and trailing behind him was a peculiar sight—a full-grown ostrich, its sleek feathers gleaming under the neon lights. The waitress, a sharp-eyed woman with a smirk that could cut glass, raised an eyebrow.

“What’ll it be?” she asked, pen poised over her notepad.

Without missing a beat, the man leaned back in his chair, exuding an air of mystery. “A hamburger, fries, and a Coke,” he said smoothly, before turning to his unlikely companion. “And you?”

The ostrich, who had an inexplicable air of sophistication, cocked its head. “I’ll have the same,” it said in a voice that was both confident and strange.

When the bill arrived—$9.40, to be exact—the man reached into his pocket. Without hesitation, he produced the exact amount, not a penny more, not a penny less.

The next day, they returned. Same order, same scene, same exact change pulled from the depths of his pocket. It became a routine—so routine, in fact, that the waitress stopped bothering to ask until one Friday night when the man broke the cycle.

“I’ll have a steak, baked potato, and a salad,” he declared, his voice carrying a touch of indulgence.

“Same,” echoed the ostrich, its tone unwavering.

When the check arrived—$32.62 this time—the man once again fished out the precise amount without so much as a second thought.

By now, the waitress’s curiosity was a live wire. She couldn’t hold back any longer. “Alright, mister,” she began, her voice dripping with intrigue. “What’s your secret? How do you always have the exact change?”

The man leaned forward, a glint of amusement in his eye. “Years ago, I stumbled upon an old lamp while cleaning out my attic. Turns out, it had a genie inside.”

“A genie?” she repeated, her skepticism tinged with fascination.

“Yep,” he said, his tone nonchalant. “Granted me two wishes. My first was that I’d always have the exact amount of money I needed for anything—be it a cup of coffee or a private jet.”

The waitress let out a low whistle. “Smart. Most people would just wish for a pile of cash.”

He shrugged, his expression sly. “Why settle for a pile when you can have a bottomless well?”

Her eyes narrowed. “And the ostrich? What’s its deal?”

The man’s smirk faltered, and he sighed, the weight of a decision made long ago hanging in the air. “My second wish,” he said, his voice tinged with regret, “was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.”

We had 6 matching balls.

MyCrow’sSoft.

With an itheberg.

She’s Smaller Abdul

Poor thing never even saw the truck coming.

No, I told myself... That's a salt.

One god orders a freshly cut pig, The butcher obliges, a cuts up a pig into strips of bacon

The first god says to the others, "I keep the pig as forbiden meet so I can have as much bacon as I want"

The second god orders a dead pig and orders the bucher to wrench out all its blood into a few glasses,

The bucher obliges, eventually the pig runs dry, the second speeks,

"Become wine." and thus the pigs blood becomes wine the second god speaks again,

" I don't think you can personally enjoy the bacon without the wine"

The third god begins to speak but before he orders the butchers speaks,

"And which part of the pig would you like"

The third god responds by turning into a pig and asking, "Cut up my flesh, and drench me dry"

The butcher responds, "Ay I rember you pyschopath wern't you the jesus One who ordered me to hang you on the cross, get out of here with you and your stupid kinks. And transform out of that stupid pig"

I asked at the library if they had any books on Pavlov and Schrodiger, they replied it rings a bell but didnt know if it was there or not

Because all the good ones Argon

Then, he jolts awake amidst his criminal case, confused, asking how he came awake here.
He was charged with battery.

The hedgehog won on points.

A thesaurus.

I still do but I used to, too ..

The real deal ;)

...ella

Every time you open a door, someone tells you to fuck off.

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man.

"Same," says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right..Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick

with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.."

With such a questionable economy happening, maybe we'd do ourselves some good by keeping our opinions to ourselves.

My step-dad asked why I buy vinyls, I told him "the same reason you cheat on mom, for fun!"

After the waters receded, Noah commanded all the animals to "Go forth and multiply".

The ark quickly emptied except for two small snakes, who stayed behind, and Noah asked them why.

“We can't multiply, we’re adders,” one of the snakes told him.

"I've got some good news and some bad news", the lawyer tells him.

"Well, I could use some good news, so let's start with that", says the dealer.

"Your wife has spent ten thousand dollars to purchase two pictures. She thinks she can get anywhere from ten to twenty million for the pair", says the lawyer.

"That's wonderful"! That kind of profit margin is unheard of!", exclaims the dealer. "What could the bad news possibly be?".

The lawyer takes a deep breath and lets out a sigh. "The bad news is they're pictures of you with your mistress!".

Mine can't see me any more.

Cause they save space by eating the carrion

I still do, but I used to too.

He calls out to the farmer, "excuse me, but how long until I reach town?".

The farmer looks up from his crops and just stares at the guy, not saying a word.

After what seemed like an eternity of silence, the stranger decides to resume his journey.

He gets a few hundred feet down the road, when suddenly the old farmer in the field yells out "twenty minutes!".

"Thanks", says the surprised stranger. "But why didn't you answer me when I asked you?".

The farmer responds, "cause I didn't know how fast you could walk yet!".

Don't forget to bring a Tao!

-Courtesy of my wife.

Because it takes all year to milk the eggs

They're always bailing on you...?

The pleaseiasaur