My Grandma passed away in my grandads arms on Monday morning but the paramedics did CPR and got her back so she died in hospital. I’ve taken control of making sure everything is sorted as him and my aunt in the right state of mind to be calling everyone. I’ve informed the funeral director and am chasing up for the Medical Cause Of Death Certificate so we can register her death, I know once we have done this we can ask the registrar for a Tell Us Once referral, I’m also going to inform her bank once I’ve got my grandads benefits switched to his account. Is there anything/anyone else I can do or that I need to inform? My mum passed away 8 years ago but my grandma dealt with everything so this is new territory for me. I never thought I’d be planning a funeral at 23

My dad passed away 3 days ago. He had liver problems and got virus. He died from bleeding. I thought he would get better in hospital but he died there :(

I’m thinking about all the times spend with him and trying not to be sad to do what makes him happy.

Recently, we had been going fishing with uncle. I'm glad last time I went fishing with him we stayed longer even at night. I believe he sees us. He played I Give As Good As I Get by Udo in the car recently, and when I looked at his phone, he asked if I liked it and said it was Udo.

We both loved music, especially bands like AC/DC, Dire Straits, Rammstein, and Linkin Park. He often played Dire Straits songs and Thunderstruck by AC/DC and really liked them. We listened to Deutschland together in the car, and he loved it a lot. My sister mentioned that he knew Rammstein, but he said he didn’t. He already liked Numb by Linkin Park, and I introduced him to another Linkin Park song, Across the Line, which he said was good.

We loved watching Doctor Who. He told me it would be good if we had Tardis. He must be seeing so many things

Mom told me he had told her about me that I was brainwashed by some people and didn’t want me to close myself off because of music. I'm 19 year old closeted trans guy.

she mentioned how he was stressed because of that day I called police and not to talk about that to anyone. I ran away with police almost year ago because mom wanted to arrest theoretical satanic pedo LGBT+ people because I changed Facebook name to guy name. My sister revealed cyberstalking me and they blamed me, trans men I knew online, 2 of whom sent lawyer's number and other people on internet. I got home and sister was very aggressive. They kept bringing up that day and abusing me.

I called lawyer some days before that because my parents SA-ed me and I was gaslighted. Me and dad would hit eachother on backside as a joke and he started touching me on private part at 15 which mom didn't believe and they kept making fun of me. After almost a year mom SA-ed me. After 2 years they brought that up again what I said about dad and were mad at me. Dad said I was acting like that cause he didn't beat me enough in childhood. When I said what mom did she denied and said it wouldn't be abuse to me since I thought I was a boy and that I needed psychologist for having bad thoughts. Sister also gaslighted.

It's embarrassing how my dad being dead is used against me too. It's not my fault they abused me. Mom and sister need to learn to be accountable for their actions instead of blaming me and other people for results of their actions.

Maybe he was crying for feeling guilt that day I was at police and when they were mad at me again after 2 years

Before his death I uploaded Ikuto on profile. He is anime character I watched in childhood and dad would ask me about him when he was in Moscow for 2 years. I only remembered now later that Ikuto goes searching for his father in last episodes.

recently dad told me our friend calls me qito. It’s nickname of my birth name. He sounded very sad. I didn’t want him to think that was about being trans so I told him some people call me like that. It's nickname for guy name in my country and maybe he actually wants me to be myself.

I had awful dream a day before his death. When ambulance came I was holding something where something like water was collecting from his arm. Last thing he said to ambulance was ''Have you watched Avatar 2?''. They put him on stretcher and I helped them take him to elevator.

Is there a way to announce details of the memorial service on their personal Facebook or Instagram account? We’ve been estranged for years and they passed without anyone around. Wanted to find the best way to reach their friends or others that knew her.

Hey, I wanted to share some texts that helped my improve myself and make progress towards moving forward in life. Also some things that have helped me.

I lost my father to suicide in January, which was pretty gutting in itself. Prior to taking his life, he admitted he had cheated on my mother too which was a lot of things to handle all at once. I've had ups and downs this year, there have been points where I haven't cared at all and points where I just want something around me to explode so I don't have to think.

-man's search for meaning- Viktor Frankl A few days after my father took his life, I picked up Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. I would 100% recommend this if you are struggling with grief. He discusses finding meaning in suffering, because you do find meaning whether you see it at first or not. The ability to suffer. A quote I really like is "death is not the enemy of life, but apart of life".

-The Gift, 12 lessons to save your life- Edith Eger I love Egers work, and I read this before I lost my father, but I found comfort coming back to it. Eger describes suffering as less of a disadvantage and more of an opportunity to grow, and I understand that now as grief has pushed me to do things I never would've done. She also discusses radical acceptance and how we can't change the past and we don't know what's going to happen in the future but we can always react to the present. An important lesson from Eger is; you can't control what happens to you in life, but you can always control how you react to it. Your mind is your most important asset.

• The endless Steppe- Ester hautzig

This is also set in ww2, and I dont think it's the most conventional book for overcoming grief but hautzig's story serves as a lesson that what seems devastating at the time, can also save you from a worse fate. I think learning adaptability is important and we never know what's going to happen.

• I want to die but I want to eat tteoboki- baek se-hee

This book follows a series of recorded conversations between se-hee and her psychiatrist I found it comforting as she discusses struggles most people relate to and her psychiatrist gives rational answers to her problems. It made me feel less alone in my own mental health struggles.

These are just a few books that helped me with grief. I will update with more when I read them. In the meantime, grief is not a linear journey. Its only the past month I've started to feel normal again and I'm 9 months in. I've found comfort in working out and using the energy from my thoughts to fuel them. I have made a lot of progress in the gym just thinking about my dad and thinking about him in the moment he took his life.

Everyday I fantasize about going back in time and somehow stopping it. I know that's not going to happen and I can always think about other things I am grateful for in life. I've found meaning in so many new things in life. I've done fundraising for the charity that provided me with free therapy after I lost my father and I am grateful to give back to other people like me who need support.

I think in a way, you can't really lose anybody because there are so many people to meet and make connections with in life. When you lose someone you love, it's the universe making space for you to love new people. Even when it doesn't feel like it right now, you are going to find those new people to love.

I'm sorry this is a massive tangent, if you have read this far, thank you. I'm sorry if you have recently lost someone you love it doesn't feel like theres going to be a way out, but there is it just takes time.

Thank you for reading.

I have a friend in nursing school that lost her daughter in a vehicle accident. She’s been kind of upset that her daughter isn’t going to be there when we graduate in December. I’m wanting to get her something for that day. Any ideas on a gift that’s kind of personalized to a graduation day without a loved one?

This happened to me 6 months ago. I had a four year relationship with somey, we were both in unhappy relationships and we really loved each other.

She got sick really suddenly, but I didn't know how serious it was because it was a long distance relationship. I texted to see how she was one morning and got a text back from her mother telling me she'd passed away. Her husband then found out and told me not to contact anyone who knew her.

So everything just stopped that day, I never got to go to the funeral to say bye, my friends never met her because I had to keep it secret. I'm finding it hard to not have anyone that really understands the situation.

My brother passed away the night after my 27th birthday. I got a call from my mom at 2am and was the only sibling that woke up to the call so I had to call my other 4 siblings and tell them. Him and I weren'tron speaking terms when he passed away due to really stupid and small reasons. He was years clean with a life partner and a 7 year old son. He had a lot of health issues recently so we thought it was a blood clot or something similar. This was almost 3 months ago. Autopsy results just came back and we learned he overdosed. No one expected it. I've went through my grief process and now it's restarting. I don't know how to handle this. I'm at a loss. I’m filled with so much sadness and anger and I don’t know how to navigate this.

Thanks to all who responded to my previous post. Check out this article about Families for Safe Streets in Perspectives on Politics by a professor from UC Boulder about people like us who lost family members in crashes and how not only is it effective in making change but it also can really be helpful. Specifically, she argues that “grief-advocates can re-conceptualize the losses and harms they have suffered as policy problems, rather than random, inexplicable events.” She also states that political involvement offers Families for Safe Streets members “unique ways of finding meaning in the tragedies victims have suffered and that collective action offers many emotional benefits.” I've always felt it helped me. It was so interesting to see that validated by Professor Bateson.

My brother passed suddenly yesterday he was 58, we didn’t see much of each other and I’m really feeling ok, but I have a holiday planned for 3 weeks time (visiting my son who is studying abroad) and I feel it is going to conflict with the funeral. Question is do I cancel the holiday, or not attend the funeral?

My 12-year-old son Sammy was killed in a car crash ten years ago. As you all know, losing someone you love is heart wrenching. 

I was distraught, had so much pain, and needed to find a place to direct it or it would have destroyed me – so I joined with others and helped found Families for Safe Streets. We confront the preventable epidemic of traffic violence through advocacy and support. We share our stories to fight for safe streets and provide a range of support services to those who’ve lost loved ones or been injured in a crash. 

We just launched a story map where you can share your crash story. We’re sharing this with local, state and federal elected officials as we push for specific legislative changes to make our streets safer. Please join us.

https://www.familiesforsafestreets.org/map

Hi everyone, my siblings are constantly bickering, and what fills my elderly mum and I with the most dread is the fall-out when she dies. It was awful enough with my dad to the point where I secretly paid for things to keep the peace. I have a sibling who wants to take control of everything and can be dominating and demeaning- they're very financially/career successful, and another one with substance abuse issues who is quite fragile. To say they are different and don't get along would be mild...

The things we know will cause conflict include funeral planning (communicating the death, flowers, etc), clearing out the house (books, knick knacks, things not in the will), selling it, etc. I wondered if anyone had experience with the type of planning which would minimise conflict? I know I will be put in the role of peacemaker, which will mean also becoming an emotional punching bag. My mum and I would like to have an action plan lined up which everyone is aware of beforehand. Does anyone have experience of doing something similar, also in terms of what worked and didn't? Are there resources on this which you would recommend?

I truly worry that when she does die the fall-out will mean none of us speak to each other again. I saw such an awful side of both of them with the last funeral, I don't want to experience this again. It also meant there was no room for my own grief,because everything was about them.

Thank you for the ideas!

Unfortunately my wife's grandad passed last Friday night it's absolutely killed me he was such a nice old bloke who'd do anything for anyone, I lost my mum 7 years ago and I've been fine since but he's really upset me I've wrote a letter to him on my notes to send up with him. After my mum I thought I was hardened but I'm crying like a baby

My mom died in 2019 and I've been on an ongoing journey to explore different kinds of grief support. I'm also a writer, and as part of that exploration I'm currently working on a story for the BBC about grief apps. I'm really interested in apps like Untangle, Empathy, and DayNew (and any others you've used) and I'd love to hear about peoples' experiences with them (good, bad, or anything else).

I just wanted to post something, as I have very few freinds and I'm really struggling. My Grandad didn't want a funeral. I'm hoping that posting this will give me some closure. I hope people don't mind.

My Grandad died on Friday, he was 79. He'd been sick with Cancer for at least 12 years. He wasn't my real Grandad, he was my Nan's second husband but he certainly treated me like his own. He took me on days out to beaches, to the city, to parks. Even as he got older, and a bit grumpier, he would always greet people with a twinkle in his eye. He was a truly good man. He married my Nan in 1994, they were married 30 years this year, having been together 32 years.

My dad died when I was 3, and my Grandad really stood up to the mark. I have autism, and suspected ADHD, and he always treated me with respect, even when I was being a bit of a hyperactive kid at times. He would always heap praise on me for little things. I always thought he was a bit mad, but I still felt loved.

He loved cars, he was constantly swapping his car, much to my Nan's irritation as she had to drive said car and get used to it. I'm an amateur baker and cook and he was always willing to try out my creations. He was very supportive. I came out at the end of last year and he was very sweet, very kind. Told me he loved me and told me that he'd love to meet my boyfriend. He said as long as I was happy, he was happy. A few weeks ago I approached him about wanting to become a Police Officer and he was very supportive, the most supportive out of all my other family members.

For the past few years my Grandad had suffered with as his cancer worsened. Due to pre-existing health conditions he was unable to undergo chemotherapy and was only able to undertake radiotherapy. Towards the end of his life he lost the ability to drive and after that he lost the ability to walk, and was eventually bed ridden. His quality of life had severely declined. Despite this he was always positive with people and he was very kind to doctors and nurses alike.

I will miss him, I can't really believe he's gone. But he was in a lot of pain and I'm glad he isn't suffering anymore. I was truly blessed to have such a kind man in my life.

Hi all,

I’m looking for some advice. My partner recently passed away, and I would like to create an online space for her many friends and family to leave tributes, share memories, and offer suggestions for a memorial. She was very popular and lived in London, with friends all over the world.

I’d appreciate suggestions for the best kind of memorial page or website to create something meaningful, where people can comment, share stories, and perhaps contribute to a larger online memorial effort. If anyone has experience with this, what platform would you recommend?

Thank you in advance.

Just lost my 20 year old girlfriend of 2 years. Cardiac arrest in her sleep out of nowhere… I’m shattered, devastated.. and theres not a lot of help online for losing your partner so young.. not many who understand…

My father passed away last week. I feel sad, lonely, and lost. I have a loving support system, but it’s still the toughest thing I’ve ever gone through. I don’t know what to say except I fucking hate it. I am numb sometimes and then random emotions hit me. Makes me question things, which apparently is normal?

I don’t even know how to feel. My mother passed on the 6th, we had to make the call to take her off life support I would rather feel numb because then I would still feel something. I don’t feel anything and I don’t know how to handle that. Since she’s passed every day, I basically wander aimlessly and stare at the wall. I just don’t even know how to continue when the things I want out of life, mainly for my mother to have the health that she deserved for the saint that she was, and nothing come of it. I just wish that I could climb inside the wind and let it take me where it will and drop me in the ocean so I can sink where I can be around things that don’t think

There’s not much to say besides what the title says. I don’t know how to deal with it. My heart aches as if it happened yesterday, I forget that I’ll never see her again and I can’t think about her without getting upset. I don’t know how to get over it? Is it normal that I’m still not over it because I never expect to get over it if I’m honest?

No tears, just screaming into the abyss. I forgot that i dont get sad. I get angry.

I do also feel sad. Its in the back of my soul. I feel so angry.

My mum was 51. Im 30.

Hi all, I lost my partner 4 months ago and I feel empty. Life doesn’t have any meaning without my partner anymore. She has suffered from rare form of cancer for 2 years. I was the only person that I looked after her. She ended up in wheelchair after a few months from her diagnosed and I tried to calmed her down because she was scared. She was constantly in pain. She suffered a lot. I did my best to keep her..but the pains was horrible…I lost her and I lost everything. I think I have trauma because of that 2 years. I go to bereavement counselling but it doesn’t help. Am I going to feel like that for ever???? I have a few friends but they can’t understand my pain…they recommend me to find a girlfriend..i don’t want any girlfriend. I love my partner and I will love her for ever.

Are you aged 16-18 years and living in the UK? Have you experienced a bereavement by losing someone close to you?

Researchers at University of Oxford and Royal Holloway are looking for teenagers who have been bereaved to participate in an online study on grief and social relationships. We hope this will help us improve how we support bereaved young people. Click the link to begin - https://oxfordxpsy.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_cBWgm4Rj4vzDYVg

I lost my Dad last year after a long battle with dementia. He was 75 years old and even though we knew that he extremely ill, his passing came quite unexpectedly and out of the blue. He passed away on my first wedding anniversary. Since my Dad's passing, I have struggled with my mental and physical health. I miss him greatly but therapy has helped me through the grieving process. However, it is incredible how grief simply hits you out of nowhere and today I am absolutely floored. I miss him so, so much. Today, it was simply the sight of a photo of him with his friends at a football match that triggered the intense feelings of grief.

47F

My dad passed a couple of weeks ago. I loved him dearly, but we have a messed up family dynamic whereby nobody communicates and despite all my efforts, I was kept at arm's length. His death wasn't unexpected, but his decline felt very sudden.

I have a bunch of half-siblings from his first marriage who also refuse to communicate with me; it drives me crazy but they're grieving too. My sister, though (my main point of contact) doesn't inform me of anything and acts hostile when I call.

My father was a pillar of the community, but things were different behind closed doors; there was a medically documented history of him and my mother (who now has dementia) being emotionally abusive to me. I miss our phone chats and I'm certainly sad, but I'm not devastated in the way I feel a normal person should be, and I feel so guilty about this.

my mom died earlier this year unexpectedly. i am single with no children and no plans for a spouse or children for the future. my dad is still alive. how it used to work for pretty much my whole adult life is i would call my mom if i ever needed anything (which was not often. these are things like a ride, help with something in my apartment, etc.) and she would relay the message to my dad. my dad very seldomly answers the phone and would not come to the phone when asked. obviously since my mom’s passing, my dad has had kind of no choice but to talk to me on the phone. i have called him pretty steadily about every day/every other day and we talk for about 10-15 minutes. much less than i talked to my mom but that is to be expected kind of.

my current problem is i cannot depend on him to be an emergency contact. i called him about 6 days ago and i was upset during the call. however i cannot yell or express any unhappy feelings because he will tell me “not to start,” and hang up the phone. i say that to say i cut our last convo short and he has not bothered to give me a call since. out of petty spite i let several days pass and broke down yesterday to call him. he didn’t answer. i’ve called several times today, the land line (which he truly never answers) and his cell. he has not picked up. i tend to catastrophize (not sure if that’s a word) my thoughts so i am trying not to assume the worst. especially because since my mom’s passing a few days went by where he didn’t answer or call back due to “misplacing his phone.” he doesn’t see it as any kind of big deal. he will also just turn his phone off for days at a time. i guess i should also mention he has another daughter (a half sibling of mine) that he hasn’t seen or spoken to in over 20 years. so he’s very much an out of sight out of mind kind of person.

aside from my disappointment, hurt feelings, and knowing how upset my mom would be with him too… does anyone have a similar situation where they had to pick someone else to be an emergency contact? i’m talking about someone to call if i’m hospitalized or in an accident and on life support god forbid. not only can i not depend on him to answer a call, i don’t trust him to make any medical power of attorney decisions for me. this also applies to having someone to call if i had a disaster or being stranded on the side of the road or something. i have family members on my mom’s side. but… we honestly are not that close. and they live in another state with a minimum 2 hour drive. so that seems like not the right people to appoint. i have friends but many of them live out of state. the few that do live locally have young children. and again i don’t feel particularly close enough to them to put my literal life in their hands.

i feel very anxious and scared. i really lost everything when i lost my mom.

Hi everybody. I just recently lost my dad in a tragic accident which has taken me out of work for the past two and a half weeks because I needed to go down south to be with family and begin planning services/ my healing journey. Unfortunately, my job doesn’t offer bereavement pay and I now have no money in the middle of grieving. I am a 27 year old preschool teacher located in CT and I just wanted to see if anyone anywhere has any idea of what I should do regarding programs or government pay for bereavement? My grandmother, my dads mother, is now in the hospital because she went into cardiac arrest which means I now have to go back down south to help my family and figure this out. Any help or guidance is greatly appreciated.

Hey guys first time posting here. I would really appreciate all the advice i can get. My mum passed away when i was 2 years old. I was brought up by my father, who honestly did the most amazing job and i take my hat off to him. Due to my loss. O grew up feeling something was always missing and my father struggled with grief. He went to a hospital for 6 months after my mum passed away and i was brought up by the staff there. I had to grow up much quicker than a child should of done to support my father. Because of this i never ever got to express the much needed emotions and to this day at 27 years old i cant communicate my feelings as i feel i need to look after everyone else. After two failed long term relationships, one ending this week because i can't communicate. I need advice on what to do? I seem to be going round in a vicious circle. Help please?

It's been almost 2 years since my husband died, I still haven't had a service for him yet and all I do is work and stay home,I still feel lost without him,I was a much better person when I loved him. I'm tired of this life and feel little to no joy in it.i need to change this and I'm terrified of making decisions.i started with a new therapist and it's a painful process. I feel like I lost my identity, but come to realize I never really had one to begin with.ive never felt this alone. Thanks for reading ..peace