/r/oneliners

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Post your favorite oneliners!

Rules

Rule 1: Posts must be oneliners.

Generally a oneliner is a joke that is written in one sentence. If your post does not meet this requirement, it will be removed.

Rule 2: No recent reposts.

Try and keep reposts to a minimum. Use the search function to see if your oneliner has been posted recently (in the last 6 months) to avoid reposts.

Rule 3: General Reddiquette must be followed.

Your post/comment may be removed if it violates general reddiquette. Read about it here.

Rule 4: Moderators Discretion.

The moderators reserve the right to remove content deemed inappropriate for the subreddit.

Friends of Oneliners

/r/oneliners

171,188 Subscribers

0

Paint it Black forever changed the way I see a red door.

1 Comment
2024/02/21
20:32 UTC

0

Dress for the job you want not the job you have never applies to nudists.

1 Comment
2024/02/20
22:27 UTC

0

Everytime we need to poop, we do it in a tiny puddle of water

2 Comments
2024/02/20
11:32 UTC

10

Jackson Pollock: Great artist, piss poor pictionary partner.

0 Comments
2024/02/20
09:23 UTC

0

I “guess” I just “don’t” “get” when it’s the “proper” time to use quotation “marks” “.”

1 Comment
2024/02/20
08:36 UTC

3

I bet it pisses off the Lenape Indians when they see how many beads drunk girls get at Mardi Gras just for showing their tits

1 Comment
2024/02/20
08:35 UTC

6

I gotta go to my Salsa lesson in the morning – I don’t like to brag, but I’m getting really good at eating that stuff.

4 Comments
2024/02/20
08:34 UTC

0

I tried strumming a song on a mandoline the other day, and now they call me Lefty.

4 Comments
2024/02/20
00:33 UTC

0

If the left is woke does that make the right sleeple?

2 Comments
2024/02/20
00:11 UTC

24

Okay, but WHERE on Eileen?

4 Comments
2024/02/20
00:10 UTC

2

I came first in this year's Best Lover competition.

2 Comments
2024/02/19
16:48 UTC

48

I really can’t stand “anal bleaching”, so I say “changing my ring tone.”

4 Comments
2024/02/19
13:55 UTC

4

If you light a man a fire he'll be warm for a day, but if you light a man afire he'll be warm for the rest of his life

3 Comments
2024/02/19
05:11 UTC

4

A pessimist is someone who looks both ways before crossing a one-way road...

7 Comments
2024/02/19
05:10 UTC

41

Man's laughter is funny, but manslaughter isn't.

7 Comments
2024/02/18
23:16 UTC

1

An optimist is a husband who goes to the marriage bureau to see if his license has expired.

2 Comments
2024/02/18
21:16 UTC

0

A Dr for diabetics proves that you can be obsessed with feet and not be a pervert.

3 Comments
2024/02/18
20:33 UTC

9

If it wasn't for physics, we'd all be unstoppable.

0 Comments
2024/02/18
16:07 UTC

0

My eyesight is so bad, I had to bleach my hair so I could find myself in the mirror.

2 Comments
2024/02/18
06:37 UTC

6

So did a radioactive spider bite a monkey too?

6 Comments
2024/02/18
03:10 UTC

0

Come into this world with a f***, leave this world with a f***.

5 Comments
2024/02/18
00:51 UTC

3

I want one island to make a solid salad dressing we can cut out the 999 other islands if one island got its shit together.

6 Comments
2024/02/17
23:07 UTC

3

From Ash Wednesday to Easter Sunday Catholics will become the most unhealthy vegetarians you’ve ever seen.

1 Comment
2024/02/17
23:00 UTC

7

Can an oriental person get disoriented?

12 Comments
2024/02/17
15:17 UTC

0

I want to talk about letterboxes, but they're too close to home!

0 Comments
2024/02/17
06:25 UTC

14

I can identify a dogwood tree by its bark!

5 Comments
2024/02/17
00:38 UTC

9

A prostitute is a member of the fare sex.

0 Comments
2024/02/16
18:09 UTC

15

I dream of living in a world where a chicken can cross a road without having its motives questioned.

3 Comments
2024/02/16
18:00 UTC

23

Some say I'm getting old and wrinkly, but I say I'm just getting groovier....

1 Comment
2024/02/16
10:58 UTC

3

Entomology jokes bug me…

0 Comments
2024/02/16
07:15 UTC

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