One was a Vampire and the other a Leech, guess who stuck around? Not the Vampire, cause I had garlic on the breath. The Leech is still with me as I type this bad joke out.

…it said on the car “to protect and to swerve.”

Because he’s from Ingland.

I guess he got cold feet.

but an optimist is only 2 people away from a threesome

And we know that the most common copper ore is chalcopyrite. Then I think we can conclude that the Jingle Bell Rock is most likely chalcopyrite

I said "You just have to beleif!"

Because he was squared of him

He said, “Roll.”

She doesn't even smile in photos

Abalone sandwich.

It worked at first but then it went sideways...

Wooden start

Bob Hop

You get a speeding ticket.

Crosswords 🥁

They only carry the bear necessities

Because it’s not cool.

Dead bull

I said, “K, so?”

It's a really Gru-some way to go.

A cat and a dog are talking to each other, and the cat asks, “What good have you done with your life?”

DOG: “Oh, I make my master happy! I bring him his ball when he throws it; I lick his face to say goodnight; I sit when he tells me to ‘sit!’ What about you, cat?”

CAT: “You’re sitting in my chair.”

Wooden start

It canned.

and was immediately disqualified from the limbo contest.

Because it's Ill-Egal

It’s a trap!

He ran somewhere.

but German kids are Kinder.

Would it be lop-ular?