For context, my brother is 20 and I'm 21. He has Down Syndrome and is non-verbal and pretty limited mobility-wise. I've also always been told since I was younger that I would eventually become his full-time caretaker, and my mom was so serious about this that she urged me not to date or get attached to people because "my brother should be my top priority."

I, of course, care for my brother on a human level. I want him to have the best housing, go to the movies, be with his friends, and eat the food he likes, and I do my best to help make that happen for him, but I don't feel like he and I are siblings. Other siblings I know are really close and I just feel like I've always been an only child. I can't really talk to him about anything since he can't talk, and he and I don't like to do the same things, so we don't have activities to bond over, either. All he really likes to do is watch TV and color, which is great for him, but I just don't see doing that as helping us form some deep bond.

I'm moving out of state soon, and I don't plan on staying in contact with my family (only my mother is left; my dad passed away recently) because my mom was physically abusive of me when I was younger and now is verbally and emotionally abusive of me. I feel disgusted with myself for leaving my brother with her, but she's never been physical with him that I know of. I also just don't think I could care for him on my own while getting a degree; my mom hasn't worked a full-time job in 20 years because he requires around-the-clock care that I simply could not provide at my age or with my workload.

I don't know; I know it's wrong of me to not take care of him, but I guess my internal feelings, as gross and inhumane as they are, are that I got lucky being born neurotypical (my parents were like almost 50 when they had us) and that if I can get out and away from my mom, I should, even if that means leaving my brother who didn't do anything wrong.

I guess I was just wondering if anyone had any advice or similar experience. I'm sorry if my post came off as mean-hearted; I really don't mean for it to.

TW for sexual harassment

I (16F) have an autistic brother (10M) who functions on a toddler level. we've had many struggles and we do all we can for him but over the past year he has grown a habbit of grabbing boobs, I know he dosent fully understand but he always talks to himself saying "That's inappropriate" after or before doing it, he knows to do it to women and try to do it while my dad can't see but he has seen it. ive brought this up with both my dad and stepmom and they say the same thing as they do for all if his concerns. either "we'll work on it "or "we'll bring that up with his therapist" but noting ever changes it's been a year of this and I don't know what to do i don't wanna be Grabbed like that by my brother but he just dosent ever listen and today i had to restrain him from doing it to my grandmother. I need any type of help on getting him to stop or getting my parents to listen.

Hello all, I am a 24 y/o female. I moved out of my mother's house at 19 once and for all. For years, (13 to be exact) my brother (22) has been extremely violent and paranoid due to undiagnosed Schizophrenia. He has been extremely verbally, psychologically and physically abusive to myself, my mother, and sisters. Recently, he was diagnosed with schizophrenia after several outbursts at work and was hospitalized. I have not spoken to my brother for nearly 6 years after he had an episode and accuse my mother and of being pedophiles. I love my brother, despite his challenges, but that is not something I have the heart to constantly be accused of. I have attempted to reconcile but have been ignored and I gave up for good. My brother has been traveling the country with my older sister. My father who is an alcoholic has nearly given up on my brother. My mother pulled me aside one day when I visited her house and told me that some day I will need to care for my brother and make medical decisions for him because she will not be here forever. I told her flat out "no" My parents are in their 50's and continue to enable my brother's drug and alcohol usage and have been more than abusive to me. I recently in 2021, met my current boyfriend. We now have an apartment together, I am in nursing school and he is in engineering school. I have so many responsibilities on my plate to catch up from the neglect of my parents and now they are pawning off this responsibility of my brother onto me. How do I handle and legally protect myself here. I have been too kind and this is where I draw the line.

Hi,

My brother and i dont really connect much and i want to change that by communicating how i feel with him about our one sided conversations. I really want to send my brother something that can help him with how to improve his conversation skills because right now our last 30 or so messages are just him sending me something he did or saw or bought and saying it's a one-sided conversation would be a huge understatement.

Right now he texts me all the time and doesn't really ask me how I'm doing or engage me in the conversations, he just seems to text small details or things that happened in his day. When I was younger I would just go along with it to be nice but I realize that by not giving him better feedback, I might have missed out on opportunities to help him grow and socialize better. It feels like our family has sort of just infantalized him and treated him with kid gloves instead of guiding him on how to chat with people.

Does anyone have any resources like videos or a website I can send him that can help someone with autism learn to engage other people in the conversation? Any advice you found golden or told by a really charismatic teacher? I tried searching on YouTube but a lot of the results were clickbaity dating advice. Has any video or resource helped you in your own life or anything that I can share?

Ps I am also on the spectrum as well but we are very different in this way

Thank you

Is anyone else not an adventurous person that may be due to having a sibling with a disability? For me, I realized this characteristic of mine of not being adventurous enough stems from not wanting add extra stress to my parents. Growing up, I had a friends who would go diving, and swimming in deep lakes, zip line you name it. Whenever they asked me to join, the idea of it sounds nice but I was always too scared to do so. Then it hit me as to why I felt that way and thats because my parents would always emphasize for me to not get hurt growing up because they already have enough hospital visits to take care of with my sister so I made it a mission to not break a bone or do something stupid. We didnt do anything adventurous growing up as a family ever either. My parents always warned me to never go on rollercoasters or go swimming in lakes or do anything that would potentially put me in harms way. This way of thinking has transcended into my adulthood where I now am a non-adventurous adult who hates taking risks . Has anyone else gone through this?

I wanted to make a post about a series of events that have led to a very toxic living situation. My wife and I (28 and 30) made the decision to buy a house in June 2023 and have her brother (John 19), who has severe autism with low cognition and is non-verbal, and mother (53) live with us. Because her mother is the full time caregiver and has no way to support herself financially, we felt it was the right thing to do with the idea that it may also improve my John's behaviors having more indoor and outdoor space than an apartment.

Things were going better than expected. There were obviously the bad days every now and then with John, but overall, it seemed like this situation was going to work as a long term solution. It was the beginning of January 2024 that John had a really rough stretch where his behaviors worsened. He wasn't sleeping well, would stomp aggressively around the house, yell pretty much from the moment he woke up to the moment he would go to bed, and sometimes would be aggressive towards us. It took a toll on all of us and we couldn't find anything to get him to calm down. Then, February 1st, while my wife and I are at work and the mother and John are home alone, he has a seizure shortly after taking a shower. This was the first time this has ever happened so we were all in a state of shock and heartbroken.

We took him to the hospital once he woke up and was more alert after the seizure. We read that seizures can be a very exhausting experience and once we knew he was okay, we just let him rest before taking him. The hospital set up appointments to run tests and see if this was a sign of epilepsy or if there was a way to figure out what the trigger for the seizure was. Because John has a hard time sitting still, the tests could not produce definitive results and he had to be awake - just imagine trying to hold him down and also keep him calm while he has wires attached to his head. We had read there are new studies about the effects of medical marijuana and how it can help prevent seizures and reduce anxiety, which he struggles with constantly. We were able to obtain the card on his behalf through a doctor.

The time after the seizure is when things started to take a turn for the worse with my wife's mom. She couldn't sleep and was constantly following John around the house. She refused to be in the house alone so my wife and I decided to alternate which days we went to work. Then the arguments started because she did not want to go through with the medical marijuana. Her idea was that she read there is a small risk it can cause another seizure and it was too extreme compared to the CBD he is already taking. So for the next 4 months until June, my wife and I would rarely go out and whenever we did, even if it was for an hour or two, the mother needed to have someone at the house or we could not leave. Also during this time, she would not really speak with us because she was so wrapped in her own fear. We would try to get her to sit and eat with us so she had someone to talk to, but most of the time she just wanted to be alone, which was confusing because she also didn't want us to leave the house.

This eventually boiled over because we felt we were providing as much support as possible, but were not being given much compromise in return. We had a huge argument and aired out all our frustrations. In the mom's eyes, she thought we should be grateful we even have the freedom to go outside for more than an hour or two. We expressed we wanted the same for her, but she doesn't let herself have a break. She saw it as we just wanted to "wash our hands" of the situation by recommending things like life alert, installing cameras in the house so we know where John is and don't have to follow him, etc., basically saying we just want to go out for hours at a time. Meanwhile, we are just trying to argue that we want to not have to feel guilty for leaving the house for an hour or two if my wife and I want to grab dinner or go to a farmer's market. My wife and the mom eventually got into another argument where even our marriage was brought up and the mom said things like "you two only makeup in arguments under the covers" or "he only wants to be with you for the money" - things that are just completely false and only meant to try and hurt us.

For the next few months until November 2024, my wife and I rarely talked to her mom, but we still tried to provide what we could for John despite that fight. Then, my wife and I decided to install another camera in a room that John likes to go in just to be sure we have eyes anywhere we can. The mom once again took that as an insult saying we're just trying to spy on her. This time, only my wife and the mom argued, to the point that the mom absolutely does not want to live not only in the house, but wants to take John and move back to Colombia where the mom's family lives. This is a family that has never met John in person and John has never been to Colombia. Here in the USA, my wife and I know the programs are also better for John for things like assisted living, occupational therapy, medical care, etc. The mom never had any intention of having John go back to school (she pulled him out for homeschooling after covid due to "weak immune system" and fear of him getting sick and having adverse behaviors) or even go into assisted living. She assumes that she'll be able to care for him forever and has said "I'll leave it up to god when I die" - referring to how John will be taken care of after she passes away.

My wife and I are in a difficult spot deciding whether we should let the mom take John to Colombia or take legal to keep John here (my wife is co guardian and we believe we have the right to fight it if we want). The problem is we feel by fighting it, we are only going to make the situation worse and cause the mom to do something even more drastic. I want to know anyone else's thoughts on this situation. I hate saying "pick a side", but I'm curious if anyone can see it from both sides or just one side of the argument. Thanks for reading this far and sorry for the long post.

I have a 32 year old brother who I suspect might have ASD. He has no formal diagnosis as my mom avoided "labeling" her kids when she raised us (IE she talks about how my other brother would have been diagnosed with ADHD if he were put in school younger but as an adult we all suspect he does in fact have ADHD). Since becoming a mom myself, I have had my own child with a rare disability (spontaneous and unrelated to ASD). Since then, I have learned a lot about different diagnosis and symptoms etc. Some reasons I have suspected he has something like ASD is little things like he has stimmed by drumming his fingers since he was a little kid. It would get him in trouble at karate, in church, school, etc. he also will quote movies but it turns into what I have come to learn is scripting. He also breaks out in song (possibly a vocal stim of some sort because he will do this at family gatherings when everyone is trying to sit around and have a conversation).

Because he has never had a diagnosis, my siblings and I have mostly just gotten irritated with these behaviors and demanded he cuts it out. I guess my question is what can be done to be more helpful towards him in these situations like around the holidays? I do not feel comfortable bringing it up to him because in the past he has been hostile about any such medical topics about himself (not specific to a possible ASD topic but other health issues). He also has tendency to be very normal in one on one conversation but then later when in a social setting he might get stressed and bring up that personal conversation to sort of lash out so it's hard for me to have many heart to hearts with him.

I, personally, could use some advice for how to better handle these stims. Growing up, if he began scripting a movie or something generally I would ignore it because he will stare at you and if you engage he will carry it on longer. Same with singing (as in we are talking about something like our day and he breaks into a song if you stop talking and look at him he would just keep signing and going on despite the fact it's out of place and disruptive and frustrates the people trying to have a conversation). Typically, I would just avoid eye contact and he eventually stops and moves on. He just doesn't seem to fully understand social cues. Does anyone have any better suggestions for how to handle these situations?

Recently, my other brother has had to tell his preteen son he cannot argue with my 32 YO brother because he tends to bait people into arguements and my other brother finally just told his son he's not allowed to argue with adults so to just ignore him.

I just feel like if he had a diagnosis he could have been better supported by family early on but now that we are all adults it's a lot more complicated navigating it especially without a diagnosis of any kind as it's basically just my own speculation. I have no idea if he suspects he has something like that or not. He is really intelligent, has a full time job, but he does still live at home. He could live on his own independently but I think he is just scared.

Anyway, I would take any positive advice from anyone with an adult sibling diagnosed or like us who is undiagnosed but you are starting to realize they just might not be typical. My entire family has been so supportive of my son I just wish we could better support my brother instead of having constant conflict with him. How can we improve family gatherings??

Not sure if this is the right place for this. My mom (55) is the main caregiver for my younger (29) brother with ASD. He's non-verbal and is living at home. I think my mom is struggling to get the support she needs and it's hard to watch. Bro is great, but his bad days are exhausting for everyone and some days it's a lot to deal with.

Any advice/support groups I can give my mom? Thanks in advance.

Advice of what to do for my mentally handicapped sister

I have a mentally handicapped sister. We live in the US and throughout my life I’ve experienced her abuse my mom and me. My mom had done unfortunately not enough to prepare for my sister as when we were adopted my mom didn’t know she was mentally handicapped. My sister has an IQ level of a kindergartner, and does have explosive reactions, calls the cops all the time, and gets baker acted often. As my mom grows older and I turn 21 I am starting to think of my sister in a way I haven’t before. I cannot care for her when my mom passes I just can’t. None of my family members will either. She’s in a program to get into housing but my mom has recently admitted people have been on that list for more than 16 years, and the only way a spot opens up is if someone dies. I’m at a loss. I’m starting to have nightmares about my sister getting abused on the street, horrible gory images of her being dead, and I wake up in cold sweats from it. I cannot care for her I know this but I believe my mom has not put a proper plan in place for her so once she dies her option is being thrown out on the street. I can’t think about it , it makes me severely nauseous. Can someone please tell me the steps to help my sister so when my mom passes she will be taken care of? I’ve looked into Sweden in fact as supposedly they deal great with people like my sister but I am just a broke college student who fears to look into the financial aspects of that. Can anyone give me advice at all?

Hi there, I don't even know how to title this. I am an adult, almost 30. My younger sibling is 20. He has an intellectual disability, and also possibly Asperger's. He is slow, and developmentally behind. Which in itself isn't a problem; the issue is with our family environment, including constant enabling.

Ever since he was a small baby he was basically the beginning of "tablet children." He was given a tablet to entertain himself endlessly for hours a day. I was also a kid, and couldn't do much, but when I would express my concerns to my mother (dad was always at work) I was always told "I'm the parent, not you." So alright.

Granted, I had no internet restriction either which HORRIBLY fucked me up. I think I can confidentally say that my parents failed us both. I developed depression and anxiety and had a sleep of issues throughout my teen years. My brother and I were never close, he feels like a stranger to everyone in the house. I blame this entirely on the fact my mom enables him and refused to teach him, discipline him.

Things he does...:

• If we are going out, he has the option to go or stay home. When he does go out with us, he is miserable, usually has a temper tantrum, and bad attitude.
• If anyone is having fun laughing or being silly in the house, he slams something and yells "shut up"
• Has to be reminded of hygiene which, I'm sure is normal for people with mental disabilities, but whenever I would bring up to my mother that he fucking smells rancid, she would defend him. It took years for her to get on his ass about showering.
• Is on his computer all hours of the day from when he wakes up to when he goes to bed. He does NOTHING beyond use his computer.

My mother and my father talked about restricting access but that literally goes nowhere every time. When we lost power he had an absolute meltdown as he is physically incapable of understanding that everyone is effected by this. He is literally addicted to his computer.

I thought about finding a way to turn off his Wi-Fi access but I imagine that would go terribly.

I'm trying to move out by next year.

If something were to happen to my mother, my brother would have literally nobody on his side. My father doesn't love him - he's never said it, but it's obvious. I am neutral towards him, I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to him, but I refuse to take care of him. I cannot care for an overgrown infant. Physically, he is capable. He Can dress himself. He COULD pick out his own clothes. He COULD clean up after his own mess..but he doesn't, because the issue here is she enables him in every single aspect of his life. On the outside he seems like a literal shell of life. What is an existence entirely on a fucking computer?

I feel bad, but any time my father or I would try to interject, my mother defends him and won't accept any criticism.

Before anyone says I should have taken responsibility... I really don't know what to say. I wish I were good enough as a teen to have, of course. I have no excuse other than not wanting to argue with my mom over it, and dealing with my own severe mental health problems.

I hate to say it, but the truth is, his life is sad and pathetic.

I feel bad that my parents have not one but two fucked up kids. There's him, and then there's me. I love my parents, but they are beyond perfect and the circumstances in which we were raised (emotional instability, witnessing constant fighting, OCD/overbearing mother, cold and distant father.)

I feel so guilty for venting about this to friends..materially we are taken care of. I don't even know if I'm valid or ungrateful.

Still looking for adults who grew up alongside siblings with chronic illness to participate in a survey. This can be any chronic illness, like ADHD, diabetes, cancer, and any other physical or mental health condition. Click here to participate: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/SiblingofChronicIllness

How old are you (not your sibling)?

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Hey everyone! I'm still looking for adults who grew up alongside siblings with chronic illness to participate in a survey. This can be any chronic illness, like ADHD, diabetes, cancer, and any other physical or mental health condition. Click here to participate: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/SiblingofChronicIllness

My brother is 13 and Im 20 but sometimes I have to babysit one of my toddler cousins, who is around the age of 4. Our cousin can be a handfull at times, hyper, and likes to play a lot. My brother is mildly autistic and has adhd.

My brother tends to be afraid to even come out of his room because of one or both of our cousins coming over. If he sees the hyper toddler as in it seems like the toddler is trying to play fight or something with him while on the couch or in the hallway, my brother would see that as him needing to defend himself. Anytime I see that happen, it hurts me inside and like I can't do anything else besides make sure that it doesn't happen while Im on my phone.

Last time, when I heard my brother fuse about him, I was trying to stop it from happening but it was too late, my brother is like around 5'4 or 5'5 with long legs. That day, my mom didn't give hom the certain meds that help with that cuz he was about to run out of them and she wanting to make sure that he had enough before going to school, it happened Sunday.

Usually, my brother is a good and quiet child, who does aways be in his room either playing his games or watching YouTube.

This whole situation makes me nervous about wanting to have my own kids one day, and I know at my age I don't need to be thinking about that much but, when it comes to the dating world, as in wanting a long-term and serious relationship, I must know wheather or not I want kids. Even if I do find the perfect guy for me who doesn't want kids, I'd still be turned off by it. But, I do feel like with the right guy for me, I wouldn't mind getting married and having kids, when Im older.

There be times sometimes where Im jealous of others, who don't have any autistic siblings or at least who have siblings who are high functioning autism. And yes my brother can do a lot of stuff. But I'm also very much aware that I have it easy compared to people who have siblings that have severe autism but still that part with a hyperactive toddler or enjoys to play around with his arms in like maybe a play fight type of thing I guess, unsure how to describe but around that range. I do realize that Im kinda going into circles but stuff like this make me nervous for when I have kids and it would be great to get some reasurance or advice or whatever input you can give me.

I’m a college aged female with a disabled older adult sibling. They live with my parents and are physically disabled as well as severely mentally ill, and was even before their disability. Recently, situation has worsened and they had to be placed inpatient in regard for their safety and my parents safety. My parents are broken to say the least and have hit their last straw. However, they feel too much guilt putting them in a home. I’ve tried talking to them that they deserve to travel and enjoy their retirement, instead of continuing to be mentally and physically abused by their disabled child. Obviously I have some love for my sibling, but I’ve been at my wits end for a long time. If it were my choice, I think a home would be the absolute best option. I’m just for any advice or words I can share with my parents, because I’m not really getting through to them.

I(17M)don’t even know how to write for advice since I don’t write to people on Reddit so I apologize if this is confusing to read.

But after my parents adopted my now 12 year old brother (with the mental capacity of around a 6 yr old) who had a lot of mental disorders due to an extremely neglecting mother, with the ones I remember being Autism, ADHD, ODD, and there’s likely more that I’m unaware of.

Explaining that, since he’s been adopted things were fine until when I started high school when I noticed that my brother was getting too much privilege in the house, whether it was him getting essentially anything he wanted without needing to do anything around the house, to getting away with almost anything. While I understand he needs more than one chance to understand what he’s doing is wrong my dad lets him do whatever he wants, it’s gotten to the point where when both of my parents are at work and I have to babysit him, if he’s doing something wrong he’d just say “dad lets me do whatever I want” I’ve tried talking to dad to be slightly more strict since this was clearly not working, and whenever I’d actually take away my brother’s stuff for doing something wrong I’m the one getting yelled at and being told by my dad that “you’re not the parent, I am so mind your damn business”

I’ve tried telling my mom, dad and nothing has changed and it’s been going on for years with zero change, it feels like no matter who I talk to nothing changes.

I plan on moving out next year with no roommates because I can't take this anymore. I have two younger autistic siblings. I'm the only one helping my mom and I have to do everything for them. I work full time including weekends because that's when I'm taking care of my siblings.

I can't deal with them or their disability anymore. My brother is the main problem and honestly he needs to be put in a home. Like I said I plan on leaving but there are some days I reach my breaking point with him. Like today I was making donuts, idk what it is about him and good but he turns into a wild beast that's been starved for days. He cannot control himself around food.

I had been baking and cooking all day so by this point I was exhausted and hungry. I had my donuts on my plate and my brother snagged them while I wasn't looking. I just lost it and started yelling.

Either way I just can't deal with him anymore. Do you guys know of something I can give him to make him calm down during the day. He has his medication he takes st night that makes him fall asleep. But I need something that will make him sit still during the day. I'm not trying to drug him up just make him less hyper. As messed up as it is to say it he's better to deal with when he's unable to walk.

hey, i have an autistic brother well call bob (10) i (16) went to a wedding today. at the first half of the ceremony my step mom did not sot him down but eventualy she sat down with him and of coarse as i warned both my parents he will ingerupt thr ceremony. he did and he screamed out "nooo" and "want to go outside" interupting the cermomony and i saw everone looking at us judgily and ive had similar incidents for 6 years and i cant do this anympre i need help

Since I was 8 my sister has never stopped yelling at me, She has autism but so many times I've been told 'she doesn't mean it she's just breaking down' when I get screamed at every single flippin day, Literally it's ever single day, sometimes every other day I'm so tired.. I told my mum and she's trying to make punishments but my sister doesn't get out much and therapy just doesn't work with her. I'm so tired, I'm 14 now and I've gone through my period, my birthdays, christmas all with her yelling at me every single day, yelling insults 'this is why people hate people with ADHD' I was diagnosed with adhd depression and anxiety a while ago when I was 12 or 11 I think,

I never go out anymore, She ruined my mental state completely, every day of her yelling at me makes me scared of opening doors or even talking to people because it's so scary I feel like I've become numb to it at this point but it still scares me so much I want to throw up I haven't gone out on a regular basis in 2 years because of my anxiety, occasionally I go out to the doctors or to a therapist and I really think I'm getting better but every time she yells at me I feel like throwing up or just collapsing today I walked out of the bathroom and she screamed at me but I wasn't expecting it and it scared the hell out of me i just started crying, I'm so sorry for my mum for having to deal with this but I'm genuinely starting to hate my sister, I tried apologizing to her so many times thinking that maybe I wasn't being accepting enough I mean she's the one with autism but she just told me to kill myself,

Every single time this happens I just get told 'she has autism she doesn't mean it, She's just breaking down' And every time I see an autistic person on the internet I just think back to my sister and I can't help feeling resentful because autism has always been used as an excuse for her actions and Im so sick of it, I hate autism I hate my sister I hate how its always used as an excuse for her yelling at me every single flippin day im so sick of it I don't even want to wake up tomorrow I don't want to go through this again im so tired

Hi everyone, I'm new to this sub.

Just feel really overwhelmed and just need to vent.

Last year, my mother suddenly died unexpectedly. She had been a single mum and carer for my disabled sister (21F) so my sister suddenly no longer had a carer. My mother was exhausted, depressed and burnt out from caring for her and had previously tried to encourage her to go to a disability support home, which she refused.

Following her death, my sister and I each inherited a 50/50 split of an apartment (no mortgage) from our mother. Prior to her death I had been living alone in a neat little apartment for three years and was just about to move to a new apartment. However, I chose to cancel my lease and forfeit my bond (security deposit) because I wouldn't be able to pay rent for the new apartment as well as maintenance fees and council fees for our inherited apartment.

My sister (21F) has mental health problems, a learning disability (borderline intellectual functioning) and neurodegenerative physical disability affecting her mobility. I had to call the ambulance in February because she had stopped taking her antipsychotic medication and was emotionally unstable, behaving erratically, thinking delusional and not eating. She was in hospital for three months while waiting for additional government disability scheme funding so she could have people coming to support her full time. As time passed, she became increasing angry and frustrated that the funding application process was lagging and the hospital wouldn't discharge her. She expressed to our brother that I lied to the hospital and put her in there for no reason other than to be abused. She had been admitted voluntarily (didn't resist the ambulance) so after reaching peak frustration and discharging herself against medical guidance, she returned home and was inconsistent in taking her medications insisting that she could "manage it herself". She refused to take her antipsychotic meds claiming that she didn't require any mental health medications. Since she discharged herself against medical guidance, the hospital's social workers had to cancel her application for public guardianship (where an official from the government is appointed as a guardian of the last resort).

I had hidden all of the metal knives in the lead up to her coming home after her first admission since 10 years ago during a psychosis episode she had threatened our mum with a knife. A couple of months ago, following an argument with a friend, she was admitted to hospital once again after she had gone to the mall to purchase and metal knife to cut pumpkin. I don't think she had violent intentions but staff noticed her acting strangely (she has a habit of making facial expressions and talking to herself when under stress).

The psychiatrist assessed her and found that there was no mental health episode/psychosis but the doctors were obviously still concerned and placed her under a vulnerable persons pathway. This way she could have a neuropsychologist make an official assessment on her functioning and a second application for public guardianship could be organised by the hospital social workers. After her assessment, the neuropsychologist determined that guardianship is not necessary at this stage which really frustrated me. Once again, she blamed the hospitalisation on me for "triggering her social anxiety".

Following our mother's death, our dad who lives interstate kept trying to push me into being her carer. He never once asked if I would be open to the idea, but rather would straight up say things like "you are her carer" and "this is why she needs a carer". He even told me "you have no choice" when I said I didn't want to be in my mother's position.

Despite struggling with everyday living tasks like cooking and cleaning, my sister repeatedly refuses to accept help from support workers, feeling that they undermine her independence. She has little understanding of the reality of her situation- her plan is to eventually stop receiving any help from the government disability insurance program and to "use private health insurance" instead.

Her room is filthy- clothes and rubbish cover most of the floor. She makes using the bathroom an uncomfortable experience- leaving her dirty clothes on the bathroom floor, throwing dirty period underwear on my orthodontic retainer case and doesn't flush the toilet properly.

The kitchen and dining area are even worse because she doesn't clean up after cooking/eating, leaves her dishes in the sink and barely does them, dumps food in the sink as if it's a rubbish bin and will leave food out for days in her room and continue to eat it. Most alarmingly, she has a habit of leaving raw meat out overnight to thaw before shoving it back in the freezer (I've tried to advise her against this/put meat back in the fridge for her but she got really angry and told me I don't know what I'm talking about and not to touch her stuff). I'm way too scared to tell her to clean up after herself because she aggressively tells me that I'm "triggering" her and has a full blown meltdown where she cries and screams. Despite her disgusting hygiene habits, she takes it upon herself to remind me to "clean the kitchen thoroughly" after I use it. She has also aggressively screamed at me to leave the house and move out because mum "left the apartment for her". When I threw out her rotting, stinking meat and she had a meltdown and started hitting herself and even hit me.

I spend most of my time at home locked in my room because most of the apartment is so filthy that I can't bear to go outside. Sometimes, she come into my room and sleeps in my bed and I freak out because this is my sacred tidy space and her personal hygiene is awful.

I just feel so frustrated and alone. I have very little family support. I know that she has very few friends or people to support her but I just want to run away from my situation. I want to cut her off and live my life freely. That sounds cold hearted but it's the honest truth.

Hi everyone, I'm new to this sub.

Just feel really overwhelmed and just need to vent.

Last year, my mother suddenly died unexpectedly. She had been a single mum and carer for my disabled sister (21F) so my sister suddenly no longer had a carer. My mother was exhausted, depressed and burnt out from caring for her and had previously tried to encourage her to go to a disability support home, which she refused.

Following her death, my sister and I each inherited a 50/50 split of an apartment (no mortgage) from our mother. Prior to her death I had been living alone in a neat little apartment for three years and was just about to move to a new apartment. However, I chose to cancel my lease and forfeit my bond (security deposit) because I wouldn't be able to pay rent for the new apartment as well as maintenance fees and council fees for our inherited apartment.

My sister (21F) has mental health problems, a learning disability (borderline intellectual functioning) and neurodegenerative physical disability affecting her mobility. I had to call the ambulance in February because she had stopped taking her antipsychotic medication and was emotionally unstable, behaving erratically, thinking delusional and not eating. She was in hospital for three months while waiting for additional government disability scheme funding so she could have people coming to support her full time. As time passed, she became increasing angry and frustrated that the funding application process was lagging and the hospital wouldn't discharge her. She expressed to our brother that I lied to the hospital and put her in there for no reason other than to be abused. She had been admitted voluntarily (didn't resist the ambulance) so after reaching peak frustration and discharging herself against medical guidance, she returned home and was inconsistent in taking her medications insisting that she could "manage it herself". She refused to take her antipsychotic meds claiming that she didn't require any mental health medications. Since she discharged herself against medical guidance, the hospital's social workers had to cancel her application for public guardianship (where an official from the government is appointed as a guardian of the last resort).

I had hidden all of the metal knives in the lead up to her coming home after her first admission since 10 years ago during a psychosis episode she had threatened our mum with a knife. A couple of months ago, following an argument with a friend, she was admitted to hospital once again after she had gone to the mall to purchase and metal knife to cut pumpkin. I don't think she had violent intentions but staff noticed her acting strangely (she has a habit of making facial expressions and talking to herself when under stress).

The psychiatrist assessed her and found that there was no mental health episode/psychosis but the doctors were obviously still concerned and placed her under a vulnerable persons pathway. This way she could have a neuropsychologist make an official assessment on her functioning and a second application for public guardianship could be organised by the hospital social workers. After her assessment, the neuropsychologist determined that guardianship is not necessary at this stage which really frustrated me. Once again, she blamed the hospitalisation on me for "triggering her social anxiety".

Following our mother's death, our dad who lives interstate kept trying to push me into being her carer. He never once asked if I would be open to the idea, but rather would straight up say things like "you are her carer" and "this is why she needs a carer". He even told me "you have no choice" when I said I didn't want to be in my mother's position.

Despite struggling with everyday living tasks like cooking and cleaning, my sister repeatedly refuses to accept help from support workers, feeling that they undermine her independence. She has little understanding of the reality of her situation- her plan is to eventually stop receiving any help from the government disability insurance program and to "use private health insurance" instead.

Her room is filthy- clothes and rubbish cover most of the floor. She makes using the bathroom an uncomfortable experience- leaving her dirty clothes on the bathroom floor, throwing dirty period underwear on my orthodontic retainer case and doesn't flush the toilet properly.

The kitchen and dining area are even worse because she doesn't clean up after cooking/eating, leaves her dishes in the sink and barely does them, dumps food in the sink as if it's a rubbish bin and will leave food out for days in her room and continue to eat it. Most alarmingly, she has a habit of leaving raw meat out overnight to thaw before shoving it back in the freezer (I've tried to advise her against this/put meat back in the fridge for her but she got really angry and told me I don't know what I'm talking about and not to touch her stuff). I'm way too scared to tell her to clean up after herself because she aggressively tells me that I'm "triggering" her and has a full blown meltdown where she cries and screams. Despite her disgusting hygiene habits, she takes it upon herself to remind me to "clean the kitchen thoroughly" after I use it. She has also aggressively screamed at me to leave the house and move out because mum "left the apartment for her". When I threw out her rotting, stinking meat and she had a meltdown and started hitting herself and even hit me.

I spend most of my time at home locked in my room because most of the apartment is so filthy that I can't bear to go outside. Sometimes, she come into my room and sleeps in my bed and I freak out because this is my sacred tidy space and her personal hygiene is awful.

I just feel so frustrated and alone. I have very little family support. I know that she has very few friends or people to support her but I just want to run away from my situation. I want to cut her off and live my life freely. That sounds cold hearted but it's the honest truth.

Idk if this is the right place to ask about this, but my younger sister is selectively mute. She will only talk to our youngest brother, and that's ONLY if there is nobody else in the room, or in site. It's a constant fight to get her to even squeak out a yes or no. For example, literally like, ten minutes ago, we were eating supper, she needed something so we asked her whst she needed. No response. We ask again after a bit, still no response, and this time she just starts crying.

She is 11 by the way, youngest brother is 8, I'm almost 24.

It's starting to be a really big issue when she needs something, but refuses to say what she needs, resulting in her just sitting there and crying. I wanna help her, but my autistic ass is dogshit at emotion related anything. Would also like to say that every single person in the house has ADHD, autism, or both, so we all don't really know what the hell we're doing to different degrees.

Idk if this was clear or not, I'm ass at getting my thoughts out in a written/typed form...

hello! 13F here.I have misophonia, I struggle badly with it to where my whole day can be ruined and I can cry just by mouth noises or yelling. it's very hard with a baby around, as my mom just had a baby 2 months ago. she's the sweetest little girl and I adore her so much, and I'd love to be around her but it's really really hard when she's screaming. does anyone have any suggestions on ways I can cope with it or make it more bearable to help with her when she's crying? I'd like to be a bigger help with the baby. all advice is appreciated!! ❤ also apologies if the flair isn't right, I couldn't figure out which one to put

I have an extreme concern. This is not exactly for "special needs" as I don't think developmental issues are exactly considered special needs, but whatever. My six year old brother is developmentally delayed. My parents assumed it was fine when he was younger, because all of my brothers were the same. They all started to talk and do things late, but that is just because of genetics and whatnot. It is different with my youngest brother though. He is already six and still talks like a three year old. Some two year olds probably speak better than him. He mutters random nonsense all the time. In addition, generally, I have always seen six year olds refer to themselves as "I" and other first person pronouns, if that makes sense. He still refers to himself as his first name. To protect his privacy, I'll say his name is Cory. He says things to the effect of "Cory wants water!" or "Me want water!" I believe this should not be normal for six year olds. He should be able to say "I want water," but I personally have never heard him speak like that. Speaking good and complete sentences is also rare for him. He can sort of say decent sentences and various expressions he picked up, for example, when one of my siblings won't eat their food, he will say "-name- won't eat food!" or if something random happened, he will say "what's going on?" He does correct himself or tell himself to stop when doing something wrong, like "stop being a drama queen!" "don't be selfish!" "no saying bad words!" He knows his name, all my siblings' name, and his age, but nothing else really. I have a sister younger than him, and she can say her age and name, not only that, but also MY age, her favorite color, her favorite food and candy, what season it is, and so on and so forth. My brother can't, even if I try to tell him, and this is incredibly concerning to me. I do think that if I sit down with him for an hour or so every so often and teach him things like where he lives, our ages, his parents' names, etc, he will learn, so it maybe is not much of a concern. But it seems as none of my other siblings or my parents are worried at all. He also can't do basic math or describe things. He can only describe the color of an object, nothing else. He can understand most things we say though. If I tell him to go do something, he will listen, except if the instructions are hard for him. However, he is actually really good when it comes to reading and learning suffixes and words, so yeah. He does like schoolwork too. He is also homeschooled, so public school isn't an issue.

I will say that when he was younger, to stop his endless crying, we would let him watch kid's shows similar to Cocomelon. I am honestly incredibly guilty of putting this on for him and not actually trying to play or try to stop him, but I was so young at the time, and I didn't know of the dangers for screen time. But then again, it is still confusing. My younger sister also watched the same show, even a lot more than my brother, but she shows no signs of developmental delay, which again is confusing. Is it just mostly genetics or what's with him? I believe he was offered therapy when he was younger, but my parents declined it, for some reason? I don't think they had time to bring him to sessions or something, I have no idea why. Whenever I bring up my brother's issues, my mom would usually something to the effect of "he will grow out of it." Just an FYI, my mom is not cruel or mean, she is 100% the best mom ever. I am just saying because some may think she is cruel or abusive, which she is definitely not.

Will my brother actually be able to grow out his developmental delay? I have a lot of concern for him and his future as with all my other siblings. I want to do something to help, but I'm not exactly sure what exactly. I'm still very young and I don't know how to really teach and help a kid grow well. Obviously, I don't want him to grow up having trouble learning and understanding things, as I will feel incredibly guilty for knowing and not doing something about it. I want him to be amazing and the best. I desperately need prayers for him, encouragement, and advice for helping him out. Thank you! ♡

Don’t need help but flair is required and the others didn’t fit either

So my younger sister is high support needs, intellectually disabled, and nonverbal. The way we communicate through her is primarily gestures (if she walks to a bowl we know she’s hungry, if she cries we know she’s sad, etc.). But lots is guesswork. So for example if she cries we don’t know what exactly is making her upset: is it because your stomach hurts? Because you miss so and so? Because you’re mad I took this toy away?” etc.

There are so many things I will never 100% know about her. Like how is she able to tell exactly what time my dad is supposed to be home by, regardless of daylight hours changing, if she can’t read? Does she know i am sister? Does she know I am older than her? Does it make her sad when my older sister and I leave home? What’s her favorite food? Does she like the clothes we buy her? What have we been wrong about in regards to her? What can we do better? Do you know we love you?

I can’t imagine on her end how frustrating it must be to not be able to communicate her feelings to us all the time, especially when she’s in chronic pain and can’t explain what she needs. Still, there is a lot of beauty with connecting someone solely by being in their presence, sitting with them, cuddling them, feeding them, etc. - and not through words. It helps me be very present whenever I’m with her. ❤️

I'm 34f and have a brother (27) who has a severe unknown genetic issues so is profoundly disabled. He lives with my parents who care for him. I'm in Ireland and there's hardly any supports for my brother and parents. He can be aggressive but he doesn't mean it he gets overwhelmed easily. He can't communicate with a lot of words. He is too volatile and big (he's taller tha me) for him to be able to be left alone with me.

Lately I just can't help but feel overwhelming sadness because I feel he is lonely and I am not there for him enough. My sister and I are leading "normal" lives but I feel he is just left behind and it hurts me but I know this can't change. I rang my parents this week and he told me he misses me which is so unusual for him.

I just feel so sad about all this and that he has been robbed of a normal life and I get to live it instead.

I don't even know why I posted but the older I get the more I'm unable to cope. I don't know anyone else in this situation except my sister and I've been trying therapy but it has made me feel worse.

Other siblings out there what can I do. I am in tears writing this as I feel so awful about it all.

Hi all,

Vulnerable post ahead. My brother, who I love more than anything, has nonverbal cerebral palsy and autism (at least, it's clinically treated as autism) after a stroke he had as an infant. . I'm 32 getting married in a month, and feelings of grief I've never had before (or maybe wasn't exactly allowed to have... even if that wasn't on purpose?) are on the surface. I am one of 4 - I also have two sisters - and he is the oldest. I think knowing he won't be able to go to the majority of my wedding (because he would be miserable), has brought this sadness up. Tears whenever it's talked about. Grief of the  brother experience "I missed," and I'm sure many of you can relate to that. It's bizarre but I guess makes sense that this is the first time I'm really truly experiencing this grief, at least in my current memory. I just can't believe it's taken 32 years. It also makes me feel a bit selfish that it's come up because of something so about ME.  Anyway... it's also brought up thoughts of memories I've definitely blocked out -- memories of him the few years in our home that he was most violent - hitting, grabbing, throwing things etc. (My parents eventually found a great program to help him - he is doing very well now at 38.) I can remember the aftermath of his violence (some destruction around the house), I can remember various therapists and aids in our home, I can kind of remember feeling physically scared, I can remember locked doors, cannot remember HIM. My sisters have recently unpacked stories with me. I'm sure I blocked these events out as traumatic memories often are blocked out - but I do have clinical anxiety and wouldn't be shocked if this contributes.

I'm curious if anyone has a sibling they had similar experiences with, and if anyone has done anything like EMDR to unpack trauma. I wonder if it would be helpful for me. It was for my younger sister.

However, I'm scared I will learn to remember memories and it will make my anxiety worse and worse, damage the love I have for him.

Any advice is appreciated.

I have a younger sister who for the sake of this context I’m going to call Sammy. She was recently diagnosed with level 1 autism and ADHD. My dad and I have a 1967 Pontiac GTO and we’ve spent hours upon hours turning a wrench on it. For a little context, Sammy has always had an interest in my hobbies but has never shown any interest interest in the car. She tends to have a very short fuse and our relationship is pretty one sided. My mom and I are her main punching bags, but Sammy believes she can make everything better after just saying that she’s sorry without ever giving a real apology, and my mom agrees with her. I, on the other hand, have felt our relationship deteriorating with every hit, scream, and fight. Because of this, I’m planning on cutting her off after high school. None of my family knows this yet. Anyways, my dad and I were sitting in the living room with my mom and Sammy when my dad mentioned that, besides himself, I’ve driven the car the most in the last 20 years. I was really proud of this until Sammy said that she would be next and my spirits fell. She’s never had any interest in the car unless she wants someone to drop her off in it so she can impress her friends. After she said that she climbed on top of me and laid there for a solid 5 minutes while I was sitting uncomfortably in silence. After she got up, she said that in 20 years we would be sitting in the car, smiling and laughing, it sounded awful. Then she went upstairs to go to bed when she leaned over the rail and said that in 30 years I would have kids.i haven’t told anyone in my family that I don’t want kids out of fear that they’ll be like her. I know that sounds absolutely horrible but I’ve seen how miserable my parents are. Whenever the 4 of us go anywhere they’re both talking to me because Sammy won’t get off her phone in the corner, and whenever they try to hang out with her she only wants their wallets and not the experience. It’s a good day if she and mom only have 1 fight, and I don’t want this life. The problem is that family is the most important thing to my parents and I don’t know what cutting ties with Sammy would do to them. I love them so much but I feel like I need to put myself first in this situation, and play nice during the holidays. I’ve tried talking to my friends about this but they don’t know what it’s like to live with someone like her. I hate that this is how I view her but it’s the only way I can anymore. And advice?