I made it through my first month of separation from my husband. The kids and I struggle the first couple of weeks, but we are now in the rhythm and we’re taking it one day at a time. It’s extremely hard for me because we are coparenting and because he does not have furniture at his new place, he spends time with the kids at our home. I tried to separate myself from them when he’s around, but then I get angry because this is now my house since he decided to abandon us. If anyone has any advice on how to continue to get through this new normal I welcome it.

About 6 months ago, I found out my husband had a secret phone he had been using throughout our entire relationship (3 years) to virtually cheat with hundreds of women, all stemming from a severe porn addiction. After reading through all of the conversations he was having with these women, it was very clear his behaviors were pathological. It was essentially interactive porn.

After confronting him, I found out he also had an affair with a coworker that ended a few months prior. The affair lasted a little over 2 months and occurred while I was 5-7 months postpartum. I was struggling with severe postpartum depression during this time.

He seemed genuinely remorseful and desperate to do whatever it took to fix our marriage, so I agreed to stay as long as he (a) started going to therapy and (b) he was 100% transparent with me...I'm talking down to every single thought about porn. This was not to hold it against him, but it felt as if this was the only way to gauge whether he was even capable of being honest and bringing difficult things to me. He had already exhibited patterns of pathological lying pretty early on in our relationship, so I knew this was the only way for me to even consider building back the trust he broke.

Well, after starting therapy, he was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, major depression, and generalized anxiety...this was all stemming from his childhood abuse. I knew he had a bad childhood, but I didn't realize how bad it truly was. He experienced every kind of abuse and neglect you can think of. Just to give you an idea of what kind of parents he had: he never received an education (he was "homeschooled", but never actually taught anything) and didn't know how to read until he taught himself at 12 years old; when he was 11 years old, he had shingles for 5 days before anyone realized because he hid it out of fear. I could go on, but that would take an entirely different post. I'm sure you can imagine that lying became a survival tactic, and hiding away to watch porn/masturbate became his only escape. I don't bring any of this up to defend him, but to provide context for my current situation.

Now back to me. The porn addiction and online cheating were easily overshadowed in the beginning by the affair. I obsessed over every detail and had a mental breakdown every other day it seemed like. Im talking screaming and crying for hours as I begged him to just tell me the truth. Unfortunately, it took weeks and months and several different versions of the story before I was finally given a verifiable timeline of events. He lied, withheld information, and gave partial truths because he was scared that every new detail he gave me would be the one that prompted me to leave him. I'm still uncovering lies as of yesterday. He convinced himself that I couldn't handle it all at once, so he tried to feed it to me in bite-sized pieces...little did he know that breadcrumbing the details of his affair was significantly more traumatic than any of his infidelity actually was. I should probably mention here that I was diagnosed with PTSD within a few weeks of finding his secret phone.

I never wanted to leave him and I still don't, but I'm so tired. He seems so genuine in wanting to change and I see the work he's putting in, but he's still holding onto the very deeply-ingrained and distorted beliefs that resulted in him lying, cheating, and just hiding himself behind a mask to begin with.

Self-preservation is the first impulse his brain resorts to when conflict arises, or more specifically, when he feels any sort of shame or guilt, or the slightest perceived attack on his identity/ego. I've given so much of myself to try and understand where all of his maladaptive behaviors, tendencies, and coping mechanisms come from, but I'm exhausted. I don't even feel like I can heal from the trauma he's inflicted because he won't let go of the self-destructive beliefs that no longer serve him.

I know I can't force him to change overnight, and if he showed any unwillingness to change, I would leave in a heartbeat...but how do I cope in the meantime while he is working towards healing his own trauma? How do I heal myself when I'm still being subjected to the same abusive patterns, albeit to a much smaller degree. There has been significant improvement, believe it or not...but even a hint of deception or disregard of my boundaries triggers me. The impact of my PTSD is becoming very evident, and I'm really starting to feel the weight of it all. Even though he's clearly trying, he can't seem to do anything right in my mind.

We're both seeing a clinical psychologist individually and as a couple, and we're both on medication to stabilize our moods, but it's not enough. I'm only just now starting to feel the motivation to seek help from other sources like books, podcasts, etc. Neither of us can afford to separate because I stay at home with our toddler, and even if I did get a job, I wouldn't make enough to support myself and her...also, the thought of being separated from her for 9+ hours a day is gut wrenching, so that's a huge factor that's influenced my conviction to stay and work things out.

I guess I would just like to know if anyone has any advice for how to heal when you're in the midst of trauma....or if it's even possible?

I recently had to file DV charges against my husband and he had to leave the house. During that 2 week period of him not at the house I found out he was talking to 2 women, bringing one to an event with his friends and sleeping with the other. He is outright lying to both of these women, changing his personality and likes to fit each woman, a narcissist, and a piece of shit. One of this women has openly expressed strong feelings for him and he the same. My question is, should I reach out to these women? 1) for my own selfish want of finding out when they actually started talking 2)because I really want to warn them. He’s verbally, emotionally, and occasionally physically abusive. He love bombs and puts on a front of being a stand up guy. But he’s unstable and a liar. I would just really hate for someone else to go through what I’m finally getting out of. Will I just look like the crazy scorned soon to be ex wife by reaching out?

I started dating this guy in Spring 2022, everything seemed to be going well, then about five months into dating while playing music on his laptop, I came across his Facebook inbox…loads of texts to women, all types of women, trying to start conversations with them. Picture a single, desperate man. I felt sick about it and explained that meeting or not meeting them, that crosses a line and to me that is cheating. If you feel the need to be looking outside the relationship and depending on validation from women to feel good, that’s not what I want in my partner. He told me he didn’t do anything physically, that there were ‘issues’ in our connection (so early on?) and that’s why he was chatting to them and he wanted to fix everything with me and start over. I should have just ended it there, but fast forward a year later after some hanging out and taking a trip together, I decided to allow him a ‘second chance’. Very quickly he actually started becoming an unpleasant person, I’d find him swearing at me in public to humiliate me in front of friends or strangers…it triggered me too and I started to also act out at him. I refrained from thinking about infidelity or him doing anything behind my back but about six months into the second chance I started having gut feelings that the same thing was happening again…he also was just generally low-effort with the relationship and seemed to ‘envy me for having an easy life by still living at home with my parents’.

I looked at his phone in September and with a quick glimpse I saw messages to women on TikTok one of which read ‘fun’. They all had London in their bio so I KNOW it was to find local people to (probably) meet. I also saw a WhatsApp text to a woman no profile photo just loads of video calls, and a text asking her ‘when was going to visit’. I felt so sick that I was fooled again and the relationship for good a week ago. Since then, he’s been injured in an accident, sent me loads of sob story messages, I have made sure he is OK but don’t want anything further to do with him. I confronted him and asked me to show me his phone to which he declined four times. Now texting me saying it’s his ‘privacy’ and that outdoors wasn’t the best way to talk….also been messaging me about the wrong i have done in the relationship causing me doubts! I never claimed I was perfect but he definitely broke a boundary I was never going to be happy with. All this time since the second chance began, he’s been begging to marry, meet my family, one minute he says he’s not ready for marriage then next he is….have I made the right choice by never looking back?

Sorry I hope it's ok if a perpetrator participates here, I read the rules and it seems ok so long as I'm respectful and understand what I did was wrong

I was in a very loving relationship with my gf of just one year now, I love her so much shes so funny and kind and sweet and I love her so much and I ruined absolutely everything and I'm not sure what i should do i would really like to not be alive anymore

For context we are both in our mid/early 20s and both bi, and we both originally meant online through video games with friends and stuff, we would flirt alot and we learned we lived in the same state, we met in person after a few months of online dating with me visiting her place for a week or two and it was so special and loving.

She was my first proper relationship I've had, I've had relationships before but they were online only and there were never in person meet ups before we broke up, just talking and photos and video calls, and they weren't very healthy or ok either for other reasons.

Every few months to few weeks (depending on my college and work schedule) I would go and visit her for a week or two and we would spend time together in person and it was really nice. But I really made a terrible fucked up mistake I'm really so sorry.

I like, identify ig as a femboy (I'm sorry if that's cringe) borderline trans and I guess I have a really bad time with self esteem, I constantly ask her for attention and her to affirm to me that im cute and pretty and stuff, which can get pretty annoying to her. While I was over her place, I was messaging her, erotic stuff, like sending images saying "omg can this be me?" And whatever (I'm sorry to be gross here) but she was busy playing with our online friends and stuff, and I know I can get pretty annoying when I get really needy (for context she gives me a lot of attention in that way when I'm over it's absolutely no excuse) so I thought I should just go like, touch myself to get over being needy and annoying. I was just going to browse porn on Reddit after heating up a bit of food, and one thing lead to another, and I mentally justified to myself it would be ok to do, ERP with some anonymous person (I'm sorry I'm so gross), I justified it as being little more than a ERP bot you can find online, but I know and knew it was much worse. And worse still, I so fucking stupidly decided to send photos I had of my thighs and then of a nude to them, I know I shouldn't have done it before I sent them, but I did anyways, I really honestly didn't think at the very moment it would he cheating, even though I know that's no excuse and it was cheating regardless, before dating i was so flimsy with photos like that to others, I just didn't value them I swear to God I didn't but I still knew I shouldn't send them because it was bad and would hurt her

After I sent them I felt sick and deleted them and the account I used about 5mins after, and I went to her room and told her what I did immediately, because I knew it was a really bad thing. She cried when I told her I sent those pictures, really hard, I'm so sorry I really am, I hate myself and should die I'm so sorry.

she spent a bit of time alone and after a few hours she told me I hurt her and broke up heart and we need to break up, I begged and begged her so badly not to and to give me a second chance, that I knew it was bad but please that i would do anything for just a bit of forgiveness, but she couldn't, but that we can still be friends with some boundaries, I left her house the next day and am now home.

I know it's her right to break up with me and it's all my fault, but I can't I can't coop with it I love her so much i would do anything for her to forgive me I would honestly if she wanted to delete all my social medias i would if she wanted me to delete every photo I have of myself like that i would if she wanted to cheat on me back i would accept it if she wanted me to hurt myself for her i would honestly I would but she doesn't want any of that.

I'm really sorry I am I really love her so much I do I'm so gross and disgusting and an attention seeker and I really need to not live anymore please if there is anything I can do to make it just a little better for just the slightest bit of forgiveness and for her to just begin to have me back with as many boundaries and space as she needs please please please tell me

I am not sure if it is alright I post about this topic here, if it isn't take my apologies.

I have seen that onlyfans model is following my boyfriend on Instragam, and she isn't a bot, but a real girl.

So I am curious does that probably mean that he at some point subscribed to her OF account?

Thing that makes me wonder that is that normally there is alot of bots following others, even girls, but this is not one of bots.

My bf ain't really active on insta and have only few followers.

If it means anything, this girl is following around 1,500 people and being followed by 700.

I prefer asking first here to see if someone have similair experience and maybe make it more clear for me, as I don't know any person that have OF or how does it all really works.

It’s been almost 2 years since I found out my wonderful disgusting partner was cheating on me for a year. I questioned him and each time he told me I was nuts. Took close to 12 months before I decided to go through his phone one day before he left for work. And god it felt like a punch in the gut. Still does when I think about it too much. I’m still with him. We have 2 kids now. And I still hate him for what he did. He REFUSES to do any work to heal us. He insists I need to be the one to change. Like I haven’t been a shell of myself for the last two years.

The woman I see in the mirror is hideous now. I try to tell myself in the mirror that he won’t change. I sometimes feel like I’m two different people. One strong, independent woman who knows her worth. And one weak one who won’t let go of hope. And the strong one keeps telling the weak one to leave.

I’m always in a bad mood. Always. And he gets mad. Like I should have gotten over what he did. Like it didn’t kill me. And he says he knows. Cause god I never stop trying to guilt trip him. What? No I don’t guilt trip. I bring up the fact that I can’t heal because he won’t help me. I can’t heal our relationship if he refuses to see me as the one he damaged.

I’m so messed up from this still. And I’ve been listening to audio books, podcasts, YouTube videos. Everything. Trying to understand what I did to deserve that kind of betrayal. I have a bunch of triggers now that spark some serious betrayal trauma ptsd.

I’m just desperate to not feel this way. So desperate that sometimes I hope I don’t wake up when I go to sleep at night. Just so I don’t have to live with that god awful heartache.

I don’t know what to do. He acts like all I want is to hurt him when I’m angry like this. I just want him to show actual remorse. God what’s wrong with me!? Why can’t I just leave?? I wish so badly someone would kidnap me. Cause I can’t do it.

So... my wife cheated on me

I'm married 13 years, together 12 years. I'm Romanian born, moved to Czech Republic for work in IT in 2007, I met my future wife in 2010 and we got married in 2011.

Our life was great together, we got our first boy in 2012 and second in 2015.

By 2017 our couple life started to get a hit, she was focused so much on kids that she wasn't available for me anymore, she was always saying to me that kids matter the most and I'm not on her priorities list. It was very hard to motivate her to get out on a date, spend some nights alone without the kids, I involved her closest friends also. I started to feel alone, she started to complain about me more and more, that I don't help etc., she was complaining about me to other people. That was completely untrue, I was playing with my boys, take them outside, park, swimming pool, bike rides etc, giving her time alone, but it was never enough. I started hobbies, she didn't liked it, man what the hell is going on. One issue I had is that I couldn't talk to her about my feelings, that I feel alone, and this situation trigged a childhood trauma responses; I have been abused verbally and physically (beatings) by my father - i will not discuss about this here. I started to leave in my head, I was present physically but my mind was wandering all the time, I become jealous on kids and starting to behave bad with them, especially the older one, always yelling, always unhappy. Our marriage started to break apart, I suggested couples therapy, she refused several time....

Finally, a person closed to me made me realised that i have a trauma related to my childhood and started therapy, it took a long time to figure out what is going on. The first psychologist mad slow progress with me, I started to open to my wife about my past, stopped my behaviours with kids... my marriage didn't improved, no progress form my wife.

She wanted to buy a property, I didn't wanted to, it was risky, we needed stability, she pushed it and bought a house with her sister (later on i found that her plan is to move there only with her sister - sister who had also the intention to leave her husband) - it didn't worked out for them, we sold the house, we made some profit, at least something. But our mariage it didn't improved, I started to feel more alone starting to loose confidence in me, my trauma didn't' helped too much.

The real hell started last year, when she wanted again to buy a house, but this time she was vey pushy, accusing me of all wring doing in the marriage, etc.

- She started to go out alone, she was leaving me and my boys alone 3-4 evenings per week, sometime all evenings in a week, coming home after 10-11, no cooking not taking care of the kids. My boys alway asking where is mom. She started to manipulate me that if I'm giving her space she will come back, conditions to have sex, that never arrived - we went in vacation to Egypt and she told me that If i will treat her like a queen it will positively impact our couple life, of course nothing happened when back home - I was full steam ahead to do what she wanted.

- I'm paying all bills in the house, I dont' drink, don't go out or if a go i'm transparent of i'm doing and always coming back on agreed time. I clean in the house, she is not very good at it, I eventually stoped because she was taking for granted. I like cooking so doing it wasn't a very big deal for me, obviously i have done it all the time when she was out.

I started a new therapy (CBT) to finish with my childhood trauma, the best choice ever.... it's funny because I was searching for a lawyer on expats program and found a Romanian speaking specialist and we started to challenge my childhood trauma problems, I made huge improvements.

My nightmare was ready to start, I lost my mom in June.

Later I found my wife is cheating with a work colleague (classic), I confronted her, as now I was able to speak out, no shell, no more fear. I was really furious, very furious, shouting, all my emotions going out - later she admitted that she deserved it.

One day before confronting her about the infidelity she was still insisting on buying a house with her because it's important etc., I was terrified inside me. I confronted her with this and she told me that she wanted to start fresh while in the new home .... OMG.

Of course i gave her a chance, we started to behave gently to each other.... fast forward the last week she started to behave again like in the past, avoiding me, don't touch me, give me space (after we had a talk about sex - we didn't done it one year) , I started to fee the same vibes as in the past, I started to stress.

A friend of her left for vacation and asked her to feed her animals... she was there a bit longer than normal .. I started to worry and the only way was to found out if something is going on, if something is really going on or if it's in my head.

So one morning i left to the gym, we had family sharing on iphone so we can see each other location, she went for walk and stopped to her friend flat, after 50 min I sad to my self that if she doesn't move after one hour I'm going there. So obviously I went there, send a message that I coming home... my heart stopped again when I saw her with the guy coming out from the building, I confronted her, I was mad, yelling, what are you ding with him.... well it's just only a coffee we have done nothing, i was furious.

Now she blames me that I shouldn't track her, that she hided from me not to hurt me... that she met the guy to maintain friendship because he ment something for her that i shouldn't embarrass her ... really I gave you a chance and you are meeting the guy on private and you hid it from me.. how do you think I feel. She accuse me that I hate her now, well of course wtf is she doing.

This is so terrible, it breaks my appart. There is no white or black, I have my doing in the past but I blame her entirely for what she have done to me and the kids.

Now i have to calm down, stop stressing, come to peace, accept what she has done to me, not blaming myself anymore, it sucks especially now with holidays approaching, I need to be near my kids, I need to feel loved.

I asked her, why do you like to hurt me so much? Well that's why i hide from you that I was going to meet the guy... really, I cannot reason with her on this level.

I'm so scared about the future.

Thanks for reading

Teo

Sorry if this is an incoherent mess - I’m dyslexic and crying lol. Me - 30F partner 31 M So I have been with my partner for 8 years and we have one 3 year old child. I’m a SAHM and have been since our child was born.

Yesterday I asked to use his phone as I had send out a stupid Christmas list to his mum for our baby and I thought I did it wrong by sending my editing profile and not the tick list. He has an android so I have literally no idea how to use it - I got the open apps up to switch between open web pages and saw he had some girls chat profile up on facebook.

I did not look at the chat but was like wtf - you are so dodgie and went out to vape. After talking to him for a bit I found out that it was his friend’s sister he met at a friend event I sent him too alone so he could have fun while I looked after our child. He said he was just helping her through stuff so I asked to see the chat but he deleted it.

3 hours later and me trying to get his deleted facebook chat up with her and me messaging her he informed me (drips of truth ) that they were sexting/ sending pictures ever since the friend event.

I am devastated and have no idea what to do. He said it’s the first time but I never check his phone, I didn’t think I had to. How likely is it that I caught it first time? He was doing this in the bathroom while I was downstairs looking after his child.

He said nothing physical happened and he wouldn’t want that but he’s a liar. I loved him so much. I don’t know what to do or how to move on or if I should kick him out? How do I know he will never do it again? How does anyone get over this? He keeps saying it could be worse he could have slept with her but he didn’t but I don’t think I can feel worse than this.

I found out about a month ago that my husband was sleeping with prostitutes during the last five years of our ten year marriage. I found out when we went into escrow they ran our credit I found out that he had over $11,000 in credit card debt. When I questioned him he didn’t come clean so I looked through his text messages to find explicit texts like “I would like to have a baby with you” with several prostitutes. I am divorcing him.

I loved this man and gave him 10 years. I built him up - he became a US resident. He got his GED with me. I encouraged him to go to school. I opened opportunities that he wouldn’t have in Mexico.

I hate when I tell people their first response is “And you didn’t notice?” or “So, are you going to stay?”

Like WTF? We are women so we are supposed to say or supposed to notice even if we are trust our husbands. I blindly trusted him because he was my husband but why should I be questioned about that.

I’m 8 weeks pregnant with my husbands child. We had been separated for 9 months due to his infidelity. We had sex for the first time in 9 months last month and I got pregnant. I seriously contemplated abortion.. made the appointment and when I got there I just couldn’t do it. My life is a mess

I (26M) got cheated on by my ex(25F) a week before our breakup. She told me this, after the breakup talk. It was a 4 year relationship. She said she made up her mind about the breakup beforehand. She didn't say anything to defend herself and said she was sorry the whole time and that I didn't deserve this.

I honestly do not know what to think because even if I was her friend I wouldn't still think that she would do something like this. I heard some people say that this is normal, since she made up her mind anyway about the breakup but we were talking kinda normal, if not a a bit distant.

What do you guys think of this? Do you consider this a true case of cheating? I say this since I am still in shock and may be trying to justify her actions idk.

I realized after my divorce and discovery of all the lies, the gaslighting, cheating and walking On egg shells trying to please the ex. I was never going to please her.

When she finished eating. She started crying again saying she was sorry. That all this happened.

I asked how many different people did you cheat on me with? A lot. She said when we meaning BFF and ex would gift tickets to some event. BFF hubby and I would go. BFF and her would have bulls lined up or have a good time ready.

She said bad boys turned both of them on. They planned shopping trips and pick up guys.

She said AP she didn't plan on that turning into a relationship. She said he was on the fast track to making it big time. I said yes living in his mom's basement rent free yep living the dream.

She said AP cheated on her and he out of the picture.

Please let me come back. I'll be the good wife blab, blab .....

I said you had your chance. You can leave now. Please don't come back. She left. I guess that was closure for me.

So over the last year I've been suspicious my wife is cheating on me or at the very least lying to me about something. Without revealing too many details, I had caught on that something might possibly be happening with one of her friends and even though she denies it, I've just been paranoid about it since.

Anyways, recently she's gotten back from a trip with her family and I might have been snooping found a small package of shot glasses tucked into her bag. I didn't want to bring it up but wanted to give her the opportunity to tell me. Well she never told me and went to go hang out with some friends yesterday.

I noticed today that they're no longer in her bag and she didn't say anything about it. I get that I might be too paranoid to be reasonable about something small like this but it also just triggers me that I know she's not telling me something.

Not sure what my next steps should be. Any advice would be welcome. Even if to tell me I'm the asshole and shouldn't be snooping.

He's in IT. Good at covering his tracks. But I'm good at IT too. Not born yesterday. Spidey senses for a while now. He knows I am watching his every move so he is upping his game. But now I just don't give a f* anymore. Not really digging anymore. Hell probably fuck up now and leave something juicy for me to find.

About to retain an attorney. Like my lifestyle and house. But value my pride more. Realized I love and hate at same time. Tired of being lied to. Tired of cameras accidently being disconnected or broken. He hates that the new car has GPS. lol all of them do. He wanted to buy an old beater to drive. Wonder why? 😆🤭🙄

I didn't take her back. Her confession was at best a shockwave to me. I guess her bbf husband and I was considered doormats.

If you want to hear about the rest of it let me know.

***** update****** I have never posted anything on Reddit in my life, and I find it almost karma from the universe as I received multiple calls from a number that I didn’t recognize and then I figured it out this afternoon that my husband was accidentally calling me from a Google voice number that he is clearly using to talk to other women- he must have forgotten to change it back to his number- unbelievable he tried to say his Google voice number from like 10 years ago. Must’ve accidentally gotten activated when he was sending me pictures through Google photo he must think I am an idiot! Thank you for all the advice- I’m devastated but know based on the advice I received here and my Gut and that Google voice number - we are done.

Original post:

I’m 45 F married to 46M, I have two children from a previous marriage and my husband and I have a 5 year old with autism. We have been married for six years. My D-Day was in July when I found out I had an STD that was thankfully curable. His phone was lock down, but while he was asleep, I put his thumb on it to unlock it and discovered he was cheating on me with three women. I later found out one of these women is pregnant with his child and the baby is due this month. I moved out in July with my three children and also got a new job because we owned a business together and while I make enough to cover our expenses, I am not able to save any money and I’m so depressed and cry myself to sleep because all I do is work and take care of the kids. He wants me back promising change and wants nothing to do with his baby on the way. I feel sorry for this child. I just don’t know what to do anymore because I feel like I’ll never be OK. I’m miserable with him and I’m miserable without him. I just don’t know what to do.

I am looking for opinions on what to do, I am seeing a woman who I been with for a few months(I know it's short but I'm still gonna ask) and I been having this back tingling sense that I feel like she's talking with other guys but I am not too sure. I have a lot of trust issues due to my past relationships that ended up in my partners cheating on me, and I don't want this relationship to end in that way again what can I do?

Yeah I know “girl leave him” I just need to tell the story first, I don’t know where else to go.

My(28F) fiance(35M) and partner of 7 years has cheated on my for a 3rd time. I actually found out about the 2nd and 3rd one all on the same night.

The story starts a year in, I had gotten my wisdom teeth out and he was taking care of me, making a smoothie while o found a movie to watch. I had no reason to be suspicious at all, but I just looked at his phone knowing I’d find nothing. I was wrong. Under a male cowrokers name I saw some kind of weird texts and opened the thread - flirty messages about coming over to her house, selfies (fully clothed), texting her “happy new year wish you were here” at 12:01am when he was kissing me at 12am. It was a coworker, but obviously a female one. I asked, phone in hand who the name in his phone was and he said it was his guy friend who sent him a picture of his girlfriend. Absolute bold faced lie. It was a big blow out fight. I can definitely hold a grudge and I never forgot about this, it changed me and our relationship but we worked past it.

Fast forward 6 years, we’re happily engaged planning our wedding in 11 months. He proposed in June 2024, supposed to get married Oct 2025. A few months back he started acting very odd, he has basically a mental break down about the people at his work watching him, the fbi out to get him, a very intense manic episode he’s never shown signs of having once in 7 years.

A few months go by of my scheduling therapy, psychiatry, Drs etc to get him help and in some kind of treatment or medication. He is different the entire time. Paranoid, very clingy then very distant, annoyed with me, needy, it’s a lot but I truly believed and still partly do that this is a mental health crisis.

Flash forward to this morning at 530am he wakes me up, tears in his eyes. He’s “not the person he says he is” he’s “done bad things” and most of it comes out like word vomit. He cheated on me 4 years ago when I was going through a very tough time medically and emotionally, he slept with a different coworker twice. Took my car to work and invited her in it to make out and suck his dick. Happens twice and he can’t get it up. Boohoo. Then, during the planning of the proposal, he meets a different (3rd) girl at a night out on his bday (in early June 2024) another coworker!! I could r go to the bars with him because I had work very early. He was out til at least 3am and I’m obviously paranoid when he gets home. He gaslights me about how I never trust him and he can’t even go out with his friends and he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. Well of course, that night He starts getting flirty with girl 3 and he says they texted for 2 months, nothing else, and he cut it off.

Throughout the day the story changes several times. Now he was in the car once with the girl he slept with (girl 2) and the second time he went to her house and now adds in that he also went down on her.

The 3rd girl before the proposal goes from “we were texting 2 months” to 1 month, to a couple weeks. He cannot keep the lies straight and they just keep changing.

I almost forgot the best part - when he told me about the 2nd and 3rd girl this morning, he said that his work knows and is out to get him and they have my family and friends in on it and they signed an NDA and know he cheated but haven’t told me.Obviously NOT TRUE and full delusion. It’s a fucking grocery store, you could fuck a fish they wouldn’t care.

I’m leaving out so much because it is honestly a lot to keep up with. Before this, he was my best friend. Never said a bad thing about me or to me, always catering to me, kind and loving to my family and friends, truly a dream come true. I have a lot of dreams about him cheating on me and every time he’d look me in the eye and say there’s no one else, he loves me, he’s not speaking to other girls, blah blah blah.

I’m in the hole almost 10K on this wedding and there’s no way we can stand in front of our friends and family and promise to care for each other when this is our history. I don’t know who to be without him. I was with him from 20-27. He’s intertwined into every facet of my life. I want to disappear right now.

Tldr; he’s a compulsive liar and the lies caught up with him, 3 seperate girls, multiple occasions, all from work.

Sorry for typos I have zero coherent thoughts rn.

When I had my suspicions, I kept saying to myself that I just want to find out . I imagined if I did indeed find proof , it would be almost a relief because any good memories or love or caring would instantly be shut off and I'd just be done with her and that would be that . She'd be dead to me .

But that's not how it's been at all. I ended it within the hour of discovery . It's dragged on a bit due to her stuff being at my place and her looking for somewhere to move while things have been shut down for American Thanksgiving while I stayed elsewhere so I wouldn't have to see her as she packed up .

But I don't feel okay . Not at all.

It's not just the mind boggling nature of it all, how she lived a double life for most or all of the relationship.

I know it was all a con job , and any seemingly happy memory was just a farce as she texted him before during and after .

I know she lied about everything and it was all a sham .

So I should be fine now . I should feel relieved . I should feel like someone who's felt ill and finally vomited and it was unpleasant but now it's all out .

But I don't feel like that at all.

And I don't see how I'd ever trust someone again .

I really wasn’t expecting for there to be any further updates on this, but I received a call from my ex’s mom yesterday. In short, she started off with apologising for her daughter’s behaviour, and said that she was completely against her being with AP. However, she also asked if I could send an email to her company’s HR retracting my previous statements. She thinks that her whatever her daughter did, she has received enough punishment, and that she has been going through hell over the past few months e.g. not eating well, constantly overworking to try to keep her job, looking haggard all the time etc. She said that if things continue the way they are, she’ll ask her to resign and move back home so she can take care of her. My gut feeling tells me that while my ex isn’t directly involved in her mom calling me, she probably told her all the things I was furious about, which her mom had highlighted such as not allowing her to be with AP. Her mom also made it clear that she didn’t approve of her daughter’s actions in the slightest, saying she was stupid for believing AP’s lies and that she didn’t bring her up properly, and that my ex’s parents have also suffered as their image of their daughter was shattered. My ex was a pretty high achiever in school and work, and it was easy to tell that her parents had always favoured her. I do feel sorry for her parents, but I also don’t think I can forgive my ex for what she did. For context, if she does resign, it’ll be almost impossible for her to find another job, and she has her own loans which she took out to pay for her overseas education and buying a house. I know that most people in this sub want me to go scorched earth and completely destroy her life, but I also don’t want this to burden her parents. I know mom is only looking out for her daughter, saying stuff to make me feel better, but that doesn’t mean she’s completely in the wrong. At the same time, I was also upset when she said what’s done is done, and that there’s nothing that can change the past, as if this should excuse any wrongdoing. Her mom contacting me was a sudden unexpected variable, I was previously resigned to leaving things the way they were.

2 kids, 15yr relationship, he was a serial cheater and after I had our second he left me for a high-school crush he said I had nothing to worry about. Moved me out into a bigger place 6hrs away (small town to city where the kids and me would have more to do)... gives me a decent amount of money to pay for rent, buy kids toys and stuff... enough $ that if I went for child support I'd lose out.

Anyways, everytime he's fighting with his gf he comes around, last time they broke up for about a month (she went back to smoking meth for a bit) and he came around saying how much he missed his family, loves me, wants to marry me, have another baby... but I need to make changes for him 😆, give him more attention, show him love... omg I just can't, like dude you might be my baby daddy but it's been 4 years... I'm over it, just because I'm not dating doesn't mean I'm holding out for you. Honestly just lazy and dating is work so I'm just chilling by my lonesome with my kids, I'm fine with it... would be nice to have a few friends, but I'm pretty introverted and socially awkward.

Anyways after his whole spiel of loving me, but I need to wear makeup & give him blowjobs bs , 2 days later he stopped calling me every hour (thank God, he was pissing me off- where are you? What are you doing? Who are you with? Can you grab fast food? After taking out like 3 packages of meat from the freezer... like tf you gonna cook it or what? Because I'm not in the mood and neither are the kids... wasting my f8cking meat), not calling is a clear sign the gf is around, and oh look she just posted a bunch of happy couple pictures with no privacy so I can see it...

Gf crying he doesn't make room for her in his life and wants to spend time with my kids.. f7ck off, your kids are grown it's not my kids place to cement your relationship with my ex who is probably f7cking like 3 other girls and still crying to me about how he loves me and misses me. just no, I refuse to involve my kids in this drama bs.

Lol girl keep him, keep him so he stops bothering me.

I (39m) have been married to me wife (36f) for a little over 6 years now. We've had our share of difficulties like most couples but we've been working through it. That is until the other day when I found something that appears to be an affair that she had just 6 months after we were married.

I came across this all by accident. I was looking at some old pics and videos of our kids in the Google photo album that we share. That's when I noticed something strange - a screenshot from a Snapchat conversation. Immediately I see this is not me, nor anyone I know. My spidey senses started tingling and so I kept scrolling to see what else I can find. Although I'm working with partial information (just a few screenshots she took) it doesn't look good. I've included some of the photos to assist in the investigation.

11-1 It starts with a snap from Josh (it's not a real name so I didn't bother to change it) that includes an address and the instructions to screenshot this information.

11-3/4 There's two screenshots of someone following their route on Google maps. One on the way there and one on the way back. I blurred out the location but both points on the map would be passed on the route. I even found the text conversation we had that night, and she was out of the house during that time.

11-12 there's a screenshot of her photo album, guessing by mistake, and one photo of missing. It's clearly a Snapchat from a man, although only part of his face can be seen. I included a blown up copy of that pic, and comparisons against my suspect.

12-2 This is when our guy, D arrives. He appears with his actual name, but you will notice the avatar is identical. Photos of D obtained from his Facebook were used to compare to the screenshot.

1-2 More of the same for the rest of the month, but it looks like they might have broken up here (sad face). Fortunately she did delete him as a contact like she said. This is how i found the phone number, which you probably guessed by now, came back to D. And it turns out he used to live at the address sent by Josh.

I'm not crazy here, right? I know what I'm seeing, but i literally stumbled across this, and it was just sitting there? Like the whole time? I've had my suspicions at other times but couldn't prove it, and she would never admit to anything without proof.

So now what do I do? From what I can tell it happened 6 years ago and lasted a couple months. Doesn't let anyone off the hook, believe me. But how do I approach this? Wait until after the holidays? Wait until I get myself in a better position to leave? Just blow it up now? The OP looks like he's married now, not sure about back then. Do i try to contact him or the partner? Can't unsee this so i have to do something. Any advice is welcome.

https://imgur.com/gallery/AoyH0GD

This is more of a rant. I've been married for over 18 years and things haven't been easy. I like to read and try to help everyone, but there are times when I find myself stuck in the dark, not knowing what to do. I've been thinking about getting a divorce or not. Although I haven't discovered any cheating yet, all the signs are there. Mood swings, lack of sexual desire, and other things. We have two daughters and I think it's because of them that I haven't separated yet. But I remind everyone that if there are smoke signals, then there's fire, and that will turn the marriage into ashes.

My wife and I have had an interesting relationship over the years. To make a long story short, when we first started dating, she cheated and it turned into a sharing situation but eventually stopped. I have made it clear that I am 100% ok with her being with other men but for some reason she still goes behind my back and when I find out on some level, she denies everything. For instance in 2011 at her high school reunion (we weren’t married but living together) she messed around with a guy and denied everything. Just this February (we’re married now), she was doing inappropriate stuff with a coworker on IG as well as other things and of course, denied everything. My question is, does anyone have any thoughts on why she won’t just open up? Why risk our relationship when all she has to do is just let me know what’s going on and that’s it? I don’t even want details and I’ve specifically told her this. Just beyond frustrated at the moment.

My husband (26) and I (wife 23) have been married a little over 3 years. We don’t have hardly any assets no kids. Two weeks ago I confronted him and he finally fessed up that he was sending nudes with a girl he knew who lives across the world. I wanted to make things work so bad I tried everything. He has basically gone little to no contact with me and I have had to initiate all conversations even with logistical stuff. Yesterday I gave him an ultimatum that he needs to decide if he wants to fix our marriage or not and he replied with “ well not really”. He has been keeping me in this limbo of indecision and indifference towards me. He still to this moment is talking with this girl and dreaming of their life together when I’m out of the picture.

Like many of you unfortunately understand I am absolutely gutted, heartbroken and just angry. He blames me for all our marriage problems and is lying to people about our relationship to help him justify his actions. And has told me as much he doesn’t feel guilt or remorse for his actions only how they made me feel.

He is currently out of town visiting his family and when he returns we are going to talk about dividing things up and all that. But should I be waiting longer to finalize divorce? I don’t really want to sign papers until the new years anyways for tax reasons but I’m worried I’m going at this too fast. I just don’t see how it can get better if he doesn’t cut her off.

So tonight i found out my boyfriend of over 2 years had a dating app (grindr) on his phone. He was showing me something on his phone when i saw the app, and when I questioned it he tried to hide it until he couldn’t anymore and admitted to it. Obviously I am still in shock, but we did go through his phone right after and there was truly nothing outside of the one app. I also made him deactivate his account and delete the app immediately. He has been struggling with depression and self image and its been affecting our sex life and his libido, so he admitted he downloaded it for validation I guess and just used it to masturbate because apparently people just send dick pics immediately on there ( I don’t know, I’ve never used the app). He said he’s been having trouble getting turned on and I assume just the excitement of something sneaky and different is the reason why he did it. He said he only ever sent one picture and never had any actual conversations or like any sexting never happened. I do want to believe him on that, because I do know where he is at like all times and he doesn’t ever not answer the phone unless he’s working. We are also currently sharing a car so theres that too. I know nothing physical ever happened but I am still so hurt by this and my trust feels completely shattered. I asked him a lot of questions and told him how badly I am hurt. I asked him if he wanted our relationship to work or if this was it for him. He said he does want to work on things and get back to a good place, and I do too. I feel so stupid but I almost do understand why he did it ( I would never and still think what he did was horrible and so wrong, but from the point of his low self esteem and validation seeking I can see why in some twisted way I guess) He already has started the process of trying to find a couples therapist and promised me he really did want to put the work in so I really do want to believe him. Obviously that is hard right now because my trust is broken, but I want to try and so does he, so do you think there’s saving this?

Well, this is hard & long one to type out. I’m looking for any advice fon my course of action. Even it there was/is anything I can do better at this stage. There is a lot of backstory as well, but I feel like it is context for our current relationship.

TW - emotional abuse, abortion, infidelity, addiction, suicide.

My husband(35M) and I (33F) have been married for almost 13 years and together for about 18years.. yes we’ve been together since we were kids. We also both have had tramatic upbringings that have played parts in our marriage. Myself - religious trauma, extreme unfaithful parents, and my dad in & out of the picture. I was blamed a lot for unfaithfulness. My Dad was very emotionally abusive and violent at times, so I was scared to tell him. My mom was much kinder to me and could sympathize for her finding love elsewhere, besides my asshole dad. Regardless, I begged my mom to separate before she would do these things for everyones sanity/safety. Also my parents were determined something was wrong with me (when they both were alcoholics). I obviously had depression and anxiety(&adhd but wasn’t a thing then). Not only from that situation but as a child I was rarely able to hang around kids(other worldly people) and being thrown into public school system. So the outcome was to constantly take me to the doctor and switch up my medication‘s for depression, bipolar disorder(don’t have), etc. and therefore got me addicted to pills at 14-16years old. Last but not least, my mom is a extreme perfectionist and has OCD. Though all of these things were terrible. I am still grateful for the things I did learn, was able to travel some, forced me to have a great work ethic, much ambition and surprising waves of strong confidence. Today, I have a decent relationship with both of them.

Husband - His family has always raised in different levels of poverty and his childhood home has grown into an extreme hoarding household currently. Throughout his childhood there was sexual abuse in a way of visual exposure to sex and a event with his cousins a year older. Also at 13ish he was blamed for sexually abusing his niece, the family, especially his parents were in complete sham and blaming him, it was a complete uproar. He had to go through everything you can imagine with the police, lie detector and everything, and they concluded that he was telling the truth & innocent. Who abused the niece was more than likely her dad (his uncle) that also abused his cousins… What stuck with him emotionally, is that his parents immediately blamed him instead of hearing him. This repeats itself multiple times through his teenage years of his parents throwing him under the bus are believing anyone else over him. His dad seems to be a sex addict from what I’m told and exposed my husband to porn a very age (8 - 10 years)

In the beginning: So when we first met, I was addicted to pills, started hanging out with a bad crowd and he comes in a sweeps me off my feet. We were both musicians, became obsessed with each other, and he really did save me. He helped me get off of the pills, stop self harm, and gave me much peace and safety I needed.

Through out ore younger dating year we had incredible moments of watching each other grow up and grow together. With that, was some very heated arguments, especially for teens, messiness, and moments we weren’t together.

While I was finishing up high school and throughout trade school he was in the medical field with all on the job training. He was creating a career for himself, and this was the only time that he was a breadwinner thoughout our relationship and to current. Also at 17, I moved out of my parents house and into his parents with him. At this time I knew they had some issues but loved them dearly and was grateful for them to take me in.

He had became a touring musician. From the outside pretty successful(& so proud of him), but wasn’t bringing anything home. It got to a point where I was a working a waitressing job, going to trade school during the recession and I could barely survive to even pay our phone bill. Also I was born with serious feet issues and one was going to need a major foot surgery in the next couple years. It was a really hard decision that broke my heart and especially his. He had comforted me the band was having problems anyways, so this was his sign to get out and go back to his medical career.

Early 20s: Fast-forward, he got back into his medical career, we got married, paid for it ourselves. Moved into the city, very close to my job and closer than we were, to his.

During this time, we would have some really high highs and very low lows. But both were excelling in our careers with some very high work stress. I had made a job change that was of my dreams and had opportunities coming up for me left and right the day I started. At this time I found out I was pregnant…

Pregnancy: Sickness is normal during pregnancy, but I was a level of sick I have never heard of. Like every hour of the day, and more, I was vomiting. I couldn’t hold anything down. I couldn’t work. I was at the point of having to be hospitalized. We had just come from such a high high. Till 2 or 3 weeks before I found out, we started to hit a very low low. During this low, it was a time where things were very scary. He would bring up suicide(very triggering from myself and my dad doing this same thing). He would never hit me, but would be violent in the house. I could not do this. Not only is it my worst fear to bring a child in a situation I was brought up in, but to be a single mom on top of that. And for this all to happen right when I got the job on my dreams. We sat down and talked about it. I told him if I could have 1000% support, him lean fully into becoming a dad & getting help, I can muster up the courage. But if he can’t give me that, then I will not. He couldn’t give me that answer. So I proceeded with the abortion. I was so unbelievably grateful that I could continue my life the way I wanted to, but was also the most traumatic experience of my life. After the procedure I felt immediately better, but the trauma of it would haunt me for many years to come. Directly after, my husband had his own way of handling how this trauma affected him. By going to the woods camping and leaving me to myself…. This was a pivotal point of I don’t think we can get past this. I fully understand everyone has a way of coping and even though I had went through the procedure, he still was involved with this experience. But he knew how devastating this was for me, how suicidal this had made me and still chose to leave me.

Fast-forward again: he had switched facilities and but both had made him entirely insane. They were very abusive, uncaring, no regard to patients or cleanliness in a MEDICAL facility. One time he got HR involved and the other nurses cornered and bullied him for trying to get the doctor in trouble. When she was being unsanitary and treating patients terribly. What makes this another level, is he is an extreme people pleaser with no boundaries or no how to set them. So the second place seems bright and shiny at first and pays him much better, but then proceeds to fall into bad habits like the first facility and this runs him into the ground with the amount of workload that has been given to him. He starts to become suicidal again and his mental well-being was at stake. My career was at a height so we made the decision for him to quit his job and we’ll figure it out. He even verbatim said “I’ll work 2 McDonald’s jobs if I have to, to make sure I can contribute.” I was fully okay and aware if he didn’t have a job for a little bit and could handle it.

We start a handyman company, but I am pulling a lot of the workload on top of my own, to get him off his feet. He is not techy or with the times on growing yourself and learning from the Internet. I jokingly call him 80 year old man because of how little he knows how to work with technology. This ends up being a fail. He will do good on the jobs, but there’s barely any retention, no outreach to new clients, does not take any of my advice on talking to clients (talking to customers & gaining clientele is literally my job) is too scared to give quotes and never pays attention to his phone to return potential client information.

The last 2 1/2 years it’s been like this till recently. For example he was bringing home less than 10K a year. He was fine with the roll switch of him helping taking care of the house, animals(gaining many animals during Covid unexpectedly from them being dumped) and such, when I was the one working & handling finances. My needs that I expressed and expectations for him were to do a few jobs here and there to at least help with a couple very small bills and his own needs and wants.

Though this situation could’ve worked, it got to an unhealthy point. He would get so angry about me not helping around the house, how lazy I am, how I could never work as hard as he’s worked in the past at his jobs. Always comparing me to how he was forced to work. When he doesn’t get to see my daily life at my job, how much I juggle and help run a multi million dollar company, that was also becoming very toxic. I could see the level of resentment building.

It seemed like no matter what I did nothing was good enough, my ambition was too much, my work ethic was not enough compared to him, I never did anything right, he thought he never did anything right. I begged for him to start therapy and he went on different occasions to different people but nothing & no one stuck. I finally got him to agree to go to marriage counseling, and it was a terrible experience. Our counselor had tried so hard, but we did leave with some insightful things. She was at autism specialist and was able to unofficially give him a diagnosis of autism, which made ALOT of sense.

I then did a deep dive and learned all I could about autism, autism and marriage. Autism and ADHD existing together. But he could not handle counseling. He would get irate and think the counselor and I were bullying him, that wasn’t the case at all. I still was putting in my all in watching it, not be reciprocated.

Last 2 months - present Through our connections, he was able to work with a company on hurricane relief in South Florida. The income was fantastic and such a huge help because me covering 100% of our expenses from the last six months has gotten us into a hole. We ran through our two emergency funds and everything and starting to put things on credit cards so I was beyond grateful of this opportunity. This was something completely out of his comfort zone, but I still found ways to help him before he left to help prepare him for this experience. I made it clear that I am fully understanding that he has a very high workload, but please make sure that he’s communicating with me daily. I didn’t want to go through tour again where I wouldn’t hear from him for days. This was working for the first month but started aggressing. I know he had a insane amount of work so I was understanding impatient and just grateful for him to go outside of his comfort zone and be able to contribute. Prior to him leaving, this was the first time I finally had hope for our marriage. He wasn’t going to therapy like I wished but he was making so much change and effort into being a partner. I was finally at a point of not grieveing about not having a future with him, potentially a family and accomplishing dreams that we had wanted together.

Once he got home, I noticed he was different. He wouldn’t really touch me, glued to his phone, wasn’t present. All the signs I know all too well from my own parents… The second night when he was asleep, I grabbed his phone and started searching, and found it. He was in a emotional relationship with a lady (40F)he met down there. Though she had a great body, she look like a f***ing meth head. ***Side note: He has always had a really bad habit of attracting druggie friends and people that are push the side in life. Though he is so kind and caring. I swear these people just in church of him, knowing they could abuse him in someway from the way he was raised.

That night, I had flashes of myself turning into my father. I kept my composure somehow. I kept thinking of the TikTok of when women want to divorce, to keep their mouth shut and plan in silence.
So I was doing just that. Over the next couple days I could see how mentally unwell he was, so I questioned him off his actions, not what I knew. Gave him many times to tell me the truth until that night we sat down and talked. He was convinced that I had a relationship with two of his friends, completely projecting his situation. He told me he wouldn’t be mad if I would just admit it. I told him the truth. That I have been loyal to him since we were kids. So I put the question on him and told him I wouldn’t be mad. He then told me a good bit about what happened, but not all the information I knew. So the next few days I kept questioning him and would recheck his phone at night to see if he was telling the truth. Also the night we talked about everything I had learned about his porn addiction that I did not know about. It had popped up breifly before and thought it was squashed.

It boiled down to him wanting to repair the situation and not wanting to lose me. So he messaged her saying that he wanted to work it out with me and cutting all ties XYZ and blocked her. After two days, I saw him using his phone more, rechecked. He unblocked her and was talking to her. He has been trying to be sneaky and delete things, but wouldn’t delete the delete folder. I have screen recorded everything and have evidence, but of course we live in a no-fault state.

Today: I have made my mind that we’re going to separate/divorce and trying to figure out that road for myself. My attorney appointment is coming up soon and at the moment proud of myself for my strength. Other moments, I have waves of remorse of what I could’ve done, comparing, how could I’ve helped more? I’m not obese, but I’m thicker, could’ve worked on my body more. When we were fighting, he brought up that we should’ve had that kid, maybe would’ve been a lot nicer. He would just say things that just stabbed me. I was definitely raised as a parentified kid, and feel as I brought that parentification onto him. He said in the last few years my job has made me become a different person. But it wasn’t just my job, it was the weight of everything and everyone.

So if you were able to get through this book of a post… Did I do all I can save our marriage? Once he has to pay his own bills he just might become unstable. What do I do if he try’s to fix’s things? I really don’t believe with his personality that this is going to stop. I’m at an age that I do want a family and I do want to partner that’s fully in it with me. At least to try and find that. I don’t trust him to not do this again and definitely will not risk having a family with someone like this.

Hello,

Some context: Recently finished a PhD in Japan. Got a new, more stable visa with intent to return for long term.

My girlfriend of 2 years cheated on me while we were long distance for 2 months, 1 month in. The reason for the distance was she lives in a foreign country (Japan), and I was returning home (the USA) to settle up my remaining belongings and sell my apartment and car. The plan was then for me to return to Japan, we settle in for a bit, then marry.

A month in i find out she was cheating. I’ll spare most the details, but I found out within 3 days of it happening. Lot of lies were told.

I had no choice really but to return to Japan anyways since most of my belongings and a lot of my money is tied up there.

Since she cheated she has done pretty much everything one could hope for after being cheated on. I mean this in a positive way (her effort)

The reason for her cheating was entirely unrelated to my behavior. There is nothing I could have done differently. I am a pretty good boyfriend in all respects.

I wanted to break up. But I also had my life in Japan to consider. She begged, and her behavior has changed (at least for now), so I am giving it a go.

The problem: it has been 2 months since she cheated, and I still feel zero attraction for her. Perhaps it is not long enough time, but i really feel devoid of all attraction to her. Conversely, I have started to feel attraction for other women.

Before she cheated, nobody, no matter how attractive, would even catch my eye. I am very much a monogamous, committed person. I was 100% into my girlfriend, and anything she did I would find attractive.

Now, I struggle to see her as attractive at all, sexually or not.

I struggle to get an erection with her. When I get one, i can’t keep it for long, even with a cock ring. Before, I was down for sex at literally any time of day or occasion. Now, I find myself trying to avoid it

I am not going to cheat myself. But i found it pretty baffling to even feel attraction for other women as it is completely different to how i’ve been all my life.

My question: What can be can be done (if anything) for the attraction to return (from my end or hers)? Does anyone have a success story?

I’m not opposed to simply breaking up either. I know it’s a sunk cost fallacy, but I quite literally threw away my entire life in the US to live in Japan, when I could be making at least 4x the money in the US. I went from mediocre Japanese to very fluent. I’ve sacrificed a lot and invested a lot into the relationship.

Thanks in advance