Hey guys, so I am falling to the redpill again, and I noticed that is almost like a drug, when you fell down and things are not working out, the redpill looks attractive again, making all sense and stuff.

I just want to get rid of this, but in order to that, I think I have to be successful in some way, but you know, it's not easy.

I am subscribed to shoe on head. I just recently started watching her. So my questions are is she red pill or problematic/ toxic ?

i was on Threads, and i was writing redpilled comments to posts on threads. And there was a thread posted by some woman talking about male loneliness being mens fault and not women and there was an other woman who posted talking about males harassing women. And i told her dming a woman and asking her out is not harassment stop falsely accusing men of that. She told me to stay lonely and i said you all live in delusional fairy tail world. And called her the R slur and told her you all are delusional.

Basically i go to threads every time and like other comments made by men that are redpilled or blame women. This was my first time getting into an argument. I let the redpill take control of me. And ever since i lost that one friend and had a fight with her. I become resenting her and women and going on threads and liking any redpilled or anti women post or comment. I lost 4 friends with women in a row. I feel anxious and terrible now and see why the redpill is toxic now.

I admit i had been a piece of shit to my 4 former friends and ever since i lost my last one it’s been very hard to cope and to not have a misogynist mindset. I still talk to women in my good days and it makes me feel good for a day. But i feel like shit.

Just that.

UPDATE

Does anyone know why he is bald?

Does Matt cross from the33secrets and alphamalesecrets stage his interactions with women ?

Red pill attracts the wounded masculine, and tricks them into thinking getting their relationship needs met will be through sex and control. Unfortunately the true work needs to be in healing old wounds. Has anyone found any good resources to suggest the true healing is in attachment theory and not treating women like they aren’t good enough?

They try to come off as knowledgeable but I really think it's just a cover up for feeling weak. They try to tell you women are like this and to me its just their personal failures and instead of looking at themselves they look at it like it's the woman's fault. I'm not listening to anyone's dating advice because I feel a lot of times it's their own personal problems and not something that applies to normal everyday people.

I think a lot of people originally joined Red pill because of the dating climate change, we all know about social media and the dating apps, do you think things are evening out nowadays in 2024, or do you still find that dating is harder than ever

(Hey all, this is a long and potentially traumatic post. Please tread lightly if you've dealt with SA.)

I am a 22 year old male in the USA who has, to put it lightly, been a horrible person and got what I deserved.

I won't get into details, but I had a track record of cheating on my partner, and in the process (TW)>!I groped and fondled two female friends in my junior year of college without their consent. (It was borderline enough that it did not 'legally count' as SA under either the law or school rules [trust me, they tried], but I still traumatized them both.)!<

Edit: Someone reached out to me suggesting that I be careful about the language I use, in order to better honor the experiences of victims and avoid conflating different levels of violence against women. I called it s**xual a**ult in the original edit but I changed that in the spoiler block above to better reflect what I did.

Thankfully, actions have consequences. The two former friends I hurt started talking with each other + other people I knew, and got enough evidence together to get me kicked out of basically everything that I was involved with in college. I was fired from my programming job, got broken up with, blocked by nearly all of my friends, and banned from pretty much every campus club/activity I had ever participated in. (Frankly I am lucky I wasn't expelled from university. My legal and academic records are clean, which is about the only thing that's still intact.)

It's been about 9 months since this happened. I took a gap year from college and have been seeing a therapist weekly.

Therapy is probably the most important thing that's happened to me in my life, as it helped me to recognize what drove me to behave like this & how it affected the people in my life. I naturally still have a lot to work through but I feel like a radically different person than I did a year ago. At first I was really angry and depressed at having lost nearly everything in my life, but over time I've come to understand that this was something that needed to happen to put me on the journey of being a better person.

My problem now is... I'm not exactly sure what comes next. I have detached myself from society - I am holed up in a cheap studio apartment on the outskirts of town with the savings I had stored up from my job. I've kept myself mostly sane by getting into solo hobbies, cooking, spending time in the outdoors, etc, but I have no social life remaining and I'm in a smallish college town where everyone knows each other and everyone talks.

The only friends I have remaining are internet friends who don't know anything about the situation, and they're not really that close either. I don't have a safe family to go back to and I need to stay here to finish my degree.

In terms of finances, I have a car and enough savings for about half a year. I'm skeptical of my ability to hold down a job because I think my old friends will just find where I'm working and get me removed again (I also have a disability that bars me from food service and manual labor jobs, so those haven't been an option).

I'm also frankly terrified to try re-entering society because everyone I knew from my old life knows the truth about me and I don't expect them to want to uh, 'reconnect'. (Note: I have absolutely ZERO plans to attempt dating or relationships for at least another year - my therapist and I agree that would be a horrible idea.)

So, I need some advice. My therapist is amazing for working through the mental side of things but quite shit at giving mundane life advice. I need to finish college, find a job that won't get me fired or destroy my health, and figure out how to build up social connections in a city where my reputation is completely shot.

I know it's a hard sell, but I would really appreciate some advice. I'm trying to work on myself and be someone that I would be proud of eventually. How should I move forward?

I can't get a girlfriend regardless of many cold approaches on the street and trying to get dates on dating apps. My last relationship was in 2022. After then, we broke up and I'm still single.

My biggest fear is that what if there's some sort of a curse or unluckiness on me that's gonna make it impossible for me to get a girlfriend again.

Do you think I need therapy? If so, what kind of therapy? CBT, or other types?

So like imagine the stereotypical nerdy guy, quiet, reserved, introverted, kind of a hermit, not much social battery, a little awkward, don't like going out much, not super fun and spontaneous, don't like clubs, partying, doesn't drink, is mostly interested in geek culture and just doesn't really relate to most people. That's me, to a T. I'm also not someone very ambitious career wise, am very laid back, prefer to take it easy.

I've come to realize that, even if I work on myself a lot, I just don't have a personality that's very attractive. I would literally have to change so much about myself to get where I want that I'd basically be a different person. I'm just never going to be one of those charismatic, social butterfly guys women gravitate towards.

And I envy that so much, because I wish my personality was also seen as attractive. I wish I could be desirable and get that amount of attention just being myself, because truthfully, through therapy I realized I really like who I am. I see no need to change those aspects of myself, I like who I am and so do the few friends I have, but I still desperately crave that attention and experience that being conventionally attractive provides.

So I feel unappreciated, frustrated, inferior, like there's a social caste and I'm just at the bottom of it, it's just rooted in who I am. I see people celebrating what they love in their partners, and they never sound anything like me. They're always bragging about how charismatic, altruistic, driven, passionate, sociable they are, and I'm just left feeling like crap because I know that's not really who I am.

How do I cope with not being popular? Not being seen as attractive?

I am a 37 year old virgin - certainly not by choice. Whenever I hear friends, male and female, talk about their sexual experience in their teens and 20s, it fills me with an indescribable rage. And I have no idea how to deal with it. Does anybody else have similar experiences?

I grew up extremeley poor and bullied by my father and kids at school. To be frank with you, I feel like my worst insecurity is my parents poverty and it is the main reason I have lived this lifestyle. They couldn't afford extremely basic things and only ever made 8-20k a year as long as I've been alive. The logic in my head works like "I live in poverty no one will like me".

Got sucked into self improvement via David Goggins because my grades were shit and then kinda into redpill stuff. Spent 90% of my time alone grinding and also failing at online dating instead of building social circles which is actually how you meet people. Now I'm done college and I'm incapable of maintaining social circles because I'm bitter and cynical and jaded because I was radicalised into thinking that I'm inadequate unless I was grinding 24/7 and no one would like me anyway so whats the point and I'm also petrified of the people I went to class with even sitting in lecture halls when I'm not talking to anyone. So I did that instead of becoming an actual likeable person.

To be fair to myself, I think my father traumatised me and gave me extreme anxiety and I'm a first generation college grad and I'm in shape. On the other hand I spend less than 1 hour a week with friends and have for the last 5 years and never had a girlfriend and I feel like I'm fucking dying everyday.

No one wants to spend their time with someone as bitter and jaded as me and I honestly have been rejected so much by people in life that I stopped putting in effort into maintaining relationships, and if girls do talk to me I just feel dissapointment because theres a 99% chance they're just gonna ghost so I ghost first.

I don't want to ask any of my friends to hangout anymore because I would just be bothering them but I'm so lonely I start to think about k!lling myself for a long time because there doesn't seem to be an escape and this is it in life and I don't want to continue living this experience. I look so tired and dead behind the eyes when I see a picture of myself now.

I had a fight at college as well with one of the popular frat boys which didn't help and my future coworkers consequently think I'm an emotional freak. Someone approached me in a bar and told me I was a dickhead and walked away because I reported someone in my group project for not submitting any work in a senior year capstone project. I did it to save my own grade because mine tanked last semester from working so much so I could pay bills.

I should have just worked out twice a week and focused on my grades and making friends in college and settled for a mid tier job or something. Never again.

One of the most common idea that I have come across in TRP is that many of the places that educate young boys are mostly run by women. School for instance, monoparental family with single mothers. They also give examples of the representation of modern family in TV show where the dad is out of touch with everything while the mom is empowered

So TRP claims that it is not the toxic masculinity the root of all problem but rather the lack off.

Any thoughts on that idea ?

I know I know, first world problems right here…

Some of you guys might’ve seen my previous post on a similar subject, and now I wanted to actually dive deeper into it…

I realized i am pretty jealous of my friends who are more successful sexually than me, and I realized their only redeeming quality is that they’re attractive, that’s it… sure they might have their confidence, but I feel like that confidence is really a byproduct of them being treated better because they’re objectively more attractive than the average person:

I’m 170cm (5’7), average face with acne, and as of now pretty shitty-average body, but even when I was working out consistently and had somewhat of a good body (esp for someone my age) I still fell short (then again that was back when I was really into this red pill stuff, so maybe I just wasn’t in the right mind game)

Meanwhile my friend who has just been blessed with a cute face and is 185cm tall (like 6’1-6’2 ?) and has a good fashion sense just seems to have it so easy.

Heck actually forget about him, I used to know another dude who’s the same height as me but has a god tier face card, and that was enough for him to be sexually successful, I literally hung out w him once cuz I knew him online, and after we hung out I unfollowed him cuz it literally made my blood boil that someone who’s also queer and is my height could have it so easy, i was furiously jealous.

And trust me when I say this, none of these guys have a “good” personality (not saying they’re bad people), both of them are porn addicts, one of them is an alcoholic, the other is a chronic vaper and smoker, they’re both super fucking weird, but it’s okay bcuz they’re attractive! When I was being weird I got bullied for it, I got bullied so bad I had to change schools like three times (IN HIGH SCHOOL ALONE, three years is the duration of high school here btw, so I basically changed schools every year…)

Another thing that bothers me isn’t even the sex thing, it’s the fact that I can literally see their life being easier than mine in every other aspect because they’re just more attractive, they talk to people easily, they get approached by ppl on a frequent or semi frequent basis (meanwhile I’ve only been approached once, and honestly I wasn’t that into the person), the tall guy I talked about earlier literally gets approached to do ads! And I’m an actual actor! I’ve never been approached to do an ad…

Sure, u could say that I could just improve my style and my fitness and stuff, and Yk what, ur not wrong, but it’s like, why tf do I have to work so hard for something as stupid as this? Cuz ik eventually if I do become attractive and have this “sexual abundance” I’m just gonna get tired of it anyway, so it’s like I’m conflicted, do I just work on this and become the playboy I’ve always wanted to be and become tired of it eventually, or do I just live a chill life and settle down with a long term partner when I’m older, but have this lingering thought about how things could’ve been if I was born slightly taller and slightly more attractive…

One thing also I wanna point out is that when ur just born attractive u literally don’t even have to go in these internet rabbit holes ever, so ur saved from the trauma and brainwashing, life is so unfair sometimes I swear.

This was a lot to dump on here and honestly if I could I would’ve dumped more but I want to make this somewhat digestible so that I can get some guidance on this, what do u guys think? How did y’all deal with this resentment without going the nuclear option of “taking the red or black pill”

What would you have liked to have been told when you were inside the red pill/black pill so you could have gotten out of it in the first moment and saved yourself from so much emotional damage? I am trying to help a friend. I ended up so damaged and I dont want the same for him

I'm not sure why, but routinely online or out of the blue I keep hearing women go on tangers about their types and it frustrates me. Aside from the fact that I'd never say that, I continually feel inferior to what is promulgated; like if I ever were to get a chance, it would like playing basketball at recess, I'd be picked last year again. It's I'm bottom of the barrel with another bottom of the barrel. How do I overcome these feelings of inferiority and that I am in a competition?

If alot of the behaviors / actions of women that all the people in the manosphere talk about are biologically driven / instinctual or automatic I don’t think it’s fair for men to hate women for that stuff or harbor resentment for them. For example if shit tests are biologically driven is it really fair for men to get pissed at women when they do them. I’m going to say no. That’s just 1 potential example. I’m not saying I can prove that those behaviors are biologically driven or instinctual/ automatic I’m just saying if they are it’s not fair to get angry at women for them. I get being alittle sad that it’s true but it’s not women’s fault for nature. Just because you or I don’t like something about nature doesn’t mean nature cares. There’s plenty of things about nature that are awful. Nature doesn’t care about people’s feelings. I’m not going to give anymore examples. I probably could but I think I have made my point about certain things being instinctual / biologically driven.

I’m worried that my friend has become a red piller after saying that Sneako, Adin Ross, Tate, Fresh and Fit , fousey are all good role models and that he aspires to be like him when he’s older. He’s also in committed relationship with his girlfriend. I’ve urged him to not Watch them but he’s told me that my mind is fogged by the left. I don’t know what to do

Hello, my long history with TRP and the Black Pill caused self sabotaging behaviour again and I wanted to get my story off my chest. Outside of my therapist, I’ve never really mentioned it and I feel embarrassed telling it to others.

Growing up as a teenager in the 2000s, us guys used to be fairly ruthless with making fun of each other in high school. Guys would be made fun of for all sorts - whether being pale, being black, being fat, being thin, being rich, being poor etc. In my case, other students would ridicule me as someone who other students be a virgin for life because I was shy around women. This extended to teachers - one of whom was still making fun of me never getting laid to his new class after I’d left the school. There was nothing inherently “wrong” with me; I wasn’t ugly, overweight, short etc.

Owing to the all the derision I’d received by others about not being good enough to find a woman/date, I’d be even more anxious around them and struggle on dates. I did fall into the black pill and some of its fatalistic thinking - chiefly stuff like “if a woman does or doesn’t do x, she doesn’t like you”. With both pills advocating a heavy deal of suspicion with women and my own belief of not being good enough, it has caused problems with them as I tend to self-sabotage. And having been told I’m not good enough for women, I have a much more suspicious view of women I’m talking to and being a bit more prickly with women I talk to romantically because of my perceived inadaquecy. I tend to take things personally a lot more, and hedge my value on what they think of me and how soon they’ll sleep with me. Which has led so many good opportunities to go pear shaped.

I’m in the process of changing my thought pattern. But since I was 14 I’ve been told I wasn’t good enough because I wouldn’t be able to attract women, then stuff like the red and black pill reinforcing your value in life is how well you can attract women; it’s created a damaging level of centring my value on how I attract women and whether I believe they are attracted to me.

I’m in therapy, it’s a long process but it’s a start.

Im 25 gonna be 26 soon and for the last few years I've just had a string of meaningless sex with several different women. But nowadays it feels like the thrill of being able to get women is fading and it's starting to bore me. I'm also craving just having a girlfriend and getting close with one girl, but idk. Just wondering if this is normal as you get older and looking for some advice I guess.

Hey guys I’m not really sure how to word all this, but my ( 35 f ) boyfriend ( 45 m ) have been together for a long time. I grew up in a very republican, conservative family and I held on to those values for the majority of my life. However, when I deconstructed my faith and what I believed a few years ago, I no longer hold true to those beliefs. My boy friend and I have been together for like ten years- he never was Into politics ( in fact when I was republican I used to talk to him a lot about it ) he never cared and just sorta let me say what I wanted to say. Again, he doesn’t get I to politics at all nor ever had opinions on it. Over the past five or 6 years I completly walked away from my old beliefs and we stopped talking politics all together. Fast forward to now, and all of a sudden my boyfriend is super charged about trans people and how they aren’t “ biological “ men or women and how it’s wrong for us to pretend with them. And he talks about Jordan Peterson and Elon musk to be good smart people, Ben Shapiro and Charlie Kirk too. He says he doesn’t consume a lot of it but when we got on these subjects he sounds exactly like what they would say ( again I’ll add that 6+ years ago I would have agreed with him when I was a Christian still and had no understanding of the world outside of that lense ). We will have some political talks here and there and it just makes me u comfortable how he spits out what they say as facts constantly and then will assure me he doesn’t watch too much of this stuff but really I think he is. Again, he isn’t religious and never was into this before but out of no where now he watches all these videos online about it. How do I turn off this brainwashing? Today I told him “ look I used to listen to the exact people your getting this from, and then I decided that if their arguments really hold up, then I can look at it from the opposite side and if I can’t read it down then it is solid. If I go about it from the other side and those idea fall apart from opposite thinking, then those ideas are not solid and that everything should be scrutinized to be sure your right from every angle” and his response is “ you sound like those crazy liberals now though when u used to not sound like them”

I’m not sure how to navigate this, as I am someone who came out of it and I feel so far away from it now, and I also feel like the pull into the red pill lifestyle is certainly more powerful for men than it is for women.

Have any of you been down this red pill path and walked away? What made you open your eyes

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/jan/28/sex-love-communicate-erotic-hormonal-closer-hug

Comments?

Ok. So I began thinking of my past relationship, and friends stories of X’s, and stories from struggling couples. (There’s obviously a selection bias issue, and I’m not projecting this onto every woman)

But I seem to notice a trend of women being unhappy with something and creating a big issue and fireworks with what seems like no plan to bring a resolution to the problem. A resolution where the two can move forward better. It’s almost like the fight/ drama is the main goal and not the resolution of the issue.

It seems like impulsiveness where the girl wants to be heard and let her partner know what the issue is at all costs then putting the burden on the man to fix the problem now that he is aware of it.

The question that comes to mind is, “if this issue bothers you so much why don’t you take the initiative to fix it?”

Its never, “here’s the issue I have, here’s how I think you can help, let’s take some steps to get me to a place where I want to be.”

It always come across as, “I don’t like this and that what’s up? What are you gonna do about it?”

So, I've seen more and more redpills influencers advocate for DNA test and prenups for several reasons. What do you think about these ? Is that a toxic practice to introduce in a relationship or should it be mandatory ?

Hey all,

I dipped into the red pill a while back and now semi-detoxed. I find I am way more insecure about women than I was before I found the material.

Right now, I'm seeing this girl and I can't help but think stuff like:

"Ah she's just using me for validation. She doesn't really like me because I'm beta."

"I'm not dominant enough. She's getting railed by bad boys she actually likes."

"She hasn't texted me back. She's probably busy getting railed by a dude."

"She was last online at midnight but didn't answer my text. She's getting railed by a dude."

At one moment, I had a breakdown because she hadn't texted for a while before our date. She ended up texting the morning of and we had a great time. So my worries were for nothing.

She's affectionate and romantic with me and spends a lot of time with me (4 hour dates) despite her being a horrible texter (she takes forever to respond at times).

We've seen each other 4 times. Planning to see each other again this week.

But I can't shake the feeling that I'm a "beta orbiter" who's being used by her for some nefarious means. And that she doesn't really like me and she actually likes some bad boy somewhere.

Is this heightened paranoia and insecurity a common side effect of the red pill?

She could literally cry and proclaim her love for me and I'd probably still be doubtful. It feels horrible.

Did y'all go through this and fix it?

Edit: We have had sex too, just to make it clear this isn't me in the friend zone.

Update: I have gone on 7 dates with her. It's going well after some hiccups here and there (unrelated to me). So my fears about the texting have not been proven valid so far. I've decided to detox from all dating advice. I've also come to the conclusion that I need to expose myself to my fears (some perpetuated by TRP, others not) and not perform any ruminations or compulsions that make them seem valid. I need to sit with the possibility and accept that the future is uncertain.

And I’m talking about how it relates to dating. I wouldn’t really say I haven’t had luck with dating but I have very limited experience for my age(25) I’ve never been in a serious relationship. Most of my love interests and crushes fall flat, but when I have an active dating life I tell myself I had nothing to worry about.

I do wonder if being a more traditional version of a man would genuinely be helpful because I do lack a lot of what most would say is masculine and therefore (possibly) what the kind of women I might want would find more attractive.

Examples are I’m highly sensitive(have adhd) While ive never been in bad shape and started working out more regularly, I’m pretty skinny and maybe a little underweight. I can be socially awkward Most of my close friends are women.

I just wonder if I did have more traditional qualities and maybe even values, like having mostly male friends, learn to have thicker skin, continued to work out.. maybe I’d genuinely be happier.

What are you’re thoughts

I am 24 years old. When I was 21, I met someone on the street via cold approach.

The relationship lasted for 1,5 years and then we broke up. She found someone else but I couldn't. I have been single for 2 years. I tried to meet with women on the street many times, but it didn't work. I tried dating apps but it still didn't work. I met someone on the street a week ago, but because I have an intolerance to uncertainty, she got fed up with me and we stopped talking.

There are things about uncertainty that I can't tolerate, such as the constant desire to send messages, getting overly nervous when she doesn't answer, worrying about what if we can't meet, what if she leaves me, etc. We kissed on the first date. But I also need the later steps to happen as well. I need it to happen one more time so that I can prove to myself that I am normal and I can do it like other men.

I researched a lot on the internet, asked some of my close friends and my psychiatrist about texting, why this didn't work with the girl, etc. They said that I shouldn't be needy and should act cool.

I don't know what should I do. I don't know whether to continue with the cold approach, use a dating app, go to a bar/club, or if I should attend social meetings; which even if I did, I don't know how to meet with girls there.

My biggest fear, the biggest worry I've had for a year, and the situation that made me go to the psychiatrist is this: I can't forget about my ex-girlfriend. She's with someone else now but I'm not. "What if this situation continues like this for the rest of my life?" I'm so scared and anxious. "What if bad luck is upon me? What if I am cursed?" I have paranoid things like this in my mind. What if I never find anyone again and live alone for all my life?

What do you think is wrong with CA? THANKS.

My friends had a discussion about attraction, and what would men and women consider to be attractive.

I come from the viewpoint that women, generally speaking, choose who to be with based on physical features like men do. This is because one has to have a good first impression to get one's foot in the door. Suppose I put some women and men together in a room and I ask the women which man would they consider the most attractive; those women would say that the man who is the tallest and skinniest or most muscular is the most attractive.

One of my friends is of a different view. He says that while, yes, a woman will consider that aforementioned man attractive, it doesn't mean that they would go out with them. That is because the female gaze is about how the guy would make them feel, regardless of how he looks. And if you take into account how there are a only few men that would be considered conventionally attractive, it would make sense that women aren't choosing men based on how they look (an example is the "hot ex" that women talk about).

While I understand his view in general, parts of my experience doesn't allow me to understand the full depth of what he's saying.

Based on my experience as a short guy, I've never had compliments about my height (I'm 5'3); it always the butt of several jokes. I've been called an elf, a smurf, and I've been compared to several short anime characters (like Levi Ackerman and Edward Elric). That doesn't happen that often with taller men.

I've had women say in my presence that they'd never date a short guy. I'd have others who'd call me "adorable" for it, and some (who are much taller than me) even offered for me to sit on their laps (and I decided to play along with it anyway, cuz why not).

All in all, my height is treated like a funny gimmick rather than an attractive trait. People can make jokes about it if they want, but jokes tend to be parodies of truth. My height is clearly not attractive to women, which makes me not understand his viewpoint. How could a woman be interested in me with all the parameters of male attractiveness (such as sexual dimorphism) put into perspective, and one can still say that women don't look for partners that way? It just feels like a clash to me. I really need help understanding this. Thank you.