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Title is the main discussion but for some feedback I think my wife and I have been having continuous on and off mishaps and countless times we’ve had the means to separate from each other, we’ve even had the conversation of how we’d do it to keep the peace but I think I push those thoughts and feelings away because of my childhood being so rough and loosing my dad when I was 14, I’d hate to be away from my 2 kids and this is something I don’t want to do but probably should for both myself and my wife, no matter what I’d still care for her and the kids wellbeing

Hey y’all, so my wife and I just got back a positive pregnancy test for our second. Assuming all goes well, we’ll have two under 2 😅 we wanted more kids, at least one more, but this wasn’t planned.

I’m excited.. we got a negative back a few days ago and we both felt surprisingly bummed. Then this morning it was positive, and it is very exciting. But I also feel very surprisingly.. like fearful, which I really didn’t expect. And I don’t know why. I feel bad about it, I’m not sure if it’s just the reality of how hectic everything will be with two kids so young, finances stretching even further, or what.. I don’t know. I am excited, and I expect this feeling will pass, but it feels hard to wrestle with right now. Did any of y’all have this sort of unexpected reaction? Do you have any advice for the lead up to a second child, or for having two under two? It all just feels very overwhelming haha

My tommee tippee perfect prep is significantly under filling my bottles I have it set to 6oz, the initial pour of 1ish oz seems under and when I press the button again to add the rest of the water it only fills the bottle to 2oz? Is the machine done for? Or can I fix this?

Our eight month old baby sleeps with us in our bed. At the moment he sleeps in our lap until we are going to bed and then he is in the end with us.

We’d like to start putting him to bed before us. He’s at the stage where he is crawling and at night he does move around but we are there to watch him.

Does anybody use any rails or have any other advice in making the bed safe to put the baby into on his own? We do have a monitor for watching him but wondering if there are some recommended options.

I’ve been reading a parenting book about how to navigate toddler tantrums with various skills to get them to listen. It works a lot of the time but it’s also very tiring to keep up. But sometimes we’ve exhausted every tool in the box. At that point (if we think its appropriate) we make it clear what’s about to happen and force it to happen. I’m talking things like he won’t get up and keep walking when we’re our, or refuses to go to his room for bed. At this point it always ends in an absolute dumpster fire of screaming and thrashing about.

It feels wrong to use physical force, particularly with what all the popular parenting books would say these days, but surely at some point you have to follow through with what you’ve said right? When I say physical force of course I don’t mean being physically rough with him or anything like that. I just mainly just mean picking him up whilst he thrashes about in our arms etc.

This toddler is killing me man…

Just like the title says.

My daughter is just about 17 months old now and is a fairly good sleeper. She still doesn't fall asleep on her own, but that's it's own can of worms I'm not trying to deal with at the moment.

What I am trying to deal with is about once a week she will wake up. Half the time she puts herself back to sleep, the other half she cries for 15 or so minutes before I go get her. If I get her she is up the rest of the night no matter what I do.

What do you guys recommend I do in this situation? Currently been up with her for 3 hours and it's time for me to get ready for work now so it's an extra coffee kind of day for me!

Hey dads,

It’s almost been 3 weeks starting tomorrow since little guy got welcomed to the world. He seems to be super uncomfortable and I’ve tried everything from tummy rubs, bouncing, bicycle kicks, etc and he still seems to be in discomfort, even though he’s pooping and farting etc as normal. We’ve used Gas drops to try and get him to far more to relieve some of the gas and have been burping him regularly with the feedings etc. wondering if there are anymore tips out there for how to help a newborn with gas discomfort? Everything checks out and there is nothing wrong with him, but still anything and everything I’ve tried does not work or is a temporary solution to his issue. He’s surpassed his birth weight and is gaining a healthy amount of weight as well.. just wondering if there is anything else I could be doing to ensure he doesn’t suffer as much.

Thanks dads.

Hey All,

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I created a discord for us all to hang out and chat in realtime, will be nice for some of us to make new friends as well

https://discord.gg/3thFksM2

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I'm looking for a Christmas present for my husband. Obviously I didn't start now but asked him already in October.

The main problem is that he buys everything he needs or wants immediately. I'm always on the lookout for presents for everyone the whole year and write lists but it's an unrewarding strategy with him because I can cross everything for him from my list almost immediately.

So I came here for inspiration.

He likes whisky and wine - but he buys everything he wants immediately. He's into biking and skiing and has pretty high standards for the gear so it's hard to find anything that he actually wants and didn't buy already. He'd like a all year biking helmet or two (one for hot whether and one for winter (but better all in one) but he himself couldn''t find anything that met all of his criteria. We have a 3 year old kid so maybe something they could do together?

I think I just end up buying some top notch wine but maybe you have an inspiration for something more fun or a little funny addition. He will be happy about the wine - I already have a good idea here.

Hi Daddit Community- I just became a dad 5 days ago- my wife and I had a son. It is the most surreal feeling I’ve ever experienced and we are so beyond happy. Most of the time…

My wife wanted to exclusively breast feed, and I want to support her and our son in every way that I can. I was worried that without supplementation, the fact that each feeding would solely fall on her would become overwhelming. Every night I have made sure to be up with her while she fed our son and I would try to do most of the diaper changes and everything I could to add value and alleviate the burden on her. I’ll add that our son also does not like sleeping in the bassinet at night and usually only sleeps there for 20-30 minutes before crying again. We’ve found that after a feeding, if we let him relax on one of our chests, he will basically sleep until you wake him up. But this makes it harder for us to both sleep at the same time.

Because of this, the past couple nights, I have stayed awake and held him on my chest for a 3 hour stretch to allow my wife to sleep. It’s not the most sustainable as I haven’t been getting a lot of sleep but it’s working so far.

Tonight, my wife told me to go to bed because she knows I haven’t been sleeping much and that she would handle the baby for the first few hours so I could get some sleep. She woke me up after 3 hours and she was crying and the baby was screaming inconsolably and she was so sad and frustrated. She feels overwhelmed that she is the only one that can feed the baby and her breasts/nipples hurt and she feels like a failure etc etc.

It breaks my heart to see her so distraught. We are only 5 days in but it just doesn’t feel like this is sustainable.

**anyone else experience this? If so, did you supplement with a bottle feed? I feel like introducing even just one bottle feed of breast milk or formula will give us a little more flexibility which would be huge to her mental health and physical well being, and as a result, will benefit me as well.

Thank you Dads for your support

Well it feels like some kind of weird cherry to pop…

Our kiddo (2.5 m) fell and split his head open. It was very traumatic - lots of blood running down his face and into his eyes - it seemed horrific.

We cleaned it up and it was actually a very small cut. Took to A&E where the staff were great and checked him out very quickly. Sent us home and he seems fine this morning.

Taking away that:

• Now I know the route and how long it takes to get to the hospital for anything in the future
• I stayed calm under the pressure and did the right thing
• kids are resilient as hell

What was your first A&E trip as a Dad?

That's an actual question so please, no judgement. I have Schizoid Personality Disorder and just can't handle so many social commitments. Our kid is 3 months old and my wife is breastfeeding so she has to take him for social and professional commitments, which means I have to go with her. In the past three months I met so many people sometimes I literally wanna die.

SPD means that I need long periods of isolation, or, at the very least, a long time just with family. I work from home which is perfect for me, and I do all of the fatherly tasks in home with no issue. I simply do not do well around people. So the question is, when will my wife be able to do things alone, and is there anything I can do get to that sooner? I'm okay taking care of my kid when she leaves, I just can't handle the social interaction.

And just to prevent fruitless responses, I have no issue whatsoever with the fact that my wife has a career and a life of her own, the issue is my extreme difficult and anxiety with social interactions, and my extreme psychological need for solitude.

Is this normal? I love my son but he has no sense of urgency for anything, I don’t know if he is doing this on purpose as a stalling mechanism but my wife and I are losing our minds.

• going #1 - if we don’t check on him will take 5 minutes +.

• breakfast - while my 2yo daughter blasts through her meals and is ready to play my son is barely on his third bite.

• shoes on and out the door. - needs frequent reminders that we need to move so he’s not late to school, swimming, etc.

Any input much appreciated!

Had to share this... Have found something that works for my kiddo (F, 2yr 4months) pretty much every time we need to negotiate, or struggle with clothes / activities, or get out the door in a rush... Had to share it here in case it works for your little ones too.

Consistency

• firstly, a note to say that it does take consistency
• if you've done something different with your kid for a while, it may not work straight away

Choose your battles

• if it does work for you, still choose your battles
• if you bring it out for everything, it won't be as effective when you really need it
• when you HAVE chosen your battle... Stick to it... Seeing it through each and every time is part of the winning strategy

Patience

• you need to be Zen calm... If you're going to be late for something, you need to take that pressure away from yourself
• you need to make sure that what you project is calm determination, anything else makes it hard to see this through

THE "NEXT THING" METHOD

So, imagine you're trying to get your toddlers trousers back on in a baby changing room and they refuse... Like trousers are the worst thing that ever happened and you're just an awful person for suggesting they go on (this happened to me only yesterday).

Option one = saying "It's just gonna get done" and wrestling with the toddler for ages, everyone is upset, everyone has a crappy time, it takes ages, people are angry, you feel bad afterwards...

Option two = try this method

1. Hold your little one in a soft cuddle, reassuring but not dominating.

2. Acknowledge they're upset and ensure that's fine - "I know my love, you really don't want to wear your trousers... You want to choose... I totally get it."

3. Reinforceme the next steps - "We have to wear trousers okay... So the next thing we're going to do, is put our trousers on... I'll hold you till you're ready, okay? Are you ready now?"

4. They'll probably be very much against it at this juncture so just restate - "Okay, no worries, I'll hold you till your ready, but the next thing we're going to do is out your trousers on".

5. They'll try and get to something, play with something, ask for someone or something... Basically change the conversation from what your asking them to do to... Well, anything else. Acknowledge it and refocus - "you can wash your hands after... But the next thing we're going to do is change your trousers... Are you ready?"

6. they may or may not... Keep cuddling them, reassuring them, repeating the process and they will, at some point, say that they are ready, and you'll be on board together.

I've timed it... It's been faster than the fight EVERY time since we started doing it regularly.

It works every time we've needed it for about 4 months.

Good luck my friends, hope it helps!

So I’m little boy (20 months) frequently wakes up at 4.30-5am. I pick him up, have a cuddle on the couch, and put some peppa pig on for 30 mins. Is that a normal start to the day? What should I be doing instead?

Cheers

My wife and I recently welcomed our new daughter into the world, and we have been fortunate enough to get considerable help from my Mom. She has come over to help with laundry, dropped off food, and more to support us.

But as I was watching her play with our new baby, I realized she is considerably slower and frailer then she has been just a few years ago. She takes good care of herself, but she isn't going to live forever.

And then I spiraled into a brief bout of anxiety. She is going to need help, probably just a few years from now. And we will still be caring for our kid, maybe more than one at that point. I don't want to dump her on a nursing home, but I also don't know how I can balance these two responsibilities.

Has anyone encountered this in their own lives? How do you make sure you don't abandon any of the people who are counting on you?

For context, I'm 35, my Mom is 71. My daughter is one month old.

I'm a new dad 34yo and our son is just 2months old. Right now I'm unemployed, I don't really have a full-time job since last year and been working as a freelance until the baby was born as my client have to pause his project. ( so right now I'm a full time dad ) I was wondering if can I still work as dev and being a handson dad? how did you guys catch up with technology always changing new frameworks and new APIs are being build + AI? how do you get time still learn and experiment on new frameworks? were you scared on getting back on a full-time work?

Hope to hear from you guys soon!

Okay so first of all, I know I'm not a dad though I am a mother. BUT I wanted to reach out to some men as my brother is really going through some rough times. He has health issues along with mental health such as PTSD from working as an EMT and law enforcement. He had to go to the ER this evening due to breaking out in hives all over his body due to stress, our mother had to go stay with his kiddos since his wife was at work. This was just one more thing to top it all off. He currently had been seen several times and was tested for lupus as well due to other symptoms and he is having pain in one eye and loosing vision in it which they've concluded its due to stress. Background, my brother and his wife were going to divorce about 2 years ago but they decided to work it out I guess do to costs and whatnot. He is completely the default parent and takes care of everything involving the kids and the house. I obviously cannot fix his relationship and don't intend on sticking my nose in their personal business as that's on them but what can I do to maybe lighten his load or provide some relaxation? I know all things women like to do but obviously this is way different. He's not into going out and doing things, he's more of a home body who likes to build things. The only thing I can really think to do is just show up randomly and help with maybe house hold tasks? We're about a 25 minute drive apart so I really would like to make the time count as ill have to manage in-between my preschooler going half days and my 1st grader going all day to school. Sorry this was long and more than likely poorly written but please any advise of what I could personally do or what you as a SAHD wish someone could do for you. Thanks in advance!

Also to add my brother is in his late 40s if that helps with anything.

Before kids I would often close a few dive bars. One I enjoyed going to would play Red Peppers- Closing Song which most of us called, "Get the F--- out here".

Anyway, becoming a parent I don't close down many bars. I also occasionally take my kids to a play gym for them to get out some energy on some weekend days. A bit ago, I noticed the they seemed to play Scandal, Patty Smyth "Goodbye to you" as a last song when they are closing. (They close for a bit to give staff a break and clean before birthday parties)

Today, I realized that my play gym has a closing song.

This made me feel that even though I don't close down bars at least I close down the play gym.

Late 30s. Married for 5 years. 1 boy that just turned 4. I came to Canada when I was very young but always identified as a Chinese Canadian. However during marriage I've realized that I'm not Chinese at all. I just look Chinese and have Chinese relatives. I married a Chinese wife from Mainland on an exchange program.

I realize I have low self esteem and self worth and was really focused on utilitarian of wanting a kid and being a good dad and idea of a husband. No focus on what I wanted in a life partner and what I deserve for a partner. The idea hot/warm water cleans better than using cold water is an example of my day to day source of disagreement. We did not live together before marriage.

Functionally the marriage works. I have the higher income so I pay for most childcare and household expenses and she gets the groceries. She has more patience with our kid and can help accomodate with day to day drop off pick up as I have late nights for work network and climbing corporate ladder functions.

For myself, I feel dead. I love my kid and proof is that I get up and do this everyday. But I dread the weekends as we just have trouble getting along and having similar interests. These days I keep thinking about if I'm working to live or living to work. I dread my weekend more than working. Which in itself I hate because I hate to be living to work. Screw the shareholders!

My parents aren't able to help, and I want to shield my kid from them considering they are the root cause of my self esteem issues. If it wasn't for my kid, I would have likely separated a year or two after marriage. Stuck it out till now

Some days I feel like I don't have a way out. Might as well have a second one. Tough it out and sacrifice more. I have internal guilt of my kid being alone when I'm old. Meanwhile I also feel deeply dissatisfied. Anyone else been through this? Some help is appreciated.

My youngest is now 2 and we are moving out of the diaper bag phase after 8 years or kids/ babies so I got her a new designer purse.

I’m curious what you other Dad’s are buying your wives?

It seems like a baby would do it for you, but it's actually made mine worse. Whenever she and her mother finally fall asleep, I find myself playing as much as I can before they wake up again.

Just threw my 4 year old a trolls themed birthday party. My wife knocked it out of the park. I helped plan and set up obviously, but her attention to even the smallest of details just really helped make the day special. I ended up getting a pretty bad migraine and fell asleep on the sofa for an hour or so and woke up and everything was cleaned up. Goddamn I love this woman. I know this is Daddit, but I’m gonna take a moment to shout out my wife who is the most amazing Mother to our daughter.

Just found out the news and my wife is now 5 weeks pregnant! What are some books and resources for first time dads (non-US specific)? I prefer things on Kindle too!

My 2.5 yo has been in this phase for the last couple months of waking up once randomly in the middle of the night crying (not screaming or anything) but will calm down as soon as we come in his room and lay next to his crib. Some nights are worse then others but I just don’t understand what changed or why he’s been waking up like this. Are these nightmares or terrors?

He was a great sleeper before this. Bed at 7pm. Up at 7 or 8am, no issues.

Would you rather have a Lego set or a random box of DIY building Legos? I think my husband would lose his mind with excitement if I get him legos for Xmas day. But which to get? And how many pieces is enough to keep him occupied?

Or do you have any other ideas for the dad that likes that kind of thing (think Minecraft meets hobby dad)

That is all. Just thought it was funny.