My wife of 21 years took her own life on the 22nd . It was my worst fear as she had had escalating mental health issues and psychotic behaviors for over a year before . I begged her to get help. She refused and said I was trying to manipulate her. I went to her mother with her journal with the increasingly psychotic thoughts but no one helped me . My wife moved out back in July . I paid for everything for her as she was in no shape to work. She continued to refuse to get mental health treatment and continued to get worse. She asked to come home once. I told her she had to get help and she changed her mind.

On her death I received her other journals and she was so tormented. I feel I failed her. I feel guilty, I’m angry at those who didn’t help and I feel so alone . Does it ever get better?

29F late partner died March 2023 aged 40 i was only 27 at the time.

We were together a decade and he was an abusive piece of shit for the whole decade, if he hadnt of died when he did he would of killed me. He died with his finger prints bruised on my body.

I couldnt due to leave pets , living rurally , i dont drive and he was financially abusive along with mental/emotional/physical/sexual abuse plus after a decade of the abuse slowly getting worse i had nothing left id resigned to my fate that he was going kill me. Our last Christmas i even said to him Will you just kill me already ?.

Slowly im deleting my past.

No one in my real life is aware of this i kept it so private and why bring it up now when hes dead and im safe.

I’ve been learning about grief, and heard someone speak on pendulation – swinging into and out of your grief like a pendulum. I don’t know when grief will hit, but when it did, I swung into it – far into it. I sat with my grief and sadness, I thought about my loss, but then I thought of all the good that I had when things were good, and that made me grateful for the time we had together.

Once I reach that state of gratitude, I swing back out, push off away from my grief in gratitude and swing as far over to the other side as I can, mentally. I tried this yesterday, and it made me truly happy. Eight months in, it was the first time I felt happy.

I’m familiar with interval training, a method of pushing yourself to your physical limit in intervals, followed by times of rest & recovery. It is often used by athletes to build their strength and endurance before a big contest.

I’m going to try to work on my grief, with my grief, in this way. When I find myself he into the grief gym, I’ll have a good solid grief workout, then leave the emotional gym, and enjoy more happiness.

Everyone is busy, I know. Three friends (not from the same friend group) that I haven't heard from in several months, reached out asking how my holiday was. I responded that it was nice, gave a couple details about the festivities then asked about theirs. They haven't responded. Were they being grief vultures; as if maybe they were hoping I was miserable or something? Maybe I'm overthinking it. I was also sad, of course but I have a therapist and my grief is personal.

At the funeral home where my wife was 49 days ago, the President of the company I work for asked me to sit on an association board. I told him I needed some time to digest what was already happening in life. A week later he contacted me and I told him no, it was too soon and that if it were offered some months down the road I might feel different. He had no objections and said he would go down a different path. Today I received an email detailing an upcoming meeting for the board. Not five minutes later another Vice President came in my office to talk about me being on the board. So how many people know and I don‘t since I declined? I had to leave the office. I have been there almost thirty-eight years. I am hurt, mad, feeling abused, disrespected and more. Not to mention I have to attend an Executive Dinner for the company tonight. Another function I hesitated to accept but was told by him it would be good to get out with friends and it might put me in the holiday spirit. They are co-workers. My wife would tell me how to handle this.

Hey everyone,

Life’s been a rollercoaster lately, and sometimes, I feel like it’s hard to keep up with everything. We all go through ups and downs, and it can help so much to have someone to talk to who understands. I’ve been reflecting a lot on how people come and go, how grief and heartbreak shape us, and how important it is to lean on others during tough times.

If you’ve gone through similar struggles or just want to talk about life’s challenges, feel free to share in the comments. But hey, if you want a more private space to chat, don’t hesitate to DM me—I’d love to connect on a deeper level. We’re all just trying to figure it out, and sometimes, sharing can make it a little easier.

Looking forward to hearing from you

Hey everyone,

Life has a funny way of throwing unexpected challenges our way, and it’s been a while since I’ve really connected with someone. Lately, I’ve been reflecting on how much I’ve learned through my own experiences, but also how important it is to have people to talk to—especially when things feel tough.

I’m someone who believes in honest, meaningful conversations and building connections through shared experiences. Whether you're dealing with loss, navigating relationships, or just looking for someone to talk to, I’d love to chat.

Feel free to message me or comment if you want to talk or get to know each other. We all need someone to talk to sometimes.

Take care

Hi everyone,

Life has a way of teaching us lessons, sometimes through challenges, heartbreak, or even moments of unexpected joy. I’ve been reflecting a lot lately and realized how much those lessons shape who we are.

For me, one of the biggest lessons has been learning to let go of what I can’t control and focus on what I can—easier said than done, but it’s been life-changing.

I’d love to hear from you: What’s one life lesson or piece of advice that really shifted your perspective or changed everything for you?

Feel free to share—I’d love to connect and learn from your experiences. Sometimes, sharing our stories can inspire and heal others too.

I woke up at 6:17 this morning. I usually post here about 5:30. I don’t feel rested. I don’t understand what is happening.

Anyway, I got nothing done on the tree until last night. I did “fluff” it for quite a while, though. You psychopaths do this every year? Shear lunacy. Or it’s just my poor crazy wife who bought the most absurd tree. Probably to punish me, posthumously. Kids decorate it tonight.

Now to clean up office, get new bedroom set up and move old bed to dad’s room and move out my wife and I’s old worn out bed.

Y’all have a great day.

Oh, the elves showed back up Dec 1. They dressed up as tacos today cause it’s TACO TUESDAY!!!

Sometimes I think it would be nice to have a friend who truly understands what I've been through. I have no friends that are a widow and even though people try to be nice and understanding sometimes the things they say just don't help at all.

We got a new mattress in August, around a month before he was admitted to the hospital. My side of the bed is quite broken in by now and I can feel the groove I've made. But his side is still very fresh, no groove at all. It keeps bothering me, this lopsided bed, my groove deepening night by night, his side staying pristine. Like just another symbol of where 1 life stops in time and another keeps going. Edit: Small laugh, and my partner loved laughing - I should have titled this "Depression" Depression :)

Part of the reason I'm ambivalent to speak about my other half's passing to a therapist is not due to a lack of HOW I wish to describe my feelings. I can pinpoint almost every minute detail in the cacophony of anger, remorse, melancholy, and hope that there is a better place in our universe for her that resides in my body right now. I can describe the almost debilitating back and shoulder pain I've woken up with every day since she died. I can describe lighting candles in her honor while people that claimed to love her pretend like she was just an addict they met along the way of life.

The reason I almost refuse to speak on her death to anyone else is because of how people in this SOCIETY choose to regard those struggling with drug addictions. She knew she needed help. She was well-aware of the consequences of the street-based lifestyle. But the people that frankly had numerous legal edicts to provide some form of rehabilitation to her neglected her when she needed to be provided structure. I cannot get over how many people failed her. Myself included.

And I'm supposed to pretend like her passing wasn't the greatest tragedy to take place in my life, up until this point. Because of brain chemicals. Because of the things she carried and tried to bury. Because she was absorbed into the statistics. Because "Well, Lexiey..." This, and that, and this, and that.

Well, fuck that. And fuck a culture that turns up its nose at someone that knows they're in a bad way and refuses to meet them where they're at. My wife is gone.

Even with email available, my wife and I still sent out a regular Christmas Card with an annual letter to our scattered friends and relatives for nearly 50 years. Now that I’m alone, it just seems like a chore, underscores my aloneness and can’t possibly carry the same kind of interest if it was from both of us. It would seem only to accentuate my separateness and singularity given what they were used to.

I had to make a terrible decision yesterday. Over the past few months she'd get an infection and off to the hospital she'd go. The doctors would do their thing and she'd come back from the edge. I used to joke that they were going to give her a frequent patient card, the tenth punch means a free stay.

Two weeks ago we made the hard decision to enter home hospice. We were still hopeful that maybe we could find a doc willing to give her immunotherapy and that it might hold the cancer at bay long enough for her to get her strength back to get into chemo. We knew it was a hail Mary play idea, but it was something. The infections had ravaged her. She couldn't even sit up on her own, nor move enough to put her legs over the side of her bed.

I saw what was slowly starting to happen with her even before they discharged her from the LTACH into hospice. I knew she was headed for another bad infection and probably her third round with sepsis. I hate that I got so good at understanding her "tells". I'd read that hospice would usually deal with infections. I think that put my mind in a false sense of well being.

She is now mostly unresponsive and hasn't eaten or taken a drink in days. Yesterday I went to clean her up and I saw a big pool of puss that had come from her vagina. I immediately call the hospice nurse. We talked and he left the choice up to me whether I wanted to call an ambulance and have her taken to the hospital and have them treat her. She has been in the ICU previously, but this time it would be likely she'd be in there for a long while if she even survived the ordeal.

I had to go and think for a long while about it. If I sent her to the hospital I could maybe get her back for a short while, but inevitably she'd decline again. She'd go through a lot of pain again. I'm sure I don't have to tell anyone in this subreddit just how tempting it would be to have her back, even if it was for just 5 minutes.

But I couldn't. Yes, I would sacrifice anything to have her back, but I was not willing for that thing to be sacrificed to be her comfort. I did not want to be the cause of her being in pain, even if it was well managed. Besides, there was the good chance she'd pass away in the hospital, maybe even the ER. I talked it over with our adult kids and my sister-in-law. I told them what my decision was going to be. They all agreed with it.

I was going to stay the course with hospice. As much as I knew I was throwing away a chance to see her and I was making a final decision about her death, It made probably the hardest and most heartbreaking calls I have ever made and hopefully will never have to make again.

Hospice sucks, but it is the best choice for her. I don't like that we're here. It isn't that I have a problem with the service, it's that we have to use it.

This time of year is going to really suck for most of us. There are some of us that are very new to this terrible club and facing the holidays alone for the first time. I would like to propose that we maybe get some sort of mentorship going between new widows and some of us that are a bit farther down the river. Maybe a scheduled chat time for us to all be together? I am just worried about some of us and thinking of ways we can support each other. Any thoughts? What would be helpful to you?

I still can’t accept my boyfriend’s passing. Mind you it’s only been 6 weeks, but I can’t seem to believe that I’ll ever be able to move forward with my life. He was only 33 and he lost his life to cancer. I’m 29, but I want a really short life so I can be with him and see him again. There’s so many day to day things I want to share with him. I miss him so much. This doesn’t feel real.

We were together for 7 years and he recently passed away. After he died, I went through his phone and found out after 2 years of being together he cheated on me. So he lied to me for 5 years and never told me that he had sex with someone else. I feel so betrayed and literally don’t know what to do. I guess there is nothing to do and no one to tell because I don’t want to ruin what everyone felt about him.

Can somebody please give advice. I have no physical health conditions. I just don't want to be here. There is genuinely no point. We have no kids and just fish tank pets that can easily be rehomed.

Every day gets heavier. I am struggling so bad. I see no way out. Why is it so hard to find information on ending your life as you see fit. If you have any guidance please. Even if you inbox me so it doesnt accidentally encourage others. I think about it every day

6 months since I lost the love of my life. Looking back on how I thought things might be 6 months out there are some things that are like I expected and some things that are surprising.

I miss him dearly like I thought I would and still feel the loss of my best friend, romantic partner, and the greatest father my kids adored. I hate spending each day without him, but I keep going because I love my kids more than anything else in this world.

I can't help but wonder why them? Why him? Why us? Ya, I am throwing a pity party today. We loved each other. I tried to take care of him. I kept working a job that I hated so that he could have access to the best healthcare. I didn't take him for granted. I was so grateful to have him in my life. I lived to try to make him happy. Why do I have to go through the rest of my life without him. We are only in our 40s. The kids still live at home. Why now? Why do they have to miss out on having a father around to be there for them?

I love you, honey, and miss you every moment of every day. Until I see you again I will suffer through this world without you. Now I know what other widowers mean when they say that they cry everyday day. Yah. Me too.

Yesterday was my birthday. On the 14th, it will be 1 year since my husband was wrongfully murdered in front of me. I had our baby in July. When I'm not with baby, I indulge heavily in drugs and alcohol. Everyone says I'm a great mom. We indulge in so many hobbies and I put my baby in swimming lessons. But I feel so guilty because I don't think I am that great. I have PTSD and my vices take control when baby isn't around. I NEVER do anything around him.

I'm so fucking numb.

Hi everyone,

Lately, I’ve been feeling a bit alone. I don’t have many friends, and my relationships haven’t been great either. I really need someone to talk to—someone I can share my thoughts and feelings with without judgment.

I’m open to connecting with anyone—whether you’re a teen figuring things out, a single mom managing life, or just someone who needs a supportive conversation. I just want to be there for someone and have someone be there for me too.

If this sounds like you, feel free to comment or message me. Let’s see if we can help each other feel a little less alone.

Take care

The place where my husband is from, where he received cancer treatment and is now buried, experiences cyclones every year.

In Year 1, we cuddled together and watched the rain. He was ok despite being diagnosed with cancer. In Year 2, he was paralyzed, and I sat by his side, making sure he was comfortable. Now, in Year 3, he's buried there, and it upsets me. I know it's just his body, but the thought of him being alone in the grave during a cyclone is hard to bear.

Now, the same storms are a stark reminder of how much has changed, and it’s painful. Fuck cancer.

I got through Thanksgiving with a lot of distractions. My husband was the cook and it was strange to wake up and not smell delicious preparations getting started or have a ton of leftovers. I spent a lovely day at a cousins' house and had other events with friends the previous two days. But very different from what our normal traditions were.

I decided to set up the Christmas tree and other decorations. Im hoping it will cheer me up a bit (the lights definitely are a boost in these darker months). The ornaments are all special, since my husband was a collector and had so many cool ornaments. And I also will be having the Grandkids over, so I wanted this to be special for them too.

But all of this without him here is frankly making me feel more lonely, even though I have a great support network, its all just feels so different.

My husband passed away from Pancreatic Cancer on Oct 20th exactly 1 month after diagnosis. We were married for 19 years and he was my such a huge part of me. Now I am a widow at 46, wtf. We had no time to mentally adjust to the diagnosis before we were thrust into organ failure and death. Why does it take so long to get death certificates? He didn't have any life insurance, we had a will but will need to probate it. Dying is so much harder than being born. I am incredibly sad but also angry and just lost. People that we thought we could count on have just disappeared some without even a phone call, that really sucks. Originally I was thinking about holding a celebration of life after the new year but now I am thinking what's the point. Would it give me closure? Is it something just for the other people, the ones who couldn't make it to the hospital? Would they even come if they can't be bothered to pick up the phone? Any suggestions? I hate that he is gone and feel absolutely cheated that we had so little time but I think no matter how long you have with your person it is never really enough so there is that. Thanks for reading and possibly responding.

As I mentioned in other posts, my first wife died in January 2007. Usually, around the holidays, I go into a deep depression for missing her and other family/friends that are no longer with us. Well last week, after being shocked to find out that a friend that I lost touch with died in September of 2023, I had an interesting revelation. Instead of being all sad and depressed, I was truly grateful that we were part of each other's lives at one point in time.

Afterward, I started thinking about all the friends and family who were no longer with us and the good times we had together. THAT actually kept me from going into the abyss of sadness that I normally go into at this time of year. Sure, I will have my days, but this is going better than it has for oh, the past 17 years...

I wish I would have been there more for you . I wish I would have answered your call when you needed me . I wish I would have gone down with you . I am sorry I cannot change time . I think the pain of losing you has been unbearable . You’re all I think about because you have been my life . There’s some much guilt and regrets of what I could have done to keep you here with me .

For some context, they were together for 6 years and married for 5, in which the last year we unfortunately lost him to cancer, very quickly.

I want to make clear that my mother is not the easiest person, and has strong narcissistic tendencies.

My mother moved in another man, within 6 months but she kept this a massive secret, due to shame etc, he was nothing like her usual type, and they recently broke up after 6 years together (step dad passed 7 years ago)

My mother uses facebook alot, and posted frequently about my step dad and feeling lonely, and many people felt very concerned but had no idea she was in another serious, long term relationship.

She is very protective of her grief and will frequently say, whenever she shows bad behaviour or anyone else is struggling ‘you haven’t been through what I have’ ‘it could be worse, my husband died’ and this has been ongoing attitude for 7 years. If someone forgets a birthday card, or is late to meet her she will say ‘but my husband died’ she posts grief quotes every single day.

Recently I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and she said ‘you haven’t been through what I have though have you?’ Id like to point out, my step dad meant the world to me, having never had a dad, I also had a stillborn the day after my step dads funeral, but there was no space for my grief, as its not important.

My point is, maybe I am being inconsiderate, but my mother has an intense victim mentality she has made it her entire identity, and i feel it’s unhealthy for her, since my step dad died, we have 4 young children in the family & she refuses to see what special things we now have, and instead of putting her time into them, she goes drinking 3 days a week and she is proud of this, boasting because its ‘cool’ as she is 56, I dont think its cool.

Does anyone have any tips or alternative advice to how i see this situation for me to better understand this?

I did not get my Christmas tree decorated. I am annoyed but we stayed busy all weekend long. And I played 9 holes of golf yesterday so there’s that. I also found some photos from Christmas last year on mom’s phone so I’m using that to help me do stuff. I can’t stay long since I need coffee and to fluff the tree. I still am looking for a good fluffer, but I just can’t find one.

Not much planned for today. Hopefully I can get some stuff done while the kids are at school.

Love y’all. Have a good Monday.