HEY YALL! just came from Maryland back from Maryland, I went to court and I was able to put in a motion to obtain my records it was a bit confusing actually yall not going to lie. I went one department that gave me this form to fill out. I didn’t understand how to fill it out so they told me to go to the public attorney office to help me fill out the paper. But they won’t open till like 1pm…. Soooo I went to the juvenile department and asked how to obtain my records they asked for a case number that I didn’t have so she asked for my id and came back and asked if I was adopted. I told her yes so she gave me another form basically me stating my reason on why I want my records. I guess they were telling me that my foster care records may be included in my adoption but point is filed the motion. Now I have to wait for the judge to approve me getting my records. Also took a dna test with my dad and we are waiting on the results that should be coming in some time this week hopefully. Alsoooo I talked to my social worker today and tomorrow I have an appointment at 12 and she will be going into my file, and looking for the contract I signed off with my adoptive mom that I was going to be receiving money from the government for school. Once I get that paper and see how much she was being sent * otw I did not receive that money. I will prove that she stole my college money and sue her :) good day over all yall thank yall for yall support it’s not over yet though guys still fighting !

As the title says, me and the baby father were not together when I conceived, we have tried to live together and it hasn’t been working, he’s emotionally and physically abusive, more emotionally now that he can’t put his hands on since in 4.5 months pregnant (he put his hands on me, and choked me out a month ago though so what difference does it make , maybe month and a half) he tried to tell me many times to get a abortion when I first told him, but I’ve lost EVERYTHING because of him and didn’t want this to be added to the list.. well 4.5 months later, that’s the case. I can’t take the abuse anymore I’m mentally and physically drained, I don’t want to abort but I will if I have to.. I just want to give this baby up for adoption but he says to give him the baby… so him and his “good family” can raise it… well his moms no better then him so I don’t want them having my child and lying to her about everything he did wrong, and I don’t want to keep a baby without a father in her life and always in the middle of some bs between him and me.. I haven’t called the cops on him and had him arrested or anything nor do I want to.. but I will if I have to. Can I give the baby up for adoption without his concent? I have years of footage of him breaking my house getting in me and my mom’s face, putting hands on me.. all of it..

So I’m looking for advice.

I’m a 25yo(f) Adoptee, and have known I was adopted my whole life. My AP’s have been open for the most part, but it was an informal closed adoption, meaning no official adoption paperwork was signed beyond changing custody agreements.

Recently within the last 4 months I’ve received the contact information for my fully biological sister. We’ve chatted a bit, bonding over shared medical issues, but I’m really struggling to reach out. We live 1,473 miles apart, and I’ve missed her entire life up to this point… I just don’t know how to be a sister, and I don’t want to mess this up and scare her away

How can I show her I want to be close with her without overwhelming her? I mean FFS, she didn’t even know i existed until she was 16… between the age gap and being the literal skeleton in her closet alone in just lost on how to bridge this gap…

Any advice would be appreciated, deeply. TYIA.

Hi, I was wondering whether someone else has this experience.

I was adopted by a family with two severely disabled children. My siblings are almost blind and deaf and autistic. Their care took my adoptive parents almost all of their time, and despite that, they choose to adopt me. I grew up as a glass child: I helped them out raising my siblings, at the cost of my autonomy. I was not allowed to be upset about what my siblings did and treated like a therapist.

I still can't phantom why they would adopt me when their biological children were already such a handful. I want to find information or similar stories to mine, but I can't find any.

Is there anyone with the same experience?

Disclaimer: To be clear: I don't want to insinuate that all adoptive families with disabled biological children neglect their adoptive child. It's just my own experience.

Hi! I'm new to this sub and reddit as a whole. My husband and I are 29 years old. We've been married for 3 years. Last November we lost our baby to a miscarriage. My husband and I are entertaining the idea of adoption. I don't know if that's a good idea which is why I'm here seeking help. What are the things we should expect should we decide adopt? Is adaptation a good idea considering we can try for another baby?

I (39F) gave my baby up when I was 20. I already had 2 kids and was raped by the friend of my kids' dad. I went to him and told him but he didn't believe me, so I left. I moved from NJ to FL to escape the embarrassment that I felt. His birth (it was a boy) was so fast that I had to be rushed to the hospital. They thought I was a drug addict because I said I wanted to give him up for adoption. They also told me how wrong I was. It scared me so much that I didn't want to give my real name. I remember thinking that I was going to go to jail. Then a lady came in my room and asked to sign him away, after my HIV and AIDs tests. The Dr. thought she had HIV from me, because what kind of person gives their kid away. He passed all their tests, as I knew he would. I actually almost died from that birth. Not during but after. The Dr. must have been so disgusted with me that she didn't clean me out after birth. However, I fucked up, I was so scared that I used my aunts name. I want to know him so bad I think about it so much that it hurts. I hate myself for not being strong enough in that moment. How do I find him now? He's 18 and I've never been shy about telling my kids about him, so they want to meet him too. How do I go about finding him?

Any podcasts/blogs/books you suggest? Hoping to learn more about experiences of folks that left their bio families and were adopted as older kids, ie. 5-10 years old.

Specially looking for adoptee-made resources.

Thanks!

So, I’m in my late 30’s, I’ve found one half of my birth family, my birth mother, 2 sisters and my grandparents are still alive, and at least entering their early 80’s,

Things haven’t been or are going well with my birth family, my birth mother seems very angry at me almost like it’s my fault I was given up for adoption, so that has kinda fizzled out, and as expected my oldest sister has asked that we don’t speak anymore. Which is fine she has her feelings, I have mine.. my youngest sister definitely wants to meet. However I live in London and she’s in Cape Town. My grandparents know I’ve been in contact they helped fill out some family tree via my birth mother, I don’t have a phone number for my grandfather but I do for my grandmother.

According to my paperwork he wasn’t exactly thrilled about his daughter getting pregnant and I guess they had a long time to be with that.. how this all came about is I actually bumped into my uncle on a plane and I approached him.. that was 2019, we swapped numbers as a plane isle wasn’t the place for this huge thing to happen.

Everyone has my number but I haven’t heard from my grandparents, I’m not sure if they would be interested in speaking with me. Half of me wants to reach out, the other half thinks if they wanted to talk thay would reach out to me..

I’m paralysed by my own do or don’t. I’m aware that my being born may have affected them in some way, also it may have not who knows! I certainly don’t…

Any advice?

I gave birth to my son just over a month ago. It was a very unplanned pregnancy as I already have a 18 month old daughter and live with my mom. I went the whole pregnancy wanting to keep my son with me but my mom told me she would kick me out if I kept him. So ultimately I ended up placing him for adoption. And I wish I didn’t. It’s been very hard for me as I feel I was forced into it. Just wanted to put this out there incase there’s anyone who can relate to me.

We have one child but have been unable to have another. She wants to have another baby and I think the Snowflake adoption sounds very promising and would like to consider it. Wondering if anyone here could give us some insight to your history with it and help us make our minds.

We're also not blind to the idea that there are many children who already need adopting, so we do believe we could consider traditional adoption as well. Our main concern is always our kid's safety. We know a very small number of adopted children have bad histories and have harmed other children in adopted homes, so that is always at the back of our minds as well.

I’m going down to Maryland courthouse tomorrow to put this court order in to obtain my adoption and foster care records. The only thing is they are telling me that I am not guaranteed my information even though I am 21 and over they’re telling me that if it doesn’t deal with a medical issue or if the records are too sensitive, even though I’m 21 and over, I’m still not guaranteed my information and that makes no sense to me and I want to know my rights if anybody know. also, they’re telling me that there’s going to be a hearing and all parties will be notified so does that mean including my biological parents? I just took a DNA test with my biological father because there’s never been a DNA test done on him to prove that he is my father, but I know he’s my father. He knows he’s my father. He’s been claiming that he is my father for the last 24 years. there was just never a DNA test done on him when I was first born. so his name is not even on my files at all, so would it be possible for him to be there if I can prove that he is my father after we received the DNA test just a lot of questions that I wanna make sure I know and I don’t go into a courthouse looking stupid, not knowing my rights because I feel like if I’m over the age of 21, there should be nothing withholding me from getting my records.

Because I’m unable to have bio kids, I’m considering adoption. I’ve been doing a lot of research, but am hoping for more and more adoptee perspectives. Adoption sounds exceptionally complex and ethically questionable to me, at times, especially transracial adoption. But also because bonding isn’t a given, at all. What are folks’ (especially adoptees) thoughts and suggestions about how to approach potential adoption, if at all?

Hi!

So I am in a tricky situation and am unsure where to start from here. My sister has two young children and is in active addiction. This just came to surface this past weekend where my family saw her and realized she was actively using again. She has been to rehab, jail, all the things and nothing has changed. She uses her children as pawns, however they are currently living with her and do not want to as they have told me they feel unsafe. My sister does not want to relinquish custody. How do I go about initiating this. These kids are not safe, and my sister has taken every family member off the "pick up" list at their school and has blocked all of our numbers. Please help, I am so very worried for my family and am financiallly and mentally in a space to take them in and give them a stable home and life. Please please help me

Today, I got an email from searchangel.org they were able to find my birth father. If it wasn't for his sister doing a DNA test he never would of been found due to so many people in my family tree being adopted (funny how that is)

My birth story is as screwed up as you could ever imagine. A bio mother that everyone knew in her town as the town whore. A family of incest and Mafia KKK and my great grandmother being a Madame. Yep you read correctly.

I grew up knowing a little about her and my supposed birth father not being my birth father. Cuz he told me it wasn't and it was his best friend.

Now 54 years later I have a man who I'm DNA related two. There was a picture and every time my husband pointed out the similarities I started crying and not understanding why? I can say this person looks just like my 3rd child my son. My youngest said you wanted to know what the male version would like well, it's Tim (not my son's name) just look at your Dad. Tears falling. Unfortunately he has passed away and I'll never know him personally and that's okay. I already accepted the fact given my age he'd prolly would be dead.

I don't understand the tears. Every time something is said it's like I start crying again. Does this happen with everyone?

I hope I’m in the right spot for this. My wife and I are looking to adopt we’ve been accepted by an agency and have the home study to come. We have 2 dogs both are great with babies and small children and neither jump on us when we come home or enter the door. However they do get excited at new people and will bark and jump on new people when they enter after 10 seconds they lose interest and go away. How’s that going to look? Is it an issue? They are older dogs 4 & 7 and I’m not sure how easy it might be to break that habit.

Ps. In no way are we getting rid of the dogs.

I'm an adult. I was adopted into a white Mormon family as a baby. My dad is great, but my mom is awful to everyone around her and has been for as long as I can remember. She's alienated her biological son, me, and her other adopted son. She was always saying racist things to me growing up like saying that black people come from Cain, black men are irresponsible and don't care about their kids, and that the Mormon priesthood ban was God's choice, etc etc just the worst stuff. Whenever I try to tell her that the things she and others in the community said were hurtful and messed me up, she tells me that I'm not perfect either and need to worry about my own issues, then gives me the silent treatment for days. She was emotionally abusive to my dad and stepdad too and would yell at them for watching football on Sundays, watching any movies she didn't approve of, etc. I could go on forever. Lately she keeps making it known that all three of her kids are disappointments and that it was all a waste (literally told me that my younger brother could "go to Hell" for criticizing Mormon leaders, no filter or decency).

I'm just tired of living here and constantly being invalidated and dismissed at every turn. My bio parents are still together and invited me to move in with them and help me get a job and apartment hunt when I'm ready. My half-brother also lives with them (he's a year older than me). I'm giving it serious thought. My mom is moving sometime next summer and I'm considering making the move out of state to live with them.

Has anyone else done something similar? What was it like?

And do you appreciate the way they did it? I’m nowhere near being a parent, but I’ve always wanted to adopt to avoid passing along my mental health issues.

I'm in Chicago Illinois and just got licensed to Foster. How long does it usually take to get your first phone call?

Before I share my concerns, I want to mention that I was adopted at the age of four. I don’t assume that my biological parents abandoned me, as there could have been various reasons for their decision, such as financial hardship or an inability to support a child.

As I grew up, I found it strange how I instinctively recognized and understood that I was an adoptee rather than a biological child. I simply accepted it and moved forward, as if life were flowing effortlessly, like water from a tap.

Over time, I began to feel a gradual disconnect from my adoptive parents. I’m not exactly sure when it started, but I suspect it happened slowly. Despite this, I’ve always been thankful to them for raising me and caring for me as if I were their child. At the same time, I’ve come to think that this growing distance was inevitable. It’s similar to what adults might say when they express gratitude for their parent’s care, but the emotional connection feels different.

I honestly struggle to put these feelings into words. If I had to sum it up, I would use the word disconnect. This feeling stems from the fact that our life together had many ups and downs, with plenty of challenges during my childhood. Yet, we also shared good memories before they eventually divorced. I prefer not to delve into the past issues I had with my adoptive parents, so I’ll leave it at that.

One interesting thing I’ve noticed about myself is how I address my adoptive parents. In conversations, I still call them “mom” and “dad,” but when I refer to them on my phone, I simply use their real names. This shift started when I was around 14 or 15 years old—or at least that’s what I remember—but I’m not entirely sure why.

I would appreciate hearing about your experiences or any thoughts you might have. Your insights could help me understand this better. Feel free to ask me specific questions if you need more information—I’ll do my best to answer as long as it doesn’t cross into something overly personal.

This post may seem contradictory but I am having a HARD time. I have no support and I feel like I can no longer provide for my son. He is only 4 months old and I feel like giving him up for adoption now would be easier so that he would not have a bond with me. It also seems like a lot of adoptive parents are looking for infants and it would give him a better chance of not ending spending a lot of time in the foster care system.

Right now I provide his necessities, I exclusively pump breast milk for him since he was a nicu baby and was not able to breastfeed. I change him, I soothe him, hold him, etc. but clearly I don’t love him. I am so sorry that I brought him into this world with an emotionally inept mother and a loser father. I deserve every judgment you pass on me. My family is going to judge me but it’s not like they’re offering any help. He deserves a better life.

I’m out of options. In two months I won’t have a job and we will be at risk of being homeless. Tell me that you were better off with your adoptive families please? That this is the best thing for my child. Cause it hurts.

I always see posts and people saying it’s so hard to adopt but I’m just curious what is hard about it? Is it the questions they ask, the time it takes or do they just turn you down for no reason? I’ve heard of people who are financially stable, have no criminal records and have good health, a good home and family but they still say it’s hard to adopt and it seems impossible. Why is that?

Reading shit like this makes my blood boil, I’m sorry I just had to vent/share. I couldn’t even make it all the way through reading the comments, I felt physically ill/sick with the sheer thought of it.

https://adoption.com/forums/thread/106624/disruption-of-adoption-for-adult-child/

Good Morning, Sorry if this is not the right place for this question. We have a family member that is part of a tribe but their child does not have enough Native blood to be part of the mother's tribe, but the father of the baby did register the baby with his tribe though since the child does have enough Native blood of their tribe to be registred. The question is can the non-tribal family members adopt the baby at the parents request? The reason the parents do not want other members of the family to adopt the baby is the father's parents are physically & verbally abusive and does not feel safe with the baby in their care. As for the mother of baby she has mental health issues and feels it would be in the best interest of the child to be adopted out but still in the family. Her parents are older and have major health issues. One of the parents of the baby has a cousin who is willing to adopt the baby and still have the birth parents involved in the child's life. The cousin is hesitant due to the father's tribe is a very large tribe with a lot of reach in the state they live in. They are afraid if they start the private adoption process the tribe would step in and take the child & give them to another Native family to keep the child in the tribe, since it is something from my understanding has been done before. I am not Native and not versed in their laws so I am looking for any advice from anyone that is Native to help navigate this issue. The cousins live close to each other now as is and talk frequently. The cousin who is willing to adopt the child is the one to propose the birth parents to still be present in the child's life & visit often due to they know that this is a hard decision to make for them to make to ask for someone to take in their child due to circumstance's. If this is not the right place please let me know to where I should post this. Sorry for the long winded question.

Hi everyone! I'm a 23 year old girl that needs a little bit of advice. A bit of a long story but I hope someone who relates to it would love to help me.

Story; So when I was 10 months old I was adopted by my paternal grandmother because my biological mother abandoned me because she couldn't take care of me because of her severe drug addiction. I have a good life with both my grandmother and father but I found out at 16 years old that I had a younger brother (4 years younger) from my biological mother side (same mother different father) who also got abandoned by her.

When my biological mom was pregnant she tried to get contact with me when I was 4 but left both me and my brother after he was born. So the contact between me and my brother was broken the moment he was born.

I tried to search for a while to find him and eventually I did. I asked the opinion of my adoption caretaker ( someone who visits your home to see if you are doing fine and all that) and she told me I should try to contact him.

I told her I would love that since I always have wanted a brother but that I was a bit reluctant to maybe get rejected by him aswell. She suggested that she was going to send a letter to his father (she found out about him) asking for contact since we were still both minors.

Few months of hearing nothing I got out of my internship and all of a sudden I got a friend request of my brother. My heart fell out of my body of how i did not expect that.

I accepted and we talked through messages and he told me he never knew he had another sibling and that he thought it was strange and was a bit surprised (totally understand) he then asked if I wanted to add him on instagram and I said i would love to.

I added him and afterwards and thought about giving him a lil bit time to think since it is a lot. A day later i started to get request of his stepbrother and 2 friends so i saw that as positive but the next day when I wanted to talk to him I saw that he unfollowed me on instagram.

So the moment i saw that i grew instantly insecure and was too scared to try contact him again. I didn't wanna push myself onto him so I really didn't know how to talk to him then. His step-bro still followed me tho. I thought to myself maybe he isn't ready yet or he just doesn't want it but i can't stop thinking that I'm missing out on him.

Ever since then I only text him on his Birthday day he always says thank you but that's it. I want to clarify that I was someone with SUPER insecurities complex and that made me stop trying to push myself on him. Now I'm more confident and I wanna try again but I don't know if it's the right decision or not to bother him again. All I ever wanted was to be a brother and sister who could relate to each other and connect but i know not everyone is like that.

Recently I got a present from my adoption caretaker. In my old documents she found the birthcard of my brother where I was mentioned as his big proud sister. I have it in my living room as the only thing I have of him. I hope this adds up a little and that someone can give me some advice. Thank you!

When I saw this link I knew it had to be shared. It might help a few people understand where we as adoptees start our life off at and maybe give adopters some realization.

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/14XV5KSZSn/?mibextid=oFDknk

I have 75 years of WA Adoption / Foster Records. Who Should I Send Them To? I inherited two boxes with about 75 years of records of adoptions and foster care in the Everett area of Washington state. I tried to donate them to a genealogy group in WA that said they can't take them, legally. I've called the WA state offices and gone to voicemail with no call back. I think these boxes hold valuable but also sensitive records that could benefit some and break privacy for others. I don't want the files to disappear, and I don't want to be irresponsible with them. Deaconess Children's Services in Everett was involved in foster and adoption from the early 20th century up until the 70's, I believe. Who do I give these documents to?

How many other people here are "Pro Life" because they were adopted?

So, don't know where to start to but basically I was adopted when I was 3 and I have no memories of foster care / the transition etc. I'm an only child in my adoptive family and I have always been highly successful in terms of academic and professional achievement. I suppose you'd call it a trophy child. However, I've always felt different and a failure within myself. I have anxiety and depression and have often wondered about autism and ADHD yet I feel like a hypochondriac. I'm aware of research into adoption / fostering and how even the 'smoothest' adoptions cause developmental issues in the brain. I struggle with making and maintaining friendships and just generally feel like an alien. Does anyone else feel similar?

I looked at the sub rules. I don't think this is the right sub so I'll just do a quick summary and then if you can help me find the right sub, I'd appreciate it. I have always known I was adopted. My parents were very, very upfront about it. I have always known my bio mom's name. I was able to track the family down in 2016. Sadly she had passed away. I have since been in contact with my half siblings. Is there a sub where I can talk about some of the obstacles I've faced with this situation over the last 9 years?

I am a parent figure to an amazing human (19F) that I met last year. She has had a really difficult year, with lots of health struggles but has come through them all and is doing so well. I am so proud of her and love her so much, but she sometimes really struggles to remember this as a result of previous trauma. For Christmas this year, we are having a special celebration together and I want to get her a gift that really makes her feel special and is a reminder of how truly loved she is now. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I could gift her?

Edited to add: she is pretty sporty and goes to the gym/runs/rows a lot, she is also a university student doing history and politics, she in general is super outgoing and her our favourite thing to do together is have special days out/do craft or baking activities etc. We also have a running tradition where she will ask me if i love her and I will always reply with "I love you a million trillion" so perhaps something incorporating this phrase will be very meaningful, but I'm not totally sure what.