/r/oneliners

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Post your favorite oneliners!

Rules

Rule 1: Posts must be oneliners.

Generally a oneliner is a joke that is written in one sentence. If your post does not meet this requirement, it will be removed.

Rule 2: No recent reposts.

Try and keep reposts to a minimum. Use the search function to see if your oneliner has been posted recently (in the last 6 months) to avoid reposts.

Rule 3: General Reddiquette must be followed.

Your post/comment may be removed if it violates general reddiquette. Read about it here.

Rule 4: Moderators Discretion.

The moderators reserve the right to remove content deemed inappropriate for the subreddit.

Friends of Oneliners

/r/oneliners

173,654 Subscribers

4

I have many jokes about unemployed people – sadly none of them work.

1 Comment
2024/06/11
05:04 UTC

9

Helen Keller's favorite color is corduroy.

5 Comments
2024/06/11
00:35 UTC

0

A lot of people spend their entire lives worrying about terrorism when the real sleeper cell they should be worrying about is the one that causes cancer.

1 Comment
2024/06/10
22:05 UTC

0

I believe solar power is a lie. The way I see it: the sun has been gaslighting us for years.

0 Comments
2024/06/10
21:36 UTC

0

If we are going to stand above the animals, our honor must be the platform we stand on.

0 Comments
2024/06/10
19:29 UTC

5

If history is any guide, you can't use past events to predict the future.

0 Comments
2024/06/10
17:47 UTC

0

I don’t vaccinate my cats because I’m worried they’ll get autism.

2 Comments
2024/06/10
16:50 UTC

3

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.

0 Comments
2024/06/10
14:11 UTC

3

I entered ten puns in a contest hoping at least one would win, but sadly, no pun in ten did.

0 Comments
2024/06/10
14:05 UTC

2

My wife is so good at admonishing me and fussing about everything I try to do that I call her my "Master Berator".

0 Comments
2024/06/10
13:34 UTC

8

How did I get out of Iraq? Iran

0 Comments
2024/06/10
11:23 UTC

29

As I said before, I never repeat myself

6 Comments
2024/06/10
11:21 UTC

11

I've got two lawyers working for me. One's pro bono, the other thinks he's a right pretentious tosser.

1 Comment
2024/06/10
06:09 UTC

39

Say what you will about taxidermy, but it takes a lot of guts

7 Comments
2024/06/10
01:43 UTC

1

I’m moving to Seoul. I was told it would be a good Korea move.

5 Comments
2024/06/09
13:45 UTC

21

I just told my joke about Peter Pan again. It never gets old.

3 Comments
2024/06/09
13:42 UTC

0

those comets flying in space have been juicing with Ass-steroids

0 Comments
2024/06/09
12:23 UTC

7

I must confess that I am a dendrology nerd and that I do need to branch out

0 Comments
2024/06/09
12:17 UTC

6

You know, you really have to hand it to blind people.

1 Comment
2024/06/09
05:51 UTC

3

A former Vice President danced his way into Microsoft headquarters because he wanted to show them his Al Gore Rhythm.

1 Comment
2024/06/09
01:44 UTC

31

I had a sexual relationship with my highschool English teacher, but we broke up after she said I didn't use the colon properly.

13 Comments
2024/06/09
01:40 UTC

6

Nobody taught me more about humanity than a manatee named Hugh.

4 Comments
2024/06/09
01:03 UTC

39

My ex wife said that it was my obsession with horoscopes that Taurus apart.

4 Comments
2024/06/08
17:54 UTC

13

Prison is peculiar. All the pros are cons.

4 Comments
2024/06/08
12:57 UTC

15

I curl up in the fireplace every night and sleep like a log

2 Comments
2024/06/08
09:09 UTC

4

I can't go out tonight, my sheep died and I have to write a stirring ewe-logy

1 Comment
2024/06/08
01:51 UTC

22

Due to inflation, you may now eat food that has been on the floor for up to 8.5 seconds

0 Comments
2024/06/07
20:58 UTC

34

Trying to think of a tree pun, but I'm stumped!!!

20 Comments
2024/06/07
15:22 UTC

7

When you talk to God, you call it prayer, but when God talks to you, you call a psychiatrist.

2 Comments
2024/06/07
15:04 UTC

10

Why does my wife always wait till I’m on the other end of the house before asking me to “Wawa Wawa Wawa Wawa Wawa Wawa Wawa blah blah blah blah blah blah!!”

0 Comments
2024/06/07
14:12 UTC

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