Welcome to this month's Personal Accountability Thread! The purpose of these threads is to encourage people to set de-cluttering and/or cleaning and/or therapeutic goals for themselves for the month.

Participation in the monthly Accountability Threads is TOTALLY VOLUNTARY. You don't have to participate in these threads if you don't want to. I only ask that if you do participate, you post under the Reddit account that you use for this sub, as the whole point of this thread is to be accountable.

SPECIAL NOTES

• Are you under eighteen? Check out the MyCOHP Online Peer Support Group for Minors and Youth at MyCOHP.com. This is a group specifically for minors who live in hoarded homes.
• Are you facing an urgent situation and need to clean up by a deadline? Please see So It's Come To This: You Have To Clean Up For Inspection--A Guide for Apartment Dwellers Who Hoard for guidelines on getting rid of the worst of your interior hoard in time for an inspection.
• Maybe you've decided to discuss your hoarding tendencies with a health professional. If so, take a look at the U.K. Hoarding Icebreaker Form. Though certain information on this form is specific to people living in the United Kingdom, in general this is a fantastic resource for anyone having a hard time talking about hoarding disorder with a medical professional. This form can be used by someone who lives with the urge to hoard, or someone who lives in a hoarding situation.

Here's how it works:

1, The Accountability threads are for hoarders, recovering hoarders, and those of us working to manage our hoarding tendencies.

1. Set your own goal and announce it on this post with a comment.
2. Set your own time frame to meet that goal within the month (for example: "I plan to spend ten minutes cleaning up the kitchen counter by Thursday next" or "I'm taking this pile of donate-able items to Goodwill on January 10th" or even "Before the month is out, I'm going to talk to my SO about my clutter and why I think I do it.").
3. Feel free to make follow-up comments in this thread. You're also free to make separate posts with the UPDATE/PROGRESS flair.

• Please report back with your results within the month--that's the accountability part.

1. If you need advice or support as you work towards your goal, please post to r/hoarding--maybe we can help!
2. Also, don't forget to check the Wiki for helpful resources.
3. If you don't meet goal, post that, and try to provide a little analysis to figure out what kept you from meeting it. Maybe some of us can provide advice to help you over the hump next time.
4. If you meet goal, please share what worked for you!
5. Do yourself a favor, and START SMALL. You didn't get into this mess overnight, and you won't get out of it overnight. Rome wasn't built in a day. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Etc., etc.--my point is, it's admirable if you want to sail in and tackle it all at once, but that's a very, very tough thing to do, and not a recommended strategy. Big successes are built on top of little ones, so focus on the things you can do in under a few minutes.
6. Every time you accomplish something, take a moment to celebrate doing it. :)
7. Finally, PRACTICE SELF CARE. This is so important, guys. Give yourself permission to put your healing first. Quiet the voice that is telling you to do more and be more. Acknowledge that you’re doing the best you can, and it’s enough. And remember: looking out for yourself is not lazy or selfish! Self-care is necessary, important, and healthy! PRACTICE SELF-CARE!

How to get started setting goals? Recommended places to get ideas for goals:

• Unfuck Your Habitat. Their Weekly Challenges are a great place to find goals, as are their Basic Cleaning Lists. And if you have a smartphone, be sure to check out their mobile app, available for iPhone and for Android phones.
• Flylady.net and her 31 Beginner Baby Steps.
• PersonalOrganizing.About.com: How to Declutter Your Entire Home Going Room by Room - Declutter Your Home Room-by-Room at Your Own Pace.
• 40 Bags in 40 Days De-Cluttering Challenge: 40 Bags in 40 Days is a forty day period where you declutter one area a day. The official challenge runs annually and coincides with the 40 days of Lent, but some people find it useful to schedule the challenges for themselves during other times of the year. See here for details on the 2023 challenge.

Looking for a Decluttering Plan with a Deadline to Motivate You?

• The annual Lenten 40 Bags in 40 Days Decluttering Challenge (see below) started on Feb. 22nd, 2023. You can jump in and join it at anytime, or start it on your own date.
• One blog launched the 365 Items in 365 Days Challenge. Learn more about that here.
• There's many other 30 Day Decluttering/Cleaning Challenges floating around the internet. Find one that works for you!
• Does the thought of cleaning up in 30 days make you break out in a cold sweat? Take a look at the Slow and Steady Decluttering Method
• Want to jump in with both feet? Consider the Shock Treatment Declutter Method

You can also use phone apps to encourage you to tidy up:

• As mentioned, UfYH has apps for both the iPhone (listed as "Unfilth Your Habitat" to get around the iTunes naming rules) and Android
• Chorma - iPhone only. The app is specifically designed to help you split chores with the other person or persons living in the home. If you live with somebody and want to divvy up chores, definitely check it out.
• Tody - For iPhone and Android. VERY comprehensive approach to cleaning.
• HomeRoutines - AFAICT, this app is iPhone only. Again, android users should check out Chore Checklist (which is also available for iPhone) and FlyLady Plus (which is from r/hoarding favorite Flylady). These two apps are very routine-focused, and may help you with getting into the habit of cleaning.
• Habitica turns your habits into an RPG. Perform tasks to help your party slay dragons! If you don't do your chores, then a crowd of people lose hit points and could die and lose gear! For iPhone and Android. There's a subreddit for people using the app: r/habitrpg (since the name change, there's also r/habitica but it doesn't seem very active).

Finally, if anyone has any suggestions for improving the Accountability Threads, please let the mods know. Just shoot us a PM.

Good luck, everybody!

Make sure to read our RULES before you post or comment. Pay special attention to our required Flair options. And as COVID-19 variants are still in abundance, we urge you to read the post titled SAFETY & ACCESS DURING COVID-19 CRISIS after you review the material below. Thanks! The Mods

Welcome to r/hoarding! This sub exists to provide peer-to-peer advice and support for Redditors who live with the compulsion to hoard objects--commonly known as hoarding disorder--as well as the loved ones of people who hoard. We invite you to tell us your strategies and tactics that you've found helpful, share your struggles and concerns, or post your stories and see if our collective knowledge and experience can offer you a way forward. Feel free to contact the moderators if you have any questions.

Please note: this is a support sub. That means we take people at their word when they post, and do our best to provide the best gentle and accepting support that we can. Keep in mind that the mods may remove posts and comments at their discretion to preserve a respectful, supportive atmosphere in this sub.

If you've come to understand that you engage in hoarding behaviors, CONGRATULATIONS! One of the biggest hurdles in dealing with this disorder is realizing that you even have it, so acknowledging your hoarding is a significant accomplishment. For next steps, we recommend you review the following links from our Wiki:

• Asking For Help
• Getting Out of the Hoarding Mindset
• I Have Hoarding Tendencies and Want to Learn to Clean Up - How Do I Start?
• AD(H)D and Hoarding
• So It's Come To This: You Have To Clean Up For Inspection--A Guide for Apartment Dwellers Who Hoard: Even though it's written specifically for people in apartments, the info is useful for anyone with hoarding tendencies who needs to clean up quickly.
• There's many other Reddit subs that may be useful to you during your recovery journey. Be sure to check them out.

If you have a loved one who hoards, it's important to understand that hoarding is a complicated mental health disorder. It's therefore vital that you educate yourself on it before you attempt to help your hoarder.

• Start with this posts and the resources inside: I Have a Hoarder In My Life--Help Me!
• Check out the For Loved Ones of Hoarders section of our Wiki for possible assistance.
• r/childofhoarder is highly recommended if you're the child of a hoarder.

Please note that r/hoarding is NOT for:

• sharing and discussing photos/videos of hoards that you've come across. If you're looking for sub that allows that sort of discussion, you probably want r/neckbeardnests, r/wtfhoarders/, or r/hoarderhouses/.
• Issues related to Animal Hoarding. Due to the particular and unique challenges involved with animal hoarders, posts about animal hoarding belong over at r/animalhoarding. The mods are aware that r/animalhoarding doesn't have the activity that r/hoarding does, but their Animal Hoarding Starter Guide and the Guide For Dealing with Animal Hoarders can provide you a place to start.
• help with digital hoarding. r/hoarding is a support group specifically for people dealing with hoarding disorder, defined as dysfunctional emotional attachments with physical objects. While we're aware that there's a growing conversation among mental health professionals around the hoarding of digital files, we're currently not able to provide support for anything related to digital hoarding. We recommend instead that you visit r/digitalminimalism.
• a place to get legal advice about your hoarding situation. If you or a loved one are in conflict with a landlord over hoarding, are facing issues with your local city about hoarding, are looking to get guardianship over a hoarder, are divorcing a hoarder, or similar issues, you need to seek the advice of a local attorney.
• discussion of the various TV shows about hoarders. While we appreciate that the shows helped bring awareness of hoarding disorder to the mainstream, many members here find the shows deeply upsetting and even exploitative of people with the illness. To talk about the shows, visit r/HoardersTV.
• a place for you to get direct help cleaning up. We're just a support group. We don't have the ability to send people to your home and clean it up for you for free. If you need assistance, please check our Wiki for resources that might be helpful.
• a place for specific cleaning questions or questions about dealing with vermin. Questions about how to clean something belong over at r/cleaningtips, while question about how to deal with rodents, bedbugs, roaches, etc. should be posted to r/pestcontrol.

(Posting from a throwaway account)

I have two roommates with hoarding tendencies. Neither of them can turn down free stuff, even stuff they have no use for. They both do sentimental hoarding (including keeping the wrappers/packaging/boxes that something came in). One of them also keeps things that are broken and can't be fixed, even if they have no sentimental value and even if they don't belong to her. She has no reservation about keeping those things in common spaces.

One of them has her personal belongings slowly creeping out into the common spaces. Neither of them is aware enough of their behavior to be in a group like this (or to discuss with their therapists).

How would you deal with this situation if you were in my position?

Responses appreciated from both hoarders and family members.

My grandmother passed away back in July and the family wants me to move into the apartment. We realized that she completely hoarded out the two bedrooms. There’s barely any walking space. My aunt who was very close to my nana is still grieving and seems to want to keep a lot of things, like papers with any notes my nana wrote and some clothes, books and such. Can anyone give me advice about how to deal with the sorting of things? With the way things are going, it will take months to go through everything and clean.

I know that we have people in the property management industry (landlords, apartment managers, etc.) who sometimes lurk this group. This webinar is specifically for you and others in your industry.

From the event page:

(ICC CEU'S .4 HRS, PPID #2002)

Finding solutions for a hoarding situation in a housing unit can be like solving a puzzle. Finding the right pieces to match, knowing where to place them and seeing the bigger picture through all of it can be a daunting task for any life safety professional.

Greg Smith has over 20 years’ of experience dealing with hoarding situations on a professional and personal level. By sharing his experiences as a municipal inspector and personal relation of a hoarder Greg will help attendees find solutions to the ever-changing puzzle that is hoarding.

This class will provide attendees with:

1. A brief history of hoarding and case example.

2. Personal experiences of the speaker including case examples.

3. Clinical definition of hoarding, symptoms, causes and insight.

4. Best Practices including forms, processes and methods.

Tickets are $125/each. Register 5 or more and get $5 off per ticket. Click here to register.

From the event page:

Hoarding is a compulsive behavior that involves much more than keeping extra papers around. Explore the reasons people hoard, common symptoms of hoarding, and the impact hoarding has on both the individual and the family in this one-hour seminar sponsored by United Way of Central Iowa.

Fine print: Certificates of attendance are provided at no cost. CEUs are not provided*. Everyone who registers will receive the webinar recording 24 hours after the live event.*

Meet the Instructor: Jaymi Dormaier is a Licensed Master Social Worker with 10+ years of experience in the mental health field. In Jaymi's career as a social worker and therapist, she has worked with diverse populations focusing on anxiety, depression, grief, trauma, foster care, adoption, homelessness, and addiction. She is passionate about helping others live a life they love.

Click here to register for the webinar. You can learn more about the host organization, Mindspring Mental Health Alliance, here.

ive been compulsively collecting garbage in my bedroom and locking it in my wardrobe for 3 years

ive been away from home for two weeks now (im at my sisters), so how likely is it that my stepmom thought "im going to break open her wardrobe door to see what's inside"?

it stresses me out so much but at the same time i dont dare go home because if I see that wardrobe open it will be the end of me lol

I will admit that I hold on to alot of things and justify it because it has sentimental value. My 20yo and I, recently moved iinto my mom's home after her divorce to help her because she can't afford her home with only social security. I was shocked when moving day came and there wasn't any room made for us. My mom deals with severe depression but assured me she was cleaning up. Nope we have been here 2 months and all she does is stay in her room and sleep. I asked her to get help bc I'm not a professional. I tried to encourage her with small goals. She says this is who she is and will not change. Month 1 I tried to clean her kitchen but their isn't space to move things around so I can rotate dirty to clean. We only have enough space in the house to walk. Just a path to each room. I decided that I cannot help her and that I need to listen to what she is saying and accept that she will not change. In order to keep my sanity I've decided to move out once she moves in with her brother. I know she is sad to lose her home. I feel guilty for not being able to help. I stopped making cleaning a priority. I work from home so I'm here all the time. I've cleaned the things that are obvious hazards to anyone's health. She has 9 dogs and we came with 3. So everyday I feel like I can't take a step forward. Any recommendations for the time being?

I’m not actually a hoarder, but I am helping my parents clean their “storage room”. Basically just a room they have been throwing all of their junk into for the last ten years, But it’s basically what you see on tv. I’m hoping anyone who’s dealt with something similar has some cleaning tips…. It’s mostly just actual junk, I mean they definitely hoard things they don’t need. Like old busted furniture, broken tv’s, broken fans, soiled stuffed animals (years of dirt and dust and what have you.) it’s all bulky stuff that really poses an issue and can’t be salvaged. I can’t imagine the state of the carpet in there because it hasn’t seen light in a decade. So far my only idea is to order a dumpster but that would cost more than my paycheck. I really can’t do that under any circumstances. So far my mom recommended putting the furniture behind the shed and just putting it out one piece at a time when it’s garbage day. But what else can I do to move all this stuff out and just clean?

I don't understand why;as seen on the TV shows, that most hoarder's houses are full of literally garbage thrown all over the floor.

It seems that the people who suffer from the condition are just not guilty of having too much stuff,but of literally never cleaning up. I've seen episodes where they find human and animal feces under the garbage...dead animals,etc...bathrooms full of waste that runs to the floor,etc.

I'm not making a value judgement here...but is being that unable to clean up your living spaces considered part of the mental issues that probably most of us suffer from that leads us to having too much stuff?

I feel that if you have a lot of stuff;but have it organized and well kept...and you keep your house clean...It's a different level of hoarding. Maybe I'm trying to feel better about myself with my particular situation...No sense of superiority intended.

I was always too embarrassed to have friends over due to the clutter + home being half renovated. I always dreamed of throwing parties and felt so awkward never being able to even have a bday party at my house.

But now I have my own home & we have a guest bedroom. First person to stay over a couple days is coming tonight and I’m so excited. I basically prepped the room & bathroom as if it’s a hotel. Bf joked about it but I realized it’s a healing process for me and I love it 🥲

Good morning, everyone. I need tips on how to clean up my depression mess of a room. I've got ADHD and the crafting gene that runs in some of my family members. I also have my father's hoarding mentality. I want to free myself of all this mess and down size some to eventually move out of my parents. Almost all of my things are in a standard size bedroom. I wish for you all to give me any tips on decluttering and organization tips for the items I am keeping. I love ikea so if you have any ideas for items from there that would be fantastic. Hoping making my room an enjoyable environment will help with my weight loss, stress, and over all mental health. I know it's going to be a process since this room is filled with stuff ranging all the way back to middle school to now. Any help would be amazing!

32F— long time lurker, first time poster

Ive been struggling with the idea of whether or not I'm a hoarder (or if I'm just plain lazy). My house has varying degrees of messiness with my living room being the worst, and the guest bedroom being the least messy (but that's not saying much as the only use that room has ever had was me quarantining myself in there from when I had covid 6 months ago. I messed it up in there and never picked up.)

Although I told myself no more buying things until I clean up, but I impulse bought something for my kitchen earlier today. It comes in on the 5th, so I'm posting to keep myself accountable to get the kitchen cleaned up by the package's arrival date.

I took before pictures of my kitchen to motivate me and help me see the difference... Hoping to take after pictures when I've got it done. I've also made myself a little to-do list for this week. Any other advice would be much appreciated.

I've been hoarding due to anxiety fueled by ptsd regarding taking out my trash. I've been taking some out a lil at a time but it's still a lot. However, my issue is that one of the maintenance men in my complex is looking in my windows and reporting back to management. He told management he can help me take my trash out but I'm really uncomfy about the situation. So ive been taking trash out in the middle of the night when he is not here. I don't think it's ok for him to do and I really wanna move but I'm on a lease.

Where do I begin? My biological father passed away 3 weeks ago. We were estranged and we, my sister and I, haven't seen him in roughly 30 years. His father was a hoarder, probably level 3 (I've now learned there are levels) and I assumed he was going to be the same. I was wrong. I've learned my biological father is a level 5 hoarder, he wasn't using his bathroom.

*Graphic - Please stop reading if sensitive**

I'm in need of guidance. I have no idea where to start as I have a double biohazard situation on my hands as he passed in the house and was there for a while. The insurance company is paying for a portion of cleanup where he was found and that is it. But there is everything else in the house, the biohazard guy could only get into the kitchen and living room, he couldn't even get into the bathroom, bedroom, or basement of the property (approx 700 fsf each floor, 1400 total). As I understand it he wasn't using his bathroom for quite some time and there are bottles scattered throughout the house. They have exterminated the place once already to kill the bugs. But I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do. We have to try to find a will so we have to go through all the items in the house. Additionally I know we or a professional have to sift through all the paperwork as he probably has important items hidden within them. So, I guess my question to anyone who has been in a predicament like we're in, what did/would you do? Hire a company to sift through everything - and any range idea approximately how much that would be? or Do you do it yourself? And if you do it yourself how do you get rid of the smell of things?

Hi Idk if this is the right sub to ask for this but my mom has lots of cans that she saves our House eveytime I try to throw away the ones that are old and covered in roach feces she gets upset and says no or she can't "afford" to buy more food my mom saves these to help people who need them but I haven't seen her donate any of them yet also she keeps them for emergencys I guess I'm lucky is hasn't got really bad but I would like if most of this left our house is already full of stuff she doesn't use anyways and clutter so it's annoying ash I'm currently cleaning the kitchen rn (family coming over for the hoilday dinner)and ik she's just going to leave everything a mess it sucks I'm like a teenager and I have to clean after my own mom that she made a mess literally everything is covered in roach shit because she can't afford a exterminator..what can I do to at least convince my mom to take the cans out?

I'm sorry if my spelling or grammar is bad. Sorry in advance of how jumbled this is...

I have known for years that I hoard... I'm not sure how I feel on that word as my mom and siblings all used it in a bad way against me constantly. Everything I own is trash or garbage until they need something. Funny enough I normally have what they need and that causes them to not be as mean until the next time my room is brought up. I don't know if my hoarding is connected to this but I have memories of not having a say in what was thrown away when I was younger. I also know I have anxiety yet I have cried when I broke something that shouldn't be significant like a wax burner. I have noticed I am a sentamental or very attached horder but I really do want to change that. I should also say I have tried talking to my family about what they say or do but they don't understand and are still harsh about it.

So I guess my question is how do I go about helping myself? With my hoarding when I don't have any support or ways of getting professional help?

Reposting this cause I used the wrong flair before. I already deleted the old one. This is a report to all the ones who wish to understand how a person becomes a hoarder and how a relative feels about it, specially when there's nothing they can do anymore. It cleans my heart to write this. Advice is welcome, but is just a post to share a little of the burden. 🖤 Love to all!

I'm the daughter of a hoarder. My mom has been a hoarder for as long as I can remember. I'm Brazilian and I apologize in advance if the translation is not very specific. I'm using Reddit's automatic translator.

It's important to say that I haven't lived with my mother for 8 years. I'm married and I have my own house, I'm quite organized but without neurosis. I have a mess closet, like everyone else! I have a beautiful, clean and functional home. But I have the trauma of my mother's hoarding and everything I went through at her house. She still lives in this state.

The 1st house

Well then. A retrospective is in order here. Hoarding is a disorder that grows little by little, right? I only remember one house where there were no objects piled up. In that house, only my mother's room was a little messy, something we can only call disorganization.

One thing I remember is that the bathroom sink was full of perfumes of all kinds. It was beautiful, but when the perfumes ran out, she didn't throw the bottles away. I asked and she said it was because they served as decoration, because they were beautiful. It seemed reasonable.

The 2nd house

When we moved into our second house, when I was around 8 or 9 years old, one small room started to get really messy. Furthermore, my mother's room has become considerably worse. In the other house, she had a boyfriend who slept there constantly. Soon, the bed was clean. In this second house, Mom had already broken up with him and her double bed was filled with objects and papers. Mom slept on 1/4 of the bed, curled up, while most of the bed was taken up by other things.

She always had lots of shoes and lots of clothes. About 150 pairs of shoes. But these shoes were left thrown in the corners of the room, piled up, full of dust and catching the sun. She wore the same five or six pairs, and ignored the others. The clothes were crumpled in the back of the wardrobe, there were some that she didn't even take off the tags for. She never used it, but bought a bunch almost weekly. Clothes turned yellow and were eaten by moths.

When we raised questions about this, she became slightly irritated. Oh yes! It was me, her and my sister, who is five years older than me. The three of us lived. When my sister and I questioned her treatment of her own things, she always deflected and said that she had to buy a shoe rack, or that she had an idea for blouses, etc.

I never understood why buying shoes and more shoes and, in addition to not using them, leaving them to rot in a corner. Well, shouldn't they be organized and clean for use? We assumed she was messy and had plans for her things.

It's also worth explaining that my mother has always been depressed and has anger issues. There are several psychological disorders together. We believe she has bipolar disorder, but there is no official diagnosis. She goes to therapy, but lies to the therapists. He goes to the psychiatrist and refuses to take the medication.

Mom was always very aggressive with us and extremely dictatorial. I'm going to focus here on her accumulation problem, so I won't go into other questions about our creation. Suffice it to say that we were beaten for anything and had to do all the housework, as well as serving her food in bed. We had to bring her food on a tray, etc. She was occasionally nice and did things for us, but that wasn't the rule. Therefore, it was very difficult to confront her and make her realize that something was wrong in the way she lived her life. Our word wasn't worth much.

Another serious problem that Mom had was depression. I understand that accumulation is always a comorbidity, right? Mom always had deep depression. She couldn't take a shower every day; I live in a tropical country and this is the law here. She would go 4 or 5 days without bathing. She stayed in bed all weekend. She came home from work and didn't have the strength to put on her pajamas, she slept in jeans.

Therefore, as much as I suffered with her during my childhood and adolescence, I understand that she suffered and still suffers from serious psychological problems that impacted her relationship skills with her daughters (and with life). Forgiveness is something I work on daily. I love my mother and I want her to be happy.

Continuing: Mom's other serious hoarding problem was magazines. She always dreamed of having a well-decorated, beautiful apartment where she would welcome people. She bought a lot of decoration magazines, saying she would get references for her own home. Currently she has more than two thousand magazines stacked and thrown all over the house. She doesn't accept throwing them away and says she has to reread each one to cut out the references and make a panel for her home. Very good.

One time, a guy tried to enter the building. Mom got scared, and started sleeping on the sofa bed, pushing it behind the front door. She never slept in her bed again, which became a complete warehouse of random things. At that time, there were two compromised rooms: her bedroom and the storage room. It is important to say that she still has these magazines today. At that time I was around 10 years old. Now I'm 31.

3rd house (current)

Here the matter gets more serious. When I was about 15, Mom bought her own house. A beautiful three-bedroom, three-bathroom apartment with a penthouse. She decided to donate the dining table, chairs and furniture. She wanted everything new. She bought new beds for her, me and my sister. She renovated the entire house. She installed a swimming pool.

We had hope that she was reacting. But... She brought the trinkets. The house was filled with boxes. On the second floor there was a bar. It was clogged with damaged, moldy and old objects. The living room, which didn't have a table, was filled with bags of newspapers and magazines that she "was going to analyze before throwing away."

The kitchen cupboard was full of old things. There was the crockery she bought when she lived in Europe with my father. There are French and Japanese crockery. They are among the damaged things, in some box in the house, and we are not allowed to touch them. She says she'll wear it "on a special day." She uses plastic plates so she doesn't have to use normal dishes and avoids washing dishes.

Until about 7 years after buying this apartment, we ate in bed. We had nowhere to sit to eat. Every Saturday morning we went up to the penthouse and listened to her panacea, her dreams and thoughts about what she wanted to do with the house and her life. The next day she was lying in bed and hoarding again. She never put into practice what she did.

In 2012, my sister left home for her first marriage. Her room became the storage room. There were things on the floor ranging from discarded old photos to an empty chocolate box, which she said she "saved to make an ornament she learned about in a magazine." I was forbidden from trying to fix it.

I managed to keep the rest of the house as much as I could. I couldn't throw anything away, but I could clean and organize as much as possible. My sister came home briefly in 2014, then left again. What had been tidied up was accumulated again, but worse. A mountain began to form. So I left home to live with my boyfriend at the time, my current husband, in 2016. My room was full.

Her room was the same as always: things accumulated in the corners, new clothes being destroyed by moths, objects on the bed. However, a new illness note was added. My mother never had the strength to clean the house. We were forced to do all the chores and she occasionally washed the dishes, at most. And always only what I had used. In that sense, living alone at home, she simply didn't clean.

She doesn't dust the house. She doesn't clean the bathrooms. She doesn't sweep the house. She goes weeks without sweeping the house. The bathrooms are disgusting. I offer to wash it and she doesn't want to let me. Eventually she makes a decision to have a cleaning lady per month — we talked about it being weekly or fortnightly, but that's okay, it's a start — but she soon gives up and says it's not necessary.

She is afraid of lizards. Geckos, more precisely. She has had a phobia, a fear, since she was a child. So never open the windows in her room. She doesn't change the sheets. She keeps the same sheets for months. Food rots in the refrigerator. They take root inside the fridge (literally!). Don't let us throw it away. Things break and she never fix it. Lamps stay burned, doorknobs stay broken. She keeps broken mirrors.

And two years ago my sister separated and moved back in with her. And she is sick with this situation. I've done everything. I've already packed it against her wishes (although I would never throw anything away, because she freaks out). I already stopped going to her house, telling her that I would only go in there when she fixed it. I realized that this last decision embarrassed and saddened her, and was not what I wanted. I went back. I said a million times that I wouldn't help, but when she asked for help, I went.

But nothing! NOTHING resolves. Most of the time she says that "everything is normal", that she is "a little messy" and that's it. That she has a plan to fix it. She denies having depression, denies having hoarding disorder. She doesn't accept taking medication because she's "not crazy". She laughs or gets angry when we bring it up.

Sometimes she has lapses of consciousness. Cry. She says she will change. That she knows she has a problem. That wants our help. I'm going, having promised myself thousands of times that I wouldn't go again. The time arrives and she gives up everything.

For example: my mother keeps a lot of cassette tapes. She doesn't even have the device to use them, but she keeps them. We agreed to go clean up. She would keep the most important ones, of emotional value. Whatever was damaged would go in the trash and whatever was not so important would be donated.

Behold, at the appointed time, she sits down and opens a bottle of wine. She takes a tape and says she wanted to talk about each film and its importance in her life. And only after that, after we did this with more than a hundred tapes, would she start to decide what to do. She wanted us to stay at this all afternoon so that, in the end, we wouldn't organize or throw anything away. Obviously I got angry and left. And so are the attempts... Frustrating and sad.

Nowadays, mom doesn't just hoard things in her house. We have the family farm. My grandparents died many years ago, more than six. She doesn't let anyone take the clothes or donate them. She won't even let us organize the clothes. They are all in the same drawers, being eaten by moths. My great-grandmother died fifteen years ago. She doesn't let anyone touch her clothes either.

In recent years, Grandpa has been very ill. He had to wear diapers and took a lot of medicine. When he died, my aunt found a house to donate his medicine and diapers. I saw a post here from someone who said what goes through their mind when they think about donating... "Fear of not donating to the perfect place, etc". That's exactly what my mom says. The medicines are expiring and there are piles of diapers at my aunt's house because if she gets rid of them, my mother will fight.

Well... It's a serious case. I understand that hoarding disorder is an illness in itself, but I have seen that there are approaches that relate it to OCD. Mom is extremely controlling. Either things are the way she wants them to be, or they aren't at all. She often suffers when she cannot manipulate things in her favor. I understand that she needs to accept that she has a problem and that the lack will always exist. That there is no way to have everything.

Oh! To top it off, she recently adopted two dogs. She never liked animals, but these dogs even brought her joy. Therefore, she spends her money and savings on structures for the dogs (they are in the open area of ​​the pool), instead of solving the leaks or buying the damn furniture for the house. It seems like she invented a distraction from the real problems.

I see my mother getting older and it hurts me a lot. My husband has extremely high-functioning parents. They are about 10 years older than my mother and have lots of friends, they exercise, read, go to parties, travel. My mother is retired, has a beautiful house (which is destroyed due to her habits), and earns a good pension. She could travel, enjoy the family farm, get involved in groups. The most she does is go to church once a week and then go back to her room. She spends the whole day lying in bed watching old soap operas.

I want my mother to be happy. The most she accepts is that she is in mourning. For my grandparents. Who died more than six years ago! She cannot accept the fact that this grief has turned into depression (and that this depression has existed throughout her life, and not since 2018).

How, my God? How to help her? I don't know. I've even told her that we don't need to throw away what isn't spoiled. If you want to keep the damn two thousand magazines, let's keep them. But at least let me clean and organize them! She won't let me. I don't understand how hoarding disorder also became a lack of cleaning... I don't even know if that exists.

Mom is also a digital hoarder. She doesn't delete anything from her cell phone, hard drives or PCs. She doesn't throw away old cell phones when she changes them. Pay for drives for several emails to save prints and more prints of random nonsense from Instagram or TikTok... Always with some justification of "a project that is about to start". It's bizarre. It's crazy! My God, I don't want to be disrespectful to anyone who is a hoarder. I understand that it is an illness. I know mom is sick. But what it does to the family is maddening. It's too painful!

Finally, one more thing: Mom loves Barbra Streisand. She has a favorite movie of hers. On Mother's Day, my sister and I found this film after searching around in several stores. She said it was her dream to watch with us. She said she would watch... When the house was tidy. That was in 2010. Nowadays we don't even know where the film is.

I just wish that she has the strength to fight for a normal life one day. My strength vanished.

Well, even if no one reads or responds, I'm glad I wrote it. I know it is way too long. I believe in the healing power of writing, exorcising the demons from a troubled head a little... It was good to clear my mind. I will continue to follow the sub and I will be happy for every achievement I see here. Reading the reports helps me see that we are not alone in this fight.

Love to everyone who goes through this. It is difficult. Very difficult. I respect you all. A loving hug to everyone!

I'm not talking about shipping boxes, here, but I have a really hard time throwing out the boxes that items come in - like, the boxes they're in on the shelf of a store. It's not because I think they're pretty, or anything - I guess I keep them because I figure, IF I move (and I've lived in the same house now for 32 years), the items will be easier to protect and move in their original boxes.

How long do you guys save these boxes? How long is "reasonable?" Convince me that moving won't be any different without the box...

This was started as a reply to a reply to a subject: ADHD "out of sight, out of mind."

I was rearranging my room, handed mom my dust-covered kindle and an old (samsung) tablet that was in my TV stand. I can't remember what was going through my head at the time. She asked for charging cables, and I handed her 'the basket' where I stuck all that stuff.

She found the charger while condoming all those cables (putting them into sandwich bags) but did not realize I had a mighty AC-USB converter in there and just sitting unused until I handed it to her. (I was a little concerned about the power-cord, but it's the same as my boombox from the 80's and still used for the PS4, so easy to get more if we somehow don't have enough.)

It was a couple of hours of cool-down and her saying that she'd use that tablet for me to say that I just wanted a data-backup if she wanted it reset. Why do I want that old tablet that wasn't working for me? (She looked up the charging-cable and at least that's cheap... current one looks bad and it's just trickle-charge.)

She noticed my Nintendo-dock was dusty and questioned if I was using it... admittedly I had been into Minecraft for a few years, but the Nintendo was the device I had been cussing-at for the last few days.

That stupid bluetooth keyboard is being charged again, but I wanted it a few years ago for some reason.

Every time I've read an E-book, it's been easier to just unplug my laptop and put it into tablet-mode when I wanted to lounge on the couch. I would not have read a book this year if an author hadn't asked me to beta for her again.

Edit: Yeah, that tablet is very boggy and will probably feel slow even if I reset and update it. Better to let mom use it to read web stuff.

I'm a teenage hoarder (18) and am in desperate need of help. I live in a house with 2 other hoarders, but I am by far the worst. I clean the rest of the house after them and don't often have time to clean out my room, but today I thought I'd tackle it. but I just fucking can't, I'm sitting in my room just staring, my brain is conjuring the worst ('well if I throw it away somehow person who made said item of clothing for me will know and they'll hate me' or 'we're so poor we couldn't afford to buy me more' or, most bafflingly 'what if I gain 50 pounds again and can't find anything that fits me anymore') I'm so ashamed, scared, and anxious, a part of me knows I have to do this, another part wants me to lie in a clothing pile and cry. How can I tough it out? How can i Fight past the part of my brain that is making this an impossible task? I'm scared, and I don't know what to do. It's so bad I can't bring myself to ask for help and I've tried, I feel disgusting and it's affecting my self confidence, i'm worried this will lead me to crisis.

I need someone to explain to me why the only place I tend to hoard is in my refrigerator? When I was younger my mom would get onto me about not throwing away containers once they were empty, so she'd throw them away for me. I never really thought anything about it. For whatever reason I would take for example the last popsicle and look at the box for a second and then just shut the door. I figured someone else would throw it away. I was just being lazy.

However... after I lost my mom and started living on my own... I'd do the same thing. I didn't really think too much about it. I just told myself I'd throw it away later. Then I would buy new groceries and kinda forget about what I should throw away. I didn't really start noticing I had a problem until I had a friend come over and she was like wow you're completely stocked up.

Then I had to warn her what to touch and what not to touch... that a lot of the food was expired. I just finished cleaning out everything... I cried and I'm still crying over it. I don't know why looking at it so empty makes me feel so... empty. But at the same time I know there's something seriously wrong because why? Why would I let it get to that point? And this is the ONLY problem area for me. I throw away everything else I don't need. I love organization. I'm a minimalist. The only other area that I might tend to hoard is in my one cabinet designated for foods. I keep thinking I might need that can of beans I don't particularly like one day... or I might need the oatmeal I bought when trying to diet. I just don't understand.

I go into the thrift store to poke around every time I donate things, but I haven't come home with anything in a while. However, yesterday, a friend of mine needed to go to look for something to finish his Halloween costume, so I gave him a ride.

I've never liked my living room lamp, my couch gives me back issues and a cat peed on it recently when I was out of town (it's mostly fixed, I need to wash the foam one more time but I thought it wasn't even salvageable until I got more advice today), and I don't like any of my hoodies but could never part with them because I didn't have any others.

I ended up coming home with a new couch that I LOVE, a new living room lamp that I also love, a couple of hoodies, and a Christmas decoration (my boyfriend's mom bought us $300 worth of Christmas gnomes when we first moved in and I've felt a bit lonely during Christmas being surrounded by decorations from his family when I didnt have any of my own). These are all things I really do have use for, and honestly needed for my own sake (like the couch, my EDS and arthritis cannot stand this couch), but I can't get over this horrible feeling in my stomach.

I feel free because I can finally donate some of the hoodies I don't like since I now have suitable replacements. I'm so stoked about them, I never find any in my size that I like so I'm over the moon, but part of me feels like it's bad to bring things in even if it means I can get things out.

I've been able to buy things without guilt that are for my hobbies because those are usable. Like, with sewing supplies, it's not just a new thing taking up space. I know the couch is usable too but I can't rationalize it in the same way because the use feels more passive.

I'm sure I can't be the only one who has felt this way. How do y'all deal? I should be so excited to reward myself with nice furniture because I've worked so damn hard but instead I feel like I don't deserve it, like I should stick with my current shitty furniture and clothes because it's bad to bring new stuff in even when I'm putting old stuff out.

My model ships that I still have that are doing nothing but taking up space. I have several computer monitor boxes that I saved for the off chance that one of my monitors needed to be repaired but if one of the monitors would break now I'd just buy a new one since there is no longer a valid warranty.

I’m specifically holding onto things that I bought in bulk during a sale, for example expensive skin care, makeup and vitamin supplements. A lot of the makeup I have thrown away, since they have clearly expired or are products I simply wouldn’t buy again.

But the others I find it hard to get rid of. The vitamins have expired but they are still useful after. I feel like I should use them but I just always forget about them and had some stomach linings problems, which makes me hesitant to use too many at the same time.

EDIT: Threw the vitamins away, currently struggling with too many shoes, towels and books

I’m at a breaking point with the frustration I feel—all the walls I’ve put up around decluttering are now suffocating me. I constantly find reasons not to donate things: “Maybe I’ll choose the wrong charity”, These are quality clothes but they are not grateful" or “I could sell this later,” but all it’s led to is a mountain of clothes and clutter I can’t escape from. My garage, basement, and spare room are full, and it’s draining the space and energy I need, both in my home and in my mind.

I've spent years planning and barely moving forward. Each small step I take feels like it reverses the minute I stop. The guilt and shame are heavy, and although I don’t want to add to landfill, I’m at a point where I’m seriously considering throwing everything away just to get it out of my life. The environmental impact and the loss of potential income weigh on me, especially as a solo mom who could use the funds. But I can't seem to find the time, energy, or motivation to actually sell anything, even though I’ve done it before and made good money. I’ve listened to so many self-help podcasts, but nothing seems to break through.

Has anyone just “bitten the bullet” and trashed everything? How did you feel afterward, both short and long term? I’d also love any advice on how to deal with this without feeling so overwhelmed and so guilty!

Thank you so much for any help you can offer.

EDIT: I have previously already sorted out ones to trash.... and gotten rid of several bags of good clothes to opshops... but that experience left me not wanting to do it... the walls came up in the middle of my progress I guess. So what I am asking about dumping are good quality clothes that others may want :( the guilt!

What should I do with these??

You probably remember me from my post a few weeks ago. Through some generosity, I was able to hire a service to clean out my apartment. I’m quite nervous.

I have little attachment to the items in there. It’s almost entirely trash caused by a deep depression spiral over the last 2 years. I am nervous that they’re going to show up and say that I’ll need to move out permanently or that it’s so messy they can’t clean it. Words of advice are appreciated.

Seems like they were at one time so valuable and great to have, and my mind can't get passed that.

I know a minority of people collect them, but does the average person really have a use for them?

Should I just throw them away or donate them?

ain't nothing like being called a "selfish asshole" by someone who pretends to have hobbies just to have an excuse to COMPULSIVELY. BUY. SHIT.

sick burn, grandma; you totally roasted me. 🤡 you pathetic, miserable, toxic old WRETCH... AFTER ALL, in order to get to the restroom i have to first CARVE A PATH because every room in the house is waist deep in piles of MY (sarcasm, obv) selfishness!?!?? and thanks for warning me about Mt. Saint Wontflushmore that assaulted my senses when lifting the toilet lid. It would have been nice to know before putting a fucking deposit down on a DITCH WITCH just to EXCAVATE A PASSABLE tunnel to arrive at a bathroom where pissing and shitting are impossible. You're right though its selfish of me to suggest you need to spend some time making your home habitable.... 🫣🙄❌️🤦 like do you listen.... to yourself when you talk? i mean, no, really though. It's to the point where there's no empathy left in my heart for you because you've never even once owned it in your entire life simply getting you to acknowledge that you need help ain't like pulling teeth it's like trying to part the Red Sea, with a spork!

the fucking gall. the infantile stubbornness. the vehement denial that they could be anything less than correct and perfect in every conceivable way. how the fuck does any human being end up in such a disposition ? wrapped up in a neverending rug of martyrdom and victimhood whose only true passion in life are acquiring and purchasing as many items as possible just more more more more more until every facet of their life is crumbling around them? Then have the stunning entitlement and immaturity to manipulate others into helping them sort their life out and getting violently angry when they realize nobody is willing to fix the glaring problem that they're only PRETENDING bothers them to begin with! It's histrionic, sadistic, self sabotaging while simultaneously self soothing, just downright destructive and unhealthy in every way, seeping trauma into the lives of family's and even sometimes descending to multiple generations - yet they could care less. Nothing is going to keep them from their piles. And even up til the moment they die, they know they will not be taking their piles down to Hades with them - but that's still not a reason to just assume you GET TO JUST GO CARTE BLANCHE AND START THROWING THINGS AWAY BECAUSE YOU THINK SOMETHING IS TRASH AND IT ISN'T!!! Like that skateboard! That's a gift for my son! Oh, we'll yeah it's cracked but i can fix and re-stain it easily it'll look brand new! Yeah I know there hasn't been any wheels on it in over 20 years that's why I am purposefully making a shelf with it so he can put pictures or trophys or whatever he wants on it!!! THE POINT IS IT ISN'T TRASH GODDAMN IT DON'T FUCKING THROW IT AWAY SET IT BACK DOWN RIGHT NEXT TO THE OTHER 3 RUINED SKATEBOARDS. WELL DUH I HAVE 4 KIDS IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME MAKING SHELVES FOR MY CHILDREN AS GIFTS?!?!?

(above dialogue happened verbatim 6 months ago. breaking news: skateboards still ruined heap in basement corner)