/r/Jokes
The funniest sub on Reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!
Welcome to /r/Jokes!
Please read our complete rules page before participating.
RULES
Jokes should be offered according to our list of best practices.
For explanations and examples, please read our complete rules page.No reposts of recent jokes.
While reposts in /r/Jokes are allowed, they must meet all criteria for acceptance.No bigotry, sexualization of minors, hate-speech, misogyny, or other unwelcome content.
Per Reddit's site-wide rules, unwelcome content is not allowed in posts or comments. Read more here.No spam or spam-enabling activity of any kind.
Spam and spam-enabling activity is strictly prohibited, regardless of how or where it takes place. Read more here. Users may only submit three jokes in a twenty-four-hour period.Adult-oriented media must be properly tagged.
Links of any kind are not allowed in posts. NSFW or NSFL content in comments must be appropriately tagged. Read more here.Please keep your comments lighthearted and civil.
Remember to treat your fellow Redditors with politeness and respect. Repeated or egregious violations will result in bans.Accounts must be in good standing.
Users with spam-like activity, spam-enabling behavior, or evidence of karma-farming in their histories may only post their own wholly original content. Accounts with very low or negative karma may need to seek manual approval for their submissions.
If you find certain comments or submissions here offensive, the best way to address it is with more speech.
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/r/Jokes
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What do you call a biscuit that is more intelligent than you?
A smart cookie
08:39 UTC
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist says, "Sure, but do you have a prescription?"
The man says, No, but I have a picture of my wife at 20.
08:31 UTC
I was happy when the airline finally announced they were boarding my plane.
But then I saw them carrying out the boards.
08:06 UTC
If QSuite is the name of Qatar Airways’ business class, what should its economy class be called?
Qbasic
05:33 UTC
Did you hear about the gangsters who stole an entire crate of Viagra?
The police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.
05:05 UTC
"Science is Fun!"
Why did the atom break up with the molecule?
: Because it found out they were bonding with others!
05:00 UTC
Instead of security cameras, Indians mostly rely on neighborhood aunties.
Desi everything.
04:32 UTC
What's worse than a stinky skunk on the piano?
A diseased beaver on the organ!
02:06 UTC
Where do people park their camels?
At Camelot
01:23 UTC
Why didn't the hipster cross the road?
Because the other side was too mainstream!
01:20 UTC
A lawyer calls a plumber for help...
The plumber assesses the situation and says, "I can fix it today for $800."
The lawyer, surprised, asks, "How long will it take?" The plumber replies, "I'll need about an hour to get a part from the supply house and another hour to do the repair."
The lawyer, smirking, says, "Two hours for $800? That's $400 per hour! I'm a lawyer, and I charge $350 per hour!"
The plumber nods and says, "Yes, I understand. That's why I left my law practice."
23:52 UTC
Trumps next speach
Ladies and gentlemen, lend me your ears!
23:47 UTC
Patient: "Doctor, I am afraid of losing my leg"
Doctor: "Look, man, I am giving it to you in a bag. Whatever happens afterwards is not my problem."
23:46 UTC
I was out on a walk in the woods, when I found a weird pole with a basket and some chains. While I was looking at it, some guy started to scream “four” at me. I was so confused
Then it hit me
23:00 UTC
I’m giving up drinking until Christmas!
Sorry, wrong punctuation.
I’m giving up. Drinking until Christmas.
22:10 UTC
Two muffins in the oven
One muffin turns to the othere and says "it's getting hot in here".
The other exclaimed "oh my gosh, a talking muffin!"
21:26 UTC
Walmart paying the minimum wage is like Leonardo DiCaprio choosing a girlfriend.
They'd both go lower if it was legal.
21:00 UTC
Proposed new slogan for Crowdstrike
Redefining malicious compliance
20:23 UTC
My uncle was a professional in russian roulette
From all the time in his life he's only lost his last game!
19:51 UTC
What do you call a donkey with 3 legs?
A wonky.
19:08 UTC
A priest checks into a hotel
He asks the desk clerk, "I hope you have the porno channel disabled!"
The clerk responds, "We only have regular porno, you sick fuck."
18:15 UTC
What did Ebenezer Scrooge say when his computer wasn't working?
"Bah, dumb bugs!"
17:48 UTC
God calls Adam in the Garden of Eden…
…and tells him: “I have one piece of good news and one bad. Which one would you like to hear first?” Adam answers without hesitation: “let’s hear the good first, then the bad!” “Very well” says God, “you have been given a brain and a penis” “Wow thanks my Lord! This is very good news!” says Adam “and what’s the bad one?” “They don’t work at the same time”.
17:03 UTC
Urinal pantomime
When I use the urinal with other guys around I make it look like it requires both hands to tame this beast. In reality, this is a much ado about nothing.
16:39 UTC
What's worse than a lobster on your piano?
Crabs on your organ.
16:12 UTC
I recently sold my art for gas money
It's not much, but it makes my Van Gogh
15:55 UTC
What do you call a gay caveman
Homo erect ass
15:40 UTC
The World Porridge Eating Championships took place last week. The winner said victory tasted sweet...
at which point he was disqualified for not having salt on it like a proper Scot.
14:49 UTC
One of Britain's largest plastic surgery providers, has ceased trading. Customers said they were surprised.
Well, they had to say, you couldn't tell from their faces.
14:47 UTC
I was outraged when my local pub refused to serve shorts and half-pints
I told the landlord, the correct term nowadays is, 'little people.'
14:46 UTC