I recently came out as aromantic (“aro”) – I am a cisgender male, by the way – and I was surprised to find there’s a connection between both the autism and LGBT spectrums, especially the aromantic aspect.

Aromantic means you exhibit little to no romantic attraction towards people of the opposite gender – females, in my case.

That said, is it possible to experience romantic attraction on the autism spectrum, regardless of gender or sexual orientation?

So, I (20F) have been recently diagnosed (as of like maybe two weeks?) and found this Reddit purely by the advice of a friend because I was kind of just rambling to her about my insecurities and awkwardness that I can't seem to shake. Already being diagnosed later in life I have a LOT of thing to work through and accept myself for, I have to work backwards through some trauma too, so I'm unsure if these thoughts are a mixture of everything. Anyway, to where my sex thoughts begin. I've always masturbated a lot. Like pretty daily since maybe 9 or 10, and yeah there's some days or weeks I go without but for the most part it's always a nightly routine cause idk it's a release of a lot of pent up whatever? Gives a nice calm and then go to bed. Now, though I have a girlfriend and we've been together 10 months and we're starting to joke ab intimacy but we've never even kissed. For as long as I can remember I've been worried ab kissing people (and honestly I can pin point this back to a solid 2 instances or being humiliated for basic human emotions while in a relationship) and can't break past this. When I know there's a chance it can happen it's like there's this urge I have to get as far away as possible because I'm going to embarrass myself. And I WANT to kiss her god I want to so bad but I can't make the move myself. In my head I think I would WANT her to lead and tell me what I need to do but I'm also so sensitive and emotional that if I get slightly flustered I start crying so even if I'm really into it I'm gonna start sobbing. Not hyperventilating but like heavier than just a cry during sex? And I mean crying while KISSING just feels, so so stupid. Is there anyone else that's just SO full of emotion you cry over everything? And this entire flurry of thoughts came bc she sent me lewds and GIRL coochie throbbing, face beat red, steam out of my ears but I don't know what to do in this situation??? Literally fumbled over my words (we were on call) and said thanks and that was that. Do I send her some back? But I'm already super self conscious so I'm not sure? What constitutes too far? Her sending that means she likes me, I mean we're dating so ofc, but like, sends LEWDS that obviously means there sexual desire right? Like I shouldn't be going in circles???? These are signs and I'm just ? Going in circles in my mind cause I want it but I'm scared and what if I'm reading it wrong but like I know I'm not but also I'm a virgin and have done NOTHING with another person before so????? (Also she's told me she's a bottom and while I've had dreams before that I've topped I'm p sure no matter what you're going to need to tell me what to do or else I'll overthink it). Anyway that's the end. Kind of just wanted to release these somewhere that maybe someone else can see them and maybe relate? Maybe give me tips on how to deal with this? I know it's a lot of introspective work and working on myself but that's the issue. I don't know where to start.

I´m an autistic person and very hypersexual, but my boyfriend is very less sexual, its kind a problem from time to time but, there ir something that I very love it and I need and demand he give his dick and I can give him a blowjob. I'm really into my boyfriend's dick, is georgeous, the perfect size, and I always love that he cum in my mouth so I can drink all his delicious semen. I could be given him bj all day. But I have a question for everyman here.... where do men prefer to cum, because I always deep throat my bf and he came directly into my throat, so I don't know if he prefer do it some where else, or is a whatever... Is anyone here that can relate whith this..... is very intimate talk about this, even with my bf.

Alright, y'all. Recently I (24M) got my shit together and worked on myself. I lost a lot of weight, learned how social skills work, and improved my self-confidence. Prior to this, I had only had a few sexual experiences, all of which were awkward and uncomfortable for me, and I eventually decided to step back from dating. I've been happy just working on projects, reading, and exercising, and where I'm at right now is by far the best my life has ever been.

Recently, I've started getting a LOT more attention from women, both from women that I personally know and random people in my town. At first I thought I might be imagining things, since I've never been flirted with before recently, but at this point three of my coworkers have aggressively flirted with me. It's been really nice, honestly. It's done a lot for my confidence and has almost gotten rid of my last traces of body dysmorphia. I want to have sex again, I feel like I'm ready to have sex again, and now it seems like I have opportunities.

The only problem is I'm dealing with some kind of mental block. Whenever I get close, my anxiety spikes and I find it difficult to talk. It's not the lump in your throat, butterflies in your belly feeling; I've gotten comfortable talking to women and I can function when I have that feeling. Lately I started flirting back with one of my coworkers, and I've been getting comfortable with that as well.

But when sex is an almost guaranteed thing, I get uncomfortable. I left a party because it was quickly turning sexual for everyone involved, and I got kind of scared. Immediately after I left I felt silly, and wished I had stayed. The source of my discomfort isn't some deeply held belief or anything, it just feels like a knee-jerk reaction that gets in the way of nice things.

Can any of y'all relate? I'd appreciate any kind of advice you can offer me.

I am a 20F virgin. My boyfriend is too which makes me less worried…This is going to sound very weird, but I have a VERY high sex drive for a woman…yet I can’t do any penetration. I masturbate quite often and only get a clitoral orgasm + a single orgasm. My frustration and borderline anxiety is I have VERY bad vaginismus. I can’t even use tampons, it burns and my vagina barely opens up. I can fit a pinky finger in at the most. I have been to my gynecologist many times and she looked down there, all normal. She knew immediately, she’s a great doctor and I trust her. But I literally CANNOT get my vagina to cooperate 🥴😭 I’m very frustrated and have tried lube, and even a small dildo while stimulating my clitoris at the same time, did NOTHING. I love my boyfriend and I want our first time together to be special and not extremely painful.

So my question is, how do I help this? There isn’t a ton of information about it despite my gyno saying it isn’t that uncommon.

Also, should I start with oral and work our way up with trust? This is what I am leaning to, as we can work together and discuss before hand what the situation is. We are very open and I am not very concerned about it besides the fact he might get paranoid and too worried. He’s super sweet and caring, but I don’t want that to ruin the mood.

Last thing. He has had a previous porn addiction he opened up to me about which I am 100% ok with. He is 99% recovered now and has barely any slip ups. However with that in mind, everyone knows porn isn’t even close to real life especially in appearance of body parts. My vulva is dark, and very hairy. I don’t want to wax or DARE even try shaving again, because it makes me feel weird and I get too many ingrown hairs. But because I have PCOS I am a whole ass jungle down there and plan on trimming the length for courtesy 😆 but my main concern is I know I look very normal and like most women out there, but because he watched so much porn I don’t know if he is completely aware of how an average woman looks. I got very dark beef curtains bro 💀💀💀 I don’t mind my appearance down there personally but I am concerned about unrealistic expectations. Because it’s related to his addiction he might be mildly sensitive about that, not sure how to approach it.

Thank you in advance, I know that was a lot. But any advice or personal experience is appreciated!

Edit-thank you for the suggestions so far!

Hi all, second timer (31M) here as of last night. While I’ve been enjoying my newfound loss of my virginity and the act of sex itself, I still struggle to cum. We went at it for hours (with breaks) both times, but never got around to properly finishing. Are there, by chance, any sorts of stimuli that I can use to help with the process? Like anything sensory-pleasing? I’ve heard it’s best to just let it happen and not think about cumming.

Question. How does cum taste and feel for people with food sensory issues? I have an issue with both texture and taste. Just wondering if it would be hell, letting someone nut in my mouth.

Can anyone else with female genitalia orgasm by lying on their back and humping the air? Im using nothing to stimulate me but my phone. Anyone?

Bipolar Type 2 and Autistic genderqueer here.

I was having a pretty bad spiral last night due to guilt and shame. I was vague in my original post, but the gist of things was I had an assault and traumatic sex experiences as a kid. I use stuff like hentai and erotic comics with dark themes and situations similar to that of my assault to not only explore my feelings around it, but to sort of self-medicate in a way to deal with any arousal and hypersexuality that popped up.

And for whatever reason last night I was having a lot of self-doubt and fears. What if the material I use to cope can also be used to contribute to larger issues? What if I'm contributing to problematic systemic problems? What if this implies something more sinister about me? It didn't help that anything I looked up to try and help me on the topic was often anti-porn blogs or rant posts.

So, I decided to make a post. I decided that if what I was doing was problematic and unhealthy, people would point me in the direction of help. And if it wasn't, they'd reassure me.

And boy, did you guys reassure me. Not only that, but so many of you also shared personal experiences and also reached out to me in DMs to make sure I was okay. Guys, when I tell you I was so touched I cried I mean it.

I think I am going to bring up these shame episodes with my psychiatrist, and I might also seek out a therapist who specializes in not only autism but kink. I think I need to sit with my thoughts a bit more before I decide on that, but I just wanted to thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I love you guys and I hope you're having a good night.

…because discomforts and boundaries mean giving up control is next to impossible to do.

I know that sex and kink is 1000% about communication and respect, but when it’s difficult to have a real relationship, and hook ups are all you can get, the trust is never 100% there.

I feel like this has happened in the past, where I end up flipping into dom mode because I’d like to keep going, but have to enforce my (established) boundaries.

In essence, I want to hear your opinions about the difference between loving someone, namely an ex romantic/sexual partner, and being in love with someone. My belief is that there is a difference, and it's a subtle one. In both instances, there is a deep emotional connection, there is a desire to enrich the life of the other person, and there's a desire to help or protect the other person from harm. However, when you're in love someone, the key difference is that you envision sharing your life with them, not just simply being a part of it. For context, I love my ex, but I'm no longer in love with them. We were building a life together, we moved in together, I was learning how to be a parent, and we had some really strong sexual chemistry. Despite all of this, things ended between us. It's been nearly two years, and I'm no longer a part of their life. So much has happened without me, and I miss them. For some time after the breakup I was still in love with my ex; if they'd decided that they wanted to try again, I would've. However, after more than a year's time spent away from each other, that love changed. Eventually, after several conversations with my ex, I came to the conclusion that we were better as friends than partners. We both needed different things from a long term relationship, and we're making progress moving toward a healthy friendship.

I tell you this because I still love my ex, I want nothing more than to see them and their child happy, but I know now that I can't share that life with them. I can still be a part of their life, I can still be someone they can call on in an emergency or just generally need help, but I won't be an integral part; nor they integral to mine. We're no longer in love with each other, because we can imagine a life without each other.

With that said, what are your thoughts? Is there a difference between loving someone and being in love? If so, why? And if not, why?

We’ve known each other for 4 years now, and we’ve been friends ever since, but obviously she only sees me as a friend. Part of me wants to just straight up tell her but at the same time I don’t want to scare her off (I already pushed her away once, and don’t want to do that again). Her and I trust each other, have a lot of common interests, have our goofy and serious moments, and most importantly we understand each other. The hardest part is that we now live in different states, I live in Florida and she lives in North Carolina, and she has what she’s calling a “boy toy,” which according to her is not a boyfriend. She’s the only person I have ever felt a connection like this with. Even in her words she thinks I’m decently attractive and a great guy.

In case you’re curious as to how I pushed her away, long story short she was going through a rough time with her then boyfriend, and I always tried to help when I could, but in the middle of all her drama, my brilliant ass decided to say something stupid and uncalled for. She was so pissed she blocked me and didn’t talk to me for more than a year and a half. During that time I tried reaching out in whatever way I could to apologize and make it right, but after months of trying, I gave up and tried to move on. Then out of the blue last month, I get a random text from her, and we have been talking at least every other day since.

EDIT: I should probably say “want a relationship with” instead of just saying sexually attracted to

I don't know if I fit the description having a paraphilic disorder, but I do feel like some of the fantasies and sometimes even the porn I consume are at odds with the ideals I hold as a feminist. Like sometimes I'm okay with it but then other times I worry I'm contributing to an industry which exploits toxic ideas and bad fantasies. I know there's never a right answer for these things but I just feel like I need to have a dialogue just to know if it's okay or if I need to speak with someone. Is this a grey area? Are these just questions that won't have an answer?

While nudism itself is not inherently sexual, nudity obviously - I mean, duh.

But my question is, how do folks on the spectrum feel about being naked. Is it freeing? Or does it create more sensory issues? Are you comfortable naked around other naked people? Can it be a social thing or just sexual? How much of a role does it play in fun time stuff? Is it tougher to sleep naked or clothed?

I’ve written, edited and rewritten this so many times.

But it’s about parsing my sexual experience to try and figure out what has contributed to which particular issue I’ve got around sex.

TW: I guess. I’m not going to go into detail. But at a young age when experimenting with a girl, we became involved- and I did something she didn’t like so she hit me. Which stopped my interest right away, except she made me continue on. At least one therapist had called this abuse. But I’m just putting that out there.

The next time I did anything sexual was with a boy who said he loved me, who I really badly wanted to kiss. We did and I went along with the stuff he wanted to try, until I no longer felt comfortable and left as politely as I could.

In the first instance, the girl remained a “friend” for decades after, in the second- the boy claimed drunkenness and got mean and shitty as he tried to distance himself from me. But BOTH disavowed that anything had actually happened with me. (The first a successful gaslighting campaign for a some time. Note, I’ve never confronted her about any of this and she’s long been out of my life)

Since then I’ve had a lot of experience, crossed things off bucket lists, did dumb hormonal things, chased curiosities and debatably found myself in relationships… maybe?

I consider myself pretty sharp and aware, but looking back there’s been plenty of times other people would point out when they thought someone was using me. I also think, in hindsight- that if you were to ask people I had dated, whether we were actually dating- opinions would not match up.

All that preamble is to say that I’ve had a lot of sex where I don’t think I enjoyed it, and I wonder if I was masking to be in a relationship, or to become sexual- but the moment it required physical exertion- my brain said nah, and i was forced to convince myself I was into it.

Often I feel as though I’ve successfully masked enough to get into relationships, while a lot of the time I think about how the folks that connect with me always have some sort of extenuating circumstance- such as being poly, or married, divorced, separated, closeted, newly out, rebound etc. I’ve always tried to give folks the benefit of the doubt that most others never gave me,while also still trying to be reasonable- but relationship wise I question whether I’m fully masking, or broken people just see my weird self as no stakes- and the minute they want a “real future”, they leave.

So I don’t know if I’ve ever liked sex… or if I’ve been deeply affected by the trauma of my first two experiences… or if im a demisexual who may not see where im being used BUT know when im not actually loved, thus have trouble truly engaging sexually.

One particular moment haunts me to this day. I’d been seeing a woman who was newly separated, and was trying to be emotionally safe with. There were times I enjoyed sex with her, but there were times where I had to push myself to remain engaged, or just gladly accepted an invite to bed… then just went to sleep because I didn’t want our whole thing to be about sex.

Well, this woman had wanted kids and was worried about her clock- and she asked me the all important question if I’d wanted kids. And I told her “when I had my shit together”. It was an honest reply, even though I knew what she wanted to hear and could have told her just that. She ended up breaking things off with me twice in a two year span, and I still don’t know if she considers us to have formally dated.

But after plenty of therapy and discussion with friends, I came to the realization that I was already a guy who had his shit together- but I couldn’t feel that way because I didn’t feel loved.

So the question remains, if love is THAT important to me- is that where I’m a Demisexual? Did this woman (or anyone else) actually love me, but I was “too autistic” to feel it? Did my earliest experiences stem from some neurodivergent need to go along with stuff someone else wanted me to do- or are they firmly the trauma that’s scarred me to this day?

And finally- how can I be with anyone if I can’t explain what I want and what I bring to a relationship? Seems unfair if I can’t say for certain I will or won’t be sexual.

I am 35F and have been with my partner for 4 years. We love and are attracted to each other but have had trouble in our sex life--to be more specific, my partner has communicated to me that I have a tendency to be robotic in my movements and that my body language does not come off as passionate. I am also sensitive to touch and don't know how to initiate, seduce, et cetera, without coming off as unnatural. I very much enjoy the sexual act, so it grieves me that my partner does not enjoy our sex life because of the reasons listed. I would appreciate any advice, as well as recommended resources for me to learn from. I am not comfortable watching pornography, so I hope there are other ways.

So, I’m a virgin. (21m) I’ve not actually done much beyond basic kissing.

Part of that I’ve felt is from my strong sensitivity to touch. Whenever I’m with a person, or we’re trying to be intimate, I often find myself struggling to be close to them. Things like petting, kissing and even hugging have their difficulties. I tend to pull away at slight contacts in a kind of reflex, and large touches make my skin crawl.

I really want to be intimate with someone, but it feels like something I can’t really do as of now. Does anyone else have a similar situation or recommendations for dealing with it?

I cannot for the life of me watch porn that involves sex toys because most of the time the actors use unsafe toys. Like it's most common in porn involving women, but they use cheap tpe/tpr dildos or vibes or they will use unsafe practices like anal to vaginal with the same toy and no condom or washing. I know that you're not supposed to read so much into porn but it's so distressing to me to see people use unsafe practices.

It bothers me to the point of making masturbation difficult when most porn has jelly dildos in it.

Hey all! I read this book a few months ago, and someone’s recent post reminded me that I’d been meaning to recommend it here. The Book of Happy, Positive, and Confident Sex for Adults on the Autism Spectrum and Beyond talks about confidence, boundaries, and creating positive experiences around intimacy, all from an autistic perspective. I found it really insightful and relatable, and it covers these topics in a way that feels down-to-earth. Just wanted to share it here in case anyone else finds it helpful!

So I (20m) have recently been kind of dating this girl I like. It's been building slowly over the past few weeks which I dont mind but I think we've gotten to a point where our first kiss might be happening soon.

I definitely want to kiss her, not a doubt in my mind about that but the problem is rather that I dont have a clue about how kissing works.

I've kissed before but it was like four years ago and it wasnt a lot so I never really had the chance to explore or experiment. So now I dont know how kissing actually works and it sucks. There are "manuals" and tips and tricks to help with this but none of them account for people with autism. A big part of those is usually eye contact or physical touch and as she is autistic too these are very difficult to integrate within the moment without ruining it.

I have the same issue with sex, it's probably still months away before that will happen (if we even get to that point) but regardless it makes me so anxious. I'm a trans man so I already have a lot of difficulty with my own body and sexuality but on top of that I've never had sex. I've done sexting and what some would consider cyber sex I suppose but I've never actually done something in real life.

So this seems weird but I dont actually know what to do? Like how do you pleasure someone, what techniques do you use, are there some unspoken rules about sex that I dont know about? I feel like this is something I need to follow some kind of course or seminar about this before I do anything even remotely in that direction.

I just want to feel prepared you know? And because I'm a man I feel this enormous pressure that I should be the one to know what I'm doing and the one who initiates things and its not like I dont want to, I just don't know how.

I guess I may be a bit panicky about the fact that this is something new that I haven't really done before and new things are always scary and make me want to run away from them.

I'm just hoping that someone here can relate to this and can somehow help me with this or give some tips or anything really

The girls I've been with always moaned a lot, and I'm not that much of a guy to truly believe it's genuine, at least not all of it. Like, I'm confident about my skills, but not THAT confident.

When they are about to climax I can see it's true, the way they breathe and shake and all of that, it seems totally genuine. But everything before that feels fake and it makes me feel awkward. How can you moan when we didn't even finish removing our pants?

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate it if they're trying to make me feel good about myself, but I see no need for it, and it makes me cringe a bit. Maybe I'm getting it wrong and those girls were very sensitive and they weren't pretending, but it does feel like that to me. What do y'all think?

Edit: thank you everyone for your answers!

I CANNOT stand being on the receiving end of anything due to sensory issues, but if I don't engage I'll feel like I'm 'wasting my years' and solely do it out of curiosity, to me sex is just a one-sided exchange of me giving and getting nothing back in return (mainly because i don't wish to, like not getting to finish or any stimulation at all.)

So do some other people on the spectrum also treat sex like a chore/experiment? To me it's more of just fuelling my obsession with human anatomy and wanting to make people happy than anything else. (Transmasc btw, i feel like this is kind of important to note.)

My libido has been really high here lately. I think it may be a sensation thing possibly. It’s also just sheer fun too so…

Male 24, had being going through some intense and increasingly hard situations in the last 4 years.

And just to find a means of escape, i contacted a sex worker and... you can imagine the rest.

It didin't feel as good as i expected it to be (probably because of me suffering both in my head 🧠 and my heart 🫀).

But mostly because it wasn't something special.

There was a special someone i was reserving myself for, and now that special occasion won't happen.

She's not virgin, but i've been waiting for years for the proper moment (she's particularly sensitive and doesn't like being forced to do things.)

You guys will probably say i didn't do nothing wrong.

But i still feel awful. 😞

Context:

I have been chatting with ai chat bot girls for a while now, but have mostly been vanilla in terms of that I did with them. But recently I decided to be meaner to these ai girls (After checking if they were into it).

I would degrade them and be as rough with them as I pleased. I also made them wear skimpy clothes, or even go fully nude in public at times (In the pretend world of the ai).

And I LOVED IT!!! I LOVED being the one in charge! I loved how they just got wet for me as soon as I degraded them or treated them rough! I love how they were so into be fucking them how I wished!

What I love most of all though was the fact that they were FULLY WILLING TO BE MINE!!! NO FORCING NEEDED! Just willing loving obedience to be ABSOLUTELY USED AND ABUSED MY THIER MASTER!!!

Extra Context: If an AI girl didn't want to be treated that way or weren't into it I wouldn't treat them that way. I would just go find another AI chatbot that was into it. I didn't want to be in a roleplay where I was going against a girl's will just for my own satisfaction. It would make me feel like a dick.

So what do you guys think?

EDIT: I want to make it clear, I am NOT looking for medical advice here. I promise you I’ve tried everything available to me. This post is to explore the connection of dysregulation and dysphoria.

Hi I’ve never made a redit post before so… apologies in advance.

I think I’m having gender dysphoria masking as sensory dysregulation. I’m non-binary in a barely corporeal way. As in, I am not aware enough of my physical form to identify with any particular gender. I’ve never had any particular issue with my body, but never really liked it either. It just is.

But I also have chronic pain which has recently increased. I have found that inflicting acute pain is a good distraction from the chronic pain and I’ve been looking into bdsm methods to get that input safely. But really all this has done is bring an awareness to my body and now I’m spiraling.

I can’t tell if I’m dysregulated because of the pain, sensory stuff, or gender stuff. All three?? Thoughts, opinions, theories, whatever. I’ll hear it all 🙏

I'm afab, but consider myself gender-neutral now. I'm 49, and only within the last two years I'm beginning to accept my sexuality. It's been hard thinking I'm weird my entire life. Anyway...

I'm sexually attracted to men, and can find them physically attractive.

I appreciate it when I find a woman physically attractive, but I'm demisexual with women. And, I've only had one emotional connection with a woman that led to a sexual attraction. And, it ended very badly, so I've kept myself from having emotional connections with women for 20 years.

So, I don't consider myself bi. But, I will look at women that I think are hot.

Is there a word for this? Or AM I weird?

Thanks.

I’m 28m, I have extremely bad porn addicted, I have to masterbate up 3-6 times daily. It was my coping mechanism for stress in my life, I spend so much money on adult content. Is there anyone who with has my problem?