i miss you so much baby, i really wish you were here but ik we need time apart. i want to hold you so bad every night i want to kiss you whenever i want. Hell i just want to be in the same room as you while you play xbox and i listen to music and scroll on my phone to show you everything funny i see. i miss your scent your warmth the cuddles your big beautiful eyes. oh how i miss your eyes i miss the way you’d look at me when i would act stupid to make you smile and laugh i miss being silly with you, i miss sleeping with you and waking up to you . i really wish you’d give me another chance i wish you’d change your mind. i really want to be in your arms so you could tell me everything is going to be okay. i miss you with all my heart honey, please come back to me💔

I just wanted to let you know how glad I am that we've gotten to know each other these last few years. From the very beginning, you've always made me feel more welcomed than I ever could have hoped for. The way you wave to me whenever we see each other has never failed to make me smile on even the worst of days. Your presence is beautiful. Your vibe is contagious. Your intelligence, and your style, and your humor, and everything, big and little, that makes you who you are, are all things that have brought me joy. I know you will carry these parts of you with you through the rest of life, and find so much more as you continue to grow, and I hope you carry me with you as you do. (Seriously, take me with you; I need to get out of this place.)

Even though nothing much may have come of my feelings towards you during our first year working together, with you being a cool intimidating high-schooler and an absolutely awesome person, and me being an awkward kid straight out of middle school–and despite nothing again coming out of the crush I grew on you towards the end of this last summer and on into the first couple months of this school year (you did know about that one, right?)–even though you found with someone else the happiness I hoped we could find together, nothing makes me happier than the fact that you are happy, and I will regardless forever be grateful for the company, friendship, and absolutely incredible inspiration you have given me.

I wish you nothing but the best in life going forward. Not because that's what you deserve, which it is, but because that's who you are. You're the best, [name], and I know you will have the best people and opportunities drawn to you because of it, and you will make the best of it all, because that's what you do. Every moment we've spent together has been a moment I will carry with me forever, through every challenge and every victory, and I hope I may have played a similar role in you being where you are today. Not that you needed me, but I'm always here for you if you ever do. I'm so proud of you, [name]. Now take those gorgeous green eyes of yours and go do great things.

Our last time seeing each other haunts me. It was a doomed romance, and I knew it - - a day that was supposed to be our two-week post break-up meeting as purely friends, turned into a night of love. And for what?

Why did you tell me you'd see me again afterwards? It's been almost 2 months and you've not even sent me as much as a single message. Why didn't you say goodbye if you knew it would be the last time you planned to see me? It would make sense, given how you held my hand while I slept (I was awake).

When I'm in the city, I feel as if I'm going to see you there by chance. Sometimes, I travel towards your area, just to increase the probability that maybe I'll find you.

I'm starting to forget what you look like. I'm starting to forget the sound of your voice. I'm scared.

When it's too late, they always bring up how you are giving up so easily and imagine the things that you will miss out not being with them anymore.

It is a scary thought to go from having someone as part of your daily routine but apart from that you can do anything by yourself. What are you actually missing out on? Their lack of effort? Their inability to express their emotions? The bare minimum? Another girls/guys name that you will find on their phone the next day they promise you that they will change and be better?

Staying is asking for your heart to be broken. Staying is giving them greenlight to hurt you even more. Maybe for once, put yourself first.

Seriously?

Let's just say I saw the post of the flowers-- I don't know if that was to get a response out of me, and I don't want to put more thoughts beyond this post but if it's true? I've been tight-lipped about what happened and hesitant to say ANYTHING because I believed you to be a good person.

The timeline I have in my head points to the worst possible situation. That was your intention of going on that trip? You looked for excuses, reasons, ANY reason to make you feel good about your actions and paint them as justified.

I won't jump into conclusions but this makes me glad for the end. You talked a big talk but can't run forever.

My feet wander through the fresh leaves. Walking through the morning fog. The sun occasionally peaks through the leaves to warm my face. Fresh scents, beautiful colors, everything radiates around me. I'm happy really happy.

The realization that you also exist somewhere at this moment slowly sinks in. You are, somewhere not very far from here, existing. Just in the way you are. You’re existing and that should be enough for me.

I walk steadily. The thoughts only disappear through what I’m experiencing here and now. They will soon have to disappear. but not yet, no not yet.

Only here can it exist. Only here, where one can understand what it feels like. Here where I don't have to explain anything, Wherever it can be.

But it was so worth it. I will always have respect for you for being honest with me. I’ve gained so much respect for myself for saying the quiet part out loud. Knowing for sure you don’t feel the same before I mistakenly gave you my body feels so liberating. You may think sleeping together would be alright until you feel for me too, you might think I’m being childish, but I know that’s bs. If you don’t feel it now, sleeping with you won’t change a thing. If anything it’ll probably ruin any real chance of you ever having true feelings for me. But that’s none of my business. Time to focus my energy on someone who really wants me…

The offer is gone; now you are back, and your kindness begins. What do I make out of this new change? I miss the old you, but I know I'll never receive it again...so, what's the promise now?

Maybe one day, I'll know. For now, I'll cherish your words deep within me. Please keep going...

I’m being tortured on a property that I have consistently complained about. Stalked by the same person and I have no way of getting him away from me. Now, he has full access to my phone, AGAIN. There has to be a better way. Oh, and I never consented 😀🤣. This is some crazy torture. I’m literally in so much pain, again. For sure a level 8 or 9.

Do they scan brains from a room nearby? Because I can literally feel it and I never consented to this. So, whatever cult kidnapped me, I want to go home now.

Ok so I am giving you 12hrs to say something like you want me around. Or fuck say anything. Btw get your own Netflix. Tomorrow at 0600hrs I will block you completely. I will also block private callers I will never speak to you again. So if that’s what you want just don’t reach out. The clock is ticking and this is my pivot point. I have another girl lined up to take my mind off you. You have not been a good person. You are a compulsive liar. I love you and always tried my best to help you only to be burned every time. This is it speak now or never speak again. Coon

I heard you’re getting married. I know I’m a distant memory at this point but I want you to know I’m happy for you. I hope the life you two build is beautiful. Tonight I went out and got drunk with my friends. I’m celebrating my whole life ahead of me. I’m free and you fell in love. Happy Halloween.

I've been warned, I know you wanted to hurt me, I saw you smile sadistically about what you'd done to me while making yet another weird play. Cornering me to gloat like the bully you are.

But I still dreamt you were that other guy last night. You know, the one that was kind to me but doesn't exist? 😔 You called at one point, trying to meet up. You didn't know what to say so you just kept saying um in a glitchy voice. I told you that you were a good person, you said you could "risk" seeing me and I woke up suddenly. Ofc it doesn't mean anything. Just random dreams on something my mind doesn't want to accept isn't a mystery anymore.

There is a chill in the air. The spirits are there watching. I have sung the songs and danced the dance but still I feel the cold. The warmth is fleeting. The season has just begun. I wait for a sign and measure the time in my hearts very beating. Longing to go but meaning to stay as I make my way. I wonder at life and go through strife hoping to see the day. The Gods watch on as I dance along waiting for a meeting. Of two hearts and two souls searching for roles in each other's lives. Broken pieces mended with care, first individually, then together. Hope is the flame and only the Gods know the way. So until that time, I will dance in time with this broken but beating heart. I will pray for the day that I find my flame. Til then I will feel the cold.

You keep reaching out, saying you miss me and think about me every day. But all I feel for you now is anger, resentment, and hate. I don’t use that word lightly, but I hate everything about you—the misery you brought into my life, and the person I became because of you. You still don’t seem to understand even a fraction of the pain you caused. I’ve worked hard in therapy, made real progress, but every time we talk, you try to tear me down again. I won’t let you, or anyone, treat me like that ever again.

You have the nerve to claim you gave me a good life, but all you did was bring me pain, insult, belittle, cheat, and leave me broke. I hate that I sacrificed my own happiness and dignity to try and make you happy. I’ve never felt so much pain, never been mistreated like that before. I hate myself for allowing it and for doing things I regret just to keep you satisfied. I honestly believe you only reach out to keep hurting me, because I can’t see any other reason. Why can’t you just let me go? Why can’t you understand that all you bring is pain?

I loved you deeply, and you treated me terribly. I know I’ll never be the same, and I may never forgive either of us for what happened. I’m broken, and I’m sure that makes you happy. Don’t bother with the tears—I know they’re not real. Why cry when your words show how little you care?

You have the nerve to claim you spent hours in therapy with me, as if that meant anything to you. It was clearly meaningless, because the next month, you cheated on me, and soon after, you were talking to the same woman who always made me feel insecure. I’ve finally come to realize that you never truly loved me. You say I play the victim, but the truth is, I was a victim of your abuse and mistreatment and lies. I hate you and I want you as far away from my life.

My bed feels empty tonight. How can I ache to have someone beside me when no one’s ever taken up that space? I wish it were you. I wish so deeply to open my eyes and see your shape outlined beside me in the darkness. You’re so far away, so tonight I’ll lie here, letting the empty sheets keep me company. Someday, someone will fill this space. And maybe, just maybe, it’ll be you.

You admitted someone else is on your life.. i appreciate the honosty.. maybe i deserved it.. either way that was it! You tried saying they were only words and god this and that tryna take it back.. thank you for closure… Court dates coming and its going to be harsh.. goodluck thanks for your honosty.. i do not love you anymore.. bye

You were my world for 10 years and we lived together for 4. I wish I didn't do and say half of the things I said. And for that I'm sorry. I wish you would believe me when I say this. But you got me in major trouble for no reason at all. You seem to think I deserve it and you justify it. All over money ? Yes I know I wasn't the best, but you said multiple times you never wanted a relationship, that it was just a roommate situation and FWB. So I went out and did my own thing. You got mad and jealous. I'm not sure why since you said from day one you never wanted a real gf. Now we are not living together and you tell me you want a real relationship. Like what I never counted? I was just a thing to you? If you would have said this from day one, I would have not done half the things I did. I did and still love you. I always will, but now your actions are pissing me off. You talk to me only when you want you, ghost me other times. I told you when we first met I was a difficult person and had bipolar. I wish you weren't always glued to the PC playing your games. I wish you would have taken me out just once. I wish we would have gone through couples counseling. I wish you would have told me you wanted me. I was there with you through finding a job and the dental stuff. I feel like I never was enough for you. I was always begging you to look at me, see me. Was I not satisfying enough in bed? Yes I know I did some crazy f* up crap. And we probably won't ever live together again, but if we keep meeting up for sex I want an honest conversation, not just an OK. You know I need a more validated answer,but you never give it to me. I think you like to see me pissed off. Am I crazy probably, but in this sick sad world I want another chance, even after all the things you've done to me, I still want another chance. You know we fit well, but if you won't have a conversation with me and are just using me for sex, and keep ghosting me, I'm not doing it anymore. I'm 42 I want to settle down I thought you were it.

Im drunk and today I realized I don’t remember your laugh. Or what car you drive. I dreamt of you about a week or so ago, but i remembered what I didn’t remember tonight. Happy Halloween.

I've left relationships before, I've left relationships in nonmonogamy before. I'll admit I'm rarely the one with a broken heart, something I have been working on for many years in therapy, but the depth of my pain has surprised me.

I always maintain control over myself and my surroundings but I love letting go with the right people and places. I've alwags been told I am a good Domme and I do try. I try to learn, grow, nurture, accept criticism and improve my skills. I try to love in the ways I am capable of, while always being forthright and consensual with my limitations.

You and I, my little one, we went too far. We moved from our dynamic into being girlfriends and something broke away. It felt right in so many ways and I pondered my future with you constantly. How could I weave you into a life I planned decades before I met you? With only a few years to go until retirement you enraptured me from the moment I met you. I was drawn to you, we became obsessed together. I turned 37 a few days ago and not having you on your knees infront me as you have been for big moments before ~ leaves me aching.

I think I made the right decision to let you go. I so believe you need and so deeply deserve a committment that I can't provide for you. You deserve your garden, your farm, your creatures. I love you but I don't love you in the way that you should be loved.

I often wonder if we had remained in our cage, kept our dynamic as it had been so happily for so many years if we would still be deeply, lovingly entwined in the best dynamic I've ever known. You are the last I will ever collar. This has been too much, too hard to let go of. Losing your touch, your trust and devotion, losing my friend....its raw and so awful.

I love you so much and miss you every single day. Its been almost 5 months now and a dozen emails or so in exchange, so I know you are okay. It's too awkward, painful. I want it to all suddenly be okay but it can't ever be okay. We aren't us anymore and it's really hard to acknowledge that truth.

That constant ache will go away and I wonder if when it does if I'll miss that too?

నేను ఇంకా ఎన్నాళ్లు ఈ నొప్పి ఓర్చాలి?

నీ వలపు కాకపోతే, నాకు నీ తోడు మరి నీ నేస్తము కావాలి।

నాకు ఇంకొక్క సారి నీ అందమైన ఇగిలింత చూడాలని ఉంది మరి నీ నవ్వు వినాలని ఉంది।

It's approaching us quickly. The only ref I can come up with for this date is from V for Vendetta, with Natalie Portman, I think isn't it?

Nevertheless, thoughts of you have calmed down substantially. You might have noticed I stopped trying to reach out or send emails to you. You still have me blocked, I know this bc your Fb profile is still active. I'm sorry for blowing up your inboxes all those times and ultimately leading you to delete your main account on here. Truly I am.

I hadn't written here in awhile so, I got a wild hair and decided to drop a line. (Obviously I know you don't frequent here, so there's no chance you'd read what I'd have to write).

Several tags I always look up are coheed, your name, my name, and mostly band names that were significant to our history. Just get bored some days and honestly wonder how you're doing and all. I had been doing this for years, never to reach out or cross any lines not needing to be crossed, then wala! One Day I decide to send you a message on messenger. Foul play on my part, I didn't realize how strong my feelings for you still were, then I did and it scared the holy hell out of me. Whoops!

This is about all, nothing new going on with me, just hoping you're well and yours are well.

Until next time my dear, not sure what you could be deemed as other than a pertinent ex in my life.

Love Always,

😉😊🤷‍♀️🤌

Hey, A.

I just wanted to wish You happy birthday! May this and every day afterwards would be full of joy and pleasures. And thank You for being here, on this soil: everywhere you go, places, thanks to You, become brighter and warmer. Thanks for spreading kindness around.

I wish I was as brave as you are and would contact You in real life. But here I am.

Hoping that You are feeling well.

Missing You,

V.

Yeah with all your lies and crap you have done to me and our daughter I dont find you attractive anymore. And if that kind of person is your type now I didnt loose anything really. It just shows more of how you are shallow, a hallow shell of a person. And how you were never who you presented to be. You always wore a mask. Always lied. Hid stuff. And even after the fact cause issue drama, more lies, more abuse. Yeah no being back there tonight solidified it for me. I made the right choice. And it was never supposed to be you. Good luck in life I still dont trust or like you. And honestly she could have more respect around our kid and I. But you chad of a man, cheater whatever other label, its clear where your priorities are and whats actually important to you. Its not our kid. And thats the sad thing above all else in this. Peace dude Im glad we ended✌️

The dreams are finally starting to slow down. At least for the time being..

Last night, I dreamt of you. I'm writing about this one because the past 14 days have just been unhappy and miserable ones.

In this one, we were on our way to a date. But somehow, we were in Asia. Singapore or maybe Bangkok, not sure. Hot, humid but lively, loud and extremely thrilling and electric. As usual, I got ready way ahead of you. But as is in real life.. "was", rather.. I sat down on the couch and watched you. Make up - mascara that pumps your eyelashes up and reinforces how hard your eyes pierces through me, deep red lipstick that mesmerized me ever so fiercely and those dots on the sides of your eyes that can hypnotize a fucking dinosaur. Your hair - big, raven colored, curly just the way you know drives me crazy and the scent that just makes you go "ahhhhhhmmmmm" when it hits your nose. The dress....... "looks nice on you still and it always will." My God, do you ever wear them things. Black, long, velvet with a bit of sparkle to it, streamlined to conform to your perfectly slender body. Hugged your hips thoroughly but appropriately. Of course, you wore no underwear and you made sure I caught a small hint. The shoes - even in my dream, you still were thinking of your "just made the cut in height" king. A modest 2 inch heel so as to not tower over me. You know I'd fucking climb you either way, my long legged queen. On your skin, Lempicka coming from every inch of you and it made me drunk. Oils and lotions smelling like it came from only the most exotic corners of the world. Transports you to a magical paradise with one whiff.

I wait a long time to see you and the final product. In my dreams and in reality, I'd wait hours for you. I know you love when you get to see my reaction but God if you only knew how you look in my eyes. It was a great dream. First one in a while. That's all I've got now. I love you to... and back.

Irretrievably yours, B.

I took the advice of someone on here who meant well. I unblocked her, we spoke, and immediately saw each other. Her son is the most precious child I've ever seen. For some reason, he wants to come live with me. That doesn't matter...

Months ago we had it set up that she would move in with me, we would make a go at this relationship that we both wanted, or so I thought. About three weeks from when she could move in, she disappears for two weeks. This made me not trust her. I gave her back her things (which were stolen immediately after) and left a trite little message about how it was alright and I understood.

Flash to Tuesday, she texts me. She said that I had asked for a do over, for us to meet up while she was in town with her son who was having dental work done. I was in disbelief. Surely I wasn't getting what I wanted. To hold her hand. To be hers and she mine.

Her ex had sent a lewd picture of them together, and that just....took the wind out of my sails. I couldn't un-see it. I finally had the courage to tell her that THAT was what put me off. That was what made me run.

The next day, I get a message on another platform from her ex. This time, I do not read it. It all makes sense, suddenly. He was reading our conversation. He was sitting next to her. It was a sick game with a sicker goal.

I knew in that instant that I had been wearing rose colored glasses for a while, when it came to her. He didn't send those. She did. And she was back, to make me suffer.

That was when I knew. I had fallen out of love, with her. She only wanted to punish me and to comfort herself.

So, if you read this, and this story sounds familiar to you, know that I know. I've had enough. You sicken me, now. How anyone could do something like that and pretend like they're a decent human being is beyond me.

All I'm saying is, if you have them blocked, if it didn't work out, if you just can't make it happen, there's a reason for that. Trust and honor yourself and your decisions. Don't play into dumb shit and make sure you don't have on those rose colored glasses.

I left her in that hell that she had created for herself. And there she will remain.

are you okay? one day i woke up and every tie i had to you was gone. we had been talking about you getting treatment and it was getting late so i fell asleep. i regretted that. would things have been different if i was there for you? that was really scary and i was desperate for awhile to find you again. i really regretted not pressing you for personal information when things were better. i hope you got help and just left me behind because i was bad for you.

i think nowadays i’m not in love with you anymore, but i’d be lying if i said i wasn’t still in love with the times i was with you. i really did want you and i wanted you to get better. it took me like 2 years to accept that i’ve still been looking at your replacements. to accept that it’s not just a weird preference. it’s not a preference at all. i’m happy i’m not weird but i still feel twisted.

i’m starting to be able to listen to the songs you introduced to me (only a couple seconds though) and the ones i introduced to you because i was hoping they’d convey my feelings about you when we first started talking. now they just remind me of you. they make me wonder what i could’ve done better. they make me hope that you’re happier because i know we really weren’t good together. i know now how messed up we both were… i mean our ages made a pretty significant fraction. i think being 18 now started unlocking some of the promises we made for when i reached the age. it felt so distant then so we rushed. it really wasn’t anything at all. i regret it so much, but i know it’s better this way.

i haven’t met anyone else with freckles, but i think i might have a crisis on my hands the moment i do. i still panic when i hear your name or any name that starts with the same letter. i’ve tried so hard to forget you, but i only realized now how much hiding you has left me longing for you.

i’ve moved on, but i still think of you as my friend. please be okay. i still cry when i think about you but it’s just because i’m scared that you’re dead.

It’s your birthday tomorrow. November 1st. I’ve been seeing the day get closer and closer reminding myself it’s coming up. It’s a date that will forever be burned into my thoughts because I regret not making your birthdays better. I will always wish I had another chance to do things right.

Youre 31 tomorrow and i remember when we met you weren’t even old enough to drink. 10 years ago on your birthday we went to old Wilmington in North Carolina. It was a perfect day. It was a quiet crisp fall day. There was no crowd and the bars we went to were empty. I remember holding your hand as we walked through the sloped streets. I never wanted that moment to end and I knew I had to go back to my training once it was all over. I remember you started getting insecure when you were drunk and you were doubting that I love you. I got so frustrated I yelled at you like a crazy person. It wasn’t ok. I ruined your first birthday with me. And it was the start of our toxic relationship. We both needed help so bad.

It’s been a whole year since you’ve blocked me and 3 since our relationship ended, but I think of you every day. You are the love of my life and that will never change. I wish you could see the person I’ve grown to be today. And I wish this growth came sooner before I failed you. I love you with all my heart and I hope we can talk again one day. Happy Brithday bubs.

You know. If T hadn't told me about your handfasting aka marriage, right. I probably would have had a whole different conversation with you that day. But. He told me because I'm sure he noticed. Anyone with eyes noticed. But have you noticed.

Oh God. I hope I'm not one of those, God she's annoying with her crush on me, kindof people.

Z, Its been 5 months. I moved on, but the urge to ask you how you are is big.

I miss the old times, the times that we had daily conversations. The moments we had conversations it lit up my day. I felt safe.

The result of feeling safe was getting to attached, exactly from now it is 5 months that we havem't spoken. I still can't forget about your face. Your smile. Your voice.

It is better this way since i was way in love, i hope i still can get that closing honest conversation where we are both honest with each other. Secretly i still hope that i see you in the metro or somewhere in public. I do not think that will happen.

I miss you as a person Z

I've been doing better. Crying less. Thinking of you less. Getting out more. Making new memories.

But I got pulled in tonight. Thinking of, since it's your favorite holiday.

Hope you had a good day. I actually did, for once.