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So my wife and I have a 6 yo daughter together (I have 2 boys from my first marriage as well but they aren’t part of this story). My daughter is in kindergarten and she was struggling with some behavior issues such as tearing up crayons, not listening etc at the beginning of the year. One of the moms on my son’s hockey team is the owner of an OT clinic and we recently had her work with the teacher and do a classroom observation. Both the teacher and the OT agree that our daughter is extremely smart, but the OT thinks that my daughter may be autistic. This has really upset my wife. When she got the call she called me at work and was crying. I am handling it fine but my wife seems to really be having a hard time with it. Part of it is probably that I am very much the “now we know what we have to do so let’s figure out a plan of action” type when it comes to stuff like this. Does anyone have any advice on how I can help her with this?

Hey guys,

Our 2 week old has periods where she is awake for 3-4 hours straight and is pretty fussy without a pacifier in her mouth. We try feeding her but she doesn't seem interested for a lot of it. She gets cranky because she is tired. Any tips on how to get her to get back to sleep before she hits that overly tired and fussy stage?

That's it, I just had to vent. It's so painful, I wish that none of you or your kids have to go through this :(.

If you have any jokes or funny videos to entertain me, I'll gladly take them. Perhaps a suggestion for a comedy movie to pass the time?

Have a good one dads, keep being awesome!

We were not not trying to have a kid. Obviously I’ve been through this twice already, but for those who have three kids, how was it? How were things different? For context, once the 3rd arrives, our others will be 3.5 and almost 6.

Hi to the Parents

I have a question that’s been on my mind for a while, but I feel a bit embarrassed to ask it. I’m 20 years old, male, and studying. There’s one wish I’ve had for a long time, but I’m a little afraid to ask my parents about it because it might sound a bit odd. It’s that I’ve always wanted to be treated like a dog . I think it would bring me a lot of joy, especially now

I’m just not sure how to bring it up with my parents because it might seem a little strange that, as a 20-year-old, I have this wish. What do you think? How would you respond as parents to such a request? And if you said yes, what exactly would you do?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

I have peaked as a dad.

I have been off alchohol for over 8 years but I still like to smoke some weed.

I have two sons and sometimes I sneak out to the shed and take a couple bong hits before I play with them. My wife kind of gives me the side eye in a "when are you gonna grow up" kind of way but she is just happy im off the booze.

What are your thoughts?

Son got a runny nose this last weekend, daycare sends him home at the beginning of the week with a fever. Fever subsides yesterday, send him back to daycare today when now they notice bumps all over him. Pediatrician confirmed HFM, and now our daycare policy is that we need to wait until the bumps “scab over”. Last time that happened it was a solid 5 days.

So at best, I’m looking at over a week off of work, and that’s if my daughter doesn’t also get it, which would turn into a 2 week unplanned “vacation” away from work.

This simply doesn’t feel sustainable, and HFM is probably one of the milder things they could get. What are others experiences? Is this normal or should I find a new daycare?

Worst part is, nobody else at daycare is confirmed to have it. We’re basically hermits and don’t do any events or things with other kids for fear missing too much work.

Hey Dads,

We're coming up on our yearly road trip (almost 1,000km) in a few days and we want to try and do it in one go which would be abput 12hrs, factoring the planned breaks every 3hrs for the kids to stretch out a bit. Previously we've split up to trip 60/40, spending a night in a hotel but this time, we do not have many days off + flights are too expensive + we prefer to have our car on the other end.

I saw this 'travel tray' and wanted to check if any Dads here have used it and what were their thoughts/experiences with them. Anything you can share, positive or negative would be appreciated.

I've tried to upload the image of something similar and hope it comes though; in case it does not load, On Amazon, it shows up if you type "travel tray for kids car seat"

Thank you in advance.

Hello daddit community,

My girlfriend of almost 6 months is pregnant and is keeping the child even though we both agreed at the beginning we didn't want kids. We both live on a spiritual basis to stay sober and she said God told her to keep the child. I want to be there for any and all things for her and the child but there's a few things I'm wondering about how to go about.

She is married but has been separated from her husband for 4 going on 5 years and he has divorce papers which he hasn't signed yet. Not sure if I even want to live with her right now since she is married and he could come in and disrupt the whole entire thing if he really wanted to. He is an unstable drunk from what she has told me, stuck in a house that she is leaving to him in the divorce.

Do we live together and if so, my house is a better choice but she doesn't want to move into my home? My house is new and right next door to my father who is willing to babysit while he is retired. It's 2 miles from the hospital where her home is more despite what she says. My home is in a city but one that gets much less snow than hers (Upstate NY) in a rural area where the power goes out frequently. Less jobs there if or when things get bad. She doesn't want to live in my house because she doesn't like cities even though the one I live in is only 12k population. Also I have a cat that is very territorial and she has 3 cats and a dog. Also some chickens but we have enough space and live on the outskirts of the city and can make a coop. I'm sure my cat would get over it after some time. The commute for her job would be 18 mins longer after it's all ready an hour to get to the job. Her job is good and has great benefits, one of the best in the nation.

Her house is small and needs some work and not sure if it would be the healthiest for our child since it's in the side of a hill with a possibility to have mold problems. The property itself needs a lot of work as well. She is worried that she doesn't have anywhere to walk her dog even though I live near a cemetery and the park in the lake is a short drive. She does have a nice spot to walk her dog but is that so important how nice the spot to walk the dog considering everything else? I understand her worry about having a place to go back to if things between us don't work out but she could rent out her place. Her home has land that can be hunted on and could be a cool shack for someone to stay in. Vice versa, my home would be easier to rent out for all the things that is has but could be more wrecked by renters than hers which is all ready not in the best shape.

I am just wondering how much say do I have in all this. I know she has more rights and privileges than I do in what goes on with this baby but how much say do I get? How do I portray logic behind all this without coming across overly abrasive? I am willing to move in with her but I have been feeling more and more that isn't the best move. My job supports me in my house but it would be very risky to drive from her house to my work due to snow. Her commute from my home to her work would be a bit safer since it won't be all in the snow belt. Longer, yes, safer, yes due to weather.

She is 34 and I am 40 so we are a bit older for typical parents I believe. I'm not sure what other information that is important with these decisions. I do love her and willing to do whatever it takes to make this kid a productive member of society who is loved and tolerant of others.

What do you guys think?

Daughter just turned 2. Yesterday wife was on me for not doing potty training stuff like sitting her down on the potty at a scheduled time.

Anyways, today I said I will. So I sat her down on her toilet and said she can pee or poop, or do nothing. She took a piss, told me she's done and got up. Totally efficient and professional. Just really proud at the moment.

That's it. Thanks for letting me share the joy.

He has been defiant. Not wanting to share and throwing temper tantrums when things do not go his way. Recently he has begun tossing furniture and toys in his tantrums. I have been trying to take a more calm approach, small punishments, offering rewards for good behavior, and trying to calmly explain how to behave correctly at school, but after todays outburst and them calling my wife at work. I’ve had it. Whatever we’re doing isn’t working and I am livid. I feel like my patience has been taken advantage and I’m ready to raise hell. I don’t want to lose my shit on my kid, but I don’t know what else to do.

This is our first. No family close enough to help. Wish us luck.

I stopped drinking last year. My wife still drinks but only occasionally in social settings. I stopped for health reasons (I'd rather waste my empty calories on sugar, don't judge me).

I feel like I had a good relationship with alcohol growing up. Both my parents drank occasionally and so it was never "taboo." I'm worried about striking that balance with the fact that I don't drink but obviously many of our family and friends do.

How do you handle this?

What do I win?!

Infuriating. She's lucky we're tourists on vacation otherwise you can bet we'd leave the store empty-handed.

Edit: to clarify my child is 3.5. Rational arguments don't go too far.

Also, it's not clear but by "anger" I mean I was roiling internally.

Externally I just ignored the tantrum once I realized calm words did to get through.

Want to get a trampoline. Insurance agent says it's fine to have one. Only requirement is that it has to have a net.

I've heard of scenarios where people get sued for people getting hurt even though they're trespassing. So I want to get every possible deterrent.

For those of you dads that have a trampoline, is there any kind of lock or anything that you can add to a trampoline? I tried to look it up online and couldn't find anything.

Edit: I would like responses for locks and/or safety devices that are directly related to the trampoline itself. Thanks all.

Hey Dads

Little background on me:

I didn't meet my dad until I was 14. He had some issues but really worked hard through them. During the time he was in my life, he was a great dad. Unfortunately he passed in 2014. He would say "I'm proud of you son!" And that felt amazing.

Anyways, I was raised by my mom and grandmother.

When I was a young kid, I had no problem verbalizing "I love you" but by the time I turned 10 I just couldn't anymore. I felt and feel it, it just won't come out.

My gram would always say things like "love ya kid" and I would respond with "you too" or "thanks!", but even that "love ya!" Doesn't feel the same.

Whenever I stopped being able to verbalize "I love you" was around the time my mom likely stopped initiating the phrase. She's a great mom, MIL, and grandmother! Provides ton of support, friendship to her adult children, advice, without being overbearing or over-stating her position. She respects my wife and I as "the parents". On my birthday this year she said "love ya" to me and I was able to muster up "love ya too" which was a HUGE STRUGGLE.

Anyways... I really really struggle with saying I love you, even to my wife. With my wife I can respond with "I love you too" which I am thankful for but I just CANNOT initiate. I'd like to get better at that.

However, I cannot and WILL not be the dad who cannot say I love you to his kids. Thinking about that as a possibility just breaks me.

I have practiced saying it in the car by myself and it's still hard. I am able to say initiate "I love you" to my daughter as I am putting her to sleep, but it's a whisper.

I need to get better at this. Is there any books that will force me to say "I love you" that I can read to my daughter?

TIA!"

So I'm at work the other day when the school calls to inform me that my son (15) was caught smoking "herbal cigarettes" in the bathroom. Cue Motley Crue playing nonstop in my head for the next two weeks.

First off, I had no idea what "herbal cigarettes" were. I assumed pot, but after seeing these things and doing some googling I found out that basically it's cigarettes with tea as a filler. Low enough nicotine that it isn't a controlled substance (in Canada anyway). You can buy these things off Amazon FFS. What's dangerous is that they're mostly from factories in China with little to no regulation. The ingredients list just says "tea". Actual tea displays more ingredients than that.

I assumed that he got into these the old fashioned way, from a buddy or group of peers. But after verifying his story it seems he got into it in the most Gen Z neuro-divergent way possible. Apparently he was googling how people deal with stress, because he's been stressed a lot. Google suggested f**king cigarettes and he found them on Amazon. He had been allowed to order stuff online before and had always been honest about what he was getting so he was able to get 5 packs shipped to our door over two months before he was caught.

I told him when I picked him up from school that his mom and me would try to be calm and understanding about this, but that we needed complete honesty from him. He told us everything and surrendered the extra packs he had hidden. We went through his phone and verified everything. We talked about the dangers of smoking and agreed to get him into a counselor to help manage stress. His online buying has been revoked and he can't order anything online without my ok.

Other than that, we're just kinda hoping the lesson sticks. In my day if you got caught smoking your parents made you chain smoke til you puke. Didn't do that, mostly cause it didn't work on most people I know. I'll switch up my commute every now and then to drive by his bus stop, and after a month I'm pretty sure he hasn't tried it again.

Just trying to not fuck this up.

Been wrestling with this more and more and would like to consult the daddit hive mind.

I have a toddler, and more and more she's really feeling like a toddler. I won't list off everything and it's all very stereotypical, but there's a growing list of behaviours that we want to discourage. Some of these things we really want to discourage, like when she occasionally bites or when she plays with the dials on the gas cooker. Other things are more general toddler stuff that doesn't feel as problematic but we'd still like to get across is more "no" than "yes", like bashing toys on a table for the sake of the noise, or throwing her cutlery on the floor while eating.

I guess I'm fundamentally uncomfortable doing nothing, or only trying to divert her. I see that she's capable now of making associations and remembering lots of very specific things. It is believable to me that she can understand some things are naughty. Often when she starts doing a naughty activity like bashing stuff on the table, she's clearly looking at us and exploring our reaction / boundaries. I want to get across to her that some things shouldn't be done because they're bad and I don't think that's an unreasonable goal for her. She feels capable of understanding (though maybe in a bigger sense she still isn't)?

If we tell her "no" or try to adopt a stern voice she either just ignores or laughs at us. The most I've been able to work out something that may act as negative reinforcement is a kind of "time out" where I'll put her in the play pen (without toys) for one or two minutes. This would only follow after lots of verbal warnings to stop doing the bad thing (like biting), slow explanations that time out will follow if it keeps happening, and then very clear explaining during and after the time out why it happened. It feels like the softest way I can get across to her the idea of a bad consequence for doing a bad thing, but I feel very mean doing it and question if it's even worth doing if she's still too young to understand that sort of cause and effect.

There are so many conflicting pieces and approaches online. I'm curious about other people's experience of this in what works and what doesn't, what's fair on them and what isn't. Thanks.

He's 4. It's time.

And yes, I realize I'm not going to like the answer, because the answer is going to be my house.

Three kids later I will still never understand the “one bite of each, but never all of any” methodology of eating and snacking lol.

Hey Dads,

Not a dad, but not exactly not a dad either. I'm a lesbian mom, always the more masculine one, raising a baby boy, in a typically male role -provider, rough-houser, fix the cables on the TV (you get it)- and I joined because the experiences here felt a lot closer to my own than what I read on mom subreddits. And I just wanted to say that I love this place and that it's done a lot to help get me through my son's first year and my wife's postpartum experience. Maybe it's a also a bit of the little girl in me who grew up with an absent dad (that I now have to parent -- but that's another issue), and seeing good guys be good dads and so invested in parenting is honestly healing.

Anyway, to any dads that might read this, happy holidays and while I know I shouldn't be congratulating anyone on doing the bare minimum (parenting the children you bring to this world), I sure feel like I want to because so many out there don't.

What's up fellas?

We bought and put together one of those stairs+slide bunk beds for my kiddo (4). The slide is pretty steep and metal, so he rockets down that thing - looks like a broken ankle or leg waiting to happen. Not very safe IMO.

Outside of putting a pillow down, is there anything I can put on the slide itself to slow it down?

LO is 6+5 weeks. Our night nurse off handed told us last night that we need to start trying to get LO to go to sleep without a pacifier because she won't sleep without one later down the line. She's also reading a book that says to avoid using "props" to get LO to sleep because they will become dependent on them.

Just got home from work and my wife has been having panic attacks all day trying to get LO to nap without a pacifier and failing. I've tried to tell her what is most important is making sure she and we are fed and rested by any means necessary but she is spiraling because of some anecdotal advice.

Any advice or experience or data?

I'm a week in and I've felt nothing this entire time except frustration at a baby crying dor no discernable reason and waking up constantly.

He's hungry but when we put him to breast he won't eat.

Why did I do this ? When is it supposed to start feeling positive?