/r/oneliners

Photograph via //r/oneliners

Post your favorite oneliners!

Rules

Rule 1: Posts must be oneliners.

Generally a oneliner is a joke that is written in one sentence. If your post does not meet this requirement, it will be removed.

Rule 2: No recent reposts.

Try and keep reposts to a minimum. Use the search function to see if your oneliner has been posted recently (in the last 6 months) to avoid reposts.

Rule 3: General Reddiquette must be followed.

Your post/comment may be removed if it violates general reddiquette. Read about it here.

Rule 4: Moderators Discretion.

The moderators reserve the right to remove content deemed inappropriate for the subreddit.

Friends of Oneliners

/r/oneliners

187,146 Subscribers

19

We’ll we’ll we’ll if it isn’t autocorrect

3 Comments
2025/02/02
01:44 UTC
51

I'm making a fragrance for introverts called Leave Me The Fu Cologne

1 Comment
2025/02/01
22:41 UTC
59

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

5 Comments
2025/02/01
18:40 UTC
2

After a femine of Felidae you may see some Cattrition.

1 Comment
2025/02/01
14:44 UTC
8

I would tell you a penis oneliner.....but I don’t want to come across as cocky.

2 Comments
2025/02/01
14:31 UTC
47

You're not fat, you're just rounded off to the nearest elephant.

4 Comments
2025/02/01
09:16 UTC
0

When I was a kid I thought “Not responsible for well done steaks” was a flex.

1 Comment
2025/01/31
23:26 UTC
7

Bad kerning is keming.

1 Comment
2025/01/31
20:02 UTC
164

If big feet means a large penis, and a big car means a small penis, it's no wonder so many people are afraid of clowns.

5 Comments
2025/01/31
19:34 UTC
14

No one ever dies a virgin because life fucks us all.

0 Comments
2025/01/31
16:38 UTC
57

Prime rib is just like regular ribs, except it's only divisible by itself.

3 Comments
2025/01/31
14:16 UTC
7

The difference between the rockettes and a circus act is that a circus act is a cunning array of stunts.

0 Comments
2025/01/31
12:15 UTC
12

Weird how the fascist transport-related brand isn’t Uber.

1 Comment
2025/01/31
08:02 UTC
8

The difference between a hair stylist and a nail stylist is that one does hand jobs and one does blow jobs!

0 Comments
2025/01/31
05:46 UTC
0

“Self-defecation” just means “shitting on yourself”.

5 Comments
2025/01/31
02:33 UTC
1

With everyone getting dictators, why’d the US draw the most embarrassing one.

13 Comments
2025/01/30
16:13 UTC
4

I sometimes imagine James Bond's death where his ashes are sprinkled, not tossed.

0 Comments
2025/01/30
15:44 UTC
84

If money doesn't grow on trees why do banks have branches?

7 Comments
2025/01/30
07:19 UTC
5

13579 because I can't even right now

1 Comment
2025/01/30
04:31 UTC
0

Not everyone has comprehensive health insurance, but if you work at SpaceX or Tesla you get Kaiser.

0 Comments
2025/01/29
21:44 UTC
75

Elevators are sometimes an uplifting experience and then a letdown, but there are steps you can take.

9 Comments
2025/01/29
20:49 UTC
0

Even a stopped analog clock is correct twice each day

8 Comments
2025/01/29
20:38 UTC
0

Meth users prefer "doggy style" sex because it allows both partners to look out the window.

2 Comments
2025/01/29
15:56 UTC
11

We're sorry, you have reached an imaginary number, please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.

5 Comments
2025/01/29
14:47 UTC
9

I'm on a whiskey diet... I've lost three days already

1 Comment
2025/01/29
13:32 UTC
3

Randy Newman sings how deaf people speak.

3 Comments
2025/01/29
10:33 UTC
0

Married two women, dad said that's bigamy, I said, yeah, it's awfully big'o'me

1 Comment
2025/01/29
09:52 UTC
79

If you were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that your addiction got out of hand?

5 Comments
2025/01/29
09:27 UTC
22

I thought the chiropractor was a quack, but I stand corrected.

5 Comments
2025/01/28
20:58 UTC
4

What do you do when your girlfriend doesn’t laugh at your physics joke? Teller it’s Feynman.

6 Comments
2025/01/28
14:54 UTC
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