/r/MeanJokes
What the fuck do you think this is? Read the name, dumbass
Welcome to /r/MeanJokes!
Just some ground rules:
Any topic is free game, but we do not support/condone real-life discrimination of any community. Everyone is welcome here.
This is not a political subreddit. Jokes about political figures are allowed, but we are not here to let you parade your ideologies. Keep is as a joke and nothing else.
Reposts are allowed. Always will be. It is up to the community to vote on what they like and don't like, so don't be surprised if your overused joke gets buried.
Enjoy your time here, because you'll never get it back.
/r/MeanJokes
132,997 Subscribers
My girlfriend told me I needed to be vulnerable and show more affection
so I opened up Tinder
22:57 UTC
With cuts to education funding, America is looking to model schools after the Russian army.
When the student in front of you gets shot, pick up their book.
16:43 UTC
I’m not saying I hate you but if you were on fire and I had water…
I would drink it
06:28 UTC
What's the difference between an incompetently rolled joint and Kamala Harris?
One of them's a kak blunt, the other...
21:43 UTC
What are the best vulgar names to offend someone with?
13:30 UTC
Did you hear about the guy who couldn’t spell?
He spent a night in a warehouse.
00:52 UTC
What’s the difference between anxiety and panic?
Anxiety is the 1st time you can’t do it a 2nd time
Panic is the 2nd time you can’t do it the 1st time.
00:36 UTC
My girlfriend told me that my dick is too small
I said it's for kids
07:34 UTC
Did you hear that the San Diego Chargers hired two nuns and a prostitute in the off season?
They needed two tight ends and a wide receiver.
22:36 UTC
When you jump off a building….
You can only go One Direction
00:11 UTC
What's the difference between homework and class?
I at least pretend to be happy in class.
16:50 UTC
A boss man has to pick from 3 ladies currently working for him as his new assistant. He leaves $500 in each of their desks and waits. Of course 1 spent it, 1 didn’t touch it and 1 invested it returning $1000. Which one got the job?
The one with biggest tits!
20:09 UTC
What does the 'y' in womyn stand for?
Always be yappin'
01:24 UTC
A new Jewish brothel has opened near me.
- It’s called “The Gash Chamber”
01:18 UTC
What wild Princess Diana be doing if she was still alive today?
Scratching at the inside of her coffin.
03:47 UTC
Girlfriend was telling her boyfriend that she was molested as a little girl . He said “ Oh I didn’t knew you liked older men .
22:47 UTC
Clinton, Obama, Bush, Biden and Trump all went to play golf together.
After a great game, they went for some beers and food.
When they were seated in the restaurant, Clinton ordered some BBQ ribs and told the waitress a BJ joke. Obama, who had ordered a tofu burger, got all outraged at Clinton for sexualizing the waitress. Bush ordered chicken-fried steak and kept his mouth shut.
After Obama forced Clinton to apologize, the waitress turned to Trump and asked him what he wants to eat.
"I'll have a YUUUGGEEE T-bone steak," says Trump. "T for Trump! Medium rare!"
"OK," says the waitress. "And what about the vegetable?"
Trump looks over at Biden and says "Ah, Just bring him some chicken tenders and an ice cream cone."
04:26 UTC
Baulderson’s cheese
Any dudes here who have less hair than their dad think that the name of that brand is phonetically offensive?
02:10 UTC
Jesus Christ was originally going to be called Gary…
..until Mary stubbed her toe one day..
23:10 UTC
Why doesn’t a rooster wear underwear?
Because his pecker is on his face.
05:32 UTC
What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an Octopus?
I don’t know but it could pick some fuckin’ strawberries I’ll tell ya!
12:53 UTC
What are the last words uttered before 99% of untimely redneck deaths?
“Hold mah beer and watch this!”
23:47 UTC
What's the similarity between pedophile and mathematicians?
Both use their fingers if it's under 10
17:26 UTC
What did one lesbian say to the other lesbian when they were leaving the nightclub?
“Wanna come back to my place for twattails?
19:07 UTC
Don't forget to leave box cutters in your fire place for the Taliban tonight!
Enjoy some pin the tail on the airplane, twin tower margaritas etc
01:44 UTC
What can six men do, that three women can’t?
Piss in a bucket at the same time.
14:42 UTC
How many white guys does it take to end a reelection bid?
-1
19:14 UTC
What are the most misogynistic jokes towards men you know?
19:02 UTC
Without the Arabs we wouldn’t have 9/11..
It would be IX/XI
10:35 UTC
You know what happens when a woman farts and she’s not wearing pantyhose?
She gets dandruff on her shoes.
22:18 UTC