/r/oneliners

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Post your favorite oneliners!

Rules

Rule 1: Posts must be oneliners.

Generally a oneliner is a joke that is written in one sentence. If your post does not meet this requirement, it will be removed.

Rule 2: No recent reposts.

Try and keep reposts to a minimum. Use the search function to see if your oneliner has been posted recently (in the last 6 months) to avoid reposts.

Rule 3: General Reddiquette must be followed.

Your post/comment may be removed if it violates general reddiquette. Read about it here.

Rule 4: Moderators Discretion.

The moderators reserve the right to remove content deemed inappropriate for the subreddit.

Friends of Oneliners

/r/oneliners

183,632 Subscribers

1

Release without intimacy

0 Comments
2024/12/05
18:29 UTC
3

Show me a man with his head held high, and I'll show you a man having trouble with his bifocals.

0 Comments
2024/12/05
18:01 UTC
29

I ordered a book about how to scam people 5 months ago and it still hasn't come yet

3 Comments
2024/12/05
14:24 UTC
2

I am so tired of hearing Mariah Carey sing during the holidays, I’ve started listening to her brother Harry’s new song, "All I want for Christmas is Seppuku"

0 Comments
2024/12/05
10:57 UTC
2

The person who created the door knocker deserved a Nobel prize.

2 Comments
2024/12/05
09:22 UTC
0

At thirty years old I’m already planning for my date with deathstiny

1 Comment
2024/12/05
06:15 UTC
0

Being a short person, I could probably sue the city for building the sidewalks so close to my ass ..

0 Comments
2024/12/05
00:55 UTC
37

I owe a lot to the sidewalks, because they’ve been keeping me off the streets for years.

0 Comments
2024/12/05
00:20 UTC
0

My mother and father are sister and brother which is why I look like myself

2 Comments
2024/12/04
23:28 UTC
6

If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

2 Comments
2024/12/04
20:20 UTC
1

I hung Christmas lights on the house across from me so I can see them!

1 Comment
2024/12/04
19:00 UTC
0

Misusing acronyms based on Latin words is my S.O.P.

0 Comments
2024/12/04
14:05 UTC
9

The man who invented castrations won the no-ball prize.

2 Comments
2024/12/04
11:10 UTC
41

I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger, and then it hit me.

3 Comments
2024/12/04
09:45 UTC
1

For Christmas I got my partner an unfinished computer game about insects, she keeps saying it's full of bugs.

1 Comment
2024/12/04
08:00 UTC
0

You're telling me a crayon buried this sauce?

0 Comments
2024/12/04
03:16 UTC
11

I just heard they aren't making yard sticks any longer

2 Comments
2024/12/04
00:35 UTC
10

A cartoonist was found dead in his home, but details are sketchy.

5 Comments
2024/12/03
23:12 UTC
58

In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store's speaker system.

10 Comments
2024/12/03
21:28 UTC
0

I don't wear gloves on a date - I feel better without them.

0 Comments
2024/12/03
15:40 UTC
5

Traveling on a flying carpet is a rugged experience.

2 Comments
2024/12/03
15:29 UTC
7

Not really surprising...He pardoned two turkeys before Thanksgiving, why wouldn't he pardon the Hunter later in the week?

1 Comment
2024/12/03
14:25 UTC
8

I wish I could think of a good example of an analogy.

7 Comments
2024/12/03
05:56 UTC
12

Saw a guy with a shopping cart full of 4 leaf clovers,horseshoes and rabbits feet, I thought he’s pushing his luck.

1 Comment
2024/12/02
22:18 UTC
42

I sent my friend a "Get Well Soon" card as he couldn't pay his water bill ..

3 Comments
2024/12/02
21:01 UTC
1

Stay away from carpet when drinking red wine: a dyer warning

0 Comments
2024/12/02
18:40 UTC
92

A virus is making people forget 80's rock bands, nobody knows The Cure.

17 Comments
2024/12/02
16:47 UTC
26

If at first you don't succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.

1 Comment
2024/12/02
13:02 UTC
7

When one door closes and another door opens, you’re probably in prison.

2 Comments
2024/12/02
12:40 UTC
7

There are 10 types of people in this world: those who know binary, and those who don't.

2 Comments
2024/12/02
03:00 UTC
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