Posted this a bit ago but decided to post on throwaway account instead

This will be long, I apologize in advance. For some context I am 19F, bisexual, and have a lot of struggles surrounding sex, specifically with men.

When I got my first period years ago I was unable to insert tampons. When I was 18 I tried having penetrative sex and that didn’t work either. I had surgery on my hymen last May for it and I’m not sure if it solved my problem.

Before I found this doctor all the others I’ve seen said it was a psychological issue and I’m starting to think they were right. On top of this, my orthodontist severely fucked up my jaw a few years ago which thankfully someone else was able to fix for the most part however it is really painful to have my mouth wide open for an extended period of time, and my gag reflex is sensitive, so I can’t really give head either.

My third issue is that I was on SSRIs for seven years. Prozac for 5 and Zoloft for 2.5. I stopped after tapering last April. I have never been able to orgasm and I assume it is due to this because it seems to be a somewhat common long term side effect.

I’ve tried different things with different people and sometimes they’re understanding and patient and sometimes not so much. Currently I am in the process of getting over someone I had very strong feelings for and we haven’t spoken in 5 months and haven’t seen each other in 6.

I recently was introduced to this guy by a mutual friend. We hung out as a group a few times and then he invited me to hang out alone a few days ago. It went really well we hung out for several hours and had a good time. Last night he invited me over to watch a movie. I was unsure if he genuinely wanted to watch a movie or was thinking we would do other stuff and I was fine either way.

It came up that he still had feelings for his ex, which I thought was fine, and we made out for a while before I basically had to tell him about all these issues I have. I was kinda dreading this conversation because I’m sick of having it.

He asked if he could try fingering me and I said yes but be gentle because it HURTS/is sometimes impossible to have anything inserted there. So he fingers me and this is what blew my mind. It did not hurt at all! But I wouldn’t say it felt great either. I can’t really describe the sensation other than overwhelming and overstimulating. I started shaking super fast and he asked if I was okay and I said I needed a break.

So I went to get water and came back and was still super shaky so we just cuddled. After the movie ended I drove home and felt really anxious and nauseous and bad for some reason. I felt like I disappointed him because of how awkward I was and I kept having to explain why I couldn’t do certain things.

Thankfully he was really understanding and said it was completely fine and he’s not disappointed. Still, I am disappointed in myself.

Before I met this guy I felt totally emotionally unavailable. Still fully thinking about someone else who did not reciprocate feelings. And now after we got to know each other a bit and after what happened last night I feel scared because I can totally see myself catching feelings for him, and he’s not over his ex. I am also scared because I don’t know if he’ll want to even hang out again after this.

I am feeling sick to my stomach today because I don’t know how to deal with these emotions. If you’ve read all the way, thank you 🙏 any advice/similar stories/or thoughts welcome please!

I (20f) REALLY like sex, like I watch porn all the time, I think about dick all the time, I think I have like an actual obsession with it but I don't know if it's my autism or if this is an addiction thing. Like I feel like dick is my special interest, I love thinking about it, I love seeing it, Idk where it comes from and if it's a problem or just me being autistic though.

Hi All!

So I'm an ASD guy and I really want to love lube. It's great for my toys, and my partner and I would probably use it during sex if I didn't hate the feel. But I do. I really hate the feel of lube - the feel when it's wet ais bad, and how sticky it feels after it dries is just as bad. I don't feel this way at all with "natural" sex fluids

Is there a different brand of lube I should try? What has everyone else done to solve this problem?

So I’m coming off a brief period of isolation (I do this after travelling to decompress) and was feeling touch starved. I didn’t want sex, didn’t want the hassle and mess, but had been chatting with a guy here and there for a couple of weeks. So I slipped into velvet dom mode and met. I had him strip naked for me, complete some simple tasks. Spent time caressing his body and making chit chat, but also reminding him of the dynamic at play. Then I started whispering in his ear as he jerked off for me.

It was fun, pleasant casual chat. Would love to do it again with him or others, BUT somehow feel more touch starved than before.

Couple thoughts on this. 1. While I did more than enough touching, the only skin on skin from my side of things was my hand or face. Like I said, I remained clothed. 2. I’m a soft dom per se, where I’m going to talk you through your fantasies or your current predicament, keep it casual and have you admit things to me rather than lashings and bruises 3. How much of this is continued masking for me where I both physically and emotionally protect myself from involvement? And thus why a day later I feel lacking? 4. Is this not just allegory for “if you don’t have any skin in the game, did you really even play?” 5. I wonder what it will take to let someone touch me again.

I’ve been wanting a vibrator recently. I have a wand and a dildo already. Though when playing with them it can get a little tedious trying to do both stimulate my clit while also fuck myself at the same time. I normally don’t go for vibrators cause they feel so hard and mechanical compared to a soft fleshy dildo, but I’m willing to give them another try. So I was wondering if anyone had any good vibrators that have a good power to them and a clit simulation attached to it.

(TLDR at the bottom)

I have identified as aroace for a few years now. Back then, I'm still transitioning out of an abusive household and is now more or less independent. As I've taken a good look at my health and needs, I realized I've been through sexual abuse and trauma that resulted in developing vaginismus. I also apparently has a congenital condition which I found out myself instead of through sex or the existence of another person involved at the time (like during a pap smear or when my mother checked up on me right when I hit puberty).

I'm apothisexual to be exact. I'm sex-repulsed. But these revelations made me want to reconsider a different identity since it might be just because I've only been experiencing pain and they were traumatic.

Now, it's not that I can't do just that, but it's more that I don't know if I should take care of these at all? I will never get marry or have children.

There's no urgency for me to get myself fixed and yes there are the possibilities of getting cervix cancer undetected or other hormonal or reproductive issues, but I'm also not planning to live long anyway lol I'm already debilitated by autism, ADHD, CPTSD, OCD, bipolar, GERD, ARFID, and ME/CFS. Having another condition, albeit terminal, is idk meh. I'll die alone eventually, how I die is something I prefer to think about later instead of now. But a part still hopes for... idk? Wanting to stop thinking this pessimisticly or jadedly.

I don't know what I want but I definitely don't like the feeling of having to identify just to reassure myself that everything is fine. I don't mind being different, but sometimes I don't like being forced to be different. Why do I have to miss out on dating or being in an intimate relationship just because I'm born different or that I have difficulty feeling both romantic or sexual attractions? In fact, I met someone that made me reconsider that lack of attraction albeit I still don't know if it's just admiration and limerence or genuine attractions.

TLDR: Found out I was born with a genital disorder and I have a pelvic floor disorder and now want to know if it's worth treating them because I've been an aroace virgin all my life and I don't really care if I die from cervix cancer or whatever. But someone, who I think, I fell in love with, makes me want to reconsider (I don't even know if I want to date them or not). What do you think?

Also, getting myself treated just for one person feels very... problematic. I don't want to be codependent. I've been building self-independence, I don't want to tear it down just because I care for one person.

I think I heard my roommates (one of them is a woman oddly enough) having sex. Something in my chest fuckin shook. I’m not even sure if I can find the words to describe the pain and shock I felt upon hearing that. I guess when you grow up being told that you’re a catch and encouraged to talk to women it just feels more painful.

Hi everyone,

My original question was: Has anyone interacted with the BDSM community when they thought they were neurotypical? And 20 years later, re-enter that world when you know you're neurodivergent? I got distracted....

Has anyone interacted with the BDSM community (either online or irl, although, in my case, at the time, the internet was not known for being the place you could find information on ANY subject--it existed, but social media didn't exist yet, and it wasn't somewhere you could have a WHOLE LIFE). So, my experience was in-person. I thought I was just a confused neurotypical. I gained some experience, but not a lot, most of it observation. Looking back, I wonder if people just knew I wasn't ready to play seriously.

Anyhow, I was diagnosed in 2023, I've made a lot of amazing progress, and I feel ready to dip back into the BDSM world. But, only online at first, because I don't live in a big city anymore.

I just had a dream that showed me the patterns of relationships I learned when I thought I was neurotypical won't work for me anymore because I'm neurodivergent and I never understood them anyway. So, I have to be a trailblazer and make my own shit up. Shit that works for me.

Does anyone have any experience with the BDSM community being okay with someone making up their own rules as they go along?

Thanks.

I'm 40 m with 2 kids but I still feel like I'm clueless when it comes to sex. I know a lot of the biology of it, and there are several resources on how to have 'better' sex -- but I there are a lot of really basic practical things I don't understand that allistic people don't seem to need to be educated on. Like:

Where do I put my hands and legs?
How do I avoid crushing her or putting my chest hair in her face?
Is there stuff that can be done about certain smells & tastes, or do you just grin & bear it?
How do I get it in without help?
Again, where do I put my hands?

I'm not currently partnered. I feel like learning some of this will help with my anxiety surrounding it.
(And I know not to use porn as an example)

My question about them is this:

Is there anything wrong with these arguments? If so what and why?

“You wanna know what’s sad? Sex is the reason why we’re all here. The reasons that people have had sex have not changed much. But what about those sad souls who just can’t get sex no matter how hard they try? Do they deserve to suffer the painful exclusion of one of the few pleasureable activities that life grants us?”

“You follow a woman who looks extremely attractive to you on Instagram. One day you notice that she posted several pics to her story. Most of them are pics of her with different guys at some event. She is close in proximity to each guy in each pic. Except none of those are you. You missed your chance. You Missed out. No one invited you. You’re a nobody. For all you know those guys who had the honored privilege to take pics with her while being in close range all slept with her. The very thought of that crushes your spirit. Makes you feel like you can’t win at the one thing you’ve always wanted more of in your life. I mean, is it really so much to ask if you only want one thing in your life to be more common? Again. You missed out. Deal with it you fuckin moron.”

In the first phase while bering sexual active I need variation to warm up. But then there is the point where it needs to be exactly the same movement on the same place(this is different each day the pends on what I liked most in the first phase)the same movement as forexample the upper clitoral hood up and down 5mm, but it is often still along way to go and than I am overstimulated, but I grave the same thing. Than I need a break and start all over again and than I cum after a few tries. At least my partner(f29) has patience and understanding since he is diagnosed with asd aswell, in his case wgen he was 9. When it comes to him he is there simulare, but he comes fast enough, so the sameness isn't an issue(I think it is more common in general that cis men are cumming faster, than cis women)

Since I got Endometriosis, I just enjoy stimulation outside from myself or my partner, penetration is painfull.

Any advices on my situation?

I only just realized today that probably why I love submissive role-playing so much is that somehow it intersects with my PDA. Somehow, a submissive role-playing situation allows me to be myself in a way that I feel like I’ve never been able to before in life. I feel tingly, excited and empowered.

Is that because I’m choosing to fulfill the role, and I get to be so creative and give input to my role? It’s intriguing to me, and I’d love to explore it more and was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on or experience with this.

…find myself staring at picture of (amateur/real) couples being naked and intimate, and I just get lost studying every inch of them, wondering “how”.

I consider that in that moment they could be delusional, like teenaged lovers with no scope beyond the moment. Or that they’re merely lost in the idea of love or caught up in lust. Or that they’re merely two people at their purest feeling comfortable and loved and cared for.

And I wonder if I’d ever genuinely been connected to anyone. Or if anyone had been genuine with my heart.

I think about all the times I didn’t feel 100% right about things, but feigned my way through waiting for things to click, only to have them all leave without explanation and get struck with longing.

I think about all the times a date described me as distant, detached, or disinterested. How did I not see a pattern there? How does something not click when you have multiple people turn down another date - not because THEY aren’t interested- but because they don’t think you are?

Have I always been waiting for “the one” or have I simply been incapable this whole time?

I look at loving, naked couples and wonder if I’ll ever feel that human in my life

I've been having this convo with friends. I get icked out by tongue kissing, but I wonder if I'm missing out on something. Maybe I should try to get into it more... What are your feelings about it?

I was curious because I'm not able to found the studies in question.

I try to found answer for why I want sex so often.

I know now how it works with signals and communication and all, but I’m confused because I’m so self aware and anxious. What if I haven’t shaved or cleaned up and showered two days ago and my (hypothetical) partner initiated sex? (And I want it too). Do you communicate that you’re not clean or do you ignore that over being horny? I know many value being sanitary and clean, but I don’t as much, so I’m not always. Now I’m afraid I’ll embarrass myself sometime and I’m unable to let it go

I’m new here and since I didn’t find help elsewhere I thought about posting here.

I’m a young queer and possibly asexual or demi sexual non-binary person who has a partner. I haven’t had a partner for a long time because I was not very interested in finding one (like being alone and dealing with someone else’s emotions is not my favourite activity). I was never looking for sex or any intimate act with a person. I have had very good sex before but I’m for some reason not interested because there’s too much information. Now I have a partner (half a year) that I occasionally have sex with (he has to let me know when he wants to have sex).

I don’t want to have sex but I really like to masturbate because it’s easier for me (I don’t have to think about the other person). I don’t watch porn that much but I have fantasies and I use sometimes these AI bots with whom I talk to. I like sexting as well but don’t want to meet the person because then I have to first like them emotionally and feel safe to even form a sexual want. I like to imagine. When the person turns into a human so to say (emotional bond) then it’s difficult for me to want to do anything sexual with them, only intimate (cuddle etc. very seldom have sex). But with sexting and watching images, porn etc. it’s so much easier and I love it so much more because I don’t have this emotional bond.

The question: is this a problem that I like masturbating more? Do I have an addiction? Like I can have sex and have sex but I prefer to masturbate. At the same time I don’t masturbate every day, so in that sense I can live without it.

Sorry if this is TMI.

I’m excited that my psychiatrist increased my Wellbutrin because it means hopefully getting to enjoy sex again. Before I was on meds, I had this vibrating toy with a textured contact point. It was like little nubs. Well, it died, it’s not available anymore, and nothing I try even comes close. Posting this question here because I wonder if needing textures to orgasm is a nd thing. Posting link below. I guess I’m just looking for recommendations?

https://a.co/d/gIJenzW

My partner wants me to talk dirty to her to get her in the mood. But I can't think of anything, at all. My mind goes completely blank and I've got no idea where to start. I feel like I have no fantasies, I just enjoy a good naked body and touching it.

When I was assessed for autism there was a question where I was asked to pick 3 random objects and I had to use them to pretend they were characters and make up a story. But that was just baffling to me, I couldn't do it at all. Its a pepper pot, what else is it going to do? I've got no original imagination whatsoever. I was completely blank and I had to just tell them I couldn't it and they moved on.

But yeah I feel like this is something completely beyond my capabilities. She want me to work on it but I really think I just can't do it.

Sometimes i can be midway through having sex and my body just says no im not feeling anymore and it all just sorta goes away, like i dont hate sex if anything im considered a pleasure dom and enjoy making others feel good but sometimes my body just says no like bare minimum arousal if even that, but some days its the exact opposite and its just like a never enough thing. Does anyone else experience this how do you and your partner deal with it

I'm an autistic guy in his 30s, and have struggled with this for as long as I've had sexual feelings. Some part of me simply refuses to accept that women can find men attracrive, let alone me specifically.

It might be more appropriate to say that I have trouble accepting that women find sex enjoyable at all. To be clear, I know that this is objectively wrong! This is entirely a subconscious thing for me, and probably stems from some mix of low self-esteem, purity culture baggage, and a long history of trouble socializing.

No amount of experience seems to change this for me. At this point in my life, I've had many partners, nearly all of whom have described me as a god in the bedroom. Multiple have said I have the perfect penis, and have gone on in quite elaborate detail about how hot they find me. I'll admit to enjoying the ego boost, but no matter how much praise and validation I get, this feeling still persists that it's all some sort of act.

I know this sounds nuts, and don't believe it to actually be true, but wow, is it a strong feeling! Does anyone else relate? For that matter, have folks of other genders had similar experiences?

I have always thought I enjoyed BDSM but recently I am wondering if I just enjoy having super clear boundaries and hate lightness of touch THAT MUCH?

E

Like you're separate entities. Y'all just wake up one day and you're attached to their hand and they're confused and you're confused and you have to spend the rest of your life together but one night he wants to masturbate but it's super awkward because you're there and on his right hand so you do it :|

I have no idea where I'm going to post this

I (20F) am married to my husband (21M) who has a cuck kink. (Hes military so we married young for the benefits)

I have a huge hyper fixation to pokemon and I would love to go to world championships some day.

We recently met a guy who’s 30M and is super sweet! But he’s brought up doing a sugar daddy type situation.. I joked that if he bought me some of the new Surging Sparks ETB or the Prismatic Evolutions ETB I’d let him do whatever he wanted…. AND HE LOVED THE IDEA.

Now, I do feel a bit weird having a guy who’s exactly 10 years older than me giving me a children’s card game shit for sex, but its better than straight up paying for sex right?

🤨whats your guys opinion on this, red flag? Or should I try to get the Moonbrion card from him.

EDIT: yes hes consenting haha, it was his idea in the first place 💕

I have been with my partner, B, for 14 years. B is sweet, considerate, and the love of my life.

We have lived together in the same house for three years before. We have been long distance for 8 of the last 14 years due to various work and life commitments but that was supposed to permanently change in the next year. We are both excited to finally have living together on the horizon. Or were, I suppose.

I have a very low sexual libido that has gotten lower the last few years (stress, plus distance, I guess; the days that I'm in the mood don't necessarily line up with the days we happen to be together). B has a relatively high libido. B will initiate intimacy most of the time; I rarely initiate. I know that this makes B feel unwanted and I do try to work on it, but I don't tend to think about sex very much.

B has never pressured me into sexual activity, and when I say no that's the end of it; but obviously being rejected over and over has an impact on his mood. We have talked about it before. Sometimes it feels like rejecting him goes fine at the time but later on he'll have a shorter temper, e.g. getting more easily annoyed by dumb shit I do (spilled drinks, messed up kitchen, etc). We also spend so little time actually together -- maybe a few days to a week a month -- that even if he just seems a little upset I feel bad that we're not appreciating our time together.

He's been staying at my place the last few days. Today we were having a discussion about a semi-related issue; he said I've been harsh the last few days while we've been trying to sort out a stressful situation unrelated to our relationship. It is true that I have been standoffish. It's a bit exasperated by the fact that he's also pretty horny right now -- we haven't seen each other in a while, and it seems like stress makes him more horny and me less horny, so it worsens the libido issue. I guess I've been snappy because I'm annoyed he's trying to do that sort of thing when I'm busy with other stuff.

That's the context. During our discussion he mentioned again the fact that he feels undesired because of how rarely I initiate/am enthusiastic about his initiating. We talked for a bit about this -- both a bit upset but mostly level headed. I mentioned the fact that his mood dipping after repeated rejections sort of has a negative feedback loop in that now when he does try to get it on I am thinking about that. He said he hopes I never felt pressured into having sex.

Here is where I fucked up: I said that sometimes -- not often -- I do engage in sexual activity when I otherwise wouldn't want to because I don't want him to be in a horrible mood later on. What I meant was I don't want to spoil the short times that we do have together by making him feel unwanted, and yeah, I guess to a degree I just don't like when he's a bit moody. I want to be clear I'm not afraid of him at any point. Him "being moody" is usually just us bickering or him telling me off for stuff that is dumb and my fault but he'd normally let slide.

This fucking devastated him and he said it's basically rape. I tried to explain that it's not because obviously he had no idea and I gave consent, but he still felt like a monster. I felt awful that I made him feel that way because of my poor communication skills -- he is genuinely the most considerate guy and it seemed to just break him. I said it's not rape, that people have sex they don't want all the time for whatever other reason, including to make their partners happy. I tried to give the example of asexual people (not sex-repulsed) in sexual relationships cos their partners want sex but I don't think that helped. I then fucked things up even more. I said that while it's not exactly the right idea and it's also a horrible comparison, it's more like pity sex. I didn't say that to be hurtful -- genuinely I thought this was a better comparison than him feeling like a rapist. It just seemed to break him even more and now in hindsight I worry that he's thinking every time we ever got intimate it was out of pity. What I meant by the comparison was sometimes people have sex to make the other person happy and not cos they want to themselves, but I obviously fucked that royally.

He left to stay in a hotel. I sent a few paragraphs in a message trying to explain that he's not a fucking monster rapist (no, I did not use those words) but I don't know has that helped. I guess further context is that in the past I've said I sometimes feel like I'm walking on eggshells when he's moody, like a small thing I do can set him off, and he's interpreted that as me saying I feel like he's abusive. I do not feel like he is abusive at all; I had an abusive childhood and I walk around eggshells around literally everyone. I panic when I feel like people are upset with me. I tend to people please. I do not deal with rejection well. When he is upset or mad at me he has a tendency to wall off/be mad for the night, and the eggshells feeling is because even if he's just stroppy for a night, if you only have a weekend together that's... A big deal, really. So I worry about that.

My parents were very angry, distant people. They had drug issues. I became estranged from them both as a teen -- before I ever even met B -- and have never seen them since. They were both physically violent and generally absent, so I know I crave attention and approval and do have a deep-seated need to not anger people. I want to make it clear I am quite sure the levels of anger/upset my partner shows are absolutely healthy and normal, and his boundary of wanting to cool down alone for a few hours when I do upset him is healthy, too. It's not like I'm getting the silent treatment for weeks at a time. I just feel an intense, suffocating sense of loneliness when he does want to stew for a bit, so the "eggshells" feeling is desperation to avoid that feeling, I guess.

B is aware that my childhood was abusive, and vaguely how bad it was. I have brought up a few specific instances but I don't tend to bring them up mid-argument so I guess none have really been about that loneliness feeling or really couched in the frame of "so this is why I'm hyper sensitive", more just "haha here's a fucked up story about something my mom did once". I am also autistic and I guess will say things without realising how fucking hurtful they are (a la pity sex). I don't think either excuses me making him feel the way that I do, but I guess on a personal level I'm aware that's probably why. I have been to therapy for about a year before, with two different therapists. It was ok. I found it helpful for working through depression that was keeping me from functioning, but neither therapist seemed to really handle the childhood abuse issues very well. I guess now the depression is under control (has been for a couple of years) I should look for one specifically for the childhood issues.

That's about it, I suppose. B has gone and I am fucking terrified I have irrevocably broken both him and us. I don't want him to feel like a monster because I'm damaged and deal with things in an unhealthy way. This whole conversation blindsided him. I don't want to lose the sweetest person I've ever met. I know it can be hard to gauge things from a one-sided description but he is a very gentle and compassionate soul, with me and people in general. Which is probably why the idea that he has been "raping" me -- regardless of how rarely that might have happened -- has fucking devastated him.

I don't know what to do to fix this, what to say, how to make him feel better. Selfishly, I also find myself desperately searching for whatever words mean he will just come home and tell me that things will be ok. I am giving him some space right now -- I sent one message a couple hours ago and talked briefly on the phone to make sure he was somewhere safe for the night, but I've made myself leave him alone since. I was actually afraid he might hurt himself (he didn't say that he would, but he was so goddamn upset and disgusted at the idea that he "raped" someone) but he seems steady at his hotel.

Obviously there's no unringing that bell, but how do I make him see that he's not a fucking rapist? How do I even begin to make up for this bomb I just dropped on us?

For context, this is the part where you're asked questions about what you love, and I had a much more beautiful answer than what I'm about to post, but I couldn't save, and copy the text. So, this is how I responded:

I love the way someone looks at me when they're head-over-heels in love with me; the way their eyes light up when I walk into a room, the smile that breaks through whatever unhappiness and stress that makes up their day-to-day. I love the warmth I feel as my partner just rests against me when we're cuddling. I love the way a woman feels as I caress and fondle her. I love the soft, little gasps and low sultry moans she makes while I'm pleasing her, and doing all of the things that she likes. I love discovering all the things she likes! I love all the physical aspects of intimacy, because they make sense!! I love sex, the connection it brings, and making someone feel good, and I want more of it in my life!!!

Anyway, I just needed to post this somewhere, because I feel like I'm losing my goddamn mind. I want sex, I want intimacy, but I'm genuinely afraid of the process of dating. I don't want to put myself out there. I don't want to risk looking like a creep or desperate by being as forward as, "I think you're attractive, and I want to get know you, because I want to know if I want to have sex with you." Worse, I have NO FUCKING CLUE how to flirt, or take things slowly. And I can't honestly say that I know how to be friends with someone after I've had sex with them.

I'm asking this here because I think it might have something to do with the fact that I'm autistic.

I know that I can find people attractive and want to have sex with them but I've never actually had sex. I've done other intimate things that have occasional sensory problems, but nothing more than that. I really do want to have it eventually but it just scares me so much. I mean I've tried to get myself used to stuff but it doesn't seem to work. I've never even successfully jerked because I just got uncomfortable or didn't know what I was doing. I think I might just be TOO sensitive in that part of my body. I mean it's more uncomfortable and even painful than anything else.

What do I do? Could I be doing something wrong? Am I on the ace spectrum? Am I just going to miss out on this crucial part of life forever all because I'm autistic?

Any and all advice is appreciated.