/r/oneliners

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Post your favorite oneliners!

Rules

Rule 1: Posts must be oneliners.

Generally a oneliner is a joke that is written in one sentence. If your post does not meet this requirement, it will be removed.

Rule 2: No recent reposts.

Try and keep reposts to a minimum. Use the search function to see if your oneliner has been posted recently (in the last 6 months) to avoid reposts.

Rule 3: General Reddiquette must be followed.

Your post/comment may be removed if it violates general reddiquette. Read about it here.

Rule 4: Moderators Discretion.

The moderators reserve the right to remove content deemed inappropriate for the subreddit.

Friends of Oneliners

/r/oneliners

184,485 Subscribers

17

Last night I had a dream about a muffler; I woke up exhausted.

2 Comments
2024/12/22
01:51 UTC
2

Guy went to jail for stealing a calendar; he got 12 months.

0 Comments
2024/12/22
00:53 UTC
1

I couldn’t find any steaks today, turns out they’re pretty rare

1 Comment
2024/12/21
18:38 UTC
9

Santas Elves favorite music is wrap

0 Comments
2024/12/21
18:28 UTC
4

Trees have many friends, because they're always trying to branch out.

2 Comments
2024/12/21
10:34 UTC
4

Is it bad I thought stubhub was a prosthetics company

0 Comments
2024/12/21
04:15 UTC
33

The other day I was so bored I took a probiotic and an anti biotic at the same time just to see which one would win.

6 Comments
2024/12/20
19:52 UTC
2

This goat cheese is the best I've ever tasted.

3 Comments
2024/12/20
18:43 UTC
0

I won’t stop fighting till the cold grip of death rip’s my hands off my weapon

0 Comments
2024/12/20
16:23 UTC
2

My flat-Earther friend was troubled by having some doubts about his beliefs, so I told him there's nothing to sphere but sphere itself.

2 Comments
2024/12/20
15:11 UTC
0

Never start a Rumor about butter, you know how they spread.

2 Comments
2024/12/20
14:16 UTC
49

Made an Amelia Earhart joke but it didn't land

6 Comments
2024/12/20
13:23 UTC
0

If your income doesn’t keep up with your outgo then your upkeep will be your downfall.

1 Comment
2024/12/20
12:33 UTC
24

Don’t trust people that do acupuncture, because they’re back stabbers.

10 Comments
2024/12/19
23:18 UTC
0

The horror movie I was watching wasn't scary enough, so I decided to look in the mirror.

2 Comments
2024/12/19
21:24 UTC
3

I tried to start a pencil company, but it just didn’t draw any interest

3 Comments
2024/12/19
17:20 UTC
25

I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

22 Comments
2024/12/19
13:09 UTC
83

The only thing you get free of charge is a dead battery.

3 Comments
2024/12/19
12:29 UTC
5

I ordered a book of puns last week, but I didn't get it.

2 Comments
2024/12/19
08:05 UTC
2

I almost fell in love with a pyschic, but she left me before we met.

1 Comment
2024/12/19
07:52 UTC
75

My neighbour couldn't afford his water bill anymore so I sent him a 'get well soon' card

3 Comments
2024/12/19
04:01 UTC
10

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. That’s when I decided to put my foot down.

1 Comment
2024/12/19
03:24 UTC
0

My inner circle is like my dick, small

3 Comments
2024/12/19
03:01 UTC
5

When it comes to an orgasm, I can be there with less than an hour's heads up if kneaded.

4 Comments
2024/12/19
01:22 UTC
62

The old woman who lived in a shoe wasn’t the sole owner; there were strings attached.

3 Comments
2024/12/18
21:17 UTC
5

For an eggnostic, faith is hardboiled

1 Comment
2024/12/18
16:38 UTC
1

Trying to milk a cow which has been cut in half is udder madness.

0 Comments
2024/12/18
14:51 UTC
36

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

2 Comments
2024/12/18
12:53 UTC
8

They put fences around graveyards because people are dying to get in.

2 Comments
2024/12/18
10:32 UTC
1

My successful hotel-owning friends didn’t appreciate me calling them inn greats.

3 Comments
2024/12/18
04:23 UTC
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