Sexual Assault

If someone sexually assaults you, and he has a group of friends who not only went along with it but also laughed and essentially helped enable the crime —or ‘abetted the crime’, it’s heartbreaking enough. But when one of those “friends” is a woman and mother, it’s even harder to process. Would you all see this ‘friend’, who also happens to be a mother of a toddler, as equally as harmful?? Also I need advice to find resources but I’d like to keep myself anonymous for now as I’m still struggling to process everything..

It started consensual but then he shoved it further and further into my mouth until I was starting to choke, he was holding my head there so I couldn’t move, and he was laughing and saying ‘Oh no, you’re not getting up yet’ etc. I feel so ashamed it happened and ashamed to vent it here now but I want to rage that memory out of me.

Recently ended my first relationship and shared with a friend who said she thought I’d been coerced but I think it’s on me.

We were good friends entering the relationship and I was happy as at first I could go as slow as I wanted no pressure and I started the conversation on taking things to the next level. I liked it the first few times but then it became like an expectation to do things every time we were together.

So I started saying whenever we met up that I just wasn’t in the mood today. And he’d say that’s fine but then complain that he wished his hard on would go away continuously. I didn’t feel bad for him or anything I just wanted him to stop so I would do what he wanted even though it always made me feel shit. This happened many times until I ended the relationship.

Afterwards he would always check up on me and ask if it was ok we did stuff even though I said I wasn’t in the mood and I said it was all fine.

So I consented multiple times and reassured him of my consent so I think this is on me.

I think I may have been drugged last night I went out to a party with some friends I was supposed to drive back so I didn't drink alcohol but I drank a glass of coke I remember feeling sleepy and from there it went black several times I woke up and saw people above me in the morning I woke up in a bed without my underwear my whole body hurt and I was full of bruises my phone was full with messages from my friends who were mad at me because they thought I left without them what am I supposed to do now

How do I know if I am experiencing a flashback? i get these memories I don’t want to have & it makes me feel gross but it’s not like I can’t handle it… is it just a memory or is it flashback

I keep wanting to put myself in risky situations…I don’t feel like my SA is valid enough cause I wasn’t raped. I want to be fully taken advantage of because then I would have a reason to act the way I do…then my acting out would be valid & my emotions would be valid. I am not even sure I feel traumatized by my SA

am I alone in this? Is something wrong w me?

Hey there!

So uh, when I was maybe around 7 or so, my older brothers best friend assaulted me. He was probably 15 at the time, maybe 14. I thought that since I was so little when it happened and I didn't even know what SA was, that it didn't affect me and I am fine.

But now I am 20 and literally horrified of sex. I also get really shaky when I think about what happened.

But it wasn't even as bad as it could've been. Though it was close, there wasn't any penetration or anything, so it could've been worse, and I think I'm dramatic.

I never DARED tell anyone about it until last night with my best friend. We were just chatting, it ended up on that subject, and he looked at me like he'd seen a ghost. He was the first ever person I told about it, and while I was talking about it, I felt like I was about to vomit or I couldn't get the words out of my mouth. But I really thought that it hardly even affected me, especially since it wasn't as extreme as what other people have been through.

I'm so conflicted. I feel like I should be over it since it was YEARS ago, and because it wasn't the worst it could've been. But at the same time, I want to get over it so that I won't be so scared to date and eventually have sex. I don't even get why I'm so scared of sex after it? I feel so stupid. I don't know how to get over it.

i got sa'd 4 times when i was a kid, once by my first boy cousin, he made me 'earn' my turn to play on his ipad by taking me and making me sit on his lap. he grinder his thing against me. when this happened i was 9, then once again, at 10, he forced me to kiss him. he literally grabbed my head and forced me to kiss him. at 11, my girl cousin who is 4 years older than me forced me to watch porn, and she made me grind against her ass. we got caught, soo at 12 she forced me to watch it again, then pinned me down and grinned against my ass. now im 14 years old, turning 15 with heavy hypersexuality. i posted my story about his, then i got groomed 4 times, 3 times by the same guy but different accounts. He was more straight forward about what he wanted, for me to cum to his messages. And he almost made me madturbate to my brother, i felt disgusted and deleted the chat. Then this other guy who was pretending to help me but in the ned he confessed that he had gained feelings for me. He was 36 by the way! the grooming, i felt a bit disgusted before, but i want and need it so bad, i dont give a frick anymore, i am so desperate for attention and loving words. once i almost died in the bathtub due to my high sexual needs. i was obviously masturabting with a loofa and the water rose all the way to my neck, almost entering my nose when i got aware of what i was doing.

so yeah........

So I’m in a weird situation I’d like some advice on.

I’m disabled and have carers in. While getting dressed after a shower my carer took a picture while she was holding my semi hard penis. It was slightly aroused for multiple reasons (part of how my spinal injury, the way she was drying me etc)

Anyway I questioned it and she said she wanted a record of a red mark near the base. I’ve had other things pictured in the past just not intimate areas.

After I was dressed I by chance noticed that she sent the picture in a message to contact called ❤️hubby❤️

I didn’t say anything at the time and not sure I’m I’m going to because of all the stress that will come of it. Just want to know where the line is with SA?

I fully think it’s a sexual thing for those two as the way she was gripping with her whole hand seemed off thinking about it afterwards.

I’m 12F and I’m way too young to use reddit but I have nowhere else to go. So my friend who has moved to a different country a few years ago used to get into a bathroom stall next to mine when we were 7 or 8. She would take her shorts off and make me do things I don’t want to say. She also had done this stuff when I was at her house. Im scared to tell my dad because he could easily find her parents and also I don’t live with my mother. But I don’t have evidence and I don’t want to tell my friends or anyone at all. I never saw it as sexual abuse or whatever it’s called because I was young. But I’ve recently thought about it a little and it just came to me. Im scared and nervous and genuinely confused. It hasn’t affected me at all until now and still, it feels like I’m just making it up even though i’m not. What should I do?

I survived sexual assault. I’m just an underaged girl and I managed to fight back. It took me a lot of courage and somehow I made it. My cousin used to SA me often, but I reported him to the authorities and now i feel very happy because I feel a lot better than before.

& not a weird creep thats here to jack off to people’s sexual assault stories

I find myself thinking of the instances where I was touched, and in all of them it was done in a way where it has left doubt on my end on the intentions of those things (they were all when I was under 14). It was less clear actions that were made, that could be passed off as a mistake, or not in the intended way but all of which left me with discomfort, fear or confusion when they happened. I will never know the true intent (which drives me up the wall) and so I’m unsure of what to even title what happened, if there is true validity in my feelings or experience and speaking about it. If I even have a place amongst people who have had very clear instants of it. Because it has happened to everybody, is my very unsure, but impacting experience(s) even worth the thought?

when i was 12 , an uncle who i very much trusted and considered a best friend put his hand on my thighs and then started going higher. i pushed it off and didnt really tell anyone because i thought i would get blamed since he was an alcoholic.. he just acted like it never happened so i never confronted him , just thought it was a mistake and moved on. i even made the mistake of being close to him and continued to treat him like the cool uncle who i could talk to. but i always at the back of my mind had this "what if he had r@ped me/SA'd me?" not in like a fantasy way but in like a nightmare way... it was a thought that often crossed my mind. i couldn't figure out why nor could i get it to stop. i thought i was just being paranoid until one day it actually happened when i was 16. its been over a year and i still feel like i can't undo the touch :(

I was raped multiple times when I was a child then at 17 by someone I hardly knew, he forced his hands into my bra and pants while i tried to fight him off of me. I ended up pressing charges on him and it went pretty well in court. Then at 19 by my at the time fiance and father to my child. He forced me down and tried to put it in while I cried. He thankfully stopped before anything really happened but I don’t know why this keeps happening to me. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I feel like I’m going insane, I don’t know what to do differently so this will stop.

is what they told me when i said i felt like my boundaries were crossed. i had told them early on that i did not want to lose my virginity in a hookup but i also felt like a loser for being a virgin at 23. and at first they told me that it was okay then pressured me into having sex.

this is the thing that keeps bothering me tho; that they said this. they had to have known that this would hurt me deeply right? bc i told them id been sa'd before and thats why i was scared of sex. i feel like they said this to punish me for saying i felt like i was being coerced and pushing them off me when they kept putting the tip in etc.. i think they wanted me to not say anything. i still liked them and wanted to still talk to them too, so i think they said this to make sure i knew that they dont like me and just wanted to hurt me

ive kinda thought about having sex since then.. it happened in september, and my thoughts have been all over the place, on the one hand i dont wanna just sleep with people bc i dont wanna lose my "virginity" to someone random. but at the same time i dont feel like a virgin anymore. idc abt virginity/purity per say, but i want my "first time" to be special but its already too late. and ive been like hyper sexual ever since and looking at things/people differently ever since. its like i wanna fuck everything that moves but at the same time i wanna never leave my room because the one time i stepped out of my comfort zone i got hurt so bad i should never do that again

As the title says, but I've been trying to end the fwb relationship for a while now but have just been hoping that it ends by itself. I'm questioning this because the last time, i was fully blacked out and i don't really remember even going over to her place. I'm also asking this because it doesn't really bother me as I imagine sexual assault would be but I know I wouldn't have sex with her sober and she only ever invites me over when im 10+ drinks in and shes usually stone-sober.

I recently got into the most healthy relationship of life but it’s made me reflect of my past traumas and why I have built up such a wall over the years. My last relationship was 7 years ago and there is this instance that I recently realized was not ok- I feel like I had just buried the memory deep inside. From a young age I made the personal decision that I wanted to abstain from sexual activities until I was engaged or married. So when I met my ex I was very innocent and inexperienced and I ended up going to 2nd base for the first time. But after that first experience he acted so in love with me (basically love bombed me) and so I would feel guilty because I wanted to make him happy/love me but I also didn’t want to do things. There would be instances when i would tell him I wanted to pause our physical relationship and he would get mad at me and give me the silent treatment for days. Then if I gave in he would act like he was super in love with me again.

There was this specific memory that haunts me a bit to this day. It was maybe a month into our “sexual” relationship and I was packing up to leave college to go home for the summer. And I said he could stay with me. Now he took this as an open invite that i was going to give him a bj or handjob or whatever. So he had all these expectations and when he came to stay with me I told him I was tired and not comfortable doing anything that day. So I can’t recall exactly what happened but I remember he went to bed very angry/giving me the silent treatment. And then in the middle of the night I remember we woke and then he randomly started fingering me really hard. I was kinda froze in that moment because he was my boyfriend and I didn’t want to make him more mad. Afterwards I remember going to the living room and sobbing. In the morning I woke up bleeding and realized he had broken my hymen. This started a toxic cycle where he would constantly beg me for sexual favors until I would eventually give in, in order to see the “loving” side of him or else he would be mad at me. He would do things like FaceTime me and beg me to show him part of my body, or he would refuse to turn him camera on and it was because he was jerking off in the background.

Now looking back I still have so much confusion since he was my bf and I thought I loved him at the time. I feel so icky about the whole relationship and it breaks my heart that he was my first experience with a guy. I still don’t know what to call it, and that’s what makes it harder for me to deal with. Was this coercion?

I have been reconsidering the relationship for the last couple months, but I just remembered this incident that happened over a year ago. I don’t know if it was assault or not but I’ve never told anyone.

It was a couple days before New Year’s and I was staying the night at his house. We had been dating for 2 1/2 years at this point. I was a little crossfaded so I wasn’t entirely there, but he was very drunk. He had taken around 11 shots, while being very lean (5’11”, 130 lbs) and a lightweight.

We initiated sex, but it was super late so I was tired. I remember rolling over before he was finished because I was dry and it hurt. I said this out loud to him. After I did that, I kept falling asleep and periodically waking up.

Everytime I woke back up, he would be penetrating me again. I kept moving my body over to get him off of me because it hurt. He then would start to cry, apologizing for being drunk and telling me he didn’t want to hurt me. But this repeated 3-4 more times until I think he finished on my back. Maybe he didn’t even finish, I’m not sure.

I remember feeling disgusted the morning after. But since I agreed to the initial offer of sex, I brushed off those feelings.

I don’t know. He’s my first boyfriend and he was the person who I lost my virginity too, so he’s the only one I’ve ever been intimate with.

Edited for a typo.

i (24F) was at a friend’s (24NB) place the other day to hang out and play video games. friend’s roommate went to bed and we stayed in the living room. me and this person have hooked up before but i had said when we made plans that i wanted this to be a completely non sexual thing. almost as soon as the roommate went to bed, my friend started kissing me and putting their hand on my crotch. i joked that i was trying to focus on the game but they kept going. at some point i froze and they put their hand down my pants and started fingering me. i wanted to stop but i couldn’t get myself to say anything and at one point they had their hand over my mouth, which i tapped in an attempted to say I wanted to stop, but instead they just took their hand off my mouth and kept going. for the most part i was frozen, but my body enjoyed what was happening even though i didn’t want it and i orgasmed eventually. the whole time i kept waiting for it to end and at one point thought about faking an orgasm so it would end faster. I left feeling gross and used and uncomfortable and wondering if I was sexually assaulted because technically I never gave my consent to be fingered.

I was sexually assaulted by a close friend who constantly pushed my boundaries and would try to pressure me into a relationship. After it happened he gaslit me and said that he was hurting too after everything and that I hurt him a lot and that I was making it all about me. I tried to stop talking to him immediately after the fact, but he made me feel extremely guilty and told me that I was the problem, so I continued to stay in contact with him, albeit much less than before. A while after, I met my current partner who I am still currently with. I told him about it, and he was obviously very upset for me. At this point in time my contact with my rapist was liking instagram posts only and that's the only interaction I kept with him until until he decided to remove me as a follower and remove himself as my follower over some arguments we had months prior and he had just decided to do something about now I guess? I'm not really sure of the reason, but quite honestly it's taken a huge load off of me. Come earlier today, I did the petty thing and asked why he was liking another girls thirst traps. He got mad at me and said "why were you still liking [rapists] posts?" Which I couldn't figure out how to respond to and now we're not talking.

I've always been a very passive person and I avoid conflict as much as possible. My rapist constantly gaslit me and guilted me into thinking that everything, both what happened and the fights before that, were my fault. I haven't told many people about what happened and I didn't and for the most part still don't feel like I can be open about it. He's well liked and we have a lot of mutual friends. His artwork is on peoples bodies permanently. His art is on me permanently. I've felt stuck and I still feel stuck. There's a lot on the line both for me and other people and the guilt and fear I carry paralyzes me. I thought the best option would be to keep it peaceful between us and not start anything because I felt like I couldn't handle what would come after. I have no evidence of what he did aside from a recorded conversation and even then I couldn't fully bring myself to say "you raped me" to his face. Theres no substantial evidence. I thought the only option I had was to just keep quiet and keep my head down. I've been made to feel like everything that went wrong in our friendship was my fault.

I don't want to lose my relationship because of this. It seems like it's been something hes been keeping to himself for a while. I don't know what to do.

Not only have a been sexually assaulted recently last year (I'm 19) but I've had these "kinks" since I was about 8. I don't know if I was sexually assaulted as a kid, if I did I don't remember but I do remember seeing very fucked up porn as a child and I'm sure that messed me up. Along with this I also had a schizophrenic and incredibly aggressive older brother who although never did anything sexually to me, still made me be raised in an environment of attempted killing and threats and so much mental Abuse. I know there's a lot of science behind trauma and links to kinks. But I have a cnc kink and I feel very ashamed of it. I would NEVER actually assault someone or get off to real violation but I for some reason get horny on that imaginary situation. I know it's probably normal and common but I feel like a bad person. Is anyone else like this? How do you deal with the shame? Better question how do you stop? I even fantasize about my bf violating me when he's just being a sweet (vanilla) lover.

when though I wasn't. I just attracted the wrong guy and a girl would bully me and did her all to ruin my image. anyway, with guys having this impression of me being 'easy', I was harassed a lot and one time even cornered at a staircase and being fondled by an upperclassman. I never reported anyone. I felt like everyone was against me and nothing I could possibly say would matter because everyone just thinks I'm an easy girl.

I (25F) would get touched by my father when I was younger and he would slide his hand down my pants and touch me when no one was around. I would always freeze up and hoped that someone would walk in the same room so that he would quickly remove his hand so no one can see I can get up and leave or have to wait until he removed his hand. He did stop when I hit puberty around 11 years old, but now as I am older he would try to put his arm around me and touch my bra strap making me feel very uneasy. He also has a very strong stare where I can feel him always staring at me and I hate having to walk near him when I am in the same room as him. I never told my anyone about this because growing up in a religious household I highly believe that nothing while be done or that my mother will just pray that things will be okay and make an excuse that my father had a traumatic childhood which is why he is the way that he is. Now I feel like I have to seek validation in other men/ strangers to approve of me and my body. Even as I was little when I got my first phone, around which was also around 11 y/o i remember sexting stranger and now I have gone to taking nude pics outdoors and video sex in my car. I feel like it has gone too far especially if I get caught by someone with malicious intent or get arrested as a sex offender for public indecency. I should note that I would always look around to make sure no one is around my intention is not to do it in front of people but it is the urge of satisfying the strangers online and I do have window covers for my car when I do these video sex calls so no one can see.

and I'm not sure if anyone knows about it at all but I witnessed some things and I've been victim to it as well. I have an age gap with my sister's so my nephews are very close to my age. we're about three years apart so in our childhood we bonded like cousins and hung out all of the time. I'm older. I clearly recall a time where I would walk into my nephews alone in the closet, naked. I can't pin point our age but we were children. I never told on them and I never talked about it with them either. I just pretended like I didn't see anything. one time my nephew from my eldest sister invited me to play a game where you would watch his pet hamster through a toy telescope and you had to let the other person touch you. he pulled down his pants and peeked through the telescope. I didn't say anything I just left to the living room.

years later I'm 16 and he's about 13. I visited my sister and stayed the night and I woke up to him touching me. he was going for my privates but he stopped when he felt that I had a pad on. I was in my period. he backed away and I guess went to sleep. I never slept over at her house again. I've slept over at my other sister's house and those nephews have never ever done anything like that to me and it makes me think it was him all along.

sometimes I want to talk about it but I feel like it's so late now. my sister is the type to know things and do nothing about it so I also don't know if it'll be worth anything at all. my nephew is an adult now and he hasn't lived with them for years now. he lived with his grandparents since before... if anything, he moved in around the same time he tried to molest me. my sister is married to a man who has kids from a precious marriage and he has a daughter. given his behavior I think it was for the best that he stayed away but I wonder if it had anything to do with what I know.

When I was 18F (now 22F), I agreed to having sex with a guy when I knew I didn’t want to. To give context, he had invited me over to his cottage, and it was kind of clear to me that the expectation was to have sex since we didn’t normally hang out. At the time, I was struggling with my sexuality, I think I knew I was a lesbian but didn’t admit it to myself at that point. So I went to his cottage and after spending the day with him, we drank wine and then went to his bedroom. One thing led to another, I said yes to having sex, and immediately regretted it.

While it was happening I was trying to numb it out, counting down the minutes until he’d be done. While giving oral sex I was on the verge of tears. The whole time I just felt like I couldn’t back out since he was expecting us to have sex and I knew that. I should’ve said no, but felt like I couldn’t or didn’t know how. Afterwards I had a panic attack while laying in bed next to him sleeping and didn’t sleep all night, left first thing in the morning and never told anyone. I think what I’m struggling with is the fact that there’s only myself to blame. He didn’t assault me because I said yes, I violated myself.

I’ve since then struggled with the long-term partners I’ve had. Sometimes when they tried to initiate sex I’d freeze, and instead of saying no, i’d just hope they realize i’m not in the mood and stop.

I guess Im just wondering if anyone else can relate to this ?

Anyone else feel stuck

So this happened a few years ago but it’s left me constantly questioning if I was actually SA’ed or if I’m just over playing it.

So a little background,there was this girl I talked to a lot in high school we’ll call her D. D and I were in a situationship, but I decided to not move things forward but she definitely kept trying to get with me. She would constantly ask me to kiss her and be her “redo” first kiss because the guy she actually had her first kiss with ended up sexually assaulting her. I always said no and made it clear that I solely wanted to be friends. She would also make it a point to try and hold my hand or touch my chest constantly which made me really uncomfortable.

The night in question was prom night I had taken a different girl to prom since D finally seemed to come to terms with the fact that we were not going to happen. She even took someone else to prom too which I deemed a good sign, so we all decided to do pre prom in a big group( there was also more of our mutual friends coming along in the group). After dinner we had time to kill so we went back to D’s house because she lived the closest to the dance.

At her house I ended up having a panic attack and I went into D’s bathroom to try and calm down. I was less subtle about the panic attack as I wanted to be so everyone kinda figured out what was going on. My prom date tried to get into the bathroom but D blocked the door and said “he doesn’t want you he wants me right now” and then proceeded to lock herself and me in the bathroom. This made me panic more and I started going into what I call “shut down mode” where I can’t talk I just start shaking and everything seems like it moves in slow motion. D had me drink water from the sink to try and help and then said “I bet you’re hot let’s take this off” and started undoing my tie. Since I was panicking I couldn’t say much of anything except “um” but I backed away from her and ended up in a corner.

She proceeded to still take off my tie and then my jacket and vest and then started undoing the buttons to my dress shirt. I started to then really freak out and was stumbling over my words trying to tell her I didn’t like this. She just kept repeating that it was ok and that I was fine. I then had managed to push her off me and leave the bathroom. Later that night she kept physically pulling me away from my prom date and kept saying “see you don’t need her you can have fun with me”.

I don’t know if this is considered sexual assault or harassment or however because she didn’t touch me below the belt, but what she did definitely made me uncomfortable. Even down to it when I’m with a girl now if she touches my chest I start re freaking out and I feel 16 again backed into a corner in a bathroom. I just feel like I’m being dramatic and that she didn’t mean anything by it and was truly trying to help me through a panic attack because that’s what she claimed when I asked her about it. I don’t know I don’t tell anyone because I just feel like a liar. Does what she did count as sexual assault?

My ex boyfriend and i were drinking. He said he wanted to have sex we weren’t dating and were friends who used to occasionally fool around. I hadn’t had sex until that point with anyone (i was 21 and now i am 23). I said no since he didn’t have a condom but he kept saying it won’t hurt and that it won’t matter because he would cum outside. I didn’t want to but he was on top of me so I reluctantly said maybe. He penetrated me and it hurt so i asked him (begged him) to stop but he kept saying it will only take a minute. He is a lot stronger so I couldn’t stop him physically. I thought if i offered a blow job instead this would stop. So i offered one and he basically fucked my throat and wouldn’t let go of my head. I couldn’t breathe and was gagging. Eventually he did make me swallow it but as soon as i did i puked. The room was dark so he realised when he turned on the lights. I was feeling very conscious of my body and what had happened so i asked him to switch it off so i could get dressed. He said i penetrated you so what are you feeling shy about. And i was scrambling for clothes and he would switch the lights on and off and start laughing whenever he saw j was embarrassed. Later he apologised a lot when i told him what had happened (he didn’t remember) and said that it was because he grew up on a boys school and had watched porn which was violent. Can the men also provide an answer like am i not taking into consideration these factors and do they really affect decision making?