I don't feel anything. My mind can't think.I used to have two made up voices in my head and now I can't hear it. My mind is quiet.Its like I'm in. The background. My mind is active on its own. Doing stuff feels so tiring.I can't seem to put any effort in anything I do.

I used to be fast , very energetic , but now I don't know why , but I just don't feel anything , deadlines , pressure , success , nothing seems to make me feel alive.

It's like there are bolts inserted into my head and locking my brain

I can’t find anything on YouTube but maybe I’ve missed something?

When I was a child, I wanted to either be an entertainer or a professional athlete. I wanted to feel appreciated and loved. I wanted to have the status to hang out with celebrities. I don't know if that stems from some sort of trauma, but that was how I was as a kid.

Fast forward to my teenage years. Life took its toll on me. I got bullied. I dealt with high school drama. I went through self-esteem issues.

After I finished high school, I spent more years than I anticipated at community college, just finding what major I wanted to pursue as I tried to find myself socially. I met people and had a decent social life for some time, but my grades were horrendous. I struggled. I cared more about my social life because it felt like I finally had one after awful years in middle school and high school.

In community college, I failed classes and withdrew from many, but finished enough requirements to transfer. I applied to a university, but was worried I wouldn't get accepted. This was right around the time I realized my younger cousins were growing up and doing well for themselves. I started panicking about how poorly I was doing compared to them, so I told myself I'd do better.

Eventually, summer came and I went on a trip that changed my perspective and my life. I think this was around the time I started to embrace my cultural, ethnic, and racial identity more, although that somewhat started even earlier. It was a process.

I was a ball of anxiety that summer despite having some good moments. I was awaiting the results of my university application. The day came. I was officially accepted. I felt like life was starting to turn around. I took initiative to change things. I got a part-time job at a place I actually wanted to work at, bonded with my coworkers, and essentially had a good time working there. Things eventually changed partially due to my own fault, but I definitely enjoyed the first few months. I distanced myself from people I thought were detrimental for me.

Fast forward a bit. My grades were slipping at the university and I got kicked out of the school. That was how bad it got. I had to go through a whole process just to get back in, but it costed so much time and money. A whole lot of extra work.

The pandemic came and I was still going through that process of trying to make it back in. Remote learning was very beneficial for me. I had always dealt with social anxiety in my college courses, so it was difficult to sit in class and try to pay attention. I never felt comfortable in the typical classroom setting. Being in the comfort of my room and attending Zoom lectures was more my cup of tea. I worked hard enough and the results paid off. I made it back in. I was ecstatic.

As we gradually transitioned back into normalcy, I finally graduated! I got a university degree. This was what my mom and my other family members had wanted for me all along. It felt amazing to make them proud.

The joy wore off, however. The job market is awful. I don't even think my skills are sufficient enough to make me useful in the workforce.

I guess now I'm just a socially anxiety guy in my late 20s dreading my career. I'd rather be some famous YouTuber who gets to meet cool artists. Music. That's one thing I'm passionate about, but I'm afraid it's too late for me to embark on some things, at least to the point where I'd be successful enough.

I feel like I'm very uninteresting. I miss the feeling of being in my early 20s and feeling like I could afford to mess up. I miss feeling like I'd be able to achieve my wildest, biggest dreams. I also don't feel like I'm mature for my age. I know people in my age group who are already prepared to settle down, start a family, etc. Meanwhile I don't really care about that. I still have that childhood fantasy of being successful enough to meet famous people I look up to.

The thing is... I don't see myself as a superficial guy. I actually enjoy a simple life because I truly appreciate wholesome moments. I romanticize things like I'm in a "slice of life" anime. I appreciate spending time with my family. I enjoy running outside and observing the differences each season brings. I like going to the gym, although I'm not as consistent as I could be.

It's just that... I do wish my life was more extraordinary.

I don’t use social media anymore, except for YouTube and Reddit. I’m never going back to TikTok, but YouTube video essays on social topics, philosophy, anime, etc., not only feed my curiosity but also act as an escape for me. I’m still in school and stuck in my abusive parents' house until I graduate, so I figured I might as well immerse myself in this content to make life a bit more bearable. The problem is, this content often makes me more unproductive, emotionally tense, and leads me to doom-scroll, constantly looking for more to watch—almost like TikTok (at least I get valuable stuff out of YouTube essays and Reddit tho). What should I do? Not having any escape and just facing my parents' noise makes me just as unproductive because I get too depressed.

I was at a Halloween party at my best friend’s house. We were all having a good time, and there was a girl there who we’d met about a month ago. She wasn’t officially my friend’s girlfriend, but they clearly liked each other. My ex-girlfriend of three years was also there; we’d broken up about a month ago on good terms, were still close, and were trying to figure things out between us. Other friends were there too, and the night was going really well.

We were all drinking, and somehow, I ended up drinking the most with my friend’s girl. People kept giving us alcohol, laughing at our antics. Eventually, she started crying, feeling neglected by my friend, who wasn’t paying much attention to her. I ended up getting him to comfort her. To be clear, she and I had never had any intentions with each other—this was purely friendship.

Things spiraled as everyone kept giving us more to drink. I started losing track of what was happening. At this point, everything I know comes from videos and stories. Apparently, we were running around, being close in ways like tickling and chasing each other, right in front of everyone. No one stepped in to stop it, which I wish they had because it was getting weird. Looking back, I can’t understand why no one pulled us away from each other.

Eventually, everyone went to sleep. The girl, two friends, and I went to a store to get snacks. I only remembered this when I saw my camera roll the next day. After returning, the other two friends stayed upstairs talking, and I walked with her to the basement to sleep. I have no memory of coming home or going to the basement. We talked for a bit, lying far apart, mostly about how creepy the basement was. She got scared and grabbed my shirt, and I didn’t think much of it. Somehow, though, we ended up lying close, and we made out.

As soon as it happened, I felt disgusted. Even though I was wasted, I knew how wrong it was. I stopped her, but she kept trying to go further. I just wanted to hide in that basement forever. She asked me not to tell anyone, and I said maybe I wouldn’t, but I knew deep down I had to tell my best friend and my ex.

The next morning, after she left, I went to my friend’s room and told him everything. He said he was angrier at her but needed space to process it all. I kept apologizing, but I don’t think it mattered. My best friend and my ex were like family to me—the two closest people in my life.

It’s been three days. My friend told me he needs space. My ex, who I’d been trying to work things out with, said she could never see me the same way again. Word got out fast, and now everyone knows. My other friends are all disappointed, and they understand why she might make this mistake, knowing us for only a month. But I’d known them for years, and I betrayed their trust.

Now, the only person I have to talk to is the girl I messed everything up with. We both feel terrible about what happened and need someone to talk to, even though it only makes us feel worse. I ruined my friendship with my closest friend and my relationship with the girl I’d been with for three years. I feel disgusted with myself, like a part of me died that night. I know things will never be the same, and it breaks my heart. I want to pick myself up, but it feels like I don’t deserve it.

I wish I had been a better friend, a better person. But I wasn’t, and it’s too late for that now. I don’t know how to forgive myself or where to go from here. The only thing I’m glad about is that I made the right decision and told him the next morning.

If you have any advice, please be honest and critical. I don’t need pity; I need to know how to move on.

TL;DR: Got really drunk at a Halloween party with my best friend’s new girl, who was feeling neglected by him. We ended up making out in a blackout state. I told my best friend and my ex (who I’d recently broken up with but was still close to) the next morning. Now, my best friend needs space, my ex says she can’t see me the same, and everyone knows what happened. I feel guilty, lost, and unsure how to move forward. Looking for honest advice on how to pick myself back up.

I find the rush of waking up at 3 am much greater than the tiredness I feel, and it allows me to be up before my family. Since they are a big distraction for me, waking up at this hour gives me peace to do my homework. Is it sustainable?

Hello. I am an 11th grade student from Canada and want to pursue medicine as a career. I usually get in 2-3 hours minimum daily, and before tests day(which are usually on mondays), I will usually get in a good 13-15 hours of studying on saturday and sunday. Should I turn it down a bit, I definitely don't feel like I am gonna burn out, I love the grind so far, but I just needed some tips on keeping consistency? thanks for taking the time to read this, have a wonderful day.

This happened today, Nov 3rd, and I want to write about this experience while it is fresh in my mind. It has left a big impression on me, and without Dr. K’s content I feel this would have gone very differently for me. I’m extremely grateful to have stumbled across his Youtube channel. Long story incoming. I am doing my best to recall the conversations but I am sure to miss a lot.

It was a sunny, warm day outside in my city this afternoon. Thanks in part to the beautiful day I was in a good mood as I walked over to my gym to use the sauna and play around in the pool. I planned to test my endurance and stay in the sauna as long as possible; I had an old, expendable phone with me for timing and to provide me with some reading material to pass the time.

Around the end of my first half hour in the sauna, two older men entered and started talking in a foreign language. One of the men was heavyset with darker skin and dark hair, and the other was thinner, with thin gray/white hair. The gray haired one sat next to me, and the heavyset man sat across from us. I think the gray haired man was in his late 60s or early 70s. Their language sounded vaguely like Russian. I ignored their conversation and continued reading. It was a little difficult to tune out the conversation, but no big deal. Shortly afterwards I reached my limit and left the sauna to get a drink and cool off. The two men were still talking. 

After around ten minutes of rest, I was ready to go back in. On my way to the sauna I saw the heavyset man exit the room (and also this story). I reentered the sauna and started my timer again. At this point the gray haired man was the only person in the room, but I went and sat next to him anyway since that was where I was sitting previously. The gray-haired man started talking to me immediately. The first thing he said was something like “it must be annoying to hear a foreign language here.” I responded that it was no problem, and asked if they were speaking Russian. The gray haired man said that it was not, that the language was Slovakian (if I recall correctly), so I asked if there was a Slovakian community here. He responded that there was, and “there was a Slovokian mayor in the past, but it was probably before you were born.” I then asked him “how old do you think I am?” and he said “late 20s, early 30s?” I said “great guess, you are correct!” Up until now there was nothing out of the ordinary with this interaction, but that changed quickly.

The gray haired man told me “that other man I was just talking with was a Muslim.” Then he continued a bit more, and said “Muslims just want to kill everyone of other religions.” This took me off guard, so I did not respond. Next he started talking about the US election, and said that he thought Trump would take over the world. I tried to channel a little of Dr. K and asked him - “how do you feel about that? Is it a good thing if Trump takes over the world?” I don’t recall exactly how he responded but it was something like “anyone would want to take over the world if they could.” I would have tried to dig into this more and try to understand where he was coming from, but at this point the second older man entered the story. This man was also heavyset with brownish skin and dark hair, maybe late 50s, a different man than before. Let’s call him man #2 - I never did learn any of their names so it doesn’t feel appropriate to use even fake names. Gray haired man is Man #1 from now on.

Man #2 entered the sauna and sat across from us. Conversation between me and man #1 had stalled while he walked in. My shirt said something about history on it, so Man #2 started saying that he was studying history. Man #1 asked man #2 - “do you know the history of terrorism, why people become terrorists?” Man #2 said something that I thought was wise - “terrorists are those who live without control of their own lives. When they have no control, they feel their lives have no value, and so also other people’s lives have no value. Therefore they can kill and terrorize others because of this mind-set.” Man #2 asked us if we agree, and I said “that makes sense, seems very wise and insightful”. Man #1 said something like “Muslims just want to kill everyone else. Did you know Kamala Harris is a muslim?” 

Man #2 misunderstood, and thought Man #1 wanted to kill all muslims. Man #2 said “you want to kill all the muslims? What about Jews? What about Hindus?” Man #1 said “no, no, jews are good people”. Man #2 was very upset, and said, “So you want to kill all the muslims? Is that it?” At this point I tried to de-escalate and said “no, he was saying that he thinks Muslims want to kill everyone else. Not that he wants to kill all muslims.” Man #1 appreciated this correction. Man #1 said “yes, Muslims want to kill everyone else, and Kamala Harris is a Muslim. You can hear it in her name, it has camel in it. She is a marxist too.” 

Man #2 was upset, and started talking about Kamala Harris’s path to where she is today. I am not super familiar with Harris’s history, so I won’t comment on whether Man #2 was correct or not in his history. He asked man #1 - “who are you to say that Harris is a Marxist? What’s your degree or source?” Man #1 said “I have seen enough and know enough.” Man #2 said “do you know that Kamala is not a Muslim? She is a Christian, married to a Christian man” (in fact Harris’s husband is Jewish but I did not know this at the time). Man #1 said “maybe she was a Christian, but her actions show she is a Muslim now. Same for Joe Biden, he is a Muslim too.” At this point I couldn’t help but say “so I gather that anyone who you do not agree with is a Muslim?” I don’t remember how Man #1 responded. 

At this point, man #2 was very upset and angry, and started harshly criticizing man #1. Something like “there is a tremendous darkness in you, you are so misguided.” Man #1 responded in kind, saying “no you are misguided”. At this point I was thinking, this argument will get them nowhere. This will just cement both their positions. Man #2 would need to approach it from a position of trying to understand what makes man #1 believe what he believes about Muslims. Then maybe there will be room to soften his position a little. But obviously in the heat of the moment, neither of them could remain calm. I was able to remain calm myself because I was approaching the whole thing trying to separate myself from my negative emotions and channel the way Dr. K talks to the more difficult people he interviews.

I interrupted the escalating argument between the two men and said to man #1 - “I think that when you get home you should go online, and do an internet search on the following: ‘is Kamala Harris a Muslim’”. Man #1 did not continue arguing, but instead got up and left the sauna saying “have a good evening.” Soon after, man #2 left as well saying “take care”. Later on, I saw man #2 in the swimming pool. We gestured towards each other in greetings and solidarity of shared trauma, but did not approach each other. I have a hard time starting conversations, since I usually rely on the older person to initiate anything. But I do feel it would have been very helpful to man #2 if I had gone to him and asked him how he was feeling after the sauna experience. This hesitation to start conversations that I think are important is something I should work on.

Finally, when I was getting ready to leave the gym, I saw man #2 again. He waved to me and shouted “you saved my life”. I have a hard time understanding what he meant, but maybe he felt that losing control of himself and his emotions is something like dying. Me being there and being more of a neutral party helped him keep things in control.

So why was I able to stay calm? I can only thank Dr. K’s content for this. A few months ago this whole thing would have made me feel incredibly agitated, and I probably would have refused to engage with either of the two men as they argued, and it would have continued escalating. Or maybe I would have joined man #2 in insulting man #1. Instead, I was able to calm things down just by staying calm myself.

It may also relate to insecurities. I think both men have unconscious insecurities relating to their positions and beliefs. However, I do not have insecurity relating to my political position, so it helped me stay calm and view this from the outsider’s perspective.

That’s all, thanks for reading this. I have never wanted to write up an experience like this before, but maybe this time I felt proud of myself for staying calm and helping in a tense situation.

Last week I had an exam and I submitted an empty sheet of paper. I submitted it as soon as the exam started and left the hall. I didn't know anything in the exam (obviously). If this was a few years ago, I would have tried to at least make up some answers, or even tried to maybe cheat. I have been depressed for the last 4 years.

English is not my first language, so I cannot write the exact word I am thinking of. But it's the urge/desire to keep trying till last breath. When I left the exam hall, one guy in my class called me and told me I should have sat there for the whole 2 hours and tried to at least make up some answers. That's what everyone who hadn't studied did (it's a difficult class).

I have noticed this in all aspects of my life, not only academics.

I'm (24M) having some trouble with women because I'm always getting rejected, common and simple as that.

What makes no sense to me is that the automatic reaction that my brain has in this situation is exactly the opposite of what one would need to get out of it.

Every rejection makes me more insecure, but I need to be confident, and every long period without women in my life makes me craving intimacy, but this comes off as needy and is super unattractive.

So instead of being confident and going on dates without feeling pressure I just come off as insecure and under pressure (because of the scarcity of dates I managed to get I always try not to waste the little chances that I get, but I always fail anyway). This makes no sense at all, is like my brain is working against me instead of helping, plus after some time the negativity sets in as well, and that is also very unattractive.

I'm not asking for a solution about my dating life, what I'm asking is why this counterproductive mental mechanism happens, and if it's normal or there's just something wrong in my head

But where did this idea come from that all single and lonely guys have never taken a shower and never, in their entire lives, treated women like humans?

The only reasons, I can think I of for the "never taking a shower" are:

1. The dude is extremely depressed.
2. The dude is too poor to be able to take regular showers.
3. All the jokes about gamers not showering (I'm a Destiny player and a From Soft fan, I know the jokes), but they are just that, jokes.
4. The very small minority of guys who actively choose not to (yes, I do say minority).

As for the "never treating women like they are human beings"....well, I'm stumped on this. So y'all just assume that guys who are single and alone don't have mothers? Aunts? Grandmother's? Cousins? Sisters? Friends? Like, there isna difference between interacting with someone who is just a friend, and someone you are attracted to

In generel my perspective is that I feel like the entire world is cutthroat, where each person only cares for themselves, I feel like that is the experience I have of life, feel like people use each other then to be discarded. maybe my past could explain why I have it like this so here comes. I really want to change but how, anyway I will provide some context to my past or some of it.

I don't like to have people near me, so in stores I use my body to keep people away, even kick their backets away from me and I plan my routes through a store to be as people free as possible, example I may wait someplace close to the checkout (where you pay) until it is free.

I don't like people to touch me EVER, when that does happen from just everyday life, I frezze, my whole body just frezzes up and then comes the fight response.

in early school time (first 9 grades from year 7-16) I was now and then bullied either with words or violance, in my adult life I have been twice been assulted in a elevator so I don't take the appartment building elevator any more, or a few times when I have the courage to do so, but only with an item in my hand.

if the neighbor is yelling or seems angry, my whole body begin to shake, I can feel the adrenaline, I want to just creep down somewhere and shut the entire world off, till its over and then come back up.

when I walk alone on the street I feel actually really good, so good that I may dance, sing to music etc but when there is people I feel scared, nervous, that they are going to hurt me, yell at me, should tap me or something silimar, that I have to have my key in my hand to feel any sense of safety.

Women is the the scareist of all people, I have listened a long time to some women telling men to keep away, that we (read I as a man) is evil. That I as am man should not talk to women, appraoch women , look at women, etc so I accept it and just look away and keep away. In romantic settings I feel like that no women would ever like someone as me.

I can talk to people, and be in the same room with people, but do I like to talk to people... absolutely not, I hate it and want to be left alone, do my studies / work and go home.
One side of the coin is I dispise and hate people and the other side is I want to engage with people I love people. I want to be there for people, help them, solve their problems, be their friend, their lover because if I don't provide people value then I am totally a waste of space on the earth, then I am worthless, as people have their own issues and problem they tries to tackle.

I feel like other people have value but I don't unless I produce something, I solve a need.

I have had it like this for many years is properly I was 16 years old, and I am 31 today.

I don't have the social skills I think is needed to engage in society with its people. I feel like an observer outside the social game, cut off from others, I can see how others engage but feel very deeply that no matter what I do that I will never be good enough or measure up to others to engage as a equal, people that I would engage with will think I am a child and stunted someone to take pity on which I don't want, and this is only enforced by my mistrust to others to, this also effects my romantic side of life.

So the question is kinda.

Am I alone in this?
is this normal to feel like this?
what can I do against it, as I want a social life but feel like it is fate that I am so isolated?
I do want to change but how?

A few weeks ago a guy I have been on a few dates with came over to my house and it started off chill. I'm bi and have never kissed a guy before (we're both 19) but have kissed girls. Eventually we started making out and he repeatedly asked whether he could suck on my boobs. I told him no until he kept asking and I eventually said fine because I didn't want to upset him. I brought it up with him about how I felt used for my body and how I felt as if he didn't respect when I said no but he seems very apologetic. I really like him and but don't know what to do in this situation. Do you think this behavior could continue if we were to take things seriously? Or would it still be possible to continue seeing him because he's sorry?

Also I feel like I'm overreacting because it wasn't even that bad, I just felt a bit violated because I'd never even kissed a guy (which he knew) and he went straight into trying to be sexual. Is this an overreaction?

TW: suicidal thoughts (not much, but i want to put in a trigger warning)

Hello guys,

At first, please excuse me if my english is bad, its not my first language.

So i think i need some help here. I make this post to talk my situation of my chest. Maybe its gonna be half a book, maybe i keep it short. Feel free to comment something :)

So the last days especially today, i am feeling horrible. For context: i got ADHD/ADD and am suffering from Depression for about 6 Years (it started somewhere between 14yo and 16yo). I am in therapy and get medication (15mg Escitalopram, 2,5mg Aripiprazol(i am not shizoprenic but very sensitive to external stimuli, so i get a mini portion)). So where do i start, ah yes, the last days especially today i am feeling horrible. I dont know why, i've actually been doing well lately. Depression wasnt hitting, everything was good. But now? I am just feeling nothing and yet a lot of pain in my chest. Many different "voices"(maybe more like feelings, i am thinking a lot in feelings) in my head who are judging me for what i am and what i do and not. But this time its not just the voices, its something else. And i cant fcking tell what it is!!? I just feel the constant need to numb myself to not feel this deep hole in me. I search for a place where i can hide, i am feeling lonely as hell, even though i am not lonely. I have a good social environment, people that love me, people that i love. The feeling of loneliness isnt new to me though. Since my childhood, i often had moments when i felt lonely for no reason. But it fucks me up every time i am feeling it again. Today i actually thought about killing my self again. Not very strongly, but it was definetly more than i am used to nowadays. I dont think i would kill myself though since i have a lot of reasons to not do it. So no worries in this point. But still, the intensity of todays thoughts, shows me, that something is really wrong right now. Do i feel the way i am feeling because of anxiety? Fear? Like fear of everything? I am often worried about my future and i feels like everytime i put these thoughts away, they are still roaring constantly in the back of my head. Will this pain ever stop? Not just for a few days, will i ever find a way to deal with it? I dont want to fell this anymore, i am so tired of it. It just fucks up my whole life, i cant communicate, be happy, work or do anything like i used to do, when my mind is fine. Idk guys i think i am just seeking empathy here.

maybe its important to know, that i have issues with bonding to people. Not that i cant do it, its more like i am doing it too much/strong. I am normally very good in making contact with people when i am fine. But i am seeking something where i can let myself fall and where i get complete safety, since i know there is no person who can give me that in the long run and to have a relation with someone on that base is very toxic, i try not to bond too much. Where can i get that safety i am seeking from? Why is this feeling so constant in my head?

ah people i am so fricking tired of all that shit

thank you for reading, i think it helped, talking this of my soul.

Throwaway bc of personal reasons. CW: sexual abuse, heavy drinking

**TL;DR:** I had an encounter with a girl at a party, but she later claimed her consent was invalid because she was drunk, which led me to therapy. After another incident where I inappropriately touched a woman while drunk (which I don’t remember), I feel overwhelmed and question if I have a drinking problem. I'm struggling to find help for people like me and considering going back to therapy.

A few years back I [M] was in a party with some friends from uni and there was this girl that i liked. I found out she liked me back in that same party, we went to a more private place, talked and kissed, we even got to third base but then stopped because she said she didnt want to go further. Afterwards we came back to the rest of the party and kept drinking and having fun. I was very excited to be with this girl (and also drunk) so I wanted to go back to the private place but she said she didn't want to. I kept asking and she eventually said yes. When we were alone again I asked if she was OK to go all the way and she said yes. So we did, until she asked me to stop (so we stopped). After that it was very late so we went back were everyone was and fell asleep in the couch. The following morning she was very affectionate with me and we all had a fun time talking about the previous night.

We dated for about a month or so when she suddenly said she wanted to break up, so we did. Since we had friends in common we saw each other at parties and I was still infatuated with her (at the time I thought I was in love). We had a conversation where she said she wasnt ready for something, specially bc i liked her way more than she liked me. A few weeks later she called me out of the blue and she had this very serious tone. She said she regretted the first night with me and said that her consent was not valid because she was drunk, so it was r-word and i should've known, that she was very disillutioned and disappointed. I told her (through tears and a pseudo panic-attack bc my self image came crashing down) if she felt that way she would probably benefit from professional help, that i would start therapy and that anything she wanted she could tell me but i understood if she didnt want to do anything with me.

So, i started therapy. It was mainly crisis control and learning to move on (apart from the situation itself the fallout involved losing many friends and being cancelled in that group). When i finally felt like myself again i stopped going to therapy.

After a while, i had another episode; while dancing with a female friend at a party, i grabbed her butt. Since that happened when I was very drunk I didn't remember, so i only learned this when she told me herself in the university campus the following week.

After that I went back to therapy, this time to fix the root of the issue.

Something that in a really twisted way "helped" me was that i was abused in this period by a man (he performed oral sex in me and kissed me while i was near-blackout drunk in his apartment, with booze he bought). It felt kind of like a karmic justice maybe (?).

Anyways, I talked about all of this with my therapist and we worked though a lot together. A few years later I finally felt like my best self, with all of that behind me. I finally felt in control of my self and my life. I felt happy.

That was until recently, when i was invited to a friend's brother's wedding party with some other people. One of the guests invited a girl (maybe they were starting to date), and I felt a really good chemistry with her. I drunkenly flirted with her and I got relatively good responses but my friends said to step back bc they didn't want trouble with this girl's partner and that what I was doing was wrong (i agree now, but when i'm drunk i become more selfish).

After that we got in the transfer and i got in first, this girl second and her partner third, so we were in a row with her in the middle. I remember very little of the transfer because I fell asleep and woke up many times, but afterwards i arrived home safe.

The following day this girl's parter texts me that she told him that i touched her in the transfer, that she said no and i pretended to be asleep as i touched her, that being drunk is no excuse. I do not recall this and it feels like im on ground zero again I felt I was about to have a panic attack when I read his text. It is perfectly possible considering i was drunk and my history, but when i tried texting him to tell him im sorry and to please clarify the situation he had already blocked me.

I talked to my best friend about this (he also went to the wedding party) and he said that i probably caressed her leg in a drunken attempt to flirt but he didnt know anything so it is just a theory. He said he would talk with this dude to have more information bc his messages werent specific but if she told him of course something happened.

Anyways, right now I feel like I have no redemption. It feels like no matter what I do I end up in the same spot. Am I an alcoholic and should I just quit drinking (i only do it socially)? Why is it I have enough self awareness to feel bad about this but not enough to stop? Should I just go back to therapy? It is incredibly difficult finding resources for perpetrators of this type of thing. All of the online discourse of this theme is 100% focused on contention for the victims (which I think is good), but the perpetrators are always portrayed as evil irredeemable cartoons, so no resources are available (apart from incel forums and similar famously toxic groups). This post is one of my last attempts (if not my last) to finding help online.

EDIT: CW at the beggining

I have a friend who is always chasing their past self. They complain about not being as healthy or efficient as their high school and college years. Problem is they are 28 now. I don't want to be negative and tell them it will never happen. However, I feel like they use it as an excuse and it keeps them from living in the present. For example, they might something like they will do X when they reach the efficiency of their past self. But that was years ago and may never happen.

What do you tell someone who is obsessed with their past self? How do you tell them to live in the present in a non-judemental way?

I’m a 26-year-old man who feels childish socially and emotionally.

I’m often withdrawn, but even when I’m not, my conversations with others feel like teenagers’. I make dark jokes, use sarcasm, or just say whatever comes to mind. There’s no seriousness in my talk, no negativity, hate, or critique, except when I’m jokingly critiquing. I can’t talk about serious topics; it’s always a positive vibe, like YouTube videos.

I’m not someone you can trust. I look like an 18-year-old, but my personality is even worse. I’m like a child, and I don’t know how to grow up.

I’ve never been in a relationship or had sex, and I’m not mad about it, but I’m worried I may never. I have the emotional maturity of a 12-year-old.

I had a great high-paying job and now I’m going for further education, but I still feel like a child. I don’t feel proud of myself or stand up for myself. I can only see the positive side of people, but I recognize their negative actions. For example, I know a coworker can use information against me, so I set boundaries and be mindful of them, that I know, but I never talk about it with anyone, even my family or friends. I can’t say negative things about people. I see life in a simpler sense like a baby would. How would I handle this if I have kids and teach them life lessons if I can’t even digest it myself?

When I look at myself, I see that I can be entertaining at the coffee table, but that’s all. I can’t imagine a relationship with a girl because I don’t think I can commit or be responsible like an adult. I feel too naive for that, and as I age, I feel even more so because others have more experience. I don’t even try to date because I can’t handle it.

At this point, I feel depressed. I can provide emotional validation to others and talk about how they feel, but I stop doing it or don’t want to do it anymore because consciously or unconsciously I want to stay withdrawn and isolated, but cannot handle being lonely and having low-self esteem.

What should I do? I’ll go to therapy, but I want advice on how to behave maturely since therapist will also tell me how naive I am.

Hi everyone.

I am a 32 year old male, never had a girlfriend. I think when I was in high school I had severe social anxiety (I don't really know it because I've never been to therapy so I was never diagnosed or anything), I could not talk when in places with a lot of people, and just the thought of talking to a girl made me terribly anxious (I would literally freeze when a girl talked to me). Over the years I grew more confident in social situations (I guess mostly through self development), I can now talk to girls (since my college major had female majority, most of my college friends are girls), but I still can't hit on a girl, and I am still terrified of dating.

On top of that the very few times I did try to ask someone on a date I was rejected (In the not so pleasant way of ghosting me or flatout ignoring me), which makes me insanely frustrated. I was on dating apps for a while, and barely got any matches, and the few matches I did get, I didn't message the girl because the thought of maybe going on a date was terrifying to me. My last attempt at dating was not long ago when I saw a random girl on Instagram that was just my type and for several reasons I felt more confortable messaging her, so I asked her some questions on her story (that were also related to her story) and she didn't read them (not sure she even read the message).

It's not like my life is terrible or anything, I can be fairly independent, I got plenty of hobbies that fulfil me and bring me joy, but I do want someone so bad and I don't know what to do about it.

Could therapy help me? Is there anything else you would recommend?

I've noticed one thing I do when I like someone and want to connect with them is sometimes poke fun at them. There is 0% bad intent with this and I don't want to embarrass them or make them feel bad at all. It's usually little like idiosyncrasies I notice and like about them enough to point out, but I can see now how it might come across differently. I didn't even notice I did this until recently and now that I see it, I feel like I do it constantly.

I'm guessing it was normal in my circles growing up but is it normal everywhere or am I accidentally being mean to people I like? :( Do you guys do this with your friends and acquaintances? I feel really bad if it's taken the wrong way. If it is bad, how do I go about changing it since it's so embedded in my way of relating to people since childhood?

I'm a 26yo psychology student, my interest in this topic brings me the most joy in life. I was diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood and have BPD due to my alcoholic mother, who was verbally and sometimes physically abusive towards me. There is also a possibility that I have autism, but I didn't finish my assessment because after two meetings, the clinician said that in the end, she might not know if it’s ASD or trauma. I've had a few psychodynamic therapies (which didn't help at all, and I didn't even get a diagnosis), very helpful CBT with elements of SFT (for six months, as I couldn't afford to continue), and helpful group therapy that lasted nine months. Now I'm in integrative therapy since May, and I will probably be able to finish it since it's free. I'm a transgender boy, although at this point, I no longer have gender dysphoria. I take atomoxetine for ADHD and pregabalin for social anxiety.

Talking is very difficult for me for several reasons. I often don't know what to say; my creativity feels nonexistent. When I want to share something interesting I've learned, I prefer to send a page of the book rather than trying to explain it myself because my memory is terrible. Also, since I don't enjoy small talk, interesting facts aside, there are few things left for me to say. I feel handicapped when it comes to conversation.

Yesterday, I was at a friend's party. It lasted all night, and I only spoke a few words. Sometimes, it's satisfying when I’m with two close friends who talk to each other while I listen, but not at a party where I want to meet new people because I feel lonely. In such situations, the fast pace of conversation makes it difficult for me to jump in. It’s chaotic; some people start speaking before the previous person has finished, but that’s not the focus of this post. I struggle with coming up with things to say even with my friends, whom I undoubtedly trust and have known for 11 years—one of whom I was in a relationship with for 4 years. For the past few years, this issue has worsened due to a pattern I've developed, especially noticeable when the other person is talkative, but not only then. I tend to give up and stop speaking. However, I don't get the psychological benefits from these interactions that I could. I don't feel inspired, energized, or in a good mood afterward. Someone might say that it's hard for me to meet people like myself, but clearly the problem lies within me, since it’s not much better with my friends.

What should I do? I'm afraid I will die alone. I used to have a great time on my own, but in recent years, I've lost that ability. The loneliness and emptiness are crushing.

i have type 1 autism and ADHD, and im struggling with tasks.

the problem is not that im not doing the tasks. i do, but the problem is that i constantly think about what im NOT doing.

im here on a shopping center, getting lunch and stocking food for the week. But every time my mind droves off, my brain is like "hey, you have to do this assignment from your college, and you havent even started!"

its not due to anytime soon, but its annoying to remember this every fucking time. i want to do it, but according to the current pattern, i will get home and be so emotionally exhausted that i will rest, not do what i have to do.

i'm not sure if im a perfectionist, trying to do things the best way possible even if the assignment is already past due date, not sure if im overwhelmed with many assigments (many people on toronto think its too much in a short period of time), or just an immature anxiety.

im living alone for the first time in my life, having to cook my own food and cleaning my own stuff. i've never had any of those overwhealimng problems when i lived with my parents.

I was diagnosed with anxiety when I was 14 and haven't gone back to therapy ever since so I have no idea how that's holding on.

Lately, I've gotten myself to do tasks that I had once found uncomfortable and I have proven myself many times that I could do it. Like passing a really important exam or getting good grades when I actually wanted to or confronting my classmates that I cannot handle such a big responsibility in our group assignment and that the work needed to be split evenly. I procrastinate a lot as well even when I sit down to do my most favorite things (such as drawings, editing videos, writings) I'm starting to doubt that anxiety is the only problem going on here.

Every time I set myself to do something, there's this overwhelming fear of time running out like a voice in my head "you're running out of time. You won't complete it in time." and that just paralyzes me completely. I cannot do a single thing at that point aside from binging YouTube videos or scroll YT shorts til I feel sh**y

Seriously don't know what's going on here. I tried doing one task at a time, setting it to be the simplest it can be and I still feel overwhelmed by it on some day.

I was taking the subway train home and saw one of the hottest girls I've seen in my entire life.

I'm not fucking kidding. I've seen countless attractive girls, online and in real, but this girl I saw absolutely left me in awe.

I heard her conversation with her friend she was with and she goes to a college nearby.

It's been a few months and I can't stop thinking about her snd I even wanna try to find her again and try to talk to her. I just want advice on how to handle this and not think about her so much.

In light of HGGs latest video, as someone who was just recently diagnosed with ADHD, this is the first thought that came to my mind.

I know that ADHD can be very diverse and besides the typical laziness and massive procrastination problem I had, my biggest issue has always been that I get bored extremely fast and that I really really hate monotonous stuff. I literally always need to occupied with something I like. Before I even realized that I could maybe have ADHD, a literal godsend for me has been the YouTube Premium audio-only feature and a couple of podcast I actually enjoyed listening to. It made so many things bearable for me like folding laundry, cleaning my room or walking somewhere. I'm not really into scrolling stuff, i use neither TikTok nor YouTube Shorts, but i have always had way more screen time than the average person, be it YouTube, video games, anime or Netflix. And now I'm wondering whether by doing so instead of managing/dealing with ADHD I have actually been creating the problem. (not that I claim that this isn't a problem even with ADHD, but i hope I got the point across of what I mean)

As much as I have heard that doubting your ADHD is extremely common, I can't help but see the obvious similarities in the problems people face when in either situation. In my very limited understanding of neurology that does make perfect sense to me since in both cases the brain does not "respond" to dopamine as well as should. Only in one case people have a physiological reason behind it, whereas in the other case people have "built up a resistance" to it.

I am really not trying to say that someone woth ADHD is somehow "better" than someone with a screen addiction, or something similar. And therefore it shouldn't really matter to me on which side of the fence I fall if the only thing i care about is results and managing myself, but genuinely without trying to insult anyone, it kind of really does. Just so I can understand what kind of person I am and so i can honestly "explain" my actions to the people close to me. Btw, I do not at all believe that ADHD is some sort of responsibility remover and I'm not a fan of the whole labeling thing, but the best way i can describe it as, is a craving for understanding.

I mean, I know how the stuff i wrote in the first paragraph looks at first glance. Most normal people I know would just tell me to finally grow up. I would be especially embarrassed to that stuff in poorer countries where people are actually struggling. I also know how incredibly relatable ADHD symptoms are to most people and how much of it seems normal. Dr K even said it in the video himself " "oh everyone has ADHD now" ". (double quotes since i think he is quoting the general census of the internet)

Again, i know a lot of people with ADHD doubt themselves. It was actually Dr. K's stream on that exact dynamic that got to finally get myself tested. But honestly people who don't have ADHD would also doubt themselves. I don't know about the US, but in my country the typical ADHD personality is literally the definition of a bad member of society. I would just like to know whether I truly am one so that i can at least own up to it or whether i really have a physiological condition (not that having ADHD would not make me one btw). Add to that, that for me while all the issues i had have been going on for more than a decade (50% of my life), I personally struggled to find problems similar to ADHD in early childhood, be that because of high iQ, parents that kept entertaining me, or a misdiagnosis. Although it was apearrently enough for the questionaire.

Basically the title, how do you deal with not knowing whether you have a personal flaw or a neurological condition? Although my real question is how to approach the fact that ADHD seems so normal.

19M

I'm still a virgin, despite trying my best to improve myself over the last year and a half. I've lost 75lbs and started gaining muscle, I've been fighting my acne to the best of my ability and resources, I've been working on my hairstyle, my wardrobe, been expanding my hobbies, socializing, and overall trying to be a better, more "normal" person.

That said, I'd be lying if I said I looked good. In fact I think I look horrendous. My acne, while better than it used to be, still covers a large part of my face in red marks. My body, though I lost most of the fat I had, still looks nowhere close to what a man is supposed to look like. I'm 6' tall and weigh 180, with below average muscle mass and fat thighs and ass. I was born with narrower shoulders/clavicles than average for my height, and so far I haven't been able to grow my shoulders out to where my frame fits my height. I think that's one of my biggest flaws, right after the minefield of acne on my face.

I think you've already been able to gather this, but I'll say it anyway. I struggle with my self-confidence and body image to the point that I've never had the courage to approach. I've been depressed pretty much all of my teenage years for different reasons over time, and for the past year or so it's been the realization that I'm an absolute loser. I didn't even have my first kiss until a few months before my 19th birthday.

Any thoughts would be appreciated. I need to get out of this before it fully consumes me

(22 yo woman)

I seem to always have been aware of myself maybe because I live in my head a lot but it got me to better myself a lot, for example I have a rule since I was a kid I think "you should treat people nicely to be good and you are a person too, don't say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to another person", or considering a person's mindset before taking anything personally.

I don't remember much before that but I was the class clown in middle school and it felt nice in the beginning but I would regret talking everyday of the second half of middle school and trained myself to control the impulse to say random stupid remarks out loud, I was liked by everyone but also was considered weird by classmates and some teachers, I was also apparently "an angry child" at home, all I remember is realizing injustices like misogyny or climate change and was reactionary about life in general.

At 15 I was in a depressive state, I saw myself in third person observing (went to the psychiatrist with a list of disorders because I couldn't rationalize alone for the first time) but people would say that I'm the nicest person they know, I didn't feel anger and put mechanism in place to not be wronged like reformulating my critiques if I have to express any to my brother who would get triggered and starts fights, be more on the listing side than the talking side, be eloquent about my views and having meaningful conversations with my parents...

I started to feel immense feeling of peacefulness like floating which made me think about how we usually describe death which kinda frighted me, it happed a lot with my mom like moments when I would look at her and feel a huge love overflowing.

My grades in high school got worse year after year, I never did homework and always had it easy with school so I didn't build a foundation but at 17 I barely passed my exam to go to uni and did it without studying only bcz it caused distress to my family but I didn't know what to do and saw no interest in passing the exam without a plan, I considered doing medicine in the army because I felt the need for discipline and structure and knew that I couldn't do it without that type of environment, but my parents values could not allow that, mine neither but I thought docs where allowed to treat the enemies too and it would just be for a limited time.

After that I got to a point where I felt truly in peace, not like floating but present and seeing the reality without filters, I felt happy with what type of person I was internally, was helpful to other and kinda shared wisdom (an example is when an older friend was mad and asked advice on a situation but then got back to me saying that he followed a 30 yo advise which only escalated things and wished he followed mine) adults would have deep discussion with me since I was in middle school maybe even before but this was a time where everything was clear to me.

I wondered for 4 years at uni, failed medicine and changed bachelor's mid year then changed again and another time. I always thought I was lazy bcz I never tried but I started to try to study and I know myself so I knew something physiological was not normal.

Since It's been a journey of being responsible for the last 2 years, building habits, figuring out I had ADHD applied everything I read and saw Dr K explain for a year then having my ADHD diagnosed bcz I figured meds are a must in my case, doc just confirmed everything, (and I got an IQ test as a part of that and I was apparently a gifted child which explains a lot about why I feel so intensely), got back on track with my heath appointments etc, my room is clean most of the time, I'm trying to start a new bachelor in psychology but I messed up my chances by building a bad cv all these years, tying to learn how to not cry out of empathy so often, figuring out fear of conflict and why I tremble every time I express an issue or say something negative... a lot of stuff.

So basically I'm facing a big mountain of accumulated issues and I think it's because I got to a egoless life? Like I had no responsibilities and was not bothered by life in general, lived happily without worry and now that I'm a bit stressed people first interpret that as me beating my self up and they tell me to not be hard on my self but I feel like I was a lenient parent to myself for a while and now I feel the need to be authoritative with myself, in my vision "chilling" or just being unbothered was peaceful but also very irresponsable and I need to deal with everything and climb this mountain first, I don't hate myself for what I am or I was it just a process.

Bur Dr K should I even go back to the state of "no ego" detached self or am I just idolizing it as if it was the good times and the right state of mind, should I build a heathy ego instead? how?

For now I have a pile of stuff to do and figure out...

(I have really poor memory and barely remember my childhood and generally have trouble putting myself in the shoes of say 18 yo me and really know what I was thinking since I don't remember most of my experiences so this is what I can gather, I don't how to get back all of the missing parts, also English is my third language I might have missed errors)

I've been friends with them for ~1 year. There were always issues. At first it was their fear of closeness and my unrealistic expectations of wanting to hang out every day. Then it was the difference in love language, me seeking quality time and them valuing affection. Then two failed attempts at a romantic relationship, both of which ended due to my anxiety and progressively worsening mental state as I kept doubting my feelings ("real" love vs infatuation).

Overall though, they have a good heart and always tried their best. There was a level of trust and understanding between us that I hadn't had with anyone before. Even when we ended up hurting each other, we'd go back, apologize, and discuss it to understand each other. Yet my anxiety persisted, and as I was torn between staying and trying to improve things or leaving, I started having panic attacks and was in a very bad state for a month and a half before I returned to a functional state.

The stress was too much for me and eventually, we decided to part ways. The month after that I dedicated to self improvement, and things were getting better for me. Then, I received a message with apologies from them, and long story short we started talking again. I felt that I had learned a lot from the past, and they seemed to have changed a lot, too. They really tried to listen to me, to adjust, were supportive the entire time, but from the first day of our reconciliation I got somatic symptoms in the form of tightness in the chest.

They things persisted despite my best efforts to be mindful, to try and work with them through meditation, CBT, and even self-administered EMDR. Two months in, as my mental state continued to deteriorate from what seemed like a trauma caused by my guilt from failed relationship attempts, I turned for therapy. I attended it for a month, and felt better, but my T said that it wasn't trauma since I wasn't having flashbacks. And yet, my body kept reacting to my friend as a danger. I even began to dissociate when thinking about him (as in, a feeling of sleepiness and difficulty focusing that came out of nowhere). My mind would often jump between feeling grateful for having them and feeling stressed out or even annoyed by things that weren't supposed to annoy me.

All in all, despite us both having best intentions and trying hard to be better, the way my body reacted to him caused me to become a lot more sensitive to small things, which ultimately created more stress until recently we had another disagreement and agreed that it was best for us to part ways again. In this year that we've been friends, I learned a lot about myself and mental health in general. Despite how stressful our friendship was, there were many good moments, and the connection we had was very unique and deep. And the way things unfolded... while I acknowledge that he is also responsible to a degree, I'm left feeling like it's my fault that we failed.

It makes me feel that I'm broken in some way, that I'm not very emotional, couldn't properly appreciate the love I was offered, kept overthinking and getting anxious over it, decided to confess in the first palce instead of waiting it out, had all those high expectations, kept things inside when I was mad instead of talking about it right away. And despite me trying to improve for years and making progress, I'm still stuck feeling lonely and occasionally depressed, like something inside is lacking.

It feels that had I not gotten anxious way back, had those symptoms (tightness in the chest, dissociation, hypervigilance) not happened that I didn't manage to fix even with therapy, that the friendship would've worked out, and I wouldn't have lost someone I care about deeply, and who I know cared about me as well. I try to be compassionate towards myself, try to sit with these emotions, let myself feel them, acknowledge the good that was, and tell myself that I'll get better and overcome it. But these emotions keep coming up and make me cry every time. I feel like a lot of it is my fault because I'm, in a sense, not normal. Because I, possibly, grew up in an environment that made me like this. Or because I have a personality disorder or something that I'm failing to address.

(sorry for the wall of text, I wanted to avoid turning for reassurance, but it felt like I had to get it out... I struggle to cope because my wanna-be productive mind wants to avoid emotional coping, like gaming and all, like plague)

It made me wonder how a deaf-blind woman managed to connect with people and form great, lasting relationships, and I'm sitting here clueless and lost, unable to connect with anyone; nothing is apparently wrong with me, though I really do believe something has to be off, I just can't pinpoint it.

I do respect and admire her for overcoming her challenges, but her story makes me confused as to why I struggle so much to connect, she was able to, why can't I?

I know, I know, comparison is bad.

edit: grammar

I have a pc build of amd ryzen 5 7600 (32gb) with a graphic card of 7900gre with a 27inch 2k gaming monitor, I play games like ets2 , far Cry 6 , Forza horizon 5 and more. I set the game resolution at 2560x1440 with highest graphics , even after that in these games I see smudges and the visuals are not good , they are appearing like blurry , not sharp, for example in euro truck simulator 2 the game is running at its highest graphics quality of ultra with full scaling resolution applied in game settings but still the world environment is not looking good, in the screen the objects nearby are appearing good but the ai trucks and cars are appearing like boxes when they are far and when they reach near they become visually good , and the trees , cable wires on road and steel fenches are not appearing visually good they are appearing like unclear , no sharpness and shaky things... I experience these unclear , no sharp world environment objects in all games even though the game is rendered at 1440p , I need help in this