Does anyone in here have positive stories of being with someone with BPD?

I am diagnosed BPD with a few other disorders mixed in, and reading these stories from other forums makes me so discouraged when it comes to my love life. I recognize I’ve been toxic to others in my past, and I’ve been trying to right my wrongs this last year and have made great progress. I have a wonderful man who understands that I have my moments of instability because he’s bipolar and he has his moments too.

Are we all doomed? BPD is a real mf and I’ve finally gotten to the point where I am happy and I feel stable. But reading these posts makes me scared I’m not going to be able to keep my peace and my progress. Please someone tell me something positive. Tell me your happily ever afters, so to speak. I have so much hope, and seeing all this negativity in those dating an individual with BPD is making that hope fade away, and quickly. 😞💔

This is something I have been wondering for a while. But those of you that have BPD and a partner that you actually love but you cheated on, what was the thought process, I have seen on different sub reddits where the non pwBPDs will throw out theories of how this all happens but I'd love to hear the viewpoint from somone with BPD.

Was it because of fear of abandonment where you felt like your partner was about to leave and you simply were being preemptive.

Or was it a devaluation stage and thinking you should cheat on them before they do it to you, or even that you were certain they were already cheating on you.

Was it lack of object permanence where when the partner was away, you'd feel like they didn't exist.

Was it lack of impulse control?

Or maybe something that I haven't thought of. I know it's probably a very dificult subject to talk about but I'd love to hear your input! And generally the feelings you had while this was going on.

I wish everyone with BPD a good healing journey, just being here and being aware and researching is a big step in the right direction ❤️

30f diagnosed with BPD in 2012, medicated with venlafaxine and talk therapy.

Tldr: my partner of two years dumped me halfway through chemo for terminal cancer. His mother passed away due to breast cancer when he was 18. He never actually said the words " I'm leaving you" but consistently abandoned me( for weeks sometimes), kept me emotionally and mentally off balance by picking fights over things like food, getting into a fight with my mother and refusing to make amends, punishing me emotionally at public events and lieing to avoid responsibility.

I'm now finished chemo and he wants to talk because he still cares about me. Two months ago I would have accepted breadcrumbs but now I wonder if it's healthy for me to even consider having him in my life after what he did.

Am I devaluing him or is this a normal reaction to feeling betrayed?

I need perspective. In 2023 I met my ex. We moved in together only a few months in to us dating. Mostly for convenience. His lease was up and I didn't want to pay extra rent as a roommate was moving out. We lived with two other people. In the summer of that year I was diagnosed with stage 3b cervical cancer. He lost his mother to breast cancer when he was 18 so obviously this was extremely triggering for him but he handled it pretty well considering. But then my cancer came back, now considered terminal. He assured me that he could be there for me. What followed was what I can only describe as emotional hell for both of us.

It started well before I was ever diagnosed. He viewed me as dramatic, even when I was experiencing pain due to my then undiagnosed cancer. He would get so angry with me he would get that tight-lipped look and seeth with anger if he felt like I was embarrassing him, like when I wasn't feeling well at an event and wanted to leave, or if I criticized him for being late or really any time I didn't sing golden praises. For context he's an adopted, only child from a religious home. I'm from a blended family with two siblings and a large extended family. I grew up compromising and he was the golden child, and very close with his mother. I'm also very far from a perfect partner. I can be defensive, distrustfull and pessimistic . But I've spent years addressing these traits and all I've ever wanted was to feel safe. He told me many times that he " doesn't adress his trauma" and that he can only ignore it untill he bursts. I was very candid about having bpd from the start and now I regret it, because it was used against me later on when things got really bad.

I completed the initial treatment for cancer, about a month of radiation. He drove me to almost every treatment with help from my mom and sister. Things were ok and we were happy, making a life plan planning our summer. Then my cancer came back.

I told him that if he couldn't do it I would understand and wouldn't hold it against him. I didn't expect someone with cancer trauma to stay. He said he wanted to stay but that he couldn't be my main caregiver. All fine by me.

But then he started saying insensitive things like " it just feels like all you talk about is cancer". That made me pretty upset and I asked him to please seek out a therapist. I could not have him saying stuff like that while I was going through treatment. He told me he did ( lie #1).

After my first chemo things went downhill for me. The cancer blew a hole in my intestine, was in the hospital for a month and left with a colostomy bag. He visited me maybe 2x a week, to the point where multiple family members would ask " where is he? Why hasn't he come to see you?". When I would ask him to visit me more he would just say " I can't give you what you need" or make very open ended statements leaving me to fill in the blanks and panic trying to decipher what he meant In hindsight I should have asked more questions but that's hard to do when you are under so much stress. And if I did ask if get responses like " it's nuanced" but then he wouldn't explain the nuances.

While I was in the hospital he was getting ready to be a groomsman in a wedding. I asked him to double check the date and it ended up being a full two weeks before the date he gave me. I was released from the hospital only a week prior to it. I had to find and dye a wig, get a dress and shoes all in that time. He went to the venue a few days before the actual event while I stayed home trying to get the wig in order. Trying to get a start time out of him was like pulling teeth. He told me 5 pm, then called me around 4:30 to say the ceremony was starting. My wig was a disaster and at this point I was bald so I broke down on the phone. My mom had to take the phone from me and he was apparently pretty rude and demanded she get me there. To me he just said " it's fine just get here when you can." So I showed up around 7 during the reception speeches. I was so excited for him to see me all done up but when I tapped him on the shoulder after the diner he completely ignored me infront of all of our friends. Like glared at me and then turned away to continue a conversation. When I told him how hurtful that was he said " I just want to have a good time, we will talk about this later". He was drunk by then and that kind of behavior happened often. Like the facade would drop. He told me multiple times that he didn't actually think other people were more knowledgable than him, he didn't respect the opinions of others and that he never actually listened to anyone (red flag).

I ended up crying in a dark corner for two hours before rejoining the party. I injured myself and he saw me limping and came over to check on me. I again tried to talk to him about how hurtful he had been and he shut me down again saying he just wanted to have a good time. The next morning I left before he woke up. I hadn't brought a headscarf and my wig was in shambles so I didn't feel comfortable staying and I didn't really want to be around him.

Then shit really hit the fan. My family were already upset by his behavior towards me while I was in the hospital. He had let all of my plants nearly die and lied about it, didn't thank my sister when she came over to do yardwork, specifically to take it off his plate so he could support me, letting me pay/not paying me back for shared expenses while I was unemployed due to cancer and not showing up for me. The wedding was the final straw for her. She texted him trying to talk to him about how he had spoken to her over the phone and that she expected to be paid for the gift card ( wedding present) she picked up for me to bring because he forgot to get a gift. When he gave her his usual response without taking accountability or apologizing she texted back " more lies". That was all she said but he told me she had been saying nasty shit to him all day( she showed me the texts, that's literally the only out of pocket thing she said) and that he wanted nothing to do with her. I was staying at her place and at this point I was on 3 pain meds and had left them at home so I asked him to please drop them off. He refused and when I begged he said he didn't want to do my mom any favours by bringing them to me. He ended up dropping them off but it hurt that that was the stance he was taking. I needed those medications. He then left our house for a week.

Keep in mind, throughout all of this I never stopped him from living his life. He went to every party, every weekend festival that summer and hung out with others multiple times a week. If I asked him to be home more he would fight me on it. I told him I wasn't comfortable in public only a month into having a colostomy but he wouldn't invite people over. He would pick fights over what time we ate takeout at, would be upset with me if I couldn't eat what he cooked because he felt insulted, as if chemo mouth wasn't a thing. When I was home all I wanted was for him to help me with meals, laundry and company but even that was too much. If I fell asleep after chemo he would go out and be gone for hours.

After the first time he left he came home and said " I'm not jealous anymore. We should sleep with other people". I couldn't have sex at all due to the damage the tumour caused. My issue wasn't with the fact that he wanted to have sex, we had discussed it before it was the fact that he was hiding it behind "not being jealous". Prior to this I couldn't even talk about an ex without him getting upset, to the point where he would snap at me or go silent.

I told him if that's the way he felt then we needed to break up. He begged me not to, that he loved me. Keep in mind he was driving the car that I bought.

Our lease was also coming up to be renewed and he told me that the landlord had given us an extension. I found out later that was a lie. He never talked to our LL and he never sent the lease to our roommate who was in Turkey that month even though he had asked for it. I kept asking him to sign it and he kept blowing me off. RED FLAG.

In September my bladder gave out and I was left incontinent. I was back in the hospital and this time left with tubes in my kidneys. I was at an all time low but still tried to give us whatever normalcy I could. My uncle got the pair of us tickets to a festival in my hometown. That weekend his dad also gave him his old car. He was happy and excited when he picked me up, we had a good time at the festival and on the way home we visited his mother's grave. I was the first person he had ever brought there. I thought things had turned a corner.

Untill I asked him to attempt to make amends with my mom. She came to stay with me one weekend to help me because he wasn't and I wanted to again lessen his burden. She cleaned our kitchen and bathroom, made breakfast and invited him to eat with us, which he refused. When she left I asked him to please text her a thank you for cleaning the bathroom, kitchen and making breakfast. He flat out refused and got angry when I pushed it. At this point I was on steroids and in medically induced menopause so I freaked out. I've never felt so psychotic as I did that day.

Again he left. At this point he wouldn't even let our bodies touch while we slept and would get upset if my nephrostomy bags were showing or if I didn't wear a headscarf. He was gone for three weeks and I had given up hope. I was admitted to hospital once again and all he said was " I'm sorry to hear that, please take care of yourself". I should have known then but I foolishly held onto hope that if I could just be supportive, if I could just take accountability surely he would to?"

When he finally came home I had made peace with it being over but he sat me down and told me he was invested. That he didn't want to give up. Then he went out with a female friend. Two nights later he came into the bedroom and he couldn't even speak. He just stared at me and when I finally asked him what was wrong he said " I can't give you what you need". This tipped me over the edge. I had chemo the next morning and it was already 11 pm. I cried and asked him "why, what did I do I don't understand?"

He kept saying " you haven't done anything you've been very sweet to me". And the more he spoke the angrier I got because he still wasn't saying " I'm breaking up with you" he just sat there repeating that he couldn't be there for me like I needed. When I started speaking angrily he accused me of berating him and then he left. I realised later he hadn't even unpacked his things.

I texted him saying " it's over".

The aftermath was bad. Anytime we spoke over text he resorted to HR speech, like there was no emotional connection. I begged him to meet me in person and he almost didn't and when he did I acussed him of loving me less than I did him, which he confirmed. He almost didn't take over the lease. I had asked my roommate if he would sign the lease with me which he said yes too then went behind my back with my ex saying he didn't want to. My mom had to get the landlord involved because my ex was refusing to take any responsibility for the whole thing.

He ended up signing the lease( thank god) and when we met to sign full ownership of my car over he was back to the puppy dog eyes, saying he hadn't fallen out of love and that he just didn't see a good way forward. All of that is technically true but I feel like he literally went out of his way to start fights and treat me terribly during the lowest moment of my life.

Of course you're going to fall out of love if you don't put in the work during the hard times. I had an appointment with a couples therapist set up that he kept blowing off. He says he didn't intend for any of this to happen but his actions say the opposite. From my perspective it's like he stayed only while it was convenient ( driving my car, getting festival tickets, rent). Once he got his car he had an out and didn't need the relationship anymore. But then why would he beg to stay together and take me to his mother's grave? His actions have been extremely confusing and I honestly feel like I have PTSD from how horrible I felt going through chemo, complications and the emotional torture he put me though. He would also bring my bpd up alot like " I think your bpd is acting up so clearly you're not thinking clearly.

To end this off he told me it would be easier for him to be there for me " as a friend". My last chemo came and I hadn't heard from him so I called him out. He said he wanted to be there for me but wanted to take space. I would accept that in any other scenario but he hasn't shown me that he cares for a long time. He texted me a week ago to reaffirm that he cares alot about me and wants to talk. At first I thought that was 100% what I wanted but now I'm second guessing it. What good would come from it?

My expectations for him are very low. All I could hope to get would be genuine accountability and proof that he's done the emotional woke but I don't trust him. He lied to me often and who's to say he wouldn't do it again just to absolve himself of guilt? Everyone who loves me(friends, family) hates him and none of them want me to re engage. Or is it really my bpd causing me to devalue him? He did alot of horrible things but that doesn't mean he's a horrible person?

I'm feeling incredibly lost.

Hi everyone,

originally, I wanted to describe my whole situation here. However that would take a lot of time and it would also be quite long. Therefore I am going to make it a little more brief:

What to say to someone (with suspected BPD) who split on you via messages (the person I’m talking about is currently hospitalised and therefore we can’t really meet in person; the split included threatening, name-calling and just pure rage and desperation) and then wrote you a break-up text (wishing you good luck in life and saying that they hope you will someday realise what you did wrong etc)?

What I know is that that person needs reassurance, validation and love more than anything and that their break-up decision was very impulsive. I want to remind them that their feelings are important and that they are heard and loved. I want them to know that I am here to listen to them. (don’t really want to be threatened etc again tho, however I decided to not take that personally as I see it as a result of a really bad split)

Btw, I am diagnosed with BPD and I have done some unfair things to this person in the past, which they think I do not realise. I’m not sure if that’s something to talk about with them now.

Also should I text them? Or ask them to call me? Or send a voice message? Or send a video with me talking that they will only be able to watch once?

WHAT WOULD YOU NEED TO HEAR DURING/POST A SPLIT FULL OF RAGE?

For some context, I am 18 and he is 17. Sorry for my English. I swear I can do better, but I am in a rush and it’s late at night and I am very tired.

Thank you for your responses.

My partner and I met 5 months ago and built a beautiful, loving relationship. There were no significant red flags - he did seem troubled and showed some signs of mental health struggle early on in the relationship, but nothing to cause major worry. He did occasionally express fear that we would end and told me he would be devastated. I reassured him that this was an irrational fear and that I was happy with where we were at. We then started to have a couple of issues and I noticed he struggled to take criticism, getting defensive and pulling away. 

He eventually dumped me out of the blue, saying he loved me and wasn't able to be the partner I needed. I was devastated and fought for us but he seemed resigned to it. We broke up with love and agreed no contact for a while.

Since then he has made multiple bids for connection, which I found distressing as I was trying to get over him and it was in violation of what we agreed. Eventually I decided to send him a gentle message telling him I was going to block his number - that there were no hard feelings but I just needed to move on and protect my peace.

He then sent me an impulsive two-page email, saying how cruel I was and painting me out to be a villain. Up until this point he was the most gentle, loving person I have ever met and I was terrified by the intensity of the anger and the way he had weaponised stuff I had shared about myself and my past out of nowhere. This isn’t the partner I know. 

Having family members with this condition, I realised it is likely BPD and that he has split on me. The blocking has clearly triggered an abandonment wound. He has pretty much all the symptoms - childhood abuse, fear of abandonment, numbness/paranoia… I also realised that the break up probably was caused by this fear of abandonment and that deep down he wants to be with me and is terrified of losing me. It made me even sadder because I just want to love him and be there for him, I never wanted to break up in the first place. 

I still want to be with him, but on the condition he gets proper help for this - DBT. He’s been in therapy for 3 years and has demonstrated he clearly wants to work on himself but I don’t think his therapist knows about BPD and it sounds like she probably enables him. I want to tell him I think he might have BPD, but I feel like he would take it as criticism and turn on me even more. I would love to reconnect with him, but I realise that he may still be split and not be receptive to me contacting him or saying this. 

It’s been a week since the email. How should I handle this?

Hi everyone,

I wanted to share something that might be helpful—a non-invasive sound therapy session designed specifically for BPD. You can use it at home with just a pair of headphones. Listen daily, once or twice, and you should start noticing effects within a week. You can check it out on SoundCloud: https://on.soundcloud.com/cqBqMKRYDR8yRo1FA. This is part of a two-session approach. After a week, I’d love to hear how it worked for you—your feedback could help others too!

Take care!

Hi, I'm relatively new to this sub and to BPD in general since I don't have it myself. I met this girl on bumble in May and we started going on dates. Everything seemed great for a while, no real major red flags. I knew she had some trauma and she shared it with me pretty early, but I also have trauma and didn't really mind. Then things started to move quickly.

Suddenly, she started applying pressure to be "official", then she wanted to post about us on social media, then she wanted to have sex, then she wanted to see each other at least 3 times a week. I would leave her apartment after spending two days with her and she's guilty me inti turning around and coming right back.

The arguments and fights we had were always a blur after the fact and we both seemed to feel awful and making up was great for a while. Eventually, everything escalated until where we're at in August. I, at the recommendation of my therapist, suggested we take a month long break to focus on bettering ourselves while I'm out of town. This suggestion caused her to fly off the handle and spiral. As a last ditch effort, I attempted to force a no contact rule for both of our health. After the barrage of messages that followed, my friend suggested that she might have BPD. I looked into it, and lol and behold, she got the descriptions to a T.

After reading how pwBPD have strong abandonment fears and turbulent relationships, I reestablished contact to get some answers and that's when she told me she was diagnosed at 18 (she's 25 now). I didn't want to be another person who abandoned her when she needed help. Now that we've talked for a few days, she said that she recognizes that she needs help and wants to start going to DBT. She even agreed to my suggestion that we have a weekly check in while I'm out of town instead of going full contact.

I guess my question is this: since she really seems to be accepting responsibility for her condition and wants to get help, is staying with her a good idea? Once again, I really care about her, but my fear is that she's only agreeing to get help so that we'll stay together, but I feel awful for even considering that as a possibility.

Is there any insight or advice y'all could send my way? I'm trying to do what's best for both of us in this situation and don't want to cause any unnecessary pain on either side. pwBPD and nons all welcome to chime in.

Thank you =)

So, as I did remission of depression by TMS treatment with 30days I started living normally and happy again. At the same time I was on 200mg of sertraline and 150mg of sulpiride. That happened in february.

In april girl broke our relationship and that kiled me, i was broken, but I didnt want to go for more antidepressants just becuase someone left me. Even its a harsh thing I found my way how to handle it. In mean time doktor prescribed me quetiapine 50mg morning 50mg evening.

After all, in may/june/july started everything while I was sleeping, I had scary scenes, vivid dreams, dreams where i m going to kill myself, where I put so much pressure on myself.

Therapist said, it will pass. and it mostly did. But therapist said, you re looking good, you re wotking, you are studying, you re playing guitar, you are funkcional and organized so ehy should not put you on smaller dose, and I was like: lets go. Why should I stay on higher does for long time or forever.

So wr did we cut 150mg sulpiride to 0mg we cut from 200mg sertraline to 150mg we cut daily dose of quetiapine (100mg)

So all these three changes are good, but big changer, but still I embieve it will not be big withdrawal.

BUT, idea came to my mind, wait wait, why should not do another rTMS treatment 30 aplications. And so, today were to hospital and created consultations. We have deal, that I will have inauguration talk with doctor, and I will show him fom my last treatments how they afects me - they afects me better than many antidepressants. And of course I will show him whole documentation, and said about dreams, OKP on rasing actually, no depression, but ptsd-anxiety,

So i will show them statistics of last session, and they will through that see that I had good answer on TMS, and everything will go on.

Any questions, just ask.

I am no longer enmeshed. But I can't get over how unfair it is that we missed our life together.

I can't save or reparent her. It's up to her and her therapist over 10 years. Ten years in which it's probably best we NC. After that point our lives will prob not intersect again.

But I was literally there when she finally got the correct diagnosis. I stuck as best I could through 9 months of unintentional hell from her.

I think she would be dead if we hadn't met. Now she has a fighting chance.

I love her still. So much. It seems unfair we probably can't even be friends. Let alone spend our lives together.

I may be getting over our toxic merry go round.

But I can't get over how unfair it is that in a sense I * did * save her. But we don't reap the benefits

so I go down from 200mg sertraline to 150mg, also doctor moved sulpiride 50mg to zero. I'm feeling fine and I think this was a good idea. I don't know if I will have any problems coming off 50mg of sertraline, but the psychiatrist told me that there won't be any problems. So there you have it, has anyone else lowered the dose and what were your experiences?

To be simplistic... It's ten years of DBT after diagnosis to achieve remission.

You cannot be expected to not have friendships or romantic partners for ten years. So what's the official therapy angle on how you manage those?

And , to be blunt, is it a case of trying to manage such relations going forward but not ever being able to go back to friend/lovers you've entered the toxic cycle with before?

It's not that I feel a lot of depression or anxiety, but I want to achieve a balance between health and work. I am currently working two jobs and want to go to psychotherapy. It's a bit of a problem that psychotherapy is organized tomorrow and I work tomorrow, it seems that I will have to sacrifice certain working hours in order to devote myself to mental health. By the way, my goal is to enroll in a doctorate next year after completing my master's degree. I have BPD, depression, anxiety and OCD. It's not easy to deal with everything, I still went through a breakup 3 months ago, but here I want to be an example to everyone how to put health first.

Hi. I'm an ex significant other of a pwBPD. We went thru the BPD relationship cycle 6 times in 9 months.

Online communities including Reddit have been really helpful to me in the last few days so I want to share my experience and thoughts in the hope they might help others as I have been helped. And for your thoughts of course.

1. This is a well trodden path with its own vocabulary.

Discovering these online resources gave clarity and peace to the understanding I actually had from the very begining of our co-bdp relationship. I would have dealt with things better if I had discovered these forums before the latest separation.

2. I now exhibit some BPD behaviour myself as a reaction to the relationship.

It is literally mildly contagious. If someone splits on you it's natural to start splitting back as their behaviour oscillates so wildly. It's not revenge. It's an inevitable reaction. Similarly mirroring, discarding, hoovering. The behaviour may be milder and nuanced with higher motives but I'm tainted. I used to be a 100% real person, basically. The horrible trauma of our relationship - the second love of my life - has compromised my personality.

3. My expwBPD is literally a preverbal infant with a separate, charming, articulate and brilliant speaking part.

They are both loveable. But you shouldn't expect emotional continence, accountability etc from a baby. We don't hold the frankly horrible behaviour of babies against them.

The speaking part of my expwBPD is also loveable.

The problem is the two aren't connected. At all. Like the stopped clock right twice a day, a pwBPD may or may not be saying what they think or feel. In fact, intentionality is essentially a meaningless concept here.

The upshot is if I ever get to see my ex again, I can never converse with her about us, or her condition, or her thoughts and feelings.

I can have philosophical, abstract, humorous, but emotionally superficial interactions with her only.

I love her still. But I can never trust her again. Becsuse her word-self will only ever intersect randomly with her infant-self. It's not good/bad, Jekyll/Hyde, it's a total disconnect between the speaking and feeling bits of her.

Oshey 🙏🏾

Last day my therapist added quetiapine to my therapy, mostly for my mood swings which happens every 2-3 hours, and for my BPD, also for my overthinking and overanalysing, so I have this anxious way of thinking. What do you think will quetiapine and when will help?

hey guys! so i have bpd (obviously lol) and i’m currently working on coping with my splits. I have a boyfriend (he’s 18 and im 19, together for 2 years) and im going with him and his family on a week long trip. they do it every year and this year they invited me. i’m so excited but im also a little worried. his family hasn’t seen a lot of this side of me, as it only really comes out when it’s me and him alone. i’m just worried that a week with no breaks/alone time/space to get angry where it only affects me, i might split in front of them. i’ve been making a lot of progress recently with my bpd, one big step i’ve made recently is knowing im getting upset and taking a break instead of choosing the comfortable option of breaking down and taking it out. any advice on coping strategies? thank you!

I left the bar at the moment because I couldn't see her, because my emotions would go crazy and it is so hard. Is it for you hard to see your ex?

I am going to use this opportunity to explain while I am in my head full of anger. Do you want to know why borderlines are so full of emotion? Like a glass case of emotion?

Do you want to know why we are resistant at points? Because we don't understand why do we have to take accountability for something that isn't even our fault. We literally never wanted to be this way and are just broken empaths suffering at the consequences of narcissistic parents and narcissistic people

I'll tell you where my bitterness comes from it comes from knowing that nobody saved me. Nobody noticed the crap that my family was doing to me. It comes from my life being significantly harder in comparison to most and desiring to be normal so so badly

It comes from the fact that I know I wouldn't be so clingy and so sad if my father was still alive. It comes from the fact my narcissistic mother and brothers created a weird triangulation to force me away from him for many years until my mom died

It comes from finally understanding my father and hurting thar we are now one in the same. That our hyper empathy was taken advantage of over and over again. That I now have the impulses to eat my feelings. That my brothers purposefully made me to be his caregiver so I would be infantlized and socially behind

Knowing that this shit is not normal. Knowing too little too late with barely any proof. I want justice for me. I want justice for my father. That I regret not knowing what narcissistic abuse is and I fell in love with a vulnerable narcissist which was probably an attempt to get the fuck away from my family

I want justice for my nex using love for manipulation and revenge against all the people who enabled him and fed into his fantasy. That because I have all these comorobities it makes it hard to exist. To tell what's real

That I missed out on so much. That because of these narcissistic people... my family that I am roped into the same category as them. I hate my mother so much for fucking me up. It doesn't matter that she's dead. Yet my narcissistic siblings are walking around Scott free. No problems. Everyone loves them because of how charming they are.

Same thing with my nex. But me? I'm needy, depressing, clingy, way too vulnerable way too honest nobody likes that

I want him to pay for using my body taking advantage of my kindness. I want all those fake friends to pay who couldn't see through his facade. I'm tired of being in pain

I know I wouldn't be if none of this happened

I wouldn't be such a jealous person... of course I want to included I just want to be someone's favorite without the manipulation

But to everyone else it looks entitled. But I know it's because of the weird competitions my mom put me and my siblings through for her affections

I want my siblings to pay for screwing out of a good life. I had no idea I had an inheritance or how any of that worked. My dad went senile and they took advantage of that and took everything

I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE A HOUSE. I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE A CAR. but no they took it all and forced me into homelessness for years I clung to my nex who was also scapegoated in this way

Fuck my mom for taking advantage of my father's heart and killing him slowly. Fuck my siblings for believing her lies and neglecting him when all he wanted was company. FUCK THEM ALL

I also have modafinil and sulpiride in therapy.

I posted this months ago on BPDLovedones subreddit (which I regret) and my ex had my Reddit user (which I had to delete) and started harassing me till I had to report her to the police.

She is probably a quiet BPD and I would like to find some help from people who have or not BPD.

My ex girlfriend and long term friend highly probably has BPD but I don’t know what to do to get her to therapy

Long story.

I have been treating with my therapist the fact that I have been in several relationships or situatioships with girls with BPD. After several personality test it ended showing that once I meet a person with BPD we strongly attract each other. After talking with him about first my friend and later girlfriend (now ex girlfriend) we ended agreeing that she suits very well to BPD traits and is highly probable she has BPD: family problems at a young age, anorexy as a teen, she tried to kill herself at that time having to stay at the psych ward, a lot of self harm.. apart from what I’m going to tell now:

I met this girl 5 years ago by coincidence on social network. It was a long distance friendship. We became quite intimate friends in a short time. Everything went perfect till one day after a year or so she started ghosting me gradually to finally completely disappear. At that moment I told her to take care of herself and bye (she didn’t even say goodbye).

The things is about 6 months later she reappeared writing me at dawn while she was drunk telling me she loved me, that she thought about me everyday, that she kept my poems with her and all the letters and I sent her. That she couldn’t be without me and to please forgive her. I’m a fool and I forgave her to just get ghosted again about 2 months later which caused me a ton of pain as I made her promise she wouldn’t ghost me ever again and she lied. I just told her to take her to take care of her plant as she named her as me cuz she said she loved me so much and I was so important to her that she usually named her plants as important people.

After this I noticed that a couple months later a fake instagram account which was really suspicious as it was from a girl from the big city next to her town followed me (it ended being her as she confessed me when we started dating). But apart from that nothing happened.

On March next year I was through a depressive episode and I was so weak to write her an small text telling her how good friends we used to be and that maybe she didn’t gave a shit but I missed her. No response.

It was in May after my birthday when she reappeared with a long text as last time telling me how much she missed me and how bad had been her life (drug abuse, being expelled from her house by her mother, between the bad things), that she cried a ton when her plant named as me died, that she had been a terrible friend, asking for forgiveness. And as the fool I’m I forgave her. We quickly started talking a lot and started flirting and ended up with her traveling to my country to spend 9 days at my house. Probably the best 9 days of my life (and hers as she said). We started dating and stayed again later for 15 days, again the best days of my life (and hers too as she said). Then she started her internship practices and started to get depressed. I noticed everytime I had an small depressive episode (I have mental health issues too) she was so mad at me and had zero empathy on how I was feeling. Her depression went worse and she just wanted to distance and time for herself. She was really frustrated cuz she was going to come again to my house on December but as I had my family not wanting at first her coming the flight ticket was too expensive for her to come. She even believed it was not me wanting her to come. I believe that made her start her devaluing me.

The huge change came when I got another deep depressive episode due to bad medical news. Our relationship changed completely, she was mad sometimes without reason, sometimes it was me due to the frustration of her not wanting to spend time with me as it would have helped me cope with the depression.

She finally broke up after having a break were at first she was so close and lovely asking to tell each other good night cuz she missed it, telling me that she loved me and that I was her love to just disappear for days. I finally fed up and stop writing her. When she noticed she just broke up. Apart from the cruelty from the break, giving me fake hope, she was extremely cruel saying I was making her life miserable and that I was just a lazy person for having depression (my depression is weird and I can only rely on meds and literally can’t do anything to get better).

Things ended quite bad with me ending at the psych ward cuz i couldn’t handle the person I loved the most hated me so much from sudden.

The thing is my therapist half obliged me to send her a letter to cut ties. In that letter I tried to convince her to go to a therapist as she has a high probability of having an mental health issue (without mentioning BPD). My psychiatrist who knew her since the day we met and knew all she did apart from what she told me about her past said he was absolutely sure she could have BPD. She got so mad telling me i was calling her crazy. It’s true that I was mad in the letter as she had been so damn cruel with me, I asked her to burn my letters and poems and to sell all the books I gave her, also my shirt and a videogame I gave her for her birthday (specified that but later she took that as deleting everything we shared and was so cruel with me too). She was so mean to me since then. Note: she blocked me when the harassing I mentioned before, that was after this post was published, and I blocked her everywhere. She posted on my mental disorder subreddit for SO that I was obsessed with her (without saying I have been on medication and therapy for 8 years and completely stable, and making me look as a crazy dude who could harm her, and she was literally saying it was me the one with BPD (I was so damn affected I ended up asking my psychiatrist if that was possible and he told me I’m the opposite of someone with BPD) manipulating a lot of things) cuz I was “crying” on WhatsApp status, Reddit (that’s when she admitted she had my user which was impossible to have it unless she took my phone while sleeping), and Spotify where I made childish playlists and added a pic on her on a breakup playlist I made just to make her mad cuz I was mad. The thing is she could have just blocked me everywhere if I was obsessed with her, she was looking continuously my social networks to see if I was crying for her.

She really needs to go to a therapist. I want her to be okey, even if it’s without me in her life. I cried from day to day because it makes me very sad seeing her like that. Highly dysfunctional as my psychiatrist told me. Note: after all these months I don’t have any hope.

As most of people, no one around her knows about mental illnesses and less about BPD. Also her only and best friend doesn’t see the problem as she is not a very stable person doing also drugs (her boyfriend made her move to a city 2 hours away from my friend as I believe he noticed my friend is a bad influence cuz before dating both, the boyfriend and the friend of my friend, lived in the same city and that’s quite weird).

My friend is probable a quiet BPD and doesn’t see the problem and probably believes is everyone except her. She lost all her friends except her only friend and she believes is everybody fault and not her.

Trust me, I’m not perfect and maybe when we broke up I did a lot of wrong things, but as a friend I was the best friend I could be and she ghosted me twice even I treated her with so much love.

I’m really concerned cuz she probably went back doing “a ton of drugs to cope” as she told me before dating (she stopped doing drugs when we started dating).

I’m really scared about what could happen with her. She has a really bad past, her family can’t help her too much as they are also on drugs (except her mom) and I’m scared she could even die at some point from an overdose. Also I’m really worried cuz she will be her whole life doing to someone else what she did to me and probably having a bad time over and over again. My psychiatrist just told me to make me feel less sad about this situation that around 40 she will have a better life as her BPD will be a mild version of what she has now. Still worried.

I don’t mind not getting back together even if I wanted. I want my friend to be okey and to be able to have a regular relationship with her and her with other people in the future.

What can I do now that we have been in No Contact for almost 4 months? The sorrow I have for not being able to help her kills me.

I have decided that by her birthday I will send her a goodbye letter saying sorry for all I think I did bad and for the things she said I made her life miserable. I will add all the poems I wrote her while dating and during the mourning to compensate telling her to burn my letters and poems. I want to end things well as I still love and appreciate her as she has been in my life for so long.

I wish she was aware about her mental illness and went to therapy as I know she could be a functional person and have a normal life. By now I can only take her out of my life and it hurts so damn much. The person I loved the most and who made me cry the most during these 5 years of friendship and dating.

I perfectly know that if she found out this post she would be so damn mad and would hate me even more she does now if that’s possible.

To those of you who have a quiet BPD, will she ever notice? Will she be okey? I know being in trouble and doing drugs doesn’t seem very promising. I love her as a person cuz I know she can be the nicest girl I know and a really valuable person, but she needs help.

Thanks for those who’ve read all this and for those who comment