My ex fiance came over to speak yesterday morning. Every time I think of him my heart still breaks. I love him so much, but he is so clearly unwell. When we spoke he didn’t get any dates or times accurate. He didn’t know how many years we were together. He didn’t know when we were getting married. These are all things he obviously knew and spoke about before. He still left a ton of his things here. I asked if he has seen his psychiatrist and therapist. He said yes and that he’s doing better than ever and they agree. Apparently I was holding him down the entire time. He said he felt trapped since we started dating. And that he never loved me. I told him I didn’t believe him. He said he’s sorry I feel that way. We just kept repeating that. Me insisting our relationship was not a lie and him continuously saying it was. Nothing he said made sense. He forgot his things here after claiming he’d take them. I can’t believe we were so happy just a month ago. My heart feels like it has been ground to dust.

I can’t help but notice in the discussions on this forum that a lot of us also appear to suffer from our own mental health issues, irrespective of our BP partners. I know I am. I used to struggle with depression and anxiety for about 20 years, but got treatment 6 years ago and haven’t had much problems since. Had an abusive partner (not BP) also 6 years ago and was diagnosed and treated for PTSD. Though no more treatment, I definitely carry the scars into my current relationship with my bipolar partner.

For me and my partner, when we are in a good place, I think we can empathize better with each others conditions. But when we are in a bad place, we trigger each other and may even drag each other down?

I wonder how many of you have mental health conditions and how you think it affects the relationship with your BP partner.

Edited for clarity :)

After 2.5 hellish years and dating 40% of the time (yep!) during that stretch and the other 60% rejected, sad, confused, crying, in therapy because everything was “my fault,” hours spent on this subreddit, reading bipolar books, research articles, podcasts, listening to sad songs, hoping and praying for him to want to change and manage his bipolar as he always promised he would, after my work performance, physical fitness, and mental health declining, after being abused mentally and emotionally, after countless sleepless nights, after pain in my chest from heartbreak, after spending nights sobbing in bed and hyperventilating, after 2 ruined birthdays, several cancelled or ruined vacations, every single promise broken, after being cheated on both emotionally and physically, lied to, slandered, embarrassed, humiliated, called “crazy” and told I will die alone, after being dumped 15 times out of the blue, after being taken advantage of financially, sexually and emotionally, after being manipulated and used…. I am happy to say that I’m leaving this sub and moving on for good. I have finally learned my lesson - mental illness always wins and you truly cannot help anyone who doesn’t want help. Good luck to all of you. 💙 I have begun to truly heal as I’m tapped out and can say I’ve finally fallen out of love with the person I thought was mine, and I can see now it was all just a trauma bond and I was easy prey. I’m deciding to take those hours, days, years, and put them into myself from now on.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading on bipolar disorder because I realized I didn’t know much about it. Everything about my ex [28M] is pretty textbook. Especially with proclivity to addiction and substance abuse.

I got pretty attached. The guy was worshipping the ground I walked on one day, I’m not sure you’re the one for me the next day. I hate the army and my job one day, I’m staying in to do special forces another day. Making completely random purchases off of Amazon another day. Being so irritable it takes over his whole day another day. “I hate myself I want to kill myself”. Maniacally planning things on a piece of paper another day. Having grandiose business ideas not rooted in reality of how he’ll make an impact on the world another day. Throwing my fork across a restaurant another day, coming back to my room after 15 beers begging me to accept him as he was another day, making me hide his vape from him because he couldn’t control his addiction impulses and needing a “dopamine hit” another day, “everything feels so natural and organic with you I can be myself with you one day”, “I want to feel like I’m on a rocket ship in my relationship and be in puppy love and on top of the world and you’re not giving me that” another day, not being able to get off the couch and function during vacation from work another day, planning my future with him 10 years down the road on printed out calendar paper another day. “I don’t want to eat spaghetti for dinner and talk about my day in the future that sounds awful.” “I care about you but I’m emotionally detached and not attracted to you as I should be and I can’t explain why but I can’t get passed this feeling. I don’t know why my brain is working this way” he’d complain about constant anxiety to the point I said do you think you should be medicated? He responded with do you think I should be? The therapist he sees is just for intermittent moments of feeling bad and she tells him she notices he falls into the depression when he’s off from work. He become obsessed with his new commander who had to take leave due to suicidal ideation.

And in between all of this there enjoyable seemingly stable moments where I felt I could exhale.

I do logically understand that this behavior gets worth with time and could’ve ended up destroying my life, especially when unregulated and unmedicated.

Part of what hurts is I feel like I couldn’t even be seen or participate in a relationship based off what was going on in his head. And it hurts me that I could not get through to him. That he could not understand logic or see that he was unwell and I couldn’t intervene. And to be there for him through these episodes and ultimately being discarded without any reflection of my value because he wants the next “dopamine hit”.

I recently just posted and got some very helpful advice. But things have gotten more complicated and I don’t know what to do. My fiancé was hospitalized after a manic episode for a week and was released a week ago. His behavior and personality are still really off and the consensus was that he’s still manic to some extent. He’s taking his medication faithfully but otherwise won’t take any other steps to address this.

Now I found out he booked a ticket to visit his home country, open-ended. He’s leaving tomorrow. And I can’t go with him to this country, it’s not safe for citizens of my country. And I can’t talk him out of it. He says now is the best time to see his friends, get some closure with his family, and deal with his finances because everyone will be back in the country and the tickets are cheap. I begged him to change his mind, offered to pay the difference on a later ticket, nothing will change his mind.

I’m terrified. I’m the only one left who is looking out for him. If something happens to him there, the system is much more brutal. I might never see him again. I know I can’t force him to stay but what can I do? And I feel like I’m being selfish for not going with him. My whole life turned upside down and now I don’t know when or if I’ll see him again. I’m starting to think in desperate terms, like taking the risk and going or hiding his passport but I know he would never forgive me. Please, I’m not sure there’s any advice to be given but I don’t know where else to go.

Have any of yall had your ex keep in contact with you post discard while hypomanic? He keeps texting me at least every day, sometimes about logistics but sometimes just chill stuff we used to talk about.

Yet, he still is acting so erratic and won't meet in person. Says we aren't together and posts stuff about not missing me.

Has anyone dealt with similar?

How does it work to have babies when you’re bipolar? My wife is bipolar 2 stable and she wants to have babies but i know she cannot stop taking her meds (citalopram/lamotrigine/quetiapine). Maybe the quetiapine she could remove, but the rest i don’t think. Obviously whos gonna say something is her psychiatrist but i just want to know if you guys had any experience with pregnancy while taking meds. Is it dangerous for the baby? Thank you!

Been blasting this part of the smallest man who ever lived" over and over again. It really does feel like a big joke on you when that switch flips.

"Were you sent by someone who wanted me dead? Did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed? Were you writing a book? Were you a sleeper cell spy? In fifty years, will all this be declassified? And you'll confess why you did it And I'll say, "Good riddance" 'Cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden I would've died for your sins Instead, I just died inside And you deserve prison, but you won't get time You'll slide into inboxes and slip through the bars You crashed my party and your rental car You said normal girls were boring But you were gone by the morning You kicked out the stage lights But you're still performing And in plain sight you hid But you are what you did And I'll forget you, but I'll never forgive"

It’s been roughly 7 weeks since my boyfriend discarded me. In my previous post I mentioned him getting together with someone else nearly right away when he left me. Today I’ve found out that he started smoking and drinking. He always hated smoking. He also has asthma. And he said drinking triggers episodes for him. Well, guess what. His new partner smokes and drinks too. It seems that she made him change a lot. She won’t see what this will do to his mental health…

Additionally to this, he openly admitted that he is mentally challenged and his partner is his caretaker. He is 29, she is 19. And I am 32. He also talked really bad about me in presence of his friends. He told them that he didn’t talk to me since months, that I am stalking him and he also called me a bitch and a whore… and that he filed a police report on me weeks ago. But all of that isn’t true, he is lying to them. We still talked after the breakup. I never stalked him. This hurts…

I honestly don’t know what to do. I thought he was manic due to him increasing his medication dose. But I guess he stopped taking them. And instead he smokes and drinks, to the point he feels hungover. Both things trigger a manic episode, right?

I am not sure if he is manic so that he literally does a personality switch for this girl. Or if it’s something else. I don’t recognise him anymore. He was the sweetest, most loving and caring person I knew and he respected me. Always. Now I am a bitch to him that stalked him for a long time?

If anyone of you here experienced something similar with your BPSOs, how long did it take them to come down from it? Or is this Sociopath behaviour?

my bpso is clearly im a depressed state. he has not been going to work for a few days now. he works at sales job, i guess they require alot from him. the hours are pretty long. he’s sleeping alot, and becoming unable to wake up for work. he’s neglecting his hygiene as well and eating less. hes unmedicated. i just want to know if theres anything i can do for temporary relief. im sure the answer is no. but i just feel so horrible him feeling so low..

My bipolar wife wants to leave me. Says she never has or ever will love me. She sees me as the obstacle of her true happiness. Has started an affair with her coworker. (she isn't aware I know) Wants me to cohabitate in separate rooms of our home and raise our children together. It has been a few weeks now. I can't see her in our home without spiraling and she just walks around unbothered. How can anyone live in these circumstances. I feel like I am drowning

Hi. I’m new here. My (27f) husband (35m) is definitely bipolar. I have known this for most of our marriage and he has even admitted that he is as well. We have 4 small children (5, 4, 2, and 9 months old) and he is incredibly verbally abusive towards them and me. I don’t know what to do. He is an alcoholic. Has major swings. When he is manic he is mean, selfish, angry, etc. He calls my oldest son a pu$$y and calls him a girl. He calls my daughter stupid. He calls me every possible name in the book. He gets angry over EVERYTHING. Everything is always my fault. He had been physically abusive as well, throwing things at me, punching holes in the doors and walls, shattering glass objects, throwing me into the floor while I was pregnant. This barely scratches the surface..

When he is out of his manic episodes, he is so nice. He apologizes and listens to me and hears what I say. He acknowledges he needs help. And then it all goes out the window and he’s manic again a week later.

And yet. He refuses treatment. He will not go and talk to anyone about these issues. He will not be on medication. And I don’t know what to do. Any advice?

Hello everyone,

I've read many stories on r/bipolar about quitting weed leading to hypomania and I have concerns that this could happen to my unmedicated husband.

I (32F) have an undiagnosed husband (34M) (waiting for appointment with psychiatrist) and things are extremely bumpy.

Quick timeline:

May last year: Weed consumption gradually starts to increase.

Nov 16: He tells me he is leaving me becasue he has put me through too much and fallen in love with someone else, he is going to move out (we were getting the keys to ahouse we own the very next day) and that he was going to work on himself and figure out why he hurts me so much and get better, he hopes his life's path leads him back to me because I was "the highlight of his life"

Nov 16-end of March: Smoking weed daily, rather than 3.5g a weekend. He does not move out but stays with me, continuing to cheat and expressing remorse and devastated about what he’s ruined. Makes it very difficult to pack or move because he said when I have moved house he will take his life

He loses his job. Blows money in crypto. Has sex with the 20 year old he thought he was in love with. Begins multiple affairs with online dating profiles. Is seen by crisis team becasue throughout all of this he is very depressed. He is smoking copious amounts of weed. I have taken steps to get him reffered to NHS mental health services.

End of March: I finally decide I can't cope with the cheating anymore. Tell him I am moving out of the old house and into the new and if he wishes to come, he must make efforts to get better. He agrees.

6/7th April: He goes on an agency job. The stress of having to get up in time leads to insomnia. He cries in the morning that he is being haunted by all the women he cheated on me with, in his dreams.

He spends the whole of the next day in bed. He then secretly starts communicating with his first AP. I find out the next morning when she calls him.

I tell him he's crossed a line and that I want to separate. He tells me he is suicidal and I call the mental health services. They tell me to keep him safe and call back on Monday (next day)

I call back. They have discussed his case and will get him an appointment with a psychiatrist. Continues to blow whatever money he has on crypto. Spending hours recruiting people to crypto pyramid schemes.

He is aware that a lot of his problems are exacerbated by weed. He has promised over and over again that he will not ever cheat on me again, but it's almost like he crossed so many lines, that he has to relearn where the lines are eg. it's not appropriate to message the person you cheated on me with. Important: he seemed to be lightly withdrawing from weed at this point

Later, he tells me he can quit weed anytime he wants. He said because of this, I have his blessing to refer him to drug addiction services. I do. He gets an appointment for an assessment and he assures me he will "go to it"

Today: His appointment was at 11am. He has also been taking on self-employed jobs that have been taking his time away and adding stress to his day. I got the GP to write a sick note, so I can get him on benefits but he is dragging his heels, though he started the process yesterday.

The addiciton appintment was late. turns out they didnt have a number to call him on - but offered him a phone call appointment - wtf!

He takes the call, gets off quickly. Told me that as soon as he said "I cheated on my wife" the line cut off. He called back and said the person on the phone told him that it sounds like "he is not ready to quit" but he was upset because he wanted an assessment. They didn't give him one.

I called up to complain but when the manager called me back, my husband refused to give consent that I could speak about the case so that was the end of it.

Most of the time he doesn’t deny he is sick. He says “I can’t hide from it now” but he is also flip/flopping re: getting professional help

He wants to "stop buying it" and then he can quit. To me, this, and other things eg. how much remorse he has shown, how upset he has been, makes me believe that he wants to put in effort to get better. He gets upset that the NHS are not treating him yet

For some reason, my instinct told me to check his instagram after this happened. He commented that a girl was cute. I flipped. It was last week, he told me how much he cried listening to "Beautiful Things" by Benson Boone and I was the most beautiful thing he had. Then he's commenting on a girl's "Do you think I am cute, or the cat?" He said "You" and made a joke about the cat. It's more like a death by 1000 cuts situation

On reflection, I should’ve stayed calm but it felt like all hope was slipping away. Being treated the way he has treated me for months is a huge mindfuck and I feel like I can’t manage my emotions as well anymore

Turns out this person on instagram is his first online AP (probably a pig butcher and my husband himself says it's a bot account). He has since unfollowed. He said he knows it's unacceptable and he doesn't know why he is doing it.

Here's the thing about the weed: the last time he quit cold turkey, I think it triggered hypomania. It was also coinciding with a house move. I can't be sure as I have a patchy memory but I am reading through my jounrnal and I say things like "when he's like this, his face and voice are completely different. I don't know him. I don't like him."

when he withdrew from weed the last time, his appetite was non existent. he wasn't sleeping. he would pick fights with me about topics that we had discussed to death, stuff he knew wound me up. there was violence. He was sicker than I have ever seen him (before, not this current episode), more out of control than ever. He ruined my graduation day. Before this episode, that was one of the worst days of my life

I guess what I am asking is what the hell do I do? I am freaking out, silently at the thought of him behaving like that again, or worse.

I said earlier, "I would like to support you in quitting but I have some concerns I'd like to talk to you about beforehand"

He said ok

He is undiagnosed, the GP will only give him anti-depressants or ADHD meds, both of which he shouldn't have if suspected BD

I read that Phenergan is ok for people with BD and my best plan is just to try to get him to regulate his sleep with it, when he quits.

But I am terrified. Mostly that he will cheat on me or betray me when his brain starts to fry as he isn’t able to sleep or eat as a result of weed withdrawals. He has a much better control of his temper and things do not get physical anymore

My partner was diagnosed with bp2 but I now think they may have bp1 or some sort of comorbidity. They haven’t had insurance so we just got on meds, today is day 4.

This past weekend the day before he finally agreed to start meds, I had friends in from town. Long story short, my bpso had what I think was a psychotic break so instead of meeting my friends they said hi then went upstairs to my bedroom. They made two attempts and threatened to do more so I asked my friends to head out early. I didn’t tell them why but thought they understood my partner was having an episode and that I was just trying to keep everyone safe and not alarm anyone,

Well they are upset with me now which I understand. Basically they don’t like how I behave when around my bpso and feel like I put them above my friends.

I want to try and fix the friendships but that might mean disclosing some of these issues. I do not feel comfortable inviting my bpso to group outings anymore. I know they all think I should end the relationship and because we’re out of state I’m worried they might end the friendship if I don’t.

I talked with my therapist and she brought up some great points that might help to discuss with them. But I just feel so embarrassed, and sad, and I am realizing I probably have ptsd and/or trauma bonding from all this. (Considering these episodes happen multiple times a week but have never occurred around other people so I didn’t expect this).

Has anyone gone through something similar? How did you handle it? What boundaries do you recommend I set? What do I do? Has anyone explained everything to their friends? Did it make it better or worse?

I miss my friend so much. I’m really struggling with sadness this week. This is so hard, and I don’t want to reach out to him impulsively. I don’t know if I’m blocked or if the person I knew even still exists. And I cannot, absolutely cannot bear any more pain or trauma right now. So I’m doing my best to fight down the urge to reach out. But I miss him so much.

Someone please send me some encouragement 💕

I’m living with a BPSO and also taking care of elderly parents and a child. I feel like the only sane person in the room and like the weight of the world is solely on my shoulders. Are there any groups for people in my situation that have “live” meetings? Not necessarily in person, but maybe on Zoom or Discord or something. I’d love to just be able to talk to someone sometime.

My fiancé had manic episodes in the past but not for the past three years. He’s always been very diligent about taking his medication and very open about everything. I traveled abroad to visit my mother for three weeks. During the trip, I found out he was hospitalized. I booked a flight home and finally was able to see him two days later. He was heavily sedated, bruised up, but otherwise, he was ok. And he was still my loving, gentle, kind partner. I stayed with him all day at the hospital. And it gave me the strength to deal with the disaster that was waiting for me back at the apartment. But the next day, it was like a switch was flipped. The sedatives had completely worn off and he was entirely self-possessed again. But he had no feelings for me and my coming to visit him seemed almost to annoy him. He told me that I shouldn’t have left my trip early and that I didn’t need to be there with him at the hospital. It broke my heart.

It’s been two weeks but it’s not getting better. If anything, it’s worse. He is impatient with me, talks down to me, goes out for most of the day without speaking to me, only touches me when he wants sex. It’s like my very presence exasperates him. And I need you to understand that he was the opposite of this. He was the best partner I’ve ever had. Gentle and thoughtful and good. We were each other’s everything. Now he only thinks of himself.

I spoke to him about it. He said even before he was hospitalized, he felt like something in him broke and he changed. He said he has almost no emotions now.

How does this happen? I know they changed his medication and I want to believe that’s the reason. I don’t know what to do and my heart is breaking. I want my partner back. Please share any wisdom if you can, I’ve just never felt so alone.

Hello all,

So about 6 months ago my ex BPSO dropped me like a bad habit, look at past posts for that. She wanted space, I gave it to her the second I found out she was fucking other people. In the time we were away, I went to therapy, went to the gym, focused on correcting myself and looked for my flaws in our relationship. She spent this time focusing on her self in what I imagine she thinks is a healthy manor, going to the gym, not eating correctly, staying up all night drinking and doing drugs, fucking random dudes.

I also managed to start dating a new girl about 3 months ago that it felt like would be a good fit. This girl is also a hot fucking mess, she drinks, she’s fiscally irresponsible, she goes out and shit and I’m not about that life, but I also kind really like her when it’s good. When it’s good it’s great. The sex is solid, we have a good time together, she just needs to figure her shit out.

I had to reach out to her recently for a completely arbitrary reason, and she expressed regret in what she did, said that she still loves me, and we kind of reconnected. Now let me say for certain that I’m still painfully in love with this girl too, and I would like to get back together with her but I can’t help but be concerned for obvious reasons, I don’t know if it’s possible for me to fully forgive her for discarding me, I don’t know if it’s possible for me to look at her the same knowing that when I was at my rock bottom she was on cloud 9 tripping on acid and fucking anything she could.

We met up for drinks and trivia just as friends and it was heartbreaking, I still love her, she still loves me, she expressed regret and that she misses me, I express the same, we both want to be with each other but part of me feels like maybe it is to far gone, we both want it to go back to the way it was, Neither of us know if it’s possible. She’s terrified of hurting me again. I express I want to be with her, and if we do all of the right shit we can make it work. She is still scared and afraid and she has no clue what she’s doing, all she knows is she loves me, she misses me.

It got to the point that I was starting to move on, granted my new girlfriend had issues, but she would actively change stuff if I brought it up to her. I can’t help but feel like my EX BPSO is just stopping me from moving on, breadcrumbing me because she doesn’t know what she wants.

Now it feels like the old wounds are open and I don’t know what to do, I feel like I got reset to 0 the second I saw her.

It’s been eight months. Eight months since she left me completely out of the freaking blue. Naturally, I’ve done a lot of reflecting on the situation and I can’t help but feel like I failed her. I’m not the one that’s bipolar, but I feel like it was my duty to be more educated on her illness than I was. Maybe if I was, I would’ve seen what was gonna happen, coming. One of the last things she told me, was that her family and friends don’t think I’m good for her. She was my best friend. We never fought. We didn’t have a toxic relationship. Most of these friends and family never had a single conversation with me. I wondered what was wrong with me, what I did to make them not like me. And the one thing I know for a fact, is that I took her illness lightly. I thought it was so much less complex than it really is. I can’t help but wonder how things would’ve went differently if I would’ve known. :(

Every Friday we invite you to share with us one thing you're grateful for that has to do with your SO or BP-related situation.

It can be:

• Something your SO did or say...

• Any sign of progress...

• Any glimpse of hope...

• Whatever you feel like sharing.

Let's hear it.

---------------------------

SOME TIPS:

We know it can sometimes feel like there's NOTHING to be grateful for.

The inspiration for this post comes from Viktor Frankl (Author of "Man’s Search For Meaning"), who found that even in a concentration camp in Nazi Germany he was able to reframe his suffering and find small things to be grateful for).

Gratitude is a muscle, when you train it, you become good at it, and more optimistic. Optimism is an important fuel we need when dealing with long-term hardships.

One of the things that helped me was starting gratitude journal and an exercise: find 3 things you're grateful for every day.

So let's get ripped. Let's charge our batteries. What are you grateful right now?

---------------------------

i posted here back in december that she blocked me after saying she wanted a short “break”, promised to come back and disappeared. i’ve been doing really good, working on myself, making new friends, going to the gym, the last thing on my mind has been finding a new relationship. i’m picking up the pieces she left me in and i don’t know when i’ll ever be ready for another relationship. i’m enjoying all these new friendships i’ve made, and i’m really enjoying the relationship with myself. i made the mistake of going on her facebook. from someone else’s since she has me blocked. guess i just wondered what she was up to, even though i knew it would probably just hurt me. i knew it was stupid to do. i’ve been doing SO well

and she met someone else. a WEEK and a HALF after she BLOCKED me everywhere, she started posting this new guy. oh and, they moved 5 hours away together, like two months after they MET.

i really thought i was over her, and for some reason this just feels like it’s the day after she disappeared again. she looks so much happier with him. i can’t help wondering what i did wrong or why i wasn’t enough for her. my self esteem is right back down to nothing. i guess i was wondering had anyone else been through something similar? being literally thrown in the trash by someone, they give you some shit about how they need a “break” when in all reality they just met someone else. RIGHT away.

i just feel sick. while i was devastated and heartbroken because she disappeared with no explanation, she was with someone else, RIGHT away.

First my so gets put on wrong meds, completely flips out and disappears one day. No breakup text or call, just silence for 8 months. I finally get a response and I find out he's out of state and completely delusional. Insists he broke up with me when I know it didn't happen. Gone. Then right after I'm discarded, my childhood dog dies. Then I try working 3 jobs to deal with the grief and I become suicidal. Almost completely unable to work. I drop down to 1 and the coworker I'm stuck with everyday and my boss are verbally abusive. I'm beaten down further everyday. I'm getting sick constantly and I'm not allowed to take sick days. When I try, my boss manipulates me and shames me into going. I was going to work with a uti, staph infection, sinus infection and allergic reaction all at once. I finally had enough and quit or I was going to end up killing myself. Got a new job I like but I'm still severely depressed. At this point it's October, 2 months into discard and I'm optimistic it'll be like last discard where he'll get his meds sorted out and come back in no time. I try to focus on myself. December rolls around and the yearly ptsd comes back. I was groomed and molested at 17 by my 28 year old cousin, around every holiday I'm constantly gripped with fear because that allows my cousin access to his very young nephews. He had a decent following online for his mod he created for a video game and was happily going on with his life creating epiloges for his mod while I have to live everyday with the ptsd he gave me. Long story short I finally decided to come out publicly about the stuff he did to me and go to the police about it. The police interview recounting my trauma in excruciating detail was traumatic. A specific group of people online manipulated me for information and then used my trauma to harass, publicly lambast me and spun a narrative that I was attention seeking. I have been consistently stalked, harassed, threatened and humiliated by these people for over 4 months. The police can't do much since they are online but it has gotten so bad that I've had to call them and make a report after one threatened to kill me. I have been groomed 3 times and I previously called out my other groomer (i was 12 YEARS OLD) and these people took that as "evidence" im just attention seeking even though i posted hard proof of grooming both times. (My cousin literally admitted it happened and he tried to justify it). They got a photo of me as a minor from my cousins server (that was posted by me in 2021) and repeatedly kept posting it/making memes out of it despite me telling them to stop multiple times. One claimed 17 is "too old" to be groomed therefore it was consentual. They've went as far as to speak to my cousin for information about me which put me into a severe paranoia episode. I couldn't leave the house and I was so paranoid everyone else would turn on me I shut everyone out. Around February I started having seizures related to ptsd from everything happening. I was used to having my so around (we were together for 2 years) for emotional support and him being completely gone during this time just was too much. My brain didn't know wtf to do so I started having seizures. It just fucked me up because my so was one of my biggest supports in terms of my molestation and having him around would've made so much difference. I was paranoid, depressed and ashamed. I started heavily smoking weed and went on medical leave from work. When the weed ran out I began abusing Ativan and hydroxyzine because I wasn't sleeping. I was gripped with ptsd nightmares constantly so I was afraid to sleep. I had one specifically where my so in his manic state joined the people harassing me and that kept me up for days no matter how much I took. I eventually quit abusing meds and weed at the request of my neurologist but it just made my depression worse. I tried distracting myself but the constant stalking and harassment, plus just trying to come to terms with my so being gone just destroyed me. Nothing my therapist said helped. I got on Lamictal and it really helped but had to get off within a week because it gave me hives (allergic reaction). Then my so finally responded and I found out he was in a different state and possibly psychotic, which gave me 3 days of consistent panic attacks that would not go away without ativan. Safe to say i used half a bottle in a week. I've been "better" since but I'm so emotionally burnt out I feel nothing but "ok". My medical leave is up (no more than 3 months or I will get fired) so next week I have to go back to work or I lose my job. I'm not eating or sleeping, I'm numb. My lizard just died so it's another thing on top of the stalking, the discard and having to go back to work all at once. It has been 9 months of consistent hell and life hasn't been this bad since my psychosis episode when I was 17 (also the time I was groomed in). He's still severely manic, I'm still being harassed, I'm still having seizures but I'm still expected just to carry on like normal. I'm tired and I wish, at the very least, my so would snap out of it so I can have some normalcy back. Even so, the damage is so bad idk if I can move past the hurt at this point if he does snap out of it. Its a constant worry and a constant bother for me that he's sick. I want to focus on myself but with so many people at my throat its hard to just not be paranoid for 2 seconds to be able to try to get my shit together. It's all just too much

Well after the 7-8 months of a rollercoaster from hell, I think it’s done.

The depression era was so difficult (see my past posts) but the mania is a new kind of hell. The more manic she gets the more volatile she is. I describe it as the hamster wheel of a toxic relationship and with every cycle the momentum grows, and the acting out increases.

I’m 28 f and she’s 27 f with bipolar 1.

Last week, she completely went off on me out of no where for asking her if she liked a bedframe. I was met with a huge meltdown because “she told me not to ask her questions today” and stormed out of my apartment giving me the silent treatment for 2 days. Mind you, there’s no hidden context here. Literally just a bedframe.

Situations like these have started happening every 2-3 days. And I address it. I let her know I’m running out of steam. We have space. She snaps out of the “mood” and becomes soft. Hates what she’s said. Apologizes. We make up. Have intimacy emotionally or physically. Things are good for 2 days. Cycle then repeats.

Sometimes the acting out is worse than this. It’s emotionally abusive the things she’s said to me.

For example, Telling me she cannot be with me because my father (who only recently learned I’m queer) isn’t 100% sure about the dynamic and his role. He’s been nothing but supportive to us, and I’m sure it’s an adjustment seeing his (divorced) daughter with a woman. Context here; her family is a shit show. When she ripped into me about my family needing to like her being a “non negotiable” and that “we must have wasted our entire time together, because I’ve lied about my family’s support”, while her own family has not let me come to functions with her. Truly irrational, and MEAN to threaten leaving me while I was also working through my own dynamics with my family. There was no conflict within my family, I just have my own insecurities. She used that against me to install fear.

Another example, she was insecure about a guy I went out with one time- never hooked up with but we stayed in touch as friends. I don’t know him closely but I figured we might hang out casually at some point. I asked her permission to do so, but never did because I was busy and quite frankly didn’t want to do anything to potentially rock the boat. Well long story short 5 months after that conversation HE’S HER UBER DRIVER. his name is unique so she knew it was him. She went out of her way to introduce herself and made plans for him to hang out with her and her friends. I was highly uncomfortable because I don’t really know this guy well. And I never hung out because a friendship between a guy and girl is a fine line- and I don’t trust that he wouldn’t make a move on me? I don’t know. I’m paranoid. I didn’t put much thought into removing him or not, because this was a non issue. Well apparently because I did not have a reaction to her test, I failed. She said she didn’t trust me and I must be shady. I felt so hurt and frustrated and like I couldn’t explain myself. Should I have removed him? Probably. But I didn’t have bad intentions. When I asked her to please not test me, she said that she will continue to test me.

Outside of those it’s just been mundane craziness. Yelling at me over popcorn. Telling me that she’s watching taboo p*rn? It’s like she’s looking for a reaction from me, to then use against me.

This weekend I had a total mental breakdown about some trauma I’ve experienced before knowing her. I reached out after she canceled our plans and let her know I desperately needed her. I literally said I am begging for my needs to be met. She said she “had to process therapy” and sat inside for 72 hours.

She’s so smart. And she knows what to say. But my gut knows when something is off.

I’ve invested everything I have into this. Everything. My entire emotional wellbeing has been dependent on her mood fluctuating and the last month I started to notice signs in myself that are familiar and not who I want to be.

Sunday night I sent a short and sweet breakup text. She had threatened a breakup earlier in the day, so I just said you’re right. This isn’t working. I’m exhausted and I need to take care of myself.

She’s played a few mind games by removing me on random socials but keeping me on others. Yet again, my emotions are being toyed with.

I never understood why the mania was bad- she always said her mania made her fun and happy. I didn’t realize that mania meant a complete lack of impulse control. I’m devastated. But it’s been such a hard hard process that I have to choose myself. I went through a brutal divorce 4 years ago and I know if I don’t stop now, it’ll end the same way.

I wish I would have listened to this sub 5 months ago. Any breakup advice is appreciated.

Typically I make posts about my boyfriend’s manic episodes. Today it’s a different story. He experiences more mania than depressive episodes. When he’s depressed he’s even more clingy TYPICALLY. But he’s depressed and doesn’t want to talk to me. Has anyone’s SO ditched them while depressive? What did they say? How did they act? Did they come back? I’m not as used to being ditched during a depressive episode. It’s literally my birthday today and he said he needed to send me a card yesterday that he bought for me :(

Long story short for background info. He’s been dealing with his consequences from his last manic episode. Moved a random girl into his home in July that he knew for about two weeks. She claimed she was pregnant. He’s been trying to get her to leave since November. She doesn’t leave. She pretends to kill herself and always has a problem. She filed a pfa on him in April lying about abuse and has taken over his home. Court dates happening. hasn’t been allowed in his home and tensions are high. Friends turning against him. She settled for $20k today after attempting to get $250,000.

He’s been handling it very well surprisingly until two days ago. Two days ago we discussed me visiting and I would rent a place for us to stay. He mentioned this a few weeks ago so I brought it up. He hung up mid convo and said he couldn’t deal with it. I text him anxiously. He says I’m not being supportive and I’m doing this for myself. He says he does want to fucking see me but it’s not a good fucking time. I just wanted to be there to support him. Yesterday he’s cold. Tells me she’s settling for money finally. I say I love him and he texts a paragraph about how he only wants to talk to his immediate family and bandmates, he’s going into a deep depression, he has no reason to speak to anybody else and he will be silent for a few days or weeks and he doesn’t know when,therapy didn’t work and his codependency made him lose everything. (His therapist is literally horrible and I’m happy he finally sees that but this message is still concerning for various reasons.) he goes on an Instagram rant rampage about the court situation and people using him. He ends up texting me a picture of the girl and insulting her despite me not responding to his paragraph of him ditching me. So he did communicate after his departure message already. But no affection has been shown since our argument.

I waited until way later to reply because I didn’t want to bug him. He replied that he took sleeping pills and has been drinking and he doesn’t want to be here. I miss him already and I don’t know if we are still together or not or if he’s going to be cold and distant and really ditch me (and probably date someone else asap) I feel helpless. When he’s depressed he’s typically very sad and not the irritable angry type of depressed. He’s always around people. He never isolates but he’s saying he’s done with everyone basically.

I’d appreciate anyone’s experience with their partner while depressed. Be kind please. I don’t need the “get a therapist work on yourself comments.” I’m just worried about him and our relationship

As the title says my (24f) fiance (25m) broke up with me the day my wedding dress arrived and deposits were made on vendors. I’m completely shattered and in shock. He moved all of his things out while I was at work. I was given no chance to speak to him or go to couples therapy. He just left. He won’t look at me, talk to me, and has blocked me. We have been together since 2021 through what seems like everything. He was my best friend and said I was his. He told me he loved me first. His reason for breaking up was he doesn’t love me, never has, and doesn’t find me attractive. All of those things are so hard for me to believe. It all hurts so bad and I don’t know what to do at this time. He left all of our animals with me, and they miss him so badly. The cats have been fighting since he left. One has separation anxiety and is stress vomiting and screaming. I can’t eat. There are pieces of him everywhere I look and our lives were so intertwined. I don’t understand how he can up and leave me like I am nothing after he claimed I was so much. Why ask me to get married? Why sign leases with me? Why adopt animals with me? I can’t afford our rent and to pay for our animals and utilities alone. This is the lowest I have been in my life. I’ve been trying to establish a timeline of our lives and where I could have went wrong. He said he never loved me, but how could we get so far if that was the case? I gave him so many outs before I set the wedding date because I was scared. Where do I go from here? He told me he would talk to me after he speaks to a therapist. Mine is on vacation until May 1st so I have been on the floor sobbing since this happened. Two weeks ago he told me he cried from happiness for the first time in his life while we were lying in bed together. I don’t understand how this could happen. People who have been in a similar position, how did you manage the grieving process? Are there any forums I can go to?

TLDR my partner left me the day my wedding dress arrived and our vendors were paid.

Update: Thank you all for talking some sense into me. I was able to get his keys to his dismay but I am definitely now in the anger part of the grieving process 🤭

She's back.

Medication working wonders.

I thought this day would never come. She's no longer depressed let alone manic after 9 hellish months, she's herself again!

It's like whatever demon had her just suddenly left. Man. I really thought this day wouldn't come, it's been a couple of weeks now and I was a bit in denial at first but no, it's not a dream, it's real.

The jokes. The cleverness. The kindness. The class. The posture. The look. The everything.

Thank you God. And hopefully the next episode is very very very far away.

Context... things have been pretty stable the past few months with my BP SO. Regular with meds and routine.... this caught me by surprise....

Doing some errands with my BP SO. I'm noticing some snappiness and irritability, but I just respond assertively and let it go. I'm driving at the back of a department store for a pick-up, looking where to go. She startled me by pointing and saying 'there!'. I reflexively say 'chill', which she instantly arcs up at.... It's the silent treatment on the way home and I know she's angry... About an hour later she demands an apology, which I do not offer straight up, trying to offer my version of events. Having nothing of it. Two days later, I'm just not engaging, keeping things civil. She blows up as soon as I'm home from work, calling me names, not-self aware and a dick.... I respond by saying that her version of events is a projection, which I knew wouldn't go down well.... I'm sitting in the garage, not sure what I'm going to walk into.... The apology now is long gone.... Where do I go from here?

To start off I have an extreme empathy for people with BPD, i genuinely wish they all find peace in their life.

I started dating a man 10 months ago in which it was the the best yet the most emotionally taxing relationship I’ve been in. Around the 3 month mark I started to notice patterns he was exhibiting that resembled bpd ( I am not licensed therefore I cannot pinpoint and say it’s just that) upon doing research, I developed a plan and executed on every opportunity I could.

A few actions I took during our time to help him through what he was experiencing:

• Sunday Check-ins to allow a space for him to express himself: What’s working, how does he feel, how can I support better etc., and I was asked the same back. He deflected/mirrored my responses.
• Reassured I was appreciative of him being my partner and my commitment to work through issues. He deflected/mirrored.
• Encouraged meeting new friends and supporting him with his business ventures. He avoided.
• Encouraged a healthier diet, sauna detox’s and exercising. - He refused/deflected

Then came one day where he completely went off and discarded me out the blue. We had dinner plans and everything, he told me how excited he was that morning and by 6 pm it was done. I went over and explained this was a moment and tried to process the feelings with him. He settled and asked me to stay the night. I did, that morning he woke me up screaming “I’m having that feeling again” hopped out of bed and started pacing. I was emotionally exhausted I’ve he’s done this several times throughout our relationship.

I left and decided to give him space, called him 2 weeks later and he was still in the discarding mindset and couldn’t do this. I’m so confused because I recently introduced him to my family in which he was eager to meet as well he introduced me to his childhood best friends that he encouraged me to meet. He also said he loved me but when the discard happened, he advised he said it cause he”felt bad”

Needless to say, I wrote a 2 page document addressing his parents who he constantly spoke to about me saying my concerns for him. This message does not focus on what happened in our relationship but expressing serious concerns for his mental health through his patterns and symptoms. I’m not asking for him back as I’ve moved forward but I really care about him and I know he is suffering. The question is would it be okay to reach out to his parents even though we have never met?

I am not expecting a response

I'm (27F) in a new relationship (4 months) with my boyfriend (32M). He is currently depressed. It's been about 2 weeks of him being depressed and I've done my best being supportive.

I recently lost my job and I'm dealing with a lot of emotions. I wish I could lean on him right now but I cannot. I'm sad. I want hugs and affirmations from my boyfriend but he can't be there for me right now.

I understand that this is a hard time for him. It's also a hard time for me. I feel so guilty for expecting this from him at such a time. He told me that he can't offer me the kind of emotional support I need from him right now.

I need advice. How do you deal with such moments? My feelings feel inferior to his. I don't want to resent him. Please help me.

What I find the most challenging to understand/grapple with is that it’s been 6 months and there’s a good chance he has stabilized / has been more stable for awhile (as far as I know he’s been medicated since I met him) but still has me blocked and probably doesn’t care about me at all. I’m just the past that he so easily seems to have moved on from.

Sometimes I wonder if I influenced him to look in the mirror and see things he didn’t want to to an extent that makes him not want me in his life. He told me once that I understood him more than he understood himself. His roommate told me he still is drinking at times and smoking weed. I always just wanted the best for him.

Unlike others on here, he was never outright cruel or mean to me….he just out of no where left me and distanced himself. Came back for 2 weeks and did it all over again. The coldness and distance are what hurt the most. No real answers or reasoning other than “he couldn’t be in a relationship.”

All from being seemingly madly in love with me days before.

I’ve moved on and am happy with someone else…but there is still such a deep ache and emptiness in my heart from how much I loved him (and still do). It hurts to think that maybe he never actually felt the same way about me or valued me in his life since he was so easily able to discard me.

He doesn’t reach out, never begged for me back. He’s just gone and I’m probably out of sight, out of mind.

The grief is like none I’ve experienced from any other breakup. Things do get wayyyy better though….I feel like I have my life and self back, which is an incredible feeling given how much of a wreck I was months ago.

Anyhow. Love is a powerful force and I don’t want to let this experience prevent me from having deep, nourishing, loving connections in my life. I will always care about him, but I can’t make someone choose me. Nor do I want to be with someone who can leave/discard so easily. Even if he came back, the fear of it happening all over again would be a miserable hell of a relationship. Wouldn’t wish that on anyone.