Welcome to r/SelfImprovement

I’ve never been one for books. I usually get bored and stop reading them, but this one had me drawn in. For the first time in ~5 years, I read 100 pages of a book in one night purely because I found it interesting and amazingly helpful (excluding books I’ve read to aid me academically). I found the points to be refreshing, logical and relatable. To my dismay, I’ve found out that this book is heavily disliked, and the viewpoints of Adler, who’s theories the book is based on, is heavily, heavily labelled as outdated, too simplistic and even invalidating. I was wondering: has anybody else read this book in order to aid self improvement, and what did you think of it? Were there any books you found to be more useful?

I think I’m annoying I think that I talk about my opinion too much and am not open enough to truly listen to other ppls opinions. How can I stop myself from trying to correct people so much?

I'm a 22M, my current responsibilities are working a full-time job and doing part time classes online. On top of this, I continue to self-study Russian, workout 3< times a week, and try to play guitar for a bit every day. Have I set myself up by biting off more than I can chew?

I’m writing this as im feeling lonely so i think this will be the most relatable.

If i had a journal of my daily life that is 100 pages, i think 20 pages would be about loneliness.

Its not really the quantity of people you have.

Its about the quality.

I have friends.

I have a good amount of them.

But when i feel like going out or wanting to go out theres only 2 or 3 i would actually choose.

If these dont reply, then the feeling of loneliness kicks in.

I certainly can erase it , but its just not the right people to hang around.

And in some cases i dont even have anyone to call or go out with.

Does anyone relate ?

I certainly dont care about feelings, but i made this post to maybe help people understand that there are lots like you and even worse.

I got used to it a bit now, and trust me i would rather feel the loneliness i feel rather than going with this planet’s garbage.

Maybe loneliness is a blessing sometimes.

If you were to name some technique, framework or even just piece of advice that made you think how didn’t you hear of it before and it really made a difference in practice, what would it be?

In my opinion nowadays in non fiction books, TED talks and interviews on yt people tend to label pretty obvious things as something groundbreaking and life changing. Of course it’s a subjective view, but sometimes the value of some life hacks and techniques gets exaggerated. People use fancy words for simple things.

As a person passionate about self improvement, I wonder what are the less known things that actually worked well for others. But would love to hear your experience with anything really, if it truly transformed your life

It's crazy how much stuff AI can do. I recently talked to it to help through a tough work situation of giving hard feedback to a co-worker.

It's become like my personal confidant and assistant. Honestly better than some friends I have.....

I wonder if it will become a crutch or is this best thing every made for self-improvement.

I can just be like, what would Dale Carnegie do or talk to me about how to approach a situation and it will do it for me - crazy.

Today I found a new hobby. I wrote in my journal for the very first time. I wrote about the things that I love in a woman. I'm not going to tell you what those things are because they might offend or gross out some people, and they'll think of me as a creep or a pervert.

It was fun to write something in my journal. I may do this more often in the future. I'm just so happy that I found this new hobby.

Hi there,

I'm 28 (F) and I've genuinely hated myself for most of my life. I am currently jobless with 2 degrees but I feel dumb, behind, depressed, ugly as hell with almost no friends and a huge fear of being alone without finding a partner and a job.

It hurts because I cry everyday and I say the worst things to myself. I'm terrified of people's judgment perhaps because I've been overweight my whole life and I can't seem to overcome all of this. It's paralyzing and I barely recognize myself. I lost the spark in my eyes and I can't forgive myself. I feel a failure and incapable of doing anything. I don't know what I like and want.

Has someone been in my shoes and then one day things started to change? What helped you?

Please be kind and thank you.

The only thing that made a HUGE difference in me was stopping procrastination completely, I lost weight, I started to read the books I wanted to read, I got the grades, I eat healthy, and I workout and finish the work out! That’s a big part, I started to learn Spanish, I started to wear my style again. I’m me again, it feels like it’s been years.

That’s it :) I’m just happy

I generally enjoy listening to videos or podcasts when doing dishes, stretching, or while eating. What are some channels you recommend that you feel benefit your daily life? Whether it be self improvement, educational videos, or relaxing content that puts you in a good mood.

18M and not good at anything, not attractive or good socially, I don’t have any skills, I have been bullied and isolated my whole life and I have never done anything with a girl.

How can I make a change, where do I even start, I’m fed up of feeling like this but I can never find the motivation to take action which makes me feel even more shit .

18M and feel that time has run out because everyone else is enjoying their teen years in their own way while I’m still here stuck depressed. I don’t even know what’s wrong but it’s something. I just feel constantly isolated and get bullied everyday.

I’ve been on a decluttering phase the past several months, and I’ve been trying to be aggressive and intentional in where I focus my time and energy. If I’m making food for myself, I have to use advanced technique. If I’m gardening, I have to measure the soil alkalinity, weather patterns, and trimming strategies. I only read biographies or self-improvement texts instead of wasting time on fiction or poetry. Musically, I’m trying to be professional and cultivate a zero tolerance on substandard sound quality and intonation. Video games, I’ll either be playing competitive multiplayer or min-maxing in RPGs and city builders. The gym, I time and measure my pre-post workout supplements as well as timing and measuring every part of the workout. Foreign languages, I paid money for a structured class instead of learning independently, picking only a language that would serve as a useful tool when traveling abroad. Photography is probably the most enjoyment I get in life, but I have little tolerance in taking sub-par photos. I also feel like I’m wasting time with photography which is why I’m trying to make an online presence to hopefully monetize off of it.  

The problem is that I’m running out of energy, and the little progress I’m making towards my goals is being outpaced by time. I do everything alone because most people in life slow me down, or disappoint me. I have a paradox of wanting to recover and get my breath, but at the same time said idle time feels like the wasting of valuable time. “Having fun” feels like something only reserved for successful people, but I always feel like a failure.

As long as you’re alive you have a chance to change your life for the better. Its never too late man trust me. I was hopeless at 24 & thought i would be a huge failure but things turned around when i started hanging out with different people. Life is simple, focus on the good & dont dwell on the bad. Keep your perspective positive regardless of what happens in life. Take risks, take chances. Take pride in what you do and whatever you do, do it whole heartedly. If you fall, get back up as many times as it takes. NEVER give up on yourself.

I've been stuck in the same level of emotional maturity since 2020. It's becoming a detriment to me and my relationships, and I've had enough.

How can I make noticeable changes in the next month?

Now that I am in a relationship, I don't like sharing money. I always fear that her or her side will ask for money and ask me to give money and that I will be ripped off. She has never taken money from me without paying me back or stole my money. I just feel sometimes that it could happen. I also always hear about horror stories. what can i do daily to face this insecurity and fear?

For example, I am thinking of buying a Miswak instead of a toothbrush (that has plastics and is bad for me)

If you have another examples, tell me! All comments are welcome

Thanks in advance

I am a people pleaser and I have social anxiety disorder. I believe that no one wants me, and have some childhood neglect that causes me to feel unlovable and undesirable. My solution to this is constantly trying to be what other people want me to be and not who I am. I'm lying and manipulating every interaction trying to be likeable. And I'm so bad at it.

In reality, I am a passionate, loving, brilliant woman who brings her all to everything. But because my family shunned those traits as a child, I've learned to stuff them down.

My fear makes me overly emotional. Stuffing down my feelings makes everything worse. But I don't know how to change.

I used to be smart in my high school and by the end of it, my grades went low, and then I again picked up during my graduation. Now, in my job, it seems everything is going downhill. I’m constantly confused, forgetful, lack attention, unable to read for long hours. What is happening? I am always in the fear of missing out. I see one article or some content and I am like, “I don’t know this, let me save it and read later.”. That later never comes!

I only have reddit on my phone and nothing else. Not sure how I can build the habit of slowing down, paying attention and calming down. Please help! Thank you.

The best part about books is they introduce you to ideas, perspectives and attitudes that you would have otherwise never considered

And the best books teach you something you weren't looking for

They teach you how life is simple but not easy

Life can really be as straightforward as you want it to be when you mainly focus on what you control

I work (early 30s M) as a FIFO miner. When I work I make good money, but I spend a lot of time at home either on my off swing or between jobs.

I try to keep busy with hobbies such as hiking, archery, kickboxing, bjj etc, but there's only so much I can do. I'm a night owl and naturally stay up until 2 or 3am I usually watch movies and tv shows with my wife, but there's a shortage of quality content. After my wife goes to bed, I stay up playing video games for an our or two, but get bored.

I'm just so damn bored all the time. I wanted to start some kind of online business I could work on at night, but I don't know where to start. I started renting out my spare bedroom on airbnb, it's going well and gives me something to do, but I'm still bored all the time. I used to read a lot, but eventually got sick of it.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do at night? preferably something productive that can make money, but anything interesting would be ok.

I've never been fine with myself. Be it my appearance, my mind, my intelligence. I tried to chase validation by getting into a repectable course, tried to put forward a version of myself that wasn't authentic. But I didn't gain validation or acceptance anywhere.

Last year in August, my father got diagnosed with cancer. My whole world crashed. My father, who never had a sip of alcohol in his entire life, who led his life with the utmost discipline, who followed every healthy habit, diagnosed with liver carcinoma. My entire faith crashed. I'd stay up at night, I left my job to be with family and prepare for an exam, and all those elements that made me insecure came back in my life. My conscience screamed at me everyday. "You're not worth it. You're not worth living a good life. You're meant to be miserable. You don't deserve good things." I'd hear my mind screaming horrible things at me and be helpless to do anything.

I started to feel worthless. I felt like whatever I achieved meant nothing since I was losing right now. My life was worthless.

One day, begging and praying to God, I said, "Take my life and let my father live."

I had an epiphany.

If I was asking that God to exchange my life in return for my father's well being, that meant that my life meant something.

In hindsight, it might seem nihilistic, stupid even, but that one thought made my life go around. I started noticing how responsible I was around the house. I noticed how my parents wanted me to be happy and live. I noticed how I took care of myself despite my mind screaming at me calling me worthless. I started looking into his health and started helping my father with his weakness after chemo. I started losing weight and enrolled as a potential donor. Improved my triglycerides and started working out at home, doing 10k steps, choosing healthier food. All because my life meant something.

My life means to live better. My life is not important because I am working on myself, or because I have a fancy degree, or because I'm being a helpful daughter. My life is important because I'm the only one who can do things that have an impact on my life and those around me. I have a free will that can not be chained by circumstances. My limits are not defined by what the opinions of others define. It's defined by my own choices. Everyday I will choose to defy my own limits.

After years of being awkward and self conscious, I started to look into dating online and around me. Trying to improve my skin, maintaining my hair and taking care of my body again. I started to speak to me positively, started to help myself regain the confidence I always denied myself. And in that process, I fell in love with my stubborn, stupid and resilient self.

It's still a long journey, I'm studying for my post graduate degree, searching for jobs again, waiting for the doctors to approve for surgery. But I'll take every challenge head on, not because I have to suffer, but because I have to overcome. God gives me challenges to be proud of myself, not to test me. He's giving me challenges to provide opportunities to love myself. I'm nowhere near better, but I'm no longer at the rock bottom. But that rock bottom pushed me into improvement.

And I think we all can learn to love ourselves on either side.

So my best friend and I are both becoming shut ins. He has some friends and a roommate, I live alone and am only really friends with him. I want to get out and socialize but I always seem to 'bail' at the last minute. He does too. We even 'bail' on each other because we don't have energy to follow through with plans.

I think this is really unhealthy and when he brought up his work was having an after hours D&D thing and invited me, I said I would go too.

Now he seems to really want to bail as he doesn't know those particular coworkers and doesn't really want to. I feel like this is unhealthy for both of us. I feel like it's unhealthy for me at least, but I also worry about him. He seems to have given up on dating, socializing and going out. It's like he's just accepted stagnation and I feel like, as his friend, I should help pull him out of the pit. I know he's not happy.

It's his coworkers not mine that we would be mingling with. I don't want to set him up for complications since the general consensus is that after work events are awful. Has anyone had good experiences with these types of events? It's supposedly a 5hr 'commitment'. Did you feel it enriched your experience to mingle more at work or was it always a mistake?

There's way too much backstreet to go into everything but long story short, I made the effort over the past few years to make some crucial changes about myself... jump forward a number of years and I've been sober for five years, have increase my pay from $15/hr to $25/hr, started working on my credit, found interests in hobbies and such, realized I care much more about my individuality and selfsufficiancy than I ever did before, and so on and so on....

My health is another thing I need to take seriously though. Getting older and ever since I had my gallbladder removed, the weight has slowly and slowly accumulated so I have zero confidence in myself and just cant ever find the motivation/desire. That being said, no other major concerns or event so I feel kind of blessed so far.

In any event, the point of this rant is; I recently took over my boss's manager position in the print room at this office. Its not my dreamjob at all but its doable and pays the bills for now. I'm not one to deviate from what works so I've made sure things stay as much the same as possible but since we dont yet have someone to permanently fill in my old position, we've had "floaters" come by and help out for the past few months which, up until now hasn't been an issue.

However, in an environment like this, things are bound to happen and of course has to happen on the one day I am sick... ONE DAY...Here, no one directly talks to you so I find out from my boss who's got an email from somewhere else that this person made this mistake and now the regional director is involved and now I've begun to notice (and catch) things that indicate to me people here are trying to get my coworkers in trouble.

So, even though I know I can do this job, I'm just spent. This is going to go on and on and I just don't want to do this all year...

I feel bad for the people I work with who are being targeted. I hate the fake smiles and being in a place that in a weird way asks you to embrace that as well. I'm proud of the progress I've made in my life but frustrated and worried that I'll end up grey and nameless and I'll never know what it's like to live my dreams...

I love graphic design and filmmaking but I just don't ever have the energy and yeah I know you just need to work on your portfolio but I'm just so exhausted with everything rn. I want to move out of this city and have a more engaging job and I've even gone so far as to look up loans but I know deep down that would be a bad idea. I honestly just want to quit but I don't have any leads atm and with everything going on in the world I'm more scared I won't be able to find myself back I the workforce if I leave.

Hello, i dont know how to start this because im used to bottling up my emotions and what i feel from strangers or even close people, i never talked about my feelings to anyone.

but im a person that is so unhappy and unsatisfied with his life and nothing going my way at all

I’ve been Severely depressed for a while now, and it’s hard to explain just how overwhelming it is. Every day feels like I’m trudging through thick fog, and no matter how much I try, it seems like I can’t find a way out. I feel tired & miserable all the time,physically and emotionally drained and it’s as if I’m carrying an invisible burden that no one can see.

In terms of my dating life; I broke up with the first girl ive ever loved a while ago, since that moment happened i feel like the whole weight of the world crushed every fiber of my being

I have an avoidant attachment style when it it comes to relationships because i have been hurt before and still traumatized

I did some mistakes in that relationship with that but only because i was scared of love and getting hurt ( not an excuse i know ) we got cool but she dont want any involvement with me

i still love her so much and im trying to communicate with her but she moving on day by day and i feel like im totally getting forgotten by her

im also the loneliest person anyone could be, even when im surrounded by people i feel disconnected and detached from reality and im just trapped in my own mind thinking how things and were went wrong

I dont have no friends no social media no nothing

The fear of being a burden or being misunderstood is always chasing me, always feel like im shouting in an empty room.

in Terms of work im about to graduate Law School

but i dont have any sense of achievement or accomplishment or motivation towards anything after

i feel like im doomed or cursed in every direction i put my face into

im from a Third world country which makes it harder for me in everything u could think off and my relationship with that girl was a long distance one

Everyday i pray to god that i dont wake up and lately been feeling that suicide is the only answer to fix my struggle

i need a realistic advice from someone whos been into my shoes and what should i do to fix my situation.

Recently, I was offered an interview with a great company doing “”data entry “, the position offers a great hourly rate much higher than my last position. I really want to land this role so any advice on getting into a position like this with no experience? My last two roles, I was working in insurance doing claim handling and the other one was medical reception administration work, if anyone has an experience doing data entry and can kind of give me a look into what the day-to-day is, that would be amazing or any advice at all on doing great in an interview. At my last position, I was there for a couple years so I haven’t had an interview in a while.

So I'm usually such a great communicator until it comes to taking about my feelings. I get kinda breathless, my chest gets heavy and tight, and my first instinct is to cry. I try to stop the tears from flooding but it's like a default state for me. And it's either that or when I do successfully communicate how I feeli instantly regret it and I feel stupid and maybe a little part of me is scared it'll be used against me. Point is I have no idea how to fix this. I thought maybe exposure therapy but it's not nearly enough. I need help please. Will someone give me advice?

Past few days have been rough , and it led me to some introspection. First let me give me a broad view of who I am. I am a 20 year old guy from India, who is studying engineering(not really interested tbh). I have zero friends (not even kidding, ZERO friends). I have little to no social skills. I look and act weird, I stay in my room whole day ,I have been like this for 3-4 years now, I would like to blame the pandemic but I know its my fault.

Nobody likes me (not 100% sure), nobody wants to talk to me without me initiating convos. The only people who talk to me for more than 5 minutes are my mom and one friend from school (we talk like once every month).

What pushed to my lowest point took place yesterday, I got scammed for 33k Rs/ 380 $. It was completely my fault, I shared everything I was not supposed to share on internet. Not going to lie , I thought about ending it all, but from past experiences I know that it will get better. So, I have decided to transform myself before the end of this year.

I will earn that lost money and give it back to my parents by end of this year, I know I can do it. I will become smarter, I will make friends, I will put myself in uncomfortable social situations, I will accept who I am and will stop being a victim. I know everyone makes promises like this and fails. But I know from past experiences that I can do it.

Also, yes I am posting this for validation but I also wanted to make a public commitment as that puts ego in the game.

I have OCD and insomnia. Plus i ovethink 24/7. I just got out of a long addiction (mainly alcohol)

I'm 28 and my memory is really really bad. I need to set alarms for literally everything. Because I WILL forget in literally 3-5 seconds. I forget everything and its starting to annoy me a lot. Have tried lionsmane, does nothing

Does anyone have some tips on how to improve my memory? Would be greatly appreciated

What I mean is let's say there's something that I'm scared off, I will always think about it and I'm scared that it will affect my personal mental health.
Ok, so I'm gonna go to the army sometime soon and my brother just told me that the people in the army always smoke and vape and I should NEVER BE ADDICTED TO IT. Once he said this, I'm in constant worry now. I know smoking and vaping is very bad for me but I'm always the kind of people to overthink and worry too much. As a result, I'm scared that I will never stop thinking about it and actually gonna try it due to curiousness and ended up being addicted to it.
Moreover, I always worrying about future stuff that hasn't happen yet but I'm worried that it will turn up very bad. I'm about to start my car license class and plus this army thing and maybe a part time job. Every now and then, I will have panic attacks.

I ALWAYS FIND THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT AND IT REALLY ANGERS ME.. WHY AM I LIKE THIS? I JUST WANT TO FORGET ABOUT EVERYTHING AND FOCUS ON THE NOW.
anyone also experienced this?