Since my assaults sometimes I will randomly cry during sex. Usually, it happens so quickly and suddenly I get the icky feeling and start bawling when my trauma is triggered, sometimes flashbacks occur but a lot of times I start crying before even being aware of my emotions or the memories that are causing it. Sometimes I also feel invalid because a lot of times I don't get flashbacks during sex but do get them in other times, which confuses me and makes me feel abnormal and like I am weird.

I always feel sad and guilty when I suddenly start crying, and I feel bad that I can't have sex normally. My partner was really sweet about it and told me it was okay but I feel bad about making them stop randomly in the middle of it because of trauma.

Does anyone have tips for sex after assault and finding safety with someone when trauma gets triggered and things get scary?

I have a 4yo son, I'm a single full time parent and raising him makes me think back a lot about my SA. How should I approach him and educate him on that subject. I would like to hear from parents who have been through the same as me if there are any out there.

I was raped early last year, and ever since then I’ve had severe bladder issues. I have no control over my pee half the time. Before being raped, I’d never really dealt with this at all. However, since being raped I’ve wet the bed, had pee trickle down my leg throughout the day, and yeah just basically a huge loss in bladder control (sorry I know this sounds quite gross perhaps). Anyway, I’m convinced it’s because I’ve been raped. I’m otherwise a very healthy, active female, who’s too young for bladder issues (ie. I’m not menopausal, haven’t given birth etc). Plus the symptoms line up with my rape.

So what I’m wondering is, has anyone else experienced something similar? I’ve found conflicting information online so I’m curious if others have dealt with this personally.

Thank you to any and all people who might respond :))

So, I will preface this with I was and am an active Alcoholic and a recluse with no friends, like really 0 friends as I do not even receive texts from anyone but family members.

In 2017 I matched with a girl on Tinder, she was absolutely stunning to me and I quickly messaged her. We conversed back and forth for a few days, eventually switching to text and progressing into a date. I was super nervous and had a horrible idea to go see a movie, no conversation, but she agreed. We ended up meeting in the theatre parking lot and turns out I was completely and totally catfished. Her photos we're old, she had put on at least 100, if not 150, lbs. I try at be a decent guy so I didn't say anything and even paid for her ticket to go see the movie. After the movie we went our separate ways and she texted that she wished I kissed her.

Fast forward a few days of back and forth texting, I am having a binge day and day drinking. She asks where I live and I texted her, not expecting anything, and she ends up coming to pick me up. I agree to go with her to her parents house to hang out and her father ends up driving me, her and her sister to a local bar to drink. We end up spending the entire night at the bar drinking until 12 or 1 am and Uber back to her parents house to go back and go to sleep. Her sister ended up picking up a rando and he comes with to. The rando ends up getting back and her sister starts puking so he ends up leaving and me and this X end up going back to her room. I figure just to pass out.

Well, she had other thoughts on her mind. She ends up rolling ontop of me and pulling down my pants/underwear and throws on a condom. I want nothing to do with her at this point so I ripped the condom off and threw it on the floor, told her I do not want to have sex with her. She then pulls out another condom and puts it on, again I rip it off and throw it on the floor. Again, another condom and I again rip it off telling her that I do not want to have sex and throw it on the floor. Finally she pulls out another condom and I just gave up at this point and basically agree to have sex. She does the deed and then lets me pass out and go to bed.

I feel like in the end I just agreed and did it so it really wasn't SA. I kept texting her even though I feel like she catfished me originally. I agreed to go with her to her parents house. I agreed to go out to the bar. Thoughts?

I 30f was raped by a friends with benefits a few months ago. He was someone I trusted and had known for a while. We were starting to get into kinkier play when he ignored our rules and me saying the safe word and kept going. I didn’t report because I was to ashamed. I’ve had therapy and it seems to be going well. Recently I started dating and I didn’t tell him about what happened but we were trying to have sex and as soon as he started trying to enter me I shut down. I had to ask him to stop and it’s happened 2 times so far. I don’t know how to get past this but I’m trying too. It’s just so hard

character refresher if you didn’t see my last post: J&R the ppl who sa me, P a friend of J who lied to me and accused me of lying ab being sa

i was sa a little over a year ago and i can’t tell my parents or my therapist because my therapist would tell my parents and then my parents would punish me for it. but when i turn 18 (in a week) can i tell my therapist and then her not telling my parents would be allowed because i’m an adult??

it’s just been weighing so heavy on me because P keeps talking shit, and then i had a graduation thing at my school and then i saw J for the first time in a long time, and apparently P blabbed to them, and so they walked by me SMILING?? right at me?? and then they texted me (i blocked them on ig and tiktok and even fucking pinterest and i thought i did on imessage but i guess i forgot) “i hope your entire life is miserable and never find peace lol” right after walking by me. they also said “i never got justice, i promise you won’t either, i want you dead or at least in crtitical condition or something idgaf” so i told them to PLEASE come talk to me PLEASE come swing at me PLEASE try and kill me. and they don’t even have the balls to talk to me to my face it makes me so fucking mad, and they told me to “go to the police if i have so much proof” and i do but can i actually make a case?? and then id HAVE to tell my parents, i can’t pay court fees, my parents are controlling.

i’m just lost and i feel sick and how can they even say that to me.

(Repost!!)

so, if you've read my other posts, not to long ago i was sexually blackmailed by some guy.

i sent nudes to a guy, said guy showed people. i added one of his friends back, who sent my nudes to a group chat (which he got from the other guy) which had me and my friend in it (and him), and threatened to post it on his snap story if i didn't send. now i was scared shitless, almost crying. the real thing is when he called me a "Good boy." ever since it happened, i hate that word. i sometimes feel a panic attack rising when i hear it, the feeling of desperation i felt the moment i was called it, leads back to whenever i hear it again. it makes me so distressed and makes me feel gross and like a burden. i feel like I'm over dramatic, i asked for it to al happen, i mean i sent it, it just had a traumatic outcome, its just every time i hear it, every time I'm asked to send and they call me a good boy, i feel like its a mock. if i send, am i really a good boy? i suddenly don't want to be anymore. it makes me sick. i don't ever want to be a good boy again.

I dont know how to feel about it to be honest.

I worked in a company for 5 years, worked my way up with no ass kissing just hard work, somehow. as a teamlead i had a supervisor same age 28 (F) and i was 28 (M) i came into my new role acting as an spoke person for the guys on the floor trying to make their life easy, they loved it and productivity was up and sick days were down. Now to the real problem my 'supervisor' knowing im getting married at the end of the year and very much in love was smaking me on the ass grabbing me around the waist and making very sexual comments towards me. Is this grounds for legal action or is it hard to contest due to gender? happened over a 8 month period in australia and made redundant after reporting. Troll me Roast me im all for it just give me some advice too please

I had an awful experience during my pledging process for my sorority. I wish at the time I didn’t think it was so important to be in a sorority. Now that I’m in I realize nothing that happened was worth it.

i hooked up with an old coworker on wednesday. he had recently moved back to our city & had reached out a few months ago, but i brushed it off cause i was seeing someone. I was feeling bored and so i reached out to him and asked if he wanted to get drinks, which he then responded seeing if that night worked.

we hung out at a bar for a bit and then both agreed to go back to his place. i had driven and made the mistake to drop my car off at my place and then get a ride with him. we got to his place, smoked a joint, and start hooking up. we were both pretty high, he asked to pause at the beginning so we did. once we continued, there was a point where i asked to take a break, and he didn't listen. i had to say it three times until he said ok and stopped. i was still moderately high when this happened but i could tell what had just happened. i wanted to leave then, but i wasn't in the headspace to have to explain to him why i wanted to leave.

i slept over, woke up early cause i had to go to work. i tried to get dressed and collect my things without waking him up, but he woke up before i left. he said i should just stay and call in sick, i told him i wasn't going to do that. he said he'd drive me home, i told him i was fine calling an uber. he grabbed my phone from me pretty aggressively so i couldn't call an uber. i finally just agreed to him driving me home. once he dropped me off, i got inside and blocked him on everything.

i feel violated, i feel mad at myself for not leaving his place after it happened. i regret reaching out to him, but i also recognize i didn't know it would lead to this.

EDIT - i talked to my sister about the incident, she wonders if because we were both high, maybe he was just out of it and that's why he didn't stop right away. it's definitely a possibility, but on the other hand we were both communicative throughout the hookup and there was never a point it felt like he wasn't listening because he was too fucked up.

( grammar is pretty bad because i don’t even care at this rate)

so this happened today but i made a post using the bear format but i used ‘woman or bear’ instead of the other because seeing multiple other men finally talk about their experiences finally gave me the courage and confidence to make my own. so i did that. i got a few hate comments which i laughed at and sent one to my friends. the comment was calling me a slur, the t-slur, and my fiends were a little baffled but laughed with me (btw this is over text) and my one friend, C, said that i shouldn’t have used the bear format because it’s mainly women who get assaulted and it’s done by men, so the bear format was a way to talk about it, so i, a man, was wrong for using it and i was taking the focus from women’s suffering. angrily, i replied saying how i finally felt comfortable making a public post about MY assault and that i know it’s not majority women who are perpetrators, but in my experience it was. she went on about a tangent how what i went through was wrong and that all sa matters no matter gender, but i still shouldn’t use the bear format because it was made for women and that I was making it seem like i was calling all women the perpetrators of assaults. quote, “it’s misleading" which i’m completely baffled at because i feel like i finally have a chance to talk about my experiences and now i feel like because im a man that im not worthy of the kind of attention women get for their assaults.

am i wrong?

Ever since I got back from my first year at college a year ago my mom has just been different. It’s just her and I that live together. It’s embarrassing to talk about but it started with her accidentally sending me a photo. It’s continued to spiral from there. I feel like it’s affecting my brain. I’ve developed a porn addiction. I don’t know what to do.

I'm sorry about my grammar English is not my first language. So basically a few weeks ago my dad's friend (35?) started make weird comments about my body and he's also been touching me kind of inappropriatly if I can call it that like he's constantly trying to touch my butt I already told him to stop a few times but he's just telling me that I'm overreacting.Telling my parents is also not an option becuase even jf they would believe me they would still blame me and now I don't really know what to do because lately hes been even more aggressive and weird and im really scared that he will do something to me please tell me how do I make him stop and also am I overreacting is this normal???

I think something might have happened to me when I was a child but I don’t know what. I can’t remember, I just get these feelings, and this anxiety and I don’t know where it’s coming from. I’ve been with my partner for a few months now and I love them. They’re sweet and caring and I’m attracted to them. We didn’t have sex right away, and when we started to everything was fine. We had normal sex for around 2 months and then it started to be difficult for me. Now I can’t even make out with them without crying, and I don’t know why. Last time I saw them we made out and I stopped and cried, and they just held me and we went to sleep. I feel so afraid, I want to be psychical with them but I can’t, and I don’t know why. Anytime things even start to feel like it might get sexual I start to panic, anything more than a peck on the lips makes my heart race and I want to curl up into a ball. I had a bad experience with an ex but it doesn’t feel like that’s what is causing my anxiety, it feels like there’s something buried and I can’t figure it out. I was having nightmares before I met them, where I was begging in someone I couldn’t see to tell me what they did to me. I’d get the feeling of being pinned down suddenly. It felt claustrophobic when I was trying to make out with my partner. I don’t know what’s going on, I can’t tell what’s real inside my head. I don’t know what to trust or what to think, I don’t know how to be okay.

I went to go pick up a computer from downstairs because I was really eager about it and wanted to play a game that weekend. My mom ordered me one and the guy was downstairs tesirs so I went to go pick it up. I was with my brother, by the way. He is a year younger than me.

Anyways, we were waiting to get into the elevator when this guy appears in the lobby. I knew him, we were neighbours and are the same ethnicity. I should note this guy is a little bit on the spectrum, but he is fully functional and I don’t excuse what he did to me.

It was normal. We get into the elevator and for some odd reason, he asks us for a first bump, we gave him a fist bump. High five, we high five him. Close to our floor, he starts touching my hand in like a caressing way and he interlocks his hand with mine, and he looks up. This is traumatizing and it’s literally engraved in my brain. Afterwards, we pull up to our floor and he blocks he entrance and says “you’re not going anywhere” and he grabs me. My brother is on the other side of the door screaming for our mom but for some reason, she doesn’t hear. He was grabbing me and he was almost trying to take me somewhere but I think because my brother didn’t leave he didn’t do anything. After like a few minutes he lets me go and I run opening the door and I tell my mom what happened. She was under the influence at the time but she’s a functional alcoholic and she didn’t believe me at first. I was so shocked. It was after the alcohol wares off she realizes what happens and she calls a family friend to go look for this guy.

Days go by and a family friend spots him when i’m coming after school, then he calls my mother and that’s when he freaks out. When she came he bolted out and ran away in the neighborhood. She eventually confronted him and he said he was sorry.

Ever since then, I still cannot believe my mom DIDN’T call the cops, but I also can’t shake off the fact that this guy is probably a pedophile. I mean he did touch me.

My mom told me his sister moved out recently and I asked the reason. He said that he kept on touching her breasts. All the memories flew back to me and i’m just like— wow…this guy is a total creep.

think im gonna text my ex gf about her victim blaming me after my assaults..

My uncle (by marriage) started playing with me when I was 10 and continued until he and my aunt moved when I was 15. I’m 18 now. The thing is I feel no anger, no guilt, no remorse. I don’t feel damaged. I have no triggers and I don’t hate the man that did it to me all of which leaves me really confused. Every thing I see and hear says I shouldn’t be happy, that I need to deal with it, that I should want him to pay for what he did. But none of that’s true and that bothers me. Am I a broken person for not hating him and what happened?

My mum was a single mother and I’m an only child. My biological dad wasn’t in the picture (and still isn’t) although he did contribute money which, combined with my mum’s income, allowed us to live a pretty comfortable life. My aunt (my mum’s only sibling) and uncle lived a block away so I saw them all the time.

The first time it happen my mum and aunt were gone for a long ‘girls’ weekend. I was suppose to stay with my best friend but a couple of days before they were scheduled to leave she got very sick (actually ended up in the hospital) and I was left with no place to stay. They contemplated not going and then my uncle stepped in and offered to watch me. I loved my uncle and was thrilled to spend the 3 days alone with him. Although this turned out to be a convenient opportunity I doubt it was the sole reason he started. I’m sure given time we would’ve went down the same path. Because I was a ‘latch key’ kid - single mum - and my uncle worked from home there were regular chances to see each other, in fact my mum asked him to check-in on me after school.

It ended when they moved. All I knew for a few years was that my aunt got a new job, later I found out she’d had an affair with a co-worker and she agreed to change jobs to save the marriage. The first time I saw them after they moved I was crushed when we weren’t able to spend any time alone together. In fact he went out of his way to make sure we didn’t. At one point he did say something to the affect that I was special and he was sorry. Thinking back on it I’m not sure if meant he was sorry for what he did or that he couldn’t do it anymore. I see then once or twice a year and they’re still happily married. When we do see each other we always have a good visit and enjoy each other’s company. He’s never said or done anything ‘inappropriate’.

When I got into my later teens I made a few questionable choices including a 1 year long affair with a much older, married man

this happens all the time all the fucking time i never say no what the fuck is wrong with me i never fucking do anything but when i did something they never stopped its my fault that it all keeps happening i never say no i just freeze n let them do everything they want to me n then idk i just cant do this all anymore

I sent a message to my ex telling him how much i hate him for assaulting me 🙃

it felt good but now im incredibly anxious because we go to the same school

i’ve completed most of my emdr treatment for my most traumatic/earliest sa experience. but at times i will have dreams of me getting sa’d (from random men, not the boy who did it to me). and last night i had a dream of me getting married when i wasn’t sure if i wanted to. is this normal?

thanks in advance!!

Ok so one evening my husband and I were in the room and I was quite drunk (he doesn’t drink but used pt) we had sex and he laid behind me, I think I almost passed out when he put his finger in my butt. Ok so he knows I like anl but this time it took me kind of by surprise, was it assault? Also we’ve been having troubles so I don’t feel like having sex lately, it’s been a while like months but before he was acting like this sometimes too. Here are some of the things he does when he gets angry or when he appears very calm but upset:

-“Nobody cares how I feel. If it was genuine back then why would you stop having sex with me? Besides you always had to be fd up so it couldn’t have been that great for you! You’ll still get your immigration papers and all the sh!t you want ok! Because I’m not an ale”

Me: -“ Lately you know we’ve had a lot of arguments, partly because of that I don’t feel like it”

Him: -“ Sorry I’m such a monster I guess!”

————

“Why don’t you wanna have sex with me anymore? Is it because I’m fat again? Or you’d rather f***k insert ex name here (just wanted to precise we are open/we previously agreed on possibility of polyamory but here’s another thing he now blames me for it saying he never wanted that) I have to precise since we are married I have been with him everyday at his house, I visited my family in my country for 3 months but no ex/ romantic or sex friend/ lover there so I haven’t “misbehaved” if I should say it like that or done smth to trigger his jealousy.

my experience did not involve successful rape (he tried) and did other things. he whole time i was resisting and he ignored me and kept going but during the last assault that changed a bit. i gave in. he tried to force me to give a handjob and i refused. he then groped me and put his mouth on my boob. i gave up and didn't say no or anything just froze and let him and only then did he finally stop and let me out of the car he locked me in to grope me. don't get me wrong im glad he stopped but...messes with my brain wondering why he only stopped once i gave in basically. also yeah during the last assault he had me locked in his car. so he easily could've done more than grope me and suck on my nipple. but he didn't and stopped and it messes with me a bit. did he want me to be actively doing stuff? idk

So, hi, i am 20yo, this happened for a year when i was 14. I have cPTSD due to extreme bullying and i do not remember that much from that period of time (i was also suffering from psychosis). I met online with an older guy who said “he understood me” and wanted to “help me”, i was instantly in love with him because no one nurtured me, at least i thought. He began to ask for explicit photos, i was extremely naive and i didn’t even understand s3x (yes, i know, i was 14 and didn’t understand s3x jail me, i was a child) and i thought i HAD to send them, and that because he wanted them he loved me. He would ask me to video call, i didn’t want to and didn’t want to show my body but at the same time i wanted to because i felt wanted and desired (keep in mind i was extremely unstable mentally due to the bullying) I left that relationship because it got to a point he would tell me he would k!ll himself if i left him, and i left him with the help of a friend (now bf of 4 years)

I don’t know if it was SA because it was all online and because i felt like I wanted to, but now im only grossed out. Developed hyper sexuality because of this relationship but was scared to even kiss.

Was is SA?

i’m going to try and make this as short as possible, but i do want to include all the important details so it might end up being long. no worries if you don’t care to read all of this if it does end up being a long post, i will summarize it as short as i can with a TLDR at the bottom.

anyways, when i was a 13 year old girl i was going to catholic school, catholic church every week, sunday school, etc lets just say i was raised VERY catholic (my parents are polish immigrants lol). one day, a 21 year old man who i believe used to attend my school and was a family friend of some of my friends randomly found my snapchat and added me. it was normal at first, just asked how old i was and stuff like that. he told me he was in school to become a priest, and he actually was, so i felt safe talking to him because of that. i was extremely naïve though, bc it quickly turned sexual.

he would send me numerous videos/pictures of his penis, say gross sexual things about himself or what he wanted to do to me, and would ask me to send him nudes of myself. now i know i was really stupid for this and it’s my own fault, but i was struggling a lot with my home life at the time. because of this, i wanted positive attention and this was not the first time an adult had taken advantage of me like that, so i obliged for the validation i’d get from it and because i was somewhat used to that being asked of me. however, i told him i would only send if he did not screenshot and save them (this is important later) and he agreed so i sent.

this went on for a couple days, until he started making me feel really uncomfortable with the things he was saying so i just blocked him. this in turn made him extremely angry, so he made upwards of probably 50 new accounts in total to harass me on all platforms he could find me on, he even somehow got my personal phone number. if i blocked him he’d just make another, it was useless to try. he blackmailed me into sending him whatever disgusting sexual thing he asked for and even got me to physically harm myself by threatening to send my nudes (that he had secretly saved without my knowledge/permission) to all my friends and school to embarrass me and get me in trouble. the thought of this petrified me, so i continued to put up with whatever he wanted for weeks.

this took a large toll on my already not good mental health. i was constantly fearing he would send them to people like he was threatening to basically on the daily, and i couldn’t tell anyone what was happening. he said that if i ever blocked him again or told anyone, he would send them, ruin my life, and even come and actually assault me. everyday i cried and begged him to stop it and leave me alone, but he couldn’t care less and took pleasure in causing me that much distress. eventually, i had enough of it and blocked him on everything. huge mistake.

he got so angry that he sent my nudes to multiple people at school, and sent me proof of it. this destroyed me and i genuinely contemplated suicide because of it, my life would be hell on earth with how my community/parents would punish me for this. but obviously, i ultimately did not, even though he himself was even trying to convince me to kill myself bc of everything. however, somehow even as a dumbass 13 yr old i was smart enough to send most of the nudes without my face in it. i was so luckily able to convince those people that it wasn’t me and not to spread anything around, because somehow thank GOD the only ones he saved/sent out were ones without my face.

but it only escalated from here. he started coming to my school and parking across the street, coming to my church, and even one night parked his car in my neighborhood. he was sent me images of my house, of me in my bedroom, and of my family members through windows. obviously i was absolutely terrified, i knew he wanted to assault me but now i was scared for my family as well. but thankfully, he did not do anything. just sat there trying to scare me.

this torment continued for months, new accounts of his threatening to expose me, drug and rape me, stalking me, and so much more of the most horrible things you could say to anyone, but especially a 13 year old girl. and all this from someone who was supposed to be a devout catholic, a priest in training, and a trusted adult. eventually though, i grew sick of it and way less afraid of him, so he lost much of his power over me. i got less interesting to him, so the harassment slowly started to die down. in time i was only getting new accounts threatening me every couple of months, and at that point it did not scare me nearly as much as before.

it started when i was 13, but he continued to randomly harass me for years, the last time he contacted me i was 19. he stayed obsessed with me and was holding onto nudes of 13 yr old me for upwards of 7 years. i guarantee he probably still has them as well. the last time he contacted me, he pretended to be someone from my old catholic school for a couple weeks to trick me into talking to him until he then eventually revealed himself to terrorize me, and needless to say this absolutely horrified me.

i’m sharing this experience because i don’t know if it counts as sexual abuse, because nothing physical happened except for him coming to my house and all that. i was also the victim of something that was definitely sexual assault/physically violent later in my teenage years, so maybe i just equate sexual abuse with being that kind of thing, but i don’t know. even if this doesn’t count as sexual abuse/assault, i think that it still absolutely traumatized me. i still don’t have my accounts public, none contain my real name, and any time someone i don’t recognize tries to contact me i get very anxious. i instantly don’t trust anyone with his name, even though i’m much older now (i’m 22) and i know that isn’t fair to the innocent men that just happen to have his same name. i’m still just so anxious that he’s gonna show up and terrorize me again out of nowhere, but i did move to another state away from him so that eases my anxiety about it a lot. i also know that this is all my fault for even engaging with him in the first place like that, and i was so stupid not to just tell someone what was going on, i was just so scared and so young. i didn’t know.

and thats pretty much the gist of it. i’ve been thinking about this experience a lot lately for some reason and it honestly just makes me really sad and upset now that someone would do that to a literal child. anyways, i apologize for the long ass length of this, but i also cannot express how grateful i am if anyone out there actually read all this. i’ve never ever told anyone in person about this in this much detail. i am still extremely embarrassed, ashamed, and blame myself for all of it. even if no one reads this, it still feels good to actually describe the whole extent of what happened for the first time ever. but if you did, thank you so, so, so much. it really does means a lot to me.

TLDR: when i was 13, a 21 yr old man who was a member of my catholic community started soliciting me for nudes. i sent because i was a stupid 13 yr old who was having home life issues and needed positive attention no matter what it was. it quickly turned into him blackmailing me with numerous accounts on every platform threatening to send my nudes to everyone and get me in extreme trouble with my school/parents and just completely embarrass me if i didn’t keep talking to him/sending nudes. i complied because i was petrified, so i sent him whatever disgusting thing he wanted for weeks, he even got me to harm myself. he took pleasure in me being in distress. eventually i angered him more, so he did send my nudes out to people. luckily i was able to convince them it was a troll and not me in the pictures. it escalated to him coming to my school, church, and house, threatening to drug/rape me and harm my family, ruin my life, etc. eventually it did die down when i grew less afraid of him and it got to the point where he was only harassing me every couple of months. this went on for 7 years until i was 19, randomly making a new account to harass me. he mentally tortured me for years and manipulated/blackmailed free child porn out me for months when i was 13. still to this day this experience really upsets me and certain things give me extreme anxiety because of this.

I'm 22, and so is my girlfriend. We have been in a long-distance relationship for six months and have met in real life twice. She shared with me her past experiences of an abusive relationship where she was cheated on and felt pressured into performing oral sex multiple times. She described these acts when we first got to know each other as naive and borderline forced.

We have an active intimate life and often discuss our boundaries. I have asked her multiple times for consent to perform oral sex on me, which she agreed to, although she was sometimes shy about it. However, recently, we had a fight about her past, where she disclosed that she was sexually assaulted by her ex. I questioned how she could stay with him after such assaults, which made her very upset. She insisted that I shouldn't blame her for the abuse, and I sincerely apologized for my remarks. Since then, our relationship has grown tense, filled with toxic fights, name-calling, and disrespect from both sides.

During a recent intimate encounter, I asked her again to perform oral sex, but she began sobbing, prompting me to stop immediately. I assured her that I wanted nothing more than for her to feel okay.

Days later, feeling sexually frustrated, I brought up the topic again, seeking a clear response. She became offended and accused me of insensitivity towards her trauma. I had hoped for a simple 'no' but instead, she responded with anger and name-calling.

I am committed to helping her heal from her traumas and want our intimate life to be consensual and enjoyable for both of us. I recognize that I sometimes unintentionally cross her boundaries. I emphasize the need for proper communication to solve our issues, advocating for discussions without yelling, as I am also sensitive to loud and aggressive arguments due to my own past trauma.

Asking for insights considering this situation, any thoughts/opinions are greatly appreciated!

TW sa sh

Basically, when I was a kid, I was SA'd by my sibling. We're a year apart and in the same high school now. I've only recovered the memory of the assault a couple months ago, and my best friend (who I told about a month ago) has been trying to convince me to tell my mom what happened. (They're not bad intentioned, they just want me to heal).

I don't know if I would even be able to get the words out to my mom, so I thought that maybe if I told someone at school like a teacher, they would tell my mom for me. I picked a teacher who I think would believe me, but now I'm getting scared.

When I reached out for help with sh in middle school, they just called my mom and that was that (that's the policy in ontario, canada). But I'm nervous that there would be some kind of investigation into what happened, since this time, it's about abuse/assault, and not just mental health.

I'm scared that I'll be pulled out of my home, and that would put me in a worse place mentally. I'm autistic, and because of that, a home placement would soo badly affect me. I also don't want my sister pulled out. Not because I care about her or that I think it wouldn't help me heal, but I couldn't do it to my mom. We're all the family she has left, and I don't want to break her heart, as much as it hurts to still live with my sister.

I'm also scared of people finding out. Students, teachers (other than the one I'd tell and trust with it). My sister is a master manipulator, and would probably turn around and make me seem like a bad person. Not a single person would believe me, and I'd be more left out of peer groups than I already am (thanks autism & social anxiety).

I know I need help, but I don't want to make a massive deal out of it, and make it a documented thing, or get pulled out of my home. If anyone has advice they could message me with, it would be really helpful.

I was assaulted in 2023 by someone I was dating at the time, it was mainly groping but it wasn’t consensual and it left me with PTSD. people have been sympathizing with him / trying to see his intentions, and I can’t stand it.

I’ve come on here a few times to talk about how I felt like he was gaslighting me with his response to me confronting him. Essentially, he said “I’m so sorry I caused you to feel that way” and “I wasn’t sure what you were vs weren’t comfortable with.” (Mind you, he didn’t ASK, he just groped me) I tried pushing him off / I had my hand around his wrist to get him to stop, he had to strain to keep touching me, but he didn’t. It lasted for 45 minutes and it was horrible, it felt like an eternity.

Here’s the main reason I am angry. Idk. I guess I come on here because I want sympathy. I feel like I am crazy, but in his response he took no responsibility and told me that it’s on ME to not speak up. I’ve posted on here before about this and a lot of people tend to try and figure out his intentions, which I am not here for. His intentions were to satisfy his needs and not my own. His top priority was himself.

In my head, there is absolutely nothing that justifies what he did. So people coming on here saying “he’s being genuine” doesn’t fucking help.

In 2014 I met a guy that was younger than me. He was 3 1/2 years younger than me. I was really scared pursue anything with him because I at the time I was 15 but we had a connection as time went on. We grew closer we told each other that we loved each other, but we never officially dated, a little while longer he moved away to a different state 6 1/2 hours from me. We message all the time, but that connection was still there, but the distance made it very very hard on both of us. Time went on and he started going to camps and learning stuff and spending most of his summer away from home and I also started going to church camps and things like that just to spend my summers not at home well when I turned 18, I started dating someone and, his parents cut me out of his life. This boy that I met at 15. They cut me message him. I couldn’t talk to him on the phone. Nothing said I was a bad influence because I was dating someone that was not in the church we were so close and then all of a sudden I could not be around him,and I mean not at all. Well this boyfriend was not good at all I’m talking about mental and physical abuse, sexual assault and getting me pregnant and then when he found out beating me to the point where I lost both of my babies before I could ever realize that I actually was even though I had those tests that were positive, I didn’t realize that I was because it makes, you wonder so many things when you see those test results he was not a good person when I finally got out of that relationship. I tried to reach out to the boy that I met when I was 15 to try and tell him what was going on, but there was no hope so. I messaged his mom to tell her what happened because I needed to tell someone, but I was so scared to tell my family but at the same time if I told her she might resent me even more, so I told her that life was starting to be great after the relationship but honestly, it wasn’t. It really wasn’t because he was still stalking me and still coming to my work and trying to get a job at my work but I still wanted to see if I could still be friends with that boy I met at 15 but When I turn 19 it was October 2020 I just got out of that really bad relationship again and I had so many traumatic things happen that I didn’t know how to look up. I didn’t know how to get out and so I went to Tinder lol and I was on a family trip and I met this guy and we had started talking and everything was going great and then he tells me by the way I have an ex-wife and I’m like what were the same age. How do you have an ex-wife well military you know how military men are lol I was like Well you guys are going through divorce we can be friends. We had so much in common and and it was like wow this guy is amazing. This is awesome because like he would tell me stuff and then I would tell him oh my gosh, yeah I like that too because honestly, this dude was like the male version of me by the way, I’m female lol so the divorce gets finalized and I’m gonna meet you by the way we were 11 hours apart from each other.. so I’m like I’m gonna fly to come see you and he was like OK well, my family thought I was delusional because you only FaceTime this man you’ve only ever talk to him on the phone. You don’t know if he’s a serial killer and I was just like nope he’s one of his best friends now I’m gonna go see him go hang out you know, have fun meet the friends that we made together over the phone. I’m excited so I went my best friend drove me to the airport and I was so freaking excited and so we get together and we are together you know we’re hanging out and stuff he takes me to dinner and we end up doing it was not expected, but it happened and then I went home a few days later cause I stayed there for like a week went there and then came back and I went back to work and my mind was like somethings missing like something in my life is missing and me and him are still FaceTime me every day and I’m like dude somethings missing so what do I do? I pack everything up and I move 11 1/2 hours away 24 hour notice that I was moving don’t worry I still paid my rent lol but it was insane but I drove 11 1/2 hours there and I started a job too like right off the bat I got a job even before I had realized that I wanted to move there there was a company that called me and they have a position for you by the way equipment operator also moved to this state house four OK so there’s me this guy that I met on Tinder his best friend and now one of my friends that we all met together OK and I was like dude this is awesome and by the way that friend that we met together is now dating his best friend and I’m like OK this is great we’re in House In and we’re just happy and then some things and that guy that I met on Tinder we’re like hey we’re gonna go get our own place so we went and we got our own place the third night there I was like hey tender guy, I don’t feel so good and he was like hey you should probably take a test so I took a test and boom there’s two pink lines boom there’s a blue + and I’m pregnant am I scared out of my mind absolutely because at the time I’m 19 I’m not ready to be your mom, but those lines are there and it’s about to happen and I’m like crap this is real. This is my life right now and he is over the moon excited and I’m like OK tender guy calm down we’re gonna be OK just give me a minute to process this. so we go to our first hour sound baby looks great and then it’s time to tell our parents and I know my family is going to freak out and we didn’t know about his family so we just played it by ear and we did it we told each side, his parents were like oh OK. My parents were not happy at all when I found out that I was pregnant. But as time went on they got excited. But I knew I needed to tell that guy that I had met at 15 about my situation buuuuut I was cut off so how would I do that? Oh contact his mom. Omg did I get an earful.but life goes on. Fast forward 3.5 years tinder guy now my husband we now have a son and daughter we are buying a house and guy I met at 15 comes across my fb page so I reach out tell him I would like to catch up… I get a very long response… and the jist is is I hate you you hurt me we were in a relationship and you left me (nope never in a relationship we never got that far) and I broke his heart by living with a guy I wasn’t married too. I completely understand I hurt him but the reason I left wasn’t to hurt him it was to escape a stalker and abuser and start over I was focused on me and my happiness and trying to find myself. I left cause I had been hurt so bad. But my husband has helped me heal in so many ways. I wouldn’t be alive without my husband and my babies. I’ve always been afraid to share this but here we are I’m a survivor and if he can’t see that and wants to look down on me then go ahead I’m happy. I’m still healing from the s/an and abuse but I know it takes time.

Hi everyone. I wanted to ask something a bit personal. The guy im seeing has unfortunately been a victim of SA. As someone with a fair share of sexual trauma as well, i really want to make him comfortable and help him out. I am definitely a more sexual person than him and i have never been in a situation where my SO has had and SA experience. I dont ever wanna trigger him but i also want us to have a successful sex life. Any advice please?