/r/Jokes

Photograph via snooOG

The funniest sub on Reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!

Welcome to /r/Jokes!

Please read our complete rules page before participating.

RULES

  1. Jokes should be offered according to our list of best practices.
    For explanations and examples, please read our complete rules page.

  2. No reposts of recent jokes.
    While reposts in /r/Jokes are allowed, they must meet all criteria for acceptance.

  3. No bigotry, sexualization of minors, hate-speech, or other unwelcome content.
    Per Reddit's site-wide rules, unwelcome content is not allowed in posts or comments. Read more here.

  4. No spam or spam-enabling activity of any kind.
    Spam and spam-enabling activity is strictly prohibited, regardless of how or where it takes place. Read more here. Users may only submit three jokes in a twenty-four-hour period.

  5. Adult-oriented media must be properly tagged.
    Links of any kind are not allowed in posts. NSFW or NSFL content in comments must be appropriately tagged. Read more here.

  6. Please keep your comments lighthearted and civil.
    Remember to treat your fellow Redditors with politeness and respect. Repeated or egregious violations will result in bans.

  7. Accounts must be in good standing.
    Users with spam-like activity, spam-enabling behavior, or evidence of karma-farming in their histories may only post their own wholly original content. Accounts with very low or negative karma may need to seek manual approval for their submissions.

If you find certain comments or submissions here offensive, the best way to address it is with more speech.

Friends of the sub:


/r/Jokes

28,134,137 Subscribers

0

What’s something only the rich could afford in the past that is now affordable by most?

Housing.

0 Comments
2024/03/26
02:44 UTC

5

My college roommate used to give us suggestions on what hallucinogenic drugs to take.

He was the original Trip Advisor.

0 Comments
2024/03/26
02:22 UTC

7

Why do pediatricians get so mad?

They have little patience.

2 Comments
2024/03/26
01:57 UTC

0

My friend got a new puppy so I asked if I could give it a stroke and they said yes...

Now it's paralysed on one side, has a droopy face and wooths.

1 Comment
2024/03/26
00:23 UTC

0

I work in a bed factory and me and some colleagues have started playing music together….

We’re in a covers band

1 Comment
2024/03/26
00:18 UTC

167

Deer hunter special

Some guy is in a bar and sees some attractive looking woman sitting there. Maybe 50 but with a killer body.

He buys her a drink. She asks him if he wants a deer hunter special.

He asks what that is. She says that her husband is away deer hunting for days. The deer hunter special is something she does during deer hunting season. It is daughter and mother sex with a stranger.

He says great and follows her to her home in his car. They walk into her house.

She yells up the stairs. "He ma, you still up?"

5 Comments
2024/03/26
00:09 UTC

35

Fighter: I must avenge my brother's death!

Bard: You can count on me!

Dwarf: You can count on me!

Necromancer: You can count on your brother!

2 Comments
2024/03/25
23:13 UTC

0

The other day my friend introduced me to his grandfather Gladys

As soon as we left the room he whispered to me "Terrible accident at the saw mill"

6 Comments
2024/03/25
20:34 UTC

419

My wife and I are both tightrope walkers

We met online

36 Comments
2024/03/25
19:44 UTC

77

What did the octogenarian pirate say?

Aye matey years old.

Don't blame me. Our conductor told it at a sea shanty concert this weekend.

15 Comments
2024/03/25
19:18 UTC

31

What do call a person who’s craving duck?

A quack head

12 Comments
2024/03/25
19:09 UTC

2

I only have a net worth of $0.02, but personally, I think that's all I need to be happy.

That's just my two cents.

4 Comments
2024/03/25
18:54 UTC

7

Beethoven's manservant

As the applause continued to thunder after the inaugural performance of Beethoven's Fourth Symphony, the maestro's manservant Heinrich helped him into his coat. "Congratulations, master!" he cried. "Another triumph! But where, if I may ask, do you ever find the inspiration for your work?"

"Why, from you, Heinrich!" replied Beethoven, with a cheery smile.

"From me? From a clod like me? A genius such as you is inspired by me? Master is pleased to jest!" Heinrich exclaimed, with a laugh. "Inspired by me, that's a good one! Ha-ha-ha-haaa! Ha-ha-ha-haaaah!"

3 Comments
2024/03/25
18:40 UTC

0

Alex: Hey, anyone up for a game of Knife Monopoly?

Sarah:
Michael:
Olivia:
Emily:
Alex: Oh shit I forgot. I won the last game

2 Comments
2024/03/25
18:38 UTC

6

What do you call a vampire that pulls goats out of its hat?

A chupacabracadabra

4 Comments
2024/03/25
18:23 UTC

7

What do you call a group of stinking corvids?

A murder most foul

4 Comments
2024/03/25
18:04 UTC

44

What’s a politician’s favorite restaurant?

Pander Express

7 Comments
2024/03/25
17:58 UTC

19

My wife breaks out into hives after sex

I think she has a nut allergy.

10 Comments
2024/03/25
14:56 UTC

54

A scat fetishist with a stutter was excited to attend her first play party.

She marked the date in her cacacaca calendar.

7 Comments
2024/03/25
14:49 UTC

572

Obscure history/biology joke I couldn't get out of my head, so I had to post it somewhere:

"I've invited you all to this press conference to tell you that my experiments in Parthian-genesis have proven highly successful."

"Professor, you mean parthenogenesis, right? Like in asexual reproduction?"

"No, I didn't mean that at all. Why would you think that?"

"But..."

"Anyway, I also invited you to warn that Rome has better improve its defences pretty darn soon."

55 Comments
2024/03/25
11:29 UTC

0

What did the therapist tell their patient in the ER?

I see you.

3 Comments
2024/03/25
10:58 UTC

198

The man who invented the Knock Knock joke is finally being recognised

He's getting a no-bell prize

20 Comments
2024/03/25
10:47 UTC

526

When I asked my pregnant wife what she wanted for dinner, she replied...

“No thanks, I gestate.”

49 Comments
2024/03/25
10:28 UTC

352

Cop: Are you on.....

Cop: Are you on drugs ?

Guy: Why would I sit on drugs ?

Cop: Have you taken any ?

Guy: Taken them where ?

Cop: I meant used drugs.

Guy: I prefer new.

19 Comments
2024/03/25
10:20 UTC

2

What do Icelandic fishermen and a person watching a herd of suicidal sheep have in common?

Both like woolly jumpers.

1 Comment
2024/03/25
08:52 UTC

64

How does a number feel after losing ⅓ of its value?

numb

13 Comments
2024/03/25
08:48 UTC

402

What do you call a game about running a sperm bank?

Need for Seed

76 Comments
2024/03/25
08:38 UTC

65

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday

He said it was the most violent book he’d ever read

10 Comments
2024/03/25
08:30 UTC

29

Why did the wind fail to topple the horse's house?

Because it was stable.

1 Comment
2024/03/25
05:00 UTC

15

Did you hear about the humorless ship captain?

He was very stern.

4 Comments
2024/03/25
04:47 UTC

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