Hi everyone! I (F29) am going to be adopting my 6 year old niece due to family circumstances. My younger sister is an addict and she is not capable of caring for her. She lost custody to my grandparents just after she was about 2 years old & they’ve been caring for her pretty much full time since she was 1. My grandparents were also adamant that she would stay with them until they passed away, but my dad has convinced them that the transition will be easier now since she’s young & that it’s not fair for her to have to take care of her aging great-grandparents & she should get to experience being a kid.

I am SO excited for her to come and stay with me, I love her so much and I have so much love to give her. My heart breaks for her because my sisters and I were in her shoes growing up. I am, however, going to be a single parent & a first time parent so I was hoping for some friendly parenting advice and tips on how to get things ready around my apartment or other considerations when adopting a school aged child.

Hello,

My husband and I have just adopted our daughter. Our family is in love. Our beautiful daughter is multiracial, Black, White and Asian. The biological father cut off all contact with BM once she notified him of her pregnancy. The birth father is Asian and Black. We want to do everything we can to make sure her culture is acknowledged in our home. We do not know where his Asian ethnicity is from. How do we navigate this? Any suggestions?

Hello all, please take this post as me rambling and also reaching for support. We’ve had a pre-adoptive placement of a now 12 year old girl for a year. We met her at 10 and she came to us at 11. She has significant trauma in her short life. She has been in over 40 placements and lived in a residential program before she moved in with us.

I say this because we knew she was going to need support and were ready to do our best. As soon as she was in our home we have done youth villages, in home therapy, outside therapy, family therapy, mentor programs, art therapy. You name it, we have tried it. But it seems like no progress has been made. She refused to go to therapy and will throw a fit. She also would not engage with the services people provided at home and will ignore them or flat out refuse to engage. So, we changed therapists looking for the right fit. We found a wonderful mentor who is a prior foster child and recently she has cursed at her and doesn’t engage with her well unless I’m present at all times re-directing her and that is hitting its limit too. We have a new in home therapist who is also prior foster child and has done high intensive care and we are praying this will work. Because unfortunately, we have considered disrupting.

It makes me feel horrible because I want to help this child and want to help this child have a good life and improve on her trauma but I feel like I’m hitting a wall. I know it can take years but if we could only see just one tiny improvement, we would continue.

We get called by the her school daily (she is in a special behavioral small class school.) Sometimes we get called twice or three times! Either because she is being aggressive, cursing, threatening or refusing to do things. She yells at my husband all the time an escalates with him bit she won’t do it to me. However, I can’t be around all the time. She has shown manipulative behavior to us and her boyfriend which we have addressed and helped her explore what need she is trying to fill or avoid by doing it but now she just shrugs.

We use terms of endearment to try to connect like: “honey” and “dear” but then she tells my husband who wakes her up and makes her breakfast not to talk to her like that. Which he has stopped but I know he feels hurt but continue to try and care for her. She refers to us as “this girl” or “bro” which we constantly correct. We have never asked for us to be referred to as mom or dad but at least use our names!

We have asked help from the system and we have gotten the therapy services but I’m not sure what else can be done. We are reaching our wits end and I don’t want to give up but it’s taking a toll and I don’t know what to do.

Please no judgement as I don’t need any more reason to harbor resentment. No, she isn’t better off in foster care and no, there isn’t anybody else who can take her.

How does one cope with the animosity?

We gained custody of our 13yo niece when my FIL passed. She is the first child from my SIL who has been an addict going on 15 years. It’s not fair to her and I hate what she endured but it’s also not fair to us and I have been practically the only source of goodness in her entire life. I am not responsible for her trauma but I still have to exhaust myself to mitigate it.

It’s been about a year and a half and it’s truly not terrible, it could be so much worse. But it’s still so hard. It having the capability of being harder doesn’t take away from how frustrating it can be.

So I guess I’m just asking from anyone in similar situations, how they cope, connect, discipline, budget, ect. I fear that I have enabled somewhat of a monster for fear of Cinderella syndrome.

At what point after we’ve acknowledged that while her trauma is not her fault, do we teach that it is still her responsibility to cope with appropriately? Given that we provide the resources and guidance, of course. But adulthood is hard and the world isn’t going to care about what made someone the way they are. There reaches an age where one has to begin to take accountability for their own actions, regardless of what brought them there.

I am essentially terrified that this arrangement will turn into a forever situation for us if we can’t instill in her how to be a functioning human within the last 5 years before she hits legal adulthood.

And the care is genuinely there. It’s not just an “I want her out”. But there’s obviously so much nuance to the situation. I’m constantly battling the resentment of the exhaustion she causes me and wondering if it will all be for nothing, when this isn’t even something I enthusiastically signed up for but rather was thrust upon me unexpectedly with no out that wouldn’t drastically cause her further harm.

Oof. I don’t take resentment out on her but please be kind because I don’t even feel comfortable harboring it given the fragility of her situation.

I am curious if anyone has had a similar situation. We have an open adoption with our daughter, who we adopted at birth. We recently learned her older, full bio sister is in foster care in a different state. Not only that but also there has been a notice that the parent’s rights are being involuntarily terminated if they don’t show up to court.

We don’t know the circumstances around why or if she has a permanent placement established in the event rights are terminated. If she doesn’t, is it strange we want to adopt her so she can be with her sister?

We have an attorney helping us navigate this, as we want to be sensitive to the situation and do what’s right for both girls. And bare minimum, we might be able to make contact so we can support a relationship as the girls get older.

Has anyone had an experience like this? And if so, what was it like and/or how did it turn out?

My husband and I are considering DIA (we live in the US). We've talked to a few people who've been down this road and read some stories online--both positive and downright upsetting--about experiences with infant adoption. Would anyone care to share how the process went for them and what parenting an adopted infant is like? Would you recommend DIA? What is your interaction with your child's birth parent(s) like? What do you know now that you wish you knew starting out? Thanks in advance for anything you can share!

My adult child recently reached out to her birth mom. She's always know she was adopted. In foster care due to abuse, neglect, these adoptions are never open. I completely understand her curiosity, it's still hard. I don't want her getting hurt. Note I'm getting some messages that I'm not being a good mom please let me make this clear She was not good to not only my daughter but four other children she had....

Join Isaac Etter and Tony Hynes for a powerful discussion on fostering belonging in schools from the perspective of adoption professionals. Whether you’re a parent, caregiver, educator, or advocate, this event will provide practical strategies and personal stories to help support adopted and looked-after students.

Event Details:

• 📅 Date: Thursday, November 7, 2024
• ⏰ Time: 7:00 PM CST
• 📍 Location: Online
• 🎟️ Register here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/strengthening-school-belonging-insights-from-adoption-professionals-tickets-1024985769027?utm-campaign=social&utm-content=attendeeshare&utm-medium=discovery&utm-term=listing&utm-source=cp&aff=ebdsshcopyurl

What to Expect:

• Personal Stories from adoptees and adoption educators
• Practical Strategies to build connectedness and belonging in schools
• Interactive Q&A to deepen your understanding

This event is designed for anyone passionate about creating inclusive and supportive school environments. Can’t attend live? A recording will be available to all registrants.

I’m very new to this process, and of course I’m trying to learn as much as possible. My husband and I are looking to build/grow our family through adoption. I would love to be a foster parent, however, I do really want to have a family with my husband, and I’m not sure if our needs match fostering, as I know the goal is to reunify with their biological family. (And obviously I support that, but I also know we might not be able to adopt any children through fostering) my question is, are there children in foster care, available to adopt right away? Like parental rights have already been relinquished? Or should I pursue an adoption agency?

We’re not opposed to siblings groups, or anything like that, but would ideally like the adopt younger children as I feel that would be a better fit for us since we don’t have experience raising children yet.

P.S I’m sorry if anything sounds insensitive or anything, I just am trying to figure everything out, thank you!

Has anyone ever worked with Mustard seed adoption consultants? I have been meeting with several and really liked MSAC but have not found many reviews. If you worked with a consultant agency, please leave a comment letting me know your experience and if you would recommend Who you used.

I know it's called "foster to adopt", but all fostering is an attempt to get the child back with the bio parent. Long story short--I can't have kids. After some processing, I think I may want to adopt. I have actually been interested in adopting since I was a teen. I've always been very aware of the climate/environment and our society, and I have always felt like adopting is a good thing if you are capable. We are in our mid 30s, from average families with parents who are both still married. Experiencing infertility was surprisingly rough, but I've spent a few years coming to terms with it. I'm now realizing that maybe we can help change someone's life in foster care and what would be even better is if it led to adoption.

There are a few things I feel pretty strongly about. I'm really only open to kids about 6/7 or so and younger and I don't think I could foster over and over again. Eventually I think I would really like to adopt. But what are the chances of an adoption happening from foster care? And depending on the situation, I don't see myself always being open to a fully open adoption and I'd rather a semi-open one. At least until they can make their own decision.

Does foster to adopt ever really end in an adoption often? Or is it a rare thing that happens? Going this avenue, does it mean it will always be an open adoption if it turns into adoption? I'm not about secrecy or even keeping them from contact, but it really depends on the situation imo, in regards to boundaries after that point. Also, going this avenue, is it even possible to take in younger kids? We only have room for one or maybe 2 of the same gender, but I'm not even sure if that would be accepted due to having a smaller house. I'm just trying to be realistic of continuing getting info from this agency. The info session was very basic.

I live in Wisconsin. It says children eligible for adoption assistance receive Medicaid until they’re 18. Does this only apply to children adopted out of foster care? Or are ALL adopted children eligible for this? Is it income based, or just solely based off of if the child was adopted?

Thank you

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Did anyone else experience this? Feeling alone and extremely guilty.

Hi there. I 28yo female and my husband 30yo male are fostering and in the process of adopting a 16yo female. She was placed with us August 1st and adoption will be finalized in February some time. Now to my question - I left for my first solo trip for 4 days and my daughter stayed back with my husband. They met up with her bio grandma and bio grandma was drinking and this triggered my daughter and she called me very worried. We were able to get her and my husband out of the situation while not causing a scene. They went on with their day and went home and all was well. I on the other hand kept having panic attacks hearing her worried voice in my head and panicking cause I was so far away unable to help. Obviously I know I cannot struggle with postpartum but is this something other people have experiencing leaving their adoptive child for the first time? I don’t have anyone in my life that has adopted to talk to.

Hi, are most posters here new to adoption or just starting their adoption journey? Can we have a chat for parents who are long passed the adoption process and wanting to connect with other APs?

My wife and I are starting to look around at adoption options and then coming here and seeing that our state is a trainwreck does anyone know of a good place to start looking around.

We talked with a friend who adopted but that place seems to have completely shut down even before the last adoption they went through. That already feels extremely sketchy and I would hate to effectively steal a child which some of the stories I've read seem like.

Hi! I read in a couple places that an Adoption Profile book shouldn’t be more than 10-12 pages long, but everywhere I can find that does photo book printing does a minimum of 20 pages.

Where did y’all get your profile books printed? Did you end up just having to add blank pages or some other kind of filler?

UPDATE: I ended up going to my local print shop (thank you for that suggestion!) and getting them to print and spiral bind the books. Thanks for all the advice and ideas!!

Hey all, currently in the NICU and have been for 7 days with our new son (he’s a little over 2 weeks old now). His birth mom told the doctors she was on fentanyl and meth. So as soon as he was born they started the NAS process and started giving him 2 syringes of morphine every 3 hours and started weaning him every couple days. A test just came back that takes 2 weeks and he only tested positive for the amphetimines, not for fentanyl. And you don’t get withdrawal symptoms from meth. So now he’s literally been in the hospital 2 weeks for an addiction they created to morphine and were trying to get him off morphine now. I can’t be too upset about it because the mom told them she was on fentanyl so what can you do. But anyone else experience this?

We have been ttc for 3 yrs with no luck. We have tried natural (ended in miscarriage at week 11), IVF and IUI. I'm 42 and my husband is 40. I have MS which is very stable (my neuro has already said she will write me a letter) but my husband got pneumonia and which has caused him to go into kidney failure. He is doing well with dialysis and is on the transplant list. I am so scared to even try because I don't know if I can take them telling us no. This is our only option at this point. (Note we have always talked about eventually adopting so this isnt a decision out of desperation). Does anyone have any advice on where to start or if we should even try?

I thought it was some really good thought-and conversation-provoking adoption-themed stuff. Tell me what you thought of it if you’ve seen it.

My husband and i are going to be adopting an infant in the near future. We are aware of the home study that needs to be done in order for this to happen and we have a question regarding sleeping arrangements. because we are adopting an infant we wanted to put the crib in our bedroom and after 4months gradually move the baby into the nursery. does the nursery have to be set up, during the home study? can we set up the baby's things in our bedroom for the home study? has anyone had a similar experience?

I (33m) want to adopt my former girlfriend's (30) daughter (12). We have been coparenting together for the last 6 years, I've been in daughter's life since she was 1. Her biodad is across the country in another state, and has not physically or financially supported the child her entire life. I digress. Former gf and I coparent well, are in agreement about adoption, and she is the sole custodian. Biodad is on the birth certificate. I'm sure I've missed something, but I just don't know where to start or how to make this happen. Please feel free to ask, and I'll provide what information I can. Thank you all for your help.

I would like to adopt a toddler or child however most agencies and countries require the adopting parent to be married. Any single Canadian women here who’ve successfully adopted on their own?

I'm shocked to find only 3 private agencies and none of the local public ones seem to be accepting new clients. Curious to hear the experience of others.

I am a single 28M with no plans on marrying and would like to adopt / foster but, I'm scared about how single males can be labeled as a certain type of person and can get certain negative connotations associated as to what their motivations are for adopting / fostering.

About 5 years ago I read a story from USA Today that really impacted me and is a large source of motivation for why I want to adopt / foster. The story talked about how many children enter the foster care system, due to no fault of their own, and would end up being placed with abusers (all types of abusers), people just looking for a paycheck and people who just don't understand their role as a foster / adoptive parents and end up making the traumas, pain and hurt the children experience worse. This story really motivated me to want to be a safe place for children to heal, learn, grow from the traumas they've experienced and honestly, I like the idea of being a parent. I know that's easy for me to say now and that their will be many ups and downs.

Also, I do have ADHD, and would love to foster / adopt children who also have ADHD. I was diagnosed at 3 years old, so I have a lot of experience and understanding of ADHD and feel like I could connect with the children, advocate for them and help in ways other perspective adoptive / foster parents who don't have ADHD couldn't. ADHD is so much more than just being hyperactive, impulsive or inattentive. I'd also like to be able to adopt / foster a sibling group (2 - 3), no child should be separated from their siblings in these situations (very very few exceptions).

I know I have friends and family that would be more than supportive of helping me, I have the financial means to provide for 2-3 children in my house, I can provide a safe environment, I have the desire and passion to want to help these children heal and grow, I have the desire and love to give to want to be a parent, I know I'd get emotionally attached to the children but I do understand that foster cares' primary goal is reunification with the bio family and would always keep that in mind, I know being an adoptive / foster parents is not all sunshine and rainbows and it's a lot of hard work that I'm more than willing to put the effort into.

Currently I'm a contractor for my company and was told they would like to bring me on as a full time employee with them. My plan would be to start the process of getting certified to being able to adopt / foster children starting the beginning of next year. I'm just worried being labeled as a certain type of person because I'm male. I would love to hear others input/perspective on single males being adoptive / foster parents.

Hello everyone! I am just getting started with the adoption process, haven’t even had my home study yet. The other night I received a message from someone I know through work (client/customer type) that they are pregnant and would love to adopt her baby to me knowing my struggles with infertility. This is very exciting but also not how i imagined it happening. She has not made the best impression on me and I have concerns about her parenting (3 other children at home). I’m on the fence about this. I believe it’s a conflict of interest with my work situation but I can refer her to another similar business my friend runs if we decide to go forward.

What do you think? What should I do? What questions do I need to ask. How do I go about this? Should I pass on this opportunity? What risks should I consider.

We will obviously go through an agency to assure everything is done correctly and legally.

I’m looking for a form called “FOSTER/PRE-ADOPTIVE FAMILY PERSONAL REFERENCE”

My best friend is adopting a child, and he sent me a personal reference form to fill out. He is great with children, but not so great with computers. He sent me what looks like a scan of a copy of a copy. It is offset by 5 degrees, some of the text is cut off, there are dots all over the page, and it says that it was revised in 2006.

Based on what I know about the state of Massachusetts, there is a strong possibility that this is the best copy of the form. I just want to check if anyone here knows where I can find a cleaner copy online. My searching has not turned up any results yet.

I need to rant and get my frustrations out.

My husband and I matched with an expectant mom a few weeks ago and she is due to give birth this weekend. Per our agency's guidelines, we are required to take at least 6 weeks off work for bonding purposes. My husband is in a leadership role at his job and needed to take the necessary steps to ensure a smooth transition while he is OOO for 6 weeks so in short, he needed to let his team know what was going on. Well, someone spilled the beans and sent out a company wide congratulatory email about us being matched, without my husbands knowledge! We began getting packages upon packages mailed to our house of of baby items & people started leaving gifts outside of my husband's office. That is how we found out that an email has been sent.

Of course I am grateful that so many people stepped up for us BUT I am pissed at the same time. We wanted to be able to control who knew we matched and we only planned to tell our immediate families and my husband's team at work. Once we started receiving gifts, all I could think of is, what if this match falls through? My husband's entire company knows now! We are so overwhelmed by this.