/r/oneliners

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Post your favorite oneliners!

Rules

Rule 1: Posts must be oneliners.

Generally a oneliner is a joke that is written in one sentence. If your post does not meet this requirement, it will be removed.

Rule 2: No recent reposts.

Try and keep reposts to a minimum. Use the search function to see if your oneliner has been posted recently (in the last 6 months) to avoid reposts.

Rule 3: General Reddiquette must be followed.

Your post/comment may be removed if it violates general reddiquette. Read about it here.

Rule 4: Moderators Discretion.

The moderators reserve the right to remove content deemed inappropriate for the subreddit.

Friends of Oneliners

/r/oneliners

184,325 Subscribers

21

The old woman who lived in a shoe wasn’t the sole owner; there were strings attached.

2 Comments
2024/12/18
21:17 UTC
2

For an eggnostic, faith is hardboiled

1 Comment
2024/12/18
16:38 UTC
1

Trying to milk a cow which has been cut in half is udder madness.

0 Comments
2024/12/18
14:51 UTC
25

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

3 Comments
2024/12/18
12:53 UTC
6

They put fences around graveyards because people are dying to get in.

2 Comments
2024/12/18
10:32 UTC
1

My successful hotel-owning friends didn’t appreciate me calling them inn greats.

3 Comments
2024/12/18
04:23 UTC
5

Someone stole my mood ring today. I can't tell you how I feel about that.

3 Comments
2024/12/18
04:01 UTC
76

I spotted an albino Dalmatian today. It was the least I could do for him.

6 Comments
2024/12/18
04:00 UTC
6

If all the world's a stage, where does the audience sit?

8 Comments
2024/12/18
02:52 UTC
5

When punching yourself in the face and it hurts, it means you're weak and strong at the same time.

1 Comment
2024/12/17
21:47 UTC
5

Are steamy romance novels for quilters called "seam rippers"?

0 Comments
2024/12/17
17:04 UTC
23

Not all couples go to the gym together, because some relationships don’t work out.

3 Comments
2024/12/17
15:11 UTC
14

I used to be a freelance writer but I wasn't very good because Lance is still in prison.

2 Comments
2024/12/17
12:25 UTC
9

Models of dragons are not to scale.

0 Comments
2024/12/17
08:03 UTC
1

My new diet consists of aircraft, and is a bit plane.

0 Comments
2024/12/17
00:54 UTC
3

Researchers are saying amphibian populations are plummeting across North Americal; it's a toadal loss.

1 Comment
2024/12/16
19:26 UTC
23

You can get just as drunk on water as you can on land.

2 Comments
2024/12/16
18:31 UTC
8

When people say "God gives you only as much as you can handle," I wonder if they could handle getting punched in the face.

8 Comments
2024/12/16
13:52 UTC
49

I heard Trump is going to ban shredded cheese, and make America grate again.

13 Comments
2024/12/16
09:28 UTC
0

For Billionaires, like is like a Whitman Sampler. You know exactly what you are gong to get.

2 Comments
2024/12/15
21:26 UTC
43

A persistent banker wouldn’t stop hitting on me, so I asked him to leave me a loan.

2 Comments
2024/12/15
14:32 UTC
10

We found out that our house was once the site of an exorcism and it's due to be repossessed next week.

0 Comments
2024/12/15
14:05 UTC
21

I had to take my niece to the ER today because she swallowed a toy train set, doctors said she bit off more than she could choo.

4 Comments
2024/12/15
03:28 UTC
9

I started taking an adhd test, but I lost interest.

2 Comments
2024/12/14
23:23 UTC
0

I wonder if the UnitedHealthcare CEO had Nationwide for his home/auto insurance. "Nationwide Homicide"

0 Comments
2024/12/14
18:09 UTC
8

Trump finishes the press conference, but more lies ahead

0 Comments
2024/12/14
15:59 UTC
57

I asked my girlfriend if she would like to drink a yard of vodka but I knew it was a long shot.

3 Comments
2024/12/14
15:08 UTC
23

People say I look better without glasses, but I just can't see it.

2 Comments
2024/12/14
00:49 UTC
15

Orions belt is a waist of space

2 Comments
2024/12/13
19:08 UTC
19

In an effort to bridge the cultural gap with my Hispanic friends, I’ve been saying “muchos” a lot more recently, it means a lot to them.

1 Comment
2024/12/13
17:31 UTC
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