Landlord is doing an inspection. I am so scared I’m tempted to just throw everything away. Has anyone just done that? Was it very upsetting? Did you regret it? Alternatives? I’ve tried to objectively rate my hoarding. Most areas are a one but very disorganized. Garage is a solid 2. No animals. No issues with utilities. Fixable damage to drywall. All floors tile so they’re good. I made a spreadsheet of what to do and I have 53 items. Managed to just upset myself. Do I need to clean out the closets? Do they look in cabinets and closets? Now I’m rambling. Advice appreciated.

Info: I personally know the hoarders. This has been going on for years. It’s unsafe and unsanitary and children are involved in aspects.

There’s a business that I know in the area I live that is completely hoarded out. And I say this knowing what I mean. Not with items related to the business, but anything they can get their hands on. That family has also hoarded out multiple residential properties. The concern I have is the surrounding businesses connected to this one will start have a rodent issue because out this.

How do I report this? And possibly have the residenials looked at as well?

I only ask this vaguely because I’m too close to the hoarders and am sick of it.

Today my father and I rented a uhaul van and picked up 20 of Home Depots 102L tote bins for $280. $11.97 each taxes in. Anywho it took me 40 mins to fill 14 of the totes of just old baby clothes aged 1 to 12 years old. It’s not sorted but saves space. They all have a smell to them and my parents smoke so we’d have to wash them if we were to donate anything. Socks underwear being thrown out of course. I wish parents wouldn’t hold onto so much and realize to declutter over the course of life.

Within the last two years, she has destroyed the house. I’m at my wits end then I’m ready to move the hell out.

Five years ago, I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and over the course of time it has slowed me down, so I have not been able to keep up on keeping the house organized. I am a neat freak, and she keeps things under control, but the less I have been able to do the worse it has gotten.

To supplement my income and keep myself busy, I have started flipping items around the house. I’ve also become quite good at flipping items in general. My little business occupies three shelves in our basement. My wife starts going to craft shows and decide she wants to do crafts. In the last two years, it has gotten so uncontrollable, that my three little shelves are overrun with her stuff, preventing me from doing my job. She is completely disorganized and loses things constantly and just buys new stuff. I am in no physical condition to help her look for anything, I can barely keep control of own stuff.

It reached the breaking point this weekend when we were supposed to entertain people for dinner and we simply had nowhere to put anything. We had an exercise bike in the middle of the living room for Christ sake that was completely her idea. I put it in the bedroom, but we don’t have any place in the bedroom because there is at least a dozen Rubbermaid tubs filled with her laundry.

I couldn’t set any Halloween stuff up because all of her craft tubs covered everything. The same with any Christmas displays, anything I had stored away is now buried.

She works full-time as well so when she’s not at home immersed in her crafting, she is at work. When I ask her, could you take a day or two to give me a hand, and she says she needs time because the crafting is her meditation. Most like my business keeps me busy, her crafting business keeps her busy. Which kind is a joke because she doesn’t make any money doing it.

I really don’t know what to do. I am at my wits end and I just can’t handle any of this shit mentally or physically anymore.

https://mdedge.com/node/271721/path_term/9

Hi Reddit ,

My wife is a horder and it’s getting worse . We live in a 3 story house in the suburb. She loves to shop but it’s impossible for her to let go of stuff / declutter. As she approaches her late forties it’s getting worse .

Everything has value - either emotional value or monetary value . There are only two options , either keep it or sell it . The issue is that it takes forever to sell it. Items have been for sale for 5 years and she is still “going to sell it “ , it could be $5 or $100. She would rather fight with me for days , nasty fights in front of the kids instead of agreeing to throw few items out or give things away . My son’s bike still stands outside as she is going to sell it - it’s been 3 years now and it’s rusting away …

We cannot use the 3 floor anymore . It’s physically impossible to enter the floor . Example , threw out old tennis balls few months ago (she doesn’t play tennis) , after I went to bed that evening she picked out the tennis balls from the trash. Five days later when I was cleaning up the yard , I found the bag of tennis tennis balls hidden inside an outdoor bench (she cannot enter the 3rd floor anymore). I confronted her , but she just laughed its off but still got pissed when I threw out the balls accusing me of being a controlling husband. Another time I wanted to donate an ikea size bag filled up with my old clothes that I had not worn in years . She insisted on driving to the drop off box but I later realized that she lied to me and keep it in the house instead . Few days ago , I decluttered my home office , she accuse me of being controlling but she is the one who needs to monitor and approve of each and every empty cardboard box that I throw out . It’s getting worse every year but especially after Covid .

I never object to shopping but I do object to her inability to declutter.

I am reaching a breaking point. Please help !

Welcome to this month's Personal Accountability Thread! The purpose of these threads is to encourage people to set de-cluttering and/or cleaning and/or therapeutic goals for themselves for the month.

Participation in the monthly Accountability Threads is TOTALLY VOLUNTARY. You don't have to participate in these threads if you don't want to. I only ask that if you do participate, you post under the Reddit account that you use for this sub, as the whole point of this thread is to be accountable.

SPECIAL NOTES

• Are you under eighteen? Check out the MyCOHP Online Peer Support Group for Minors and Youth at MyCOHP.com. This is a group specifically for minors who live in hoarded homes.
• Are you facing an urgent situation and need to clean up by a deadline? Please see So It's Come To This: You Have To Clean Up For Inspection--A Guide for Apartment Dwellers Who Hoard for guidelines on getting rid of the worst of your interior hoard in time for an inspection.
• Maybe you've decided to discuss your hoarding tendencies with a health professional. If so, take a look at the U.K. Hoarding Icebreaker Form. Though certain information on this form is specific to people living in the United Kingdom, in general this is a fantastic resource for anyone having a hard time talking about hoarding disorder with a medical professional. This form can be used by someone who lives with the urge to hoard, or someone who lives in a hoarding situation.

Here's how it works:

1, The Accountability threads are for hoarders, recovering hoarders, and those of us working to manage our hoarding tendencies.

1. Set your own goal and announce it on this post with a comment.
2. Set your own time frame to meet that goal within the month (for example: "I plan to spend ten minutes cleaning up the kitchen counter by Thursday next" or "I'm taking this pile of donate-able items to Goodwill on January 10th" or even "Before the month is out, I'm going to talk to my SO about my clutter and why I think I do it.").
3. Feel free to make follow-up comments in this thread. You're also free to make separate posts with the UPDATE/PROGRESS flair.

• Please report back with your results within the month--that's the accountability part.

1. If you need advice or support as you work towards your goal, please post to r/hoarding--maybe we can help!
2. Also, don't forget to check the Wiki for helpful resources.
3. If you don't meet goal, post that, and try to provide a little analysis to figure out what kept you from meeting it. Maybe some of us can provide advice to help you over the hump next time.
4. If you meet goal, please share what worked for you!
5. Do yourself a favor, and START SMALL. You didn't get into this mess overnight, and you won't get out of it overnight. Rome wasn't built in a day. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Etc., etc.--my point is, it's admirable if you want to sail in and tackle it all at once, but that's a very, very tough thing to do, and not a recommended strategy. Big successes are built on top of little ones, so focus on the things you can do in under a few minutes.
6. Every time you accomplish something, take a moment to celebrate doing it. :)
7. Finally, PRACTICE SELF CARE. This is so important, guys. Give yourself permission to put your healing first. Quiet the voice that is telling you to do more and be more. Acknowledge that you’re doing the best you can, and it’s enough. And remember: looking out for yourself is not lazy or selfish! Self-care is necessary, important, and healthy! PRACTICE SELF-CARE!

How to get started setting goals? Recommended places to get ideas for goals:

• Unfuck Your Habitat. Their Weekly Challenges are a great place to find goals, as are their Basic Cleaning Lists. And if you have a smartphone, be sure to check out their mobile app, available for iPhone and for Android phones.
• Flylady.net and her 31 Beginner Baby Steps.
• PersonalOrganizing.About.com: How to Declutter Your Entire Home Going Room by Room - Declutter Your Home Room-by-Room at Your Own Pace.
• 40 Bags in 40 Days De-Cluttering Challenge: 40 Bags in 40 Days is a forty day period where you declutter one area a day. The official challenge runs annually and coincides with the 40 days of Lent, but some people find it useful to schedule the challenges for themselves during other times of the year. See here for details on the 2023 challenge.

Looking for a Decluttering Plan with a Deadline to Motivate You?

• The annual Lenten 40 Bags in 40 Days Decluttering Challenge (see below) started on Feb. 22nd, 2023. You can jump in and join it at anytime, or start it on your own date.
• One blog launched the 365 Items in 365 Days Challenge. Learn more about that here.
• There's many other 30 Day Decluttering/Cleaning Challenges floating around the internet. Find one that works for you!
• Does the thought of cleaning up in 30 days make you break out in a cold sweat? Take a look at the Slow and Steady Decluttering Method
• Want to jump in with both feet? Consider the Shock Treatment Declutter Method

You can also use phone apps to encourage you to tidy up:

• As mentioned, UfYH has apps for both the iPhone (listed as "Unfilth Your Habitat" to get around the iTunes naming rules) and Android
• Chorma - iPhone only. The app is specifically designed to help you split chores with the other person or persons living in the home. If you live with somebody and want to divvy up chores, definitely check it out.
• Tody - For iPhone and Android. VERY comprehensive approach to cleaning.
• HomeRoutines - AFAICT, this app is iPhone only. Again, android users should check out Chore Checklist (which is also available for iPhone) and FlyLady Plus (which is from r/hoarding favorite Flylady). These two apps are very routine-focused, and may help you with getting into the habit of cleaning.
• Habitica turns your habits into an RPG. Perform tasks to help your party slay dragons! If you don't do your chores, then a crowd of people lose hit points and could die and lose gear! For iPhone and Android. There's a subreddit for people using the app: r/habitrpg (since the name change, there's also r/habitica but it doesn't seem very active).

Finally, if anyone has any suggestions for improving the Accountability Threads, please let the mods know. Just shoot us a PM.

Good luck, everybody!

Make sure to read our RULES before you post or comment. Pay special attention to our required Flair options. And as COVID-19 variants are still in abundance, we urge you to read the post titled SAFETY & ACCESS DURING COVID-19 CRISIS after you review the material below. Thanks! The Mods

Welcome to r/hoarding! This sub exists to provide peer-to-peer advice and support for Redditors who live with the compulsion to hoard objects--commonly known as hoarding disorder--as well as the loved ones of people who hoard. We invite you to tell us your strategies and tactics that you've found helpful, share your struggles and concerns, or post your stories and see if our collective knowledge and experience can offer you a way forward. Feel free to contact the moderators if you have any questions.

Please note: this is a support sub. That means we take people at their word when they post, and do our best to provide the best gentle and accepting support that we can. Keep in mind that the mods may remove posts and comments at their discretion to preserve a respectful, supportive atmosphere in this sub.

If you've come to understand that you engage in hoarding behaviors, CONGRATULATIONS! One of the biggest hurdles in dealing with this disorder is realizing that you even have it, so acknowledging your hoarding is a significant accomplishment. For next steps, we recommend you review the following links from our Wiki:

• Asking For Help
• Getting Out of the Hoarding Mindset
• I Have Hoarding Tendencies and Want to Learn to Clean Up - How Do I Start?
• AD(H)D and Hoarding
• So It's Come To This: You Have To Clean Up For Inspection--A Guide for Apartment Dwellers Who Hoard: Even though it's written specifically for people in apartments, the info is useful for anyone with hoarding tendencies who needs to clean up quickly.
• There's many other Reddit subs that may be useful to you during your recovery journey. Be sure to check them out.

If you have a loved one who hoards, it's important to understand that hoarding is a complicated mental health disorder. It's therefore vital that you educate yourself on it before you attempt to help your hoarder.

• Start with this posts and the resources inside: I Have a Hoarder In My Life--Help Me!
• Check out the For Loved Ones of Hoarders section of our Wiki for possible assistance.
• r/childofhoarder is highly recommended if you're the child of a hoarder.

Please note that r/hoarding is NOT for:

• sharing and discussing photos/videos of hoards that you've come across. If you're looking for sub that allows that sort of discussion, you probably want r/neckbeardnests, r/wtfhoarders/, or r/hoarderhouses/.
• Issues related to Animal Hoarding. Due to the particular and unique challenges involved with animal hoarders, posts about animal hoarding belong over at r/animalhoarding. The mods are aware that r/animalhoarding doesn't have the activity that r/hoarding does, but their Animal Hoarding Starter Guide and the Guide For Dealing with Animal Hoarders can provide you a place to start.
• help with digital hoarding. r/hoarding is a support group specifically for people dealing with hoarding disorder, defined as dysfunctional emotional attachments with physical objects. While we're aware that there's a growing conversation among mental health professionals around the hoarding of digital files, we're currently not able to provide support for anything related to digital hoarding. We recommend instead that you visit r/digitalminimalism.
• a place to get legal advice about your hoarding situation. If you or a loved one are in conflict with a landlord over hoarding, are facing issues with your local city about hoarding, are looking to get guardianship over a hoarder, are divorcing a hoarder, or similar issues, you need to seek the advice of a local attorney.
• discussion of the various TV shows about hoarders. While we appreciate that the shows helped bring awareness of hoarding disorder to the mainstream, many members here find the shows deeply upsetting and even exploitative of people with the illness. To talk about the shows, visit r/HoardersTV.
• a place for you to get direct help cleaning up. We're just a support group. We don't have the ability to send people to your home and clean it up for you for free. If you need assistance, please check our Wiki for resources that might be helpful.
• a place for specific cleaning questions or questions about dealing with vermin. Questions about how to clean something belong over at r/cleaningtips, while question about how to deal with rodents, bedbugs, roaches, etc. should be posted to r/pestcontrol.

OK, so retired July 31st. I have started the hoarding clean out. Both attic (full walk up) and basement. Basement was full but navigable. Attic which I had not been in for years you couldn't go past steps.

Started in basement and ended up throwing out around 40 contractor bags of old stuff plus probably 12 - 15 bulk items. Called daughter to pick up 4 snow tires that will fit her car. Bought zippered bedding bags as all bedding will go into attic along with the shelving from basement.

Attic was a nightmare. 90% done. I just want to say out of everything up there I only had 1 box of paperback books, 1 bucket of old tools and 1 large container of old cloths. Everything else was wife and kids. Minus stuff like christmas stuff and some old furniture.

I have taken out over 200 large construction bags of stuff. My trash allows 10 bags extra a week over containers. My neighbor allowed me to put 10 on his lawn every week. I am down to last 14 bags! I am taking those down today and putting in back yard for taking to street on Thursday.

I have about 3/4 to a full truck for Got Junk to take bulk items from attic. I plan on taking it down to half truck by the time I call. Old tv, window AC and some heavy bedroom furniture for them to take. I had open heart surgery about 4 years ago and cannot pick up super heavy items anymore.

The feeling is awesome! When I am done the attic and basement could be emptied in less than a few hours for both if we move or when wife and I pass for kids not to deal with.

My wife and son had a clothing and craft hoarding issue. I hoard tools. Once wife seen the junk she was keeping she was ready to let go. Son took about 1/2 his stuff and allowed me to throw rest away. My girls wanted nothing. Luckily no one had trash/garbage hoarding issues.

Setting up shelving today. Wife bought zippered bags for clothing so closets won't be packed with various seasons at all times. Next spring, shed and backyard!

Hi, I'm a 27(f). I've only recently realized I have a problem. This year I dealt with really bad relationships problems, my (ex) partner of 3 1/2 years had cheated on me multiple times and in July we fully split. He abandoned me and my child for another woman. I know we weren't right for eachother and I agree the break up was inevitable. I currently do not live near a support system or any family but I'm trying to make my way back. When he left it was for a job out of state and then he just stopped coming back on the weekends, and then just not at all. He left me with no way of getting anywhere. I take care of the 3 dogs, cat and bird. He wants to sell the house because him and his new girlfriend are getting married after knowing eachother for 4 months. She has no idea I'm there, or anything about the house, he tells her his neighbor is caring for the dog.

Since he left its become horrific. It was cluttered before he left but it got so much worse. I am struggling with depression and I just couldn't keep up with anything, I've never lived alone before. I am having to move soon and I just need any kind of encouragement or kind words. I'm going to try so hard to tackle the master bedroom, and perhaps the upstairs this week. It's dirty as well as cluttered. I've tried very hard to stay on top of trash but it's disgusting. I feel like a horrible person. Everyday I wake up and I know it's bad but I feel fatigued and drained and I just can't get through it. My friends and family who have visited from out of state ask how I'm okay living like that, but I'm not okay. I hate it, I feel disgusted and anxious and panicked.

I want to fix it and I don't understand how or why I am this bad. I grew up with an overly clean mother, poor but we always made it through, as an adult I've lived in poverty, I was held to an expectation with cleaning and essentially used as a slave by my mother to do everything she asked. The dirty issue is reoccurring for as long as i can remember I've struggled with cleaning and organization. I know it's easy to say I'm lazy, horrible, a bad mom, but I don't want to be anymore. I seriously feel horrible. I've also neglected my body and hygiene as well as the house, I'm overweight and I truly spent a long time crushed over the things that had happened to me.

This weekend he seen the house and flipped out and said how it looks like an episode of hoarders. I do have a child and I try hard to keep her room clean but it isn't fair that the house is dirty, she's fed and clean and her clothing is clean and I love her very much.

I truly need to get this done this week, at least the upstairs.

If anyone out there has any advice for me at all or even just a kind message it would mean a lot to me. Even if you've recovered or you relate to me. Thank you. ❤️

The room is cleared out! The scary closet is also almost done, I could cry. I am so happy. It was daunting me for ages, I already feel so much better and everything about my room feels much more like MY room. I have only posted once here before asking for advice on the closet and I was so worried but I am so proud of myself I just wanted to share this here!! I also want you guys to know that you CAN do it!!! I believe in you❤️I am happy to give any tips if anyone wants some!

My mom (lives with me) has gotten to be a pretty bad hoarder and it spills over into the entire house. She has her bedroom in the basement, the entire family room in the basement, and 90% of the garage next to her room that are just covered in piles of crap. It's an entire floor. It's now bleeding into the main level because she gets endless Amazon packages and decides to unpack them in the living room and leaves her stuff all over, no matter how many times she's asked to at least take it to her floor. She does not work and has zero hobbies. She compulsively online shops and buy everything and anything.

Over the last few years my kids and I have cleaned up her room multiple times and left it in perfect shape. Within a matter of days/weeks it's right back to piles and piles and a walking path through crap and boxes. She doesn't put anything away...literally ever.

She's currently on a trip out of the country for a couple weeks and I told her how much I wish I could clean up her room while she's gone. But she starts giving me a laundry list...I'd have to put together her new nightstand (in a box somewhere) and get rid of the current one, put together her new shoe cabinet (in a box in the garage), rotate her bed, put some giant art thing on the wall, go through her closet, etc, etc. Without all of this done it's just NOT possible for her room to be cleaned up because she won't have places to put things, according to her.

I've cleaned up all the trash and boxes and am just left with so much STUFF. 99% of it has not been seen or thought of in many months (or even years) and is not needed. I don't know how to proceed because I feel like even if I do spend hours and hours getting everything exactly as she wants it then it wont last. She's just going to keep shopping and buying so much pointless stuff. (She's actually on a trip right now just to go shopping at Christmas markets in Europe and is going to come back with suitcases filled to the brim that won't get unpacked for years😭) What do I do?

THIS POST HAS BEEN APPROVED BY THE MODS

Redditor u/hissyhissy has just self-published a book about her personal decluttering journey and contacted the moderators to share free copies to members of this sub.

Per the author:

The Things That Haunt Us is my honest recount of grappling with the piles of "stuff" that somehow found their way into my life.

This isn’t a step-by-step decluttering guide but rather a real, sometimes messy, sometimes funny account of my experience, like the day it dawned on me that I had seven tables in my one bedroom apartment, or the moment I looked around and wondered, “How many pairs of socks does a normal person have?” and “Why on earth is my laundry basket full of shoes?”  I dig into the societal pressures to own more, and the complex, often emotional reasons behind why we keep what we keep. My hope is that you’ll find a relatable voice in these pages and maybe even some fresh perspectives on finding balance in a world full of ‘stuff.

The Kindle version will be available for FREE on these dates:

• Saturday, November 9, 2024, 12:00 AM PDT to 11:59 PM PDT
• Sunday, December 1, 2024, 12:00 AM PST to 11:59 PM PST
• Thursday, December 26, 2024, 12:00 AM PST to 11:59 PM PST
• Saturday, January 4, 2025, 12:00 AM PST to 11:59 PM PST
• Saturday, January 11, 2025, 12:00 AM PST to 11:59 PM PST 

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CTHRYXFN For USA readers 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0CTHRYXFN For UK readers

Please note: To grab the book for free, don’t select “Read for Free” (which is for Kindle Unlimited subscribers); instead, click on “Buy Now” on the selected days when the price is $0.00.

for context i’m 22NB, autistic and disabled, and i live with my parents. i used to be in and out of college, but i nearly flunked out and i decided 6 months ago to move back home and get a retail job instead. i live independently and pay for most of my own things, unless my parents offer to pay themselves. i’ve dealt with several issues with my physical and especially mental health for the past 5+ years, and i’ve had a lot of bad habits/ways of coping with my anxiety for years. the most obviously destructive ones i’ve managed to get rid of, but i’ve slowly come to realize that reckless spending/hoarding has been my main vice as of late. i have this nagging fear of ‘running out’ of any and all items, from shampoo to deodorant to perfume to art supplies, even stupid things like slime and other toys. i always want to get two or more of everything because having an extra calms me down.

i don’t have the greatest relationship with my parents but things have been okay for the past few months. the one consistent issue we’ve butted heads over has been that my room is full of “useless stacks of crap” that i refuse to throw away because i can’t stand creating waste/trash and avoid throwing things away at all costs (plus i never want to throw away something i might wind up using later, as i’m also ironically anxious about wasting money). today at work i got a text from my dad confronting me about how much money i’ve spent on shampoo and deodorant from a particular brand—i bought a few specific items in bulk online because they were limited edition and i’m very particular about what i use, but every week or so i’d panic about not buying enough and impulsively buy more in fear of the ones i’ve already ordered running out. the packages took a while to ship out so i‘ve just gotten my first few from the seller over the past few days. my dad told me very bluntly over text to stop buying shampoo because the drawer i keep all my toiletries in is full (not that i gave him permission to open my packages or look through my drawers, ig he just did that on his own). i apologized over text and he didn’t seem upset but i’m still extremely ashamed and can’t focus on my work now out of embarrassment that i made that happen. and that’s far from the only case of me buying too much of the exact same product out of fear of running low or missing out on some ‘limited time’ deal. i have three giant plastic bins in my bedroom full of bulk-bought items that i still haven’t unpacked from when i was in my college dorm half a year ago. i’m too afraid to unpack it. my mom has very kindly offered to help but i freak out when other people touch my stuff so i’ve always refused. i know i need to clean my room, i know that i shouldn’t be doing this, but despite doing therapy every week i haven’t figured out any other way of coping. i’m afraid to say that this is probably my healthiest coping mechanism thus far.

So I finally convinced my mum to get rid of broken portable washing machine. Today she brought in my grandma’s same one plus a portable spinner. So instead of 1 useless appliance now we have two! Yay! /s

I was FaceTiming with my bro who lives out of state today for the holidays and I asked him for an apt tour because I’ve never seen his place. He turned the camera for a very brief moment a couple times and it showed a scene I was unprepared for. He said he was redecorating & purging which is great if he was but it didn’t seem like a one man job anymore, it was beyond what someone could likely do for themselves unless they had all the time & energy to get it done. He’s always struggled with cleanliness & executive dysfunction, me too. He’s kept trash in the past & growing up and even had a mice infestation problem in his room because of it.

Today seemed like the version of that manifesting into him being full blown adult in his 30’s with that issue maximized beyond belief and I am heartbroken. I know I can’t impede on him but I want to be there for him and offer him resources or something I’m good at finding solutions and problem solving I could easily help him if he’d let me but I just don’t even know how to approach it. He’s an avoidant and he also lies a lot. I care about him and I want him to feel safe. What are some ways I can be supportive?

I’ve had problems for years about holding onto things, I’m autistic with OCD traits and I just can’t clean my room, I don’t know what level of hoarding this is but I’m at a loss for how to do this, I have a breakdown or get overwhelmed every single time I try to clean and I just can get rid of things because of the anxiety that brings me. (I’m 15)

We’ve recently taken in a 10yo second cousin of my husband’s from out of state. She previously lived with her great grandmother who is an extreme hoarder. I have to go to court in a couple of weeks to deal with custody issues and the child is unable to go because of a restraining order against her mother (not to mention she’s 10 and states that she doesn’t want to see her mother anyway). My husband also isn’t going as he will be at work. The great grandmother has offered to watch her for a few hours while I’m in court, and the kid is super excited to see her since it’s been about 6 months since she’s seen her. I’ve told them that we’re going to stay with my mother in law so at least there’s comfort in that.

For some back story: I’ve known this woman going on 20 years. Her house has always been disgusting. She never throws anything away and she keeps animals that she doesn’t clean up after. Multiple “inside/outside” cats that use the bathroom all over the house and she’s in her 80s so she doesn’t clean it. Doesn’t clean out litter boxes either. She lives in a flood zone and it floods her house every summer but she doesn’t have flood insurance so they just mop up the water and go about their lives like it never happened. I know there’s got to be so much mold and mildew in the walls. They used to host holidays there despite the repulsiveness of the house and I’ve seen spider webs dangling over the food set out. For almost all of the time I’ve know her I’ve refused to eat or drink anything that was in her house. I’ll say I just ate and I bring my own drink. Recently one of her sons has been making some much needed repairs and a dead raccoon fell out of the ceiling when he moved the tiles. They also found countless dead rats just in the trash all over the house. Also, anytime something was moved roaches would flee in mass.

It sounds dramatic but my nose has always refused to take a breath when I walk in there. I have to breathe out of my mouth until I can get used to it a bit to breathe out of my nose again.

Before we took in this child I told my husband that I’m pretty sure I’ve stepped my last foot inside that house. It’s unhealthy and disgusting and I literally just don’t want to go in there.

I don’t want to be rude to my husband’s grandmother but how do I politely decline to enter his grandmother’s house when dropping off and picking up the kid?

First and foremost, I want to hear everyone's experiences with cleaners. The woman I've found seems extremely empathetic and has experience with hoarders. I want to hear anything and everything!

Now, onto my personal situation.

I've been making pretty big progress while on school break and I'll have another break in December. My hope is to have the worst of every room done by then. There's one room that's still not traversable due to a few large items I'm not strong enough to move, but my partner is helping me out with that in late December over my school break so I can get in there and start tackling piles. I've actually managed to get done a lot of what I thought I needed a peofessional's help with over the past few weeks, and I'm hoping to get done even more over my next school break (I'll have about a week of time I can clean, but I'm disabled so I may not get a ton done).

By the start of the new year, every room should be in a better place. The bathroom and kitchen are completely decluttered, the foyer only has clutter against the wall, only one closet needs to be organized (holiday decorations, so this will be better once I've decorated for Christmas), and then there's the one room I can't get into by myself. However, I think I can have a lot of the decluttering done by myself and with friends help by the time she's available, so at this point, I'm trying to decide what's more useful (especially since she'll probably be coming while I'm not home, so throwing things out without me is a no while I'm recovering because I get too anxious).

This also means I'm trying to figure out what I should focus on. For now, my biggest focus is clutter, followed by spot cleaning, followed by deep cleaning. But decluttering and sanitization take priority. What I need her help with won't really be known until I see how far I get in December, but I wanted to get input regardless!

She'll be coming back from maternity leave, so I want to make sure the tasks I need done will be easy on her body as well. She didn't say this, I just want to be considerate.

But yeah, all opinions and anecdotes are welcome!

50+ trash goodbye!

My husband and I are having major relationship issues. He is emotionally abusive and uses my hoarding issue to keep me feeling guilty (which I do) and blames every failure in his life on me. We have a baby and three clean areas in our home.

As sad as it is to say, I’m finally ready for the baby’s sake. I wish I was ready sooner. But the baby is learning how to walk and I just can’t do this anymore.

I’m in therapy for major family issues (my dad was big time emotionally abusive) but I haven’t told my therapist yet any the hoarding. I’m afraid to.

Yesterday, I cleaned two big spots while the baby slept. It made me feel strong, like I can do this.

Just here for moral support. I could use a bit of it.

Can share photos too, of progress if that’s what’s done here.

I think it's just a rant, but advice is welcome, as always. I already reported my mother's situation here recently.

It seems like she received energy from this post, I honestly don't know... A few days later, everything started to change. She admitted to being depressed (something she didn't accept) and agreed to take the medicine. I gave her bluetooth headphones to encourage her to do her homework, since she is always lying down watching soap operas.

She started using them! He washed the bathrooms with headphones in his ears! You're taking your medicine! And he even borrowed the fabulous book "The Noonday Demon", by the incredible Andrew Solomon (which I recommend to anyone who has depression or has a loved one with this illness. It's the Bible of depression).

Anyway. Hopes. Hopes. Hopes. I was so proud of her.

Until we went to my aunt's house to look at old albums and have lunch. My grandfather lived with my aunt and recently died. My grandmother died six years ago. She just won't let anyone touch their clothes. Do not accept to donate the medicines. Do not accept donating diapers.

The day was delightful. Until my aunt mentioned the donations. My aunt lives in a house that looks like a cemetery because my mother won't let her donate or sell anything. That day, we told mom that the medicines were expiring and the clothes would shelter people in need.

She said she would rather let her medication expire than donate it to someone she "isn't sure will use it well." He also doesn't accept donating clothes because "you have to be sure that the person won't exchange them for drugs." Everything to feed your compulsion to accumulate, to find reasons not to get rid of what isn't even yours!

And trying to explain to her how illusory these criteria are seems to make the situation worse. Apparently she just wants us to be silent and accept her obsessions. That day, he screamed, frowned, almost started crying and pushed my sister... It was chaos.

I know that improvement is not linear. And today my psychologist also reminded me that perhaps she will never stop being like this, even because of her age (she is 64 years old and has been this stubborn for many years).

But I just wanted to say that hoarding disorder causes a pent-up feeling of anger and hurt in everyone around it. If you want to accumulate in your house, I'm sad, but it's your right. But you don't have the right to force everyone to live that kind of life with you.

Hi everyone,

The situation has a positive ending, but I think this was the most suitable flair.

My mom has been a hoarder for many years now, and recently she's finally come to the point where she's really ready for a change and even let's me help her get rid of stuff. I (F in my twenties) don't live at home anymore and my relationship with her has become quite good over the last +/- eight years. Today was the fourth time I was helping her and we did very well. We threw out lots of paper waste, mostly advertising leaflets (Google Translate spat this one out hahaha). She also had some clothes from when me and my siblings were younger that she wanted to get rid off, and I asked her if she could part with a toy house for little kids (think Fisher Price). She agreed to that and at the end of the afternoon we went to the second hand store to drop off the clothes and the toy house. This toy house came with a few toy doll figures, like a mom, a dad, a baby and a cat. She definitely agreed to getting rid of the toy house, but the longer she saw and thought about the little figures, the more she wanted to keep the mom figure and the baby figure. She found them to be very cute. I really wanted her to get rid of the whole set, but she kept saying that she didn't have a good feeling about those two figures.

I should've listened to her but I just couldn't understand why she couldn't part with those two figures. I hurts me that we make such small progress and that there is SO MUCH STUFF. When we were at the second hand store, we handed the stuff to the lady there, and I asked my mom again if she was okay with it, hoping she would be able to look at it objectively. But I should've know better. She said yes but she started to cry when the lady walked away with the stuff. So I went after the lady and got back the two figures, and gave them back to my mom. She was very happy with that. I really should've know better because only then I made the connection to the trauma I know she has. When she was little, her mother threw away her toys. I literally took her right back to her trauma.

Later this evening, when I was home again, I called her to say sorry and to ask her how she's doing. Thankfully, she was doing really well she said. She wasn't sad anymore and thanked me a lot for helping her today. I'm seeing her and my dad again tomorrow for a fun activity we've been looking forward too.

Like I said, it was a good day, but I really regret having pushed her about the two doll figures. I needed to get this off my chest, thank you for reading this.

I don’t know how to approach this and I don’t want to be rude. My husbands family have a hoarding problem and a adult daughter with special needs. The house has a horrible odor and I’m starting to smell it in them even when they come visit. If I can smell it, others can too. There’s no air flowing, smells like dust, mold, humidity, sick dogs plus we live in the tropics. It also worries me is that my SIL is totally dependent and is living in awful conditions, even though they say they clean. My husband has the hoarding conversation with them every time it seems appropriate but it goes nowhere. I know he feels shame and I don’t know how to talk to my own husband about this situation. How can I approach this?

My bedroom is so so bad and i have no idea where to start to try and get it into some sort of order can anyone advise how i should tackle this?

keeping my room tidy has got to be my biggest ADHD struggle, even after being medicated for over a year i just can’t seem to keep on top of it and it gets worse and worse and then i just avoid it because its so overwhelming

i have no idea where to start

i want things to be tidy and nicely away, i have no space to put things because i have so many old clothes and shoes that i don’t wear and i’m just hoarding them instead of getting rid of them

most of the clothes on the floor/chair/pile are clothes that i actually wear, and the stuff in my drawers and wardrobes is a mix of stuff i wear and stuff that needs to go

i have so much random stuff that i’ve accumulated over the years but having a clear out just seems like a horrible massive job that would take me days of non stop sorting, i just don’t have the time to dedicate that amount of time to it

this is making me so depressed i hate being in such a messy space but i just don’t know how to approach it anymore it’s gotten so bad

Stepdads place is a bombsite. He wants it to look better, but when he 'tries' (with or without us) he makes such slow increments he'll be dead before even gets half the house done. It's a big space. Every room needs TLC. Even when he does try, he seems to bring in more than he gets rid of.

I've tried multiple different approaches, letting him feel in control and trying to work with him to decide on things as we go. He won't let me call in a skip bin for the stuff that is clearly trash and junk, but he also won't spend the time sorting through the piles of outdated paperwork he has stack up or bother cleaning around.

Anyone have any suggestions which room to start with? I'm thinking his bedroom? Clean place to sleep?

The biggest thing that takes time is that mixed in with all the legit junk and trash there are some legitimate valuables and important pieces both financial and emotional. So you can't just grab a box and say "this is all trash" because you actually need him to look at every item and tell you its value - it's mostly antiques and collectors items which can actually be sold for a good chunk of change, and the average person would just see a trinket of no value, when it's worth a few grand.

How to best first tackle a house where he hoards everything and tries to excuse all their purposes. From newspapers, food, containers, old diaries, books, garden tools...

The intent is half there, but when push comes to shove he really doesn't act on it. Sometime he will if forced into a corner, but that should be how we have to clear everything, cause he'll just revert back to filling up that empty drawer/shelf.

Hey there,

So on Friday I had a surprise inspection at my apartment (they did give 24 hour notice on the door). Today I got a note on the door saying there was maintenance that needed to be done (a few light bulbs are out and the garbage disposal but I don't use it anyways) but they were worried that my apartment was dirty.

They are giving me until the 27th. So my question is, do they just want the trash gone? I will admit, I have a ton of stuff and I have been so tired. I have bags closed up that I need to toss. But if I were to clean all trash but have like clothes on the floor or something...is that clean? Like I guess I just don't know if they want my apartment spotless or just no trash. I can take all the trash out and I have been trying to go through stuff and throw out old stuff or break down boxes (which accounts for some of the trash).

Any advice would be helpful. If they don't like what they see, I have a 7 day notice. And then that could lead to eviction and I just don't have the time/energy to move and get another apartment. Any advice is helpful and I know that just because one apartment complex worked one way that another works that way as well. Just freaking out a bit that I will need to pull another all nighter or two to get it done. I spent 7 hours yesterday putting clothes away, cleaning my desk/makeup area and cleaning my kitchen and bathroom so... those already look halfway decent.

Some people who hoard are also neurodivergent in one or more ways. This DIY workbook reframes of Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills to be neurodivergent-friendly with the added bonus of accessible mindfulness practices, sensory strategies and meltdown management techniques.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy focuses on understanding how emotions affect decisions related to possessions and learning how to tolerate distress associated with discarding items.

Here's the link to the PDF of the workbook

https://static1.squarespace.com/static/635a1360b5d4b729bdb834f2/t/63d80a77dccd32294cad27d6/1675102845455/DBT+Neurodivergent+Friendly.pdf

And here are links to the Mindfulness Handouts from the 2nd edition of the book:

• https://mydoctor.kaiserpermanente.org/ncal/Images/Mindfulness%20DBT%20Skills%20ADA_05012020_tcm75-1599005.pdf
• https://mydoctor.kaiserpermanente.org/ncal/Images/Distress%20Tolerance%20DBT%20Skills_ADA_04232020_tcm75-1598996.pdf
• https://mydoctor.kaiserpermanente.org/ncal/Images/Emotion%20Regulation%20DBT%20Skills%20ADA%2004292020_tcm75-1598999.pdf
• https://mydoctor.kaiserpermanente.org/ncal/Images/Interpersonal%20Effectiveness%20DBT%20Skills%20ADA_04302020_tcm75-1599002.pdf

I'm a hoarder in recovery and I just got my fridge clean. We made orange chicken tonight for their visit and he overheard me tell my boyfriend to add eggs to the list.

I was like, wow, thank god he didn't know! I yelled back from the kitchen that I'd much rather run out of eggs I got for more than clean out rotten eggs later, as well as have the fridge space.

Not today Satan!

I love books. But sometimes I buy books for fear they might get discontinued or not get printed anymore and so I buy them but don’t actually have the time to read them. It’s just to make myself feel better that I’ve got this book and if in the future something happened, I can look at this book and solve the issue if the internet is destroyed in the future. Does anybody feel the same