Every month I deposit $500 into my SAH wife's account for her to spend freely, for her needs. I pay for all our other necessities, to include: groceries, mortgage, car payments (2024 3 row SUV for her and roadster for myself as the fun ride), insurance, and all our other needs. The 500 is strictly for her pleasure.

I understand every family is different and I wanted to to ask if this enough.

Edit: She lets me know she is greatful... But I know she is a minimalist...that is why I ask.

My son's father, my boyfriend of almost 5 years, does so much. I feel like I could do more. I honestly don't even know why I'm writing this. I feel like I'm doing all I can, but am I really? I feel, not useless, but like not living up to what I am able to do. I don't know. He works full time + overtime He goes to the laundry mat every Sunday, we don't have a washer and dryer. He goes grocery shopping He handles bills He comes home and plays with our son after work while make dinner He helps with the dishes He helps with cleaning up after the kiddo He takes care of the car He mostly takes care of our dog when he is home(feeds him, walks him)

I clean I cook I keep the kiddo alive & happy & clean I make the grocery list

If I didn't clean or something, I'll apologize & he says "I do not care. The kid is happy & healthy." If I don't feel like making dinner he will bring something home. If I wanna take a nap or leave the house or just need space, he doesnt hesitate to say it's okay.

I just feel like I should be doing more. Maybe it's just our situation. We share a one car, so he knows it's easier to go do the laundry & grocery shop by himself rather than me going with our son. Our son gets extremely car sick as well.

I feel inadequate. By no means am I complaining about all he does. I just feel like I could be doing more.

My husband and I want to conceive next year, and I am interested in being a SAHM at least until our child is in school full-time. He’s an engineer and currently makes 80k/year. Presently, I make 65k, but obviously, that stream of income will go away once I transition to being a SAHM. We’re talking about him getting a promotion or a new job elsewhere to make up for the loss in income, but I doubt he’s going to get a 65k increase. Most likely, we will be working with less income and more expenses. Rent is our biggest expense at $2,100/month, and I’ll admit we’re in a nice area, but even if we move to a lower COL area, rent really only fluctuates to ~$1,600. I just want to know how financially stressful out lives may be and what he should aim to earn for us to live/support a child comfortably.

Our monthly expenses are around 4k right now, and that’s just for recurring bills like rent, utilities, car payment, etc. That doesn’t take into account being people with social lives and the desire to go out and do things. I am willing to cut back certain spending, but I suppose I am wondering how expensive it is to be a parent in the first 5-6 years of life to see if being a SAHM is in the cards for us.

Edit: We live in Cincinnati, OH. Hopefully that gives a better idea of COL.

Sooo as I’m laying in bed, scrolling…I realize that I have no idea WHERE in the house my toddler has put the mini pumpkin we bought WEEKs ago.

I’ve only JUST had the lightbulb moment that it’s missing….yes, mom radar went off, randomly in the middle of trying to fall asleep and that is what popped in my brain and opened my eyes….

IF it’s rotting now, can someone help me find it?? My toddler is an excellent hider of all things that shouldn’t be misplaced….

I just need to complain and vent somewhere, no advice needed. I’m struggling really bad right now, I have a 2 year old and a 2 month old. My daughter’s in a very talkative phase and has no volume control while my son won’t sleep without it being almost silent. I’ve tried putting him to sleep in another room, in his bassinet, pack n play, crib, anything and he just will not sleep. Today he didn’t sleep for longer than 10 minute intervals from 11am until 8pm, he was cranky and overtired, I was irritable and frustrated. It was just a shitshow. My daughter wanted to play in her room and wanted me to play with her all day but I had to tend to my son. My husband had to go run errands most of the day so I got to see what my day will be like when he goes back to work in a few weeks.

To say I’m screwed when he goes back to work is an understatement, there is no possible way it’s going to go well when it’s just me caring for both kids. Will they both survive? Probably. Will I go insane? Definitely. I’m running on 4 hours of sleep at a time currently, my son won’t sleep anywhere but on us and our daughter contact sleeps still. We have tried everything to get her to sleep on her own and she just won’t sleep at all if we’re not in bed with her so half the night one of us is with her the other half one of us is with our son. I’m so tired already, I don’t know how on earth we’re going to survive this when my husband goes back to work soon. Earlier I finally showered and felt so nice and clean, then spent 2 hours bouncing, rocking, and walking my son until I was drenched in sweat.

Now I stink all over again and just really want to cry. I’ve been on my period for 13 days now, I’m not sleeping, my kids are grumpy all day usually, I’m grumpy all day, our cat wakes our kids for no reason, I’m just so tired. We have no village, it’s just me and my husband so we have no one to help, it’s just hard. My husband informed me recently he’s going to be leaving for 3 weeks a month after he goes back to work and then for another 3 months after that. I can’t imagine how awful it’s going to be caring for our kids by myself for so long and I’m so angry he’s deciding to leave voluntarily. I’m just tired, frustrated, and really wishing I could catch a break for awhile from everything. I’m so scared to do this alone because I just know I’m going to be an awful mom to my kids if I’m the only parent giving them attention. Being a mom is so hard.

Hey, new(ish) to the sahm thing. The biggest/hardest transition to me has been not relying on leaving my children to regulate. Work used to be a holiday and I could control myself a lot better because I had that downtime. Now, my toddler abuses/yells at me while baby screams in the background (or something of that nature) and I find it really difficult to not tip over the edge.

I used to have in my brain “just wait till work” and that would help. But now I’ve got nothing except running away in the moment so I don’t yell at my kid. Anyone got a good long term solution that’s worked?

For starters, I don’t know that I’m a legit SAHM, I work 2-3 12 hour shift a month as an RN.

I just got done with a weekend of bonus night shifts that I made great money doing…I’m still dragging, but honestly at baseline I have been a tired person ever since I hit puberty. Labs have always checked out, so medically, there is seemingly nothing wrong with me. I have 3 kids under 5.

Today, after I laid the two youngest down, I tidied up the kitchen and admittedly, left a basket of the kids’ clean laundry and laid down in bed for a bit to relax with my oldest coming in and out frequently. My husband caught me doing this and was very upset because I had work I could be doing and if he is working, I should be working. My husband is mostly helpful - when he wants to be, in his own way, and when he’s not upset with me over something. This past weekend, he watched the kids while I was making the money and did a fairly decent job. I believe my husband has OCD and he has also said the same thing, so if things aren’t to his liking, he is not having a good time. He found me resting in bed and was very upset and said he expects that I work when he’s working and I pointed out that my job is 24/7, I would like to relax for a bit. He obviously wasn’t having that, so I got up and started working on the basket of laundry and he went around pointing out the areas he’s not satisfied with in the house. My house is never ever dirty, he would agree with that because we’ve had extensive conversations about it, but he is less than thrilled with clutter around the house and he feels I’m a lackluster housekeeper but has said I’m a great mom. We have this argument probably minimum of 1 time a week and have for years now. Today, he said “if nothing is ever going to change, tell me now.” And I said that nothing is ever going to change. I’ve already changed a lot about how I keep a house to make him happy, and honestly no matter how much I change I just can’t seem to keep up and consistently keep the house to his standards. I take care of all meals, all grocery shopping, any and all logistics for the kids, the cleaning unless I’m at work, and before March of this year, I wasn’t working. I went back because he had used the term “his money” and I just couldn’t do that. I wanted to bring something monetary to the table too.

Anyways, I told him I didn’t see things changing enough to meet his standards and he proceeded to call me a “piece of shit, a worthless and lazy piece of shit.” He’s called me lazy before, I don’t think he’s ever called me worthless though. This is hitting me HARD. I don’t feel like any of those words describe me. I’m not lazy, I’m definitely not worthless. I do so so much for my family and I bring so much value to my family. I’m confident in that. It’s been an hour though and I’m still crying about his words and feel completely gutted and sick over it. I know I don’t deserve this.

Also, I’m already in therapy…he’s also not satisfied with our sex life and he asked me to go to sex therapy so I’m seeing a therapist weekly. We are talking about a lot more than sex though, so I do have someone I’m talking to.

I know this sounds like a wild unbelievable story. I know this isn’t ok, but I just don’t want to make any rash decisions and honestly I feel so strongly about staying home with my kids, I just feel like my relationship is tearing me apart and I’m waiting to hit a breaking point and there’s just so much I feel like I’d have to give up on and I know that my life financially would be more difficult but I don’t think that’s a reason one should stay either.

If you got this far, thanks for reading my ramblings, I know it was a lot. I don’t feel like I’m in complete denial about my situation, and I know there’s things I could improve upon, I just feel if I improve and fail here and there, we are still going to argue over my failings so it almost feels pointless.

I still have a little over a month left of maternity leave and my LO will be about 4.5 months, however I literally lose sleep thinking about not being with him all day. He’s already set up at a great daycare that came highly recommended from my coworkers, but I get so sad when I think about not seeing him all day/missing out on his development. I just love our schedule, our slow mornings (I’m a teacher so early start in a further district) and all the quality time we spend together.

I guess I’m just looking for some stories of people who were also DREADING going back to work, but it ended up being okay. Make my mama heart feel a little better 🥺

I keep single socks at the bottom of my clean clothes hamper just in case I’m able to eventually find its mate. The other day my 4 yo saw a sock he wanted while he was getting dressed. Usually I can talk with him in situations like these where he will have to choose something else. Unfortunately my husband got to him first and said they could probably find the mate mixed in there. I quickly told them those are the lost socks, there’s no mates in there. No one acknowledged me.

Eventually I had to grab a mated pair of socks from his room myself so he could finish getting dressed.

Another day my oldest was looking for his hat (he never wears) and he asked my husband about it. I was right there and I’m the one who cleans his room… I tried to tell him where it was but my husband had already thrown out a random suggestion and my son walked away, ignoring me to go look for it. He did not find it. He came back frustrated and him and my husband started aggravating each other. Meanwhile I’m right there repeating what I already said.

It just feels like when dad is home I’m not in the room anymore.

Sometimes they get in trouble with me, dad opens his mouth and I disappear and they’re magically only talking with him.

I wasn’t sure which subreddit to post this, but I feel like SAHM peeps know this struggle. Since having our b/g twins a couple years ago, I’ve been a hot, sweaty mess. I was always the one who got cold easy, wore sweats inside, had normal sweating outside, etc. Now?? All I have to do is start the morning routine and the sweats starts. Cooking breakfast? drenched. Go outside to play (omg this summer was terrible)? I had to start wearing bandanas to catch the river that runs down the back of my head. It’s started to cause skin changes in my private areas, more hyperpigmentation, in grown hairs, I hateeeee ittttttt. I’m a first time mom here and this is all new to me. Any advice on calming or helping to wick away some of this nonsense will be appreciated!!!!!!

You ladies are rockstars. I don’t know how you do it but hats off to you! I used to think I wanted to be a SAHM and almost a year into staying home with my son, I realized that it was not for me. I lost myself and went through horrible depression and felt like I had no purpose ( again that was the depression talking) I love my son more than anything in this world and Im a mom first but I couldn’t stay home.

So again. You mamas are amazing and don’t let anyone make you feel that you are not doing enough. Keep on kicking ass ladies. Those babies are so lucky to have you.

I’m on maternity leave with my second daughter. She was born in June, my oldest is about to be 3. I’m having the time of my life being home with them and I’m approaching the date (12/1) I have to go back to work as a teacher. Every time I think it tears start pouring down my face. They are right now.

If there was any possibility that I could stay with them, I’d need to find a way to bring in $2k/month. I was just wondering if anyone here could offer me any ideas. Does anyone make that kind of money as a SAHM and could share how? I have a background in art education, design, writing. I’m desperate.

I’ve never voted so don’t know the protocol and with children… trying to do the advanced voting but I don’t know if I can bring my son.

Edit: voted today and was in and out in less than 10 mins. The workers enjoyed my son and he did great. They gave him a scrap piece of paper and a pen so he could “vote” too. Go vote!

My son (almost 2yo) has been going through this phase the past few weeks where’s he’s been increasingly more clingy with me. Always wanting to be held, always wanting to follow me around the house and be next to me when I’m doing something (especially in the kitchen), and even for naps wants to be held/rocked until he falls asleep even though previously (the past 8 months) he preferred to fall asleep independently. Does it get annoying and overstimulating at times? Absolutely. But it also makes me thankful to be a sahm to be able to give him this extra attention he’s needing right now in this phase; I can’t even imagine how tough it would be to have to take him to daycare while I go to work knowing all he wants is more of me. He’s my only and growing so fast so I’m grateful to spend all this time with him.

Just wanted to spread some positivity when being a sahm can otherwise be very hard and it’s easy to sometimes forget to stop and be thankful for the little things. Feel free to share something you feel thankful for that being a sahm allows you to do/have/witness 😊

So this has probably been posted here before- but it has been a game changer for me and I wanted to share: TURN ON SOME MUSIC!

I feel so lonely at home some days I have the TV on all day. I get stuck watching some reality garbage that I don’t really even enjoy but I get caught up in the story. It helps me feel less lonely but I notice I get more annoyed during the day when I keep trying to catch whatever weird moment is happening on TV. Anyway this NEVER happens when I just have music on. I feel more motivated to do the chores, I turn on relaxing music while enjoying my coffee and waking up and baby plays with toys. It’s just a better vibe overall.

Try it! You might feel better. 😘

Hi everyone, I have been a sahm since March 2024. My daughter is 5. Prior to that I had been a single mom. Because of this I am used to taking care of my daughter and providing for her on my own.
Well, yesterday I attended a birthday party and there was a newborn baby. The mom had her parents there to help her as well as her husband.
When I came home that night after my daughter slept I had a huge emotional breakdown. The crying was just uncontrollable and all the past 5 years just hit me like a brick. The phrase "It was so hard" just kept replaying in my head.
For context, I didnt have any of that support with my daughter. I was young also. And I did it, I got through it. I always took care of her and continue to take care of her thank God. But I struggled so much and I really worked so hard. And I always told myself I had to do it all alone.
The thing is, I think I have been living in survival mode emotionally for at least 5 years. I feel disconnected from all people, except my child and husband. I am just trying to get through each day. I dont have any dreams or hopes. I feel almost totally empty inside. I feel my souls battery is at -1000% and that I am always underwater with just my nose above to breathe.
I dont want to feel like this for the rest of my life. I want to feel connected. I want to be able to get out of this mode. What can I do?

Thank you

My husband and I made the decision as a united team for me to stay home to homeschool our children (11yo w/ADHD and 16yo w/DS). I am seeing the need for a second income and I can't burden my husband with getting a second job.

Now since he has always had a career in IT, it's easier and more financially sound for him to go to work. He has a well paying job and bills are being paid. However, medical/dental procedures, car maintenance, etc. are all piling in one right after the other with no relief. I have worked but never had a career in a specific field.

He (a 100% DV with mental health concerns) has been saying he should try to get a second job to support this issue. I can't bear to see him do this to himself. It would be more stressful on us than we really can handle.

So, I have been scouring the edges of the internet to find a remote job so that I can continue to homeschool the children and be 100% there for them. That's just it. I need to be 100% there for them and have a job. But this is just physically impossible.

I’m 5 months post partum and we had issues before having a baby. But it has seemed to only get worse with him after a baby. Our issues always stem from him never wanting to have a conversation about problems, he just always thinks he’s right; and I’m wrong. He says he will never go to counseling with me. Now postpartum things have only gotten worse. I really just don’t like him and don’t like how he treats me. He’s constantly making fun of me, making remarks about my weight, or saying that I’m not a real adult whatever cause I don’t make any money. He thinks that because he makes money that’s all he has to offer and our roles are equal. Even though I get up with the baby at night, he never does, I’m the default parent and he’s just there criticizing me. I never feel like I’m enough for him, which before upset me. But now I feel done, I feel like I just want to focus on myself and stop putting energy into him.

I told him I don’t want to talk for a few weeks because I need space from him cause he’s been treating me bad. I’m just gonna spend this time to focus on me and my daughter. My plan is to see what happens after the few weeks, but I doubt he’ll ever change. I just have no where to go, and I don’t have an income so nowhere to move to. And I don’t want to put my daughter in daycare cause she’s small and was a preemie.

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We live in an area where the speed limit is 75 on big roads, whenever we drive short or long trips he chooses to go that fast around 85 mph. I don’t like to go that fast especially with our baby in the car. When I ask him not to he just says he’s not changing how he drives cause I don’t like it. I just don’t think it’s safe as I’ve been in an accident and it gives me anxiety. Am I right to be upset that he refuses to slow down at all for me and my baby

I, SAHM of a 1 year old and 5 year old, want to know what I'm doing wrong here...

My husband works from home but travels a lot for work. When he's gone it's all me. I don't help get from family at all unless I'm desperate then i'll pay my sister. He comes home on the weekend.

My eldest goes to school but my little one is home with me. I perform on the weekends when my husband gets back, not every weekend, but a lot. I make a small amount of cash to do this. My husband doesn't think it's balanced or that my gigs are valid.

He says he works and then comes home and takes care of the kids and cleans the house and it's not fair that I get to go and do something that I love and make a measly 100 bucks.

Am I wrong? I'm seriously considering leaving because I feel my labor isn't valued at all.

Forgot to mention I'm very persistent in giving him breaks and letting him watch his soccer games when he asks. I push hard for him to take time for him but he still resents me.

Recently I had a discussion with my husband and I can’t stop dwelling on it. I mentioned how already seeing Christmas stuff up at the stores is making me stressed. I used to love Christmas but now the holiday season is so stressful for me that I dread it. He asked me why and honestly, it’s because he always has to work a lot (he is a pastor) and there are so many family events. I either have to get our house cleaned and ready and cook everything alone, while caring for a child, because he has a ton of work stuff, or we have to trek multiple hour drives to everyone else’s houses that aren’t toddler proofed. Last year he missed the events for my family because of work, so I had to drive two hour alone with a baby and watch him myself for the whole event. Not to mention I’m the one who has to navigate with our families about who we see on which day so that nobodies feelings are hurt. Like the holidays genuinely suck for me. It is the worst two weeks of the year. Easter is quite possibly worse than Christmas.

Basically, he said this is a part of life. I told him when I was growing up, we didn’t see extended family for holidays. We just stayed home and had a nice relaxing day as a family. He was so dismissive, almost condescending in telling me that is unrealistic and selfish.

Is this just what it means to be a mom? The holidays are grueling and stressful for us so our kids can have a fun day and so grandparents can see their grandchildren? We have to give up every single thing we enjoy for our family (because this post can’t contain the list of other things I’ve give up due to his work schedule and having a child to care for). I understand my husband doesn’t have a choice about working. But it feels like no one sees or cares how hard it is for me. I wish I could just fast forward through Christmas and skip it this year. I feel so selfish to be even complaining about this. I’m lucky to have loving family and a husband who works so hard to support us. But I also I feel like some of you all will understand.

Hi ladies! My husband and I have been exploring the idea of me quitting my job to become a SAHM and spend more quality time with my son who is 2.5. He is currently a SAHD and doesn’t feel like he is getting much satisfaction from his day to day and wants to go back to work. For the past 2.5 years, I’ve envied his position and often wished it was me instead of being the sole breadwinner of the house. Even though I am upstairs working, participating in back to back calls, doing intensive project management work, I’ve always felt like I was missing out on my baby’s most important years.

When my son was 8 months, my company forced us all to go on a 4-day mandatory sales conference and this marked my first work trip since becoming a FTM. I kid you not, I legit had the worst panic attack that I had ever experienced in my life. I hyperventilated the entire way to the airport and literally thought I was having a heart attack up until the plane reached an altitude of 11,000 ft— which is when I finally felt my heart rate slow down.

I say all this because, I know the traveling won’t stop, the conferences are annual and mandatory and there’s client meetings in between them requiring even more travel. I feel like I’m missing out on the most important years and my mental health has deteriorated from this. I feel so strung out, like I’m physically here but not really there. The stress of being a mom, wife and a good employee is eating me away.

For those of you that made the transition to SAHM with a good budget plan already in place, how did you feel about it afterwards? Did you have any regrets or did you absolutely love it and never looked back?

Being a WHM mom, I still do chores but with the added stress of completing all my work. Did transitioning help you finally find a balance?

Thanks so much in advance!

I’m a special Ed teacher in Massachusetts and just had my first baby in July. The district I work for is 45 mins away and the idea of commuting back and forth every day with an infant is very daunting. My partner works long hours so can’t help much with pick up/drop off.

For those who did make the career change, what did you do? I’d happily pick up some tutoring hours, but I’d also consider a complete career change into a different field. The only issue is I’m not sure I’m qualified for the corporate/business world where most remote jobs occur.

Any insight is super appreciated!!!

I watch my 17 month old grandchild for approximately 40 to 45 hours per week. What are some fun indoor activities that we can do? They are very active and like to be on the move. I'm looking for things that will help them learn and grow.

My baby recently turned 1 and was on nitramigen for a multitude of reasons. Anyway, since switching to almond milk (still has cmpa), I feel like they're looking more skinny? I'm worried the new toddler diet isn't enough nutrients. Maybe it's just a toddler growth spurt and I'm not used to seeing them not looking like a baby for once? Has anyone else noticed this? I'm worried I'm not feeling them enough even though I feel like they eat so well. They're in the 99th percentile for height (31in) and 93 percentile for weight (23.4lbs)

First time mom so I'm always worried 🥲

How often are you guys getting outside of the house with baby?

Sometimes I feel so guilty if I don’t go out and do activities with my baby (18 mos), but I just love being at home and playing on the floor together, reading books, and enjoying the mundane. We do get out 2-3 times a week because older sibling have sports and activities or we need to run errands. During practices and games he runs around fields and interacts with other kids but when we don’t have anything to do, I just love being home.

I feel like I should be doing daily walks, taking baby to story time or libraries, parks, etc.

My husband has a very crazy schedule. It's never the same and there are three different shifts. This month my husband has been mosty working the day shift and has only been able to see our daughter only a few hours before she goes to bed and on his days off. Now she is super clingy to me and is flat out ignoring him and doesn't want to be around him. What can we do to help her cope with this?