I can’t remember anything but bad feelings and faces still pops up in my head.I don’t recognize them. I feel like they’re carved in my soul

Most people make me feel absolutely crazy and I have lost all hope. I've had PTSD for two decades caused by non consensual and sexually charged "exams" when I was a young child. I also had a very traumatic surgery. Anything medical related feels violating to me and I can't help it. I've done loads of therapy and it hasn't helped at all, having a person with me makes it worse, the only thing that's helped when triggered is benzos and doctors won't even give me a one off dosage any more even though I only had three pills at a time, never asked for more, and was so conservative with it.

The problem is I have chronic health issues, and because I am terrified of doctors they treat me even worse. I try to explain this and get accomodations, but they don't take it seriously and have made completely untrue judgements of me. They refuse to use the word PTSD and refer to everything I experience as a "little anxiety."

I am in the UK so forced to use NHS where we don't get a choice of doctors. I am fortunate enough that my partner has the disposable income to pay for private healthcare when doctors would not refer me for tests. I had worsening brainfog, fatigue, dysautonomia, nerve pain, headaches, memory problems etc and the doctors kept fobbing it off so I got a private scan which revealed that I have a malformation of the brain where my cerebellum is hanging into my spine, known as a Chiari malformation.

Well I had a phone appointment with the doctor and they did not believe me that this is a serious issue and demanded I come in person for an "exam" with no indication as to what it would even be. Obviously that made me afraid, and when I explained to them my issues and how I feel uncomfortable being touched and only sedation etc helps me they acted like I am completely unreasonable and making all of this up when you can see my deformed brain on my scans. They said because of this I am getting put in the very back of the queue to be referred to even speak to neurosurgery. They insinuated I didn't even need the scan in the first place.

They also refuse to give me any pain relief for the splitting headaches or fatigue and told me I just need to exercise more. Exercise has been making me worse because the scan also showed I have degenerative disk disease and I am in a great deal of pain. Doctors have consistently made fun of me, told me I need to be forced to accept penetration despite being a rape victim, said my sedative should be taken away and I should be forced into therapy until I'm desensitized, and even reported my partner to safeguardingn and made him out to be an abuser when he told them calmly they need to stop trying to force me into penetrative tests like pap smears when I've said no and expressed a lack of consent.

Whenever I tell other people about this they say that I need to be forced to suck it up, and that doctors view me as a malingerer because "real sick people would do anything to get better non matter how uncomfortable it is." This makes my blood boil because PTSD is a very real illness too and they're making it worse.

My life feels completely over. Fuck doctors

I am so happy right now i made it in my 2nd attempt . I am here to encourage those who are taking the exams for the first or second time, third time never to give up. If ever you need studying materials let me know I could be of help🤍

I may ramble and I may be all over the place. My punctuation/spelling may also not be great rn. Im sorry.

I (25M) am not looking for an answer to "why is it this hard!?" But I'm damn pissed that every medical professional (and everyone who does scheduling) seems to be making it harder.

Background - (every bit of time line I give may be off a little bit as I flow in and out of confusion) I was diagnosed with a Rathke pouch cyst, 3.5cm, on my petuitary gland about 5-6 months ago. Luckily I had just signed up for disability insurance and it had gone into effect a week before my diagnosis. Luckily unlucky.... I get it all confirmed by one of the best brain surgeons in my state and then get scheduled to have it removed through my nose. They would have to drill into my skull in my nasal cavity and create a flap of skin to fold over the hole once it's removed. I'll get a cool 13 weeks off and then I'll be perfectly fine.

I was very wrong and I hate every bit of myself for even thinking that I wouldn't suffer as much as I have. I know it's impossible to see into the future but WTF.

I was originally scheduled a month before I had my surgery but someone came in with an emergency pushing my surgery back. I have absolutely no problem with this whatsoever. Someone needed it more than me that day and that's all cool. This then becomes an issue when I'm then rescheduled 2 more times and each time it's the day before the scheduled surgery when they canceled. When they scheduled me the first time they also scheduled all of my follow up visits. Every MRI or CT scan or even just a ENT visit was canceled two days after I had my surgery (while i was still in the hospital) and then they never rescheduled me for anything. I've said this to every medical professional that I have seen since the surgery and it has still not been fixed.

Aftermath so far -

The first thing I remember after my surgery is the pain and the vomiting of bloody mucus. Lots of bloody mucus. It wouldn't stop and all I did was take a few sips of water. Every nurse In the ICU ran down the hall after seeing me to go get another nurse to try and stop me from continously vomiting while I'm holding the suction tube in my mouth. I remember bits and pieces of seeing my family but not much those first three days.

Little fact about me, I'm allergic to Codine. It makes me hallucinate. After the first night I was informed in the morning that I was given something related to it. The first night in the hospital I remember in way too much detail what I saw.

Headless skinned men hanging upside down in minecarts that looked like they were made of ground beef.... they were riding on the ceiling and making no noise but I felt like I could hear them. When I tried to sleep and closed my eyes I could still see them. They looked so real and I've never been so scared in my life.

I also have gout. I had a mild flare up right before my surgery that calmed down enough for me to walk the day of my surgery.... I woke up with an IV in my gout foot after having told them I had gout in that foot. Over the course of the next 6 days total in the hospital my gout would flare up in both feet and completely halt all physical therapy I needed to be able to walk. When I left I was barely able to move on my own with the help of a walker. It took me 4 weeks in order to be able to walk again. I still get dizzy and wobbly 8 1/2 weeks post-op.

I had splints removed from my nose that I didn't even know were there. I found out about the splints when a panicked receptionist called me asking if I'd already had them removed. When I said no I was informed that I was supposed to have them removed a week before.

My insurance rep who sold me my disability package legit blocked me while i was in the hospital! It was apparently an accident but I couldn't get in contact with her to try and get my paperwork for over a month. Then, after faxing my paperwork to the hospital and waiting 17 days. I get a phone call saying that they never got it even though I called and confirmed that the receptionist was holding the paperwork in her hands. So they lost my paperwork that had my SS number on it... great.... I faxed it again which cost me my last 10$ and reconfirmed that it was received. Now I'm in the final steps of actually receiving compensation but it just feels like it was completed out of pity.

Every day is a gamble - Two days ago I felt amazing and actually worked on a few small projects at home. Today, I zone out every 5 minutes, get confused walking in a straight line, have a weird pressure that feels like my head is going to explode, and am paranoid that I'm gonna for a CSF leak. So paranoid in fact that I barely want to move. I'm so scared. I'm so scared. I'm so scared.

Not being able to get things on a secure schedule where ik what's actually going on is breaking me. I still haven't had a CT scan since my surgery! So I have no freaking clue if I'm healing properly. For reference, I was originally scheduled to have my first of 3 CT scans two weeks after I left the hospital. It's almost been 9 weeks since the surgery. I was also just informed a week ago that it wasn't even a cyst it was just "a mass of flesh that they can't really identify"

I don't know what to do. Not to sound dramatic but every few days I'm scared that I'm gonna die. I can't shake it. It won't go away. My fears keep me awake. I barely sleep and most of the times if I do I cry myself to sleep. My body has completely stopped producing testosterone and I've developed diabetes insepidus so I just piss constantly and chug water so I don't get dehydrated.

I hate myself so much. I'm so scared and tired. It's not worth it. The suffering I've been through since my surgery isn't worth it. I would have rather just not have gotten the surgery and died 10 years or so later. Except, I'm glad I had it no matter how fucked up I am. It gives me a chance at a long life with my amazing fiance that I hope to marry next year. She has taken me to every appointment and been there by my side every step of the way. She is so sweet to me and I don't deserve it because I'm making her life more difficult. I couldn't even get her anything for her birthday because I had to fax my paperwork twice. I hate this feeling. I want to give her the world rn but I can't. I can't do anything.

I just hope that I'll be ok.

Im alive.... that's good enough for now.

I can’t tell if what I’m experiencing is normal or not, and if so, would counseling help?

I’ve had several encounters with doctors that have caused me to lose trust in the medical community.

I (college-aged female) have always been a pretty healthy kid aside from a few minor issues. Growing up, I never had an irrational fear of doctors, although looking back now, I think I may have had some trauma from a VCUG I had when I was 3, because I still think about it 2-3 times a week and I remember it very vividly. I’m not active, but I’m scheduled to have a PAP smear in August, and I don’t think I can do it. I’ve been trying to act normal and not like I’m scared, but the truth is, I really don’t know if I can handle someone messing around down there after having that test. I do have an irrational fear of doctors touching me there. None of my other friends have issues with it, which makes me think it’s not normal.

I also have a rare chronic pain disease that I developed when I was 17 called CRPS (complex regional pain syndrome). I had several terrifying experiences leading up to my diagnosis, which took a year to get (and I’m lucky, because some CRPS patients wait 10 years for a diagnosis because it’s so rare). I can barely even go to the doctor anymore without being scared out if my mind. I had to have an EEG done, and it was so painful and scary (CRPS causes hypersensitivity to pain), and I had several MRIs, one with contrast that was particularly scary because of one of the nurses there. I can’t even drive by the pain clinic I used to go to without getting nervous and losing the ability to move my affected limb. It’s terrible, and I’m scared that someday I’ll have to drive by there with someone I know and that it’ll happen.

I tried counseling as part of the pain program, but the psychologist just told me that all of my problems were caused by anxiety and OCD (neither of which I have - I had anxiety for an couple of years in high school, but figured out it was caused by melatonin, and stopped taking it and it cleared up) and that my pain wasn’t that bad. I want to see a counselor or again, but I’m scared to go back. I’ve never told anyone about this, and instead have just cancelled doctors appointments before going and given other excuses, and when I’m sick, I just don’t go to the doctor. I don’t know. Will seeing a counsellor help, or will they just think I’m crazy? Is what I’m feeling even something worth seeing a counselor for? I’m scared to get married and start a family because I don’t want to go to the gynecologist or see a doctor, so that tells me something is wrong and that I need help.

I do, every single day. Why they can legally ruin my life, but if I do it to them, I will be incarcerated?

I am not diagnosed with a mental illness, however, I think that something is wrong with me. 3 years ago I developed Me/cfs, suddenly out of nowhere. I went from healthy to being bedridden over night. Sometimes I had to crawl to the bathroom because I was so weak. I was so afraid it was never going to get better, but eventually it did, after a year.

In the last 3 years I had many different doctor's appointments and experienced a lot of gaslighting. I was told that I was depressed, that the symptoms were all in my head, I wasn't believed, was laughed at, aggressively shouted at and much more. I have a pretty bad memory plus aphantasia, which protects me from trauma. But this time, I just cannot get rid of the experiences. They constantly pop up in my inner voice, everyday at least once (but usually more often).

I can't concentrate as my inner voice keeps replaying these experiences over and over again, although it's been 2 years. I am often talking to myself, replaying the scenarios, although I don't want to think about it. I am a lot afraid of going to doctors and I try to avoid going there, which is bad since I need medication.

Is this trauma I'm experiencing? Or not? If not, what else could be going on? Does anyone else here experiences the same?

I’ve been battling for addressing my chronic illnesses symptoms in the US for months but still no luck. Now I couldn’t get out of my bed every day. At the same time I’m struggling with suicidality due to living with my abuser. They’re trying to take me back to the country I grew up in. I used to reject firmly but idk now.

I made the decision yesterday and I’m already started to be seriously triggered. My entire family of 5 did the abuse for my entire life and we live in the cultish closed culture which domestic violence isn’t a thing everybody abused their child. There’s also no mental health services there. And my parents have actually house arrested me before. If I went back there I might not be able to come out and go back to school again. If I get diagnosed with any chronic illnesses my family would know and they might house arrested me again. Making this decision had already cause me to start trembling idk what would happen if I met my groomer dad. He’s been harassing me via text recently(I’ve blocked him) and everyone I saw his text I kinda struggle real bad.

I feel doomed. Since I wanna return to school for fall I need get my psych evaluation first. It would make dealing with the doctors 1000x harder than now if I received any psychiatric diagnosis, which is already hard enough. But I need to get them done first so I can return to school, which would made my health better since I don’t have to live with my abuser.

Idk what to do I feel doomed after making the decision.

Hi I’m back, I wrote a post a few months ago I think it was about how I was lost and felt helpless and just really struggling with ptsd due to my surgeries and other things. I’m back to say good and bad, the bad is it’s the same, but I don’t look at it the same, when I wake up shaking and crying I tell myself damn I’m awake i’m alive alive to feel this horrible thing, but I’m alive to feel it i’m here and not dead in a hospital bed or surgery theatre. No I’m here and alive. The dreams have gotten worse tbh but I think about it differently. And it has helped so much, I walk up my stairs and brush my teeth not telling myself like before i’m gunna have another traumatic flashback or wake up in distress, no i tell myself okay It’ll probably happen but what can I do about it not much, so rather then hating it I embrace it as a feeling i can feel because I am alive. I tried EMDR didn’t help at all but I do know it has helped others. And medication has always been a no no for me so haven’t tried. And also big news me and a girl I met randomly who had an NG tube because of our stomach surgery and problems are going to start a Medical Ptsd Charity, to raise awareness and to destigmatize everything around medical ptsd. But yep i just came here to say: It might not go away so why hate it try and embrace it as a message damn I survived damn I’m out of there not living it but maybe reliving it to show to me that was traumatic but look now i’m in my own bed and I AM ALIVE. And you are too. Lots of love and please msg for anything and everything.

Hey everyone, Just wondering if anyone has been more risky after medical trauma? Specifically after near death experiences? I'm unlikely to live till old age with the way my body hates me, and it's got me in this "fk it" type attitude? In my case its not dangerous things, but things like fk around and find out? Hope this makes sense??

Does anyone else look back and just wonder, why me? What the Hell did I ever do to deserve it?

I just stumbled across blurry videos I'd somehow accidentally recorded in the hospital, of my voice just gutterally screaming in pain. It went right through me. Before that, there were pictures of her looking so bright and normal. After that it's all just nothing. Fucking nothing.

I don't know who I am or what I deserve now, but that girl didn't deserve that. I don't know what kind of grand philosophical epiphany I'm supposed to have after being given such a special card in life. Some people seem to have a new lease on life after a NDE. It just made me hyperaware of the fact that I'm running out of time.

I don't even remember the past 5 years of my life. They're gone, wasted. I was doing so well. Then some giant hand just reached down and pulled me in half. There's before and there's after, and I'm pretty sure I just never woke up. I feel like I'm perpetually experiencing the last 2 minutes a brain sees before it dies. Like a ghost, who's not supposed to be here anymore. Everyone around me knows I'm different. They treat me like I'm an intruder who's come to replace the sweet girl who used to walk around in this now rotten body. And I am.

Please tell me someone else understands this godforsaken 'feeling'. I feel like nobody will ever understand me.

Does anyone else still see a pediatrician due to medical trauma? I’m almost eighteen and I see a regular family doctor, but I’m looking at dentists and the only one that seems to really meet my needs is a pediatric one. Is trauma/autism a valid reason to keep seeing a pediatrician or should I just bite the bullet and see an adult dentist where there are less guarantees about a female practitioner?

Long vent

I was perfectly healthy before i was suddenly diagnosed with a heart condition after a certain event and rushed to surgery. I spent around a week in the ICU while suffering so much I was barely conscious. Then I had another surgery which did help but took another two months to somewhat recover from. (don’t want to disclose too much for privacy)

Here’s how I ruined my life. I broke up with my partner still in hospital. I could not stand the embarrassment of having him see me so weak. I loved him but did not want to be a burden. My family made arrangements for me to take a gap year from uni due to health reasons but instead as soon as I could, I dropped out. I moved back with my parents “recovering”, which really meant rotting in bed. I attempted suicide but it was not successful (obviously).

I realised I was wasting my life away so after a while, I moved abroad. My friends loved the idea and said it would do me good. I regained some of my energy and started this whole narrative of living life to the fullest.

My parents tried stopping me but after it didn’t work, gave me some money. I blew through most of it pretty quickly and realised I would need to start working. Finding a job was hard since I barely spoke the language and had 0 motivation.

During that time, I decided to move in with a guy I met on tinder. It worked pretty decent at first, as he helped me get a job but soon we started arguing more and more. He started abusing me physically, though I can’t say i’m perfectly innocent either because i was the one to start most of the arguments. I couldn’t get out as I had no savings, no apartment and no one but him.

I found out he was cheating on me but obviously could do nothing since I was still dependent on him. I started going out a lot with a shady crowd and sleeping around as well. I started experimenting with substances but mostly just drink excessively. I didn’t even have a job anymore, just going out with promoters and still sleeping on my boyfriends couch. The thing that finally woke me up was when he kicked me out after a pretty bad fight that got physical. I again tried killing myself. After a stay in a psychiatric hospital, I finally returned home and started long term therapy.

I’ve been recovering now for some time and i’m doing much better. I came home, I regained some of my old connections. I still don’t have my old life back but definitely take steps to make something out of myself.

I just wanted to leave it here to show people medical ptsd is serious. It’s not the same as combat related ptsd but it absolutely can affect you just as bad. I became someone completely unrecognisable and almost ruined my life completely. Take care of yourself or loved ones who have it.

Ptsd on saving lives is really hard. The first time I saved a life was my dad's. He was blue from my ex attacking him. It was so different than when my ex attacked me and survived. I have ptsd from it. That was over 10 years ago. I thought I was ok to help others. I pulled up to a lady on the side of the road without a pulse. I pulled her out and did cpr for almost ten minutes. She survived, I saved her,and also saved my dad. Even though I thought I had survived the ptsd from my dad's situation, I thought I was in the clear of helping other people. Boy was I wrong. Even though the lady is OK, I have cried for days. All I can think about is her bent neck that felt like a new matel barbie texture. They are both alive, how do I feel like they aren't even though they are? How is saving a live which is a good thing so traumatizing? I've been a life guard for years and saved drowning victims but not OK with this? When I was younger, death scared me. Being so depressed I finally became OK with death. How does saving another life cause so many mental issues? Avec the adrenaline was kicking in, it was such a high. I was so excited that I saved her. Now,...... I feel so sad.

It was traumatic, i can't go back to clinics for awhile now.

I am confused at alot seeming to happen in about 3hrs at the urgent care, even though it was one of the slowest service days and i didn't understand why (with rain, midday)

I told the provider and they agreed it was not ok, but didn't ask how i was affected. I was overwhelmed so I'm afraid i framed it not just about me, and couldn't do symptom talk when i talked about the staff using the pray as a playtoy. i didn't know how strongly was safe to talk about the staff hurting me or maybe anything negative. saying those things have gotten me bammed in the mind before.

I don't mean to sound lawsuitey, i am just maybe terrored from my symptoms, and how the staff were enjoying themselves (as if the can was pretend or a partything or skit prop or idk), and the silencing or dismissing or not accommodating even when i spoke up

I don't have access to meds or most kitchen staples that it seemed were needed for remedies. (I also might fear tea, idk, the taste can feel bad, the teethstain risk scares me, some people i knew drinking tea hurt me, idk)

it feels like the laws are not the rules, and guidelines are not used?

I’m currently in IOP consisting in individual, family, and trauma therapy 5 days a week- but they believe it’s not enough for me as I am basically non functioning at this point and missing a lot of sessions and have been recommended a residential program. I’m looking for recommendations. About me: I’ve been diagnosed with BPD, major depressive disorder, OCD, panic disorder, anxiety, PTSD. Suicide attempt in June and just have been progressively getting worse. I had a horrible inpatient experience after my attempt where I was mistreated and ignored by doctors. Looking for: Individual therapy ideally 5 days a week Trauma treatment and EMDR I have a lot of physical health issues that I have mostly learned to manage but my concern is being able to accommodate food allergies. Would like a program that doesn’t just bandaid with medication but incorporates overall wellness habits that can be integrated post treatment. I am 18 so I would prefer a young adult residential program, but it’s not 100% necessary. I am from the NJ/NY area, again not 100% necessary since I’m prioritizing quality of the program over location.

Any experiences or recommendations is highly highly appreciated as I am really desperate to get help. Thank you so much.

Hello! I'm having my first filling since I was a kid on April 1st.

I am terrified. Nightmares, counseling, coping skills, I've probably tried it.

I've gotten various answers on how bad it hurts. I'm scared of shots, and even more scared of the dentist.

I'm also Autistic. Any advice?

I had to get my blood drawn and it just won’t stop. It just won’t stop, I can feel it inside me and it just won’t stop and I can’t go about my day. It just won’t stop and I can’t get it to stop.

I'm just baffled.

Trigger Warning: discussion of pain administered at an Emergency Department

Some years ago, my mule kicked me in the ribs/liver/stomach area and I became shaky and lightheaded. Concerned about internal bleeding, I had my SO take me to the ED. By the time he dropped me off, I was unable to speak, sit up, keep my eyes open or move but I could hear and feel everything. I was administered trapezius pinch from the ED entrance to the exam room and then sternal rub constantly except for brief moments when I was able to open my eyes. The pain level for these was ten out of ten. It took my SO about 10-15 minutes to park the car, walk back to the building, gain access and then be let into my room. At this point, all painful stimuli were immediately stopped. Turns out the symptoms were due to my blood volume going to the area where I was kicked and I, fortunately, did not have any internal bleeding. Later, when I complained about the prolonged application of painful stimuli, the patient advocate told me to go elsewhere next time, the ED Director told me that would not have happened because it was not their policy to apply prolonged painful stimuli...only a brief application is allowed, I wrote to the hospital headquarters with no response, attorneys have been disinterested and the doctor said he does not believe that an unresponsive patient would be capable of feeling pain. I have been unable to make myself go to the ED since then despite two episodes of anaphylactic shock and one hemiplegic migraine which should have had a workup to rule out stroke. This hospital and others in my area have a policy of separating the patient from all companions until they are settled in a room. I could bring a hidden camera with microphone but that would only document, not prevent mistreatment. I don't know how to assure my safety if I again needed to go to an ED when I was in bad shape. I plan to approach my State legislature in the near future. Do any of you have any other ideas?

The other night I had a nightmare that felt like I was reliving my voiding cystourethrogram as an adult (I had a few when I was around 5yo). I'm not sure if this caused any trauma or if maybe I had this nightmare because I was talking about how they could be compared to SA. Has anyone had nightmares about theirs?

(Tw mention of suicide) Woo first post here and it's pretty tmi. I've never had good experiences with doctors, but I've always had health problems from being born premature. I've always had digestive issues, but it's gotten worse as I've gotten older. I've had intestinal obstructions before, but each time I have them it's worse than the last or more frequent. I'm in a lot of pain right now and have been crying from it all day yesterday basically and I'm so scared of getting help because I'm so ashamed. I've not had any good experiences with doctors, it was worse in my childhood so my mom just ended up not taking me to doctors cuz I'd cry uncontrollably after each appointment. I'm so scared that if I go to the ER, they'll do something bad or have to do something really invasive to me to help me. Thinking about it makes me want to cry again tbh. I've contemplated suicide just because I'm so embarrassed and scared. I'd almost rather die by my own hand than go to a doctor for help. I'm trying to remind myself they aren't the doctors who hurt me when I was a kid, but it's still so scary. I don't like having them poke and prod at me it just bleh it feels bad to feel vulnerable like that. I'm really hoping I don't need surgery or be put under anesthesia for an ng tube or something?? Just really scared to get help for my pain :")

A bit ago, I unsuccessfully tried to commit suicide as that was better than the alternative of going to the dentist. Since my attempt, I won a pretty cool award within my university, and this gave me the courage to make an appointment and go to the dentist.

I wish my attempt had been successful. I was correct in thinking that death would be worse than going to the dentist.

There really is no help for me. I have been in and out of therapy, and it does not help. I do not like the sedative options I am given; gas makes me feel less in control of myself, not take away any pain, and so does anxiety medication. I have found a place in my area that does sedation dentistry, but this involves an IV. There is no difference in my psyche in rape and being penetrated with needles.

I will carry the feeling of a needle in my gums with a gas mask over my face for the rest of my short, miserable life. I applied for a credit card and that will get me a gun because I am just that desperate to die at this point.

Hey y'all.

I've unfortunately got some medical trauma (primarily having to do with painful injections, but the anxiety has generalized to other medical things), and I'm meeting with a urologist in about six weeks for chronic pain. I've got a few different (possibly related) pain issues, but the worst one is aching in my scrotum/testicles which started when I had epididymitis nearly four years ago. There's a video appointment first, but after that I'm about 98% sure they're going to ask me to come in and do exams on both my genitals and my rectum/prostate. (I also have rectal pain when I orgasm, and in any case a primary care doctor told me that even for the testicular issue they will probably examine my prostate to rule out anything having to do with that.)

I've had all of it done before and I know that at the end of the day it probably won't be that bad, but I'm just really scared. Anybody willing to talk with me about it on DM?

I am reaching out to gather personal stories from women who have experienced being denied reproductive care at religious hospitals, especially in the wake of the Dobbs decision. These stories are for a book project intended to shed light on these critical issues. With the Catholic Church significantly increasing its inventory of medical facilities within the US this century, it's crucial to highlight the impact of their restrictive reproductive care policies. Your experiences can help illuminate the realities faced by many and advocate for necessary changes in healthcare practices. Your stories are vital to public education. Thank you for your courage.

Hi!

Don’t think I have medical ptsd, but definitely need advice.

Because of past experiences, I can’t sleep. I have pretty bad trypanophobia and I remember just about every experience I have had. It all keeps me up at night and genuinely makes me feel unsafe in my own room. There are moments where I literally feel like someone from those memories is in my room and will hurt me. Going to grocery stores and seeing the signs at the pharmacy make it worse.

Like anyone else on this subreddit, I would like to avoid seeing a doctor for medication. I have done some EMDR therapy, which definitely helps, but I haven’t been able to keep up with it because of college. Not to mention the fact that I only process one memory at a time, so other memories still bother me.

Thank you!

This happened today and I just need to dump it out.

I broke my wrist in September which required surgery, and as part of my follow up care my orthopedic ordered a nerve study. I was told this included electrodes being placed on my hands and arms to measure conductivity values. Cool, that sounds reasonable and I know what to expect.

I went in today with no fear or anxiety about this procedure. During the electrode portion of the test, the doctor goes "okay, time for the needles," which immediately set me off. I was a cancer patient as a child and had a fear of needles prior, but I learned how to get over it to get the job done by mentally preparing myself, whether it be hours or days beforehand. This usually allows me to get through it without issue. When I tried to tell the doctor to slow down and back it up in order to inform me about what would be happening, he responded with "you didn't read what the procedure was online?" He then proceeded to tell me he would be sticking several needles all the way into my muscles.

I started to sweat and I told him I needed a minute to collect myself. While he went to get me water I had to convince myself to not walk out of that room. I told myself I needed to be strong and just get it done. He came back and answered some more questions, but just kept telling me "it will be fine, it's fine." Then when he finally did it, I kicked myself a bit for hyping myself up like I always do, because it wasn't that uncomfortable. At least until he got to my hand. He goes "this one will probably hurt a bit" and the initially insertion was fine, but the current he ran through was excruciating. I screamed and told him "fuck off, get out of me!" And then he pulled it out and said it was done. I was shivering and sweaty, paid my copay and went to the car thinking I was okay.

On the ride home I just started sobbing and I had to call my mom (I haven't lived at home in years). I just feel violated and angry and like I have the need to protect someone, and I think that it's myself. I was able to be okay in the moment enough to get through it but afterwards I had so many emotions that just didn't seem consistent with the relief of it being over. I went to the gym to try and get some of the negative emotions out and I think it helped a bit but I just feel defeated and depressed.

I've never had an episode like this before. I don't know if I should keep trying to harp on it and sift through my emotions or if I should just let it go considering it is likely a situation that I won't experience again...

I had my cavities fixed multiple times without anesthetic (I didn’t even know it was an option, and had to endure the excruciating, searing, white hot pain that’s indescribable and worse than anything I’ve ever felt in my entire life), and as a result have horrible fear of the dentist and the sound of a dental drill. Anyone had a similar experience? How did it affect you and how do you get over this?

I am afraid I am really going to end my life over my dental fear. I have been “working” with a therapist for three months now, and this is after a month of appointments with random ones trying to find some one who seemed okay. Therapy makes me angry and attending therapy has become an additional stressor in my life. I don’t see how I’m going to get out of this unless I go sit in the closet in my balcony with a bucket full of lit charcoal.