DEDICATED HELP SUBREDDITS

Just quick vent because I'm incredibly sad and frustrated rn.

Caught my (18M) GF cheating a few months ago after a four year relationship and I recently decided that I was ready to get back into dating.

I'm mostly talking about this last time, as it's been affecting me the most by far. I met this girl IRL, we were working on a chemistry lab project together and hit it off when we realized we had the same major. We spoke often and hung out outside of college as friends a couple times. It didn't take me long to fall head over heels for her. We clicked together so well, we had very similar hobbies (we often played video games together and were in the middle of a BG3 co-op campaign), we always got along, and she just understood me on a level that no one really had before, including my ex, and thats not even mentioning how drop dead gorgeous she was. She arguably knows more about me than anyone else, and I have confided some things to her that I didn't think I'd ever share.

She was the only person I've ever known to actually just listen, without giving unwanted advice, or making it about herself. She just sat there and listended, with this look in her eyes that made me want to cry, and when I was done, she didn't say anything and just gave me a massive hug and it was in that moment that I felt truly happy for the first time since I caught my ex cheating.

We talked and texted daily, to the point my roomated refused to believe we were "just friends", and her friends would text me and beg me to just ask her out because apparently she was super into me (which I'm not surprised I missed, I'm super clueless).

I finally grew the balls to ask her on a proper dinner date (she enthusiastically agreed), rented the nicest suit I could find, bought her favorite flowers, cleaned my car out, made a reservation at the best restaurant I knew, and busted out my nicest cologne. I don't think I'd every been that excited for anything. We texted non-stop the night before about how awesome it was going to be, and she even hinted at going back to her place if things went well. I confirmed with her the morning of, and we agreed to meet at the restaurant around 7pm (even though I made it clear I didn't mind picking her up).

7pm comes, and I'm waiting outside. I already checked in and made sure our table was ready, so I'm just standing right outside the entrance and texting her that I'm here. After 15 minutes, I text her again asking her if she had any trouble getting here, and that I could still come and pick her up. After 30 I get worried and ask if everything is alright and if she is safe. After 45 someone comes out and says they can't hold our table any longer so I tell them to give it to someone else and I call her, no response. I send her another text asking if everything is alright and telling her that I was on my way to knock on her door just to make sure she was safe. At this point I can see she has read all my messages.

I show up and her roomate answers. Without even saying anything her roomated tells me that she doesn't know where (the girl) is, despite her snapmap showing that she was in the house 2 minutes ago. I don't push it or say anything and ask her to let me know if she gets back safe, although at this point I'm pretty sure she was in there.

I got home, stripped off my suit, and just cried my eyes out for an hour. Luckily, my roomates weren't in to judge me. I got on my computer to find out she essentially unfriended/blocked me everywhere, including the games we played together.

This was all 3 days ago and I don't think I've ever felt this lonely. At this point I've lost my motivation and only get out of bed to attend classes and get my homework done. I feel like some kind of freak, undeserving of love. I push everyone away, I did it with my ex, and now I've done it with this girl and I don't even know what I did wrong. She seemed fine earlier in the day but just dissappears later. We've met and hung out so many times. I just feel disgusted by myself. I thought I took the last 2 ghosts fairly well (I had also met the previous 2 women irl, although it was in social settings, bars and mixers) since we didn't know each other too well but at this point it feels like a pattern with me as the common denominator. I feel pathetic getting this hung up over someone I wasn't even in a relationship with, and all the repressed memories from my past breakup have come rushing back.

I've started to resent dating, but there's nothing I'd hate more than to become that one guy who sits in front of his computer all day and blames women for all his misfortunes. I want to be better. I work on myself constantly in order to be someone I can take pride in, I work out 5 times a week and I'm proud of my current state. But whats the point of living this life if I've got no one to share it with? All my close friends rave about how awesome their partners are, and how great they feel as a couple, while all I could do was grin and bear it with the hopes that I would also find someone I could share that joy with, but not anymore. I'm so close to giving up and I just can't see the point of going thru all this effort when it results in nothing.

Sorry for the vent, but I'm just so frustrated, it seems that no matter what you do, something happens. Either someone funnier/better looking comes along, or they realize they're not ready for a relationship, or they find out I'm just plain ugly. I just wish I could at least know why. Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

Last week, my (25F) boyfriend (33M) came home with a beautifully wrapped gift box, and said it was a special surprise to celebrate our 6-months into dating. I thought maybe it would be something romantic, like a cute dress or lingerie but when I opened it, I was a bit taken aback. Inside was a red latex mini dress, a bright red ball gag, and soft pink rope. At first, I wasn't sure what to make of it, but as I thought about it more, I realized it was an opportunity for us to try something new which my boyfriend always talked about the past few weeks, and the idea of being bound up and exploring this side of our relationship really intrigued me as well. I had never tried bondage or anything like this before, but I trusted him, and I was excited to see where it would go On the day we planned to experiment, he came home from work looking a little tired, but he seemed eager to follow through with our plans. He said we should go ahead with it. was super excited, SO got ready. He had me nicely undressed and laid me on the bed, and then he tightly bound me with the pink rope, leaving me in the latex dress, fed me some cinammom candies before putting the ball gag in my mouth to finsh the look. felt a mix of excitement and vulnerability, but i was really into it. The whole experience felt new and thrilling. But then something started to feel off. He didn't undress, and he stayed in his work suit, looking a bit distracted. He sat on the bed beside me and gently caressed my cheek as I lay there, and I was still trying to figure out what was going on. He then told me he'd bought a vibrator, and without much explanation, he placed it on me and switched it on. I was rea/ly confused at this point. Why the vibrator? And why wasn't he more involved in the experience? just listened as I couldn't speak with the gag on me He apologized, saying he had a few work calls to attend to, and told me to just relax and enjoy the experience. He kissed my cheek and said he was setting up the security camera so he could monitor me in case there was an emergency. He said he wanted to make sure I was safe and that he could take care of me if something went wrong. Then he left the room to handle his work calls. didn't say anything that night because I didn't want to make things awkward or seem ungrateful, but I couldn't stop thinking about how felt used and abandoned. I'm still processing everything. I did enjoy parts of it-the vibrator was great, and I had an orgasm- but I can't shake the feeling that he didn't prioritize me emotionally. I felt betrayed by the whole situation. I would love to hear what other people think. Am I overreacting? Was it wrong of him to leave me like that while he went off to work even though I know his work was important that night with a major client presentation? How do I even bring this up with him?

I snapped something in or around my dick before I turned 18 and had ED ever since. The right side is normal, but the left side is not as hard as it used to be. My life is turning around, but this injury from so long ago is still plaguing me.

I’m a few weeks into college. I have graded assignments and assignments that aren’t graded. They all get scored, but not all of them count toward my final grade.

I didn’t get full marks on the non-graded assignments; but I’ve gotten full marks on each of the ones that are graded, including a quiz (five in a row, baby! 😎🤓)!

What’s really cool is that I had a graded assignment that I scored 6.5/10 for. It was supposed to be an easy one, so getting that kind of a score somewhat gutted me. It was more confusing because the feedback I got was about not meeting the word count, needing to put more of “my voice” into the essay, and having a few editing mistakes.

First off, none of these require that much of a docking of points. Second, I’d met the minimum word count. Third, I’m typically great at editing.

So I wrote to my professor. He didn’t reply to my message, but he changed and gave me full marks on that assignment! My record went back to being unbroken! Let’s see how long the streak lasts.

Also, overall, I’m really enjoying college. I’d kind of freaked out when I first started, but it’s manageable and enjoyable so far.

Okay I know the title seems a little weird but hear me out.

I am currently speaking to a guy and he really great, caring, kind and cute and he’s been checking up on me daily to see how we are and we have spent hours on the phone chatting and laughing but sometimes i feel like it isn’t real. Like it was all just a dream.

I have been in really horrible relationships in the past filled with all types of abuse and come from a family that have emotionally groomed me to be their therapist and confidant (I am in therapy btw)

I cannot explain the feeling it has, like he willing to spend 1/3 of his pay-check to come and see me for a few days next week if he has the time off. Which is so strange to me cause I’m always been the one in past relationship to have to organise and spend my money on the person I was with. He asked about my injury and being very vulnerable and transparent with me as I have with him but honestly I’m just scared!

Don’t get me wrong I am happy but in nervous and terrified. Weirdly enough green flags scare me cause I have never experienced them before in a relationship dynamic. Advice would be great!

Itching is caused by specific nerve receptors on your skin. When stimulated, you must itch. Dandruff is caused by bacteria on your scalp, which release toxins, which damage your skin and stimulate said receptors. The skin clumps, and is shed. Shampoos for dandruff target these bacteria and kill them to prevent this. Not just any damage will stimulate the receptors, however. Using alcohol based sanitizer doesnt immediately cause your hands to itch despite the damage the alcohol causes to your hands, yet later on it may due to dryness.

Why is it that dryness causes itching? Is it because dry skin is the bacterial equivalent of a desert, so they shrivel up and die and release toxins? Do they release toxins deliberately to make you itch so you will scratch and spread them to your hands to spread their children to another, possibly safer surface? Who knows?

My ass was itching about an hour ago. It itched and itched, yet no matter how much I scratched it wouldnt stop. I had been trying to sleep and it wasnt helping. So, I showered. That didnt help either. Then I remembered the cause of itching, and decided enough was enough. I would kill every last one of the fuckers living down there. I grabbed some toilet paper, doused it in isopropyl alcohol, and wiped away. It burned, and I wiped again. It burned even worse, but I pressed on. Then I rinsed myself off; alcohol binds both to oil and water, so even if they released toxins as they died it should have bound to the alcohol and then the water. More importantly though, did it work? Does bacterial genocide solve itchy skin?

Well, my asshole doesn't itch anymore. Have fun with that knowledge. Goodnight.

I’m possibly never going to celebrate a 20th or 30th wedding anniversary. I’m in my mid 40s. I’ve been married twice before. Once for ten years. Once for sixteen years. I’m not at a place where getting married again is in my foreseeable future. And if I do get married again I’ll probably not make it to 20 or 30 years. It just made me kind of sad when I realized that may never be something I’ll experience.

United Healthcare’s CEO was shot and killed in what seems to be a targeted attack, and many people are absolutely ecstatic over this fact, celebrating the killer, and hoping that he gets away with it.

Very few of these now happy people knew that this man existed before today, and now they can watch a video of his killing and … be happy.

This is depraved.

And I could go on and on about how inhumane it is. This was a man with a wife and two children who now have no father. He was ruthlessly gunned down on the street. Imagine those kids seeing the video. Imagine them seeing the Internet celebrate.

But on another level, I do have room in my heart to believe people should die. I wouldn’t sit here and say that assassination attempts on Hitler were plainly wrong.

But THIS is just practically stupid. Brian Thompson is not the mastermind behind the healthcare system in the United States. He’s a cog in the machine. Killing him does nothing. The next guy will gladly take the minuscule risk that goes along with $10M in compensation. Nothing will change.

I do not know if the Internet makes people this way or if this is how humans have always felt and the Internet is just a way to see it firsthand, but the widespread desire and celebration for bloodshed and death and violence is disturbing to me. It’s as if we are separated from these lives so it’s easy not to care about them on a human level. I don’t know, but I find it sad.

I (41F) have been “casually” seeing a guy (39M) for a few weeks now, and it has been the most amazing few weeks, and I am keen to pursue this, however I have no clue where he stands or how he feels because it has become apparent that he doesn’t like to open up (or has not interest in being vulnerable with me). I am so confused by him, but he has been sweet and has the most beautiful nature.

Plot Twist - a guy I used to work with is back in town, and we called me out of the blue. There was always an attraction between us, but never acted as we were both married or when his marriage ended I was still in mine and I was not willing to have an affair. He is a few years older than me (46M) and a very smooth operator - I used to call him the ladies man because he did everything by the book to win people over. He has asked me out for drinks and a proper catch up as it has been 8 years since he moved interstate. I said I would get back to him, and whilst it would be good to catch up, he has become very interested in why I separated from my ex husband 11 months ago and asked if I was seeing anyone. So technically yes I have been seeing someone, and sleeping with them, but I have no idea if we are exclusive (adding that yes I want to - I genuinely like him a lot, and want to build something with him) - I also don’t know if I want to revisit the past of the old work guy because before he moved interstate he asked me to leave my marriage and go with him. But what if the guy I’ve been seeing has no interest in anything with me other then sex and I missed an opportunity to see where things could be with this other guy HELP!!

I work in a medical clinic, and suffice to say, insurance is very much the villain to patients in my line of work.

United Health Care specifically.

A few months ago, United Health Care rolled out brand new Patient Summary Forms (PSF) as a form of prior authorization. This came out of nowhere and frankly pissed off a lot of patients.

With these forms, patients are now required to list their symptoms and pain levels and in turn, we submit these forms to United Health Care for them to determine if the patients’ pain is bad enough to authorize either physical therapy or any other treatment.

Here’s the shitty part.

Patients can list whatever symptoms they want within the small boxes provided, but if United Heath Care does not agree, then those patients get absolutely no coverage for their treatment.

Mind you, this is one piece of paper. The patients have a section about the size of a paperweight. We cannot submit plans of care or clinical notes, just a single piece of paper with boxes to check and a few lines in which to write words.

It is repulsive, to be quite honest.

Now, I wish no ill will on the UHC CEO killed today. I think that is never the answer, and I feel for his family.

Unfortunately, though, I am not surprised that someone finally snapped and took aim at what they see to be the source of their ailments.

If anything, today proved without a doubt that the American healthcare system is broken.

Is it bad to love my dog the same or as much as my girlfriend? l've had my dog since he was born, I helped birth him, he's 8 years old now. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 7 months now, we have a really strong and healthy relationship. She (18) recently asked me (19) why i spend so much time with my dog when I'm not with her. Then she asked me if I love him more than her, to which I responded "I love you both equally. I get our relationship is semi-new but still, is it a bad thing?

I feel like I have never belonged anywhere on earth. I’m like a weird alien. I have some friends but it feels like I put on a character for them. I have never had a girlfriend and I talk to nobody unless I essentially have to. I don’t have a real relationship with either of my parents and I’m a loser. I don’t understand why I couldn’t have been somebody else

Never have I ever had a relationship, not even hand-holding romantically.

I’m in my late 20s, and I see teenagers and people of all ages with their significant others. Instagram is full of them, and everywhere I go, I see couples hugging, holding hands, and doing everything else. I feel so bad for myself because I’ve never had that, and now I want it, but it feels too late. Even when I try, I can’t get past the talking stage.

In my life, only two people have shown interest in me, and that was almost a decade ago. I was too shy and insecure back then. I wish I had done all the things I crave now, so at least I wouldn't be berating myself. Sigh

Vent over. Thanks for reading, if you did.

Iv come to miss that though as awful as it may be.

Iv bulit a family Life Love comfort.

Protection of those i keep close

But deep down if I could I would go back

Back to fighting back to survival each day

I would

Brotherhood Red in tooth and claw Day by day alive

Awful thoughts of what if here and now? I'd do my best keep them safe Send them somewhere safe

But I'd want it, fight again Live that life On edge

Simple times fight Win Or die Remembering times before The fight the flame

It’s still difficult for me to know if I’m within lane lines and I have a lot of trouble with depth perception and judging if cars are far enough away when I need to turn. I have a lazy eye and the vision in one of my eyes is terrible, but this has never been an issue in maintaining my license as long as I’m wearing corrective lenses.

I can’t figure out how to competently do this thing that I’ve been doing over half my life.

I was in a car accident recently (first ever with another vehicle) and I also drove on the other side of the road in the UK and that was a bad experience. Now I really hate getting behind the wheel.

Lobbyists are next .

Hey there. thanks for choosing to read this post.

I'm a 17 year old boy in my final year of high-school, and I feel like my entire life up until this point has just been a mistake. I've never had any immense achievements either athletically or academically, and in both cases I've always been distinctly average or below. I've got an average GPA, and have always had trouble committing myself fully to school (which I know is my fault. I'm a lazy mess, I'll admit it). I've done numerous sports (Track, Wrestling, Swimming) and come close to winning tournaments or events in all of them but never quite done it. The only thing I really have to show for my time in school is a large handful of school plays I've done (even gotten lead role a few times), but I feel like most people couldn't care less about how good of an "actor" you are. Honestly, I don't really care too much about all of these things, but I just thought I'd mention it since it's definitely a part of my self-hatred issues.

The largest problem is how big of a social failure I am. I have one close friend and a small group of mutual friends whom I hang out with on a semi-regular basis, but I'm never the first person invited and I almost always feel out of place.

Communicating and talking with people feels so wrong 90% of the time. I never know what to say and every interaction feels so forced, and I never have more than very brief small talk with my peers because if it. I've tried so hard to be a social butterfly. I put myself out there frequently by going to events and meet-ups but nothing ever changes. I constantly put on a confident and cheery persona but behind closed doors I'm a complete wreck. It feels like no matter how hard I try to change, I'm just never normal.

I just don't get other people at all. I don't understand how they communicate with social media. I don't understand how they know when to talk and when to shut up. I don't understand how to appeal to their sense of humor. I feel alien. And whenever I'm not actively forcing a personality, I feel even weirder. I listen to weird music. I walk weird. I talk wierd. I text weird. Every single thing about me is odd to everyone else.

The biggest thing weighing me down lately is my complete lack of luck or experience with girls. All my friends have had at least one relationship by now. They've had first kisses, lost their v-cards and all the like. Me? Absolutely nothing. I've asked out 2 or 3 girls and they all said no. Said I seem like a nice guy but they just don't like me that way. I don't think girls are repulsed by me, and I surprisingly believe myself to be a relatively attractive person. But even my buddies who are butt-ugly have better luck than me. I don't think the problem is confidence, I really just think there's something wrong with me.

The closest thing I've had to a relationship is with a girl I met online during summer break 2 years ago. We met playing a video game and really hit it off. We would call constantly, talk constantly, tell eachother everything. Even do corny stuff like video call and watch movies together into the late hours of the night. It's the closest I've ever been with anybody in my life.

Against my better senses, I developed really strong feelings for her and decided to tell her a few months into our friendship. She said she felt the same way and things seemed really great for about a month or two, and then she just started to distance herself from me for no real reason. Seemed less interested in hanging out, would go days or sometimes up to a week without even responding to texts. Once or twice she would ask mutual friends if I was still interested in her, so I assumed she was just being crazy awkward, but I don't know for sure. I know that she was going through some stuff at the time but the complete lack of input from her side made us drift apart.

A few months ago I decided to hit her up again and see if she wanted to talk and catch up, and we've been hanging out again since then. But the whole time I've just gotten this distinct feeling that she doesn't really care all that much about me. It takes her a long time to respond to texts, and she "forgets" about our plans to hang out from time to time. But every single time we actually do hang out, it's absolutely amazing. Great conversation, lots of laughs, all for numerous hours at a time. It really feels just as great as it used to.

Once again, against my better judgement, I've developed really strong feelings for her. I told her about it a week ago and she responded to it in a way that I didn't suggest at all. She told me that she loves me. That I'm always going to have a place in her heart, but that she just doesn't think we can make it work with the distance in mind. I agreed, but brought up the idea of me applying to her college since she had brought it up previously and seemed to really like the idea. Then we had a short conversation about it, and she still seemed like she liked the idea, but she just stopped texting in the middle of it and I haven't heard from her since. It's been the better part of 9 days.

So I conclude that she was just bullshitting me when she said all that stuff. I know she's got a lot on her plate right now and has personal struggles that have been eating her up lately, but I just can't bring myself to believe that over the course of a week you wouldn't think to text somebody that you "love so much", especially since we ended off in the middle of an important conversation. I guess the whole situation has just left me really hurt since I do feel really strongly about her, but I know it's my fault for getting attached in the first place.

I didn't really expect that I would end up typing that much about that whole situation with her since I didn't want it to be the focal point of this post, but I'm not gonna delete it since it would feel like a waste. I guess it's relevant since I've only ever really met one person who actually seems to get me, accept me, and understand me but; even she doesn't want to talk to me at all.

If you ended up reading this whole mess, thank you so much. This all only really helps me because I know that people are actually hearing what I have to say about my fucked-up self. It's just therapeutic to get it off my chest, I suppose.

Thank you, and have a blessed day.

Is this an unpopular or Wierd thing to like the taste of? Similar to an ice lolly stick, the kind of wooden cutlery you get at a fast food joint sometimes. I’m kind of disappointed when it gets wet and the taste goes…

I feel like I don't know what I want to do. Or rather, I don't like what I'm doing. My life certainly isn't bad. I'm very lucky in many ways. I just feel like my day to day isn't enjoyable. Is that a lot to ask? I feel like I mostly live to work and work to live.

This might just be the struggle of adapting from college to adult employed life. But that makes me wonder if I'm just going to get used to a less enjoyable life and feel used to the discontent I feel right now. I have a decent paying desk job that I got out of college. I'm a decent (read: trying not to make work my life) worker that got a relevant degree with decent grades at a good school. But I feel like I just don't enjoy my day to day. I work out daily (either before or after work) and do some chores when I get home. But I just feel like I just don't enjoy anything that happens on a weekday.

Am I supposed to be motivated to excel in my career? I have family responsibilities that I need a decent salary for but I just can't fathom sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day (lunch doesn't even count!) with minimal variety in work that I stare at on a screen a foot from my face. I did an engineering degree at a tough enough school with three season D1 sports training and this just seems like an insurmountable task to commit to for 40 years compared to that. Something about the lack of physical or social stimulation makes me feel like I'm already fading away as a person. I feel like what little free time I have is dedicated to exercise and even after that I've barely interacted with anyone I would call a friend.

Is this life? I feel like I'm barely coasting on my reserves of social satisfaction from school and what I can muster through phone calls to friends and the little in-person interaction I have with my roommates (also old friends, just barely see them). Is fifteen days off a year enough to stave off the collapse of my identity?

Objectively speaking, I'm doing pretty good. But I can just feel my "self" being chipped away at and it makes me feel like I'm headed for a miserable nothingness.

In case anyone's wondering, I don't feel suicidal or anything like that. Just dissatisfied. I consider myself very social, and I just can't wrap my head around sitting at a desk forever sending people who sit 12 feet from me messages on Teams about whether something should be a beam or a truss.

After decades of judging her choices, becoming a mother myself, and now approaching the age she was during our hardest times, I suddenly get it. The sacrifices, the exhaustion, the impossible choices. Wish I could go back and hug my younger self and tell her to be gentler with mom. Anyone else experience this shift in perspective?

Chief executive officers of health care companies often receive threats because of the nature of their work.

Really? The nature of their work? Why don’t you just say it. They get threats because they run companies that each year take hundreds of billions of dollars of the public’s hard earned money and do everything possible to avoid paying any of it out for healthcare coverage to the point where these corporations make billions of dollars in profit while their customers suffer and die.

I have always been insecure about the way I look. I want people tend to talk about the way I look in a bad way my heart tends to drop. I don't like being like this I rather be someone who could say I don't care and move on with my day. But I haven't been able to I mean I've gotten better and snapping back not snapping but telling them to stop saying what they're saying. But at the end of the day I to think about it and get insecure again.

Do you guys feel that way too?

Since I remember I've always felt that way when I try to listen to this kind of music, on YouTube or even the music they put in massage/relaxing places.

Like it definitely doesn't relax me, I make me feel like shit and very nostalgic, thinking about all the things that where in my life and are not anymore. Last time I went for a massage it literally ruined everything.

Do you guys know a way to find musics that would help me relax without felling that way. I mean I'm not depressed, I just want to be able to listen to some nice relaxing music while I'm reading when I go to bed without feeling heartbroken out of nowhere 😂

I have no idea what I'm doing, it's like I'm just a leaf on the wind. I'm watching things unfold, and they've been good, but I just feel like who the hell am I? Apparently I'm now a blue collar worker, living in a small town, I have a date tonight and I feel like I'm an outside observer. It's this feeling of "Well, this is happening." I'm excited for it of course, but it feels so weird and, I dunno, the book of my life just went to some weird new chapter.

My entire life flipped upside down this year, I broke up with my ex of 10 years, moved back to my home town, new job, didn't know anybody, and then got a TBI. Whacked my head on the pavement hard enough to cause a brain bleed. I was hospitalized for a few days, they didn't know if I'd make it, but here I am. I feel different.

Like I look back on the last 10 years and it feels like a weird dream, why did I even date her so long, stuck in the same dead end job for so long? Stagnating. I don't regret it, we had a lot of amazing memories, I met my best friend through her and we talk everyday, I don't regret it but I just feel... Who was that guy? What was I doing?

Now I just feel, disconnected? Like depersonalization maybe? I'm going on a date tonight and it's I feel like "Yeah I guess this is happening?" All these people are reaching out, and I just go with it, like I just don't care anymore about the anxiety I used to have about a first date or going to a random coworkers party, I just say fuck it and don't even allow myself to overthink about it, I just do it.

But what am I even doing? What the hell happened? Who am I? I don't go on dates like this, I don't work hard labor busting my ass while cracking innapropraite jokes with my coworkers. I don't live in bumfuck nowhere. That's not me. I was a bartender with customers that loved me, I can't stand the idea of doing that again. I thought monogamy was the end all be all, now it makes me feel weird.

This isn't me, not the me I thought I knew. Maybe it's just growing pains from the breakup and all that, but I'm finding it hard thinking the TBI isn't part of it.

I don't even know who I am, I'm just going with what happens, watching everything happen around me, like a Sims character.

I'm not really complaining I guess, just venting, but it feels very... Intimidating and strange. I'm making good choices, I am in control of my life, but I wonder how much?

Rant over.

I struggle to be happy often; I suffer from crippling chronic depression most days even with medication. Now, I’m sure having the money Shaq has would certainly help me be happy since I would truly appreciate living with no concern of being too broke to buy groceries. But I believe he is innately happy as a person and I wish I knew how he does it. It’s got to be neurological and personality related more than anything so I don’t think I’ll reach that natural level of satisfaction and happiness but I sure would love to.

After arrest It’s hard to describe the feelings I was experiencing as I sat in the back of that police cruiser with my hands cuffed behind my back. I was on my way to jail, a place I’d never imagined Id ever see in real life. My knowledge of institutions began and ended with rehabs. The only knowledge I had about the place that was waiting for me in merely moments was what my ex had described when he was taking people to jail. He described having to slam people to the floor for attempting to fight both him and the corrections officers at the jail. He once told me about a man who refused to stop slamming his head against the plexiglass window while the intake woman was asking him questions about his past medical history. There was another story of an arrestee spitting in the face of someone sitting next to him while being booked in. I had a ton of references to the jail experience from an officer’s point of view (my ex) but I had no idea what I was about to experience as the prisoner. I was in for a rude awakening to put it mildly. When we arrived at the jail I was escorted out of the cruiser. My eyes were glued to the ground as the cop led me from the parking lot into the jail. He had a tight grip on my arm just above my elbow.

“I’m cuffed behind my back for Gods sake” I thought to myself. “Where do you think I’m going to run to? Plus, I didn’t just kill 3 people, I was simply not notified that I had a warrant and I had a little bit of drugs on me, that’s it! The death grip on my arm is a little overkill don’t you think?”

Of course I didn’t say this to the cop because he had already made it very clear that I was beneath him. Someone who was pathetic for using drugs, and someone he was very happy to take to jail. Again, of course he never said this out loud, he didn’t need to. I could read it in his body language, by the way he spoke to me, and by the stupid grin on his face when he found the foil in my car. He looked like he’d just found a set of keys he’d lost and had been looking for. His feeling of self satisfaction was very apparent.

“This is probably what keeps him going, seeing others in complete misery somehow gives him a sick satisfaction. Cops are supposed to enjoy their profession because they get to help people in distress, not revel in people’s pain. How pathetic”, I thought.

Then again, I can’t imagine how pathetic he thought I was. I guess our feelings towards eachother were mutual.

When we arrived at the large metal door that looked like it was reinforced three times over, I heard a loud buzzing noise as the cop pulled it opened. Once that door shut behind us with a loud bang, there was another door, identical to the previous one. It too, buzzed open and we walked through that one.

When we entered the small room, I saw a yellow line painted on the floor along with a set of red hand prints painted on the wall in front of it.

A female guard was waiting for us as the door closed with another loud bang. She began putting blue gloves on and asking the police officer that accompanied me, various questions.

“What’s the deal with this one? Is she going to cause problems or will she be cool?” the guard asked.

“She hasn’t caused any issues but we didn’t have a female officer to fully search her, so there’s that.”

Once their exchange ended she looked at me and began her first line of instructions in a tone that made me think she had said this same set of words hundreds of times in her line of work.

“Listen, if you’re cool, I’ll be cool. Look at that sign and read it to me aloud.”

I looked at the sign and began reading.

“Knowingly bringing drugs or weapons into this facility is prohibited and will result in further prosecution.”

As I read aloud to her, I saw her reach in her pocket and pull out her handcuff key. She began to unlock my handcuffs one at a time.

I wasn’t handcuffed for very long but the metal bit into my wrists for long enough that there were imprints that remained visible. I brought my wrists in front of me and rubbed each of them, feeling the depressed skin under my fingertips.

“Now that you’ve read the sign, do you have any drugs or weapons on your person? If you do, tell me now because I will find them and you will be charged for them” the guard began again.

“No, I don’t have anything on me” I said honestly.

“Do you have anything that will poke me or stick me?”

“No” I responded.

“Put your hands on the red hand prints on the wall, spread your legs and keep them behind the yellow line on the floor. Don’t remove your hands from that wall and don’t move your legs or feet. I’m going to search you.”

I followed her instructions and she started her search.

Her gloved hands began at my waist band in a patting motion. Then swept down each of my legs and back up before moving to my shoulders. She then swept her hands down each of my arms before she landed back at my waist band. She lifted my shirt up and pulled the waistband of my jeans out in the front, then around to the back.

My eyes stared down at the dirty floor beneath me. Why does this feel so violating? I obviously understood why she was searching me, but that didn’t make it any easier and it didn’t make it feel any less violating.

Just when I thought she was done, she grabbed the underwire of my bra and began to shake it.

Now, when I say “shake” I don’t mean gently. I mean she shook it like a bartender shakes a whiskey on the rocks between two glasses before pouring it into its final drinking glass.

When she was done shaking my bra, she instructed me to take my shoes off.

I took my grey healed boots off and she handed me a pair of orange rubber slides that looked like they’d been worn by a few hundred other people.

The left slide was ripped halfway through and as I walked, I had to actively keep my feet from flopping out of them.

We walked to another room that was alive with the sounds of people swearing and crying. Some were actually laughing and joking with eachother. There were rows of grated benches full of people whom I assumed were also just arrested and awaiting their fate.

The guard directed me to sit and wait for my name to be called. She then turned around and walked back to the room we just came from.

Where the hell do I sit? I need a secluded spot in the corner where no one will talk to me and I can just blend into the wall like I don’t even exist. Like I havnt just been arrested and am waiting in the booking area of an enormous inner city jail.

“This is not actually happening. This is not actually happening. This is not actually happening.”

I closed my eyes tight as I stood there, trying to block out my reality.

Except it was. This was actually happening, and I had no other option than to face it.

i have a crush on this girl i work with and i have been trying to talk to her and say hi to her. my nerves are very high around her though i think i hide it decently. she smiles and says hi to me too and remembers my name, she never seemed annoyed or bothered by it. i've been trying to keep it more lowkey so i don't come off as clingy or bothering her too much.

it's hard catching her at good time when we can have an actual conversation. i tried to approach her and chat with her today, but i ended up catching her at a bad time and she didn't hear me at first, and then it was awkward and she seemed annoyed. i had this whole image in my head of how the interaction would go but it went nothing like i planned. i have been beating myself up about it all day.

it may have been the faulty interaction, but i feel discouraged from pursuing her. it's so hard trying to talk to her when my nerves are really high and its hard to balance trying to show interest and build a rapport, but not seeming too forced or clingy. i never could understand how these things worked and i was never successful or good at it. i don't know how to go for her number or ask her out especially because we work together and i never get the chance anyway. i'm scared of looking creepy. i'm scared of messing it up. and i feel so silly thinking she would actually like me back since she's way out of my league and probably gets approached all the time. i guess i'm just looking for advice on how to handle this situation

I’ve never written one of these posts, so it’s a first for me. I (15f) liked this guy, we’ll call him A. He was sweet, and kind, and I thought we could be good friends, hopefully more. Then he starts treating me differently, and blocked me, bc I “talked too much”.

That broke me. I cant really show it, bc I sit at a group table w him and others, and my only other friend is there, so I have nowhere else to go. Obviously, I’m trying to get over him, despite never being together, and just be casual friends. Then I met this guy, B, in my theater class, so I see him a lot during class, and after when we have to do events. We talked through snap, before moving to text. We just talked about art, and movies and books and just friend stuff, getting to know him. It was never like that, especially since I’m friends with his ex, O. She and him talk in class, bc we all work so closely together it would be so awkward if they hated each other. I brought it up when him and I started talking, and he told me that it wasn’t a long relationship, and that they were just friends now, not serious. However, We started talking everyday, and I started forgetting about A. But, I started overthinking, and freaked. I broke my phone a couple weeks ago, so I had an excuse not to text him. But now, I want to, just to talk about anything. Should I text him, just as friends, because I’m scared it could turn into more for him, but not for me. I’ve never been in a relationship, serious or otherwise.

Do I actually care for this guy, or is this just a way to divert my attention? Because I don’t want have us become more than friends, and then get scared, and just ghost and ignore him, because he deserves better than that. Sorry if I didn’t explain certain things well, please help me