So this morning as I was turning in my oven to toast some bread, I did my usual “reflex” of turning on the oven and opening it to make sure it was empty before it began heating. I do this motion in such one smooth move that it seems like a one action. Like putting your car in reverse and looking behind me. Growing up, there was always a ton of random items crammed into the oven. If I wanted to use the oven, it had to be cleaned out, first. I know of several occasions that I didn’t look in the oven and things got burned. I’m 53. I moved out at 17. I’m not a hoarder but I still do this. Then I wondered if anyone else has a reflex like this or does the same thing. Anyone else?

Father in law died. Was one of the biggest hoarders ever. Went there to start going thru the mess. Took me 8 hours and I didn’t even make a dent in the ONE ROOM. What did I find mixed in a bag of trash?? A one hundred year old wedding invitation from my husbands grandmothers wedding! How could he treat it so poorly? Hidden under a ratty blanket and covered with inches of dust (on top of blanket and under blanket- a talking machine aka a victrola. With hundred year old albums in the storage slots. Under another ratty blanket? A pristine curio cabinet with rounded glass containing china that was a wedding gift of his grandparents. The original boarding pass from the ship tickets they purchased to immigrate to the US. How does one let such precious stuff lay beside cat shit?

Now there are 9 1/2 more rooms to go. Original plan was to just trash everything. Now instead i have to pick through mounds of garbage to make sure there are no more pieces of my husbands heritage mixed in with the junk.

My husband is not able to do this for health reasons. I could have cried when I found the photo album from the 1800’s with all the photos ruined because they sat under a ceiling with a leak in it.

Anyway we always dreaded when the day would come when he would pass and this huge house of god knows what would be our problem. The day finally arrived and now it’s worse then I ever thought- because I find there are actually treasures mixed with the trash‼️

So one day while I was at my parents house, I said goodbye and went to pick up my bike bag. It was lying open next to the door. Next to a pile of random hoarded crap. And for whatever reason (we all know the reason), I started to fill my bag. My parents were watching TV so couldn't hear me. I loaded the bag up as much as I could, until I could barely carry it, and shouted out one last bye and left.

It was so heavy the panier (bike bag) nearly made the bike fall over.

When I got home (after a tough bike ride up many hills with that heavy bag!), I opened up the bag and spread everything on the floor. And it was all junk. 99% of it went into the bins (most of that was for recycling as there was so much paper). I spotted a few things like a tie and some shoes and some picture frames and made a rule that I can't keep anything (I definitely have the genetic potential to become a hoarder!), so put the salvageable stuff on the street.

Then, two days later, I was at my parents house and I did it again. I stole another bag of stuff.

This was three months ago.

Since then, I've stolen 28 bags of stuff.

And my parents have not noticed.

I've managed to take out over 150 books, 18 pairs of shoes (all were broken and went straight to the bin), about 30 floppy disks, 30 framed pictures, 10 baseball hats, 20 ties, 100 or more pieces of cheap jewelry, 100 magazines, and about 100 pieces of tupperware. All of it has either gone in the bin, on the street for people to take, or to a local charity shop (they hot all the frames and ties and baseball caps!).

I've moved at times from the hallway to the kitchen and to the upstairs hallway.

And my parents have not noticed.

Whenever I take stuff, there's a noticeable "gap" amongst the hoard. But by the time of my next visit, the gap has been filled.

On top of being hoarders, my dad is an angry, raging narcissist and my mum, who was once an introverted narcissist, is living with Alzheimer’s. This is why I can get away with it. It would've been impossible in the past.

I'm not sure if they will ever notice. But I'll keep doing it until they do. It gives me so much pleasure and satisfaction and has helped me deal with all of this so much.

It makes me feel like I'm doing something and at least I've started the process of clearing out their house. I've not told my siblings and don't intend to (especially as my older sister is also narcissitic).

I have found some stuff that I can sell on ebay (antique books etc.) and I've set up a savings account for the proceeds and am using the money to take my mum out for tea and cake (her favourite) and to visit her old friends as much as possible. Its worked out as a good system! (I also need the separate account in case my siblings ever find out and I can show them what I did with the money).

Their house is so disgusting and filthy and he is allowing my mum to live in the filth. I get so angry sometimes as it demonstrates that my dad could allow someone to help if he wanted to but he is too selfish to allow this.

I feel sad for my mum as she used to be a really clean and tidy person. I'm glad she is far gone enough to not care.

But stealing from them has been so helpful for my mental health (the shreds remaining) and hopefully I'll be able to keep doing it.

Bit of back story, my sister is the owner of our parents home due to a life estate that was set up in 2015. Due to circumstances, it was the best choice at the time and all parties agreed and worked in depth with a lawyer to make sure it was the best fit. Our dad passed away suddenly in 2021.

Fast forward to today, my sister and I went to visit our mom to try and gently discuss some issues where she had stopped maintaining the house, and there are no words to describe what we walked in to. In a two story home there are now piles of stuff floor to ceiling everywhere. There is barely a path from the front door to a single chair where mom apparently sits.

This has happened in a matter of months. Last time my sister was out she said things were in some disrepair, but clean. Mom (she’s 67) has apparently started hitting up everything from estate sales, flea markets, to online shopping like ebay and just picking up anything that strikes her fancy.

What is terrifying to us is that my sister is a petite woman and she could barely squeeze through areas of the house. Mom’s completely walled off her bedroom so there is only one path in or out and the room is at the very back of the house. Even the stove is piled with stuff, and we found an outlet that still had something plugged in with burn marks and which was mildly melted. There may also be black mold on the second story due to an ongoing water leak but we have no idea (it was mold, it was black in color, and it was all over the ceiling in one of the bedrooms).

So we actively have a fire concern as well as numerous other areas of concern. If this house catches fire it is a threat to multiple neighbors because of how close the houses in the area are but also due to some of the things mom seems to be hoarding being extremely flammable.

We’re still processing this sudden switch, and though we tried talking with her to get an idea of what was going on she was just extremely angry we dared say anything and kicked us out.

Help? What in the world do we do here? What can we do here? It’s a private residence but mom is technically a sort of tenant, so can we just start cleaning up ourselves if attempts at communication fail? Should we? With the number of safety hazards do we have to go to the city? Both of us are completely at a loss and have never encountered anything like this so any advice would be greatly and deeply appreciated.

I'm visiting my HP for several weeks, departing soon. I live a long plane ride away these days. Being back here has brought up so much anger and frustration at times. I've tried to focus on "helping in the ways I am asked" - we all know anything else doesn't work and just makes matters worse.

The thing is, I've barely been able to muster the energy to clean the main rooms. I'm definitely not keeping up as well as I thought I would. My HP is disappointed we're not making more progress, and so am I. She's ready to let some stuff go and I badly want to help.

Does anyone else feel utterly drained by the hoarding environment? By the faucets that leak/hot water shut off, duct tape holding the house together, appliances that don't work, clutter you have to work around & trip over? The cleaning you have to do because they are dirt & mess blind? It's so exhausting just being here, how do you find the energy to help?

Suggestions for organizing mail/preventing junk mail from companies and what to do with all these trinkets and overall junk? I’m on a mission to help my parents organize and get rid of things after my dad lost his job.

This sink hasn't been visible since 2020. There was junk packed on it all the way up to the shelves at the ceiling. This week my dad (65) finally cleared it up 💪🏻

(That being said - I should probably check my old car to make sure he isn't still using it as his personal skip before actually throwing what was here away)

But a win is a win 🎉

(Now to gently convince him the old broken hand blender doesn't need to live with the washing liquid...)

Hello sub,

Lurker here who has come to some sad realizations. I was over at my Mom's house yesterday and it is the worst I have ever seen it. For the last few years now it had switched from being just hoarded with clutter badly, to being dirty and a health hazard. Not that it wasn't dirty or a health hazard before... but, I mean, feces (human and animal), running water not working in bathrooms to wash hands, lights not working, oven not working... everything is just breaking down.

My Mom just turned 70 and has medical issues that limit her ability to care for herself, even though she has always vehemently been against any help whatsoever.

But I can't do it any more. I went from making myself sick with panic attacks trying to figure out how to help her, to trying to block it out of my mind and think it's hers to deal with, to just... I don't know.

Anyway, I've realized the solution: adult protective services.

From what I can see on the web site (I am in New York State), they can assess the situation, get her emergency housing if needed (hopefully), a care taker, and most importantly: advocacy for therapy and getting out of the situation.

Does anyone have any experience with Adult Protective Services? What was it like?

I'm making sure that I learn all I can before I bring this up to her - I have a weekly therapy appointment I plan on using this week for ways and strategies to bring the topic up with my Mom, I'm going to speak with my Aunt (her sister) to make sure I have her support as well. I know I can just call them without warning my Mom, but I don't want to do that to her - I know she would (at least for now) see it as a betrayal.

I just want my Mom to be as healthy as possible and know that she isn't living in filth.

I’m not sure if this is considered hoarding, but there is another room like this. I discovered several of the same books, and just a lot of junk. My moms husband is the hoarder. Since she’s married him, her house went to compete crap. My mom has always been a little messy, but there have been areas of the home that were usually kept near. She redid the floors in this room, just for him to mess it up. I had to move back… hoping I’ll have a new apartment by next week… but I just can’t with this. She completely allows him to destroy her home blight in the 90s, yet she picks apart everything I do. She even got an apartment with him, in another state, I’m considering hiring a hoarding service.

Hi all, while I’m happy to see this subreddit be supportive and resourceful for people, I’m sorry we’re all here, of course.

I created this subreddit years and years ago when I was a baby redditor (and struggling with my own mother’s hoarding) and had no clue what I was doing. Fast forward to now and this sub seems to have a bit of activity that I hadn’t anticipated.

Anyway, I want to be more active so I’ve created an automod message that will attach to each post with resources, articles, and supportive outlets.

If any of you have any suggestions for the sub, any ideas for the sidebar, etc, please send em my way. I’ll keep this post stickied so that anyone can pop in and leave feedback/suggestions.

Sorry you’re all here but grateful to be part of your experience as COH.

Hi, I'm planning on using aftermath to clean up my mom's apt. It's about 4 rooms I plan on getting cleaned (bathroom, kitchen, living room and bedroom).

I called them and they said they couldn't give me an estimate without a person coming to check on how much it would be. (I plan on doing this) But I'm still so worried about what it could be overall with their low income discount and paying monthly for the rest.

Has anyone used the service before and could tell me their expirence/what to expect? Would be very super helpful!

I'm a adult COH myself and the sad thing is I am seeing some of my fellow adult COH be entirely driven to madness by their hoarder parents, snapping and losing themselves in a rage.

One of my fellow COH lost it and punched the glass mirror of a car. His hand was left bloody. It was sad, because this is a normally very well-adjusted and even-tempered person. For context the car is a dysfunctional wreck that has blocked the driveway and been a huge burden and eyesore for countless years. It drains a non-hoarding co-dependant parent (who this COH was closer to) financially, 'forcing' her to pay for insurance, and taking up space. It is part of a defensive wall of junk and (literal) spikes that has been built around the hoarded home. This COH had been trying to clean up the hoarder house and take care of his parents, but two weeks with the parents was enough to drive him insane.

The other COH had been bullied/tortured a lot as a young man and was in a way trained to see outbursts as the only way to make people stop. His hoarder mom, who he unfortuantely has to live with for financial reasons, had given him the 'gift' of an inhertance of crap from his grandfather, and would not let him dispose of the items. While he was away working remotely, she rearranged all his stuff, and piled the 'inheritance' on top of his things. He was looking for something he needed and flew into a rage, and threw around a couple of boxes and a some shirts. I was nearby, and have some cPTSD from my own separate hoarder parent, who often flew into rages when his hoard (which dominated the hoard house where I used to live as a child) was touched or questioned. The rage triggers my cPTSD so I am a bit of a wreck, but I understand where the anger comes from. There is nothing more infuriating to me than hoarding.

I sure I'm not the only COH that sees that boiling anger, pressure building inside, ready to explode.

Thanks for reading.

My mother hoards clothes. She claims she never buys new stuff, but she definitely does, and she never gets rid of anything. She currently has five closets filled with her clothes, as well as tons of vacuum-packed bags of children's clothes. The only way she's willing to let go of clothes is by giving them to me - so every time I visit her, she tries to give me clothes.

The last time she tried to give me stuff, I told her I don't need any more clothes, and that I've recently actually been trying to get rid of clothes by selling and donating them. She was shocked that I would do such a thing, and told me not to give anything away, but to give them to her instead. I tried to use examples to show her how absurd this was, but it didn't work. She claims that she really would use even my old work clothes with a company logo on them.

So... What do I do? If I give her my old clothes, she will just find more places to store clothes she never wears and hang onto them forever. If I don't give them to her, she will get mad at me for not hanging onto them forever. In the past she's actually asked for photographic evidence of me wearing a sweater she gave me. I need advice.

TLDR: How do you reconcile your parent caring more for their things than their relationship with you?

I am a child and grandchild of hoarders. My mother was never like my grandmother when i was growing up, until she was laid off 10 years ago had a nervous breakdown and she has been diagnosed with chronic pain conditions and BP2 and hasn't worked since. In my early 20's I took a semester off between HS and college to save up (I had no college fund because my mom was laid off my sophmore year and used what we had to pay bills which I was resentful about for a long time especially considering how much college was pushed as something I HAD to do but that's another story...kind of).

Now I've been working since I was 14 in the field I work in now and that lead to me getting a management position right out of college and within 3 years I was making more than my parents ever had combined and living a pretty typical early 20s life in NYC. The problem was I was overextending and in a very toxic work environment and eventually had a nervous breakdown of my own a bit after my 25th birthday. A large part of this breakdown was my job kept changing the budget of my department and that budget included the company housing for me and my team that we had had approved many times (because the company was in sudden dire financial straights). And so that left me with really one option, to go back home while I figured out where I was going to go next.

Before this period, I was only home for holidays and occasional birthdays because once I got out into the world I told myself I was never coming back to the small town my parents moved to with my grandmother after I graduated but there I was. And worse, my Grandmother had moved in and was now hoarding in my parents home, and worse my mother had started hoarding as well. After I had my own nervous breakdown I worked incredibly hard on my mental and physical health, eventually got back on my feet and got a new job and generally things are on the up and up, except for with my relationship with my mom and the hoarding. Now Im going to give her credit after much strife and yelling and me my dad and sister begging her to get therapy (which she refuses to do), she has started to try to give some things away. But she also refuses to get rid of much more and is always positing about when she could use it next or sell it (I set her up with a truck, racks, a tent and everything else she needed to flea market and went with her 2 weekends last year. and every other time Ive brought it up she has an excuse as to why she can't do it or doesnt want to that weekend (too cold, too hot, last minute lunch here, her back hurts there (fair considering the chronic pain but this is every time)). And it doesnt matter how I ask her to move things or if I can clean something and throw away something if we're not using it she BITES MY HEAD OFF LIKE A GODDAMN ROTTWEILER! And the thing is generally my mother is the sweetest most loving mother EXCEPT FOR WHEN IT COMES TO THIS SHIT! SHIT SHES NOT EVEN USING! So I asked her can she move a few of her suitcases today as they kept falling on my head and I couldnt get into my bedroom without bumping them or stubbing my toe. And she screamed at me telling me I was already ruining her day and causing problems..... Then when we had both calmed down I tried to broach it again and again she yelled at me even calling me a liar and every other name under the sun saying that noone else had a problem getting around the suitcases so I was lying. I lost my mind. This is not the first time we've had it OUT over this issue but I really have been trying to be empathetic and Ive read all the steps about how we're supposed to approach a hoarder and that you can't do anything unless they want help too BUT IT FEELS LIKE AN ENDLESS ROAD AND MY MOTHER IS AT THE END OF THAT ROAD! The woman who cooked me dinner and didnt let the principles single me out as the only black kid in class and went to every play and game and this disease took her from me and it feels like by her not getting help shes happy to let her stuff drive me out of the house and out of her life. IM LOSING TO A STACK OF SUITCASES!

I have tried to and do have so much empathy for the holes in her life that these things fill but IM HER DAUGHTER!? And I cannot reconcile the mother that I know loves me with her whole soul and this woman literally choosing to have 9 suitcases and a manequin she has used exactly 2 times in 10 years beating me over the head and possibly injure her granddog who she also loves every-time I open my door! This is my 13th reason and I immediately (after a sob fest of about an hour) texted my best friend and asked to stay with her in starting september until i can get a new apartment (addendum; the reason I stayed so long was I was laid off and also my mother cries and begs for me to stay everytime I try to leave, and also Ive always dreamed of having my family closer but this close cannot be). And I'm just praying that we can repair our relationship from afar.

I just don't know how to mentally and emotionally metabolize that my mom loves me- but she loves her stuff more than having me around. But I don't want to lose her completely shes everything to me shes funny, and goofy, and pretty dependable (she is my adhd twin so I depend on her to always get there just not on time) and in some ways is my built in bestie or she used to be. Ive always been the child/grandchild that handles everything.

My sister needs help with college applications? I got it. My brother needs help with bills? There. Mom needs her hair done because her hands cramp now doing it? Im there with the Kanekalon. So I can't help but feel like this is abandoning my family in a way but I truly cannot do it anymore its driving me crazier then I already am and I don't have alot of room to spare in that area tbfh. Anyway I guess I just needed to get it out and wanted to know if other people have figured out how to reconcile feeling like the people who are literally biologically predisposed to love you more than a suitcase...chooses the suitcase

My mom is a hoarder, and her parents are also hoarders. She just went through a week of hell with her siblings to help her aging parents sort through stuff to just make their house marginally more safe for them.

Today she said to me, "I'm ready to get a dumpster. I don't want to make you go through what we just went through." That is the first time I've ever heard her even half-acknowledge that she has a problem. I'm shocked and hopeful but also don't want to be naive. I want to keep the momentum going if she's already in this mindset. Welcoming any advice.

A dollar store closed and was selling 30 items for 5 bucks. My mom who has boxes of Christmas decoration and other crap she hoards, bought 30 Christmas ornaments for the tree. Huge bells that are made out of plastic and tacky. She bought gift bags for parties and other events. Like 50 bags even though she already has dozens at home.

I understand buying her wedding anniversary party supply, even if it's a year away, and bottles of medocinal cream you cant fine anywhere else real cheap. But she already has so much crap at home. If I say anything, she tries to frame me as spoiled and ignorant of hard work and money even though my dad is the only one works and if I paid for her anniversary crap with the job I had then. She says we don't understand true poverty and suffering like her and my dad. Since they know it, they won't ever throw away anything they paid for. Or crap they just picked off the street like a Christmas tree.

She then tries to guilt trip me by saying I don't help her with the house chores. It takes 4 to 5 hours to clean because of all the crap I have to move around to clean. Unlike other houses that aren't cluttered and that make you feel inspired to keep it nice and tidy, our house gets dirty frequently because of the hoarding. I am messy but I'm anemic and not a hoarder. Even though I feel guilt throwing things out, especially with inflation and being unemployed at the moment, I just don't see the point in keeping things like a broken wardrobe that my dad promised to fix more than half a year ago so my mom could sell it. They always keep broken crap and say they will sell it to refashion it into something useful, but it just stays at home for months or years without anyone touching it.

She has kept nuts and raisins and chilies, some of which I would bring back home from my school because I did not eat during lunch, in our fridge basket for more six to ten years ago. She blamed me for not helping her cook, which I do help, and says she would have used them for certain dishes if I did. She buys too much food, gets mad if I tell her it's too much, and food goes bad because it's all squished together and we lose track of what we have. She blames me for not storing and organizing it correctly. Meaning to do it like her. Which is just staking everything together but for some reason it's ok because it's her and she knows what she's doing so it's not her fault that everything goes bad.

Our closets are full of free crap given away at fair or events. Like if the radio station has a booth at health fair. She'd force us to get in line at every single booth with free fans, key chains, cup warmer, hand sanitizer, product demos, pens, plushies, etc. She hoards it and gets mad if i tryto throw it away even if she didn't pay a cent because its free promo crap.

I can't even get rid of clothes, she keep worn and torned clothes to fashion into rags that she forgets to use. She dug thru the trash to pick clothes I thre away because it didnt fit and it doesnt fit her fat ass. Even if it has holes, she's kept them.

I am so tired because i can't move out that easily. I am anemic and my associates degree is worthless. There's no work from home positions anymore. Id make it late to work and just lay on my bed when I was home. I wonder if my mom would hoard less if i had a job and therefore more income.would she then feel like she didnt need to hoard useless crap because we had more spare change. But idk. We just every time i suggest we declutter.

I've been meaning to make a post like this for years. I feel that all of us in this group already experienced something fairly "unique" I guess you could say, but I've always felt that my situation was FAR too unique for anybody else to relate to, and that has made it harder to cope/heal all these years because I feel so alone. In one aspect, I hope nobody else had to experience a situation similar to mine because they have probably felt very alone too, but I'm sure all of you can understand what I mean when I say it's just nice to know that you're not "the only one" in another aspect entirely. The main drive behind my mother's hoarding when I was a teen was my mother "needing" to keep all of my baby brother's "firsts". She also "needed" to see every single one of his firsts, every situation for every first had to be just right.

So, just in case the horrifying possibility of her blinking(no exaggeration whatsoever) and missing even a millisecond of a first of his happened, she began utilizing her camcorder and using nearly every cent we ever had on buying tapes for her camcorder so that she wouldn't miss anything. This quickly led to her making me recording person any moment I was available, and if I recorded "wrong", if I tripped over anything from her hoarding collection, if I couldn't walk backwards quickly enough, if my hand got to sweaty and it slipped a little during my baby brother's action and made it a bit blurry, she would beat me/shove me against or downward onto hard or sharp-ish objects and scream/curse at me at the top of her lungs for what seemed to be an eternity(to the point of her spit all over my face and my ears in immense pain/ringing.

Here are some examples of my brother's firsts: first time eating a different type of cereal, first time touching a raspberry bush, first time touching a blueberry bush, first time using a different brand of diapers, first time slipping a tennis shoe on, first time slipping a sandal on, one time she wouldn't let us out of her car in a store parking lot for 3 hrs because she ran out of video tape and couldn't catch a snowflake touching him for the first time on camera and we were nearly out of gas to keep us warm enough and she had to tie various things together to create a "blanket" big enough to rush him carefully into the store and ensure not a single snowflake touched him, etc.

She would keep me up almost all night(even school nights) screaming, begging, asking the same questions over and over again for hours(sometimes just rewording), for example, "Are you sure he touched this leaf instead of that leaf? Are you sure? Are you sure it was this leaf? Are you sure it wasn't that leaf? How sure are you? So, you're saying he touched that leaf instead? And it wasn't that leaf?..." for hours till I'd be bawling and screaming and then she would beat me for bawling and screaming or for shutting down and not answering her. Then, she'd have to go and cut off the whole branch off that bush and add it to her hoarding collection. After I'd come home from school where I only got an hr of sleep, I'd have to take care of/raise my baby brother because he'd be so neglected due to our mother not realizing her hoarding/recording obsession was taking hrs instead of minutes.

I let this go on for a few years because I "knew" I could save her. I "knew" I could bring her back to being the awesome, compassionate, attentive, loving mother that she was for several yrs. It took me too long to realize I was wrong, that she was swallowed whole, and she was nothing but this monster. This all just scrapes the surface, just an appetizer. Can anyone else mostly relate to this unique/bizarre-as-absolute-hell experience? If you don't feel comfortable commenting much of anything here, please, reach out to me in SOME way. I'd appreciate it SSOOOO MUCH. Feel free to ask me questions, just try not to make assumptions, please. <3

Is anyone else's hoarder's house a jungle because of no outside care taken either...

My aunt, my dad’s younger sister, emailed my brother & I suggesting that we get our elderly parents an air conditioner because of the heat wave. The problem was never getting an air conditioner, the problem was installing it because of all the clutter from hoarding. I want to write my aunt this long email telling her what’s been going on for years & how we can’t do much to help. Then I’m worried about if she brings it up to my dad how they will react. It’s been a secret that most members of the family don’t know about.

I also feel if I tell her, it could open a dialogue & more people could help them with the problem.

....

I’m feeling lost and not sure what to do. I’m an adult but still living with my mother who became a cat hoarder. It started about 6 years ago when we moved into our new house together because I needed extra help with my newborn daughter. Some lady my parents knew from a few years ago abandoned her 2 cats at a house my dad was repairing. we noticed she locked them inside the house and left no food or water for them. Absolutely horrified, I ended up bringing them home with me and taking care of them. A couple weeks later that lady came back and demanded we gave her cats back. Only for her to leave them on our front door step when she found out one of them had kittens(9 of them). My mother tried reaching out to the shelters and all of them were full. We tried getting some of them fixed but we weren’t fast enough and the number of them grew and grew. Then Covid happened, making it even worse. We were able to rehome many of them to good homes but not fast enough and it was really hard to get them all fixed. Flash forward to today, they’ve taken over our house and it’s getting harder and harder to clean everyday. We clean but it’s a never ending cycle. My mother spends hundreds of dollars on food every month for them and we’ve replaced and repaired our house multiple times due to damage. My mother clearly has mental health issues and has gone into this freeze state of depression and escape. She doesn’t clean at all and has multiple health issues. I wanna call someone but I’m scared because I don’t want my daughter to be taken away. I live in the upper part of the house where I try to keep it as clean as possible for her but the downstairs area is really bad. More than 20+ cats. I fear she was already a hoarder and this lady leaving her cat and kittens with us made it worse. I feel like everything is out of my control and I want to call someone for help but I don’t know who to call and I’m scared of what will happen if I do. I know I can just leave her and move out but I’m scared that it’ll just get worse and she won’t be able to pay the bills. I’m so scared something will happen to my daughter if I call someone. We are good people who tried to help but it ended up doing more harm than good. We can’t do this alone and I feel so bad for all of these cats. They’re so sweet and I wish I could give each and every one of them a loving home but it’s getting so hard. I just need advice. Has anyone gone through this and how did you make it out? It’s starting to weigh so heavy on me and my family. I can’t take the weight anymore. :(

Just wondering does anyone here have experience with a Hoarded home being burned on purpose or on accident. I saw a statistic that 1 out of 3 fire victims in the US burned in a Hoarded house. I am waiting to see pictures of the damage to our family home. Allegedly arson was the cause of the fire and not a hoarding accident but this happened the day before yesterday. Mom is the hoarder but Adult son is suspect and he was intoxicated at the time, he is in jail now. A cat died from smoke inhalation in the house, No one else was injured as far as I have been told. I wonder if there is any likelihood of a frame job from the hoarder (has blamed him for messes in the past, seeking attention or claiming victimhood) or if this is open and shut, pushing the "kid" too far and he finally lost it. Or just mutual negligence creating a perfect storm. Have not been told where fire originated or the extent of the damage except from Mom "our house was burned down pretty much" Not even gonna lie I got frustrated enough a few times to wish it over the years living there, but I have been away for almost 3 years now, finally broke out of the cycle of thinking I could help change the mess. I am just glad my family is still alive.

We live across the country from my parents, but are visiting them now. When we go to their house, we stay outside and sit in the yard.

Of course, we need to use the bathroom while we’re there. My Mom will say “Oh, so sorry it’s such a mess in there!” Like Mom… I know. I know it’s messy in there and you don’t have to act like it’s a new problem. It actually kind of makes me mad when she says that. It’s dark and dusty and smells like a wet dog. I took my child inside quickly to use the bathroom and they took notice and asked a lot of questions.

“Why do they have so much stuff? It’s so messy in here! You’d kill me if I had that many clothes! You’d never let my room look like that! Why are they okay with this?” (I said, That’s a good question. I’m not sure.)

I’m sure most of us try to not expose our children to that environment, but I’m just curious if your children have seen the hoard and have made any comments about it.

My dad is 77 and my mum is 82. Sadly, my mum is living with Alzheimer's and has been for six years; she is still verbal but is slowly disappearing. Before she was diagnosed, she was a hoarder and this caused massive family problems. My dad was especially angry about the whole thing and wished he could clean up the house. On man occasions, my mum said that the problem was my dad as well. Regardless, our family home where they still live was at about a 5, with 25% of the rooms up to 9.

When my mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, my siblings felt that we could finally do something about clearing out the house. However, this has not been possible as, plot twist, it turns out that my dad is also a hoarder. I am not sure if my mum actually was a hoarder but it is clear that my dad is much worse as their house is now at about a level 7 throughout the house and 50% of the rooms are now at a 9. My mum's Alzheimer's means that at any point, if my dad wanted to, he could clear out the house as she would not remember anything. But he refuses to do this and the house has gotten so much worse in the last six years.

Unfortunately, my dad is my mum's carer and they continue to live in their house. They use the living room, the kitchen, their bedroom, and one bathroom. I suppose this is actually quite good for hoarders! However, the house is filthy and completely unhygienic and has rats. I won't go into the details; you all know the drill. Most of the time that I visit, my mum is in old, dirty clothes and smells of urine or feces. Her hair has dreaded in many places and she has a fungal infection on her toes and feet. She also told me that she has an itch between her legs and I think this is from sitting in urine. I have tried my best to try to keep her clean, but it is really difficult to find clean clothes and, even if I manage to clean her, cut her hair, and deal with her feet, within a week or two, it is back to normal.

My dad is at the stage of complete denial. He refuses to admit that he has a problem. He gets so angry that today, he nearly hit me when we were talking about it; he is 6"2 and probably weighs about 300lbs so this was frightening. I tried to calm him down and tried to reassure him that I wanted to help him but he became malicious and said that I was autistic (I am not) and that was why I was being so insensitive.

He does not want to discuss any alternatives for my mum's care and so we have no choice but to let her stay there. Legally, we have no standing on this either. We live in the UK and the NHS crisis caused by the useless Tories (who are trying to get our health service sold to their mates) means that the local council has taken more than seven months to do a care assessment. I have tried to get help from our local councilors but they have not helped very much. I spoke to my dad's GP the other day (as I needed to check up on my mum's health) and they asked if they thought there were any problems at the home and I mentioned the hoarding and they did not know that he is a hoarder. In my conversation today, I tried to get him to see if he could talk to his GP about his problem. As he thinks that the he is not a hoarder and that my mum is the problem, he got very angry when I suggested this; this was what led to him nearly hitting me.

Which leads me to the point of writing this. Should I report my dad for neglect and possible violence in the household? This could mean that my mum is removed from the house, which would devastate my dad. But is my mum safe in this house with him?

My dad has a level 5 hoarding house with a horrible rat infestation and serious water damage. Last night my mom fell through the floor and didn't have access to her phone, so she was stuck for 3 1/2 hours. As far as I know she plans on moving out soon but I'm scared of this type of thing happening more and I don't know what to do. The housing crisis is my crisis as it's not easy for them to just move these days of course and I'm sure others here feel the same.

My dad was talking about how when you get a house condemned you still have to pay for it so he wouldn't be able to pay for two places to live like that as their mortgage is less than half the price of an apartment or motel rate these days as well. So his plan is to just "fix up" the place, but it's so horribly damaged that I think they should just build some sort of small unit that has the necessities to live in. But it's not like that is easy either. It takes time, and he has work, and I have work and my own life now. I feel like I need to give up my own life and go fix the house, even though when I try it never gets fixed. Is there anything I can do?

how do you pay for hoarding bio hazard cleaning? do you have to pay out of pocket or have you ever had adult protective services or an adult mental health team cover the costs? some of these professional cleans are costing $4-5k.