/r/oneliners

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Post your favorite oneliners!

Rules

Rule 1: Posts must be oneliners.

Generally a oneliner is a joke that is written in one sentence. If your post does not meet this requirement, it will be removed.

Rule 2: No recent reposts.

Try and keep reposts to a minimum. Use the search function to see if your oneliner has been posted recently (in the last 6 months) to avoid reposts.

Rule 3: General Reddiquette must be followed.

Your post/comment may be removed if it violates general reddiquette. Read about it here.

Rule 4: Moderators Discretion.

The moderators reserve the right to remove content deemed inappropriate for the subreddit.

Friends of Oneliners

/r/oneliners

171,727 Subscribers

1

If pretty woman was made today it would be about a rich guy simping for an only fans model

0 Comments
2024/03/15
02:04 UTC

0

Karma is a pimp, and we are all just hoes waiting to get slapped.

0 Comments
2024/03/15
01:03 UTC

3

"I may be schizophrenic, but at least someone talks to me."

1 Comment
2024/03/14
20:34 UTC

24

Turn a regular sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.

2 Comments
2024/03/14
17:19 UTC

0

Wonder what happened to that orchestra Woody Allen did in A minor...

1 Comment
2024/03/13
21:02 UTC

0

A dog may be a good friend, but a cat will never tell where your weed is

7 Comments
2024/03/13
16:06 UTC

0

Was Einstein an Ein Stein half full or Ein Stein half empty kinda guy?

4 Comments
2024/03/13
14:51 UTC

8

I had a dinner date with a taxidermist at his place and boy, did I get stuffed.

2 Comments
2024/03/13
13:21 UTC

7

Obviously, I love flying to the beach - it’s plane to sea.

1 Comment
2024/03/13
08:43 UTC

0

The Mime show was so great, it left me speechless!

0 Comments
2024/03/13
03:31 UTC

0

In flight a near miss isn't a miss at all.

3 Comments
2024/03/13
01:18 UTC

17

A Starbucks barista was murdered, the suspect is still at venti.

1 Comment
2024/03/12
23:36 UTC

0

Always hike with a fat person; they'll be the one that feeds the bear.

8 Comments
2024/03/12
18:18 UTC

34

My life coach just informed me that I didn’t make the team.

3 Comments
2024/03/12
13:27 UTC

0

Mixed greens is like if she hulk and the grinch had a kid.

0 Comments
2024/03/12
06:53 UTC

11

Today I Learned what TIL stands for.

5 Comments
2024/03/12
04:53 UTC

14

The fact that no one has tried to deep fry potato salad has really made me question American ingenuity.

5 Comments
2024/03/11
23:05 UTC

14

If you drink enough rum, both you and the rum get drunk

5 Comments
2024/03/11
20:54 UTC

23

I was so sure my ear was blocked, I was definite.

1 Comment
2024/03/11
10:44 UTC

0

Einstein was relatively revealing.

0 Comments
2024/03/11
01:33 UTC

0

Oppenheimer was da bomb!

0 Comments
2024/03/11
01:21 UTC

3

Dyslexics are teople poo!

1 Comment
2024/03/10
19:42 UTC

496

I can’t believe how rude the suppository helpline was.

45 Comments
2024/03/10
17:38 UTC

0

Celine Dion awesome one-liner

0 Comments
2024/03/10
16:07 UTC

38

If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name, it'd be in the lyrics of "Old MacDonald's Farm".

2 Comments
2024/03/10
09:24 UTC

16

Urology is the number one job for me

3 Comments
2024/03/10
06:28 UTC

0

If you want to make Kielbasa, you gotta smoke Pole sausage

2 Comments
2024/03/09
23:53 UTC

11

Origami is like Kama sutra for paper products.

2 Comments
2024/03/09
19:17 UTC

0

Everything comes to he who accelerates

0 Comments
2024/03/09
17:01 UTC

7

If you can't laugh at yourself. You've got no mirrors in your house.

8 Comments
2024/03/09
16:56 UTC

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