How do people balance wanting to be a safe person who isnt looking for partners in everyone, and also not wanting to be single? Cuz i have this paradox where, as far as i can tell (im obv not a woman, im just going off what i’ve heard from women)

A. As a woman it’s a very negative experience to have a friend you see platonically confess to you (which makes sense) B. Women dont want to be randomly hit on (which also makes sense! I imagine it’s a really gross feeling to be hit on by someone you don’t know)

I just… dont know what the first step is.

I’ve found I’m a pretty charismatic person, and can strike up conversations and make people laugh pretty easily. I just dont know how to get to any bases, past waiting for a woman to have interest in me to start. And I 100% am the stereotype of guys being super oblivious to signals.

I really want to be desired but I dont know how to check or ask without seeming like a creep or desperate.

(Fyi im a minor so dont recommend meeting people at clubs/bars plz :p)

PS i also have terrible luck with the people i form crushes on turning out to be gay. Thats neither here nor there, i just wanted to share

so, I'm in college right now, and I'm older than most of my peers, since I entered two later than most

in the city I live and study at there's practically only this college and there's only engineering courses there, and I feel like I don't fit exactly well there

I have a single genuine friend there, but we're friends since high school and we only hang out when our other friends come to our city, so not often

other than him, everyone else I know isn't exactly a friend, but more like a classmate I can talk to sometimes about college stuff, and I tried inviting them to go out sometime but no one wanted to do that, they'd rather hang out in their friend groups and with their partners

there aren't many parties, places to go, stuff to do, so most of the time I'm just going to class or in my room, and I really feel like I need human contact, but I don't know what to do, any help? I just want to meet new people and make some friends if possible, but I really feel like I don't fit here

Hey bros! It's time for your weekly vibe check. How are you doing? Anything you're struggling with? Do you need advice, or would you like to share an achievement with us?

thanks to the bros/bras taking the time to read this.

I am a university graduate, former college athlete, current gym rat, and got a great fulfilling career that also pays well.

I dont have issues making friends as i have a lot, but mostly dudes and maybe their so's but majority men friend base.

i dont like to drink alcohol so please dont suggest bars or nightclubs.

I am pretty nice to everyone in my community and people find me easy to talk to because im laid back and make others laugh easily.

I dont want to approach women which is why i specifically stated that i dont want to turn into a pick up artist. i want to be desired and chosen by a women who sees me as a high value and sees the work that i have put in to be my best possible version.

but since i turned 30 and have no experience i think i am an incel but i dont want to be .. please help.

This didn't seem like a relationship post, so i decided to post it here. I hope its correct.

For a bit of background, i'm 21 and bi. I grew up religious, and i never even knew what sex was. I still get so nervous when my friends ask if i masturbate, or if i have a crush or similiar.

I'm from an immigrant family, and were they are from people don't do the whole dating thing. The expectation, for both men and women, is to arrive until marriage, commonly an arranged one, chaste and have your first sexual experience on your wedding night.

While i never wanted an arranged marriage, having grown up in the west, i still had the idea that you only have sex when you are in a LTR. Recently something changed, and i started wanting something different.

I want to have some kind of hoe phase. I want to explore my sexuality, find what i like, be it with men or women. But i want to do it prepared.

I have some hangups about it that i want to resolve. I want the experience to be enjoyable for both me and my partners. I'm going to be honest to the other person that i'm interested in something purely physical. I have heard from many people how they felt lied to and used when the other party only used them for sex. I want my partner to enjoy it like me.

Until recently i was very inept when it was about sex and relationships. And i have many holes in my knowledge about it:

1. Do i have to take them out on a date? As the man, do i have to pay? Does the dynamic change in any way with same sex people? How much money should i be prepared to spend? I have heard said that dating is expensive. Is hooking up too?

2. I'm a virgin. How much is it going to impact? Do people that want just sex seek a more experienced partner? Do i have to tell them of my level of experience?

3. Do i ask people at bars and clubs? Dating apps? Other places?

4. Hookups are different than relationships in that looks seem to matter more, from what i understand. I am not exxactly bad looking, fairly average. I'm not overweight, but have some fat on my stomach. Is it going to impact my chances in a big manner? I started excercising recently, so should i wait until i'm better shape? I'm not that much afraid of rejection, but if the probability is next to none, maybe i should wait.

5. I know about condoms and other types of birth control, but is there any extra advice on being safe? Should i ask if they have any STD? When is the best time to ask?

I'm sorry if this feels like a long list. Like i said, i'm not very experienced, so i'm trying to get as much advice as i can.

I also would like some advice, if they feel comfortable in answering, from women that frequent this sub. Like i said, i want my partners to feel safe, so if you have any advice regarding that or any other thing on my list, it is appreciated.

Bros, are nerd bros welcome here? I want to tell you about an inspiring quote that has been helping me get through tough times.

Aurë entuluva!

That's elven for, "Day will come again!" It's spoken by this really amazing dude Hurin who fights an epic battle and loses, then goes through a series of hardships and tragedies. How does it end for him? It's a bit ambivalent, but it's tragic and heroic at the same time.

Hey bros, we have noticed a lot of relationship related posts. We are not a relationship advice subreddit, but we recognise how that type of advice may be helpful. Please keep relationship posting in this pinned thread.

I’m going to try my best to stay within the rules and choose my words carefully. First and foremost, take care of yourselves, bros. If you need time to process, time to feel, or just time to disconnect, please take it. Treat yourselves gently and don’t make any decisions you can’t take back.

If you’re feeling up to it, now is the time to be a support for others. We all have people in our lives that are probably hurting right now, especially women and folks in the LGBT community. If you have the emotional bandwidth, check in on the people you know and love today and over the next few days. Listen and empathize, and let them know that you will be there for them. When times get tough, we need to rely on the people who support us, and be a support for others when we can.

I love you all, bros. Be safe and good luck.

I hope this fits here and doesnt belong in some specific thread.
Over the past decade I have lost atleast two friends, breaking contact with them after finding out they were abusive to their partners. It felt like an easy choice because none of them seemd to regret it, and tried to excuse it or flat out deny it despite evidence.
Recently another third friend just broke up with his gf and it seems really messy. He admitted to hitting her, but as opposed to other (x)-friends he openly regrets it, admit it was wrong and that he should not have done it. Some context (NOT EXCUSE OR JUSTIFICATION) it seems she has been very manipulative towards him as well, trying to control his money, over diagnosed him and made him take medicine he should not take etc. and gaslighting. my friend also has plenty of trauma from his childhood.
He explains his lashing out as a trauma response from panicking, while still maintaining that it does not excuse what he did.

I have explained that I am extremely upset and dissapointed, but I will help him move so they can separate properly, and help him financially if he needs it (struggle with jobs/income) but I also made it clear I want him to seek help and talk to a therapist/psychiatrist - not just for his own trauma but to properly address his anger and why he became violent. He agreed that he needs professional help.

I cant shake the feeling that im being inconsistent. Am I keeping a friend despite doing something that I ditched other friends for doing? I want to help him if he is ready to address everything and become a better person. But knowing what he has done, it feels weird. Do you all think im handling it correctly?

Hey bros, I (21M) am really struggling with my self image at the moment. I personally do not see myself as a valuable man because I fear I don’t fit into the superficial standard of what an “ideal” man should am a 6’1 white guy, which does fit into the “ideal”, but I am probably a 6/10 in the face, and pretty skinny, which goes against everything that men are supposed to be rigid and built and tough. Mean are also supposed to be assertive and loud, while I am more laid back and soft spoken. Men are supposed to be “providers” and make lots of money, while I am pursuing a career choice that I am passionate about, but alas probably won’t make tons of money. This is heavily affected my confidence in the dating market, as I see dudes around my college campus who do look like that and then I automatically remove myself from the dating scene, asking myself why would anyone want to be with me if those guys are out there? I have been told all my life that I am funny, kind, emphatic, and . But for whatever reason I feel like these traits are an afterthought when trying to date as I feel I will be automatically excluded due to the things I have written above. I come to this sub as a way to help deal with these thoughts of worthlessness and lack of value in the dating market. I come to this sub for positive masculine support in dealing with these issues. Thanks bros for helping me out!

Posting this here because I already tried some other subs and was mostly met with condescending insults (apparently I should just accept not having money?). Anyway I found this sub and it seems to be positively-focused and doesn't have the problems the rest of Reddit seems to be notorious for nowadays.

I'm a 17 year old highschool student in Ontario, Canada and I've really been struggling to find any job. I've applied to hundreds of places online and heard nothing. Most people I know either have their parents or their parents' friends find them a suitable job and that's not something I think is gonna work for me. My parents have not been very helpful, whenever I ask them for advice on anything they say I'm a lazy piece of shit and that nobody would hire someone like me.

I have some mental issues that I'm in therapy for, but I need money right now and I'm willing to do anything for a part time job. I have experience from one previous retail job but they let me go because they "didn't need me anymore" (they had a job posting up two weeks after I was gone). I am almost certain I was fired because they just didn't like me.

My social skills in general are pretty good but I've noticed a trend over the years where some people begin to dislike me the more they get to know me. Networking also seems to be out of the question. I have friends but they wouldn't want to work with me because of my reputation as the dumb funny guy (I know right - class clown is such a stereotypical mask for mental problems).

I've tried applying to jobs online, companies rarely get back to me, even the employment agency I reached out to ghosted me. I live in an area that has a highly competitive minimum-wage job market because of how many immigrants there are in my city (I swear I have nothing against immigrants themselves, but having more unskilled workers than unskilled jobs in an area, no matter why it is that way, will cause job competition). There's no way I can compete with some of the people who are looking for work, why would anyone hire me when they could hire a 25 year old who can work all of the hours I'm in school and is both stronger and has more experience than me?

My resume isn't the problem, my skills aren't the problem. I have a great resume and my mental issues aren't the kind that keep me from getting stuff done. They just make my personality not really one that other people get along with sometimes.

Thanks everyone!

Hey bros, I'm really trying to do the work and show up for myself but I have moments where I doubt myself in my own journey and feel intense loneliness. In response I tend to pathologically seek validation from dating apps or reconnect with people I should leave alone. Well, not as much.. But I do go through benders of gaming and dating apps.

What I want is to connect with people but I deeply want romance as well. What I need is self love but I feel like I can't commit enough to it. For bros out there who feel loneliness, how do you cope? How do you deal with your own shortcomings?

What’s up guys, so I’m having a bit of a identity crisis with myself. So my whole life I’ve been making car drawings and I’ve done pretty well with it but recently I just haven’t had the motivation or drive to continue. I’ve tried doing different styles of art and overall I just can’t seem to want to do it anymore. I want to create and I love the thought of being able to create stuff and I have ideas to do other things but without a job it’s put a pause on my life. Looking for some advice and ideas to get into something because I want to still be able to create something / or build something but I just don’t know what to do. It’s like I’m trying and forcing myself to draw but I feel I’ve outgrown it and I’ve gotten a following on instagram and I don’t wanna just leave everything. Although the thought of sitting down and making more are just doesn’t appeal to me anymore. I’ve considered doing model cars or getting into some type of other car related hobby but right now I’m just trying to make peace with my identity. If you have any advice on what you guys do to find your purpose and reason to live I would appreciate it. I feel bad everytime I think about art and me not wanting to do it anymore and I just need some guidance as to where to take my life now.

Hey Bros, I'm fascinated by the so called 'manosphere'; the part of the internet where misogyny, toxic masculinity and far right ideology meets. It's such a multidimensional world and I'd like to understand it better. How's Joe Rogan connected to it, what lies behind the intel movement, how do people get trapped in it or build their identity around it? Looking for studies, books, documentaries investigating this phenomena. Personally I see one of my best friends drifting into the manosphere. He doesn't date since years, consumes lots of ufc and joe Rogan content and kinda gave up on sex. We do have conversations around it but I'd like to understand the appeal of this world better

Most probable questions/answers:

Q: How did you get there?

A: I changed from one school to another, and the class I got in was practically all girls for some reason. There were a few guys, but I didn't wan't to approach to them as they were into drugs, gambling, etc., and they didn't practucally assist school anyway. Also I was (and still am) open-minded about friendship between men and women, as they were. Also I didn't wan't to be alone.

Q: Are you gay? (this question annoys me, but I know someone out there will ask)

A: No, I'm bi.

Q: Did you like any of your friends?

A: Yes, I liked one of them. I even told her, she said it was mutual, and we dated twice. But it didn't go anywhere from that. We were friends in a group, so it was akward, and none of us was emotionally mature at all. Never again.

Q: How was it?

A: Well, we had our differences. I didn't share the same interests for conversation as them. I was commonly the quietest of the group. Also, beeing the only straight guy in a group full of women (I came out of the closet to them only a month ago) was really a subject for jokes. But it went kind of well. We had fun and build great memories together. We've been friends for almost three years now.

Q: Did it change your perspective in something?

A: I had already been aware of what women suffer in the world and our society, but talking about all of this constantly and directly is a whole other level. I think I empathize with women more than if I hadn't been in this group. I could've been an idiot with women without knowing it.

Hey bros! It's time for your weekly vibe check. How are you doing? Anything you're struggling with? Do you need advice, or would you like to share an achievement with us?

Hello bros,

First, I want to clarify that I am going to bring this issue up o my therapist in our next session. It is not until a couple of weeks and I need startegies to cope till then.

I panic whenever someone is rude to me. Whether it is shouting at me, judging me, or be condescending to me, my mind inmediately freezes and I start to shiver. I feel like crying. I just freeze and nothing in my brain works.

This especially happens with authority figures, specifically female authority figures. If someone is yelling at me and is an authority figure, I just don't know what to do. Like whenever I watch movies or TV shows that show these "tough" or high-performance bosses, I get very uncomfortable. For example, The Devil Wears Prada, Wolf of Wall Street, Suits, etc.

All my favorite authority figures were extremely friendly people who were patient and chill. My professors throughout university have been very helpful people who just wanted to help and not abuse power.

I am going to start a new job and I need to learn how to ground myself if someone is rude to me. I don't want to freeze and let others walk all over me. I am never afraid when someone is trying to physically hurt me. There were many instances where guys tried to push me or pick a fight but that never scared me. I stood my ground and told them to back off. But if someone is yelling, rude, or condescending, I just freeze.

How can I stop freezing? How can I ground myelf when I have a panic attack? How can I stand my ground when someone is yelling at me? How can I call out someone who is trying to abuse their power?

I want to be successful in my career and I don't want this to limit my potential. I want to be able to learn with different kinds of people. Any books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or anecdotal techniques that work, all are welcome suggestions. Please help me here!

Inspired by an AskWomen thread today by user "thatwallisbrown" --

Mom Lore (Noun): the random/insane/funny/sad stories your mom tells you about life before she had you

Hey bros, we have noticed a lot of relationship related posts. We are not a relationship advice subreddit, but we recognise how that type of advice may be helpful. Please keep relationship posting in this pinned thread.

I've been having a bad few days, payday isn't until Friday. I dropped my daughter off at school and on my way home dug the last of my change out of the car. Stopped at dollartree for a cold soda and the guy in line ahead of me bought my drink and said "have a nice day". I've never had someone do that for me before. Made my day. Thanks MVC Guy, it meant a lot.

This question feels like the answer should be obvious, but I'm still kind of unsure.

I'm amab and relatively masculine looking with beard and all. Now when using the tram or busses I noticed that women tend to more often sit down next to other women and thought it might be about feeling safe. I then started to wonder if I should avoid sitting next to women in order to not make them feel unsafe.

Can yall help me on this?

So I’ve been with my partner coming up on 2 years. A few months into our relationship she was having a tough time so I went to Walmart and put together a little care package. I didn’t really put much thought into it. Just grabbed a little Lego set, some favourite snacks… and a cheap stuffie (for the record I know this all looks juvenile but I solemnly swear we are adults. Just one of those times that I felt she could use a bit of an escape from all the stressful adulting in her life)

Unexpectedly she became VERY attached to the stuffy. When she’s sad or sick or just needs a little pick me up this toy is close by.

So I’m watching her love on this cheep thing and if it keeps getting this much attention it’s going to be worn to rags eventually.

So.

I looked up the upc on the tag and it turns out the same toy is still available on Walmart online. I’m not a fortune teller so I don’t know if this relationship will last forever (I hope it does!) but 10-15 years from now when that toy is a sad stained flattened husk she is going to get the surprise of her life when I whip out a brand spanking new fresh replacement from out of storage. I can’t wait…

Edit: this is my first post ever in this sub and… I am genuinely shocked by the positivity here. I don’t think I’ve ever been anywhere on the internet in my life that didn’t turn into a cesspool when more than 3 men get together. Mods, posters, lurkers, everyone else: hold on to what you’ve got here. Y’all rock.

I recently went to a wedding with my partner and during our idle chat during the reception she asked who my groomsman would be when we get married. I realized I didn't have any friends I could ask to be my groomsman. This wasn't a sudden realization by any means. I knew I didn't have any real friends for some time and I didn't mind it I don't think until now. Just something about realizing I don't have any guy friends (outside my dad) to share a moment like that with just hit different I guess.

Onto the actual question, how do you bros find friends? I have always been pretty introverted and isolated so I never really learned how to 'make' friends. Do i just gotta like..go to bars? I found my partner online, is their an online friendship app? I genuinely have zero idea.

Hey bros. I'm AFAB, non-binary, and increasingly feeling drawn towards masculinity - I'm wrestling a lot with whether I'm comfortable with the 'trans' label, to say nothing of "transman". It's all wrapped up in childhood stuff as well as having all the baggage that comes with having been socialized as female for the first 30 years of my life. It's hard, but I'm working on it with a therapist.

One of the topics that's come up in a lot of conversations is this: I feel like we're all inundated with both fictional and real examples of toxic masculinity. When it comes to what I'll term Good Bros, I can name some fictional examples, but I find it a lot harder to identify real-life examples. My dad's a good enough guy -- but he's a Boomer and a product of his generation and has a lot of hangups about things like expressing his emotions, which drives me crazy. I definitely don't want to be the sort of bro who's afraid to honestly express my feelings!

So I'm curious - who are the real-life men you look up to, and why? Whether it's specific things they do or a general approach to life, I'd love to hear about how they earn your admiration.

(And for what it's worth -- my ultimate fictional role model is Samwise Gamgee from Lord of the Rings. He's a man who has the emotional intelligence to know when to fight and when to hug and when to take ownership of his mistakes, he has the courage to actually do it, and he literally will walk to the end of the world and then some to help the people he loves.)

Edit: To be more specific - and still somewhat broad - I guess I’m talking in terms of life aspirations: getting rejected 1000 times on a stalled career path, trying to decide if you should move on from difficult family/friends or accepting you’re the toxic one, learning a new skill or accepting you’re not good at it, trying to make new connections, etc.

I’ll reply to more of these comments after I get done with a nap and a workout.

Hi Bros! It has been a while. But I'm having the most impactful and empowering feeling ever.

To give some context I was a niceguy (the bad kind). I'm thankful that I never did anything stupid or that caused major harm to anyone, but I tried to be manipulative. It took me a while and a lot of effort, but I was able to fix myself and nowadays I think I'm just a regular guy. I still keep an eye on myself just because I'm still scared of who I was.

During my darkest days, I lost a friendship with a girl due to me being a manipulative POS. It has been 10 years since I last spoke to her, and I thought that I didn't forgive myself. I did apologize to her years later

Guess what? I have a graduation today. And guess who is sitting in the same table as me? I feel a bit awkward, but the hatred is not there... I just feel nothing outside of feeling awkward.

I'm proud of myself bros... I think that I was finally able to forgive myself.

Repost because it didn’t seem to work the first time (thank you Reddit mobile).

I’m having a conversation with a guy in another sub which is just pretty depressing. He genuinely can’t believe that anyone cares about him if/because they’re part of “the left” (I assume for him that would include anyone left of Reagan). He thinks women are just allowed to do whatever they want, and pretty clearly hates them because of it, again because “the left”. He thinks “the left” hates all men and that’s why there’s a male mental health crisis (not there aren’t other mental health crises or one is more important than another, this is just where the conversation was).

He’s clearly had bad shit happen to him, but again he doesn’t seem to think I can possibly care about it. It’s just sad talking to this guy knowing there’s probably hundreds of millions of men, particularly young men, who think the exact same way. How can we, as a society, possibly even begin to combat this shit? It’s just demoralising.

For the past few years, ive become increasingly online. Eventually it led to me becoming involved in stuff about lookism, facial structure and its effects on the outcomes in ones life.

Its caused me to see so many flaws in myself, in every reflection, every photo, even just thinking in my mind the abstract concept of "me" illicits the same feeling of inadequacy.

All the stuff online has good evidence that face structure is incredibly important, and i cant forget about it at any time of the day. Previously my main obsession was with my body but now my face has been added to my insecurities, i just feel like a set of numbers to be optimized. A function to be solved, or something like that.

Im unsure of how to rid myself of this obsession, it takes place in nearly all my thoughts. Whenever bad things happen, my brain somehow relates my disgusting body to it. Whenver something good happens, my thoughts dismiss it with the fact that nothing will ever suffice for how horrible i look.

This text may be a bit incoherent, its partially just writing down my thoughts. But i dont want to live like this anymore, so if anyone else had a mind like this previosly and cured it, what did you do? Thanks in advance.