Welcome to r/SelfImprovement

22, have been smoking for 4 years now and it's a pack a day 😬

i'm in day 2 now and shit is getting even harder, especially after eating something

any tips and tricks to make the process easier would be appreciated

When I used to go to the gym, I used to feel a release from anger. But now that I've got noise-cancelling headphones, I can block out most of my surroundings and listen to music while working out. For some reason, focusing on my workouts this intensely brings a lot of anger to the surface. I feel resentful towards others and act aggressively towards my environment. So much so that I got solo road rage and nearly got into 2 accidents on the way home. I love my car, so this is unacceptable.

It's not just the gym. I've cleaned and organized my room recently, and a lot of feelings and memories came to the surface. I feel like I'm digging up past shit, in my room and in my mind. This also lead to me shutting down and raging while at work (yes, I believe I am autistic).

It's almost as if the real me is trying to break free. From my job, my anger, my loneliness. I want to listen, though it seems dangerous.

I'm in my 50s, and I don't know if this is something that comes with age or what, but I've recently started playing the game of "what if." There never seems to be a good outcome to this line of thinking because it always seems to lead to regret (at least for me). How can I get past this? Or stop it? Or learn from it? Or whatever?

i have an unhealthy obsession with what the future will look like. not just particularly mine but how everything is going now with the future election and how dystopian everything will pretty much feel. i can’t tell if it’s an overreaction or if i’m in the same boat as a lot of other people. it almost makes me think about what action i should take (should the world fall apart sooner or later). even now, it doesn’t feel right. how can i escape this feeling?

I don’t talk much. my partner tells me this and they feel as though i don’t like them because I just don’t talk much. I often feel like I have nothing to say. certain topics get overspoken, some topics are just flat out boring. I often feel like I don’t even think that much. I think about a lot. But when I’m with my partner, I’m comfortable. I love being in their presence. I love what they talk about, sometimes though, I don’t know what to add. its like theres a part of my brain that has stopped turning on. i’m just quiet, i enjoy the quiet. But i want to talk more. i love talking to them and i love how they look at me when i’m talking about something. I enjoy hearing what they have on their mind.

Do i read more? What do I do? How do i start back feeling like i have things to talk about?

Howdy,

I am not a good person.

I'm lazy, cruel, selfish, and I don't understand anything about other people. Used to be violent, fixed it, but I'm still dealing with my problems and my way of fixing them.

My brain's fried from something or other - used to be able to think clearly and remember things, now I'm terrible at thinking and can't remember anything except the worst parts of my life. Probably plays into some of this but I don't have no clue how.

Haven't felt anything in nearly 10 years because of how I fixed my violent tendencies as a kid (chose to stop feeling, stopped feeling, haven't felt anything since, haven't hurt anyone since). It messed up a few things and I'm still trying to learn how to feel the good emotions but it's better to not feel than to be a monster. Even if I could learn how to feel I don't think I could acknowledge it. Yet another reason I can't be good.

I can't stand myself for being a male (not sure if it's a real feeling or if it's just parroting what I know a good person would feel), it's the source of my vileness, and even before my mother got me put on HRT as a kid I ended up attempting to castrate myself because the only thing I understood was that I was a monster because I was a male - went off of HRT because I don't deserve to be a good person.

I want to be a good person, I can't even eat unless I'm in a social setting or food is offered to me because I need to be hungry enough to eat whatever I'm offered, I can't talk to women because I am fundamentally inferior, I can't knock on a door more than five knocks, I can't inform someone on the correct way of doing things, I can't spend more than five minutes doing nothing except for when I'm asleep, and hundreds of other rules that I'm hardly aware of except for when they're relevant that guide my every waking moment. If I do everything right maybe I'll be able to be something more than what I am - even my need for goodness is selfish, which makes it wrong, which means nothing good I do is good, and it only makes me try harder. I don't know how accurate my moral framework is but I can't change it. If I change it is an acknowledgement that I am a bad person and the idea of being a bad person makes me nauseous. It's a mix of what was beaten into me as a kid and my own attempts to figure out how to pretend to care about people. I don't deserve to be a good person but I still try to be, that's my only reason to live.

How do I fix myself?

I'm locking up my playstation. Freezing instagram, deleting all social media apps on my phone. I won't turn back till I hit my goal which is making my first sale on my online businesses. It may take 1 months, 3 months or 6 months. I won't turn back till I hit my goal.

I've wasted enough time. Time to move.

I bought a Kindle thinking it would improve my reading consistency, but I can’t seem to make it a habit. If using one has helped your self-improvement journey, I’d love to know how!

Short, small penis, crooked teeth, mild autism... I know that none of these traits guarantee that I will never have a partner, but what is undeniable is that nobody out there wants their partner to have something like that.

This means that if I ever do have a partner, it will be someone who is with me for what I do rather than who I am. Which means I will never be able to generate desire or lust in a girl the way guys with more fortunate genes can.

Honestly, I’d rather not be in a relationship than be in one where I will never be desired. And since what I mentioned are genetic traits, it’s very likely that I will die alone.

How can I accept this reality?

I've noticed that every time I log into Reddit, I come away feeling more discouraged than inspired. It’s not just the usual debates or disagreements—it’s the amount of negativity and, frankly, hostility toward anyone who’s done well in life. It feels like if you’ve worked hard, taken risks, or even just been lucky in some way, you’re automatically cast as “the enemy.”

I grew up with the belief that if you put in the effort, you could make something of yourself. For me, that’s meant failing over and over, working countless days and nights, and dealing with physical and mental strain to build even a small slice of what I’d call success. There were no shortcuts, no handouts—just a lot of hard work and sacrifice, all in the hope that my family’s life might be just a little bit easier than mine was.

Yet, reading through so many posts and comments, it’s like that effort is seen as somehow illegitimate or suspect. It’s disheartening to see so many people rooting for handouts and condemning those who have achieved something, as if success is a zero-sum game.

I get that life isn’t fair, and not everyone has the same opportunities. There’s a huge conversation to be had about making things more equitable, and I fully support that. But the pervasive “scarcity mindset” here—where people seem to resent anyone perceived as having more—feels toxic. It’s as if we’ve forgotten that there’s room for more than one person to succeed or that ambition can be a good thing.

Am I the only one who feels like this? Has anyone else found a way to stay positive amid all the negativity here? I’d love to hear how others keep focused on their goals without getting bogged down by the comments.

I’ve realized that sometimes I get overly upset over simple mistakes or misunderstandings. How can I improve myself in this regard? How can I learn to wait for clarification rather than assume someone is actively intending to cause me harm?

Here’s a recent example: I recently renewed my apartment lease. When the “payment due” was $60 more than the papers I signed, I called the management and asked why, and they said that it was a parking fee. The place hadn’t charged a parking fee in years, and when it did, it was worth it because we had assigned spots and they monitored the lot. The current “free-for-all” system hasn’t worked for me because there isn’t a spot left when I get home from work, so I’ve been parking elsewhere. So when I thought that they were going back to paid parking, and they decided to charge without a parking addendum to the lease, I overreacted and rambled on about how the parking situation was bad and I didn’t want to pay for that, I’d rather revoke my parking privileges, I’d happily pay if there were assigned spots, etc. Well it turns out that there was a mistake - the management company is in charge of some properties with paid parking, but mine is not one of them. The parking charge is being dropped.

I don’t want to be the type of person who gets upset when someone makes a mistake. And I don’t, if it’s obvious that it’s a mistake, but sometimes I jump to the wrong conclusion and prepare for a fight that isn’t coming. I appreciate any advice.

I'm a 22 year old guy from India.. Life is pretty much normal.. The only thing that constantly bothers me is the hatred about my own looks. I try to dress well except the problem is that even though I might be wearing something good, I don't have the confidence to carry it.. I'm always adjusting myself in the mirror, constantly pestered about my posture. From the first impression, I'm quiet and weird but whenever I try to open up in the crowd, I feel like people don't actually pay much attention to me.. I'm just in a state of resentment towards myself and at an constant urge to disappear.. I feel like I should just burrow myself somewhere where people would not be able to see me due to my odd face

I'm soo burned out, I'm 17 and going through tons of different issues, my screentime is above 5 hours everyday, I'm a serial scroller, my diet sucks I'm always constipated, burned out, full of headaches and just aches in general, bad academic life, I failed 2 years in a row, desperate to make little money but have no starting point....I'm just stuck, I'm depressed sometimes I consider commiting (ykw), each day everything gets worse and worse, what do I do? Am I alone? Cuz I feel alone, is anyone going through something familiar?....man I just need someone to talk to.

I believe I started to realize that I (27M) am not a particularly exciting person... I mostly don't want to try new things even if they are cool.

Very often my girlfriend invites me to fo stuff with her friends, or sometimes organizes some trip and asks me if I wanna join. However, I am never saying just "yes, let's do it!", I am more of "Hmmm, I don't know. I need to see" and I am procrastinating with the answer. The thing is, the ideas are usually very fun and exciting, but I don't get the same feeling!

This Spring, I was offered to go for a hiking road trip in Norway. My gf literally had to beg me for me to agree to come to this trip. Otherwise, I was not really sold out on the idea. Result? It ended up being one of the best, most memorable trips of my life.

I want to stop being like this. I want to have more excitement and willingness to try new things and take part in activities. I am afraid that I may just miss out on life if I won't stop being like that.

Has anybody have/had same issue? What helped you to become more willing to try new things?

I (19m) have realized that I, in some ways, enjoy hurting others.

It wasn't until a friend of mine called me out for it, and straight up said that if I do not consider some kind of therapy, they would stop talking to me completely. And this is like a BEST friend too.

We were walking down the steps of our university, and I picked up a small conch shell snail, 2 or 3 of them. One by one, I squeezed them in my fingers until they shattered in a mix of shell and gore.

My best friend turned to me, saw what I was doing, and just bluntly said:
"Dude. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

I asked him what he meant, and he told me he was confused as to why I would pick up a harmless animal and just fucking shatter it. I told him that I didn't really know why. It was just something I did for fun because I like how they look when they shatter, and because its just an animal. It is smaller than me, it can't do anything to hurt me, and I can do it so easily.

I have had this happen and I have had these urges since a very young age, and the more I think about it the more concerned that I get.

When I was 12-13, I would regularly go out of my way to stomp bugs.

When I was 14-16, my mental issues started to worsen severely because of some parts of my upbringing, and because I got groomed twice.

I remember distinctly 15 year old me working in the garage, and seeing a limping tiny lizard. 15 year old me cut off the legs and arms of the lizard, before smothering it in hot glue, basically filling up a small plastic shell with the lizard at the bottom of it.

15 year old me drowned a lizard in bubbling hot glue after cutting off its limbs.

I have never harmed a pet or anything bigger than an insect, and the only instance of me hurting something bigger was that one lizard when I was 15.

I don't want to be like this and I know it is wrong to hurt things. I want to keep being friends with my buddy and I don't WANT to hurt things. I don't know where these urges come from. I have ADHD but don't know if that explains it.

I hate being like this, I don't know what to do and I want it to stop.

I'm a 23M currently developing a career in an industry that requires a lot of social tact. My colleagues are all smart people who know how to handle themselves and I'm keen to learn everything from them.

Problem is, they know I'm a late bloomer in pretty much everything social-related. E.g. No drinking experience. Small friend group. No party experience. Virgin. etc, and have a tendency to make me the butt of most jokes because of this.

They are not bad people and I know they mean well and that these situations should be brushed off; however, I get the feeling that my inexperienced nature makes me a target for mockery that can soon escalate without my colleagues realizing they over-stepped until too late.

Soooo questions I'd like some answers to:

1. What would be some strategies to de-escalate a situation where someone has already overstepped.

2. How would you stop a situation with the potential to escalate from ever starting, while still being casual about it?

Obviously, the number one answer to these questions would be full-on confrontation, however I'm looking for answers more long-term based, at least until a certain level of respect is in place between me and the rest of the team.

These are some thoughts I had when I was trying to figure out my "ideal self" being 32. For some people the order will be different, I would happily accept changes and additions. I know the structure isn't getting me an A+ in english.

Use of time, energy, attention and resources. However it can be boring, lacking stimulation or simply hard work requiring effort more so mental. We assume society runs on reciprocation and fulfilling human needs, whether external or internal. Thus beyond survival the goal is to be a more useful and valuable person to yourself while you're here and to others.

Aspects of life

1. Physical Health: not being fat especially on the inside (arteries), sleeping well, energy levels, eating well so no deficiencies, brushing, flossing and taking care of your teeth, hygiene and cleanliness, not being inactive otherwise your muscles wear out and you break your body by lifting anything heavy, addressing issues early that come with age and genetics
2. Money/Resources: having financial sense, a job, vocation, trade, business, investments, understanding taxes, necessary education and training to get there, apprenticeship. The first two are the most important and focused on, having health and having wealth solve 90% of problems and it gives you options. Though they don’t guarantee happiness, contentment or fulfillment they prevent a lot of the suffering and stress that come with life.
3. Psychological Health: Getting psychotherapy and counselling early, coming to terms with personal traumas, dealing with inevitable grief, learning self control and discipline over desires and emotions, self awareness/acceptance/efficacy/trust. An often neglected aspect of health, however it is possibly equally as important as everything else starts from it.
4. Survival skills: These are contexual and depend on where you live and in what era. Today even though they aren’t needed as much as widely available services mean you just need money.. they are still useful to have for self and others. These can be anything from being a handyman to street smarts, knowing how to fix a car, generally learning about things and how to apply that knowledge, in today’s complex age the list is endless.
5. Social skills: Possibly the most important survival skill in today’s age over physicality. Being a person who spreads positive emotions, diplomatic and resolving conflicts, knowing how to not get used with assertiveness, a good storyteller, funny, charismatic, charming, good non verbal communicator, networking and having contacts. We’re now moving on to luxuries however these are still important and valued.
6. Life setup: This involves being efficient with your life and time, doing things that make it more convenient for example living in the right place or putting yourself in the right situations, getting laser eye surgery if you wear glasses is another example. Its not needed but it generally makes your life better and easier and sets it up better. A car over public transport.
7. Aesthetics: Everything to do with looking good. Working out to look your best, grooming hair and beard, clothes, accessories but also decorating your house, tidy and ordered.
8. Flair: Having an interesting, fun, memorable personality. Having hobbies and varied life stories to tell.
9. Physicality: Working out to become stronger, learning to fight and defend, being prepared to protect youself and others including with weapons.
10. Altruism: This one only really benefits you internally, generally being a good person, helping out and volunteering.

anyone msg me, want to find someone serious with similar goals of fitness, social, self mastery etc

So recently i was just talking to my mom about my future plans and what not, and she was telling me about how while it’s good to be focused on my future and self improvement and what not, to still enjoy my time in high school and my late teens/early 20s to go out and do dumb/fun shit and make memories. Question is, how do i go about this, cause yeah it’s nice to go out and do things, but a lot of times ive had to give up hanging out with my friends, going out to eat, drinking etc. and overall just doing fun things and making memories for the sake of my goals, which is nice but at the same time i don’t want to regret my young years being afraid to enjoy myself from time to time and locking myself out from making memories because of my goals.

Today was a peaceful day. I went through some different things until I went to pick up my cards. After that I went to pick up my grandfather since he needed a ride from leaving his truck to get worked on. It was nice to help out and he was very polite to me. Honestly I didn't get too much accomplished today but it was a nice day. I had fun playing Pokémon TCG Pocket and opening up packs. Then I had fun opening a pack in real life as well. I got my room separated into two now: bags to be sorted and organized and my now pretty much organized room. It feels good and I have a new task as well. I want to get my computer up and running smoothly again. I haven't really been going on but was having issues last time I was on. Nothing too life altering but constant stuttering in my favorite game. I need to do some research and start tackling the problem. I will probably start with that in the next couple of days. Plenty of things to do for the future to come. Nothing too much more to report on but mostly to say I'm working and feeling good.

SBIST was the feeling of having fun playing a simple game. The Pokemon TCG Pocket came out the day before and I have been having fun playing it. It is pretty simple and allows me to feed my love of the game and opening cards without spending money. It allows me to do simple battling until something a little more complex comes out. I have been having fun seeing the card art that the company came out with. Many cards that I hope come into real life so I can add them to my collection. The interactive arts are absolutely gorgeous and fun to watch. It has been a blast and everything has looked really great.

Tomorrow I plan on hitting that car head on. It will probably only take me a day or two with pacing it out. I mostly just need to organize it and do the big things over time finding places for them. I also need to bring bottles in when I can. The car won't take long and I'll feel good when everything is in its place. Tomorrow should have the correct weather and no rain as well. Thank you my conjurers of the cool air. You bring me the perfect temperature to not need heat and to not need the additional cooling effects of the AC.

So I'm a 24 year old male, writing this I'm feeling kind of down. I don't have a lot of friends, i still have nightmares from a girl that really abused me. well I feel a bit down because most of my peers are 2 years into their career and it'll take me about 2 years and a halfe to finall finish my degreee(which I should be grateful for). Anyway I feel really hurt a lot of the time. Maybe its because my white peers ignore me, my dad hasn't treated me as nicely as I had hoped, or no girls seem to be super receptive of me, or the fact that I'm constantly trying to keep up with my peers who are all younger than me, or the fact that people don't seem to respect me or regonize how much I struggle. I don't know but I'm hurt all the time and idk what to do aside from pray. I've always told myself that God will heal me but idk what more he wants from me to do that. I'm hurting all the time and idk what to do anymore.

Ok so I have just realized this at 33 and after being told I’m a narcissist multiple times and ignoring it. Maybe it is true. I lack empathy to the point where I can make cold decisions and actions and sleep good at night. I grew up in a broken home so survivial my whole adult life has seemed like that’s just the norm that if someone doesn’t benefit your purpose they don’t matter. It has led me to cheat lie steal and hurt people. I have recently hurt someone who is dear to me and I can’t repair it and it’s finally something that’s stabbed me in the heart.

I don’t want to be like this anymore after some self realization that I just had a child and don’t want them to be like me.

I’ve scheduled therapy but I’m just looking for some advice if anyone has been through this.

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to move past the fact I’m ugly. I’ve tried affirmations (even subliminals), I have hobbies and skills, I have friends, I exercise, I always make sure I look put together. I’ve been in therapy. Even still, I’m extremely depressed about being ugly to the point I couldn’t get out of the house next week. What do I do to move past this? (Btw I’m a 26 year old woman)

Like, self-improvement is basically about improving everything; wealth, physique, girls, social skills, masculinity, mental health, confidence etc. But is there actually anyone who got success in everything?

I dont know how to feel about this day. After waking up I played Paino and studied for 2 hours,also I,did my vocabs later,in the evening. I skipped my workout,the shower,the vocabs,workout,3h screentime. Ill do it better tomorrow,I promise it to myself. It is currently 00.06,2h6 mins past my Bedtime,see yall tomorrow.

Can somebody use my Umax code since it doesn't work even when 3 people download it? My code is MFNNW3

I’ve always struggled with two things: reading and exercise. I procrastinate a lot, and though I’d like to read more, I usually fall asleep or get too distracted when I try, especially after a long day. The same goes for working out—it’s hard to find the motivation.

Then I decided to try an audiobook subscription, and it’s been a game-changer. Now, I can listen to books while I walk or exercise. I feel like I’m finally getting some mental value out of that time and staying awake! If you’re someone who has trouble finding time to read or feels guilty about skipping workouts, this combo might be worth a try.

I was walking home recently along my usual route from the train station, lost in my own world with my headphones on and my head down. As I passed a woman getting out of her car, she simply looked at me, smiled, and went on her way in the opposite direction. It was such a simple, everyday moment, yet it had a strangely profound impact on me. I’m not sure why, but that small gesture stirred something in me—something I hadn’t felt in what seems like a lifetime.

As commuters, we often keep to ourselves, heads down, plugged into our devices, comfortable in our own isolated bubbles. People are everywhere around us, yet we rarely acknowledge each other, choosing to stay in our comfort zones. I’ve always thought I was fine being in my own space, but I’m starting to question if it’s just that I’ve lost touch with why I feel the way I do. When I feel angry or sad, I’m not sure why—it just feels like that’s “normal.” And a simple interaction, like smiling at a stranger, has seemed daunting—maybe because I assume they also want to be left alone. But I’m beginning to realize that this doesn’t have to be my default.

Since that day, I’ve made an effort to look up, to smile at passing commuters, to walk my dog without headphones, and to chat with people at the dog park. I’ve started holding the elevator door open for others instead of instinctively pressing the close button (yes, I’ve been that person—sorry to anyone I might’ve shut out!). This may sound like rambling, but I really want to stress how refreshing it feels to connect, even briefly, with the people around us. You’re not bothering someone by asking what they’re reading or if their dog has separation anxiety at the park.

Next time, try looking up and embracing the simple joy of being alive. I’ve found that thinking about myself smiling makes my face feel different—lighter, happier, maybe even better looking. Let’s all look out for each other in these small ways.

I’m 25M, and recently gone through a breakup. This breakup has hit me hard, although the relationship was short, and has prompted me to self reflect. I’ve found myself being very emotionally codependent, and when in relationships, stopping everything I used to do when single (seeing friends, gym, hobbies etc.), to dedicate all my time and energy to my partner. I’ve often jumped relationship to relationship, to fill a void within myself, or distracted myself with the gym and 70-80hour work weeks. I’m wanting to break this cycle. I want to fulfil myself and meet my own needs rather than relying on a partner to do so. I have an anxious attachment style. Where and how do I start this journey?

24F. Graduated with bachelors two years ago. Then worked for a non profit in my hometown. Now I’m in my masters program abroad. No dating life. Not real foresight for the future. What should I be doing??

All my friends are boring. They are mostly from high school and college and they all seem very stuck in their ways already in their 20s. They are all settling down and don’t really hang out much because they are busy. They all have careers and serious boyfriends looking to buy cars and houses. I don’t. I moved across the globe to get a masters degree I don’t need.

I’m also not sure when I graduate. Like for bachelors it was “may 2022” but in this country it’s very “when you finish” which stresses me out. I just feel very behind in life. I’ve never had a boyfriend or anything and I lived with my parents while working for the non profit. I just feel like there’s so much more life I need to live but I’m not sure what that means