Like a lot of people these days, we probably have a bit of adhd thanks to smartphones and social media. So whenever i try meditations my mind just wander off to billions of places. The only thing that could kept my head from going off is just simply counting. Focus on the number, pace the tempo, 1 second per number until. i reach 600 so around 10 minutes.

Is this a good method to practice focusing my mind? Or are there better methods out there?

I am sorry to add to the list of dating posts on this subreddit, but I feel stuck.

The only person who has ever shown romantic interest in me was my friend from high school. After a while of being friends, he asked me out after writing me a lovely note for Valentine’s Day. I turned him down because of our very different religious and political beliefs, and because I didn’t think we would have a healthy romantic relationship. We are still friends to this day. I moved across the country for college and have no intention of ever moving back.

It has been almost 7 years since that happened, and the only time I’ve been on a date was one that my mom set up for me. (Apparently I helped him realize he was still in love with his best friend. Solid.)

No one has liked me enough to pursue anything more than a (gross/slimy) make out session, and even then it’s been several years since I’ve even done that. I’ve never been flirted with by anyone who wasn’t plastered drunk.

I really want to fall in love with someone one day. I want to have a family. I want to build a life with someone. I have friends and am on a path to a well-respected career, my spiritual life is pretty decent — I just can’t help but feel like something big is missing.

I’m concerned that I’ll never have another chance for a romantic relationship — either due to my own fears of rejection, or my looks, or my overly high standards. (My parents have been very good to me and to each other — I can’t see myself settling for someone who I can’t respect and who doesn’t respect me.)

I don’t know how to proceed. I can’t afford therapy, I’m working on losing weight to try to improve my physical attractiveness — but don’t know if that’ll change anything. Every time I try to make a dating app profile it instills a deep sense of shame in me. I’m loud and obnoxious but have a tendency to hold people at arm’s length if I’m not already friends with them — a winning/charming combo for sure. 🤪

School takes up 8-10 hours of my day, and the gym and self care takes up another 3. I live in a city where everyone seems to know each other, so if I ask a man out and he turns me down then everyone and their mama will know.

If you have any ideas on how to break out of my own pattern, I am all ears. Thank you all for reading, sending lots of love.

I'm not saying read a book, or even read to remember what you read. I'm saying just read anything you get your hands on and you can temporarily forget whatever is bothering you.

Grab a blog and starting sounding out the words and you get some peace.

• Remembered some cringe memory of you being unintentionally inappropriate in some situation years ago? Read.

• Feel bad about being lonely? Feel like you don't have any access to meeting new people? Read and read.

• Don't feel like you have fulfilled your potential? Read and don't stop.

Read outrageous things, read incredibly boring things, read the billboards, read number plates, read news, read Terms And Services.

But for god's sake don't stop.

Last year after 20 years of being single (honestly this never was a priority of mine so that's why it took this long lol)I got into my first formal relationship. It was devastating specially knowing I didn't really screw things up, she just let me one day. A couple weeks later I saw she posted a picture on social media in a bar with another guy in a really romantic setting which gave me the final piece of the puzzle for me to stop telling myself she was gonna be back, she either monkey branched or cheated or just met this guy, whatever it was it was over. Myself form some time ago would've taken it personally telling myself it was my fault, I'm unlovable and all of that but that didn't happen. In fact while she was breaking up with me she told me I was great and I deserved better, and something inside of me told me that yeah I didnt really do anything wrong. The only reason I'm telling this is because I wanna leave it clear that I didn't cling to any false hope or told me that I'm a piece of shit for getting dumped like that, I just told myself I wasn't what she wanted and well we had to part ways, I tried to stay friends with her (remember I didn't know she was already with someone else) but she didn't seem to want that so I just stopped reaching out and just moved in with my life. After seeing her posting that picture I felt so Ill I literally went and puked, it was a heavy blow given that it gave me every question imaginable and sparked the very possible thought in my brain that she was cheating in me with this guy for at least the last month of our relationship. But well I got over it, I took care of myself, I deleted every picture and message,, unfollowed her in every social media, deleted her number, and tried my best to never have to see her again, being deeply hurt I just told myself this wasn't a problem on me anymore, I never looked back, even when she texted me one day to show me something I replied in the most dismissive way posible and never hear of her again. 5 months later and it was just now that I was really over it, have made a lot of reflection in that experience, I've learned and forgiven and told myself that this isn't something I wanna carry forward in life, learning to accept the fact I wasn't gonna get any answers and the answers didn't even matter anymore was something really difficult because in my life everything I didn't like I have been able to change it for the better, but this wasn't something I could change. She meant a lot to me and I cherish the good moments even thought when I look back at certain things they weren't really that great. Anyway, two days ago I was checking my phone and for some reason Instagram had sent me a notification asking me to follow her(?) I don't know why it would tell me "hey follow this person you yourself unfollowed 5 months ago" but the odd thing was that her picture had changed. It was now her with that other guy, now I have to say that at the moment I didn't really cared, I just saw it out of curiosity like "oh, ok" and I noticed that I wasn't feeling upset, jealous of sad or anything I was mainly just curious which was what I expected after all this time. But ever since I saw that picture I haven't stopped thinking about them lol. And is weird, I have again a weird sensation in my chest I haven't felt since the day she left me, I don't know how to describe it, is not sadness, is not rage or jealousy but is just there and like the thoughts I'm having is bothering me. I went out of my way to make sure I don't get any notifications like that again, I went back and deleted some pictures I didn't delete because they were I cloud and I didn't even check those I just knew the must've been there. I honestly don't care about this anymore but I feel like it's weird that after this long I'm getting this feelings again. Is that normal? I've felt those urges to just look back and maybe check her socials and see what she's been up to the last months, but I know that isn't important and I know I won't do it. Is just weird because I haven't felt this unwell in along time and even though I did use to think of her every day for he past 5 months it was just like a loose thought, never in any particular way and never making me want to know anything about her. Mostly posting this to let out some of this, I have exhausted my friends with this reflections of mine but I wouldn't be in a good mindset of it wasn't because the people who helped me get out of the loopholes my mind loved to make about this whole situation Thanks for reading:))

I am reflecting on my relationship with money, financial independence, and my evolving mindset over the years. A decade ago, I believed that any small job was enough for survival, but after working for 4.3 years, I now see the gap between my dreams and my financial reality. I struggle with financial limitations, self-doubt about up skilling for a high-paying job, and fears of job instability. Additionally, I’m conflicted between wanting independence and taking responsibility for my family. Despite financial constraints, I try to make meaningful experiences in small ways. How can I navigate these challenges, build financial freedom, and align my goals with my current reality?

or maybe, why would he - or anyone - not become a monk if these people apparently are so happy?

I'm just trying to understand why, it seems like, ANYTHING dating related, most of the time, has a higher ratio of men than women.

Ladies Nights were created to attract women to bars so men would pay to follow them.

Women's spaces online have a sizeable population of lurking men.

There are several social medias that have women explicitly request men to not DM them due to the sheer amount of them they receive.

And well, you know dating apps...

I don't blame any gender for not engaging due to the problems this creates, but a lot of these problems would be solved if things were more equal, however, there is always an imbalance, does anyone have an explanation or theory as to why?

How do you find that thing that makes you want to do anything in pursuit of that thing? I'm like a jack of all trades, but I don't get into anything enough to be an expert. I get into a lot of things and often reach an advanced level, but none of them end up being something that I want to pursue forever and become a god at. I have a lot of dreams and a lot of baggage, and I work every day to move toward those dreams and empty the baggage, but it's not enough. Am I just not passionate enough, or incapable of being passionate about anything? Have I not found my passion? Or am I just human. I don't know the answer to these questions.

Context: https://youtu.be/s-ITMcC1JNg

I loved the video, but I guess I'm tripped up on a few things:

1. How do you build habits if you're only supposed to focus on 2-3 things per day/week (don't remember which time unit Dr. K used)? The 2-3 things in a day/week included things like paying bills and settling something at a job in Dr. K's example. Where would a new habit fit in? Example: what if I want to meditate for 20 minutes each day, but this week I have to do 3 projects (I'm a CS major in college), fix my car, feed the dog, maintain my other habits, etc. It seems difficult to consistently do something long enough for it stick as a habit, while also keeping up with everything else AND not feeling overwhelmed...
2. What if I'm already committed to several things at once that I'm unable/very unwilling to let go of? Examples include taking care of my vegetable garden while being busy with coursework, personal projects, prearranged meetings with friends, and so on? What would I sacrifice if I found more friends or a girlfriend, or wanted some other commitment?
3. Could the actual number of things to work on each day/week depend on how complicated/difficult they are? Things like watering the garden, feeding the dog and meditation are relatively simple to do in practice, but does that mean I can only do those things in a single day?

Maybe I'm taking things too literally, or overthinking Dr. K's ideas. I guess what I really want is to know how to continuously improve myself (make lasting change) without feeling exhausted and overwhelmed all the time.

Thanks for reading and any feedback!

After years of work, I'm (28 M) getting to a point where I've become very confident with dating and I'm starting to see some unprecedented success. Up to this point, I've only hooked up once, kissed/made out many times, and had one relationship that wasn't too great many years ago. I've had a lot of dates as well and they've been getting better and better as time has gone on.

Recently, I've had a couple of dates with this one woman that seems like girlfriend or even wife material, I have another date with her this weekend and things may get intimate. Before they do, I want to make sure I know exactly what I want: am I willing to pursue something long-term with her if we like each other or should I keep playing the field and have some more romantic adventures before settling down?

My gut reaction is to not commit and to keep dating around because I feel like it could be a lot of fun. The fact that I'm getting more confident and better at dating makes me wonder what romantic thrills I could achieve if I kept dating. I also feel if I settle down I may look at other women and wonder what I may have missed out on, my heart will yearn for that a little.

But this woman is really special. I've only had two dates with her so I don't really know her enough to commit to her very much. But I just feel like if I'm going to be intimate with her, I need to be ready to make it clear what I want. It seems like she wants a long-term relationship based on her dating profile but we haven't really talked about that. Maybe there's a chance she's open to something short-term also.

So that's where this question comes from. Which path is more fulfilling? I'm very curious to hear from people who've been in relationships and people who've played the field a lot.

Hi!

I'm a dude who's spent his whole life keeping the 'options open' for my career. I studied engineering because I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I picked a high-paying generic 'Analyst' job because I told myself I was choosing between being 'Lost' and 'Rich and Lost'. I have spent the last 3-ish years making rich people richer. One company I worked for actively invested in Oil and Gas, and had a 'portfolio' of single-family homes that they rented back (so corporate land owning). I knew that I was making the world a worse place, but I told myself it wasn't that bad. I was helping make insurance (not health. please don't @ me) more expensive, and helping rich people get richer.

I've decided to quit, and re-train to be a teacher. I want to help people, directly. I shadowed a teacher for 3 days and enjoyed it. My stepmother is a teacher and has thoroughly let me know the difficulties I will face. The long hours, low pay, difficult parents, difficult students, bureaucracy, etc. Frankly, I don't care. Learning has always been my why. The idea of helping kids learn, practicing pedagogy. If I can make one kids life just a little bit better - that's a day well spent.

Is this dharma? I have no clue. But I'm tired of not having a purpose, and if blowing up my life can get me a little closer, then why not? I have no kids, no pets, and no partner. I have zero obligations and a strong enough financial safety net to fall-back on if things go from bad to worse.

I don't know why I'm sharing this here, but I felt like this group might have some insights into how I'm thinking. Is it healthy? (I know that's vague). Is it reckless? (I have a backup plan, so ... maybe?) Has anyone here done the same? (Please reach out. I'd love to hear from you.)

Been listening to Dr K for a long time. Often he references his experiences in "ashrams" in Asia but I haven't heard him explicitly talk about the actual philosophies these places teach/ascribe to. A lot if his meditations also seem to be based in some sort of metaphysical assumptions, which IMO are under discussed. Are there any good resources that discuss these without the "woo" and nonsense that usually go with these things?

It's the first post asking this question because I have someone who I talk to often and I always promised to meet us in person. I can't give you more details, but I'm always excited.

I’ll be honest I feel that red pill stuff can be helpful as they aren’t completely wrong in what they are saying it just seems like red pill stuff is just operating on a lack of information Think of it like algebra pemdas is how to do the entire problem it seems like the red pill stuff is stuck on doing the parentheses of the relationship math problem Does anyone else feel this is accurate?

I think I internalized a little too much of the videos and stories shaming men for their (rightfully) creepy behavior. I realize I don't behave like that and that my recent exploration of the dating scene and my sexuality have been met with great success, but still every time I even just text someone I'm interested in I feel like a total creep regardless of the reaction.

I'm starting to realize that my fear surrounding dating is not a fear of rejection but a fear to be creepy. This just leads to me half-assing my attempts to flirt ultimately shooting myself in the foot. How do I stop viewing my sexuality as something to be shunned?

To preface this I'm a 26F with BPD, Bipolar Disorder, and CPTSD.

TLDR at the bottom. I'm sorry this is really long. I really tried to keep it short.

I've been in a situationship with my ex boyfriend (27M) for the past 4 years. We've been on and off but most of the time we were both communicative about being monogamous with each other. We live a little over an hour away from each other so seeing each other wasn't the most convenient, but we would both make an effort to see each other weekly, and for the past year it was him driving to my place bc he had moved in with family members to save money.

10 days ago I found out I was pregnant from blood test results my gyno took. My ex had texted me he was coming over after work, so I decided to keep the information with me until I saw him in person. He was already drunk by the time he got to my place. I was trying to find the right way to tell him i'm pregnant, but I just couldn’t figure out how to do it. We ended up having sex instead. Mid-sex I noticed his phone kept ringing. I flipped it over and saw it was an unfamiliar girl's name so I impulsively answered it. I managed to say “hello?” before he cursed and grabbed the phone to hang it up. He said something like “why…would you do that.” And I know it sounds odd but we continued having sex for some reason. Idk. 

I asked him who that was and he told me she was just some random girl he's known for a month that he’s been ghosting bc he doesn’t want to talk to her. I kept poking holes in his “logic,” but he stuck to his story and said he doesn’t talk to anyone else and only wants to be with me. He  grabbed my hands, looked deep into my eyes and swore on everything that he loves that he only wants me and hasn’t been with anyone else but me. I started crying and asked him how I'm supposed to trust him when she's spam calling him? I even told him if you want someone else then go ahead and let me go. And he just doubled down and kept love bombing. Asking me not to escalate things with her, that he’ll handle it. I reluctantly agreed. But I had already found her snapchat account and sent her a message while he was cleaning up in the bathroom. 

She finally replied to my message, so I gave her a call which started with her saying “thank you” because she had a feeling he was cheating on her but she just wanted the confirmation for herself. She told me they’ve been dating for a year and just moved in with each other two months ago. My heart and jaw dropped. I was probably left speechless. I can’t really remember. Honestly, I was having a hard time processing the information at all. 

And then she told me he just recently gave her an STD, and that’s when I really lost it. I asked her how recently, and who else was he having sex with because I knew for a damn fact I hadn’t been sleeping with anyone else. I also asked her why she would even stay after he gave her an STD. Honestly, she was either drunk, high, or just kinda really dumb, idk she just wasn’t reacting to anything emotionally. She was presenting this false narrative of being so emotionally resilient while being completely disconnected from the situation as well. As if she didn’t just find out her boyfriend has been cheating on her their entire relationship, and as if she didn’t just find out about his infidelity when I answered his phone in the middle of sex.

My ex texted me saying “we’re done.” I called him and gave him an ear full saying “of course we’re done” and was trying to hold him accountable. I wanted to tell him about the pregnancy but I also didn’t want to do it in the heat of the moment. He hung up the phone and blocked me on everything. I’ve sent him emails about me being pregnant but he hasn’t replied or bothered to reach out. 

I feel an emptiness I can’t explain. I feel numb. It’s been ten days and I haven’t heard anything from him. I had midterms this week so I've been putting all of my focus into studying, which has been a great distraction for my mind, but it's not a foolproof plan. I get overwhelmed with the need to call him or hear from him or get some sort of reply. I have my first ultrasound this week and I want him to be there more than anything and I just don’t know how to push forward without him. I keep obsessively checking his social media accounts as well as his “girlfriends” bc she’s still posting snaps from his living room. Logically I know I shouldn't be looking at their profiles, but I can’t help it. It’s an overwhelming urge. It’s similar to when I would self-harm in the past and the only way I managed to deal with that was with the support from my ex. And without his support I feel like I have nothing. 

TLDR: Found out im pregnant at the same time I found out my ex boyfriend has been lying and cheating on me with a girl he was not only dating but also living with (she said he also gave her an STD). He blocked me on everything and refuses to take any accountability for his actions. 

I’m looking for advice, kind words, support and an outsider's perspective on this. I feel like I can’t make sense of anything right now even 10 days later.

Hi,

I think I have just destroyed and stained a relationship with the most wonderful person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and being with.

Long story short, I told a lie (which I usually never do) in order to downplay a situation that I felt looked bad and difficult to explain so that she wouldn't think something worse was going on, although there wasn't anything going on in the first place. IDK why I did it, I usually wouldn't but I did in the moment. I have destroyed her trust which has been shaky due to my own actions in the past (similar story) and now she believes I have confirmed that I am a person to not be trusted and that I have probably been lying about the kind of person I am and I CAN'T blame her but it is really very far from the truth. I take pride in my complete honesty and so it is really difficult for me to accept since I would never entertain anything outside of my relationship with her and I tried to do the right thing and respect her in every encounter, even if she wasn't around. I wish I could pull her into my mind so that she can see the truth but it seems it is now beyond repair.

How can I accept that she can not trust me any longer even though I believe I am trustworthy and that our relationship shouldn't be over? I think we had something special and I know I can do better than telling unnecessary lies in order to not cause worry, and that I AM better but I can't prove this to her anymore. The fact that she believes I had deceived her by faking honesty is eating me alive because she doesn't deserve that and it is just not true. She deserves everything she thought I was and who I know myself to be.

How can I accept my ex gfs stained perception of me and our time spent together even though it is not reality? How can I accept that my actions taken to avoid hurting her have caused this? She feels as though she has been duped for the last 4-5 years and that I have confirmed her lack of trust in me, even though she has not been duped and I have never been that person. I've been my authentic self, the one I gave to her and IDK how to accept making her feel that way as she's a person who I treasure so dearly, who has been my best friend for a long time and who simply just doesn't deserve it, she deserves everything I still wish I could give her.

I hope this doesn't come off as too vague and venty, I'm willing to clarify anything if it helps

When I feel full of energy and confident and healthy and ready to start something I think I look angry from the outside. Actually maybe it even is anger but it doesn't feel negative to me at all more just activating and it makes me want to run around and socialise and make new experiences and stuff. I just feel like when I have this mood people seem very disapproving and weirded out by me, maybe even scared.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for by writing this. Advice? Validation? Just a place to put my thoughts before they bury me?

I work 200-250 hours a month in a dead-end night shift job because I have no other option. It’s exhausting, but quitting isn’t even a possibility. My paycheck doesn’t just keep me alive—it keeps my parents back home afloat too. My mother barely makes 400 euros, and my father’s medication is expensive. Meanwhile, I’m paying into a healthcare system in Germany that I never even use, knowing full well that if I did try to, all I’d get is a waiting list or pills I don’t want to take. I’ve tried seeking therapy, but it’s either too expensive or unavailable. I can’t afford to crash. Burnout isn’t an option when the alternative is homelessness.

Financially? I feel like a complete idiot. I’ve been in Germany for 3.5 years, and I’ve only managed to save 5,000 euros. Meanwhile, a friend I helped move here saved over 30,000 in less than two years—same job, same conditions, but he’s thriving while I’m barely keeping my head above water. I feel like a fool, incapable of managing my money, incapable of getting ahead. Every time I think about it, it just reinforces that I’m not built for this world.

On top of everything, I got myself into a long-distance relationship with a Moroccan woman. She’s not a scammer, she’s not catfishing me—I trust her. But trust doesn’t erase reality. Her family’s strict, she can’t just leave, and the only way for us to be together would be for me to marry her and bring her here. That’s expensive, that’s complicated, and frankly, I don’t even know if I have the capacity to handle it. I’ve already been supporting her financially, but what’s the point if I don’t even know if this has a future? I’m trapped in this limbo of wanting to believe in something good but knowing deep down that this might just be another mistake in a long list of them.

My body is wrecked—203 cm tall with long limbs that make everything from push-ups to lifting weights feel unnatural. Kyphoscoliosis, neck lordosis, chronic fatigue, skin issues, a failing immune system. Every time I try to fix one thing, another gets worse. Dermatologists tell me isotretinoin might be my only option for cystic acne, but that could make my mental health worse. If I try to fix my testosterone, it might screw up something else. I don’t know what’s causing what anymore.

And don’t even get me started on my family. I went home recently, and within minutes, my father was screaming at me, accusing me of being irresponsible for coming home late after seeing my friends. It escalated into insults, and I nearly lost it. I clenched my fists, ready to do something I’d regret, but he backed down. I don’t even know why I still visit. The house I grew up in is literally falling apart—black mold, decay, a symbol of everything I want to escape. But guilt keeps pulling me back.

I try to integrate here in Germany, I really do. I want to settle in Bavaria, but no matter what I do, people act like I don’t belong. If I talk about my struggles, I’m suddenly an AfD troll. How the hell does that make sense? I came here to work, to build something for myself, not to be seen as some enemy of the system.

I’m stuck in this pursuit of "get rich or die trying" because, realistically, money is the only way out of this mess. With money, I could take care of my parents, fix my health, get therapy, maybe even sort out my relationship. But without it, I’m just another cog in the machine, a disposable worker who’s barely keeping it together.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this. Maybe I just needed to get it out. Maybe I want to believe there’s still a way forward. Or maybe I’m just waiting for a sign that I’m not completely alone in this.

If you made it this far, thanks. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Hi there. 3 years before I started to read news to understand the world and started to be mature. However I got so confused about people's actions. For example there were people who act violent with deadly instruments to schools in USA. An another example is students who prepare for their national exams to become a doctor get depressed and choose the wrong end in India. I still can't figure it out why people tend to behave like that. It takes out my joy and makes me think deeply about the reasons at anytime. I couldn't diagnose and put it in word what I am experiencing. Can you help me to configure? Let's say you are going to the therapist and explain this situation, how would you put those things in word?

Do you guys ever develop a crush on someone you don't find attractive? I don't perceive the person as ugly but I don't really feel physically drawn to him. On the other hand, I think there's something cute and charming about him. I've never been in a relationship (mainly due to anxious/avoident attachment) and feel like, whenever I get genuine attention from someone, I get easily attached in the sense that I imagine what it would be like to be with them, talk to them, etc. I day dream a lot and I rarely make these experiences. It's become kind of a gag but I get a yearly crush pretty punctually. I know the solution would be to connect with more people but it's hard and a lentghy process. I'm in a new city and just started getting to know some people through martial arts one of which is the person I just described. Any advice?

I recently began thinking about having autism. I've di w several online tests that confirm my suspicions, but I don't know if I can be sure. Should I go to a psychiatrist? Will anything change if I get diagnosed? I need an advice on what to fo from now on.

School and uni is so frustrating and tedious for me. Its like watching a boring youtube video you cant click off of. To paint a better picture: its like doing taxes all day. But they take super long and are difficult to do. I have to listen to music when i study, because its so tedious and often boring. Any interest i had for the subjects always seems to be crushed and stepped on. I constantly fight between doing more dopaminergic activities/activities that are more 'fun' than studying. Sometimes I give in, and then i accidentally procrastinate. This just prolongs how long and how much i need to study, so i just fuck myself over.

Jobs arent any better. From my inexperienced POV, theyre incredibly boring and tedious. I dont understand how people put up with this for multiple years. If this keeps up i think i will kill myself

I do not have ADHD nor depression. Ive tried all the study techniques, obviously nothing worked. Ive tried dopamine detox, etc etc.

I dont believe I have to give up and just choose some other career path. It has to be possible to enjoy uni and school. How does everyone else do it?

I've been struggling with depression for a while, but I often feel like my feelings aren’t "valid" because I have everything I need, and others have it worse. My partner is very rational about emotions—he sees things logically, and while he tries to support me, he doesn’t really understand why I feel this way.

When I open up about my struggles, it sometimes feels like I’m met with solutions rather than emotional support, or like my feelings are being analyzed instead of accepted. I know he wants to help in his own way, but it makes me hesitant to talk about my mental health because I don’t want to seem selfish or manipulative. At the same time, not talking about it makes me feel isolated.

I want to find a way to balance being honest about my struggles while keeping our relationship healthy. Has anyone else been in this situation? How do you communicate mental health struggles with a partner who sees emotions through a more pragmatic lens?

title. It's tough for me to open myself up even to myself. I have a strong personality and I have character, but none of that matters if I don't feel completely free and unafraid to go through lies i tell myself to myself. Persona's been building up without me noticing and it's weighing on me. Just got off of therapy that's where I realized all of this, I just gotta give it time

I hope all of you live good lives

Growing up I (M20) had always been praised by my parents, specifically my dad. He grew up with parents that were not so supportive of him, leading to him striving for academic and professional success.

Wanting to correct this for his own kids, he would constantly tell me and friends/family about how smart/talented I was and how I effortlessly got good grades in my early schooling.

As time went on and school became more and more difficult and called for more effort, I started to dip in grades and become very very lazy. I only did the bare minimum to pass for school and only excelled at subjects I didn't need to try so hard for or just understood easily. I started to develop a low self esteem even though my parents only praised me!

I also used to avoid doing even the simplest of tasks if I wasn't sure how I'd do, almost as to not ruin what my parents thought of me. I'd burst into tears at the most minor failure when attempting something, only to be mocked for it by my dad.

I don't hold it against him and I acknowledge his perspective as he was definitely raised in boomer times and he's a lot more understanding and caring than most people his age.

Reflecting on it now I've realized that the expectation coming from that praise is precisely what led to this, as having to realize things actually take effort, as well as mistakes and failures being possible was probably very deflating for my ego or self worth growing up.

I see the exact same behavior in my little sister, crying and everything! She's constantly in her room on her phone to avoid any school work, as if any effort she does will be pointless.

It kind of makes me wonder what the correct approach is to raising your kids as too little praise (like in my dad's case) can lead to striving for more with the cost of your self worth being based fully in your achievements, while too much leading to low self esteem and almost imposter syndrome like traits.

Having realized all this I'm happy to say I'm improving, but I'd like to ask; has anyone else dealt with this? What are some tips or advice you'd like to share? I wish everyone the best!

I have just been stuck in over analysis limbo for a decade now , have a lot of pretentious guilt and Shame , though I think I have never felt true emotions , just pretended to .

At the core , I am a coward , runner from issues , avoidant individual who has no regard for anything positive. Also not a good human per se , don't care much about others , very selfish , emotionally immature and scared.

I self loathe , not because I care to change , but so that when someone points out I need to work on myself , i don't feel that much bad and just say see I care because I hate myself , you don't have to scold me. It's basically a coward victim mentality I have set for myself.

Also again , consuming a lot of self help content like forever and everyone's first point is take accountability or ownership for your bad choices.

How do I do that ? I will forever be this coward who has avoided work for 10 years. My ego won't accept this bs I have created. I even know this is just avoidance in form of self pity and sympathy. I have made thousands of such posts from different accounts and never acted once. Not even once , just absorbed all that pity for selfish reasons to accept what I have become and justify my inaction.

(background) I've recently started feeling normal again. The years from 2020 - 2023 were complete shit maybe even the early part of 2024. I had insane acne (still do) am weak as hell, was hung up on a girl from 10th grade and was increasingly confused as to what am I doing in life.

Now I've been better. I don't immediately curse myself when something bad happens. It's the very opposite actually.

Now no matter what happenens good or bad I just don't have a reaction to it. Like i dropped my airpods in a gutter and my reaction was "eh" . But ye problem is it is the same when something good happens I was at a party and instead of being happy I was like "hmm" .

I do feel like a surge of emotions but like I don't know why it's not enough. Ik this doesn't make sense but I feel like I am not feeling enough.

It helps me in many ways , I am indifferent to stuff now over which I used to get upset earlier.

But like from the past few months I've been feeling like Nothing will ever make me happy. Even if I get my dreams fulfilled, even if I marry the perfect dream person, even if I accomplish everything I wanted to.

This thought is always lingering in the back of my mind. (I try to be indifferent to it) But it makes me feel hollow and empty inside. Like someone or something sucked the joy out of me. (I was not like this when I was a child, I was so annoying that all my relatives complain that i would never sit peacefully or let anyone else have peace)

Now even if I am dancing at a party (putting myself out there) I feel like I am going through the motions. No joy no nothing.

how do I bring back the lost JOY in my LIFE?

I established a good relationship with a good person. But there were some serious problems. Some of them were about her, some were about me, and some were about the relationship between us. But at the end of the day, she was a good person and I loved her. But she doesn't exist anymore. This creates dissatisfaction. I feel like if I had done something differently, I could have gotten a different result. This still makes me stalk her. And clearly this ball has no chance of returning from the post. It's already a goal. So I ask you to help me understand. What exactly could be going on in my mind? What could be the reason for this obsession?