/r/oneliners

Photograph via //r/oneliners

Post your favorite oneliners!

Rules

Rule 1: Posts must be oneliners.

Generally a oneliner is a joke that is written in one sentence. If your post does not meet this requirement, it will be removed.

Rule 2: No recent reposts.

Try and keep reposts to a minimum. Use the search function to see if your oneliner has been posted recently (in the last 6 months) to avoid reposts.

Rule 3: General Reddiquette must be followed.

Your post/comment may be removed if it violates general reddiquette. Read about it here.

Rule 4: Moderators Discretion.

The moderators reserve the right to remove content deemed inappropriate for the subreddit.

Friends of Oneliners

/r/oneliners

172,736 Subscribers

1

I laugh alone to the voices I hear in my head for hours. I love podcasts. They help me forget the shadow people.

0 Comments
2024/04/19
23:10 UTC
7

The fact that I like mammals with trunks is irrelephant

3 Comments
2024/04/19
21:16 UTC
1

its called TAX because it goes back so far into history they hadn't invented the screw.

0 Comments
2024/04/19
19:08 UTC
1

Cinderella retched when she got to the ball

0 Comments
2024/04/19
19:01 UTC
6

When she told me she was a witch I couldn't let her sleep because there ain't no rest for the Wiccan.

0 Comments
2024/04/19
17:25 UTC
4

I know I’m a bad boy cuz nice guys finish last

1 Comment
2024/04/19
13:59 UTC
8

My uncle brought out a range of women's nightwear that’s so ugly he's being sued for gross negligées

1 Comment
2024/04/19
10:44 UTC
14

I went to a big family party recently and a guy I didn’t recognise got a bit rowdy and was asked to leave - I found out he was my second cousin, once removed.

1 Comment
2024/04/19
10:35 UTC
5

I feel like a new life's ahead of me, ever since I received a donated kidney and sold it for market value.

0 Comments
2024/04/19
04:45 UTC
0

I learned a new word; "Entropy"

7 Comments
2024/04/19
03:44 UTC
0

Babies with grownup names freak me out, like no, I don't want to hold Barry.

5 Comments
2024/04/19
03:41 UTC
4

I've got a lot of experience being a beginner.

1 Comment
2024/04/18
23:12 UTC
7

Anyone who thinks dyslexic people can't make poetry should check out the beautiful vase that I just fished.

0 Comments
2024/04/18
22:08 UTC
38

Statistics show that six out of seven dwarfs are not happy.

5 Comments
2024/04/18
15:05 UTC
0

My Gran died recently in a rail accident and I felt sh*t as it was me that put up her curtains.

1 Comment
2024/04/18
15:02 UTC
4

Spoiler alert: The fish never calls Wanda

0 Comments
2024/04/18
14:59 UTC
8

I was once touched by Jesus while serving time in a Mexican jail.

1 Comment
2024/04/18
00:48 UTC
0

Why is Wednesday called “hump day” when most people get lucky at the weekend?

2 Comments
2024/04/17
19:38 UTC
43

If I'm reading their lips correctly, the neighbors are arguing about some creepy guy next door.

0 Comments
2024/04/17
19:30 UTC
61

When Bill Withers was told “Ain’t no sunshine” is bad grammar, he said I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know

7 Comments
2024/04/17
11:18 UTC
4

I love eating ass if the donkey meat is seasoned and cooked properly

0 Comments
2024/04/17
04:00 UTC
0

RBG was too judgemental

2 Comments
2024/04/16
21:32 UTC
3

Doesn’t the term Transnormative sound like a show Mark Normand would host after Ru Paul’s drag race?

0 Comments
2024/04/16
21:29 UTC
0

I'm not going to eat three pounds of gummy bears in one sitting

2 Comments
2024/04/16
21:13 UTC
20

I told my sarcastic friend I lost my voice and they said “You don’t say?”

5 Comments
2024/04/16
20:09 UTC
2

I need trepanning like I need a hole in the head

2 Comments
2024/04/16
19:41 UTC
0

The citizens of Camelot were terrified of having sex until King Arthur introduced the pullout method

5 Comments
2024/04/16
16:12 UTC
0

That’s what she said

6 Comments
2024/04/15
21:46 UTC
4

In prison, it's important to keep your circle tight

3 Comments
2024/04/15
16:12 UTC
0

Brevity is the soul of wit, except for that joke about the guy who has to become a monk, or other long jokes, or long jokes that haven't been written yet but that will be considered witty in the future

1 Comment
2024/04/15
05:41 UTC
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