I've left relationships before, I've left relationships in nonmonogamy before. I'll admit I'm rarely the one with a broken heart, something I have been working on for many years in therapy, but the depth of my pain has surprised me.

I always maintain control over myself and my surroundings but I love letting go with the right people and places. I've alwags been told I am a good Domme and I do try. I try to learn, grow, nurture, accept criticism and improve my skills. I try to love in the ways I am capable of, while always being forthright and consensual with my limitations.

You and I, my little one, we went too far. We moved from our dynamic into being girlfriends and something broke away. It felt right in so many ways and I pondered my future with you constantly. How could I weave you into a life I planned decades before I met you? With only a few years to go until retirement you enraptured me from the moment I met you. I was drawn to you, we became obsessed together. I turned 37 a few days ago and not having you on your knees infront me as you have been for big moments before ~ leaves me aching.

I think I made the right decision to let you go. I so believe you need and so deeply deserve a committment that I can't provide for you. You deserve your garden, your farm, your creatures. I love you but I don't love you in the way that you should be loved.

I often wonder if we had remained in our cage, kept our dynamic as it had been so happily for so many years if we would still be deeply, lovingly entwined in the best dynamic I've ever known. You are the last I will ever collar. This has been too much, too hard to let go of. Losing your touch, your trust and devotion, losing my friend....its raw and so awful.

I love you so much and miss you every single day. Its been almost 5 months now and a dozen emails or so in exchange, so I know you are okay. It's too awkward, painful. I want it to all suddenly be okay but it can't ever be okay. We aren't us anymore and it's really hard to acknowledge that truth.

That constant ache will go away and I wonder if when it does if I'll miss that too?

నేను ఇంకా ఎన్నాళ్లు ఈ నొప్పి ఓర్చాలి?

నీ వలపు కాకపోతే, నాకు నీ తోడు మరి నీ నేస్తము కావాలి।

It's approaching us quickly. The only ref I can come up with for this date is from V for Vendetta, with Natalie Portman, I think isn't it?

Nevertheless, thoughts of you have calmed down substantially. You might have noticed I stopped trying to reach out or send emails to you. You still have me blocked, I know this bc your Fb profile is still active. I'm sorry for blowing up your inboxes all those times and ultimately leading you to delete your main account on here. Truly I am.

I hadn't written here in awhile so, I got a wild hair and decided to drop a line. (Obviously I know you don't frequent here, so there's no chance you'd read what I'd have to write).

Several tags I always look up are coheed, your name, my name, and mostly band names that were significant to our history. Just get bored some days and honestly wonder how you're doing and all. I had been doing this for years, never to reach out or cross any lines not needing to be crossed, then wala! One Day I decide to send you a message on messenger. Foul play on my part, I didn't realize how strong my feelings for you still were, then I did and it scared the holy hell out of me. Whoops!

This is about all, nothing new going on with me, just hoping you're well and yours are well.

Until next time my dear, not sure what you could be deemed as other than a pertinent ex in my life.

Love Always,

😉😊🤷‍♀️🤌

Hey, A.

I just wanted to wish You happy birthday! May this and every day afterwards would be full of joy and pleasures. And thank You for being here, on this soil: everywhere you go, places, thanks to You, become brighter and warmer. Thanks for spreading kindness around.

I wish I was as brave as you are and would contact You in real life. But here I am.

Hoping that You are feeling well. Missing You, V.

Yeah with all your lies and crap you have done to me and our daughter I dont find you attractive anymore. And if that kind of person is your type now I didnt loose anything really. It just shows more of how you are shallow, a hallow shell of a person. And how you were never who you presented to be. You always wore a mask. Always lied. Hid stuff. And even after the fact cause issue drama, more lies, more abuse. Yeah no being back there tonight solidified it for me. I made the right choice. And it was never supposed to be you. Good luck in life I still dont trust or like you. And honestly she could have more respect around our kid and I. But you chad of a man, cheater whatever other label, its clear where your priorities are and whats actually important to you. Its not our kid. And thats the sad thing above all else in this. Peace dude Im glad we ended✌️

The dreams are finally starting to slow down. At least for the time being..

Last night, I dreamt of you. I'm writing about this one because the past 14 days have just been unhappy and miserable ones.

In this one, we were on our way to a date. But somehow, we were in Asia. Singapore or maybe Bangkok, not sure. Hot, humid but lively, loud and extremely thrilling and electric. As usual, I got ready way ahead of you. But as is in real life.. "was", rather.. I sat down on the couch and watched you. Make up - mascara that pumps your eyelashes up and reinforces how hard your eyes pierces through me, deep red lipstick that mesmerized me ever so fiercely and those dots on the sides of your eyes that can hypnotize a fucking dinosaur. Your hair - big, raven colored, curly just the way you know drives me crazy and the scent that just makes you go "ahhhhhhmmmmm" when it hits your nose. The dress....... "looks nice on you still and it always will." My God, do you ever wear them things. Black, long, velvet with a bit of sparkle to it, streamlined to conform to your perfectly slender body. Hugged your hips thoroughly but appropriately. Of course, you wore no underwear and you made sure I caught a small hint. The shoes - even in my dream, you still were thinking of your "just made the cut in height" king. A modest 2 inch heel so as to not tower over me. You know I'd fucking climb you either way, my long legged queen. On your skin, Lempicka coming from every inch of you and it made me drunk. Oils and lotions smelling like it came from only the most exotic corners of the world. Transports you to a magical paradise with one whiff.

I wait a long time to see you and the final product. In my dreams and in reality, I'd wait hours for you. I know you love when you get to see my reaction but God if you only knew how you look in my eyes. It was a great dream. First one in a while. That's all I've got now. I love you to... and back.

Irretrievably yours, B.

I took the advice of someone on here who meant well. I unblocked her, we spoke, and immediately saw each other. Her son is the most precious child I've ever seen. For some reason, he wants to come live with me. That doesn't matter...

Months ago we had it set up that she would move in with me, we would make a go at this relationship that we both wanted, or so I thought. About three weeks from when she could move in, she disappears for two weeks. This made me not trust her. I gave her back her things (which were stolen immediately after) and left a trite little message about how it was alright and I understood.

Flash to Tuesday, she texts me. She said that I had asked for a do over, for us to meet up while she was in town with her son who was having dental work done. I was in disbelief. Surely I wasn't getting what I wanted. To hold her hand. To be hers and she mine.

Her ex had sent a lewd picture of them together, and that just....took the wind out of my sails. I couldn't un-see it. I finally had the courage to tell her that THAT was what put me off. That was what made me run.

The next day, I get a message on another platform from her ex. This time, I do not read it. It all makes sense, suddenly. He was reading our conversation. He was sitting next to her. It was a sick game with a sicker goal.

I knew in that instant that I had been wearing rose colored glasses for a while, when it came to her. He didn't send those. She did. And she was back, to make me suffer.

That was when I knew. I had fallen out of love, with her. She only wanted to punish me and to comfort herself.

So, if you read this, and this story sounds familiar to you, know that I know. I've had enough. You sicken me, now. How anyone could do something like that and pretend like they're a decent human being is beyond me.

All I'm saying is, if you have them blocked, if it didn't work out, if you just can't make it happen, there's a reason for that. Trust and honor yourself and your decisions. Don't play into dumb shit and make sure you don't have on those rose colored glasses.

I left her in that hell that she had created for herself. And there she will remain.

are you okay? one day i woke up and every tie i had to you was gone. we had been talking about you getting treatment and it was getting late so i fell asleep. i regretted that. would things have been different if i was there for you? that was really scary and i was desperate for awhile to find you again. i really regretted not pressing you for personal information when things were better. i hope you got help and just left me behind because i was bad for you.

i think nowadays i’m not in love with you anymore, but i’d be lying if i said i wasn’t still in love with the times i was with you. i really did want you and i wanted you to get better. it took me like 2 years to accept that i’ve still been looking at your replacements. to accept that it’s not just a weird preference. it’s not a preference at all. i’m happy i’m not weird but i still feel twisted.

i’m starting to be able to listen to the songs you introduced to me (only a couple seconds though) and the ones i introduced to you because i was hoping they’d convey my feelings about you when we first started talking. now they just remind me of you. they make me wonder what i could’ve done better. they make me hope that you’re happier because i know we really weren’t good together. i know now how messed up we both were… i mean our ages made a pretty significant fraction. i think being 18 now started unlocking some of the promises we made for when i reached the age. it felt so distant then so we rushed. it really wasn’t anything at all. i regret it so much, but i know it’s better this way.

i haven’t met anyone else with freckles, but i think i might have a crisis on my hands the moment i do. i still panic when i hear your name or any name that starts with the same letter. i’ve tried so hard to forget you, but i only realized now how much hiding you has left me longing for you.

i’ve moved on, but i still think of you as my friend. please be okay. i still cry when i think about you but it’s just because i’m scared that you’re dead.

It’s your birthday tomorrow. November 1st. I’ve been seeing the day get closer and closer reminding myself it’s coming up. It’s a date that will forever be burned into my thoughts because I regret not making your birthdays better. I will always wish I had another chance to do things right.

Youre 31 tomorrow and i remember when we met you weren’t even old enough to drink. 10 years ago on your birthday we went to old Wilmington in North Carolina. It was a perfect day. It was a quiet crisp fall day. There was no crowd and the bars we went to were empty. I remember holding your hand as we walked through the sloped streets. I never wanted that moment to end and I knew I had to go back to my training once it was all over. I remember you started getting insecure when you were drunk and you were doubting that I love you. I got so frustrated I yelled at you like a crazy person. It wasn’t ok. I ruined your first birthday with me. And it was the start of our toxic relationship. We both needed help so bad.

It’s been a whole year since you’ve blocked me and 3 since our relationship ended, but I think of you every day. You are the love of my life and that will never change. I wish you could see the person I’ve grown to be today. And I wish this growth came sooner before I failed you. I love you with all my heart and I hope we can talk again one day. Happy Brithday bubs.

You know. If T hadn't told me about your handfasting aka marriage, right. I probably would have had a whole different conversation with you that day. But. He told me because I'm sure he noticed. Anyone with eyes noticed. But have you noticed.

Oh God. I hope I'm not one of those, God she's annoying with her crush on me, kindof people.

Z, Its been 5 months. I moved on, but the urge to ask you how you are is big.

I miss the old times, the times that we had daily conversations. The moments we had conversations it lit up my day. I felt safe.

The result of feeling safe was getting to attached, exactly from now it is 5 months that we havem't spoken. I still can't forget about your face. Your smile. Your voice.

It is better this way since i was way in love, i hope i still can get that closing honest conversation where we are both honest with each other. Secretly i still hope that i see you in the metro or somewhere in public. I do not think that will happen.

I miss you as a person Z

i love you always and forever i am okay with seeing you as a shooting star admiring you as you cross the sky admiring as i lay here you are more to me than i can express sometimes life brings people around just close enough to help you see the possibilities i hope we can get the chance to actually see each other face to face to share songs, cuddle, make love to dream fantasy blurred to real ecstasy for now i stay head in the clouds gazing at the stars xoxo s

I've been doing better. Crying less. Thinking of you less. Getting out more. Making new memories.

But I got pulled in tonight. Thinking of, since it's your favorite holiday.

Hope you had a good day. I actually did, for once.

But, I know it’s too late. And I know what would happen.

I wish, I wish with all of my heart I could find you tonight and you would kiss me. That you would say you’re sorry, I’d tell you everything and say I was sorry.

Then we would have awesome sex all night long and become best friends.

I know it won’t happen. And I know It doesn’t matter what I wish for.

But, if my wishes ever came true.

I’d wish to be with you again. Id throw away every wish I made, to be with you again.

Even though I know, it would hurt me.

I wish you loved me. I wish a part of me didn't hate you. I know you did your best, but when your best is saying "this is unnecessary" when your child is having a panic attack, Curled up on the floor, ripping out their hair then you clearly aren't trying to see me as my own person...

Ya'know, you lie a lot, you always mention how much better of a parent you are because I didn't have five child before I turned twenty or how I'm not on drugs or drinking, but you always sidestep that fact I've gone to therapy more than I went to school, the multiple birthdays I've spent in a mental ward, how I never introduced you to someone I was dating, how I only left the house twice a year if you were lucky, or how I only showered once a month during Highschool.

You speak to me as if you know every last detail of who I am, yet can't answer the most basic of questions about me. What's my favorite color? What's my favorite food? How tall am I? Name one of my previous partners. What's my sexuality? What are my political views? What's my name?

You are always so quick to cry when you pick me up from therapy but once we get in the car, back to normal, never asking questions. Worried enough to cry but not enough to ask a simple "how was it?"? Even when you 'v sat in on a session, the things I sad about you and how I feel, still nothing? Like it never happened... You were probably giving me space instead of prying, but really... The amount of times I just need my mom to hug me only to be left with you talking about dinner or people I've never met is awful. The only thing that topped it was when you lied to me about someone in the family harming themselves, you said it wasn't a thing before I went into the mental ward for the first time, you probably wanted to ask me if I was or something but when I said I should talk to them about it, I saw the regret on your face.

Sorry I wasn't the perfect Angel you wanted, but I'm not the devil you see me as either. I'm just... Robin. But I guess you wouldn't know that either...

P.S. Please stop bring up my middle school crush... It's been over ten years, let it go.

Shojkd have knkwn better god dam u both have got me gopd i see how we bot have wat 15 reddit Accountz and as many discord lovely really dam fumny how it works when uall r busy umm umm ok .... Om out lady and gents im hrt

I was almost ready to come see you. I’ve gone back and forth for months about whether I should or shouldn’t, and I was finally almost ready. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to see you? Every time I visit, it fucking kills me. It kills me because I want us more than I’ve ever wanted anything. Not once over the last 8 years or so have I met anyone who makes me feel like you do/did. I’d give up a lot for you, but I’m not sure that you’d ever do the same unfortunately. I respect you and your decision to call this off, but I really don’t like it; it’s brings back up feelings I’ve never wanted to feel again.

Hun, I can’t just sit here watching you tear yourself apart, you know? I can’t just choose to sit here and watch you pull yourself down and beat yourself up over every little thing that happens- I’m more than happy to fight for your happiness, but you’ve got to let me help you…

I know you’re trying to protect me, dear. I just can’t accept my safety by compromising yours. I’d rather face everything with you than let you slowly break apart from the inside, because in my eyes you’re all these lovely wonderful things, my love.

Remember it goes both ways, my angel. You’ve given me your all, and I’m here trying my best to give you everything I could. You’ve let me express, now please allow me to help you open up too.

All I ever want from you is for you to feel loved and cared for. For you to have a chance at happiness and hope for a better future. And I see the whole world in your eyes, my love, even when you cry.

I hope one day I can get you to see the grace and elegance that you truly are.

My hurting sweetheart, I’ll be here.

~C

I haven't moved on ,I still very much think of you in my daily life ,hoping you would text ,I texted your phone no reply a couple weeks ago ,I wonder do you still feel the magnetic pull ,I want to just go out and find you ,but that would be crazy ,I wish that day never happened I wish we could have got through it ,I miss you I want to hold you ,I want you to wrap around me like we are one I need your body to comfort me your eyes to tell me I am okay ,the way you grab pull me closer to assure our comfort,I love you still ,I wish you would contact me I miss you so much it hurts sometimes,like right now as I write ,here I sit we're we started looking at all the places we blessed in our home ...... I love you today I will love you tommrrow and always bebe

I'm a huge failure alcoholic my ex cheated on me with multiple people and I lost my job because I wasn't mentally strong enough to handle that and due to having no support I ended up homeless living in my car and now I'm not even the same person I look in the mirror and don't even know who I am or what I could even do to go back to who I was. My life is a living nightmare and I honestly have given up on myself and life. No one could ever care about me and I think about jumping off the parking structure at my old job every day. I see families walking together and happy people and I don't think that could ever be my life again it doesn't even seem like that was me because it seems like a whole other life. I don't even consider myself a person anymore just a ghost waiting to wither away. Alone on every holiday. Alone even in my own thoughts and heart because I feel so damaged I abandoned myself.

i ruined it tonight. you ruined it too. how sweet that we destroyed it together. you’re going to PA tomorrow and i will take this as an opportunity to distance. i promise to be so cordial that the flight will be SO chill. im so drunk and i fear you’re not as good of a person as you pretend to be. i can support you… from a distance. bye pookie. it was fun being codependent while it lasted.

I can’t remember if I’ve told you this before or not.

It was our first time meeting. You were coming back to the table and you came up behind me, wrapped your arm around me and kissed my head.

I don’t know why that simple act touched me like it did, but if I had to point to a moment that stole my heart, that’s the one.

It just felt right. It felt like home.

I held Chandler in my arms today as they euthanized him. My heart shattered into a million pieces as I watched my best friend leave me. It was one of the most painful things I have ever had to do and I've been in so much pain all day. I can't stop crying and I haven't eaten much all day.

And on top of it I can still hear your cruel words you said in your email. I guess my first email was pretty angry and mean too, but I was so angry with you because you have treated me like a secondary choice to so many other things in your life. And when you called me a covert narcissist I was just floored. I asked everyone I know if they thought that I was and no one agreed. They said narcissists don't care about how other people feel, they don't have true empathy unless it serves them a purpose.

Your email painted me as a good digging, evil woman and to think that you've felt this way about me all along just kills me. I'm sorry that you saw me that way but all I wanted from you was companionship and comfort, support. I wanted someone to grow old with, to help through their tough times and encourage them when they needed it. But I always felt like you kept me at an arms length, just a breath away from your feelings. Your cold exterior never melted much and that made me feel like I had failed, failed to show you how much I could love you. You didn't even notice that I backed off a lot.

I won't come back this time. I'm moving on because I deserve someone who reciprocates my feelings. I need someone who can look me in the eye and tell me he can't live without me. Someone who would fight for me. I was hoping that was you but you made your choice, and we can never have what I imagined we'd be.

Thank you for being the best friend I’ve had for 3 months. It’s the happiest I’ve been in a year and I have you to thank for that. Thank you for making me laugh and helping me look forward to every morning and every night (which was your morning due to time difference). Thank you for sharing snippets of your life with me everyday and letting me feel like I was part of it. Thank you for understanding me and being the best friend anybody could ask for. I have been depressed for an entire year and you were the one that actually helped me push it deep deep down and helped me ignore it. I don’t know what you’re going through right now but today is a week you haven’t told me “good morning” after almost 2 months of doing it everyday. It was the best part of my day. To think of you waking up and getting ready for work and I got to be the first one you spoke to. Now that’s over. Something that made me happy everyday was something that made you unhappy for some reason. I still don’t understand it but I’m sitting here watching the clock and watching your name in my inbox, hoping today is the day we continue our morning tradition and I get my friend back but it doesn’t seem like it and it breaks me so much. You said the first day was a genuine mistake of not having time to text me but now it’s been 7 days. Maybe I was a burden to you and you didn’t want to tell me. I’m sorry I made you unhappy with my good mornings. I’m sorry I wasn’t a good enough friend. I’m sorry you hate me now. I’m sorry for ruining the best thing I’ve had in a year in my life.

I wish you knew how much my heart hurts. How much I grieve to see your message pop up on my phone. How depressed I am everyday waiting for a message that never comes. I’ll sit here and wait every night hoping it goes back to normal but I don’t know if it ever will. Now i’m back on Reddit after almost a month of being away from it. I don’t even have the energy to make any more new friends because I don’t want to be abandoned again 😔 I wish you knew how much I was to just end my life and be out of this misery. Please come back.

Stop pretending to be loyal, stop pretending like you love me. I see right thru you. Get over yourself. You can't accept the fact your stupid ex don't want you. Honestly, I'm starting to see why. If you treated your ex anything like you have been treating me, just wow. Fuck off and grow up.

Well there that abount somes it up if that was u that was heart breaking wow u went to great lenghts to avoid me i felt like the.like i was a.homelss dud begging for changne never..seen that be for well u made it so very clear im gonna not ..... laters plz dont let her be sad if u did have my son then dont let him be alone .....iam wat iam im diffrent i told yall this im diffrent its like driving big ass truxk any¹ that knows it gets in blood lol thats me

dear.em, i remember when we first met when in our late teens; i thought you where the most beautiful girl i had ever seen; on top of your physical beauty i saw this contrast in you between a delicate flower that needed nurturing/protecting, and this wild child who gave me a window into a world of drugs and parties that i had not been exposed to before. i remember your relationships where complex, you'd stay with the assholes and cheat on/mistreat the nice guys.

when we reconnected in our 20s i had exited a long-term relationship; i understood that i wanted to explore different sides of my personality, to enjoy been young, to live life. when you showed interest in me, when we became lovers, you opened up that world to me. you helped me understand i was attractive and worthy of someone like you.

even then, i understood i struggled with intimacy, especially with committed relationships; now i understand i have a challenging attachment style, i experienced abuse when i was young and this gave me conflicting views of intimacy, i understood it could be good, but also a source of pain. i understand now that i was seeking intimate relationships without the overbearing emotions that commitment, possession, gave me. I was seeking a way to be my true authentic self with someone. i guess i understood that relationships could be a source of pain for you too. at the time, i internalized that i needed to protect myself, to hold back my true feelings for you, to try and forbid myself from falling in love with you. i think for some moments i was able to share my authentic self with you and i felt you did with me.

i lacked the maturity and tools to maintain the relationship i really desired with you, that showing up as my authentic self, really allowing my self to enjoy and share how i really felt about you. i did not understand let alone have the skills to comunicate my motivation for non-monogmy was driven by what i was emotionally able to handle at the time vs some man wanting cake and eat it sex thing, its something i didn't understand.

maybe i am projecting that you had the same needs as me, that you found committed relationships a source of pain, but sometimes i imaging a universe where we both understood that about ourselves and each other that we could have shared our full authentic selfs and remained lovers.

more recently, as i've practiced self care, radical self forgivness, i've come to reframe my interpretation of our relationship in the years after we were lovers. for years my view of us through that time was that it was a little f'ed up, unhealthy, but i realize now that those views where driven by guilt, shame and confusion.

30 years later, as i learn more about the different forms love takes, how unconventional relationship can have just as much meaning as traditional forms. i now see that time differently. i see how we created our unique form of emotional intimacy, that we connected in a very deep way that fit with what we were capable of at that time; that we showed up for each other; that we were there for each as we both slowly healed and learned how to achieve more traditional forms of non f'ed up relationships. i now see this period as something deeply romanic, our unconventional love story, our Breakfast at Tiffanies. i see now that i was deeply in love with you in this unconventional way.

thank you for sharing that period of your life with me, you gave me many gifts and it has brought me joy to reflect on this period.

my eternal unconventional love, x

You know, I think you know how badly I’d like for you to reach out. But you’ve found someone who you want to pursue a possible future with. Which is good all the same because I don’t want to be in love right now and I know being in each others lives I could not keep myself from eventually falling in love with you. I fuel the fire with these delusions thinking you will eventually at least reach out but then I remember I asked you to let me go I asked for “boundaries”. I just want you in my life but I know maybe I’m not allowed to have you there either so for some who 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒅 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 you do have a unique way of showing it. I still cling to those words never the less. But pride stands in the way, I won’t be the one to break no contact first especially if you’re happier now. That’s really all that truly matters to me, okay wait I am a fucking liar. I don’t have it in me to be the bigger person. There’s that pride again, maybe one day I’ll mean it. In the beginning I asked you just to be my friend, maybe one day we’ll get there on that front too.

I keep praying about not wanting to lose you, but if staying at my job means that I get to keep you, I think that I need to lose you. It's not worth how unhappy that place makes me. I'm ready to move on from it. I know when I see you next, my resolve will waiver and my feelings will get the best of me because you have that effect on me. When I no longer have to see you, maybe getting over you won't be so hard.

I want you spoon with you, I want your arms around me. I want to know your heart. I want to know your fears, your hopes, your dreams, your secrets. I want to be able to tell each other anything. I want our lips to touch. I want our fingers to intertwine. I want to know what annoys you. I want to know about your childhood. I want to hear you laugh. I want to know how you smell, how you taste. I want to know how your face looks when you’re sleepy, how your voice sounds when you first wake up. I want to know how your hugs feel. I want to lay my head on your chest and listen to your heartbeat. I want your sick days, your anxious moments. I want to sit in silence with you, just being near you would be enough. I want lazy weekend mornings with you, the soft light of dawn spilling into the room, sipping a cup of tea with you. When the world feels too much I want to be the person you turn to, to make you feel better or try to. I want to be your safe place. I want to lie in bed with you and share whispers and soft kisses. I want to share laughter with you. I want to feel the warmth of your skin against mine, as the world fades away into a gentle hum. I want to make you happy. I want to share rainy afternoons with you. I want to share sleepless nights with you. I want you in every way, your mess, your self proclaimed flaws. I want your random thoughts. I want to cuddle you with my head in your lap as you play with my hair as we watch a Wes Anderson movie. I want to hold your hand as we cross the street together. I want to cook and bake for you. I want to read all of your favorite books. I want to know all parts of you. I want to explore bookstores and cafes with you. I want to go record shopping with you. I want to go to the movies and lay my head on your shoulder. I want to watch sports with you. I want to look into your blue eyes. I want you in so many ways, A.

I want you to want me like this too. I just want you. I want your love. I want you to want my love. You can have me, if you want me. My heart is already yours. I want you to fall for me like I’ve fallen for you. <3

I wish I was brave enough to tell you this. But, I can’t risk losing you. That’s why I distance myself, or try to. I’m scared. I’m insane most likely. Or so these feelings are making me feel.

Love always,

K.