Welcome to our weekly Free Talk Friday thread! Feel free to discuss anything on your mind, issues you may be dealing with, how your week has been, cool new music or tv shows, school, work, sports, anything!

We will still have a few rules:

• All of the sidebar rules still apply.
• No gender politics. The exception is for people discussing their own personal issues that may be gendered in nature. We won't be too strict with this rule but just keep in mind the primary goal is to keep this thread no-pressure, supportive, fun, and a way for people to get to know each other better.
• Any other topic is allowed.

We have an active slack channel! It's like IRC but better. Please modmail us if you would like an invitation. As a reminder, take a look at our resources wiki if you need additional support as well.

Why are women getting shorter?

This is a rhetorical question. It neither requires nor deserves an answer. But I'm sure if I'd posted it enough times to any of the dozen Reddit Ask communities, it would receive plenty. Hundreds of anonymous commenters would chime in with their thoughts about malnutrition, immigration, the sex appeal of shorter women, the appeal of "traditional" women from South and East Asia, and who knows what else.

Very, very few of them will stop to ask the question: "Are women getting shorter?"

Google doesn't provide a satisfactory answer here. Sure, if you type "Are women getting shorter?" into the search bar and press Go, you'll be greeted with a page full of news articles and scientific papers discussing women getting shorter.

Alternatively, if you type "Are women getting taller?" into the search bad and press Go, you'll.. be greeted with a page full of news articles and scientific papers discussing women getting taller.

Regardless of which question you ask, the search engine will present you with information that leads you to a "Yes". Media companies don't care about delivering truth. They care about maximizing engagement, which they translate into ad sales. Because people engage with content that confirms their preexisting beliefs, that's what media companies will serve you.

Why ask the question in the first place?

Taking advantage of the lack of media literacy on social media can help spread ideas and perceptions. By repeatedly asking the question "Why are women getting shorter," I can spread the idea that women are getting shorter in the public consciousness.

How does this benefit me? Maybe I own a series of clinics that perform leg-lengthening surgeries on women. Maybe I'm a White Supremacist who wants people to be afraid that tall, white genes are being filtered out of the gene pool. Maybe I'm a conservative operative who wants people to get behind dismantling the FDA and bringing raw milk (raw = big and strong and tall, obviously) back into stores.

Maybe I'm just some random dude on the internet who heard this somewhere and decided to amplify the message, neither knowing nor particularly caring about its impacts or the goals of the people who originated it.

What does this have to do with MensLib?

No place and no person is immune to the effects of social media. Reddit prioritizes engagement just like every other platform. As a community with a large population of white, American men, ML is a prime target for this sort of manipulation. By saturating our feeds with questions that presuppose a lie, that lie starts to stick.

What sort of lies are they feeding us today?

1. "Why is social media turning all the young men into Trump voters?" - Spoiler, it's not. Young men are as much a mixed bag as ever, presuming they bother to vote. White men make up the vast majority of the young male voter pool. This is perhaps the most stubbornly consistent voting demographic in the nation. Republicans aren't actually translating the love of Joe Rogan into real, live votes - But they'd love for you to think that they are! The perception of real world impact translates to more lucrative sponsorship and advertisement deals for Rogan and the network of Right-Wing influencers surrounding him.
2. "Why are young men so much lonelier than young women?" - They're not. Loneliness is a genderless epidemic. This is just bait designed to keep young men and young women fighting each other on social media instead of finding solidarity against the oppressive systems that keep them impoverished and exhausted. But seriously, just in case it needs to be said: We know capitalism and patriarchy are both real and interconnected. "All struggles are class struggles" doesn't mean we should be dismissing women's oppression. It means we should recognize and oppose women's oppression - and LGBTQ+ oppression, and racial oppression - as vital pillars of class warfare.
3. "Why aren't Democrats speaking to men?" - 2024 saw an avalanche of these sorts of articles. Written by Democrats. Aimed at men. It's nonsense on its face, but it's extremely popular nonsense. The vast majority of what social media mislabels "Identity Politics" coming from Democrats isn't targeted towards BIPOC and LGBTQ folx. It's lip service to marginalized people designed to make white men and upper/middle class white women in the Democratic party feel like they're the good guys. Men, particularly white men, are the single most targeted demographic in the country in media by both political parties. Why? Because they're the only voters with a home in both parties.

So what do you want me to do about it?

Just take a breath. Be aware of the media ecosystem and its incentive structures. Learn to question the premise of a discussion before you engage with it.

The next time you find yourself writing a 4-paragraph reply to someone who is clearly wrong about why women are getting shorter (Immigration? It's obviously dietary!), ask yourself: Are women actually getting shorter?

I'm feeling, as I'm sure many of you are, a feeling of whiplash or disorientation or just honest-to-God anger from what's been announced by the new Administration in the past few days. It's going at lightspeed, it seems, and so much of it touches on issues we regularly discuss here.

Just a few examples:

• A direct attack on family assistance programs including not just reproductive freedoms but also things like direct financial assistance to families through programs like SNAP

• The suspension of federal funding for loans and grants to states, likely (though it's still unclear) impacting programs like Medicaid, housing loans, environmental protections, disaster relief (FEMA), and student financial aid

• The all-out attack on trans rights from the military to civilian society

• The blanket pardons of so many violent criminals, some of them convicted sex offenders, for the violent assault on our democracy on January 6, 2021, much of it carried out by the kind of people our community stands out as a counterpoint

I don't have any good answers at this moment for any of this. I'm reeling.

I'd like to start a conversation about how we, not just as a community but as individuals, might find ways toward solutions. And I think it might be helpful to break those down into solutions on the individual and the community level.

• Individual: How are we dealing with these issues on a personal level? What steps are we taking to take care of ourselves, in the sense of personal, physical, and mental health (you can't take care of anyone else if you're not taking care of yourself) and our immediates (family, friends, neighbors)?

• Community: What steps should we be taking to address these issues at an institutional level? What kinds of actions might yield the best results for our efforts? Who do we pressure, and how? How do we cultivate a society together that recognizes and is dedicated to the values and goals of MensLib?

I'll leave my personal input on these issues in the comments. I'm eager - choking for them in fact - for anything the community has to offer on these topics. You've never let us down yet.

-CA

I was talking with a friend of mine recently who shared that he had been sober for two weeks. He spoke about his struggles with both alcohol and marijuana and how he’s been through AA in the past. Hearing him opened the space for me to share about my own struggles with addiction, something I believe most people have faced in some form, whether they realize it or not.

Addiction doesn’t just come in the form of alcohol or drugs. Many of us may not be conscious of how much we’re driven by our addictions. These can take on countless shapes, but at their core, they are anything that distracts us from being fully present, aware, and intentional. Addiction often starts as a tool to cope with life, but over time, it becomes a crutch - a way to escape discomfort and avoid the stillness within.

While the more apparent forms of addiction, like alcohol or drugs, are socially recognized, many subtler distractions are just as pervasive. Pornography, mindless entertainment, gossip, even constant engagement with international news or political drama - these can all serve as tools of avoidance. Social media, notifications, and emails constantly vie for our attention, pulling us further away from the present moment and the immediate environment where growth and balance reside.

What lies beyond these distractions is something far more meaningful: intentional time spent on generative work, meaningful relationships with others and ourselves, and the pure presence and joy of being alive. Yet, to reach that point, we often have to sit with discomfort. It requires choosing not to pick up the phone, not to scroll Instagram, and instead allowing ourselves to sit in the silence - the space in between where creativity and clarity can emerge.

This doesn’t mean that entertainment, media, or sex are inherently toxic. In balance, these can be wondrous components of a rich life. The challenge is that in today’s modern world, these things are available to us in tremendous quantities, often overwhelming our ability to consume them mindfully. Everything, even something as seemingly positive as work or food, can become harmful if taken to excess. It’s a responsibility we all carry to choose mindfully where we direct our attention, because where our attention goes, our energy flows.

And it all starts with the breath.

By pausing to notice our breath, we create a moment of presence - a space to reflect and choose intentionally rather than reactively. From there, we can begin to reclaim our power, not just over our addictions but over the entire direction of our lives.

Source: https://www.brotherhoodembodied.com/blog/from-stress-to-service-regulating-the-nervous-system-for-greater-impact-4d2mz-pm3mf

Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)

Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.

Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.

If you find yourself in particular struggling to go on, please take a moment to read and reflect on this poem.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This mental health check-in thread is NOT a substitute for real-world professional help/support. MensLib is NOT a mental health support sub, and we are NOT professionals! This space solely exists to hold space for the community and help keep each other accountable.

The story is about a warlock who magically removes his heart from his body to protect himself against the vulnerabilities of love. Eventually, after realizing that other people look down on him for not having married, he courts a witch who remains skeptical of his affection. When she doesn't believe he really has a heart, he shows her the crystal casket where he keeps his literal heart, which by now is withered and overgrown with hair. Things go downhill from there in a memorably gruesome manner.

This is one area where I do feel like I "gotta hand it to" JKR, because this is quite an apt metaphor for how patriarchy encourages men to harden themselves against other people in general and to view a singular woman as a salvation from that; see also the essay "Authoritarians and the Ideology of Love" as well as my Tumblr post about "normative male BPD" (in the same spirit as normative male alexithymia).

Welcome to our weekly Free Talk Friday thread! Feel free to discuss anything on your mind, issues you may be dealing with, how your week has been, cool new music or tv shows, school, work, sports, anything!

We will still have a few rules:

• All of the sidebar rules still apply.
• No gender politics. The exception is for people discussing their own personal issues that may be gendered in nature. We won't be too strict with this rule but just keep in mind the primary goal is to keep this thread no-pressure, supportive, fun, and a way for people to get to know each other better.
• Any other topic is allowed.

We have an active slack channel! It's like IRC but better. Please modmail us if you would like an invitation. As a reminder, take a look at our resources wiki if you need additional support as well.

So, I'm posting this to ask a question and make a suggestion:

1: Big Brothers Big Sisters is an organization that is apparently woefully in need of male volunteers. As someone who is very concerned about the ways that men are growing up, I think that the best way to help them avoid the more extreme elements of the online is to show boys and young men that they matter: That they are valuable in and of themselves without strings attached. I've read reports that something as simple as soccer matches in the middle east can help ease tensions between groups of people, maybe taking a kid out to games or the museum who would otherwise spend his time alone in his room might help him grow on a better path.

2: I wanted to know if any of you have any experience with the organization? I'm wondering if you have, what are the kind of things you guys have done with your little? Any advice? I've just signed up and am going to my first virtual meeting in a little under a month.

Hello friends,

Some masculine identified folks and I are looking to start a men’s group in our area. We are generally looking to create a space to discuss, scrutinize, critique, and celebrate our relationship with masculinity through a liberatory feminist lens.

The group currently consistently of 3 cis men and 2 trans men; we are open to anyone who identifies with masculinity that we know and trust.

My question to you all; what resources do you know of that may help us in the formation of this group?

Thank you!

Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)

Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.

Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.

If you find yourself in particular struggling to go on, please take a moment to read and reflect on this poem.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This mental health check-in thread is NOT a substitute for real-world professional help/support. MensLib is NOT a mental health support sub, and we are NOT professionals! This space solely exists to hold space for the community and help keep each other accountable.

A misattribution error occurs when the crime is actually committed, but the perpetrator is misidentified (i.e. they got the wrong guy) often because of over-reliance on police lineups, especially in stranger cases, and not enough reliance on DNA evidence, which is too often in backlog.

Most false convictions occur as a result of a misattribution error.

Testing DNA has helped free Dean Cage, Michael Mercer, Gerardo Cabanillas, Ronald Cotton, Robert DuBoise, James Clay, Rafael Ruiz, Keith Howard, Perry Lott, who would not have been freed if the rape kits associated with their cases hadn't been tested.

The U.S. DoJ and American Bar Association recommend testing all rape kits, even when the statute of limitations (if there is one) has expired. Doing so can help catch more serial offenders, as old kits can help corroborate current victims' cases, and can also help free the innocent, especially innocent Black men.

If you live in one of the states listed below, honor Dr. King today by writing your state lawmakers to ask that all rape kits be tested, even those past the statute of limitations.

Alabama, California, Indiana, Iowa, Louisiana, Maine, Minnesota, Mississippi, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New Jersey, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Tennessee, and Wyoming do not mandate the testing of backlogged kits.

After you've written your state lawmaker, reach out to a few friends to ask them to do the same. Together, we can right some wrongs!

Welcome to our weekly Free Talk Friday thread! Feel free to discuss anything on your mind, issues you may be dealing with, how your week has been, cool new music or tv shows, school, work, sports, anything!

We will still have a few rules:

• All of the sidebar rules still apply.
• No gender politics. The exception is for people discussing their own personal issues that may be gendered in nature. We won't be too strict with this rule but just keep in mind the primary goal is to keep this thread no-pressure, supportive, fun, and a way for people to get to know each other better.
• Any other topic is allowed.

We have an active slack channel! It's like IRC but better. Please modmail us if you would like an invitation. As a reminder, take a look at our resources wiki if you need additional support as well.