Hi all!

A little late, but I wanted to say happy Chuseok! This year I had mandu, and lounged around my house. Did anyone do anything fun with friends or family?

Hi! We are a community of 600+ Adoptees who support and connect with each other and talk about topics like mental health and identity!

We’re pretty tight-knit and host fun events for all to attend throughout the year like mental health check-ins, member bonding activities, and bookclubs.

You can join via this link: https://discord.gg/7AfKvNbXyF

Hope to see you there!!

Blackpink's new song, "Ice Cream", is currently #1 trending on YouTube ( Ice Cream MV ). I know many young Koreans nowadays learn English, but I'm disappointed that this song has very little Korean in it. I think between Selena Gomez's feature and the chorus, there's only about two lines of Korean in the whole song.

I wrote a post here before about Korea being trendy, and I think this is a good example of how I feel. On one hand, I am happy that I could potentially sing along in English to a popular Korean song. On the other, it doesn't really feel Korean anymore. It also feels like me learning Korean isn't even necessary nowadays. I think it's making me rethink which ties to Korean heritage I should seek out and value. If Korea is 'trendy' to Americans, but America is popular with Koreans, where do adoptees fit?

It's a little difficult to articulate, but I tried my best. Let me know your thoughts!

I was curious what got others interested in KAD groups. How did you hear about them? Did anyone go to Korean cultural camps? Were you ever a part of any other Asian-Pacific Islander groups?

On top of that, what were you hoping to get out of the KAD community, and have you found that yet?

Does anyone else have adopted siblings who are not interested in their birth search, heritage, etc? I have an older brother who has become almost frustrated at the idea of going to a KAD meetup. I am not really bothered by it, and am part of the community regardless; however, I do think it would be nice to have someone in my family that I could talk to and celebrate/explore Korean heritage and language with. Instead, I do this with other KADs and my non-KAD partner.

Feel free to comment on this even if you don't have a sibling, but have some thoughts.

I love to cook and bake, and feel like food is a big part of the way I experience culture. I don't often cook Korean dishes, but I'm not very close to an asian market. A lot of times, I am missing core ingredients.

Below are some starter questions, if you aren't sure what to write. Also, please post any recipes you enjoy, even if they aren't Korean!

Does anyone like cooking? Do you cook Korean food? Do you have any family recipes from your adoptive family and/or bio family? What is your favorite dish to make? Alternatively, do you not cook? What do you wish you could make?

I think Im going to move past this now.

I haven't learned anything valuable interacting in this black hole.

Anyone else feel the same?

Anyone Koreans here not Adopted from Korea? I mean like is there anyone here that was adopted from foster care?

I'm not even really sure why I want to be able to speak Korean, but I have been working over the past year or so to learn. I feel so frustrated that I could've learned with ease at an early age (though I am glad English is my native language), and am upset that this is a common loss transnational adoptees face.

Has anyone else tried learning Korean? Did you stick with it? Are you fluent? What resources did/do you use? Why did you want to, or not want to, learn how to speak Korean?

Any thoughts regarding language learning are welcome.

This is just a thought exercise for discussion. I don't necessarily believe we should not use the word, "adoption", but this is just something that popped in my head and would like to put it out there and hear what other people have to say.

Famous brands have been changing their names to be less offensive (like The Dixie Chicks are now The Chicks). Words and language matter.

I have been wondering about the word "adoption" and "adoptee". What other ways would you describe adoption? What I don't like is that the same word is used for adopting children and dogs. I was just Googling something about adoption and all links popped up about dogs.

People who adopt rescue puppies and save them from euthanasia are applauded as heroes. Similarly, adoptive parents receive praise for adopting children, erasing the trauma of the birth parents and child. The adoptive parents are centered; they are the ones doing the adopting. Meanwhile, the child is passive in the sentence, "The child was adopted by Mr. and Mrs. X".

Another story: When I lived in Korea, an expat ran a program called "Adopt a Child for Christmas". People donated money or bought a gift for a child in an orphanage. The children in this particular orphanage were "unadoptable", so they remained in the orphanage until they are 18. A foreigner buying a $30 gift and not meeting them is not the same as adopting a child. I told the organizer that the name of the program is not appropriate and misleading, perhaps even rude for the children. I suggested alternatives like "Sponsor a Child for Christmas" or "Make a Wish" - something like that. He got very defensive and did not budge.

Would love to hear any of your thoughts.

*edit for typos

I'm really tired it's 4:11am in Sri Lanka. But who here married foreign spouses from Asia or are Asian descent? How did it affect you personally and culturally trying to blend your adoptive country and spouse's country with your own roots? What was your favorite thing about the culture or beauty?

As a Korean adoptee, I am super thankful for finding this sub. At 31 years old, I have become very interested in learning about my background and a part of me that I have never truly explored, but I’m not sure where to start. I want to learn more about Korean culture and would love recommendations on where to start. I’m also looking for other groups or forums to take part in with other Korean adoptees. Please let me know if you have any resources to provide.

If this it not the right place to post, please let me know.

During this time when the Black Lives Matter movement has become an especially powerful statement, I can't help but think of the extra adversities that black Korean adoptees have faced. It's already quite confusing to grow up as an Asian with white parents, but it was marketed to be the most "acceptable" combination.

Is there anyone in the group that can speak on being black and Korean? Anyone adopted by black parents? What about those who are not black and Korean, but adopted by black parents? What were your experiences like growing up?

To ANY adoptees, please feel free to express any thoughts on the Black Lives Matter movement.

I am not black, but as a POC I am disheartened and enraged by the racism still being perpetuated in the States. I acknowledge that I am seen as a "model minority" (not saying that Asians don't experience racism), and am less likely to be met with violence or suspicion. Even with the targeting of Asians due to Covid-19, I do not fear most everyday tasks, nor do I fear police.

Hello Korean Adoptees! Very happy to have landed on this Reddit forum. Have read interesting topics on here and grateful for everyone’s experiences. My wife and I unfortunately are not able to have kids of our own and are in the process of adopting from Korea. Although born and raised in the states, we are both fluent in the language and have a profound understanding of the culture. I wanted to ask the community a few questions to get answers directly from people that have gone through such experiences.

1.) Since my wife and I are Korean, we are hoping to minimize the self identity crisis that we’ve read so much in forums and online. Any suggestions on how to minimize this even further?

2.) when do you feel like it’s an appropriate age to let the child know they were adopted?

3.) Do most people here have access to their birth parents? Would you recommend this?

*We’ve read many books and doing our best to educated and inform ourselves but can’t beat the feedback from first hand experiences. If you don’t mind sharing, I would greatly appreciate any of your feedback. Thank you for your time.

With the rise of BTS, Korean cosmetics, and much needed representation in media (i.e. Parasite as an Oscar winner), it feels like being Korean is trendy.

As an adoptee, I feel a mix of emotions. It is great to hear that my friends like KBBQ and Kpop, but when does it feel like...appropriation? That's not the right term here. It's more like the feeling you have when something you appreciated first becomes popular (think "hipster").

I have been "splained" by non-Asians about Korean culture, and told by friends that I don't look very Korean (not tall or white enough, ironically).

On the other hand, I do enjoy the availability of Korean culture that has popped up in the US. I just feel sort of weird about it.

Does anyone else have any thoughts on this? Similar or different feelings regarding the thought that Korean culture is a current trend?

Hi all, I hope quarantine is treating you well.

I wanted to keep things casual for a moment here. Post whatever your favorite food(s) are! If you feel like sharing more about why, go for it. If not, that's okay too.

Note: It does not have to be Korean food, but it can be!

My favorite foods are almost all egg dishes, korean pancake, dumplings, and creme brulee!

I am in the process of finding my birth mother, and Holt gave my foster mothers name to me. Hopefully she might know something, and I want to ask her about my adoption. I've been using google, facebook, kakaotalk, and searched on Instagram. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find her. Do you have any ideas where I could also search?

Does anyone here have anything to say, regarding these holidays?

I never really thought about it until this year; I've had more time to think about my birth mom. I don't think I have any hard feelings about mother's day, but today I found myself wondering if she thought about me (I do know she is alive, and we exchanged letters one time). I have little info on my birth dad, and don't feel connected to him in any way.

I fully feel that my parents should be celebrated for raising me, but I also can't shake the fact that my birth mom was the reason my adoptive parents were able to raise me as their own.

I also know a lot of adoptees --- particularly the generations before me --- experienced abuse and/or neglect from their adoptive parents, which may influence how they feel about mother's and father's day. I have had discussions about this possibly being more common in older generations because, people essentially had to do less and pay less for the adoption. Now, many transnational adoptions are much more expensive, require background checks and culture classes, require you to visit the child's birth country and/or go to court in the corresponding country, etc.

Anyone else grow up playing the violin?

Anyone have books they recommend checking out during quarantine? I just finished Minor Feelings by Cathy Park Hong; I recommend it.

Hi all, I am Korean American, living in the US and would like some info, and perhaps connect with some folks that were adopted too. I was 8 years old when I was adopted and moved to the US, back in 1990.

Prior to that, I was living in an orphanage called “holt”, not sure if that was the name of the physical building, but I remember vaguely, it was on a mountainous type hill. (Forgive me for not knowing the landscape). The building, if I had to guess was 3-5 stories tall and on the property, had a circular playground. The more I think into it, the more I remember, but still limited. The lady that was in charge was named Jane white. If you have any info in regards to the orphanage, Ms White, or perhaps, you were in that orphanage around the time I was adopted, I very may well have taken care of you!! I know, very frightening! Please stay safe and looking forward some info.

I have a bit of a long story to tell. Hopefully, I can get some help and advice from my fellow redditors, this is my first ever post on Reddit.

So, as a child I knew I never belonged. My mother was Korean, my father a other race (details will be as vague as I can let them be, sorry) American soldier.

Supposedly, I was born in Korea and my parents brought me to the US. I never felt like I was truly a part of my family, it was a sinking feeling that haunted me. I looked nothing like either of my parents, not my sisters. My sisters were nearly a decade younger than I was, maybe my parents thought they wouldn’t have children till they had me?

Around 18 I eventually went to move with my dads side of the family. My grandmother and aunt one day told me that the reason behind my mothers unfair treatment of me growing up was because I was adopted. I was supposedly the niece of someone my mother knew, who had a child out of wedlock.

When I eventually saw my father I brought it up, he was quiet at first but admitted it. The next day, my mother swiftly told me it was all lies and if I ever brought it up again she was like leave my father. Mind you, I am an adult.

So, I dropped it. For years. I pushed it into the inter most corners of my mind and locked it way... and it stayed that way for over a decade until I took one of those silly DNA tests.

Results 100% East Asian.

Where was the DNA of my father, who I was supposedly half of?

To this day I’ve never seen a birth certificate. I have an estranged relationship with my mother, I’ve only began to patch over the last several years. I fear asking her anything will enrage her or cause her physical illness as she is elderly and not in the best health.

I am afraid to ask my father, I know he will consult with my mother. My grandmother has been dead for 10 years and my aunt can’t remember details in her age.

What do I do?

Something I hadn't thought about until recently, is the grief I subconsciously felt for the holidays I missed out on with my birth family. I've tried to learn more about Korean holidays (including other 'internationally' recognized holidays), but I have a strong feeling of imposter syndrome or appropriation, even.

Feel free to answer any of these questions I have, or use this post as a loose prompt to share your experiences:

• Are there KADs in this sub who celebrate Korean holidays? • Anyone who purposefully chooses not to? • To those who have met your birth families, have you celebrated any holidays with them (or receive gifts from them)? • Does anyone else feel uncomfortable celebrating, but wish they could?

In October 2017 I went to Korea for the first time. It was kind of on a whim to go to korea to visit some old friends that I’ve met in the states. I researched online that staying near hongdae was the best location to visit all the sites. I ended up staying near Mapo-gu which is only a few blocks away from hongdae but right near the green line and brown line subway station. What I didn’t know was that HOLT was only a few blocks away. I had no plans to look for my biological parents, but it seemed like a sign that i should start the search. What surprise me was how emotional i was. I walked up to the HOLT agency building to a very nice security guard. I couldn’t even get words out because I kept crying hysterically, but finally after I calmed down I asked where I can find information about my parents. I will never forget how loving and patient that security officer was. He hugged me and told me how sorry he is and walked me down to another building a few blocks away. I never knew why he apologized to me but for some reason I felt his apology in my soul. So fast forward after i put the search request in, i didn’t hear back for them until after I left Korea and went to Europe. They told me they found my birth mother and that she did not know my birth father. My birth mother told me it was not a good time to connect for her right now. I was disappointed but i felt like a weight has been lifted off of me.

Now its June 2019 I get a email from Holt saying that mother wants to reconnect with me. I felt this weight over me again, and this feeling of hate because I moved on. I’m the type of person who doesn’t like having regrets, so it took me a couple of days I responded to Holt and my mother. After a few exchanges back and fourth we traded KakaoTalk.

April 2020 when we first talked i was excited because she sent me pictures of when i was a baby. For me this was huge because I’ve always wondered what I looked like as a baby or young child. (I was adopted at age 5 closer to 6) that excitement has been wearing off because I don’t speak or read Korean, so its been hard to communicate especially when google translate doesn’t translate it correctly. And now I’ve been feeling more depressed because I can’t communicate with her, and really what kind of relationship is that. I’ve been trying to study Korean over online but I don’t learn well when there’s not face to face. I tried googling instructors in NJ but there seems to be none. Has anyone else found they’re birth parents? How do you overcome the language barrier?

Something a lot of people deal with is low self-esteem. It is especially worse for POC, when cultural standards are generally tailored to white folks. Korean adoptees are in a position where they often 'forget' they're asian, are unsure where they fit culturally, and/or feel they are too asian or not asian enough.

Not all adoptees struggle with the same issues, of course. Regardless, I thought it might be nice for KADs to comment at least one positive thing about themselves. This can include anything about yourself, whether it be physical, emotional, personality type, etc. This is a post for you to brag about yourself.

What I like about myself: -I'm short so I can sit on an airplane comfortably (sometimes crosslegged) -My hair is tough and can take many rounds of hair bleach and dye -I have long dark eyelashes -I'm a good cook -I'm a hard worker and try to go the extra mile -I often think/care about others

I'm curious to see where our members grew up, and if you would like to share, where you are now. Also, are there many other adoptees near you? How is diversity there, in general?

I was brought to the US to my parents in Michigan, and lived there my whole life. Michigan is one of the states that tends to have more Korean adoptees (anyone know why?). The area I am in is fairly diverse, but ideally I would move closer to Ann Arbor.

Hey all,

I was excited to find a sub for KADs. I found two, and each feel a bit...lacking. Only a few mods, not many active members or new posts, and really dry sub descriptions. Is there any interest in reviving the group, and possibly merging the two subs? It would be amazing to see more people (especially from groups on Facebook) be active here, but it's hard to convince people to join the reddit sub for what's currently here.. I don't mean to criticize the current members or mods; I just want to see the community thrive. Sorry if it feels a bit like I'm steamrolling or stepping on toes here though..

Any input would be much appreciated!

I've had many discussions with other KADs about this, but every day still run into new folks who find this helpful or something they never considered. Maybe this is old news for most folks here, but if not, I hope it can be helpful.

Question your "found" story, especially if it includes things like:

• Found abandoned
• Taken to a police station
• Name written on slip of paper pinned to you/tucked into the blanket you were in.

Out of country adoptions were difficult if the baby still had familial ties to the country, as it presented a possible legal liability in the event someone from the family wanted to reclaim the child. To get around this, thousands upon thousands of "found" stories were made up by adoption agencies across the country with the explicit purpose of making it appear the child had no blood ties to anyone in the country that could be easily found. Fake "found" stories and paperwork meant faster out of country adoptions.

I discovered my story was fake after tracking down another adoptee who had the literally same story as me, right down to the police station were were supposedly taken to when we were found.

Bottom line - do your homework, grill your adoption agency in Korea if you have contact with them. Always question your history. And, good luck.