/r/Jokesuncensored

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Just because it's uncensored, doesn't mean anything goes - it needs to be funny.



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Jokes must be in English or provide a translation you fuckin dipshit! This is an American website, we don't speak any other language!


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/r/Jokesuncensored

32,312 Subscribers

2

Feminine products

I hate buying feminine products! How am I supposed to know if this is the right kind of broom or not?

0 Comments
2024/04/21
12:30 UTC

1

Cowboy

There was a cowboy who went to the outhouse. He heard a noise, so he looked inside. Lo and behold, there was an Indian down in the hole. The cowboy said, “How long have you been down there in that awful hole?” The Indian replied, “Many moons.”

0 Comments
2024/04/21
12:28 UTC

7

It's a known fact that girls mature faster than boys:

Girls get boobs around 13 years of age, and boy don't get boobs until about 40.

1 Comment
2024/04/20
21:44 UTC

15

Very organized crime

0 Comments
2024/04/19
20:33 UTC

5

What do you do when you spill half a bottle of Jack Daniel’s on your good shoes?

Polish it off.

3 Comments
2024/04/17
02:21 UTC

12

A Chinese couple just gave birth to their newborn, but it came out black.

They agreed to name him Sum Ting Wong

6 Comments
2024/04/16
06:15 UTC

9

A woman, “Can I ask what your crime was they put you in prison?” A man, “I killed my wife.” The woman, “Good—so you are not married.”

3 Comments
2024/04/13
13:24 UTC

12

Wish Mountain

Legend has it, if you climb to the top of wish mountain, jump off the top and make a wish, you will turn into what you wish for. This group of 3 friends heard about this and decided they wanted to give it a shot… they make the long trek to the top and the first friend jumps off and yells “Eagle!” And turns into an eagle and flys away. The 2nd friend takes a couple steps back, runs and jumps and yells “Hawk!” And turns into a hawk and flys away. The last friend wants to get a really big running start, starts running full speed and then trips on a rock right at the edge and yells “Shit!”

1 Comment
2024/04/13
06:22 UTC

7

What kind of bear eats elephant poo?

Poo Bear

3 Comments
2024/04/12
20:51 UTC

3

What happened when the balloon man kissed the balloon woman?

Her foot popped

1 Comment
2024/04/12
20:51 UTC

4

My friend, Midas is a bit of douche sometimes

But deep down he's got a heart of gold

0 Comments
2024/04/12
20:49 UTC

7

The hunter

Deer Hunter A sportsman, and father of 3 sons, was anxious to share his latest kill with his family for Sunday dinner. He didn't want his sons to refuse tasting the delicious venison, so he sat the boys down to dinner without telling them what the meat was they were about to eat. "Oh come on Dad," said the oldest son. "What is this meat?" "Just taste it," said the father, "You will love it." The boys eyed each other nervously and put a piece of the meat on their forks. "Give us a little hint.", pleaded the second son. "Only if you take a bite.", said the father. As each boy took a cautious bite of the venison, the father continued, "Let me think, your mother calls me this from time to time."

The oldest boy shouted, "Spit it out boys, it's asshole!"

0 Comments
2024/04/12
12:36 UTC

9

Bad design

How do you know the human body was designed by an idiot?

Who else would run the sewage treatment plant through the entertainment district?

0 Comments
2024/04/12
01:52 UTC

21

Did you hear what couple finally got back together?

O.J. and Nicole

6 Comments
2024/04/11
19:30 UTC

8

Why did the cowboy shoot the postitute that he was in love with?

He wanted to bang her hole-heartedly

3 Comments
2024/04/10
13:50 UTC

6

What do you say to a smelly, dirty, wish-granting, supernatural being?

"Hi Genie!"

2 Comments
2024/04/09
10:27 UTC

15

Drugs can make a whole new you....

A lady calls her doctor and says "Doc, I need to talk to you about one of the medications you've put me on." The doctor asks, "Which one?" She said, " The testosterone." The doctor says, "Before you get all upset, women need a certain amount of testosterone in their systems." She tells him, "That's not the problem. You see, I'm growning hair in places that I shouldn't be." Couriously the doctor asks, "Where would that be?"
She tells him, "On my balls, which is something else we need to discuss!"

0 Comments
2024/04/09
05:06 UTC

16

What’s the difference between an atom and a hormone?

You can’t hear an atom.

4 Comments
2024/04/08
23:36 UTC

11

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?

You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit

0 Comments
2024/04/08
02:42 UTC

7

There's only one way....

A tribe of Indians is holding a man captive. He has been sentenced to die by the Chief. The asks if there's any way he can avoid being killed. The Chief tells him the is only 1 way. He has to go up in the mountains and fight the huge grizzly until one of them gives up. Then he has to f**k the ugliest woman in the tribe.

The man accepts the challenge and heads into the mountains. There is a young indian scout with him as a witness and to keep him from running away.

Two days pass and the man returns. He is bruised, bloody, and scratched. He can barely walk. He crawls his way to the chief and asks, "OK, where is this woman I'm supposed to fight?"

0 Comments
2024/04/07
21:48 UTC

9

Did you hear the joke about Oedipus and Midas?

Motherfucking gold.

0 Comments
2024/04/07
13:31 UTC

21

What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?

Full.

2 Comments
2024/04/07
11:42 UTC

5

Why did the hillbilly think it was ok to travel to Europe to fuck his cousin who lived there?

Because she was a ‘distant’ cousin.

0 Comments
2024/04/07
10:12 UTC

9

Why did the lady breast-feed on a “nude” beach?

She wanted a little son on her tits.

1 Comment
2024/04/07
09:52 UTC

8

Stroke indicators

First sign of a stroke for a man. His lover lubricates her palm....

0 Comments
2024/04/07
02:23 UTC

5

I had thoughts about being bisexual

But I couldn’t stand the thought of being rejected by BOTH men and women

0 Comments
2024/04/06
20:55 UTC

6

My Girlfriend's pet name

I call my girlfriend Mayonnaise. She spreads so easily
However, My ex wife was peanut butter...

5 Comments
2024/04/06
16:37 UTC

47

Canoodling?

7 Comments
2024/04/06
05:47 UTC

7

Really sick day

Johnson has his wife call in sick to work for him. "What's wrong with him?!" bellows his jerk of a boss. The wife meekly replies "I'd rather not say..."

So he decides to investigate for himself. Drives over to Johnson's house, barges in, demands: "WHERE IS HE?!" Wife: "Well, he's in the basement..."

Boss storms down there to find Johnson huddled in a dark corner, shaking and shuddering in the fetal position in a cold sweat.

"WHY weren't you at work today, Johnson?! And I want a GOOD explanation!!"

Johnson replies shakily with a haunted look in his eyes: "Well sir, I went out with my buddies last night, and we had a little too much to drink...the next thing I knew, it was 3 A.M. and I was on all fours in my kitchen floor--blowing chunks !!" (collapses into hysterical sobs)

Boss (nonplussed): "That's ALL?? LOTS of people blow chunks after they drink too much!!"

Johnson leaps up, seizes the boss by the lapels, shakes him like a Britsh nanny and shrieks: "You don't underSTAND!! 'Chunks' is what we call OUR DO-O-O-OOG !!"

1 Comment
2024/04/06
05:03 UTC

2

Bears

What do you call a Grizzly that can ejaculate whenever commanded?

A cucumber!

1 Comment
2024/04/05
22:27 UTC

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