I have a problem with dating

If i get married as a young man, i will probably start out with little money and resources, so i will know my wife truly loves me for my personality, but not many women are willing to date such a man.

On the other hand, if i get married later in life, i will probably have enough wealth to do a lot of stuff, and more maturity and stuff, which open up my options a lot, but i can never know if my wife is gonna divorce me after six months or not.

So, either the woman chooses me, or i choose her, i can't have it both, generally speaking...is there a solution for this?

I should say this is a broad generalization

I have ADHD and I need advice to help deal with my mental health in a messy political climate. I'm from Romania and we currently have some of the messiest and most controversial issues brought to the table since TikTok and possible external interventions messed everything up. I've tried activism these days and I've been severely demoralized. I worked hard to build a daily schedule, long term goals and to improve my mental health. None of my old systems seems to work anymore, including ADHD pills. I cannot sleep more than a fee hours at a time and physical activity doesn't work. I can barely focus or think at work. I am not only afraid for my future, but for my inability to come back after a month of constant fear and doom. Other people seem to go on as normal and I almost have resentments for them. I might have an inability to compartmentalize politics that I might need to work on. I have 0 intentions to make a political speech with this post, all I want is some advice to get back at least some power over my head and my life. Thanks in advance!

Hello. I (20) have always played games ever since I was a little kid. I grew up with them, played them from elementary school all the way through college. My life was basically centered around them: I spent all my free time playing games and creating games, it was sort of a very intense liking that I had. Youtube was also a very important part of my life, I could spend entire weeks watching podcasts that I was interested in. But since a couple months, I have begun to realize that I liked them less and less. While I did enjoy the games, I realized that I was sort of addicted to the grinding and not playing them for the experience itself. And since a couple months ago, i have completely stopped playing games and wstching youtube, not because of a conscious choice (I could never - it was a pretty severe stimulation for my brain and I couldn't resist) but rather because I stopped enjoying them. And it completely changed my life. Firstly, because of more free time, i got a job and sctually felt productive for once. I also got more interest in social relationships and my social life is now exploding. And this experiences fulfill me more than any game or video could ever do. I go to sleep happy, and that's a lot - it didn't happen since elementary school. Secondly, it helped me structure my day and take care of responsibilites. Doing chores felt like a nightmare before because they meant stopping the stimulation, and now I can do them without any issue. I can now study, have a social life and sleep all at the same time. I don't know if I should call it addiction or not, since I genuinely enjoyed the time I spent playing games and watching stuff. But it definitely made my life kind of disastruous when it came to time organization, particulary in college when time is scarce. Does that mean that you should stop playing? Idk, if you like them i think that you shouldn't stop unless it causes a problem. But man, I finally feel free after a long time. It is cool.

I have observed that i just keep relapsing into bad mental health/ bad lifestyle habits/depression ect. like a rocket running out of fuel and falling back down before breaking through the atmosphere or smth like that i guess.
Anyways, i can't rly afford quality mental healthcare rn because broke so it's not rly an option for me rn.

So do y'all have any advice on how to prevent these ruts that keep happening? I dont have any actual support network either. thanks for reading :)

I (22M) started my first "real" office job in the springtime, and apart from some growing pains the first few months, the job has gone quite well. I feel like I may have found a career I could see myself in long-term, I've noticed significant improvements in the quality of my work, and I consistently receive positive feedback on my work and am well liked by both the leadership at my firm and the clients I work with.

The only issue has come with interacting with peers at my level. I've never exactly been an outgoing social butterfly, but I did manage to have a fairly strong circle of friends in university, in part because I got "adopted" by some other classmates who I continue to be close with. However, the job is in a new city away from my university, I am missing that in-person interaction. I understand that I can and should prioritize my social life outside of work through extracurricular activities, but due to the business of my job and priorities outside of work, the barrier to entry for those can be quite high. Therefore, work seems like a natural place to find those friendships.

However, I have yet to really become close with anyone at work beyond simple greetings. This wouldn't be as much of an issue in some workplaces, but this one seems to have many employees who are very close outside of work, as well as many in my age range. I think that I come off as unapproachable to a lot of my co-workers and it scares them off from getting to know me more. It's not that anyone is actively rude, more that I sometimes feel like an afterthought.

To be fair to my coworkers, I completely understand why they may be reluctant to become closer with me. I often like to focus on my work, and am typically at my desk with headphones on. However, I typically take my headphones off if I'm less busy and open to having a conversation, but this doesn't make much of a difference. I also tend to eat my lunch at my desk since the lunchroom at this ~1000 person office often gets crowded and rowdy, and I feel very uncomfortable eating my lunch in there alone. I also have Asperger's and social anxiety so I am terrified to talk to new people a lot of the time, and am quite awkward when first talking to me. (Also just in case this comes up - my hygiene is very good, shower daily, daily deodorant, teeth brushed 2x/day, so this is almost definitely not why people are not approaching me).

I am worried that this will affect me both personally, due to the lack of close relationships in my city, and professionally, as these people are likely my future network for the next 40 years. How can I be more approachable and increase my chance of building connections with these people (and hopefully these tips will be transferable out of work too).

Went to a psychiatrist and they said outright they don’t think I’m autistic

So I’ve been to my first appointment with my psychiatrist, mostly to touch base and address depression/anxiety. I brought up the fact that I’ve been recognized as autistic since I was a couple months old (I don’t remember the exact age, but there was certain parts of the test I was too young for—but I still had passed the tests I was put through) then I got my official diagnosis when I was 16. But after mentioning my autism moreso to provide context than it being the reason why I was there, I was more so focused on explaining my anxiety and that sort of stuff than trying to prove my autism—and he just said that he doesn’t think I’m autistic because I have more than one interest and didn’t mention any repetitive behaviors. I’m a woman and I’ve always had been astute of my environment to mask my more asocial behaviors for the sake of being understood and avoiding any more hassle. And for me it’s hard to explain myself so briefly on something so complicated. He also mentioned that the diagnosis would not apply to me now (even though I’m still 16), but it’s not like it’s something that just goes away. I don’t want to be super critical of the guy, he’s still under residency I believe and we did agree that it isn’t why I’m here—but I can’t help but feel a little crazy when I act too normal, when I had to mentally prepare myself for days for something like this. Is this normal? It feels wrong for someone to guess a what I have at least thought to have all my life.

I’m not a likeable person. I’m not mean. I’m a nice person. I just have no personality I’m mentally ill and hollow on the inside.

Spending time with anyone is exhausting to me. It feels like everyone is judging too much. Idk there’s always something. The things I say is twisted negatively. I can’t just talk without everything I say being dissected. I have adhd I talk a lot and sometimes without much forethought. I just want people to like me, like as a whole. Cause if they really knew me, or thought I was a good person, then they wouldn’t make negative assumptions to everything I say.

It's something that all humans seek, and it was about video gaming addiction and how it fulfills all 5 of these factors.

The ones I remember were:

• Mastery

• Community

I know it's a longshot, but I'll update this if I remember anything else

thank you

I really enjoyed the recent video on the effects of cannabis on certain neurological & mental health conditions. I've seen some papers that say that cannabis can help sufferers of PTSD heal faster. I've also seen some saying that it can help with ASD symptoms. I wonder if it would affect ASD differently due to it being based in the brain's neurological structure as opposed to the mind. I also wonder if used with a mental health professional in a therapeutic context, could it help people uncover and re-contextualize traumatic experiences.

I believe in showing our authentic selves, but the problem is, I can't quite define what truly makes me who I am. This is an issue because I want to build deeper, more meaningful relationships, yet I often feel uncomfortable in social interactions. I tend to hold back, limiting myself based on how I've been conditioned to behave. Sometimes, I feel like saying something, but then a part of my mind stops me, thinking, 'That's not how you've acted in the past, don't say it!'

A curious and somewhat strange thing about me is that I often let fictional characters I admire shape my personality, like Peter Parker from Marvel’s Spider-Man or Josuke from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. I thought this was fine when I was a teenager, but now that I’m in my 20s, it still happens. (Am I too old for this?) This leads to confusion about how to act in certain situations because I don't always know how these characters would behave. So, I end up avoiding those situations or responding with simple, 'safe' answers.

Another odd thing: the one being I act with complete authenticity around is a cat that lives in my neighborhood. Don’t ask why, but I greet that cat like it’s my best friend.

Hey yall,

I remembered there's a really eye-opening idea from Dr. K in a vid but only remember a fragment of the idea. Something along the line of "Instead of thinking of doing the task, think of working yourself up and prepare yourself for the task" But I just couldn't remember where it is from. Can someone help me find the video or just tell me the whole idea, if you happened to remember? Much appreciated!

I’ve been trying many different meditation techniques ever since my last panic attack and my religious trauma, mainly the ones from the HG YouTube playlist. So I started by doing alternate nostril breathing, but I didn’t feel anything, which is probably because it felt too automatic, like the switching of the nostrils didn’t help to keep my mind in the present. I then tried the Emotional Processing meditation, and it’s been working like magic. Every time I do it, my mind actually feels at ease, which almost never happened when I did alternate nostril breathing. At the same time, I’m a new meditator, so I still get triggered and have some trouble dealing with emotions coming up, so should I continue with the Emotional Processing meditation or choose another practice?

I'm 16, 11th grade. People my age are way more mature than me. I can't even take a simple responsibility of going to school.

I've been skipping school for a month without a proper reason other than saying "I'm tired" so my parents would get less mad, since I can't tell them I'm just being lazy. But that's kind of the same thing too, they're still mad and disappointed.

I don't even go outside when I skip school, I just stay in my room all day, and don't do anything valuable.

I know I have to pull myself together, but well... I'm tired.

After watching multiple videos and hearing Dr. K bring up his experience as a monk, and detailing their lifestyle, the more I am interested in exploring this.

Where do I start? How would I find a community to join? What are the per-requisites to become a monk?

My dream would be to find a place to get guidance and help. But I imagine it is expected I do some work on my own beforehand? I just don't know how far I can get without being in the lifestyle, and if I need a full immersive experience in order to get a proper taste of what my life would be like.

Just an idea I'm working on :)

For context I could make my own formulas from a young age (example is solving a^2-b^2=c via a formulla I had made when I was 12) and am decent at coding (never needed to draw an sql table in my life since I can just visualise the entire thing at once). The problem is I can solve maths equations fairly quickly without needing to write anything and because this stuff is just solved subconciouslly I am left with the answer and no path/explaination. The answer always works and is almost always the full list of possible solutions (there are rare cases where I missed one of the solutions). In school I need to write the solution and think in a more linear way to apply methods I am supposed to memorise. Even worse is the fact that while these methods are almost always teachable to others (some of my pears have actually used them), It is very rare to stumble upon something people would actually use - I mean who would calculate a matrix multiplication mentally when they have a calculator (It is almost faster for me to do it mentally).

Is there any way I can permenantly reduce my capacity to problem solve and think more linearly? I mean this has become stupidly annoying and just being on another world to most people sucks. I am capable of temporarly passing everything I do through the lens of "If I am a normal person I would do x" to emulate "normal thought process" but I would like something a lot less mentally straining to use on the daily and a lot more permanent.

As a result any tips to reduce a talent are welcome (especially if it allows you to reduce the talent faster than just not using it since I really need it gone).

So recently, I’ve realized that the best way to deal with people who seem fake is to stay completely authentic. It’s tempting to match their energy, but the more you stay true to who you are, the less those types of people stick around. Authenticity tends to filter out anyone who isn’t interested in the real you—and that’s honestly a blessing.

There are so many fake people out there. We shouldn't let them change the person we are.

I currently have a poor attention span and more importantly an Inability to concentrate on a given task. Also when I do start a task, I have trouble following through on them. I don't have much of a problem starting them but my follow through is very poor and leave tasks unfinished.

Anybody here manage to improve their concentration or follow through of tasks? Also please suggest specific teqniques that can help?

Any tips/advice is appreciated!

Hello, I am a 21 Year old in college working on getting a good job and a degree. I have always struggled with daydreaming and wondering about things that are not pertinent to the task on hand. Therefore, I tend to take longer to finish tasks than I would like to, and sometimes I do not get to things. How do I reduce mind wandering?

Hey guys, I want to talk about education around the brain. I'm a neuroscience enthusiast. I read books, have a hard time remembering the scientific names and parts of the brain, but overall, I consume a lot of information about how the brain works. That is why I love Dr. K in depth explanations.

So, currently, I’m watching an MBA class, and the professor brought up the theory of the triune brain. Something clicked in me because it seemed like nonsense. From my research, I’ve found that while there’s some truth to it, overall, it’s just a flawed theory. Am I correct? Does anyone knows about this?

If it’s indeed wrong, it really bothers me because there are so many people propagating this information as if it’s the truth, even though we already know it’s not entirely accurate. We could call it incomplete at best. This might not seem like a big deal, but I think it could lead to a snowball effect, with people conducting research and writing about it, ultimately drawing the wrong conclusions.

So all this made me search for simple videos about how the brain works, does Dr. K has something like this? In only one video? Do you have any books reccomendations? Like I know he talks about it, and I remember fragments of stuff like nucleus accumbus etc etc but I want something summarized.

So if you know anything about it:

Triune brain theory—should we still use it? What’s wrong with it, and why is it a problem to rely on it?

Can we actually say we have a "primitive brain" or mind and a "conscious" one? From what I’ve learned, we have reflexive behaviors and others that require much more effort. Is this correct?

Am I overthinking this? Haha. I genuinely believe we shouldn’t present incorrect theories as if they’re accurate. I can’t fully articulate the big negative impacts this could have on the neuromarketing field, but I feel they exist.

I personally seem to be stuck in a situation where I obviously need to work on my health and at least lose weight, if not become fit and physically attractive. An idea I've been playing around with is that it seems there's a thought that occurs every single time I get to make a choice where I simply don't feel like I have hope or I'm hopeful about my situation. I know on some objective basis that there is hope for my life situation to change and know that things aren't going to be like they are now forever, but I try and reach down into my body for that feeling of hope and I just don't have it. I'm convinced that if I felt hopeful or optimistic about things, then I'd be more easily convinced to make better choices, but I have no idea how to make myself feel that way. Going a purely mental or cognitive route doesn't work for me.

I'm not ask not to care what anyone else thinks period, that's a little psychopathic, I don't want to be crippled by it.

I wanted to ask how others with similar problems deal with self-hatred. I (34M) cannot find anything positive to say about myself. I don't make eye contact with my reflection in the mirror - it's almost like I disassociate. "That guy is a fucking loser, ignore him."

I've been to therapy and it's helped a bit, but the sensation is so visceral. I feel disgust when I look at the things I've worked on. I understand completely why I'm alone and I feel like I deserve to be alone. I wouldn't want to be around me either! It's all I can do just to take basic care of myself. Advice appreciated.

i have been into escapism for far too long and in recent times as always i have been trying to counter it, but the mental fog and draining of energy is insanely hard to counter (i have slept for 24 hours+ in past two days), i just feel like a failure and the fleeting feeling of "damn if I would have been that person" while watching reels/videos is all time high (idk if it's dissociation)

I have tried to keep that victim mentality of mine at bay, but I just cannot - it's so hard to leave phone and other stuff out, i have an very damn important exam nearby but I can't even focus a bit I'm damned up.

This is the most tone down version which i can define, the feeling of failure and guilt is too insanely strong

For some time now my mind has been leading me to think those kinds of things, even in everyday situations that I shouldn't have. That sometimes leads to watching pornography and masturbation, although now I don't consume so much adult content my mind still thinks about those things.

Now I think I might be occupying that time when I think about it with other things, because the thoughts are recurring, and I don't feel it's healthy.

Sorry for the poor english.

Hey, i'm 19 and french, and am currently studying to get into an engineering school. I do not really have an issue with working (I'm working from 8am to 9plmevery day including weekends, because in France the engineering exam is not based on how well you do, but how well you do compared to others which makes it especially difficult).

But I am completely lost at what I want to do, I'm lucky enough to be able to get into almost any job I aim for but I'm very desoriented and cannot decide. I can't choose whether I want to be an aerospace engineer, work in finance, do research, be a software engineer, a teacher, or even work as an artist or something totally unrelated like tending to plants or being an hiking guide. I have talked to people who do the jobs I've listed, I've seen what it takes, what are the salaries, how much free time they get, what are the employability rates... And each time I thought I came to a conclusion I'm again deeply lost.

I'm not sure what I want to prioritize and I don't really have the time to come to a decision because I really need that time to succeed at the exam. In reality my options aren't really that limited and there are still ways to switch carreers, schools while i'm moving in one direction. There aren't bad decisions either, whichever one I choose will still give me a good life.

But still this "problem" has been plaguing my mind, and distracting me. What are your thoughts on this ? Should I pick something and go with it ?

Do note that once I'll be in engineering school I'll have a lot more free time than now, but I'll already have "locked" some of the possibilites away.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Hello, a 16 year old student here, hoping to study psychology further. Anxiety and stress have been taking over me as I feel like wanting to achieve my dream goals.. but at the same time, I feel repelled by my own goals. I don't understand why, but sometimes, I feel tired working towards a goal I really really wanna do, like a burn out maybe. My motivation seems to be declining the more I go deep in. Like, I love psychology a lot, but finding connections and actually getting a job (with all the expectations of experience) stresses me whole day long. Can yall explain why this happens? Thank you for reading.

Hey guys. I’m 24 and I feel pretty behind in life and I wanna start working towards a better future for myself now. All I really want in life is a job that will pay me enough and not work me to death by the end of the week. Something that’s enough to pay for traveling and support a family eventually. I don’t really have any passions that can fuel a career for me but that’s fine.

Right now I’m thinking of doing a trade like HVAC or plumbing. Are those good careers? I also thought of firefighting but there are downsides to that like poor pay and health problems that come with how hazardous it can be. I also thought of joining the coast guard but I don’t really want to spend four years of my life doing something I might hate that I can’t quit. So my best option is probably doing a trade. What do you guys think? Thanks

So yeah, title says it all. Currently on a Pre-med course and so far I got good midterm grades. But I've gotten to a point where masturbation is my stimulus to keep satisfy myself to keep going studying, and I'm really sick and tired of it being a double edged sword:

just now I'm bummed out tired from school and travel ( 2 hour travel) and yet I need to prepare for a unit exam tomorrow morning at 7 am. First thing I wanna do was to catch sum z's before studying but then yeah, the impulse comes along, gotta scroll to find the best stuff that be stimulating, then boom blue light kicks away the need to sleep, and now I'm stuck forcing myself to study yet nothing coming in because i'm sleepy yet can't fall asleep at the same time.

I'm aware that I should be seeing other people or doing stuff away from it - I deliberately chose a gym months ago thats miles away from home to up my time away from my room and interact with people outside cause being and feeling alone is my trigger to masturbation. It was starting to work yet the pre-med course's study load really removed my agency to continue it, heck the gym was a really the reason why I had that discipline to study and burn yhe midnight oil helping me deposit good grades, but the course took this agency away due to the load being too much (frequent quizes that really need to be studied). As of the moment I'd accept my fate that I'll be doing bad for tomorrow's unit exam in exchange for proper z's but i'm fearful that my failure tomorrow might contribute into me getting into that addicting loop, like bruh I don't want to go back. This had been a reoccuring dilemma recently and tis only now that I'd raise the white flag against struggling to study cause i'm bummed out drained for the semester and I got finals right around the corner around 5 days from now.

I am 21 M dealing with seroius screen addiction. I sit inside most of the day on my computer. Even when i have things to do. I have an exam coming up, and all i do i sit inside and play games and watch yt. I am not miserable, and that might be part of the problem. I am not really motivated to do anything about it. More logically motivated "i know i should do this thing". Sometimes i break down crying because i feel so useless, but the tech might be supressing my emotions making me numb to the shame. I also lie about it to people in my life. Idk what to do to be honest, it feels really hopeless.