/r/oneliners

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Post your favorite oneliners!

Rules

Rule 1: Posts must be oneliners.

Generally a oneliner is a joke that is written in one sentence. If your post does not meet this requirement, it will be removed.

Rule 2: No recent reposts.

Try and keep reposts to a minimum. Use the search function to see if your oneliner has been posted recently (in the last 6 months) to avoid reposts.

Rule 3: General Reddiquette must be followed.

Your post/comment may be removed if it violates general reddiquette. Read about it here.

Rule 4: Moderators Discretion.

The moderators reserve the right to remove content deemed inappropriate for the subreddit.

Friends of Oneliners

/r/oneliners

182,441 Subscribers

1

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet service to see who they really are #BrainDamage

2 Comments
2024/11/10
04:54 UTC
0

With all these people Googling "What is a tariff?" it's ironic that Trump will ban Plan B.

0 Comments
2024/11/10
02:11 UTC
5

My wife just now: They don't make antique rugs like they used to.

0 Comments
2024/11/09
23:38 UTC
3

All I learned in boarding school is how to get on a plane

2 Comments
2024/11/09
22:39 UTC
2

Why do I lack curiosity?

0 Comments
2024/11/09
21:22 UTC
5

I have a question for all the psychics out there... ...?

3 Comments
2024/11/09
18:20 UTC
0

Hey Dad, can you pass the salt? I don't know, son, can you pass the semester? #BrainDamage

0 Comments
2024/11/09
16:36 UTC
1

Does anybody want to play Solitaire with me?

0 Comments
2024/11/09
15:41 UTC
20

What makes me better than everyone else is that I don't go around thinking I'm superior.

8 Comments
2024/11/09
13:08 UTC
10

Sorry your refrigerator died, that stinks

9 Comments
2024/11/09
13:00 UTC
6

An earthquake hitting a Catholic Church is a mass extinction event

1 Comment
2024/11/09
06:59 UTC
109

My girlfriend’s tits got so big we wondered what was in the birdseed.

9 Comments
2024/11/09
05:32 UTC
8

I’m gonna get a penis tattooed on my shin, so every step I take is another step past addiction

4 Comments
2024/11/09
04:47 UTC
12

The air freshener vending machine is out of odor.

2 Comments
2024/11/08
18:35 UTC
47

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory, because all I did was take a day off.

12 Comments
2024/11/08
15:09 UTC
106

Does anyone else think that the Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name?

9 Comments
2024/11/08
14:41 UTC
6

I don’t like one lane roads because I believe everyone should have a shoulder to cry on

2 Comments
2024/11/08
13:53 UTC
30

Every time I moved my leg it made a mooing sound,turned out to be a calf injury

1 Comment
2024/11/08
13:14 UTC
1

Oxygen is the original drug and immediate withdrawals can cause organ failure.

1 Comment
2024/11/08
08:24 UTC
0

The first rule of magic: Magic isn’t real

1 Comment
2024/11/08
06:12 UTC
0

Boiling is the same as frying except we use water instead of oil

5 Comments
2024/11/08
05:21 UTC
5

This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parent's house #BrainDamage

1 Comment
2024/11/08
04:22 UTC
0

If you announce you’re a meat and potatoes guy you’re no better than someone who announces their a vegan

2 Comments
2024/11/08
03:40 UTC
3

The first few times you touch AC it really hertz, but after that it will barely phase you.

1 Comment
2024/11/07
22:54 UTC
10

Nothing is definite, that’s for sure.

1 Comment
2024/11/07
21:56 UTC
22

I just downloaded the Titanic soundtrack, it's syncing now.

2 Comments
2024/11/07
18:03 UTC
12

I tried getting a therapy dog, but he doesn’t take my insurance

1 Comment
2024/11/07
16:26 UTC
0

I don’t always love my job, but I love having money.

3 Comments
2024/11/07
09:11 UTC
0

I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

1 Comment
2024/11/07
09:08 UTC
0

I guess it’s true then.. Orange is the new black

5 Comments
2024/11/07
03:13 UTC
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