I used to wonder if you ever really loved me. For a long time, I thought you didn’t…not in the way I wanted, not in the way I needed. But I don’t blame you for it anymore. I think you were just hurting in a way I didn’t understand back then. Maybe in a way I still don’t.

But there were moments. Moments where I felt it. Moments where I know you let yourself feel it too.

Like that night when you were so sick. You always wanted space from me, and I was always the clingy one, the one who wanted to be closer, to take care of you, to love you in all the ways I knew how. And you let me. You let me in. You trusted me in a way that still makes me pause when I think about it.

You needed medicine, soup, oj, something to help you feel human again. And even though I barely knew how to drive, even though I only had a permit and no real experience, you handed me your keys. You let me take your car and go. You let your girly pop commit minor crimes while you sat in the passenger seat, zombified, half conscious, trusting me to get you what you needed and come back in one piece. Peak iconic behavior. Ride or die in the most literal sense. Bonnie and Clyde, but make it wholesome (and slightly illegal).

That night, you let go. Just a little. You let me love you, and for a moment, I think you loved me too.

Maybe that’s all we were ever meant to be—a collection of almosts, of fleeting glimpses of what love could have been if you weren’t hurting, if I wasn’t always reaching for more than you could give. And that’s okay.

I don’t hold it against you anymore. I hope you don’t hold it against yourself either.

I think about you all the time. I think about you before I go to sleep, I think about you when I’m driving, I think about you when I’m talking to someone else, I think about you at school, I think about you when I’m busy, I think about you when I’m sad, I think about you when I’m happy, I think about you when I feel desperate, I think about you when I wake up at 3 a.m.

Sometimes I forget that we’re no longer us, like when I wake up in the morning and unconsciously check my phone to see if you sent me a good morning text, or when something funny happens and I open our chat to tell you, or when something makes me angry and I open the call app because I want to dial your number and have you listen to me, or when I cry and I want to find you so you can hold me.

I just wanted you to ask me to stay with you. I just wanted you to love me enough for me to stay with you. I don’t care if you weren’t ready to take the next step, I just wanted to feel loved by you. I would have waited as long as you needed to be ready. I just wanted to be with you. I just want to be there with you, sitting on the same couch as you, sitting in the passenger seat, sitting at the kitchen counter, lying on the right side of your bed, standing at your bedroom door watching you get ready, standing in the kitchen cooking for you. I want to be the one sitting on the floor playing Rummy with you, I want to be the one who reaches for you in bed in the middle of the night and leaves a kiss on your back, I want to be the person you laugh at because of the way I sleep, I want to be the one you tell your best days and your worst sadness to.

I miss you with all my love. I miss your scent, I miss seeing you look at me, I miss hearing you laugh, I miss making you laugh, I miss dancing with you, I miss your warm hands on my back, I miss my lips on your face, I miss your essence, I miss seeing your right eyebrow lift when you have a question, I miss us.

I dream that someday you’ll come looking for me, and I’ll run to you.

But I just wanted you to want me to stay, and now we are no longer us, and I don’t know if we ever will be.

I love you, always.

You always tried to push me away in some ways, by saying I was putting you on a pedestal, by going out of your way to do things you thought made me uncomfortable.

Because you were afraid I wouldn’t love you if I got to spend more time with you, you were scared of being vulnerable and truthful to yourself. You thought I was only seeing you through the haze of love, but I never did.

Because we first learned to know each other, we spent time together before getting in a relationship. We both weren’t looking to date someone, but the love that grew between us was pure, was real.

I know you are suppressing your feelings now, focusing 100% on your work, going out, and putting on a facade that everything is going well.

But I know you, because I listened to every word you ever said. I know you don’t feel like you are worthy of being loved, I know you went through hard times and you fear being vulnerable and loved because you don’t want to get hurt eventually.

You let your fear dictate your mind, you let yourself hide your feelings because it was easier that way than admit you were scared.

And for that, I’ll never be mad at you. Because I have, and I always will love you.

There doesn’t pass a day where I don’t think of you. I don’t know how to get back into your life but I trust that we will meet again. I don’t want to stay strangers again, I want to be back in your life, I want you back in my life. I trust that when we meet again we’ll be able to catch up and tell each other everything, but I also wouldn’t mind just chatting about dumb things. You followed me back through your baking page, I hope that’s you showing interest back. Talk to you later J. ❤️

I sit in my car, watching the snow pull the world into silence. Thinking of you, again. Wishing, foolishly, that my phone would light up— your name, your voice, your laughter filling the quiet. The way you always did.

We were so good at keeping each other company. At turning empty spaces into something warm. Why is it so hard to leave you where you left me? Why does my heart still make room for you?

No one ever knew me like you did. Not before. Not since.

Hi - how’ve you been? Have you started any new hobbies? I saw your post with your wreath and all the spinning youve been doing. It was really nice seeing you smile in those photos. I really miss that. I unblocked you instagram and I’m not sure there’s a good reason for it. Part of me was thinking you might reach out of there because I think you deleted my number and the other weed I don’t want to seem bitter.

I was in rough spot earlier this week, I hurt my own feelings again thinking about us, what could have been, the way you left etc all of it and it still hurts. Not as much but it definitely still hurts. I still can’t let go of the hope that you might come back and I think this is where it’s all coming from. I know you have never gone back to an ex before but I felt what we had was the real thing and maybe this time is different?

I am trying to move through this though. I’m making an effort to get out and do things. Even been on a couple of dates. I’m not ready for anything serious but that’s what I want eventually - hopefully - if I can come through the other side. I know you will have been seeing other people and I hope you find someone you can be your wonderful, goofy, sensitive, beautiful self with. I wish it was me.

I don’t know why I’m writing this or even why I’m writing thinking you could read this. I think it’s because I felt like I could tell you anything. Anything about what I think and feel. I don’t really have that now so I’m sort of stuck. I know you don’t feel the same anymore, and that is totally fine, I meant it when I said I want you to get strong and happy again but I’ve just been spiralling recently and you always made me feel happy. I think it’s sort of natural for me to turn back to the last time I was happy when I go through this sort of thing.

Anyway I’ll leave this here instead of trying to talk to you. Still think about you every day, still think i’d found my person. You’re still the most fascinating person I’ve ever met. I love you heather. Never change.

Just because we leave each other doesn't mean it's your loss or my loss either.

Our chapter is over, and I want you to win as badly as I want to win too. I'm not going to try to make you "regret it" or make you "jealous" because there's enough room for all of us to win. I'm not going to find someone better than you, but I'll find someone better for me, just as you have already. We were on the same team then, and we're still on the same team now, just headed in different directions.

We’ll be fine right? I know you don’t care much and it’s just a matter of few days for you and I hope it is for me too but more than anything I just want you to win in life and everywhere else.

Guess this is it.

FUCK.

Life is so damn short..

Too short..

I hate sitting here alone when I could be sitting with you.

Every moment that passes is wasted when not spent loving you.

I don’t want to live the rest of my life without you.

I don’t want to spend the rest of my days wondering where you are, or what you are doing.

I want to know.

I want to know everything.

I want to be completely and utterly consumed.

I want to hold you close and feel our hearts beat together.

I want to paint the stars with our dreams, and scatter the ashes of our past…

To start over again…

To be completely and utterly devoted to you, and you alone…

I’m tired of pretending that there is another you out there in the world…there is not..

Some would see it as a blessing to meet someone like you in the ways that I have… but to me.. It is a curse…

A curse which I whole-heartedly adore…

A curse which reminds me each day,

When I wake up, and when I fall to sleep.

That you are the only one that my heart holds dear…

My dearest love, my heart itself, passion in the flesh…

There are no rivers deep enough, and no mountains tall enough for me to say no…

I love you.

And my curse is that I always will.

And for that, I am sorry…

With love, P

I have so much love to give to you, but you're scared to even want it.

I couldn't have it because it's not mine.

I couldn't throw it all away, because they're pure and real.

I couldn't give it to anyone else, because it's not theirs to keep. It's yours. It's always been yours.

And it's so hard to figure out where to put all this unspent love.

These emotions have nowhere to go. Help me figure it out atleast.

I don’t know when it happened—when the dream became reality, when the words I had written in longing became the life I now wake up to every day. But here we are, and I still find myself in awe of you. Of us.

I remember the first time I saw you, the way the world around me seemed to dim in comparison. It wasn’t just your beauty—though God knows, you are breathtaking—but something deeper. Something in the way you carried yourself, in the way your eyes met mine with a spark of recognition, as if my soul had been waiting for yours all this time.

There was no moment of doubt, no hesitation. From that first conversation, that first laugh, that first time your hand brushed against mine, I knew. I knew that I would spend my life memorising you—every detail, every thought, every curve and angle of your being, inside and out.

And now, after all this time, I still do.

I still wake up in the mornings just to watch you sleep for a few moments before the world pulls us apart for the day. I still find excuses to touch you, to brush a stray hair from your face, to trace slow circles on your back when you lean into me, your body instinctively seeking mine. I still get lost in the sound of your voice, the way you say my name, the way you laugh like the world is made of joy and possibility.

There have been days when life tested us—when words came too sharp, when silence stretched between us longer than it should have, when we had to remind ourselves that love is a choice we make every single day. And we chose each other. Again and again. Because for every challenge, there were a thousand moments of absolute certainty. Of hands finding each other in the dark. Of whispered confessions at 2 AM. Of stolen kisses in quiet corners, of teasing smiles across crowded rooms.

And the passion—God, the passion. It hasn’t faded; if anything, it has only intensified. The way your body molds into mine as if it was made for me. The way I still crave you, still need you, as desperately as I did the first time. The way my hands still tremble when they explore you, the way my lips still hunger for every inch of your skin.

We are not just lovers. We are best friends. Partners. The keepers of each other’s dreams. You have seen every side of me—the strong and the vulnerable, the fearless and the broken—and you have stayed. You have loved me, not just for who I am, but for who I have become because of you.

And I have loved you in return.

With every glance, every touch, every promise whispered against your lips.

With every late-night talk, every quiet morning, every moment where words weren’t needed because the way I held you said everything.

With every I love you that wasn’t just spoken but proven, in the way I show up for you, in the way I protect you, in the way I cherish you—not just in the grand gestures, but in the quiet, everyday things.

And I always will.

Because you are my greatest love story.

And this? This is out forever.

I thought I caught your eye today but couldn't force myself to turn back to be sure. My Autistic brain was in "stranger-mode" so I was looking more at the bridge of your/their nose. And I sat on my glasses a week or so ago, so the ones I had on are not my prescription. But you/they have lips that are/were hard to look away from.

It wouldn't have changed anything if I had been sure. Slow blink, walk away. Cats have always been the masters of consent, distance, and tempered affections.

I definitely saw you a few days prior. Slow blink, walk away.

The only reason I'm thinking about it still has nothing to do with you.

A baby boy said "hi" and I didn't hear it so his mother turned to me and explained. I said hello and waved and fussed over him before telling his mom it made my day. I wasn't lying. I love children. The interaction made my heart swell and kicked at the biological imperative my caveman brain won't let me ignore as a woman in my 30's. Fuckin' baby fever. Damn it. I reassure myself: I'm a logical person having my brain hijacked by hormones. No biggie.

Then I saw you/not-you. And I felt a strange sort of embarrassment at having potentially been seen being so soft and tender. A sort of indignant "you don't deserve to know what a sweet little cinnamon roll I am!"

But it didn't matter. Slow blink, walk away.

¹rise against- audience of one

I’ve been carrying these words for a while, unsure if I should send them or let them stay buried. But I think you deserve to know how much you’ve meant to me, even if it’s from a distance.

We’ve had a strange and beautiful journey, haven’t we? From the moment we met almost five years ago, I felt something I couldn’t quite explain. I remember thinking, “Oh no, please tell me he’s not a coworker,” because even then, I knew you’d be a distraction. But life has a funny way of bringing people together, even when we try to resist it.

Those months working together were some of the most memorable. You left, and I was sadder than I expected to be. I missed your presence, your energy, and the friendship we’d built. When we reconnected a year later, I was hopeful. But things fell apart, and I told myself it was for the best. I moved on, or at least I tried to.

Then July happened. Seeing you again felt like coming home. That first night we spent together, the months that followed—it was everything I didn’t know I needed. You called me your girlfriend, and I let myself believe it could last. I fell for you, harder than I ever expected. But fear got the best of me. I was scared of losing you, scared of being vulnerable, and in my panic, I pushed you away. Ending things the way I did was a mistake, one I regret deeply. It wasn’t what I wanted, but I let my insecurities take over.

I miss you. I miss your eyes, your smile, the way you looked at me like you’d known me forever. I miss the quiet moments, the laughter, the way it felt to be close to you. I’ve been carrying this weight since November, and it’s only gotten heavier. I wish I could take it all back, but I know that’s impossible. All I can do is hope you’re happy, wherever you are.

I don’t expect a for you to read this. I just needed you to know that you mattered to me—more than I ever let on. I hope life is kind to you, and I hope you find everything you’re looking for.

Take care,
K

I can’t ignore my mental health is completely in shambles. This all started when I started talking to who is now my ex gf, she just wanted to know about my life and what built me I was truthful but left out the most recent ex before her because I really wasn’t comfortable talking about it yet. Once she found out I pegged me as a liar and she dumped me. I’ve been in a struggle ever since, we still talked but I was determined to prove myself better but she just kept pulling away. Led me to frustration and saying things I wouldn’t mean to her. Now she’s out of my life wants nothing to do with me and it breaks me. I’m 40 I’m getting older and I thought I finally found the one.

I know I’m sad, I know I regret ever doing anything to lose her and not listening to what she said. She’s blocked me everywhere and I’m getting the cold shoulder I get she assumes I’m bad for her but I swear I’m not. I learned my lessons I’m going to therapy and the only thing that would make me happy is if she would still want me as a friend. I’ve begged I’ve over explain how I’m different but it doesn’t matter she acts as if she doesn’t care about me. I’m in a constant motion of sadness and regret. I feel broken. I know I should cut my losses and improve myself and move on but it just hurts someone I think so highly of now hates me and doesn’t care one bit about me or what happens to me.

I made a lot of mistakes but I don’t feel this should be a life sentence. I take accountability for what I’ve done wrong I’m determined to make changes. Even if she asked me to make the changes and she’d welcome me back would’ve been fine. But my last messages to her were a manic beration of apologies and what I’d do better. I know I’m not dangerous I’m not a violent person, But I do have a temper which led to the fact I was losing/lost her led me to say mean things that I don’t mean, But I did do it intentionally at the end because I know she’s going through a lot and doesn’t need to fear she made the wrong choice. I figured to let her hate me so she wouldn’t have to believe I was actually better than I am. I’m sorry I’m Just a broken man with a big heart, that wants to love and share his life with someone I thought I found the right one and I lost her. I also never knew of boundaries before her no one I ever dated before said they had any.. I don’t feel I’m a narcissist because i know I did some wrong I just feel as hard as I work to be better for me and her this life sentence seems a little unfair. I get that after my latest of intentionally saying those things it’s definitely a life sentence but she treated me as if it was a life sentence before. So that’s why i decided to blow the whole thing up and walk away. She didn’t care about me anyway as it would seem

I hope you know how hard it is to stop myself from messaging you. I’m going mad.

There’s a special kind of confusion that comes from being told you’ve done someone wrong..."on so many levels"...without any clue what you actually did. It’s like walking into a room where everyone’s staring at you, waiting for an apology, but you have no idea what the crime was. No context, no clues, just the heavy weight of accusation hanging in the air.

I’ve been sitting with that feeling. Still am, honestly. At first, it was disbelief. Me? Did someone wrong? I ran through every conversation, every interaction, like flipping through pages of a book I thought I’d written carefully. But nothing stood out. No glaring mistakes, no sharp words I’d tossed carelessly. Just…silence on their end, and confusion on mine.

What do you do with that? When someone holds anger or hurt against you, but keeps the details locked away? How do you make amends...or even just make sense...when you don’t know what went wrong? It’s like trying to solve a puzzle with missing pieces, except the puzzle is your own character.

I don’t have answers. Maybe that’s why I’m writing this. To vent, yes, but also to reach out. Has this happened to you? How do you sit with the weight of an invisible mistake? How do you find closure when the door was never really opened?

I guess I’m still learning.

Our friendship was something special to me, you brought a spark into my life and helped me when you didn't need to. When I confessed to you three times, you shot me down each time, I thought each time you'd leave me but you didn't you never did! I am glad you never did, because the memories we made afterwards are some of the best I have ever made, we became best friends, our friendship even exceeded that I would say!

But it couldn't last forever, despite you never leaving my side, I left yours and I thought you were the one moving away. I resented you "How could you," I said "after all my apologies and after all I did to change?!"

The resentment I had towards you, it was overwhelming and when I made new friends, I told them some stuff about you I shouldn't have. When you got close with one of them, I tried to sabotage you, because I was scared you would tell them every bad thing about me... but you didn't, you didn't tell them anything about me.

What I did not realize, was when I left you, my heart had a tear, that tear kept on growing and became a hole. The hole that was there, was the grief of losing you, it was the grief of losing the one person who cared about me more than she cared about herself. I yearned for that connection, I wanted it back but I knew I couldn't, I still hated you, even resented you!

But that's when I realized, I never hated you and I never apologized to you for my wrongdoings. I apologized to myself for ruining our friendship, I hated myself for my inability to change. Because despite the fact that we became strangers, you were still like my twin sister in my eyes and I saw myself in you.

So as I am writing this, my eyes filled with tears of regret and grief, I will say the one thing you always deserved to hear, but never got to hear it. For the first time, I am apologizing to you, I am sorry, I am sorry for my wrongdoings, I am sorry for mistreating you, I am sorry for manipulating you, I am sorry for all the harm I have caused, I am sorry that I never apologized.

You do not have to accept my apology or forget what happened between us, because I do not deserve forgiveness, not anymore, not ever. But I want you to hear my inner thoughts, one last time. I will change, I think I have changed, our memories which I so desperately tried to suppress because of my resentment, I have embraced them, slowly but I am embracing them.

Wherever you might be at life right now, I wish you the best in your journey and I hope that perhaps one day, we might see each other again.

My heart continues to skip a beat—I can’t fall asleep. I toss and turn and press repeat.

I’m so tired of losing sleep, chasing dreams. Reality is never as real as it seems.

I feel as if I am ready to pop, bursting at the seams.

I devour my cake with sweet cream—it’s an acquired taste, but it tastes sweet to me.

In a song and dance, my demons prance; in circles, I’ll forever race.

I got too close, and the leopards took my whole face. This cage is a one-way mirror that I can’t face.

My hands are stuck—praying, hoping that I can change. I collected pain like it was loose change.

I can’t seem to tame the animals making me insane.

I drink for rest and shower in champagne, yet I can’t seem to rest. Isn’t that a damn shame?

My problems will forever remain— because I like it now, they’ve marked their claim.

Bound by chains, these scars prove I’m still the same.

It’s true, what they say—some things just never change.

You are a player, and so am I, but somewhere along all of these mind games, we fell in love. Though, we would never ever admit it to each other. We keep testing each others boundaries. Testing each others level of commitment. Testing, if the other is worthy enough to be trusted.

We share the same love language that goes beyond words and actions. It is more like telepathy, when we look into each others eyes.

I am not obsessed with you. I’m not limerent. I don’t put you on a pedestral. My feelings are real and not based on wishful fantasies I'd project on you. I know exactly who you are. You know exactly who I am.

One thing, that I never expected, and it still makes me uncomfortable: You have seen me at my lowest, and you still call me princess

I feel like I'm actually getting over you this time. I had a conversation with someone who explained to me that just because we didn't have an official label on us, doesn't mean the things we experienced will hurt any less or be any harder to let go of. Since I had that conversation, I find myself laughing about the pain you caused me like I do every other ex. Understanding that you hurting me, choosing her over me despite the time and love we shared, isn't a reflection of what any other girls will do to me, even though other girls in the past have done what you did and I let go of it quick, I guess it just affected me more coming from you, the girl who promised me no matter what she'd stay right by my side, let me talk about the most grueling parts of my past and explain why I was so clingy towards you. But I feel like it doesn't hurt anymore. After having a vent sesh about what it was doing to me and how confused I was, the dude told me that I was actually handling it better than others, writing little songs about you and throwing myself into schoolwork (now I'm on the road to graduating hs early!) and my chores at home and finding a job instead of just sitting with my own sadness missing you. I've even found myself being able to listen to songs I for the past year have stopped listening to since they reminded me about you. I've found myself being able to listen to love songs and indulge myself in the feeling that I will find love again. I think I'm finally healing. We were meant to be. But only for a few months. You were there to teach me a lesson, a few lessons. And while for a while I've been hurting and trying to bury the hurt, I've finally started facing it, and letting go of you and everything we once had together. Thanks for the good memories, and the bad ones, thanks for the lessons, and I hope you've learned to not treat girls or guys like foundations from diff companies to choose from. If you're talking to two girls, let them both know about each other instead of just claiming she's "a close friend who's jealous" it'll save you a lot of issues in the future.

You're being extremely involed in your brothers life. Acting irrational and abnormal.

I hope that both of you get what you deserve one day. You're both horrifyingly evil.

You want to destroy your brothers happiness. Because of his kind heart and somewhat normal take in life he always got more liked in the world than you. And you're taking that away from him too. Why should he be allowed to be happy when both of you losers can't?

He thinks you're looking out for him. Or he was. He himself is not a saint. Today hes speaking shit to you about me, but yesterday he was speaking shit about you to me. After all the aple doesn't fall far from the tree.

But i know for a fact you bring out the worst in him. This man has the potential to be something great because he understand his flaws, but you are blind to yours. And as long as he's under your influence he won't. He will get to see what it's like to finally be a healthy person and not unhealthily toxic like his siblings.

You're not like me. You don't have patience, accountability and practicality.

Im just gonna sit back and wait and watch. Because you three are bound to clash for the millionth time.

wondering about you for a while. We were friends, then something a little more and then I said something really stupid and never heard from you again. You had similar circumstances like me and I felt that we would bond and understand each other in a lot of ways that you can’t with others who had it easier. I know that back then I was a question mark, it’s hard to even begin to explain to people why I behaved in certain ways and justify it. Everyone’s psychology is different. I could not grow and thrive in the environment that I was in. There is a lot I could tell you about, how I managed to get through my hard times and what kind of changes and healing I went through. I’m honestly not expecting you to reciprocate and respond to me though, if I were in your shoes I’d be hesitant too.

J

You know, sometimes I have these moments of clarity where I say to myself, you know what?

You say you loved me, but you also said and did so many mean things to me that when I broke up with you, I say down with myself and realized, you made me hate myself and I hadn't even known it at the time.

And if you can do that, how can you be okay with pretending it didn't happen? The logical side of me wants to say that it must be a clear reflection of your real feelings. You must not love me, right?

But if that's the case, why say you did? Why propose? Why dream of our future with me?

Why did you do so many things?

Then, I think that if you made me feel like you did as often as you did, then maybe that means that as much as I love you and I'd be absolutely willing to work on us and get better and have a healthy relationship...maybe I shouldn't because you don't similarly seem to think putting in the work is worth the effort.

And I may be many things, but I am absolutely deserving of someone who loves me and thinks I'm worth the effort.

I know that. I always have. I just...the truth is you're the person I want to be with. You're the person I want to be willing to work on ourselves with. I want to spend our lives both striving towards our futures and our goals and our desires. Love. I want us to both want that together.

And maybe you don't which hurts so badly.

I can't imagine someone loving me as much as you said you love me doing all the things you did and not wanting to work on it together. It makes no sense.

So why can't I let this go? Why can't I move on?

You have no idea how much of self-control it takes me not to give in to your invitation. I know we would have so much fun and I would enjoy your company. But I’m with someone else, and I know us two wouldn’t be able to resist the sexual tension if left alone. I wish we could be at least friends, but that’s not possible. I have to stay away from you, I’m in a happy relationship. You have no idea how much I want to give in, but I have to stay focused on my morals and what I’ve already built with someone else. Why do you have to distract me like that?

I’m not really focused on your appearance what I truly care about is getting to know you on a deeper level. I want to understand what brings you joy, what makes you feel sad, and what worries you. I'm genuinely interested in everything that makes you who you are. There's something about you that captivates me, and I can't help but want to explore that connection. I hope it doesn’t come off too strong it's just that I feel things deeply and passionately. You have this unique spark that draws me in, and I find myself wanting to get closer and understand you even more.

Like looking in the tear of my broken reality into another timeline. But it isn't another timeline. It's ours, rather yours and mine separately now. I see you with your new person. It hurts a little. Not out of jealousy or spite but the bittersweet truth that we weren't gonna work out despite how much time we had together and how much we tried. I wish I had known that, but that doesn't mean I regret you. I never could. I want to reach out but that's dumb. We would just repeat the cycle and destroy the progress we've made individually.

But I see you. I miss you. And I'm proud of you.

It's been over a month since you went radio silent. There were texts sent between us with feelings, desires, and then some. We both admitted that it went too far and needed to stop.

But to freeze me out after reiterating multiple times that I had nothing to apologize for, did nothing wrong, shouldn't have acted on those feelings, and insisting that you were the only one to blame? That really hurts. But I'm not angry, and I could never hate you.

Yes, it has been the elephant in the room for years with our friendship, and living so far away doesn't help. I understand if you’re feeling guilt, shame, or regret over what was said and done. Maybe you need to step away for a while, mute me, and process those feelings. My stupid, anxious brain wants me to believe that I did, in fact, screw everything up by letting my walls down, being open, vulnerable, trusting, and now you'll never look at me the same again. That should be considered an intrusive thought, but after all I've been through in the past year...I wouldn't be surprised if this is another thing to add to the growing list.

I miss hearing about your day, the work you do, sharing music/movies/shows, and even just the little, mundane things about our lives. I really don't want our friendship to end over what happened. Contrary to my stupid, anxious brain...my big, loving heart tells me that you don't want it to, either. We're well into adulthood now; older, wiser, with a better understanding of complex emotions.

I can only hope that one day, you will hear me again, and we have can have an honest conversation.

You’re an amazing human, [name redacted]. Losing you forever in any capacity would break me.

For me... looking back... keeping single status on FB was a big one. It still speaks volumes. During a time where we were seeing each other, committed and doing fairly well. We don't love the same. You fucked me up. But in the end I guess I let you. Lessons from pain walking away is a must! Life is change and I shall adjust!

My Love,

How far we’ve come. So open with one another and our reciprocating feelings. There’s truly nothing like it. A true sense of comfort and freedom whilst being protected and guarded by the universe.

You spoke about the moment you „knew.” And, I acted surprised. But, I saw it in your eyes. I know the exact moment you fell upon that realization. I was staring straight at you, caressing your perfect face. It was the first time I’ve ever witnessed it. Observing a revelation in real time. Our feelings completely aligned. A sequence of astonishment and then amazement. You were quietly processing and I was silently observing.

I’m eager to see where our story goes next. How wild will the ride get? I’ve never been on anything like it.

Before I met you, love felt like a distant idea—something I had convinced myself I would never find. But then, you walked into my life, and everything changed. I changed. My world transformed in ways I never thought possible. For the first time, I felt truly seen, as if I belonged—not to society, not to the world, but to you. My doubts and worries faded.

Time moved differently when we were together. I cherished the way you let go, how my touch could quiet your thoughts and bring you peace. No matter what had happened, the weight of the world seemed to melt away. You would drift into sleep within seconds, and in those moments, everything felt right. I remember waking up before dawn on weekends, just so I wouldn't miss a single moment with you. Waking you up early, taking long drives, cooking together, playing Spider-Man—it all felt like a dream. Somewhere deep down, without even realizing it, I knew—my search for a partner had ended. I had found the one. And as the days, weeks, and years passed, that feeling only grew stronger.

Then, after five years, came the day we parted ways. In that moment, I was forced to confront a painful truth—maybe this love, this belonging, had only existed in my heart. Perhaps it was only ever important to me.

Years have passed now, and I sometimes wonder—maybe those were the only years in my life when I truly felt at home. Not before, and not after. Maybe it was all just in my head.

I can't remember where this idea comes from, but I've always believed that cooking is an open door to the chef's soul. Eating someone's dish is like tasting their emotions. I don't know where I got that thought, but one thing's certain: since you left, I hadn't cooked until today. I made one of your recipes — from back when simplicity always had to walk hand in hand with necessity.

When I tasted the first bite, all I could sense was salt. No smell, nothing else. I set down my fork, unsettled. Strangely, I felt nothing—no lingering aftertaste. As if I hadn't eaten at all. Intrigued, I went back to the plate.

The second bite carried only a faint bitterness that faded almost instantly. Fleeting, surreal. It was like biting into emptiness, the void chewing on a wasted existence. And I think that's exactly how I feel. Salty and bitter. But not really. All that's left of me is a hollow, broken shell haunted by faint memories of a barely persistent bitterness, a counterfeit sourness