Still no eye deer

No eye deer

It’s called Receding Airlines.

I have to duet alone.

He missed the boat.

They use them as plants!

Some guy just invented a self- winding seismometer.

It's a long one so sit tight.

So back in the day when Harper was prime minister of Canada he lost to Justin Trudeau. Harper was leaving the prime minister's office when Justin (J,T) ran up to him and said "you left 3 envelopes on your desk" Harper said "they're for you". "What for?" JT replied.

" I numbered each one for you. Each time you reach a crisis you need to open one and follow the advise." Harper said. " Gee thanks" JT said.

JT was new and was confident he could bluff his way through any problem. Sure enough, trouble arose and he opened the first envelope.

It read... Blame the previous prime minister. JT did and blamed Harper. People believed him and soon things were going great again.

Then another scandal arose and everything started to fall to pieces so JT opened the second envelope.

It read... Blame the provinces. And just like his father did, he flipped the bird at all the provinces and blamed them for the countries woes.

Then many more crisis' arouse. His government was failing. His wife left him, and his caucus wanted him gone. It was time to open the last envelope.

It read... " Make three envelopes."

Chips Ahoy!

The act of laying the Reverend to rest after he has crossed to the other side. It's putting the Pastor into the pasture.

But it doesn't ring a bell.

Because the old one couldn’t handle their “arguments” without crashing!

Lois comes into the room and says, "What is it?"

Superman points across the room at their dog, whom he has dressed up with glasses and a tie.

Lois says, "... who the hell is that?"

For the second weekend in a row, Johnny protested against taking his younger sister fishing with him, but his mother was not about to take no for an answer again. “But mom, the last time she came with me I couldn’t catch a single fish,” he moaned.

“Alright,” his mother said, “I will talk to your sister, and I promise she won’t make any noise this time.”

Unhappy with his mother’s solution, Johnny shook his head and replied, “It wasn’t the noise, mom. She ate all my bait.”

Because they both take forever to start, and when they finally do, they just make a lot of noise!

Nothing. It just stairs.

Mark my words!

To get some tenders loving care

They wanted to go to a popular bar, but the Covid test said they wouldn't serve him there.

"Are you sure?" they asked.

"Yes," said the Covid test, "I'm positive."

The priest say, "Can I help you my son?"

The man says, "Father, it's been my life long dream to ring the steeple bell. I was wondering if you would allow me the honor."

The priest says, "Well, I don't mean to be indelicate, but you have no arms. How on God's Earth would you pull the rope?"

"Well I think I have that figured out", the man said, "if you would allow me to demonstrate."

"Very well." The priest said and he lead the man up the staircase to the steeple where the bell is. Without a word the man bends over at the waist and runs face first into the bell. It lurches forward with a loud BONG, but on the way back it hits the man and knocks him off the steeple and he falls all the way to the ground.

The priest in a panic runs down the stairs and out the church doors, where a small crowd was gathered. The priest looked at the man and he was clearly dead,

Just then a fellow from the town looks at the priest and says, "Father, did you know this man?"

The priest says, "I don't but his face rings a bell."

The next day a man walks in the church and says, "Father, it was my brother that fell from your steeple yesterday. All he ever wanted to do was ring that bell. I wonder, would you allow me to ring the bell in his honor?"

The priest notices that this man has both arms, so he agrees and leads him up to the steeple. Once they get up there, without a word, the man bends at the waist as his brother did, and runs face first into the bell. It goes BONG, and on the recoil, it hits the man and knocks him off the steeple to his death.

Once again the priest is mortified and runs down the stairs and out to the street to where the townsfolk are gathering around the body. Once again the same fellow looks at the priest and says, "Now I don't suppose you know who this man is father."

The priest said, "I don't, but he's a dead ringer for his brother."

It had a problem with boos

He wasn’t an observant Jew.

They fall in love.. decide to get married.

Day of the big event, the ceremony was nice, .. but the reception..

The bartender says, "You can stay but don't try to start anything."

An old joke, I know.

He starts swinging his dog around and around his head by the leash. The bartender stares at the blind man for a second before asking, "Sir, what are you doing?"

"Just having a look around."

Marcus Absent

Casualdejekyll

It looks 'round!

Husband: Let me grab my jacket. We're going to the gas station!

Because they'd crack each other up