/r/cleandadjokes
For the stereotypical corny dad jokes you can tell your 5 year old.
For the stereotypical corny dad jokes you can tell your 5 year old.
/r/cleandadjokes
37,999 Subscribers
What goes “oooooooooo”
A cow with no lips.
21:35 UTC
What’s the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws while the complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
05:48 UTC
I've already put 3 reams of paper in my printer, but it still keeps coming up with an alert that says; "I just can't get enough!"
Nevermind, it was just in Depeche Mode.
05:39 UTC
I went to a Mexican restaurant and ordered twelve enchiladas.
But instead, the waiter brought me one footilada.
04:06 UTC
Do you know how to get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese!
04:01 UTC
You are on a horse riding full gallop. Next to you is a giraffe at full gallop, and behind you is a lion on your tail. What do you do?
Get off the carousel……
02:32 UTC
My daughter hurt herself while playing peek-a-boo!
So I took her to the ICU.
23:47 UTC
NFL Commissioner denies officials favor Chiefs
Goodell said he understood how fans could feel that way because of their passion for the game, but called it a “ridiculous theory.”
“A lot of those theories are things that happen on social media and they get a new life,” Goodell said.
Goodell was immediately flagged and penalized 15 yards for roughing Patrick Mahomes
23:42 UTC
What does a condiment wizard perform?
A Saucery.
12:01 UTC
I was skeptical about orthotics until I tried them.
I stand corrected.
10:06 UTC
Did you know that the Kool-Aid man plays baseball?
He's a pitcher
06:53 UTC
What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
No idear
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs ?
Still no idear.
23:41 UTC
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one…..
23:05 UTC
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X
She’s not coming back and don’t ask Y!
22:01 UTC
What do you call a mathematical pattern that's also a German radicalist?
The Fibonazi sequence
20:07 UTC
Why not?
The sailors did not knot knots for knots.
18:45 UTC
Do you know why snails fart so much?
Because they're GAStropods!
14:45 UTC
Five ants rented an apartment. They sublet a room to five more ants.
Now they’re ten ants!
05:57 UTC
I was hit by a sword made of bologna.
Now I have cold cuts.
05:43 UTC
Why was the fisherman so good at geometry?
Because he was a great angler.
01:55 UTC
Why don't you take a watch to the forest?
Because there's too many ticks and not enough tocks.
01:45 UTC
My first day working at the pizza shop I tried to shove a large pizza into a medium box.
There wasn't mushroom.
23:12 UTC
The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when i was browsing……
So I asked him to leave me alone. He said, “Fine, suit yourself”……
13:05 UTC
Where do cucumbers go for dates?
The salad bar.
08:22 UTC
I just found out that “AAAAARRRRRRGHHHHH” isn’t a real word.
I can’t tell you how angry I am!
03:53 UTC
What do you get when you cross a fortune cookie with a comedian?
A laugh you can count on!
02:12 UTC
What do you name a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter, he won’t come when you call anyway.
00:55 UTC
Why are space cows better than earth cows?
They're meteor.
00:23 UTC
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef 😂
00:05 UTC
What did the scarf say to the top hat
I’ll hang around while you go on ahead
21:47 UTC