/r/Jokes
The funniest sub on Reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!
Welcome to /r/Jokes!
Please read our complete rules page before participating.
RULES
Jokes should be offered according to our list of best practices.
For explanations and examples, please read our complete rules page.
No reposts of recent jokes.
While reposts in /r/Jokes are allowed, they must meet all criteria for acceptance.
No bigotry, sexualization of minors, hate-speech, misogyny, or other unwelcome content.
Per Reddit's site-wide rules, unwelcome content is not allowed in posts or comments. Read more here.
No spam or spam-enabling activity of any kind.
Spam and spam-enabling activity is strictly prohibited, regardless of how or where it takes place. Read more here. Users may only submit three jokes in a twenty-four-hour period.
Adult-oriented media must be properly tagged.
Links of any kind are not allowed in posts. NSFW or NSFL content in comments must be appropriately tagged. Read more here.
Please keep your comments lighthearted and civil.
Remember to treat your fellow Redditors with politeness and respect. Repeated or egregious violations will result in bans.
Accounts must be in good standing.
Users with spam-like activity, spam-enabling behavior, or evidence of karma-farming in their histories may only post their own wholly original content. Accounts with very low or negative karma may need to seek manual approval for their submissions.
Comments must be original and contributory.
Comments in /r/Jokes must written (and proofread) by their authors, and they must be intended to entertain, inform, educate, inspire, or enquire. Unoriginal or non-contributory comments are not allowed. Frequent or blatant violations of this rule will result in bans. Read more here.
If you find certain comments or submissions here offensive, the best way to address it is with more speech.
Friends of the sub:
/r/Jokes
“Edible” underwear
You piss in a Eurinal
Because MInnie is fucking Goofy
Dr. Dre
Mechanicum.
A Flossiraptor
I felt a pang of conscience and told her: "I'm sorry if i offended you with the joke, i didn't think you'd get it."
“Does it smell like carrots in here?”
"I would like to make love to your soul."
"Awww, any time, that is so romantic." she smiled.
"Great.." I replied. "I think I'll start with your ar-soul."
Yeah, instead they had the Save-your-tooth Tiger.
My therapist: "For the last time, it's not a threesome when you use both hands to masturbate."
Femini-nom-nom-nom
A major stork in the road
My friend suggests:
Just say “sorry for your loss and move on”
Apparently, I wasn’t supposed to say move on.
Two young women were discussing their weekend, when one said, “I am so tired today. I didn’t get to sleep last night until after three.” The other replied, “Wow, no wonder you’re tired, twice is usually all I need.”
Everyone is weirded out,….but I’m a big fan.
Nope, unintended.
but it definitely grew on me.
Secretary: Doctor, there’s an invisible man in the waiting room.
Doctor: Tell him I can’t see him.
Apparently he was of no sniffiginance
They can leave you breathless!
A man approaches a woman wearing nothing but black boots and black gloves.
- Excuse me, Lady, - he asks, - but what is this costume supposed to be?
- Isn't it obvious? - She answers, - I'm Five of Spades!
You hate doing me but your parents wanna bring me back
The bartender turns to the second and says “tequila?” No, still water, he replies.
He finds a bottle and rubs it; out comes a genie. The genie agrees to grant him three wishes.
The Irishman says, "I've been walking on this beach all day. I'm thirsty. I wish I could have a mug of beer that never ends." Poof, a frosty mug of beer appears in his hand. He drinks it down and sure enough, it fills itself back up again.
So the Irishman drinks that mug down. And it magically refills. He drinks again; it refills again. By this time he's beginning to feel the effects, but the genie is also getting a big irritated. He's tapping his feet, looking at his watch, etc., and finally the genie says, "I got places to be. Have you decided on your other two wishes?"
The Irishman, staggering around by this time, looks at the mug as it fills up again, thinks for a minute, and says, "Yeah, just give me two more of these."
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Guess I’ll be super lucky in December :)
I don’t, but I do find them odd.
"Well for starters, you sick perverts should stop nutting on my feet", the receptionist replies angrily.
A traffic police officer stopped me
I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license and all just because of a stupid police officer...
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:
Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"
Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."
Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you see two lights in the distance. What is this?"
Me: "A car."
Officer: "Offcourse! But which one? A Mercedes, an Audi or a Ford?"
Me: "I have no idea!"
Officer: "So, you're drunk."
Me: "But I didn't drink anything."
Officer: "Okay, one more test -- Imagine, you drive in the dark on a highway at night, and there is one light coming at you. What is it?
Me: "A motorcycle."
Officer: "Offcourse! But which one? A Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley?"
Me: "I have no idea!"
Officer: "As I suspected, you're drunk!"
Then I started to get annoyed and asked a counter question.
Me: "So..., counter question -- You're driving in the dark on a highway at night and see a woman on the roadside. She wears a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes and only a bra as a top. What is this?"
Officer: "A prostitute offcourse."
Me: "Yes, but which one? Your daughter, your wife or your mother?"
Things went downhill from there and now I have a court date to attend...