/r/oneliners

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Post your favorite oneliners!

Rules

Rule 1: Posts must be oneliners.

Generally a oneliner is a joke that is written in one sentence. If your post does not meet this requirement, it will be removed.

Rule 2: No recent reposts.

Try and keep reposts to a minimum. Use the search function to see if your oneliner has been posted recently (in the last 6 months) to avoid reposts.

Rule 3: General Reddiquette must be followed.

Your post/comment may be removed if it violates general reddiquette. Read about it here.

Rule 4: Moderators Discretion.

The moderators reserve the right to remove content deemed inappropriate for the subreddit.

Friends of Oneliners

/r/oneliners

183,517 Subscribers

6

A virus is making people forget 80's rock bands, nobody knows The Cure.

2 Comments
2024/12/02
16:47 UTC
16

If at first you don't succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.

1 Comment
2024/12/02
13:02 UTC
0

When one door closes and another door opens, you’re probably in prison.

0 Comments
2024/12/02
12:40 UTC
3

There are 10 types of people in this world: those who know binary, and those who don't.

2 Comments
2024/12/02
03:00 UTC
48

In the original Superman intro, the guy who thought it was a bird, what was he so excited about?

9 Comments
2024/12/02
00:55 UTC
0

Setup your trash bag rolls locations like your WiFi coverage, with overlapping coverage.

0 Comments
2024/12/01
19:44 UTC
44

Suicide notes: they're a dying art form.

2 Comments
2024/12/01
14:26 UTC
11

There are three kinds of people in this world, those who can count and those who can’t.

1 Comment
2024/12/01
08:28 UTC
9

There are two kinds of people in this world… those who can extrapolate information from incomplete data,

9 Comments
2024/12/01
08:27 UTC
0

Do you walk to work or bring a lunch?

1 Comment
2024/12/01
08:25 UTC
2

Tip for the day: Never confuse your bidet with your duvet.

3 Comments
2024/11/30
18:07 UTC
15

I just finished a book on penguins, but in hindsight paper would have been better.

3 Comments
2024/11/30
09:03 UTC
0

shrodingers pregnancy test is 3/4s of a calendar

0 Comments
2024/11/30
03:03 UTC
12

I wonder if a valley girl ties her shoes while thinking: “I literally can knot”

5 Comments
2024/11/29
21:23 UTC
5

I think this Blue Cheese has gone bad but I can't tell

1 Comment
2024/11/29
21:22 UTC
26

I’ve never eaten Wookie steak but I bet it’s chewie.

2 Comments
2024/11/29
20:41 UTC
3

Darth Vader knows what Luke Skywalker is getting him for Christmas because he felt his presence.

2 Comments
2024/11/29
20:40 UTC
16

I wonder if all the other trees in the forest are jealous of the poplar trees.

10 Comments
2024/11/29
20:37 UTC
16

One of my testicles feels way larger than the other two.

11 Comments
2024/11/29
20:34 UTC
71

Oral sex makes your whole day but anal sex makes your hole weak.

11 Comments
2024/11/29
20:33 UTC
0

Everybody with a goatee is their own evil twin.

0 Comments
2024/11/29
20:31 UTC
1

Jamaican cactuses are Pokemon

0 Comments
2024/11/29
19:45 UTC
9

On the other hand you have different fingers.

0 Comments
2024/11/29
17:59 UTC
2

Red is my favourite colour, period!

2 Comments
2024/11/29
17:58 UTC
10

Nothing is truly lost until the mom can't find it.

1 Comment
2024/11/29
09:39 UTC
0

I went to the doctor to get my weight checked and apparently I’m severely a beast!

4 Comments
2024/11/29
03:38 UTC
4

Optimism is just denial with a better PR

0 Comments
2024/11/29
03:37 UTC
0

Don’t be too critical of Mark McGuire for using steroids - sometimes we all make rash decisions

5 Comments
2024/11/28
17:01 UTC
93

I couldn't pick out a shirt to wear to the strip club, so I just came in my pants.

4 Comments
2024/11/28
16:30 UTC
0

The average temperature in Turkey is 62 degrees, that’s before it goes into the oven.

1 Comment
2024/11/28
16:27 UTC
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