/r/oneliners

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Post your favorite oneliners!

Rules

Rule 1: Posts must be oneliners.

Generally a oneliner is a joke that is written in one sentence. If your post does not meet this requirement, it will be removed.

Rule 2: No recent reposts.

Try and keep reposts to a minimum. Use the search function to see if your oneliner has been posted recently (in the last 6 months) to avoid reposts.

Rule 3: General Reddiquette must be followed.

Your post/comment may be removed if it violates general reddiquette. Read about it here.

Rule 4: Moderators Discretion.

The moderators reserve the right to remove content deemed inappropriate for the subreddit.

Friends of Oneliners

/r/oneliners

185,669 Subscribers

5

I always crook a finger before I finger a crook.

2 Comments
2025/01/12
15:47 UTC
12

Why are there four syllables in “Minimalist”?

6 Comments
2025/01/12
11:48 UTC
9

It is so damn cold I heard a radio ad about some online college offering 135 degrees and I felt warmer.

2 Comments
2025/01/12
05:22 UTC
0

The difference between Donald Trump and the Panama Canal is that one of them is a... Oh. You've heard this one.

0 Comments
2025/01/11
20:19 UTC
0

If you lost an eye, would 3d glasses give you normal vision?

9 Comments
2025/01/11
05:40 UTC
46

There are two words in a person's life that will open a lot of doors for them: PUSH and PULL.

2 Comments
2025/01/10
20:53 UTC
3

I prefer not to have preferences.

0 Comments
2025/01/10
18:58 UTC
21

My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.

4 Comments
2025/01/10
15:58 UTC
21

I like self-deprecating humor but I’m not very good at it.

0 Comments
2025/01/10
15:34 UTC
0

Because of gun culture - Army to an American must be the same as biathlon to a Norwegian

0 Comments
2025/01/09
22:33 UTC
23

A bribe is when the giver says "Thanks" and the receiver says "Don't mention it".

4 Comments
2025/01/09
14:15 UTC
0

Sometimes self deprecation with your girlfriend just makes you a fool to her.

0 Comments
2025/01/09
13:35 UTC
11

The legend of Linda Lovelace and her work on the pornographic film “Deepthroat”, will live on through the generations as part of our oral history.

4 Comments
2025/01/09
01:25 UTC
4

I will NOT go to assertiveness training.

0 Comments
2025/01/08
18:09 UTC
5

I bought a chess set at the pawn shop, but it's missing a piece, ironically.

9 Comments
2025/01/08
06:02 UTC
20

It sure was awkward when Trump tried to buy Panama from David Lee Roth.

3 Comments
2025/01/08
04:55 UTC
100

Is it weird if one of my testicles hangs slightly lower than the other two?

11 Comments
2025/01/08
02:34 UTC
38

It is so cold, I saw a banker with his hands in his own pockets.

3 Comments
2025/01/07
22:52 UTC
21

The winner of the abbreviation contest is TBA

2 Comments
2025/01/07
11:10 UTC
0

I haven't heard of an Oxymoron better than "Enough Money".

4 Comments
2025/01/07
06:51 UTC
1

If 2 clowns try to rob you, you'll have to outsmart Penny-Wise and pound Foolish.

0 Comments
2025/01/07
05:21 UTC
0

So who’s this Alice I’m supposed to see about my erectile dysfunction?

10 Comments
2025/01/07
00:20 UTC
0

Are the real housewives real celebrities?

0 Comments
2025/01/06
23:23 UTC
16

The sexiest thing a woman can put on her head is her toes.

12 Comments
2025/01/06
21:21 UTC
4

I've always suspected Dolly Parton of a false front.

3 Comments
2025/01/06
19:07 UTC
15

My girlfriend accused me of gaslighting, I told her she was crazy

0 Comments
2025/01/06
17:25 UTC
1

Satan doesn't take crypto, but he was happy to accept futures contracts.

0 Comments
2025/01/06
15:26 UTC
75

If ever you're about to be mugged by a pair of clowns, don't hesitate to go for the juggler.

5 Comments
2025/01/06
13:40 UTC
0

I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me vacation ads..

0 Comments
2025/01/05
17:26 UTC
27

Even a lifelong hater of accent marks has to diacritic

5 Comments
2025/01/05
15:56 UTC
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