I really struggle in positions like missionary and cowgirl (less so in this one) because my face is so close and/or visible to my partner. It’s a two prong issue of struggling to make eye contact comfortably as well as becoming hyper aware of the facial expressions I’m making.

This is part of why I prefer having sex in the dark or dim lighting, but my current partner really enjoys having the lights on so I can’t use that as a crutch all of the time. (Admittedly, it is quite nice to on occasion get a better look at my partner too.) We’re both partial to doggy so that gives me a bit of a break as well.

Does anyone else struggle with this and have any specific recommendations (small or big) for either ways to avoid eye contact/face visibility while maintaining intimacy or how to make it more comfortable when it does happen?

This is actually a serious question and I’m curious to know the answers to that from people here.

I've felt very alone since I was diagnosed with autism, and I'm actually open-minded. I (m27) love to talk about everything. But it's so hard to find someone to let me go

For me, I think pornography is fascinating, especially how people's experience and taste with it varies. Often I want to talk about things that are NSFW that I happen to find interesting, even if I'm not actually horny or trying to get sexual attention from somebody. I think most people only think of that stuff with regard to sexual gratification, as opposed to having an interest in it that can be nonsexually motivated.

I sometimes wish I had people to talk to about it. I worry it might make me a perv to find that stuff interesting. I'm curious if anybody here relates. Sometimes I do happen to feel aroused and want to talk about that sort of thing but usually it's just that I think it's kinda cool? I'm lucky to have an open minded and noncontrolling partner, but it's just hard to explain that I find sexual things fascinating, often in a non sexual way.

Hello, i am ftm with autism and adhd. And I am 30. I am ace but recently i was as/r and since then i have developed hypersexual tendencies as a trauma response and have starting "self pleasuring" as a stim.

I feel extremely overwhelmed and like.im gonna break and it's the only thing that can help me relax . Even tho I hate what was done to me I am now doing this more than once a day to cope with my overwhelm.

I know some people on the spectrum do this as a stim and its normal to have trauma responses after something horrible but I just need some help.

Please any advice would be great and I will happily answer any reasonable follow up questions ❤️ I'm sorry if this isn't the kind of thing to talk about here.

I (22F) have been friends with X (23M) for 10 years, since 7th grade. He is the only person I have ever been “friends with benefits” with, and I think it’s because we are both autistic. I think we can pick up on each others nonverbal communication so well, we just feel like friends who fuck?

We have always had an attraction to each other, it only becoming sexual in high school.

I can not have this dynamic with anyone else, does anyone else have this?

I recently tried giving my boyfriend a bj but I gagged cuz I couldn’t stand the texture of his penis. It sucks cuz I would like to give him oral cuz he likes giving me oral, am I the only one?😭

I don’t even know how to begin writing this... I’m having issues during sex with my boyfriend that I haven’t really experienced with other partners, and I can’t tell why, or even what exactly is wrong. I’m posting here in the hopes that someone might relate or have advice for me. I apologize for how long & all over the place this is, but it’s been hard to collect or describe my thoughts and feelings.

Some info to give context, I’m autistic w ADHD also. I’m AFAB non binary, and my boyfriend is a cis guy. He’s always been incredibly respectful of my gender identity and has explored different gender presentation himself, I don’t find that my gender or any related dysphoria have anything to do w this. We’ve been together for 6 months and he lives with me, we share a room. I’ve had several sexual partners before we got together (long term relationships, FWB, and one off hookups) but I’m his first. He is the first AMAB person I’ve been in a relationship with.

I usually enjoy sex a lot, and in my previous relationship I had the higher sex drive. But in my current relationship, my boyfriend is in the mood quite often. I’ve started having weird feelings during sex that are difficult to name or describe (Alexithymia makes that such a challenge… sigh). It doesn’t happen every time, but often enough that I want to do something about it.

During those moments, I’ll sort of space out and become almost unresponsive, but I’m not dissociating, as far as I know. It’s almost like I get bored? I’m not sure.

I feel like I have to mask during sex, like I’m acting or putting on a show. But when I hit that limit or whatever it is, I can’t hold up that facade anymore, and it feels… not good.

With past partners I’ve usually been more submissive, but I’m more dominant and bossy with my boyfriend. Often when I ask him what he wants, he’ll respond with “whatever you want”. I think i’ve noticed my icky feelings may happen less when i’m “in control” but im not sure.

I wonder if I’m having issues sensory wise and that’s contributing to the weird feelings. Even when Im really enjoying myself during sex with him, I have to take time to recover and “come back to my brain” when we finish. I’ll curl up into a ball and I struggle to speak clearly or at all.

Twice, these icky feelings have caused a shutdown which led to a meltdown. Which can be weird to handle when you’re both naked. (though both times he calmly talked to me and sat with me until I felt ok again. he’s never been upset or annoyed with me for that)

My boyfriend has been very understanding and kind with all of my needs related to my autism. He’s said he wants to make sure I feel comfortable and safe, especially when we’re being intimate. Every time i’ve had an issue during sex and needed to stop, he’s made sure i’m taken care of until I feel better. But it gives me so much guilt. I hate that my weird problem is causing issues with our sex life. I hate that I often can’t go for longer than 10 minutes without starting to feel bad. I hate that sometimes he’s not able to finish because of that. And I hate that I struggle to communicate when i’m feeling weird in the moment, because of that guilt.

I’m really lost on what to do. I don’t know what’s wrong or what’s causing me to feel weird/bad. I want to be able to meet his and my needs in that department but it feels like i’m failing. and I know he doesn’t feel that way because he’s told me so. but I just feel so guilty about it anyway.

I’d appreciate any thoughts or advice anyone has for me. thanks

I don’t know how to talk to girls, don’t even know how to start a conversation, never had a first kiss or even held a girls hand, had a hug and that’s it, started going to a kava bar recently but I just don’t know what to do

So I usually prefer long term relationships, including for sex, but right now I'm travelling around the world so that means I'm back to mostly hooking up.

I had sex with about 8 different people the last month and a half. Here's the results, ranked by neurodivergences:

• 2 neurotypical people: horrible sex. Waste of time, would have rather spent the evening replaying Dark Souls.

• 1 ADHD person. It was good. A pleasant evening.

• 1 autistic, non ADHD person: great sex, even though she was a total beginner.

• 4 auDHD people: amazing sex. Glorious. Want more.

Before travelling I would usually hang out / have sex with auDHD people, so I was wondering if it was the ADHD or the autism that worked for me. Turns out it's very probably the autism.

This kind of confirms my previous experiments: sex is much better for me if my partner is autistic (and also better if they're experienced, but that part was obvious).

Does this echoes the experience of other people on this sub?

I've slept with a handful of men and most of them have been able to pick up on my autistic body language even if they're not sure what is going on. Usually they're a bit concerned and ask if something's wrong, ask why I'm not looking them in the eyes, etc.

I then tend to disclose that I have aspergers and reassure them I'll directly tell them if there's a problem, then things continue as normal.

I've never really thought to disclose beforehand but it's happened enough that I wonder if it's worth just getting out of the way.

17M and mentioned I have no friends but the issue why I don’t have any friends is because I overthink, have no social skills and desperate for friends because I feel like I am missing out on my teen years. I am scared to talk to everyone my age. I don’t even have the social skills to get one person to want to hangout with me. I think I have negative body language and a negative person. Also, I have social anxiety. My goal is to have a gf and a couple of close friends. I have tried inviting people to things and got turned down. I thought other autistics were meant to relate but they seem more confident and happier than I am. They have friends and go to parties as well while I am at home depressed.

Anyone have any sucess in finding people open to kinks & aspies specifically into tricophilia? If so please share my luck has been horrible.

I’m a 35F Level 1 Autistic. I’ve had boyfriends before, but nothing too serious. I’m also very religious, so, I’m celibate. I’m having such a hard time finding a man who is serious, and someone who takes my ASD seriously, any pointer to try to find that special man?

17M and I know I need them but I just don’t know how to make them, I’m constantly ignored and treated like shit by people, I have tried to connect with people with the same hobbies but that has done nothing.

Do I be dominate being autistic???? I LOVE being a dom.. absolutely love having control and doing all the work for a pillow princess- there is nothing more pleasurable for me. But I’m gentle, I’m not confident in myself, and I’m not strong physically- I’m super awkward and I cannot take myself seriously. I don’t like being dominated and it honestly just becomes a competition if someone tries. I just kinda suck at it. My poor partner, bless her heart she loves being dominated! We are very sexually compatible- problem is I literally have no idea what I’m doing. We’ve talked about what we like, how we like things, it’s just the execution from my end. Is it just about building confidence?? I’m kind of at a loss here- I want to feel in control and sexy instead of not stumbling over myself- any seasoned doms here wanna help?🥲

Note: I can't figure out how to add a flair, as it says 'unavailable for this community,' so I'm leaving it alone for now.

I am not 1000% certain I'm autistic, but my friends keep telling me I am. I know I'm ADHD and have sensory issues, and I can't really think of or find a better place to post this.

Relevant things that I'm not sure how to integrate: I have a boyfriend; I am sex-repulsed asexual; I am into bondage (no, those are not mutually exclusive); I have a vulva; I'm genderfluid; and I prefer non-gendered language.

So, I found out I was into bondage when I was in middle school, which is around the same time I figured out how to masturbate. Mechanically, it tends to involve pulling something up between my legs--presumably to stimulate my clit, though I wouldn't know what a clitoris was or anything of the sort until sometime in the past year or two. I've found, much more recently, that I can masturbate by moving my hand around against that general area of my vulva. Notably, I always do it with underwear on or some other cloth in between my hand and my vulva. I really don't like the feeling of being 'wet' and I usually need to wash my hands several times when I'm done, but I like the physical pleasure of masturbation/orgasm.

I find, however, that sometimes these methods just... don't work. Bondage helps, especially knotted crotch ropes, but not always. I feel like there might be more efficient ways of doing this, and hopefully less messy ones. I think I just can't always find the 'sweet spot,' because there's cloth and/or flesh in the way, but its really icky if there's not cloth in between. I don't like the feeling of medical gloves, and they kind of take me out of the mood aside from just Feeling Bad On My Hands, so I don't use them. I've never really tried insertion because of my sensory issues, though I've been contemplating getting a vibrator. Although, a lot of toys seem like you're supposed to insert them, so I'm not really sure. I want to be able to do this, and maybe teach my boyfriend too since there's some bondage that just isn't feasible alone (and it feels really good if there's masturbation involved.)

Do y'all have any ideas? Are there other ways of masturbating that I'm missing? Are there types of vibrators that I can use without insertion?

I am 24 (f) and I feel like I developed quite late. I’ve never had any interest in relationships or sex however recently I’ve started feeling very horny which is quite new to me. But I haven’t enjoyed masturbating with my hands. I just ordered a satisfyer pro and a dildo to try! For me masturbating is definitely a sensory seeking stim more than anything, I do kind of wish I could try sex though just out of curiosity

Just realising that I am open to a lot more things on the weirder side than most people I have ever talked to. Just super open and curious, and I thought I read somewhere that was a spectrum thing. In particular the different sensory things, as opposed to role playing etc. I won’t go into detail because I’m not sure it’s necessary and not sure this sub would appreciate such graphic information, but I could if anyone who is an adult wanted to talk about it (purely on scientific grounds - lol), in a less public (although pseudo-anonymous) environment, feel free to dm. Other than that, I’d love to hear your thoughts in this post, or anyone wanted to share.

Does anyone else experience sensory discomfort and mental blocks in the moments when intimacy is initiated but you aren’t turned on yet? When you want to get to the point of being turned on, but the foreplay hasn’t yet caught up to your brain and you just want to shove the other person away? For me I know I can’t ignore this feeling every time so please don’t suggest that. I want to be turned on, I just want advice on tools or tips that you have found to help you get there easier/faster.

17M and have no social skills, no social life and no one I can hangout with. I also have Asperger’s, I do have aquaintances but I just don’t know how to connect with them. And yes I have tried to connect with people who have the same interests. I just want a girlfriend man. I feel like an outsider.

18M and that’s my situation. Before you guys tell me to make friends, I already have tried to, I just can’t connect with anyone despite common interests. It’s weird.

I’m on a sex dating app and in my bio I changed it to say I want someone to “spoil me”. I meant spoil me sexually bc that’s the context of this app. Apparently everyone else, including the app itself, thought I meant spoil me with money.

I totally see it now. But anyway, the app froze my account and sent a notification to all my matches that I was frozen. I have matches I’ve been playing with for over a month and they mean a lot to me. I was so stressed out that I might lose them and then I was really embarrassed they all knew I had been frozen.

Really triggered my rsd, couldn’t stop crying for maybe an hour. It was a combo of being reprimanded for not knowing the hidden meaning behind a word, that reprimanding being shown to others, and the potential of losing my matches. Just a reminder that the rejection in RSD can look all different ways.

My account is unfrozen now, they told me how to fix it, and my main match explained things and soothed me. Talking to him, getting out my fidget and my favorite movie helped my melt down.

(I'm Male) For context, I'm fairly quiet, and I managed to get a girlfriend a while ago but we broke up because we didn't see it really working out, but stayed friends. Long story short, managed to arrange a hookup, time and day. Haven't discussed further other than staying the night. But I'm pretty sure it is a hookup, I got hints a while ago at it.

But this is my first time every, I'm a virgin. I've gotten advice about how to ease nerves, like foreplay (blowjobs, hugs, kissing, touching, etc) but with my sensory issues, not sure how it'd feel for me. But likewise, I feel so nervous thinking about it though.

So I've been flirting and sexting with a friend for a few months now. She was extremely receptive for the whole time and seemed pleased and excited to sext with me. But a few weeks ago (I think) she gradually stopped responding to messages that were flirty or sexually charged. I've brought it up to her and asked if she would like me to stop, and was told nothing is wrong and she INSISTED we continue flirting and sexting like normal. But still she doesn't reciprocate at all. I've tried to initiate like 4 times as blatantly as I could while trying to still be sexy but either very little response or none at all. But other than that, her behavior in every other aspect of our lives hasn't changed in the slightest, so it's not like she's mad or repulsed by me, right??

I've decided to ignore her insistence to keep flirting and sexting like normal because I'm thinking she might be scared of hurting my feelings if she said she didn't want to anymore, but I could also be blowing this out of proportion. I'm autistic so it's very possible I totally missed a bunch of signals, but is this sudden lull in our intimacy just a phase or is she actually trying to tell me something???

I’m in love with a wonderful beautiful woman that happens to also be on the spectrum.

I’m the lovey dovey affectionate type. Her on the other hand totally opposite. It’s hard on me because I’m living my life without affection or real intimacy. She has an issue with kissing. I love to kiss. She has a big issue with giving oral sex. Yeah, that’s a major bummer. Our sex life is OK, we have a decent amount of sex. But I’d rather make love. She’s fine with just intercourse, like what I’d call a quickie. But no foreplay or holding afterwards. After I orgasm, she just jumps right up out of bed and goes about her day. lol

I’ve expressed to her that I need intimacy. She nods and it seems like she understands but……I still get nada in the lovey dovey department.

Can someone explain what’s going on in her beautiful mind?

I don’t want to leave the relationship. But when I express I need X and she doesn’t make the effort how can I stay? I just don’t understand. Someone please help me.

As the title suggest I really struggle with a disconnection between my brain and body when it comes to anything sexual, mainly getting into the mood.

Even when my husband tries to initiate or use foreplay my brain doesn't get the signals yet my body does.

Like I want to have sex but my brain doesn't seem to get it and it really sucks. Anyone else struggle with this and any tips would be greatly appreciated.

I dont know how to actually get out there, and like "get sex" or however to phrase it. I want to be direct that i basicly am only after the sexual contact, but i dont know how to do that?

Id love input and maybe help?