except politicians.

Because even AI can’t figure out how to be that useless and still get paid.

Guy: I just killed my wife, give me a beer and something strong

Bartender puts a Budweiser and a shotglas full of Tide in front of the customer

Guy: the beer will do, but Tide? This is a time for celebration, I am not trying to kill myself

Bartender: I am with you man, I just thought you needed to get rid of the blood stains on your shirt

I am thinking about getting a Tesla I hear they are a heil of a good time ….. changed my mind heard the full self driving is known for its Hitler and runs

Therapist, to me: What does she mean?

Me: It’s a feminine pronoun,

I said, no, we serve them fresh.

To avoid a civil war, the Zebra Council decided to take the issue to the lion, who, as king of the jungle, could decide the matter once and for all.

The lion held an extended session with the leader of each faction and then emerged to address the herd.

"After significant deliberation, I regret that I am unable to determine whether you are black with white stripes or white with black stripes."

As the zebra herd was expressing its disappointment, the lion continued.

"However, I can console you with what I did learn through the deliberations."

The herd grew silent in anticipation...

"Y'all are delicious!"

Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was assembling some loads for an upcoming hunt.

His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After along period of silence she finally speaks. Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns and boat.

Tim gets this horrified look on his face.

She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

”There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.”

"Ex wife!", she screams, "I didn't know you were married before".

”I wasn't

One might say he has an apartment complex.

They tend to drag on.

... When the husband stumbles upon an article about the sex lives of married couples and those in long term relationships. He reads about how, after a certain period of time, couples can fall into bad habits and patterns, primarily of which is a lack of communication - especially when making love.

"Honey," he begins. "This article I'm reading says that sometimes that couples can enter stages of not sharing what they feel during sex. Sometimes with women not telling their partners they've climaxed for whatever reason. Honey, you'll tell me the next time you have an orgasm, won't you?"

The wife looks up from her phone and gives her husband a loving smile. "I would," she says. "But you know I don't like bothering you at work."

I don't know what to say. I'm having a hard time.

After we finished having sex, she turned to me and said: "When you said you wanted to fuck me so bad, I didn't realize you meant literally..."

Whenever you solve it, it makes you do it over and over again until Shelley Duval is traumatized.

I wasn’t sure if he would see me, but fortunately he takes on all comers!

"Been drinking and gambling and fornicating again you deaf old stinky bastard" while taking the fur coat off the old Lord, bowing.

"Was in town indeed" says the old Lord, "and bought a hearing aid Johan."

Love means nothing to them.

Two guys in their mid-twenties are sitting at a bar having a beer.

One of the guys remarks to the other, “Boy you look really tired!”

 His friend replies,

 “Dude, I’m exhausted, my girlfriend wants sex all the time! Three, four, sometimes even six times a night! She wakes me up at all hours. I just don’t know what to do!”

 A fellow, in his seventies, is sitting a few bar stools down from them and overhears their conversation. He looked over at the two men, and showing the wisdom of his age says,

 “Marry her. That’ll put an end to that nonsense!”

Her bra size is “next time won’t you sing with me”

I said I’d love to but I’d rather use my penis.

I said: “How the hell do you smoke coffee?!”

Because they can’t use Outlets.

But it’s just WAY too hard.

In the non-friction section

The ending was inconclusive.

TeSSla

You know what they say. Heinzsight is 20/20

And did you know, not one of them had a complete chess set?

Because her Bulbasaur.

Epson didn't kill itself.

Is all the people walking around with a heart on.