How old are you (not your sibling)?

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Hey everyone! I'm still looking for adults who grew up alongside siblings with chronic illness to participate in a survey. This can be any chronic illness, like ADHD, diabetes, cancer, and any other physical or mental health condition. Click here to participate: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/SiblingofChronicIllness

My brother is 13 and Im 20 but sometimes I have to babysit one of my toddler cousins, who is around the age of 4. Our cousin can be a handfull at times, hyper, and likes to play a lot. My brother is mildly autistic and has adhd.

My brother tends to be afraid to even come out of his room because of one or both of our cousins coming over. If he sees the hyper toddler as in it seems like the toddler is trying to play fight or something with him while on the couch or in the hallway, my brother would see that as him needing to defend himself. Anytime I see that happen, it hurts me inside and like I can't do anything else besides make sure that it doesn't happen while Im on my phone.

Last time, when I heard my brother fuse about him, I was trying to stop it from happening but it was too late, my brother is like around 5'4 or 5'5 with long legs. That day, my mom didn't give hom the certain meds that help with that cuz he was about to run out of them and she wanting to make sure that he had enough before going to school, it happened Sunday.

Usually, my brother is a good and quiet child, who does aways be in his room either playing his games or watching YouTube.

This whole situation makes me nervous about wanting to have my own kids one day, and I know at my age I don't need to be thinking about that much but, when it comes to the dating world, as in wanting a long-term and serious relationship, I must know wheather or not I want kids. Even if I do find the perfect guy for me who doesn't want kids, I'd still be turned off by it. But, I do feel like with the right guy for me, I wouldn't mind getting married and having kids, when Im older.

There be times sometimes where Im jealous of others, who don't have any autistic siblings or at least who have siblings who are high functioning autism. And yes my brother can do a lot of stuff. But I'm also very much aware that I have it easy compared to people who have siblings that have severe autism but still that part with a hyperactive toddler or enjoys to play around with his arms in like maybe a play fight type of thing I guess, unsure how to describe but around that range. I do realize that Im kinda going into circles but stuff like this make me nervous for when I have kids and it would be great to get some reasurance or advice or whatever input you can give me.

I’m a college aged female with a disabled older adult sibling. They live with my parents and are physically disabled as well as severely mentally ill, and was even before their disability. Recently, situation has worsened and they had to be placed inpatient in regard for their safety and my parents safety. My parents are broken to say the least and have hit their last straw. However, they feel too much guilt putting them in a home. I’ve tried talking to them that they deserve to travel and enjoy their retirement, instead of continuing to be mentally and physically abused by their disabled child. Obviously I have some love for my sibling, but I’ve been at my wits end for a long time. If it were my choice, I think a home would be the absolute best option. I’m just for any advice or words I can share with my parents, because I’m not really getting through to them.

I(17M)don’t even know how to write for advice since I don’t write to people on Reddit so I apologize if this is confusing to read.

But after my parents adopted my now 12 year old brother (with the mental capacity of around a 6 yr old) who had a lot of mental disorders due to an extremely neglecting mother, with the ones I remember being Autism, ADHD, ODD, and there’s likely more that I’m unaware of.

Explaining that, since he’s been adopted things were fine until when I started high school when I noticed that my brother was getting too much privilege in the house, whether it was him getting essentially anything he wanted without needing to do anything around the house, to getting away with almost anything. While I understand he needs more than one chance to understand what he’s doing is wrong my dad lets him do whatever he wants, it’s gotten to the point where when both of my parents are at work and I have to babysit him, if he’s doing something wrong he’d just say “dad lets me do whatever I want” I’ve tried talking to dad to be slightly more strict since this was clearly not working, and whenever I’d actually take away my brother’s stuff for doing something wrong I’m the one getting yelled at and being told by my dad that “you’re not the parent, I am so mind your damn business”

I’ve tried telling my mom, dad and nothing has changed and it’s been going on for years with zero change, it feels like no matter who I talk to nothing changes.

I plan on moving out next year with no roommates because I can't take this anymore. I have two younger autistic siblings. I'm the only one helping my mom and I have to do everything for them. I work full time including weekends because that's when I'm taking care of my siblings.

I can't deal with them or their disability anymore. My brother is the main problem and honestly he needs to be put in a home. Like I said I plan on leaving but there are some days I reach my breaking point with him. Like today I was making donuts, idk what it is about him and good but he turns into a wild beast that's been starved for days. He cannot control himself around food.

I had been baking and cooking all day so by this point I was exhausted and hungry. I had my donuts on my plate and my brother snagged them while I wasn't looking. I just lost it and started yelling.

Either way I just can't deal with him anymore. Do you guys know of something I can give him to make him calm down during the day. He has his medication he takes st night that makes him fall asleep. But I need something that will make him sit still during the day. I'm not trying to drug him up just make him less hyper. As messed up as it is to say it he's better to deal with when he's unable to walk.

hey, i have an autistic brother well call bob (10) i (16) went to a wedding today. at the first half of the ceremony my step mom did not sot him down but eventualy she sat down with him and of coarse as i warned both my parents he will ingerupt thr ceremony. he did and he screamed out "nooo" and "want to go outside" interupting the cermomony and i saw everone looking at us judgily and ive had similar incidents for 6 years and i cant do this anympre i need help

Since I was 8 my sister has never stopped yelling at me, She has autism but so many times I've been told 'she doesn't mean it she's just breaking down' when I get screamed at every single flippin day, Literally it's ever single day, sometimes every other day I'm so tired.. I told my mum and she's trying to make punishments but my sister doesn't get out much and therapy just doesn't work with her. I'm so tired, I'm 14 now and I've gone through my period, my birthdays, christmas all with her yelling at me every single day, yelling insults 'this is why people hate people with ADHD' I was diagnosed with adhd depression and anxiety a while ago when I was 12 or 11 I think,

I never go out anymore, She ruined my mental state completely, every day of her yelling at me makes me scared of opening doors or even talking to people because it's so scary I feel like I've become numb to it at this point but it still scares me so much I want to throw up I haven't gone out on a regular basis in 2 years because of my anxiety, occasionally I go out to the doctors or to a therapist and I really think I'm getting better but every time she yells at me I feel like throwing up or just collapsing today I walked out of the bathroom and she screamed at me but I wasn't expecting it and it scared the hell out of me i just started crying, I'm so sorry for my mum for having to deal with this but I'm genuinely starting to hate my sister, I tried apologizing to her so many times thinking that maybe I wasn't being accepting enough I mean she's the one with autism but she just told me to kill myself,

Every single time this happens I just get told 'she has autism she doesn't mean it, She's just breaking down' And every time I see an autistic person on the internet I just think back to my sister and I can't help feeling resentful because autism has always been used as an excuse for her actions and Im so sick of it, I hate autism I hate my sister I hate how its always used as an excuse for her yelling at me every single flippin day im so sick of it I don't even want to wake up tomorrow I don't want to go through this again im so tired

Hi everyone, I'm new to this sub.

Just feel really overwhelmed and just need to vent.

Last year, my mother suddenly died unexpectedly. She had been a single mum and carer for my disabled sister (21F) so my sister suddenly no longer had a carer. My mother was exhausted, depressed and burnt out from caring for her and had previously tried to encourage her to go to a disability support home, which she refused.

Following her death, my sister and I each inherited a 50/50 split of an apartment (no mortgage) from our mother. Prior to her death I had been living alone in a neat little apartment for three years and was just about to move to a new apartment. However, I chose to cancel my lease and forfeit my bond (security deposit) because I wouldn't be able to pay rent for the new apartment as well as maintenance fees and council fees for our inherited apartment.

My sister (21F) has mental health problems, a learning disability (borderline intellectual functioning) and neurodegenerative physical disability affecting her mobility. I had to call the ambulance in February because she had stopped taking her antipsychotic medication and was emotionally unstable, behaving erratically, thinking delusional and not eating. She was in hospital for three months while waiting for additional government disability scheme funding so she could have people coming to support her full time. As time passed, she became increasing angry and frustrated that the funding application process was lagging and the hospital wouldn't discharge her. She expressed to our brother that I lied to the hospital and put her in there for no reason other than to be abused. She had been admitted voluntarily (didn't resist the ambulance) so after reaching peak frustration and discharging herself against medical guidance, she returned home and was inconsistent in taking her medications insisting that she could "manage it herself". She refused to take her antipsychotic meds claiming that she didn't require any mental health medications. Since she discharged herself against medical guidance, the hospital's social workers had to cancel her application for public guardianship (where an official from the government is appointed as a guardian of the last resort).

I had hidden all of the metal knives in the lead up to her coming home after her first admission since 10 years ago during a psychosis episode she had threatened our mum with a knife. A couple of months ago, following an argument with a friend, she was admitted to hospital once again after she had gone to the mall to purchase and metal knife to cut pumpkin. I don't think she had violent intentions but staff noticed her acting strangely (she has a habit of making facial expressions and talking to herself when under stress).

The psychiatrist assessed her and found that there was no mental health episode/psychosis but the doctors were obviously still concerned and placed her under a vulnerable persons pathway. This way she could have a neuropsychologist make an official assessment on her functioning and a second application for public guardianship could be organised by the hospital social workers. After her assessment, the neuropsychologist determined that guardianship is not necessary at this stage which really frustrated me. Once again, she blamed the hospitalisation on me for "triggering her social anxiety".

Following our mother's death, our dad who lives interstate kept trying to push me into being her carer. He never once asked if I would be open to the idea, but rather would straight up say things like "you are her carer" and "this is why she needs a carer". He even told me "you have no choice" when I said I didn't want to be in my mother's position.

Despite struggling with everyday living tasks like cooking and cleaning, my sister repeatedly refuses to accept help from support workers, feeling that they undermine her independence. She has little understanding of the reality of her situation- her plan is to eventually stop receiving any help from the government disability insurance program and to "use private health insurance" instead.

Her room is filthy- clothes and rubbish cover most of the floor. She makes using the bathroom an uncomfortable experience- leaving her dirty clothes on the bathroom floor, throwing dirty period underwear on my orthodontic retainer case and doesn't flush the toilet properly.

The kitchen and dining area are even worse because she doesn't clean up after cooking/eating, leaves her dishes in the sink and barely does them, dumps food in the sink as if it's a rubbish bin and will leave food out for days in her room and continue to eat it. Most alarmingly, she has a habit of leaving raw meat out overnight to thaw before shoving it back in the freezer (I've tried to advise her against this/put meat back in the fridge for her but she got really angry and told me I don't know what I'm talking about and not to touch her stuff). I'm way too scared to tell her to clean up after herself because she aggressively tells me that I'm "triggering" her and has a full blown meltdown where she cries and screams. Despite her disgusting hygiene habits, she takes it upon herself to remind me to "clean the kitchen thoroughly" after I use it. She has also aggressively screamed at me to leave the house and move out because mum "left the apartment for her". When I threw out her rotting, stinking meat and she had a meltdown and started hitting herself and even hit me.

I spend most of my time at home locked in my room because most of the apartment is so filthy that I can't bear to go outside. Sometimes, she come into my room and sleeps in my bed and I freak out because this is my sacred tidy space and her personal hygiene is awful.

I just feel so frustrated and alone. I have very little family support. I know that she has very few friends or people to support her but I just want to run away from my situation. I want to cut her off and live my life freely. That sounds cold hearted but it's the honest truth.

Hi everyone, I'm new to this sub.

Just feel really overwhelmed and just need to vent.

Last year, my mother suddenly died unexpectedly. She had been a single mum and carer for my disabled sister (21F) so my sister suddenly no longer had a carer. My mother was exhausted, depressed and burnt out from caring for her and had previously tried to encourage her to go to a disability support home, which she refused.

Following her death, my sister and I each inherited a 50/50 split of an apartment (no mortgage) from our mother. Prior to her death I had been living alone in a neat little apartment for three years and was just about to move to a new apartment. However, I chose to cancel my lease and forfeit my bond (security deposit) because I wouldn't be able to pay rent for the new apartment as well as maintenance fees and council fees for our inherited apartment.

My sister (21F) has mental health problems, a learning disability (borderline intellectual functioning) and neurodegenerative physical disability affecting her mobility. I had to call the ambulance in February because she had stopped taking her antipsychotic medication and was emotionally unstable, behaving erratically, thinking delusional and not eating. She was in hospital for three months while waiting for additional government disability scheme funding so she could have people coming to support her full time. As time passed, she became increasing angry and frustrated that the funding application process was lagging and the hospital wouldn't discharge her. She expressed to our brother that I lied to the hospital and put her in there for no reason other than to be abused. She had been admitted voluntarily (didn't resist the ambulance) so after reaching peak frustration and discharging herself against medical guidance, she returned home and was inconsistent in taking her medications insisting that she could "manage it herself". She refused to take her antipsychotic meds claiming that she didn't require any mental health medications. Since she discharged herself against medical guidance, the hospital's social workers had to cancel her application for public guardianship (where an official from the government is appointed as a guardian of the last resort).

I had hidden all of the metal knives in the lead up to her coming home after her first admission since 10 years ago during a psychosis episode she had threatened our mum with a knife. A couple of months ago, following an argument with a friend, she was admitted to hospital once again after she had gone to the mall to purchase and metal knife to cut pumpkin. I don't think she had violent intentions but staff noticed her acting strangely (she has a habit of making facial expressions and talking to herself when under stress).

The psychiatrist assessed her and found that there was no mental health episode/psychosis but the doctors were obviously still concerned and placed her under a vulnerable persons pathway. This way she could have a neuropsychologist make an official assessment on her functioning and a second application for public guardianship could be organised by the hospital social workers. After her assessment, the neuropsychologist determined that guardianship is not necessary at this stage which really frustrated me. Once again, she blamed the hospitalisation on me for "triggering her social anxiety".

Following our mother's death, our dad who lives interstate kept trying to push me into being her carer. He never once asked if I would be open to the idea, but rather would straight up say things like "you are her carer" and "this is why she needs a carer". He even told me "you have no choice" when I said I didn't want to be in my mother's position.

Despite struggling with everyday living tasks like cooking and cleaning, my sister repeatedly refuses to accept help from support workers, feeling that they undermine her independence. She has little understanding of the reality of her situation- her plan is to eventually stop receiving any help from the government disability insurance program and to "use private health insurance" instead.

Her room is filthy- clothes and rubbish cover most of the floor. She makes using the bathroom an uncomfortable experience- leaving her dirty clothes on the bathroom floor, throwing dirty period underwear on my orthodontic retainer case and doesn't flush the toilet properly.

The kitchen and dining area are even worse because she doesn't clean up after cooking/eating, leaves her dishes in the sink and barely does them, dumps food in the sink as if it's a rubbish bin and will leave food out for days in her room and continue to eat it. Most alarmingly, she has a habit of leaving raw meat out overnight to thaw before shoving it back in the freezer (I've tried to advise her against this/put meat back in the fridge for her but she got really angry and told me I don't know what I'm talking about and not to touch her stuff). I'm way too scared to tell her to clean up after herself because she aggressively tells me that I'm "triggering" her and has a full blown meltdown where she cries and screams. Despite her disgusting hygiene habits, she takes it upon herself to remind me to "clean the kitchen thoroughly" after I use it. She has also aggressively screamed at me to leave the house and move out because mum "left the apartment for her". When I threw out her rotting, stinking meat and she had a meltdown and started hitting herself and even hit me.

I spend most of my time at home locked in my room because most of the apartment is so filthy that I can't bear to go outside. Sometimes, she come into my room and sleeps in my bed and I freak out because this is my sacred tidy space and her personal hygiene is awful.

I just feel so frustrated and alone. I have very little family support. I know that she has very few friends or people to support her but I just want to run away from my situation. I want to cut her off and live my life freely. That sounds cold hearted but it's the honest truth.

Idk if this is the right place to ask about this, but my younger sister is selectively mute. She will only talk to our youngest brother, and that's ONLY if there is nobody else in the room, or in site. It's a constant fight to get her to even squeak out a yes or no. For example, literally like, ten minutes ago, we were eating supper, she needed something so we asked her whst she needed. No response. We ask again after a bit, still no response, and this time she just starts crying.

She is 11 by the way, youngest brother is 8, I'm almost 24.

It's starting to be a really big issue when she needs something, but refuses to say what she needs, resulting in her just sitting there and crying. I wanna help her, but my autistic ass is dogshit at emotion related anything. Would also like to say that every single person in the house has ADHD, autism, or both, so we all don't really know what the hell we're doing to different degrees.

Idk if this was clear or not, I'm ass at getting my thoughts out in a written/typed form...

hello! 13F here.I have misophonia, I struggle badly with it to where my whole day can be ruined and I can cry just by mouth noises or yelling. it's very hard with a baby around, as my mom just had a baby 2 months ago. she's the sweetest little girl and I adore her so much, and I'd love to be around her but it's really really hard when she's screaming. does anyone have any suggestions on ways I can cope with it or make it more bearable to help with her when she's crying? I'd like to be a bigger help with the baby. all advice is appreciated!! ❤ also apologies if the flair isn't right, I couldn't figure out which one to put

I have an extreme concern. This is not exactly for "special needs" as I don't think developmental issues are exactly considered special needs, but whatever. My six year old brother is developmentally delayed. My parents assumed it was fine when he was younger, because all of my brothers were the same. They all started to talk and do things late, but that is just because of genetics and whatnot. It is different with my youngest brother though. He is already six and still talks like a three year old. Some two year olds probably speak better than him. He mutters random nonsense all the time. In addition, generally, I have always seen six year olds refer to themselves as "I" and other first person pronouns, if that makes sense. He still refers to himself as his first name. To protect his privacy, I'll say his name is Cory. He says things to the effect of "Cory wants water!" or "Me want water!" I believe this should not be normal for six year olds. He should be able to say "I want water," but I personally have never heard him speak like that. Speaking good and complete sentences is also rare for him. He can sort of say decent sentences and various expressions he picked up, for example, when one of my siblings won't eat their food, he will say "-name- won't eat food!" or if something random happened, he will say "what's going on?" He does correct himself or tell himself to stop when doing something wrong, like "stop being a drama queen!" "don't be selfish!" "no saying bad words!" He knows his name, all my siblings' name, and his age, but nothing else really. I have a sister younger than him, and she can say her age and name, not only that, but also MY age, her favorite color, her favorite food and candy, what season it is, and so on and so forth. My brother can't, even if I try to tell him, and this is incredibly concerning to me. I do think that if I sit down with him for an hour or so every so often and teach him things like where he lives, our ages, his parents' names, etc, he will learn, so it maybe is not much of a concern. But it seems as none of my other siblings or my parents are worried at all. He also can't do basic math or describe things. He can only describe the color of an object, nothing else. He can understand most things we say though. If I tell him to go do something, he will listen, except if the instructions are hard for him. However, he is actually really good when it comes to reading and learning suffixes and words, so yeah. He does like schoolwork too. He is also homeschooled, so public school isn't an issue.

I will say that when he was younger, to stop his endless crying, we would let him watch kid's shows similar to Cocomelon. I am honestly incredibly guilty of putting this on for him and not actually trying to play or try to stop him, but I was so young at the time, and I didn't know of the dangers for screen time. But then again, it is still confusing. My younger sister also watched the same show, even a lot more than my brother, but she shows no signs of developmental delay, which again is confusing. Is it just mostly genetics or what's with him? I believe he was offered therapy when he was younger, but my parents declined it, for some reason? I don't think they had time to bring him to sessions or something, I have no idea why. Whenever I bring up my brother's issues, my mom would usually something to the effect of "he will grow out of it." Just an FYI, my mom is not cruel or mean, she is 100% the best mom ever. I am just saying because some may think she is cruel or abusive, which she is definitely not.

Will my brother actually be able to grow out his developmental delay? I have a lot of concern for him and his future as with all my other siblings. I want to do something to help, but I'm not exactly sure what exactly. I'm still very young and I don't know how to really teach and help a kid grow well. Obviously, I don't want him to grow up having trouble learning and understanding things, as I will feel incredibly guilty for knowing and not doing something about it. I want him to be amazing and the best. I desperately need prayers for him, encouragement, and advice for helping him out. Thank you! ♡

Sorry in advice for the long, venting post! I am 37F and my sister is 40F. For some background, she has FASD, ASD and ADHD. She is able to live reasonably independently but has always had trouble with things like making friends, managing her finances and holding down jobs. She can be an incredibly difficult person to get along with and lies a lot - not maliciously, but more out of self preservation and as a coping strategy I think. That's why it's really difficult to help her, because she will always pretend that she's doing great and will not ask anyone in our family for help no matter what's going on. A lot of the lies she tells are just weird and pointless so we for the most part don't really call her out on them even though we know she's lying. She will double and triple down on them and you just argue in circles with no resolution.

For example, she lost her job in May last year and for three months she was pretending to go to work every day (she lives at home with my mum). We only found out because she sounded really cagey when talking about it so in August I looked at her Linkedin which said she stopped working at that job in May - my mum confronted her about it, and she admitted it and said she had been going and sitting in a library all day for 3 months. She has a new job which we think she's still at, but we really can't be sure. We know she's had issues with debt which isn't surprising bc she will impulsively take out online loans, there's been debt collectors calling my mum's house but she won't admit to anything. She does not believe she has any disabilities and therefore will not engage with any disability-based services or support. We are not close, I have a lot of resentment towards her (which I am working on in therapy) and I live 2hrs+ away from my family.

She works a job 40mins away from my mum's house. She had a car, which she sold for reasons we don't know (possibly to pay off debt, but she lied for months about having sold it), so she was getting the train to work every day. My mother eventually gave her my late dad's old car for free (it's not worth much), but refused to put it in my sister's name so she can't sell it which I think was fair. My sister claims to be house sitting for someone near her work (she does do pet/house sitting so it's not totally unbelievable) so she's not living at home right now. My mum asked her for the address but she won't give it, and she claims she's asked to stay there for longer. We know the suburb (at least from what she told us) but don't know the address, so we have no idea where she is living and even if she told us the address we have no way of verifying it.

The issue that has come up is that my mum has started getting multiple letters a week for tolls in the car she gave her. Because my mum is the owner of the car, the toll notices go to her. Where we are, if you do not have a electronic toll reader, you get a mail invoice which incurs a $10 fee (first notice) or $20 fee (second notice). So for every $4 toll she's racking up, she's incurring up to $20 extra. It's starting to add up, my mum has received at least 10 of these. She has been pestering my sister about this, she claims she's going to get an electronic toll reader under her name but this doesn't seem to have happened. We don't know if she can't afford it or what. My mum sent her an upset message because she will have to pay the notices (she doesn't have a lot of liquid cash), and my sister blocked her and is refusing to speak to her. My mum is now planning on going to her workplace to confront her about what's going on. She wouldn't make a scene or anything like that, but I can't imagine how embarrassing it would be to have your mum show up at your work (my sister is a receptionist so it's not like she could just hide or pretend to not be there lol).

I'm really conflicted about whether to get involved. On the one hand, I'm not sure if I should warn her that my mum is going to come into her work. I don't know if me warning her and telling her she needs to contact my mum would even do anything but I feel awful for how embarrassing it could be for her. On the other hand, this is a mess entirely of her own making, it's incredibly entitled behaviour and she can't just expect my mum to keep paying hundreds of dollars a month for her. My partner thinks warning her would make things worse but I just don't know what to do.

Don’t need help but flair is required and the others didn’t fit either

So my younger sister is high support needs, intellectually disabled, and nonverbal. The way we communicate through her is primarily gestures (if she walks to a bowl we know she’s hungry, if she cries we know she’s sad, etc.). But lots is guesswork. So for example if she cries we don’t know what exactly is making her upset: is it because your stomach hurts? Because you miss so and so? Because you’re mad I took this toy away?” etc.

There are so many things I will never 100% know about her. Like how is she able to tell exactly what time my dad is supposed to be home by, regardless of daylight hours changing, if she can’t read? Does she know i am sister? Does she know I am older than her? Does it make her sad when my older sister and I leave home? What’s her favorite food? Does she like the clothes we buy her? What have we been wrong about in regards to her? What can we do better? Do you know we love you?

I can’t imagine on her end how frustrating it must be to not be able to communicate her feelings to us all the time, especially when she’s in chronic pain and can’t explain what she needs. Still, there is a lot of beauty with connecting someone solely by being in their presence, sitting with them, cuddling them, feeding them, etc. - and not through words. It helps me be very present whenever I’m with her. ❤️

I'm 34f and have a brother (27) who has a severe unknown genetic issues so is profoundly disabled. He lives with my parents who care for him. I'm in Ireland and there's hardly any supports for my brother and parents. He can be aggressive but he doesn't mean it he gets overwhelmed easily. He can't communicate with a lot of words. He is too volatile and big (he's taller tha me) for him to be able to be left alone with me.

Lately I just can't help but feel overwhelming sadness because I feel he is lonely and I am not there for him enough. My sister and I are leading "normal" lives but I feel he is just left behind and it hurts me but I know this can't change. I rang my parents this week and he told me he misses me which is so unusual for him.

I just feel so sad about all this and that he has been robbed of a normal life and I get to live it instead.

I don't even know why I posted but the older I get the more I'm unable to cope. I don't know anyone else in this situation except my sister and I've been trying therapy but it has made me feel worse.

Other siblings out there what can I do. I am in tears writing this as I feel so awful about it all.

Hi all,

Vulnerable post ahead. My brother, who I love more than anything, has nonverbal cerebral palsy and autism (at least, it's clinically treated as autism) after a stroke he had as an infant. . I'm 32 getting married in a month, and feelings of grief I've never had before (or maybe wasn't exactly allowed to have... even if that wasn't on purpose?) are on the surface. I am one of 4 - I also have two sisters - and he is the oldest. I think knowing he won't be able to go to the majority of my wedding (because he would be miserable), has brought this sadness up. Tears whenever it's talked about. Grief of the  brother experience "I missed," and I'm sure many of you can relate to that. It's bizarre but I guess makes sense that this is the first time I'm really truly experiencing this grief, at least in my current memory. I just can't believe it's taken 32 years. It also makes me feel a bit selfish that it's come up because of something so about ME.  Anyway... it's also brought up thoughts of memories I've definitely blocked out -- memories of him the few years in our home that he was most violent - hitting, grabbing, throwing things etc. (My parents eventually found a great program to help him - he is doing very well now at 38.) I can remember the aftermath of his violence (some destruction around the house), I can remember various therapists and aids in our home, I can kind of remember feeling physically scared, I can remember locked doors, cannot remember HIM. My sisters have recently unpacked stories with me. I'm sure I blocked these events out as traumatic memories often are blocked out - but I do have clinical anxiety and wouldn't be shocked if this contributes.

I'm curious if anyone has a sibling they had similar experiences with, and if anyone has done anything like EMDR to unpack trauma. I wonder if it would be helpful for me. It was for my younger sister.

However, I'm scared I will learn to remember memories and it will make my anxiety worse and worse, damage the love I have for him.

Any advice is appreciated.

I have a younger sister who for the sake of this context I’m going to call Sammy. She was recently diagnosed with level 1 autism and ADHD. My dad and I have a 1967 Pontiac GTO and we’ve spent hours upon hours turning a wrench on it. For a little context, Sammy has always had an interest in my hobbies but has never shown any interest interest in the car. She tends to have a very short fuse and our relationship is pretty one sided. My mom and I are her main punching bags, but Sammy believes she can make everything better after just saying that she’s sorry without ever giving a real apology, and my mom agrees with her. I, on the other hand, have felt our relationship deteriorating with every hit, scream, and fight. Because of this, I’m planning on cutting her off after high school. None of my family knows this yet. Anyways, my dad and I were sitting in the living room with my mom and Sammy when my dad mentioned that, besides himself, I’ve driven the car the most in the last 20 years. I was really proud of this until Sammy said that she would be next and my spirits fell. She’s never had any interest in the car unless she wants someone to drop her off in it so she can impress her friends. After she said that she climbed on top of me and laid there for a solid 5 minutes while I was sitting uncomfortably in silence. After she got up, she said that in 20 years we would be sitting in the car, smiling and laughing, it sounded awful. Then she went upstairs to go to bed when she leaned over the rail and said that in 30 years I would have kids.i haven’t told anyone in my family that I don’t want kids out of fear that they’ll be like her. I know that sounds absolutely horrible but I’ve seen how miserable my parents are. Whenever the 4 of us go anywhere they’re both talking to me because Sammy won’t get off her phone in the corner, and whenever they try to hang out with her she only wants their wallets and not the experience. It’s a good day if she and mom only have 1 fight, and I don’t want this life. The problem is that family is the most important thing to my parents and I don’t know what cutting ties with Sammy would do to them. I love them so much but I feel like I need to put myself first in this situation, and play nice during the holidays. I’ve tried talking to my friends about this but they don’t know what it’s like to live with someone like her. I hate that this is how I view her but it’s the only way I can anymore. And advice?

Hi I've never posted on Reddit before but I'm kinda desperate ans scared and I was wondering if anyone with experience could give me any advices. Im using gender neutral terms for indentiy privacy ?

Anyway I'm a older sibling and my younger sibling has recette devellooed an illness wich really causes them pain and discomfort. They're often really sad and exhausted because they can't sleep due to the said pain. They've gone to the hospital multiple times already but doctors and nurses haven't found The exact cause of the suffering which us in their chest,muscles and joints. Were gotten medication such pain killer ans soothing cream but it doesn't seem to fully work (?). The thing is I'm autistic and myself have alor of thing to deal wirh emotionally and mentally which already takes à toll on my own mental health, ans i can't afford à therapist to support myself. That means I get tired by very basic stuffs, just going to the store can be a herculian task some days. So having to be constnelt worried and try to care foe that adds on top and it was okay at first but nie I'm abiut to enter college and will try to find a job. So much more spoons to use... The thing is I love my little sibling more than anything in thw world, I genuelly coulsnt imagine a world where i kniw theyre not there. But I am also so tired and I hate it bc they also need support that isn't accessible to us.

I think I got a bit off point here, but I wanted to ask anyone that has chronic condition, what kind of support I could give them. I've alwyas been there when they'd feel sad ir down but this is different because this is physical pain that literally makes them scream and cry in pain and a hug won't really help... I just want to take away some of their pain...I hate seeing them suffer like that. Thank yiu if anyone read this and for any advice.

I’ve made a post before (about a year ago) talking about my brother who mentally is about 7, and I guess this is kind of an update but more, so I can vent I guess.

My brother has sippa, Apraxia and some degenerative chromosome thing, he’s 16 now but doesn’t act like it. Like I know his mind is behind to about a 7 year old but even they know how to clean and listen. I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall anytime I try to have a conversation with him about boundaries. Thankfully he’s not taking my clothes anymore and found a solution around that. Now it’s at the point where he REFUSES to clean no matter what. I had a litter box go un-scooped for almost a week, because he “didn’t want to”. And I get it litter boxes are gross but it wouldn’t have been that gross if he had scooped it, I tried explaining and SHOWING him this and still he doesn’t want to do it. (We now have flies that won’t leave our home no matter how much I clean) he doesn’t have very many chores, clean your room and bathroom scoop 1 litter box and take out trash. That’s barely 4 chores and I’m stuck with the rest of the house. I wouldn’t mind if I didn’t have to deep clean every room every time I clean.

I love him so much and I just want to see him thriving, I’m so afraid to move out because if I don’t clean no one does. If I don’t cook he eats junk food constantly. I want to see him in life with a family one day, I know he’s capable of it! I just hope that he can learn to actually clean up after himself. I’ve been doing this for 4 ish years and I’m burnt out, a part of me wants to see him thrive in life but another part of me never wants to see him again. Like I hope he’s doing good but not in my life.

I just feel so bad leaving him with my mom, she’s not a bad mom, but she’s a bad mom. She doesn’t listen when you need her to listen only when she wants to listen. She doesn’t clean anything I clean her room, and I feel like this is also why my brother treats me the way he does, but then it would seem like it’s not his fault, and he needs to held accountable for something. I guess I put more on him then I need to I just don’t know how to separate the resentment between him and my mom, I don’t know if it is separate anymore, I just hope for a better life ya know.

Hi guys,

So I am looking to start somekind of platform or program to provide somekind of community for siblings of specials needs kids and adults. I've noticed there is no formal support for people in our situation and I know growing up I would have really loved something like that.

Just wanted to get some thoughts on what kind of platform poeple would find the most beneficial ( IG, podcasts, blog, ect)

This is probably the last time I’ll post here. I post here a lot and delete my account (mostly because of ocd that I have). My brother is 25 and has severe autism . He is destructive. I can’t move out right now. I have some health issues I’m dealing with. I had my thyroid taken out a couple months back and the day I came home my brother had an ultra meltdown . It was horrible he was screaming. I think I talked about this here. I have no family or friends. there is no where for me to go. I’m trapped. The plea is because i feel the affects on my mind body and soul of being trapped in this state for years and years of just anxiety and stress. I can’t ever relax even doing things that should bring me joy I cannot relax. I have no one to talk to so I vent online I’ve done it my entire life and have been called attention seeking because of it, but it’s just no one in the real world cares about how I feel. I have no one to vent to. Anyway I’m scared of my feelings towards my brother I hate him so much I could cry. it’s severe. Idk what to do about any of my feelings anxiety anger depression. Every time I try to confide in the one person i know my mom, she brushes me off and acts like I’m annoying her and goes back to watching her shows. So I bottle it up it feels like poison

I’m miserable miserable I almost started to cry at the dentist because my life is horrible. I look like a freak I’m an adult but got left behind. Everyone saw I was struggling when I was a kid and I got left behind now I’m a broken adult who is still left behind.

I hate my brother my life would improve if he were gone

That’s it goodbye

I am in desperate need for some advice and I don't really know where else to go. I (18F) am still living with my parents and my sister (25F) who has autism. My sister constantly has what I believe to be meltdowns over seemingly nothing. I've been trying to do some research and realize that to her these things aren't nothing. I try my best to be empathetic and make room for her emotions. Even if I don't understand them. But she keeps for verbally berating me and saying such vile stuff. I am normally able to keep composure and just break down in bathroom afterwards. I don't know what to do. I'm so tired. I've tried to talk to her about this, about how much her words hurt me. About how the scenarios she tells me hurts me. I feel horrible for making her struggle about the way she treats me. I understand that some of this stuff she can't help. Whenever she starts having a meltdown I'll try and move it up to our room. So then it's me she's screaming at me and not our parents. Our parents will punish her to try and shut her up. I've tried talking to her about this but she tells me that she wants to hurt me. Because its the only way she can think to communicate what she's feeling. I've tried sending her so many resources of things that are by autistic people themselves to help her better understand. She just breezes over them and refuses to look for help. She'll go on and on about how she can't change and how she wants us to not love her. I always try to stay removed from my feelings but I just feel like I can't help her. And she refuses to look for help herself. I can't help but feel overdramatic for this whole post but I am tired of being constantly emotionally bankrupt and upset. I don't know what I can do to help her express herself in a way that is less harmful when she refuses to change. If anyone could give advice or resources that would be really great. I just don't know what else to do and I can't keep going this way.

Hi all, I hope this is the right place to post this, since my brother is autistic but undiagnosed. I don't want to take up the space if this isn't the right place, but I'm going through some stuff emotionally and have been looking at my childhood as a result. I ended up here because I was journalling about my childhood and relationship to my parents and realized how much of what I was saying would be relatable to siblings of people with disabilities.

So, yeah. My brother (21) has autism. I (25) have no resentment in my heart for him. I feel like he's the only one who understands me and the situation we grew up in. Our family doesn't talk about things seriously, so if we need to vent we talk to each other. My brother is hands down my favorite member of my family. But looking at my childhood, I feel angry and upset about the way I was neglected because of him.

I've already dealt with some of this in therapy (I am unable to go back currently due to finances), but my brother's needs have always been bigger than mine. I get diagnosed with anxiety at age 20? My brother has been prescribed antipsychotic meds for his. I try to get diagnosed with ADHD in my early twenties, but my parents have to fill out an assessment form where afterwards they tell me that they didn't really see those symptoms in me but BOY did they remind them of my brother. I was, in fact, diagnosed. I need help with financial information to apply for scholarships for grad school? Sorry, we really need to help [brother] with his class schedule to make sure he graduates on time.

It's just exhausting. My whole life, I've been gathering the courage to talk to my family about things that happen in my life only for it to be swept away because my brother has greater needs. Now I'm dealing with low self worth and not being able to meet my own emotional needs because my parents never made them a priority.

This is all just really new information to me and I just needed to vent about it. It sucks feeling this way because my mom was my best friend throughout my teenage and young adult years, but I'm having to face the way that she didn't have my back the way I think she should have. It's no one's fault, but I'm dealing with the aftermath and it's just shitty. How do you guys deal with this?

Between my mom stomping and my brother with ocd also stomping as a part of his routines I’m losing my mind . They’ve both been stomping all day .I can’t relax I associate loud noises with something bad about to happen.

Looking for adults who grew up alongside siblings with chronic illness to participate in a survey. Please see the flyer for more information. Looking for adults who grew up alongside siblings with chronic illness to participate in a survey. Please see the flyer for more information. Click here to participate: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/SiblingofChronicIllness

https://preview.redd.it/9i94y0v3pnld1.jpg?width=576&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0a49e429f040b387d5a33530159760cac1c62499

So I 22f have always wanted to be a mother, Im not sure if it stems from wanting to give my child a better life than I did or what but I have always had a motherly instinct. However, sometimes when I think of becoming a mother, I only dream about a healthy child but then I have these thoughts of what if my child has a disability like my sibling. I want to emphasis that im not talking about adoption when it comes to this topic. For reference my sister is wheelchair bound and nonverbal. Her condition was not genetic and it just happened to be a birth defect. Knowing what my parents went through ( and still are) I would never wish that upon anyone. But It has me wondering, is anyone else afraid of having children with the fear that they might end up having an extreme disability and how does your trauma from your sibling play a role into that? I know most people don't wish for a disabled child but they also don't have the lived experience of dealing with one to know the severity of it. Also for those that do have children of your own, how did you overcome this?

I’m talking like the bathroom has sh*t all over it after he’s used it like it’s really bad, and he used to only be allowed to use one toilet because of his behaviour. However my parents (who actually are sadly very neglectful and don’t give a shit about him at all) do not intervene and stop him so it’s literally un-liveable. I don’t know know what to do but I feel like I need to call social services or smth because they’re literally letting this kid ruin his own life and not getting him any of the support he needs. They only got him some help for a small amount of time during which he got better but now it’s stopped and he’s started to get really bad again. My mum, who is a very difficult and unpleasant woman at times tbh, has claimed to have ‘mentioned it’ but I don’t really know if its true because the issue persists. I can’t say anything because I don’t really have the skillset to communicate with him so I’m not sure what to do. Idk if anyone can advise. Sorry I know this is kind of personal but it really is putting pressure on me that I don’t deserve or need. For context, he does have quite bad communication and living skills but recently there has been a drastic shift in their severity.

I know the tone of my post comes across a little harsh. It is not my brother’s fault. He needs help which he isn’t getting. But I have feelings and needs too and I am really frustrated with the neglect of this situation. Please be thoughtful in your responses.

This occurred a few months ago, but I cannot forget about it. For context, I'm in my last year of high school.

I was with two classmates inside the school bathroom. We are friendly with each other, and were throwing playful insults and jokes at one another.

When one of them says to the other one:

"Are you acoustic?"

I freeze in my tracks. What. The. Hell. Then it hits me like a brick. My mind goes blank for a few seconds.

Not because the insult itself revolves around autism.

But because she has the privilege to use it as an insult.

She doesn't have to sit through hours of meltdowns on a daily basis.

She doesn't have to clean the shit stains from the floor.

She doesn't have to worry about the milk cartons in the fridge being emptied out.

She doesn't have to leave the comfort of her room on regular intervals to check whether the front doors are locked properly.

She doesn't have to be on edge about her future being directed towards becoming a caretaker.

Her ears are still functioning properly, not damaged from shrill screaming.

She didn't have to hold her sobbing mother's hand, telling her that "It's going to be okay", when it wasn't going to be.

She still has confidence, and self esteem.

She was not parentified.

She has privilege. And I don't.

All her siblings are normal, neurotypical, ordinary. They can read, write, speak. And are independent.

I wish I was like her. I wish my brother was also normal, so that I was completely ignorant to what autism even is.

I wish I also had the privilege to use it as an insult.

Can anyone else relate to this?