764 is a cult on the internet ran by gay furries. They find little gay boys on the internet and make them do heinous things. We must end this, this cannot continue

I am 6 months pregnant this Friday and my husband And I have only been married since March of this year as it’s now December. I’ve known him for awhile and dated before but got together fast this time . Tied the knot . Got pregnant right after and I know he’s a narcissist but he’s a covert so I keep staying and falling back into it .

We live on 5 acres with his 3 other brothers in casitas , their wives , they all have 3 kids. The main house houses his mom and dad and the grandma and uncle . It isn’t a happy family . When any issue arises no one handles it and it gets passed along with time.

We have the smallest house which use to be a music room for the boys growing up. My husband grows weed and recently in August got the house raided as he had sheds with his grows. We lost 200k confiscated in cash because he gave his mommy the money to hide and she had zero brain cells to hide it . She enables them all but he’s the only one doing illegal things . We live in Cali so my husband thinks there’s nothing wrong with weed but my thing is when it effects a whole family and you could care less bc you got out of jail in 24 hours on bail with a slap on the wrist … there’s no accountability or remorse . That being said the power being used for the grows were illegally stolen so they shut our power off since august. We have been running off of a generator for the 5 acres . It’s freezing at night ! I legit got the flu already from it pregnant on antibiotics.
Also, the horns build all the brothers are in are illegal so the power won’t be back on until we get with an architect and fix what the code enforcement says which cost money and takes time so no power for who knows how long as I’ll have a newborn here in late March early April…

This being said , I am starting to see it’s hitting him we are having a baby and he’s being more loving and cooking and cleaning and stuff so it makes it hard to want to leave but at the core I know he will always be in a relationship with his mom as he gets up every morning to go potty over there bc he won’t do it here and it’s been over a year since I’ve moved in . I get it’s a small space with only one bathroom but like grow up dude .

His court case is still open as the courts haven’t processed his paperwork yet and keep pushing his dates back but he’s going back to growing illegally which when he free before he’s be gone from 7 am until midnight and because the grow was here I’d see him in and out for lunch or something but now he’s fleeing off the property but again illegally and I’m scared as my due date gets closer I know how one hiccup w growing ruins the plants for good and he blames his short comings on me already from before as I was moving in and he was focused on me so his grows don’t turn out the best blaming me for the lost money and time ….

I currently got a job at target seasonal to make extra cash and I have about 3 grand saved but I spoke with movers and it will cost me about 2k to move my things from Cali to Pennsylvania where I’m from to move in with my father who is also a narcissist but a textbook narcissist not a covert so at least I know what I her with him there’s no sugar coating like my husband who I get confused with his intentions . My dad did tell me I would have to put the bay in daycare once I’m healed and work as he won’t support me but I can live under his roof to get out of this situation .

I have two cats and would basically use my last 1k saved to fly the cats and I to PA as my movers move my things. I’m already past the 20 week marker for most doctors to see you and I wanted a birth facility out here in cali that I’m already set up with and my dula but I’m torn on just running now before the baby is here .

I know my husband will support us financially it might be the bare minimum, but that’s truly all I mean to keep a baby healthy …. As he’s told me I no longer can see his $$ since I lost it for him at the start of our relationship, totally not holding himself accountable for the bad real estate deals as well that he made.. but yep it somehow mt fault .

I am a very holistic person and the thought of daycare to me scares the f out of me also as a survivor of sexual trauma I don’t want to put my daughter in someone else’s hands especially before she can speak to advocate for herself . But staying here is making me mental but I also will have no savings if I do go now.

I’m truly torn on what to do. This man says he will someday move off this hell hole land but everyone says at 36 if he’s not moved off yet he won’t be and it’s bread crumbing me …

Idk if I should stay for my baby’s safety and try to save in any way I can do the next year if I can mentally make it and let him support us and just be a mom (who knows .. maybe I’ll be so preoccupied with being a mom. I’ll forget all of the drama and what not that goes on with his property and his life.)

Or maybe I should go be with my family where it may be hard work and not ideal for how I wish to parent or $$ wise but I’m free of all this . (Although I’d also have to file for divorce and idk anything legally how it works custody wise to be across the country and his rights to his daughter and what not ).

I’m really lost and alone and with all this “family” on this property everyone is fake and dysfunctional (my own sister in law has exposed she has wet dreams over my Husband - her brother in law and she lives 150 feet from me and I tried to talk it out with everyone here since last December and whole year ago and got no where and made me seem crazy for not letting this be between her and the lord ) (they use religion to confirm their biases . It’s twisted here) the mother so my mother in law even told me that I can’t go see a therapist or talk to anybody about how I feel about living here because it would ruin the reputation of the family and that I should go to her, but then when I did go to her about how I was feeling she told my husband, which is her son that I must not like him because I felt like he was a narcissist and is he sure if he wants to be with me and completely use a safe space against me….

Anyways, my mom is willing to fly out and help me when I give birth here . All my registry items are here . I do have 1 sister in law I love and trust who also sees the dysfunction and prayers when my husband sees his daughter, something switches in him…. Who knows . It’s touch bc he kisses me and loves up on me but he will also withhold it and say I had too much of an opinion in a day and turned him off and will go 4 weeks without romance ( we will cuddle but you know what I’m refereeing to ) …. And the cuddles confuse me …

Idk what to do.

Would you stay or go for your child to be able to be there for her 24/7 but be around this and him but keep a savings and have a birth plan or move now … lose it all and go into PA with no care and have to maybe do a hospital birth w no savings and a dad who will force me to get movin and working before I feel ready …

Help.

TW: physical abuse, emotional abuse, mentions of death

The more I think about the school I attended from preschool through eighth grade (2007-2019), the more I realize it was not normal.

Up until 3rd grade we were hit with ruler sticks on the arms for basically anything and everything. When someone would speak out about this they would claim it was a private school and they don’t have to follow state laws (this excuse will come up again and I’m not sure if it’s true). It was a fear mongering tactic and worked really well. I thought all private schools did this because they told us they did! Found out in high school and college that it’s absurd to do that.

Starting in kindergarten we would have our yearly pro-life contest. Yes this sounds crazy now that I’m saying it out loud. We would have to draw art of dead babies with a bible quote of our choosing above. My parents always thought this was crazy but didn’t say anything. We also went to mass services every year around this time that gave us bloody fetus baby dolls.

Another thing was phone checks in seventh and eighth grade. Our teachers would take our phones and force us to give them our passwords or we would face suspension. They would go through students instagram dms, snapchat dms, and text messages. Our principal took photos of our phones and printed out the screenshots to shame us for talking about things that “God wouldn’t approve of”.

Mandatory bible study began in fifth grade. This is the part that really got me thinking. From 2015-2019 I attended bible study four days a week at my schools chapel. If someone missed a meeting their parents would be spammed with calls and emails to get them to come immediately. I missed a meeting one time due to being in urgent care. I was shamed by multiple group leaders the next day back and they told me I was abandoning God and the church. I had to write in my arm with sharpie “Today I disobeyed God. Please forgive me Father.” I was treated differently ever since this day. I constantly felt left out and embarrassed that I had missed a mandatory meeting. Later I was told by a friend they were told to ignore me because I was straying away from God. I hadn’t shunned anyone before this nor had I been encouraged to because my friends and I were very good about being present. This was absolute hell and stressful and made me want to stop going to this school altogether, but I stayed until middle school graduation because of my friends.

Does this sound like a form of a cult or are these things normal catholic school things? Sorry this is so long I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately. I also don’t know much about cults I’m sorry. I just turned 20 and it’s still hard for me to critically think about something so recent.

TW: Self harm, emotional and physical abuse, religious psychosis, murder, relationship abuse, sexual assault and, drugs/alcohol On top of that, I am still recovering from my phycosis, so I might write this a little weird.

I know its agaisnt the rules to say "it wasent a cult" to someone due to the invalidation, but I genuinely dont know if it "counts" or not. Whatever it was, it was horrible, i know that. It was abuse no matter what.

This is the first time i've ever layed out the full story in my life. Sorry if its to vague.

I knew this girl, I wont say her name so I'll just put "xyz" instead of her name. She was a very good friend of mine, and eventually we were dating. It's important to mention that im pagan, specifically in the greek gods-ish area.

Xyz and I were in a physically and mentally abusive relationship. She abused me, and thats really hard for me to really admit to. She used my current religon agaisnt me, she told me she was a "god" and that she could "speak" to the other gods. She would have them possess her and speak to me.

She pushed me to harm myself, luckily none of the ritualistic-symbol stuff left scaring. She told me stuff about how my trauma (SA, rape, and other abuse) didnt matter and it was "meant to happen". She encouraged my addictions.

To me, at some point nothing other than xyz mattered. I worshipped her, and i did anything she asked. A big part of this is that she was terrifying, she would tell me to hurt myself whenever she was mad at me, and i did it. She told me about how she had killed someone before (i wont go into detail about that for my own safety)

I have tried to look at what qualifies as a cult, it fits the definitions, but it wasn't like an organized thing? It was more of just her being crazy and dragging me down with her. I feel like maybe what happened isnt "that bad" yk? There was never anyone else involved, just us. But after we broke up, I was told by a friend of mine she tried to start that up again with another person I knew, that she had plans to "get me back". Trying to do this all again, but with me, my friend and her. After i left, she told everyone I was "crazy".

I dont know if i put enough information into this, but Im open to questions.

edit: I am in therapy btw, i'm doing alright. I have spent years recovering and getting over her, years trying to feel like my religion (paganism) was mine again, in a non delusional way. it still scares me, but I am very much okay, even though theres still a little bit of that belief in me sometimes. Thank you for the support, I honestly felt a little dumb posting this.

Also, i have done even more research and i definitely think that it was very VERY much a cult. Still feels weird to call it that even though its only two people, i'm sure i'll get used to what i went through.

Its crazy to think about what she might do in the future, and I hope she gets the help she needs. Knowing her and her family/community, she most likely wont, but i can still hope.

Cheers to anyone else struggling to fully disconnect after moving out of a cult. I can't even describe what relief this brought me.

I just sent off my last email, finished the standard operating procedures for what I used to do for them (uh, everything... And for free 😬) and LOGGED THE FUCK OUT of all the cult's accounts.

Doing a very normal thing with my gf to celebrate. Something that we used to have to rush because we had barely any free time -- grocery shopping and cooking dinner! 💚

Thanks so much to everyone here for all the support you've given us the last couple months. It's been a big help.

Does this group // practise sound familiar to anyone? I’m trying to piece some puzzles together but can’t find much information. Is it legit, is it culty, any link // information // is helpful!

(*Note, I am going to be vague about details here because I just broke an employment contract with this organization yesterday and I have no idea if there will be legal ramifications. Just trying to be careful, but I want to get my story organized here as a way to cope and to see if other folks have had similar experiences. I am having trouble letting go and I'm still beating myself up for "failing" to comply, so I'm hopeful your feedback may help. thank you.)

Back in 2019, I was invited by a friend to a "camp" at a spiritual center in the mountains for four days of learning with a teacher who teaches at the intersection of a huge social issue and eastern religion. In a very simplified way, it offers meditation for [horrific systemic global oppression]. I was given her book and this experience at no cost. The teacher has multiple marginalized identities and a very no-nonsense way of teaching. She is very charismatic, magnetic, intimidating, well-spoken. The camp itself was playful, intense, emotional, and exhausting. We didn't get much sleep, and we were encouraged to really open up and share trauma around this issue. People became fast friends and we were offered platforms and avenues for staying in touch with each other afterward. Instant community vibes and I left a "believer," sharing her wisdom and book with everyone.

Since then, I have slowly but surely immersed myself in this group. The majority of my friends that I have daily contact with are connected in some way, and I have been participating in a morning meditation group online with followers all over the world for about 2 years. I have attended another camp, a certificate program, and a leadership retreat, all paid for by my job at the time, since the content related to my work. I even hosted a "reunion" for local folks in my home. This organization offers so many different programs that I honestly can't keep track. Reading groups, leadership trainings, learning the pillars of the teachings, half-day sits, etc. all with their own acronyms and jargon. Some of the "technologies" have been trademarked. Participants take some of these programs (at great cost) over and over again with the promise of becoming a "coach" of our leader's teachings. As far as I can tell, no one has actually achieved this status and the leader is still the only "ordained" teacher of her work. (These are all sudden realizations to me, everything has seemed reasonable up until 5 days ago... my stomach is in knots even typing this. Seems so obvious).

A couple of months ago, the friend who invited me to the first camp offered me a part-time contract position for the org (they are high up in the org now), and I jumped on it. I had just left my job, really needed some work, and I get to work more closely with my teacher! Amazing. They even offered me access to one of the programs free of cost so that I could deepen relationships and better understand the message of the org. Cool, why not?? I thought this was a dream come true and the first step in making my dreams of meaningful work a reality. Some of my friends and I would joke now and then that we were in a cult, but I actually took pride in being so committed to something so meaningful and was so happy to have a community who also cared so much.

Well, long story short, my mental health working for this org tanked QUICKLY and I have stepped away after just one month, realizing that the leader has narcissistic traits, unreasonable expectations, and uses shame as a tool of control. She loves to control every little thing, and then gets annoyed when people wait for her approval. She snaps at people and monologues at meetings. She would throw out all our work to do it her way instead, with no remorse. All "employees" are contract workers with no healthcare or job security, while she was traveling from place to place and talking about timeshares during our meetings. My job was to help raise money for her next project ("We're going to heal [global systemic issue] in just 12.5 years! Give early, give generously, give often!") and then I was privately told that the org doesn't really need the money for the next phase of the project. Another new-ish contract worker reached out early on to ask how I was doing... she said she had been crying and [shaking emoji] for four months now and everyone was always really tense. So much chaos and walking on eggshells... and for what?? I realize now that we were enduring this work environment because of our love for our teacher and her wisdom.

And the thing is... our core practices can EASILY be weaponized against us to never bring these things up. If we're having a hard time, it's a personal "edge". Your struggles with something can be (subtly) dismissed with questions about your commitment to practice. So instead of noticing and leaving right away, I beat myself up. I cried. I practiced. I leaned in. I let my boundaries get very blurry very fast. I quit my other part time job to give the org more time (they were paying for 20 hours a week). I waited for the leader to notice and for some of my anxiety to subside. It never did.

My mom called me last Wednesday, around the end of my work day, and she knew that something was wrong. The leader had publicly called me out for something on our shared work thread and I was devastated. Confused. Frustrated. My mom was the first one to say "cult" to me, and since then, I have been trying to be honest with myself. Sort through what's real and what's not. Sort through the realization that something isn't right here, even if my teacher isn't physically beating anyone or causing financial devastation. There is a spectrum, and I think my teacher knows just how much pressure to keep on people to keep them volunteering, giving, serving, overworking, engaging and re-engaging with materials. (she emails EVERY day, goes live in the mornings, there are WhatsApp groups, online networks, and her name is mentioned at every event and program, even if she's not there).

Anyways. The unraveling begins.

When your spiritual community gets tied up with your sense of self-esteem, but also your friend group AND your ability to pay your bills.... there is just so much potential for trouble. I'm sad. I'm going to go cry in the shower again.

Thanks for reading this far.

Throwaway account because the cult survivors know my handle.

How common are therapy cults, where the therapist becomes a guru?

How common is it for cult survivors to end up in another cult or following another sketchy person or organization? Almost everyone I know who left the cult joined another cult or is following someone like they are the new, better healer. It’s really sickening because these people are paying other false healers loads of money (#1 way I know they are false…they are chosen by God yet demand insane amounts of money for their gift). I recently lost another friend because I didn’t want to get involved with their new self-proclaimed New Age healer.

A final question …why do we heal sometimes alone and sometimes with a so-called healer? Is it the belief and confidence they give us to heal? I do not believe others are healers in the magical sense. I do think we can get healing from emotional connection, physical touch, etc, but I do not believe anyone who is truly gifted would bankrupt others.

Does anyone here have any experience with the group “22 Teachings” in Los Angeles? The group describes themselves as:

“22 Teachings School of Hermetic Science and Magical Arts is an academic institution centered in the Western Mystery Tradition, for serious students of occult and spiritual subjects who seek both theory and practice.”

Thanks for your input!

Hello everyone. I came here as a survivor of a high control political organization that I began distancing from in June of 2023 and officially left in March/April this year. I’m wondering if there are any hotlines that provide support for cult survivors, either during business hours or 24/7. I am currently in therapy with a licensed MFT and 12 steps recovery to stop my patterns of self-abuse and increase my self-trust to live a functional life in the aftermath of this experience, but sometimes I have crises of doubt. Thoughts like, what if I am a problem person, and the group was perfectly fine, and I was the issue? That particular thought is a response to the fact that bringing up cults or mind control was an extreme taboo in the group, and my dissent and bringing up that possibility lightly was shut down, used to discredit me, and contributed to the ostracization & abuse that allowed me to see that I had to leave. But I still get these “doubt attacks” that I think it would be very useful to be able to talk to someone during—usually outside of the hours that I’m scheduled for therapy. Sometimes I can have short “emergency” appointments with my therapist but she has very limited ability because she has a full caseload, so I’ve only successfully done that twice. I’m wondering what resources may help in my situation? I’ve used the domestic violence helpline once and it was useful but if there were a cult-specific one I’d prefer that.

TL;DR: what are some resources for crisis intervention and help for high-control-environment survivors?

Perhaps I shouldn’t look them up, but they have been through so much scandal, and somehow they are still open. Nobody in their right mind should send their kids there. In one year alone, two instructors got fired, but not because the organization was trying to do the right thing. It was just because they didn’t want the bad press. One of them assaulted a minor, another apparently slept with many students, including a married student.

There are some students they’ve had who are pretty much psychopaths and the stuff that went down with them was at least three years ago. I saw that only 2 months ago, one of them was back online writing reviews. The same ones she’s been writing, but they’ve been ignored and/or removed. She definitely included stuff about me, but it was stupid petty online gossip shit, most of which were lies. Evidently much worse stuff went down with others. Who knows if she’s lying. As terrible as she is, it’s sad that it’s still tormenting her.

Meantime, I’m wondering if I should never look them up again. Having a mini crisis because of work and seeing this full on brought a PTSD episode so I don’t know how much more my brain can take. I definitely found myself in the hospital because of the toll this organization took on me. When I saw their reaction, I think that’s when I realized finally they weren’t friends.

A guru figure who used to influence my life recently died. Today I saw a follower write in memoriam: "he was always embracing us and pouncing on us at the same time."

It reminded me of how grateful I am for Alexandra's Stein's book "Terror Love and Brainwashing" and a deeper understanding of how this disorganised attachment works. Education and learning about others experiences is so empowering.

https://www.amazon.com/Terror-Love-Brainwashing-Attachment-Totalitarian/dp/1138677973

Don't want to list the name of the cult as they're often online and downvoting these things.

Never was fully initiated, but 100% of my friends were part of a fairly large cult that had ties to our region.

Almost 10 years ago I got a job working with some of the higher ups. Realized that they were just on drugs and had wild sexual relationships / parties. The higher ups started getting in trouble, the cult sort of fell apart but an adjacent cult started with former members promising more unity/equality/equity and they avoided deprogramming/therapy and kept at it.

This has more to do with my own childhood trauma of not having friendships/strong family relationships. But my 10-15 friends that I made during that time were the best I've ever had. The adjacent cult has deemed me as a LC/NC person (not specifically just that I don't meet their standards of a person they should be around anymore because of different values).

I've seen my 3-4 closest friends hit a wall of mental health issues in the last few months (depression, divorce, etc). They've had some LC conversations with me and I guess in my lonliness / inability to make solid friends - I'm hoping that I can become friends with them (as the adjacent cult is likely going to die soon too).

What do I miss?

I feel like all of the friends I try to make now don't want long conversations with me about anything. I live in an area where it's small talk central. I miss talking to people about deeper things. I've tried different groups or meet ups and it's always just sort of bland.

I feel like since getting out, I can't trust myself anymore, on so many levels. I can't trust my judgement on decisions/life changes I make, because I made the decision to join (unknowingly, but it could happen again). I don't trust myself to trust other people, because I trusted the people in the cult, and they didn't deserve my trust. I can't trust myself with money, I feel like I can't even trust my memory because the idea that I was in a CULT of all things seems so far-fetched, despite still being in touch with people I got out with and having pictures. I can't even trust my own mental stability, because I have PTSD now and I'm in and out of treatment and hospitals with mental breakdowns. I wasn't even in the cult that long, and I feel like it's ridiculous that it had this effect on me.

I'm two years out- when does it get better? Is there hope? How do I rebuild trust in my own judgement and abilities?

Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I'm going crazy. You can skip the backstory and shiz if you want.

[BACKSTORY AND SHIZ]

After everything I've gone through it hasn't improved. Even after i tried so hard. I was born into a cult, a 'light' one which was mostly child abuse, severe neglect, some csa, etc. A lot we don't remember.

Then at 13, I desperately wanted to live despite being suicidal. I thought I got out, but it was another cult, a more dangerous one. It was best i can describe focused on demonology, sci fi themes, family, and sexual slavery. I was a goddess told that she had powers that would end the world so I needed to be harmed and kept for the good of humanity.

I was an animal. I was a child. I was so many things. I brought it down singlehandedly. God it feels so high and mighty to say it, but in actually it felt so pointless, so meaningless. I spent 2 years getting evidence both for myself, and in case it was a cult. It was, and I got out and stopped it.

And now? Now I'm back. I'm back with my original abusers with no way out. And God I'm so fucking tired of the constant victim blaming and toxic positivity. Yes, I've been in theraoy since I was 11. Yes, I love my selves as I'm a DID system apparenty, which I only found out last year. It took a lot of work. I've gone to crisis centers. Tried getting aid, all the stuff and resources.

But I'm in the US, in poverty, disabled, can't work, I have POTS, possibly hypermobile EDS. I'm autistic, adhd, have insomnia, arfid, and so much else. I can't afford to eat every day, I'm barely 100 pounds. I used to have body image issues and now I feel ashamed I am that skinny because it feels so unhealthy seeing my own ribs.

I'm conventionally attractive i guess. I get asked if I modeled a lot as a kid, and whenever I go out i get people trying to ask me out. But it's scary. It's so fucking scary. It's scary to have people hold up traffic to ask for your number, or follow you in a dark parking lot and lean inside your car door. And it sucks having people only see me as a piece of meat.

And i hate that i wish I died in that cult. I hate that I miss being raped and tortured and a slave over this slow death. It feel like, would you rather be stabbed to death or starve to death? One is a lot slower and more painful. No one can accept my situation except the crisis people which feel guilty they can't help, which only makes me dissociation and self doubt worse.

[END OF BACKSTORY AND SHIZ]

And I wish I could be hurt again. But for some reason, all the 'low effort' abuse i get dealt feels like an insult now. I guess because it's like, I've been through extreme hell, i was conditioned and programmed. It doesn't feel real enough. It's not bad enough. And I can't find anything about people relating to this feeling.

It makes me dissociate more and more, and when I deal with it, another part of me comes out and experiences it all over again and I have to start over. I'm switching so much lately. And the urge to be hurt again just gets worse. I'm sorry if this is a lot.

So I'm 15 years out of a cult with a malignant narcissist. I get this overwhelming idea to like teach my family a lesson - on their birthdays I get an invitation from them and I don't show up on purpose to cause them distress and also because I get anxious and want to avoid.

My cult leader used to say "but maybe this will be good." I've been very unwisely doing what he told me and now I'm alienated and alone obviously as people can't be friend with someone who is covertly mean to them.

This is all the more distressing since my family are getting old and I've missed quite a few family events which would have been fun to attend.

Needing someone to talk to who gets it!! Also working on finding a therapist but a server would be awesome

hey everyone, im here to spread awaraness about CSAM cults that operate in underground communities on Discord and Telegram, to this day, notably members are lukenkray, sickteer, opsecdaddy, rivenrayne, airssar, reginmyre, ashtray and some other few members are encouraging underage girls to cut their initials into their skin. its sickening, these groomers should face legal consequences for what they have done to the poor kids, please keep in mind that the girls were already troubled, they find these girls in SH/ED (self harm/eating disorder) servers on Disboard.

if anyones interested on helping this further, dm me, ill try my best to respond your dms, im not very active here but ill gladly try my best to help

Hello to all. I have been searching this sub for a time now, but I considered for long whether I should or not post here. I am not certain if my experiences can be said to have been like a cult, though I feel they were. I was raised strongly catholic (now atheist/agnostic), and at some points got into contact with very cult-like groups. I broke free from them and from religion altogether in my early 20s, but at the time I was there, thanks to OCD and an enormous fear of hell, I have done some embarassing things that I regret so much. I was always a very smart person, but indeed I can see how I was also always in a vulnerable situation for this: few to no friends, extreme shyness, very low self-esteem... But I don't want to tell more of my story here. Direct to my question:

Some of you may have had the same experience of leaving and feeling extreme guilt over the things you did while in the cult. I feel it practically everyday, for some years now. I am convinced I was a bad person: how could I have been so dumb to fall for this? A few things I did will always be a source of great embarassment in my life. How do you deal with that? Do you just put blame aside, saying it was the effects of the cult manipulation? Or do you admit to have been a bad person? Do you think you deserve forgiveness? I am doing therapy, if anyone asks, but I don't know how I will be able to live the rest of my life feeling like sh*t.

I am sorry for the rent. I also was not sure which flair to put in this (Vent? Question?), but I think 'support request' may be appropriate.

I'm currently collecting cult propaganda to basically invalidate Maga and blast on the internet.

I need propaganda. Does anyone happen to have any resources they would be willing to share? Either digital resource a photo of old propaganda you have laying around?

Any little but would help, I keep running into dead ends.

I know this is a big ask from all of you, so please only do this if you are comfortable doing so.

Hello everyone,

I'm here to listen and learn about some of the finer points of how things like MLMs work/feel/etc.

As background, because trust me when I say "I get how hard it is to trust or learn to re-trust people... if ever etc.", let me offer this:

I am an academic and, currently independent, researcher trained in interdisciplinary methods in a field/area focused especially on scientific knowledge, tech history, impacts of tech, UX/design, and other things related to digital technology (I am an infrastructure scholar, so I'm a bit more focused on "patterns" and "systems" than on the "content" -- which is only to say that I respect the notion of a "scale-independent" and "value-neutral" approach to complex issues).

More recently I have began writing a few papers about high-control groups, cults, and extreme political ideologies that often pursue the authoritarian tactics (cf. The International Journal of Coercion, Abuse, and Manipulation). There is a huge sea-change happening in terms of social sciences approaches to cultish groups etc. -- it's mainly oriented around that "value-neutral" (my terminology) approach:

--Don't blame victims, and understand that victims may have caused harm.

--Work to identify the perpetrators, some of whom may not actually have a clear idea of what they're doing.

--NEVER assume that anyone, truly, couldn't be drawn into such a thing.

And so forth. That is all to say, please reach out if you're in a place where you feel okay speaking to your experience, and know that this will ONLY ever be confidential according to your preferred level(s). I am here at anytime, and best reached (for confidential reasons regarding my own safety with such litigious groups and their tactics, of course) via messages and dms here on Reddit.

I wish you all well and hope that this group and others like it that have seemed to help pry open this world of exploitation and often very "smart" (not a word I like to use in this context, but people insist on using in this context, as though that isn't itself a tactic -- "you're smart, you get it, etc. etc."). Sorry, I get a bit peeved with judgemental people who think themselves "immune" to suggestion. I just never bought it, and am so glad I held onto that inclination. Take care and be well and THANK YOU for all this amazing information and work, particularly those of you who went through it and have done so much work to get yourselves out and then move to help those still in.

Cheers and all best!

I am not a cult survivor, not in the traditional sense anyway.

I am the obstinate child of a covert narcissist.

I am the one that fought the hardest as a kid only to watch all of the other kids suffer such horrific psychological abuse they either tried to kill them selves, or therapy has become as pivotal for survival, it can be compared to the air they breathe.

Through every micro aggression, every gaslighting session, ever fued she created that pit us against each other so we would be the best in her eyes.

Every threat of her holy catholic manipulation was only there to make us feel worthless without the forgiveness of God, and her, my mother, of course.

Everyone let her infect their very core, but for some reason all I could do was fight and resist. I don't know why, because I was scared every second I did it.

I never wanted to be back here, I never wanted to see good people get hurt.

In fact, when I decided to change careers cult research and education became the most important thing to me. I am even writing a book.

I know that I haven't gone through even a fraction of what you all have faced, but I feel myself falling back into old "survival" habits.

It scares me, I hate how deep this trauma response is even when you think you have healed.

I have to know, are any other Americans feeling this right now?

I'm sorry but I'm not really going to give out much detail here. I tried to post this in the other cult group, but they always keep denying my post for no apparent reason, and I kinda already feel uncomfortable and invalidated with the subject. It's definitely not an easy one to share about. I spent 6 years in a constant brainwashing by a New Age techno"shaman". Yea, because I was stupid AF. And at the same time it turned out that I already had DID/OSDD, so my mind got kinda messed up.

Sorry for a bit triggered post. I'd love to talk with any others who experienced something like this.