lived together ever since, we have a dog together, etc. Kind of the typical steps you’d see in a monogamous relationship. I love her very much and I know she feels the same way about me.

However, our sexual chemistry has honestly been gradually going down hill for years and this past year or two our sex life is almost nonexistent. Some of that is due to logistical reasons - we adopted a very needy puppy a few years ago who has crazy separation anxiety so finding alone time is really tough. Most of our sex now happens if we are on vacation at a hotel or rental place when the dog. That said, it’s not like we had a particularly active sex life before the dog, either. I think this is due to a few things. I think both of us suffer from confidence issues; my fiance is very insecure about her body. I was raised Catholic and have some discomfort with the idea of sex as a result (guilt, shame, etc.), but am trying to work through this in therapy. There have been a few instances in the past where I have declined sexual advances and I think that shook her confidence a bit. As a result, neither of us are as proactive in initiating sex so it just doesn’t happen as much anymore. But frankly, speaking for myself, I also feel like things have gotten a bit stale. All this said, I do think we still both have fairly health sexual appetites.

Anyways, getting to the nonmonogamy part of this: a few years ago, my fiance (at that time, girlfriend) told me she was bisexual. She told me she has never had sex with a woman before, was committed to our relationship together, but just wanted to tell me. All of that was fine! I was a bit surprised but can’t say I was downright shocked. She had made comments about women being attractive and was always kind of interested in a non-traditional sexual relationships. We continued on with our lives and a few years later decided we wanted to get married.

My fiance has never explicitly stated she wants to have a sex with a woman or open our relationship. Opening our relationship is not really something I had really considered a few years ago when she came out as bi to me. However, I have been trying to learn a bit more about non-monogamous relationships and have become a lot more comfortable with the idea of opening our relationship sexually to other women. I often feel guilty that I (or rather, our currently monogamous relationship) preventing her from fully exploring her sexuality or living a more sexually fulfilling life. I know that being bisexual does not mean someone is interested in non-monogamy and she has never asked to open the relationship. That said, she knows that in the past I have been a bit more conservative and sometimes uncomfortable about sex so I do wonder if she is not asking so as not to stir the pot. She has off-handedly said things that make me wonder - such as “having sex with a prostitute isn’t cheating” or things of that nature.

I would like to let her know that I am open to certain arrangements in a way that is not an ultimatum. These would include:

-Threesomes (not throuple) with a woman third

-Each of us separately pursuing sexual encounters (not long term relationships) with women

-My fiance pursuing sexual encounters (not long term relationships) with other women and me remaining monogamous

To be perfectly clear: I am in love with this woman, am fully committed to our relationship whether it is monogamous or not, and absolutely do not want to jeopardize our life together by bringing this up. A lot of what I’ve read is that these conversations can often go poorly and end up ending the relationship. That’s the last thing I want to do. That said, I think it could be good for both of us. We started dating so young (early 20s) that I do sometimes feel like I missed out on some sexual exploration. But also feel like I’m still young and have sexual drive and really don’t want to consign myself to a boring or nonexistent sex life. We’ve both expressed frustration with our sex life but it feels like we’re always just putting off doing something about it or assuming it’ll get better with different circumstances. She’s always been pretty open minded about sex - much more than me tbh - and has been more “adventurous” than me in past relationships.

Is this a bad idea? Is there no going back if she’s not interested in this? Any advice for a clueless hetero dude would be much appreciated.

Hi guys

I wont go into details but i just broke up with my girlfriend of six years. I fought my attraction for other people for months, especially for one specific guy. She is monogamous and is taking my attraction towards other people really personnally and is making me feel guilty for it. We were also quite sexually incompatible but she was very very important to me. I am not alone and this breakup was a long time coming but please tell me i am going to be ok :)))

My girlfriend (23F) and I (23F) have been together for four years and have discussed the possibility of an open relationship in the future. We recently got a chance to test the waters when someone starting flirting with her on Reddit and I encouraged her to flirt back. This is still going on and we are both enjoying it - knowing that she is texting someone else turns me on but I don't know why. I wouldn't be ready for it yet but I think in the future I would even be turned on by her having sex with other people (and I'd want to be involved in someway).

Have you had similar experiences? If so why do you enjoy it and what are you boundaries?

Hello, my name is Alex (31M), and I’ve been married to my wife, Evie (28F), for nearly four years. We've been together for seven, having met on Bumble in 2017. She’s brilliant, driven, bubbly, and full of life.

From the beginning, Evie was open about her bisexuality, something I fully embraced as a fellow member of the LGBTQ+ community. Over the years, we talked about her attraction to women and my attraction to men, we joked about it occasionally. It was just another facet of her that I loved. Our bond felt unshakable, a partnership built on respect, trust, and shared values.

Things started shifting in 2023 when Evie met Keira, a coworker who had recently joined her company. Keira is charismatic, witty, and someone Evie deeply respects. She also has this way of making Evie laugh which I hadn’t seen in a while. For context, we moved away from our hometown, which meant we didn’t get to see close friends or family as much as we used to. I was happy Evie was building a social life. Every time Evie came home from work, I’d hear the latest tea about Keira, and honestly, it was entertaining.

I didn’t think much of their growing closeness and even suggested Keira come over for dinner and drinks so I could meet the “famous Keira” myself. Evie loved the idea.

In October 2023, that's when I met Keria for the first time and truth be told I got on with her. I never really clicked with Evie's friends - they're lovely don't get me wrong, but it was mostly small talk you get me. However, Keria had some similar interests and good humour. After a relaxed evening of wine and conversation, the topic of threesomes came up. We were all quite tipsy and were joking around. I didn't think too much about it until the next few days.

I got chatting with Keira over Instagram (sending reels, in-jokes ec) as I thought she was cool and that. Then, she asked me if I was serious about the threesome and I was stunned. Btw, I didn't say before. but Keira did share with me that she identified as queer, but now that I've known her for almost two year, she's not into men at all. Just keep that in mind.

I showed the message to Evie, and to my surprise, she confessed she would be open to the idea. She said she’d like to explore her attraction to women in a safe, consensual way, and she thought a threesome could be a way to honor our trust and curiosity. After some thought, I agreed. I wanted to support Evie, and I’d never had a threesome with two women before.

Fast forward to late 2023, we experimented with threesomes a few times. The first was fun I guess, but over time, I noticed it was becoming less of a 3way and more of Keira and Evie thing. Points where Keira took over and watched her to get on top of my wife to make out while I was pushed to the side. I have seen the comments on my old post, saying I've been cucked by a woman and tbh, you're right. I didn't like the feeling at all. Anyways, Keira began staying over more often, and one evening, Evie asked if Keira could temporarily move in after her lease ended. I hesitated but eventually agreed, wanting to support both of them. Plus, I didn't want Keria on the streets or something, I'm not evil and we still got on.

However, "temporary" turned into months, and Keira became a near-permanent fixture in our home. I felt like the dynamic between Evie and me had shifted, with Keira now occupying a significant part of Evie’s emotional world.

In December 2024, Evie announced she was pregnant after years of us trying. It was the best feeling ever! Weeks later, she told me she had developed feelings for Keira and wanted to explore a polyamorous relationship if I was okay with it. She insisted she still loved me deeply and that our marriage remained her foundation. I took a step back in the process. If this was going to happen, I made my boundaries clear: I wouldn’t be sidelined, and I wouldn’t agree to anything that jeopardized my role as Evie’s husband or the father of our child.

Evie listened. She apologized for how things had unfolded and for the imbalance that had crept into our relationship. She reassured me that her love for me hadn’t wavered and that she was committed to rebuilding our connection. She proposed couples therapy, and we agreed to create a structured approach to our new situation, including clearer boundaries with Keira.

When Keira and I spoke alone, I was surprised by her vulnerability. She admitted she felt unsure of her place in this dynamic and that she sometimes overstepped out of fear of being excluded. She acknowledged that I deserved respect and that our cohabitation had created unnecessary tension. We agreed to work on finding common ground.

Now, Evie and I are focusing on nurturing our marriage and preparing for parenthood. Keira plans to find her place but remains an integral part of our lives. It’s a delicate balance, but I’m hopeful we can create a future that honours all of our needs while keeping our love and family at the centre.

Update: 28/01/2024

Thanks for all the advice and support on my last post, it’s been incredibly helpful in navigating the past couple of weeks. Here’s where things stand now.

Evie and I are in a better place. Couples therapy has helped us rebuild trust and communicate more openly. It’s still early days, but it’s been helpful to hear each other’s points of view without judgment.

Keira is in the process of moving out. She’s found a place she’s excited about and plans to move in the next couple of weeks. When we spoke alone a few days ago, she broke down and cried. She admitted she felt like she’d messed things up and didn’t want to ruin things between Evie and me. I could see how much she genuinely cared about both of us.

Evie has been incredibly open about her feelings. She still loves Keira, and that connection isn’t going away. When Keira leaves, Evie plans to stay with her a couple of days a week. But she’s also been clear that our marriage is her priority. She’s put a lot of effort into making sure I feel secure and supported, and it’s helped me trust that we can make this work.

Parenthood has been the main focus for Evie and me lately. Setting up the nursery, going to birthing classes, and imagining life with our child have brought us closer. Thank you again for all your support, it’s meant so much. I’ll keep you updated :)