/r/cleanjokes
For those of you who are either easily offended or just like clean jokes.
also check out /r/cleandadjokes
Try to keep your jokes as clean and non-offensive as possible. Other than that, have fun with it! =D
Your basic "mild" curse words (damn, hell) are fine, provided they are necessary for the joke Please report anything you see that you feel shouldn't be here.
If you think your post was caught by the spam filter, let us know. We usually catch them pretty fast, but we may not.
Related subreddits:
/r/meanjokes (beware, this one and /r/Jokesuncensored are the exact opposite of this community. If you're here because you don't like offensive jokes, these are probably not for you!)
/r/cleanjokes
202,494 Subscribers
A Jewish friend of mine died. It was so cold at the funeral…
…I started to Shiva.
14:23 UTC
Why don't old people like Rice Krispies anymore?
We don't need cereal to snap, crackle or pop.
03:42 UTC
Here’s a little story:
##Once upon a time, ###Some air said this to a cloud:
##The end.
21:08 UTC
A man is rescued from a deserted island...
The rescuers find he has built three huts, and ask what they are for. He says, "The first is my house, and the second is my church." They ask, "What's the third hut for?" "Oh," he says, "that's the church I used to belong to."
19:09 UTC
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole-in-one!
11:47 UTC
It's amazing how music can transport you to somewhere else.
Like this restaurant is playing Justin Bieber so we're going somewhere else.
02:13 UTC
How can you tell if a pepper is nosy?
They’re jalapeño business.
19:03 UTC
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato!
10:07 UTC
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the "P" is silent!
14:00 UTC
When i was sick, my mom took my temperature.
I asked her to give it back
12:42 UTC
What did the triangle say to the circle?
You’re pointless.
12:33 UTC
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims
12:33 UTC
What did the nose say to the finger?
Quit picking on me!
11:21 UTC
The Intellectual Dog
Why did the dog sit in the library? He wanted to become a labradorian!
03:35 UTC
I just got a western termite as a pet. I have named it Clint.
Clint eats wood
22:22 UTC
I don’t trust stairs
They are always up to something
02:02 UTC
What do you call a farm yard fowl that can multiply?
A Mathamachicken
20:45 UTC
NFL Fires Female Referees
The NFL has just fired all of the female referees…
…because they kept throwing flags on penalties that happened three years ago!
00:41 UTC
don’t come crying to me when your sheep can’t reproduce.
that’s a ewe problem.
00:33 UTC
Why did Trump go to jail?
Because this was in a parallel universe in which things make sense!
07:35 UTC
I am AGAINST people “rolling” through Traffic Signs…
…Full Stop.
13:12 UTC
Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed!
11:40 UTC
I want in for some acupuncture today
When I got home, my Voodoo doll was dead.
00:56 UTC
Why don’t clouds ever break up?
Because they’re in a cirrus relationship!
19:20 UTC
A skeleton goes into a bar
Orders a beer and a mop
12:05 UTC
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved!
10:32 UTC
Why did the coffee go to the police?
It got mugged!
14:30 UTC
A good joke for a 4 year old
It’s my nieces 4th birthday soon and I’m hoping for good jokes I can tell her that won’t earn me, THE LOOK, from my sister
12:23 UTC
Apology
A young ventriloquist was touring Sweden and, one night, he was doing a show in a small fishing town.
With his dummy on his knee, he started going through some of his standard dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stood on her chair and started shouting:
"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.
What makes you think you can stereotype Swedish blonde women that way?
What does the colour of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?
It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community,
and from reaching our full potential as people.
It's people like you who make others think that all blondes are dumb!
You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes,
but women in general; pathetically, all in the name of humour!"
The stunned ventriloquist started to apologize, but the blonde interrupted and screamed:
"You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little poo-poo sitting on your lap."
12:17 UTC
My brother died last week when he fell into a vat of scotch whisky
Several of his friends jumped in to try to save him but he fought them off bravely
00:47 UTC