/r/oneliners

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Post your favorite oneliners!

Rules

Rule 1: Posts must be oneliners.

Generally a oneliner is a joke that is written in one sentence. If your post does not meet this requirement, it will be removed.

Rule 2: No recent reposts.

Try and keep reposts to a minimum. Use the search function to see if your oneliner has been posted recently (in the last 6 months) to avoid reposts.

Rule 3: General Reddiquette must be followed.

Your post/comment may be removed if it violates general reddiquette. Read about it here.

Rule 4: Moderators Discretion.

The moderators reserve the right to remove content deemed inappropriate for the subreddit.

Friends of Oneliners

/r/oneliners

182,594 Subscribers

0

What is 3/7 chicken, 2/3 cat & 2/4 goat? Chicago #BrainDamage

0 Comments
2024/11/12
05:17 UTC
1

About temper in life situations: You lose it, you lose IT.

0 Comments
2024/11/12
04:05 UTC
15

I have a tea kettle and instead of whistling, it respects me.

1 Comment
2024/11/12
02:04 UTC
21

It doesn’t matter what temperature the room is, it’s always room temperature.

1 Comment
2024/11/11
18:57 UTC
0

I’d like to cruise the Bermuda Triangle but only around the perimeter.

0 Comments
2024/11/11
18:32 UTC
0

I don’t know what tattoo I want, so I’m getting one that’s a construction site with a Work In Progress sign

0 Comments
2024/11/11
13:46 UTC
17

If a serial killer is chasing u. U both are running for your life.

1 Comment
2024/11/11
07:46 UTC
0

Why doesn't the ocean leak? Because it has Seals. #BrainDamage

6 Comments
2024/11/11
03:52 UTC
30

In order to address the overpopulation crisis, the World Economic Forum requests that you go f*ck yourself

3 Comments
2024/11/10
20:35 UTC
77

I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 15 years in a row now!

4 Comments
2024/11/10
18:01 UTC
6

Raise your hand if you think independently

6 Comments
2024/11/10
18:00 UTC
8

I’m staunchly pro anti-war

0 Comments
2024/11/10
13:44 UTC
0

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet service to see who they really are #BrainDamage

8 Comments
2024/11/10
04:54 UTC
0

With all these people Googling "What is a tariff?" it's ironic that Trump will ban Plan B.

0 Comments
2024/11/10
02:11 UTC
11

My wife just now: They don't make antique rugs like they used to.

2 Comments
2024/11/09
23:38 UTC
17

All I learned in boarding school is how to get on a plane

3 Comments
2024/11/09
22:39 UTC
5

Why do I lack curiosity?

0 Comments
2024/11/09
21:22 UTC
9

I have a question for all the psychics out there... ...?

6 Comments
2024/11/09
18:20 UTC
0

Hey Dad, can you pass the salt? I don't know, son, can you pass the semester? #BrainDamage

0 Comments
2024/11/09
16:36 UTC
4

Does anybody want to play Solitaire with me?

0 Comments
2024/11/09
15:41 UTC
27

What makes me better than everyone else is that I don't go around thinking I'm superior.

9 Comments
2024/11/09
13:08 UTC
10

Sorry your refrigerator died, that stinks

9 Comments
2024/11/09
13:00 UTC
5

An earthquake hitting a Catholic Church is a mass extinction event

1 Comment
2024/11/09
06:59 UTC
119

My girlfriend’s tits got so big we wondered what was in the birdseed.

8 Comments
2024/11/09
05:32 UTC
10

The air freshener vending machine is out of odor.

2 Comments
2024/11/08
18:35 UTC
49

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory, because all I did was take a day off.

12 Comments
2024/11/08
15:09 UTC
112

Does anyone else think that the Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name?

9 Comments
2024/11/08
14:41 UTC
4

I don’t like one lane roads because I believe everyone should have a shoulder to cry on

2 Comments
2024/11/08
13:53 UTC
29

Every time I moved my leg it made a mooing sound,turned out to be a calf injury

1 Comment
2024/11/08
13:14 UTC
2

Oxygen is the original drug and immediate withdrawals can cause organ failure.

1 Comment
2024/11/08
08:24 UTC
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