Hi, I'm young in high school etc. won't specify age don't rlly think it's important. Look I've been obsessed with this girl, talked to her since 7th grade, on and off talking, we've liked each other before but we didn't go anywhere. She could tell me anything, tell me about problems and she was just really sweet to me from then till now. We were doing fine until she didn't respond, but the issue is I get obsessive and sent a bunch of messages asking where she was etc. I feel like what I do I can't get over her... What should I do? Thanks Cam

I just fell after going my farthest on getting over it

I hate being seen as weak, by anyone p much. And I always feel weak. I always feel like my sense of self worth is very specifically wrapped up in the sinking feeling that life is against me and trying any harder might kill me but I’d better do it anyway. I’ve felt genuine pride over my ability to do things that actively fuck my life, health, sanity etc. if it means someone else’s life is made slightly better. I still wanna do some things cuz they’re something I wanna accomplish, but anything that makes life easier? Less stressful? Not on hard mode? It makes me wince and think “yeah this whole regular sleep thing is great and all but we all know you don’t really wanna need it forever right?” I tell others things that I want them to believe like that it’s not weak to ask for help, but I kinda choose to believe it is weak to chase that feeling. And it’s lead me to a point where chasing that exhaustion and suffering has lead to…how do I put this…borderline self harming thoughts and behaviors? And has made accomplishment feel less like a thing I can be proud pf more like a brief escape from the existential feelings of weakness and worthlessness. Anyway, I wanna stop being and thinking this way, where do I start?

Okay so I (21F) am doing bachelor's. I have a classmate I find cute. In our first year I used to find him cute. We flirted for some reason six months into our first year for two/three days. After that he started ignoring me. Later I found out he got in a relationship. I didn’t mind much. It was alright.

So in our second year we had a big fight. Few days later we talked about it. After resolving the issue we started talking more. I realised he was flirting with me. At first I didn’t respond much but after a while I too started responding (he had broken up with his gf. And I thought let's just have fun. No issue). So we used to talk all night. We went on three dates (platonic) secretly. ( I am a sheltered girl. I never dated or went on a date ; romantic or platonic ; with a guy or held any guys hand).

After a while he again started ignoring me. I knocked first. I always made the first move. I started missing him. Later I found out he got back together with his ex gf. Maybe after that a month or so later he again started flirting with me. He hid from me that he has a gf. But I knew. Anyhoo I still did respond ( I am an idiot and I thought it was harmless. Ik I deserve hell)

Later in some fun conversation between our other classmates his gf was brought up; he again tried to hide it but I let him know that I already knew. But even then we kept flirting anyway. Anyhoo things went on like that. He was hot and cold with me. (He flirts with other girls too btw. Though only I respond ig. I mean he looks at every girl like they are the best thing on earth. So basically he is that kind of guy. Idk the word)

Coming to now : For some reason he is angry with me. I didn’t do anything wrong from my point of view. It is some internal fight in class. Nothing to do with us. He is again ignoring me. I made the first move again. To make things better between us. But he doesn’t respond. I keep wanting to give him a message. Send him a good joke, music anything that reminds me of him and gets us back into that fun magical flirty stage.

I know I am an idiot to not realise it earlier. I had doubts but was pretty confident that I would not fall for someone who is so disrespectful to me ; emotionally unstable and unavailable. Now I am thinking I like him more than I should, romantically even. I think the fact that I see him everyday almost is messing with my head. So how do I get over him? How do I ignore him when I almost always want his attention? I know I am very old but I have always been in only girls institutions so I never had to face these kind of internal conflicts.

A message; A text; A voice; A sound;

I kiss the signs in the woods; As I drive 45 under 30;

When I walk, it's alone; Because I walk with a friend I can't see;

I turn North; Off road; With no clear path; And walk that way;

It's what I know; Only intention; No outcome;

I failed my task; With a friend I once knew; In a time we were supposed to grow;

A message; A text; A voice; A sound;

I kiss the signs I never saw; A truth never told; A history I'll never know; I never knew my friend;

I turn North; It's what I know;

I never knew. I wish I did. I could have done better. We could have been happy.

How do I let go of a wife I failed? How do I accept her leaving?

hi all, as i type this i currently am sitting in my bathroom trying to muster up the courage to just clean myself. its probably been at least 3 weeks since i properly showered, maybe more. i know im really fucking gross.

i used to hate showering because the house i lived in was filthy; the shower was always infested with spiders and mold, so i wouldnt bathe often. then when winter came, we had no heat, so id shower even less at that time. and of course, my depression made it nearly impossible to shower in the first place.

i moved in with a very generous and beautiful friend, and i take showers more often, especially since i also have to go to work now. but i still really, truly struggle to get myself in there. its so stressful and awful. i hate everything about showering.

i tried buying nice soaps and lotions and stuff, but none of it really motivates me to consistently clean myself. i have an easier time washing my face/brushing my teeth. i dunno, any tips guys? i considered maybe if i had a really nice bathrobe or towel or something maybe itd make the transition easier, but idk if im just being a pussy about the whole thing.

I need some beautiful humans, depressed to the Max I'm depressed, confused and brsin fogged. My long term anxiety, depression, and somatization are killing me in the last 2-3 months. I'm in decline, I resigned from my job I isolated myself from freinds and families, not because I want to, but there is a power stronger than me that I can't resist now ... What's more, my medicine is out of stock since 2 weeks and so a further decline. Didn't leave home in 2 weeks, didn't pick phone calls from freinds and family members, always alone in my room. I'm dysfunctional, god granted me some intelligence and capabilities. I resigned but I'm still getting offers while I'm home not making an effort looking for another job. I get called, schedule interviews, abd skip them. I paid a substantial amount of money to pursue further education and I'm lagging behind already.

I feel I'm being forgotten gradually due to my own isolation. I find it more than difficult to get out and socialize. I'm sensing the danger, I need people to talk to, to socialize with eve if on social media, I need to speak at least from behind a screen to feel I'm still connected and alive I'm unsure if the sub allows but anyone feels like can helps, listen and chat just DM me on my ig H.Alshai5. The story is much more complicated, I have been sleeping for full days, not eating for days and not talking to anyone or doing anything other than scrolling though social media aimlessly. There is so much to say and express.....

Despite what they say…

Although everyone has told me since the end began I shouldn’t do shit for you…I have tried and done all that I could while I could. “Take care of yourself.” “Fuck her she wanted it this way, she asked for this.” “She’s taken enough from you.” “Let the replacement pay for it.” These are the things I’m being told by my circle…have been since this started. I don’t care…I know who I am and the man I am…regardless of what anybody thinks of me. And though my current situation makes it even more challenging and despite what I know now to be true. I will do my best to help you as WE get through what may be the final chapter of our time together.

I will do my best to provide, at minimum what you have asked me for. If I’m able I will do more. There’s a couple of reasons why. Despite what others think or have said…and despite my faults and mistakes…I’m a good man. Another is that you deserve it and are owed it. You tried…you loved me and continued to try and help and support me when any one else would have bailed a long time ago and I respect and appreciate that. So to me…you’ve got it coming. Another thing is that I was there to witness how the others left you. Unlike them, I loved you deeply and sincerely. It wasn’t an act…it was all real on my end. Lastly…as stupid as it sounds…I still love you…with all my heart. I will never heal from or get over this loss. I will mourn forever. I may move on, may find someone new and love them. But I will never get over you. I will never fully give myself to anyone again…for myriad of reasons I’m not going to get into now…there’s no point. And although I realize the changes are miniscule and highly unlikely at best…I’m still holding on to that little bit of hope. You know what hope I’m speaking of. Please never tell me there is none…even if that’s the truth. I mean there’s plenty of truth you’ve kept from me. Keep that one from me too. Because that hope…along with very few other things…is what’s propping me up and keeping me going right now. Don’t take that from me too please.

I will do what I can to provide what you’ve asked for. I sincerely have a heart full of love, compassion, understanding and forgiveness. For everything. I hope it all works out how you have it pictured. I hope you’ve finally found what you’ve been wanting all these years. I hope you have your happy ending. Truly that’s what I wish for you.

As for me…not sure if you even care. I’m not sure what tomorrow will bring. Not really concerned about it…because it may not even arrive. I’m just focused on what I can do today and that’s it. For the first time in a very long time, I have options, I’m not trapped and I feel very optimistic. Standing before me is a lathe blank canvas…and I can do what I want with it. And that’s a good place to start.

I will always love you. I am grateful for the time we shared and the good things it created in me. I will never hate you or fell resentment for you. I will cheer for you and the life you make from here on out…you will just never hear them. And I will never close the door on “us”…though I know I should. I just can’t. You will be with me everywhere I go and I will see you in everything I look at and I will hear you in every song. I promised to love you forever until I leave this place and I will. But you will likely never know.

And with tha, MD?…I say, not goodbye…but, “I’ll see you later.” XXOO

My mom would always allow my sister to make fun of me everytime when we were younger. I would tell my mom everytime that I hated her doing it but my mom would always make excuses for my sister saying it's just a joke. Inwould always punch my sister for the shit thay she said to me and my mom would always say I have anger issues because of it. But even when I did just make of her back my mom would give me shit for it. I could never come up with a clever comeback at all and it always pissed me off. I hated how my mom would always excuse what my sister said even it she thinks it's just a joke.

I hate how my mom always seem to go out of her way to help out my sister. One time when we were kids I begged my mom for months to get me a ps3 but she kept telling me that we didn't have any money. But then one day my mom bought my sister a $600 camera for my sister just because she asked her. I was extremely pissed off because she just asked her once and she bought it for her. My sister even told me that my mom always had money she just always told me that we didn't have it so that it'd get me to stop. My sister even said that my mom had no real authority so that she could do whatever she wanted.

What annoyed me one time was that back in 2022 I was only working part time and still going to school. I wasn't even making that much for anything. My sister always goes on trips all the time because her boyfriend pays for it. My sister would always give me shit for this whenever I complained about it saying oh just save money. Well I'm not making much and u have someone paying for u.

One time I asked my mom to help for for a ps5 because I was only working part time and I needed more money. But on that day when she came home she kept saying she didn't have it. And she kept letting my sister but in the whole time. My sister kept saying oh she pays for your car shut the hell up. She them said go live on ur own and get out of here. And I couldn't take it. I know that my mom also helped pay for my sister's car and also gave her money whenever she wanted.

I couldn't control myself when my sister said all those horrible things and then I grabbed the vacuum and I best her up with it. And I don't regret any of it I don't care how that sounds. She said the most retarded shit to me and she always gets away with it and my mom always allows it and because I don't react calmly to it my mom says I have anger issues. A half hr later she calls the cops on me. They handcuffed me and my mom didn't even tell them what my sister said she just said it was the ps5 the whole time and that I have anger issues. I didn't even tell the cop the whole truth because they handcuffed me. I hate my mom for this and I always will. I hate how she made my sister seem like the victim when she fucking said all those horrible things and expected me to just take it all like she always does.

Time afterwards I would beat up my mom for what she had done. And again I don't care how that sounds. She tried to minimize what she had done and act like I should get over it. She always minimizes the dumb shit that she puts me thru.

In December of 2023 we went to a trip thru the Philippines. For a year we were talking about this trip and I would always tell my mom not to let this trip end up with us barely doing anything like the past few times we went there. And again like she always does she kept promising that my relatives had an itinerary and that they had a lot planned for us.

But then one day my mom says that they were going on a trip to a springs. I was told that they were going to the store and that they'd be back soon. I waited for hours and them nothing. I had told my mom before we had to do something and not waste anymore time doing nothing this whole trip. We had done a whole 8 hr car ride for nothing just to meet my uncl3s fiancé's family and we didn't even get to actually meet them.

When my uncle arrived he told me that my mom and aunt were at the springs even tho they had told me they were going to come back. I told him I wasnt told anything and then he just laughed. I got extremely pissed off.

I got so pissed off I ended up taking some frames in the room and threw them against the window and it broke them. My uncles and cousin got extremely pissed off at me. Calling me useless and yelling at me. Telling me that they told me where my mom was going and that I was useless and should be ashamed of depending on my mom and that I couldn't even put on my underwear.

I told them I was going to kill myself and my uncle just said to go and do it by a bus and not here at the house. I was pissed off as all hell. I was lied to and then they said all this horrible shit to me.

My mom keeps saying she won't give them any shit at all for what they said because they were mad about the window and I told her that doesn't make it ok. All my mom kept doing was pointing at the window and saying loon at what u did. The horrible shit they say was never justified.

My mom keeps defending them this whole time and tries to act like they didn't mean wut they said. Yet they never apologized or even told me they didnt mean it. They refuse to apologize and keep thinking they were justified. All these things my mom has done to me and I hate her even more.

I really want someone to tell my mom what they said wasn't justified and calling the cops on ur own son was extremely stupid

There’s a lot in my life i don’t like, iv struggled with weight and alcohol, iv had difficulty making friends and maintaining romantic relationships, I don’t have a career in the field i wanted out of high school or a good relationship with my overall decent parents, a lot of health problems especially post covid. I was a good student and athlete; not all As or a state champion but top 10% of my class and best SAT, went to state 3 years for track once for Xcountry. I looked at a really lot of schools eventually applied to 10. 4 were a reach and i ddnt get in. I was waitlisted at Reed, UW-Madison (out-of-state) and Holy Cross. Got into my safety schools, Seattle (first choice but financially impossible) Loyola Chicago (where i assumed i’d go and earn a track scholarship) and Hampshire (who offered the best package) My dad wanted me to go to LUC and my mom Hampshire, they decided they could only help pay for hampshire and so a went and experienced the culture shock of a life time. I can get over not running in the olympics or going to an Ivy. I can get over being single and not working in democratic campaigns. But i’m nearly thirty years old, still furious over my last year of high school, Why couldn’t i get in to Reed, UW or Holy Cross? Why could I go to Loyola-Chicago? I’m literally crying as i write this how do i move on?

I need the truth…the whole enedited truth. All of it. I’m better off checked out of reality until I can get it. I could drop thousands of more dollars, dig deeper and find out more if not every thing. But that required subpoenas and special permissions from these companies to access that information…and I assure you it can be done. It has been demonstrated to me at a high cost. that stuff cost a shit load of money…and I don’t see the point of doing that just so I can fully understand what took place.

That’s money I could use to provide for you while we’re going through this process. I was doing the right thing and providing what I could for you while I could. I was fine with it and I was doing better then mentally than I am now. What took place at the shop that day was before I knew ANYTHING and had not spoken with an attorney. I had some suspicions and gut feelings before that…long before that when your behaviors toward me started to change.

I noticed it but I never said anything…I felt like there was nothing I could do about it and I knew you wouldn’t tell me so I just allowed it hoping that I could get myself together and try to fix it. I had already forgiven you. I didn’t realize you had already pretty much made up your mind and had a plan ready to set in motion.

But when you made love to me and seeing you perfectly groomed and the things you were saying…that you were actually saying to yourself…pretty much let me know what was up. But that time with you…whether it was an act or not…made my heart flutter and filled me with hope that things could be salvaged and possibly fixed and that maybe forgiveness for EVERYTHING could be handed out all around. And you told me that day whether we could be together or not that my mental health was the most important thing to you. But then the things that were said in the days after that made me realize that it was deeper than I thought. And it sent me spiraling into a whirlwind of conflicted emotions and triggered the episode that I’m currently fighting…which has just kept escalating.

Then after talking to the first attorney and being given a warning about how much potential trouble I could be facing if that was in your plans…and not to respond to, talk to or go anywhere near you…no matter what you had to say…sent me spiraling even further and faster heading towards being completely out of control…and in desperate fear for my future and filled me with an out of control anxiety that became a rapid cycling mixed state sprinkled with EXTREME anxiety…in the middle of a turnaround where I was exhausted, out of my daily routine and not sleeping well…which just compounded everything even further into it.

Then in our second meeting she gave me what she had found and then I looked into it and it sent me COMPLETELY ever the edge…that’s when I hired the new one…and he set me up with his guy and after learning that and actually reading some things and seeing it with my own eyes…I had the worst panick attack I’ve ever experienced and left straight from his office and I checked myself into not so great mental health facility Memotial Day weekend…and I could tell right away it was not the place I needed to be…I’ll explain further if given the chance. But that was the night that texted you about it and you had your standard reply of not knowing what I was talking about and it made no sense to you. I checked myself out of there and tried to find another place to go but no beds were available. I found a place somewhere else and checked myself in there…but there was confusion at check in and they put me in a ward with the criminally insane who were court ordered to be there for extremely bad crimes and was more scared than I’ve ever been in my life…again I’ll explain further if given the chance. I had to get my attorney involved to get me out because of the confusion…they would not let me out.

I was in the darkest hours and days I’ve ever experienced in my life at this point but I tried to go back to work and simply could not function…the following Friday they laid me off with the opportunity to return once I got through this and got myself together.

So here I am…in literally the worst shape I’ve EVER been in my life…EVER. I have since been trying to solve a math equation without all the numbers…a puzzle without all the pieces. I need the truth son I can process it, deal with it and make peace within myself and move on. You said you want me to have the best shot at a future I can have…I want that too…whatever it is going to look like.

I see no point in trying to use any of this against you…it’s not like we have a multi million dollar estate to fight over. It’s clear that we’re over and will never be…you have made up your mind and moved on…that’s fine I’m okay with that.

I’ve seen this movie before…I was just a different character when it started…Now I’m the previous guy in the movie. You have obviously done to me what happened to him and you have a new ME. That’s okay. I’m begging you to just drop the mascarade and just drop the whole truth on me and punch me in the chin with it. I at least handle that and know what to do. I get dropped stand up and dust myself off and move forward without you. I cannot recover if you do not give me this grace. I will continue to stay checked out of reality at ALL COST…because I cannot face the reality of not knowing what the FULL REALITY IS.

I will forever walk around with my calculator trying to solve the unsolvable equation because I don’t have the numbers. At least in my current state there are moments of blissful unawareness of reality.

If you ever loved me and truly care for my mental well being and all the things you said…you will do that for me. Stop playing the game with the number one rule of deny deny deny. I am not the previous guy and can’t move out without it. I am not cold and unlike him I TRULY LOVE YOU…I cannot walk away and start over and find peace because I have you every part of me and trusted you with all my deepest fears and insecurities…and you gave them all to me times ten.

I know this is my fault…I failed you and did not fight my depression hard enough to love you how you needed me to…I know it and own it. YOU are the only one who can give me peace and a shot at a real future of any kind. I mean you know harm and swear I will never bother you again. If you find your way back I will be here. But until then allow my mind to rest so I can recover and rebuild my world and be the best ME that I can be please I’m begging you. I know you’re seeing this! I know it. PLEASE…

Hi everyone,
I'm curious, has anyone here ever heard of or used methods of healing from trauma that involve self-directed compassion? What modalities have you experienced/currently use that have worked for you?

I experienced a lot of childhood trauma and physical, mental, emotional and verbal abuse. I was in therapy for 10+years, and I've been on medication for a long time. About two years ago I discovered a healing modality that focuses on self-directed compassion. I was very skeptical at first as I'm sure most trauma survivors can relate, but I have to say, after being open to trying it it's now become my primary modality that I use everyday. It always helps me to feel better within myself and to be more compassionate and loving with myself, things seem to get better in my life from that place.
I decided to become a certified practitioner so that I could help people to open to their own warm, loving compassionate heart energy and learn how to heal themselves.
I'm fully aware that it may not work for everyone or be everyone's cup of tea, everyone has their thing. But it's really been the key that has helped me to transform my life.

It's been two and half years and I really don't know how to heal from it. We both created a shitty situation through repeated miscommunication and failure to communicate and it resulted in him abandoning me for a girl. We had issues in the past and had even separated for a short time but when he wanted to discuss things, I would. It hurt me deeply that he would deny me that same gesture. He abandoned me by leaving me a lengthy text message essentially blaming me for the entire situation and then cutting me off. This especially hurt because he promised me he wouldn't.

I take responsibility for my part in contributing to the situation and it's something I regret every day but there's literally nothing I can do about it. I couldn't even apologize for my mistakes.

I reached out earlier this year to see if he would have a conversation with me and he replied saying "I can't, I'm sorry" - I know this is not because he doesn't want to, but because he is still with that girl. She would not approve of us talking. She is the reason he abandoned me.

I just miss my friend. I think about them every day in some way or another. I am in a lot of pain and the pain is all I have left of him which I think makes it harder to let go... I am in therapy but this is one area I don't feel I have made any progress in.

I foolishly hope that one day he will reach out and I don't know how to kill that hope.

Hello Despite feeling very very crap and my brain telling me not to, I am hoping to find a supportive friend who is maybe in the same boat as me. I have severe depression and currently life isn't good, its very bad and has been that way for a while now. I'm pretty much alone. I don't have anyone to talk to, laugh with, cry with ect and I think that makes it worse. It would be good to meet someone to have regular supportive conversations. Constuctive advice, a listening ear, compassion. Ideally would be great if you are 27+ and maybe in a similar time zone (I'm UK) Not seeking a romantic partner. Hope to talk soon.

Since I know things around me ,I know I don't have anything like others, being born in the city I am lonely,I really don't have that much friends ,i closed my heart and I am treat myself like an extrovert between others try to start a conversation but deep down no one really want to friend with me ,because of my personality i don't know how to talk to others ,being extrovert around people hasn't change anything for me since now ,I am feel like i am missing an entire something through my life since now,like my mother was died in 6th grade summer holiday due to kidney failure but even in that situation others around me are crying but i don't know how to even react to that ,my father was rising me since then ,years pass by i don't even know who i am right now,after around 8th grade I am sent to other city lived in the school hostel where phones not allowed till 10th grade.I think that's where my life was changed drastically even though i am studied in boys only school but not one boys like to talk or join in their groups they're avoiding me right after due to my personality because i am like to talk to others so I am tried to be like extrovert mind person but no one cares,my concentration for studying starts degrading and since my mind not take any lectures even i like to focus ,I was writing my own with my general knowledge by reading the books by myself then pass till 10th grade ,then found the thing called smart phone which my father was introduce it to me ,i excited to see a touch phone like other small kids in that three years from 8th-10th grade i never used phone because I don't have phone I am started to search how to use it within the small period i found how use full it is and how bad it is and i go deep in that found so many things including porn sites and i never go to such sites but one of my friends write it down to me in a paper to search it on the browser,but since i don't know what that is i never opened that sites and it was fun using that smart phone the jio sim released at that time so 4g was started in India rapidly asked my father to buy me one he said if you finish high school i will buy you one so I am really excited, then and after 10th grade ,I moved to another city and start my high school at another boys only school and there also hostel I think life was better there also but nothing changed,finished ,the covid-19 in 2019 september i think,has started my after early 12th grade my life has seen worse ,I started living in my home doing almost nothing I gained weight and have a smartphone which was meant to be bought by my father for the online class,then my life is meaningless at this point,Having a smart phone in my hand I found many things ,so I set my goal to be a software developer and try to focus on studying but my concentration cannot give space to the things that meant to studying,like i had a goal but that goal is never been completed due to my non focus mind and i started to play games and games that my only concentration at that time was playing games in mobile after so much playing in games i started to feel i am missing something again i try to find a purpose i tried some Youtube channel upload some videos and try other things that interest me but found nothing ,the finished high school,try to join some engineering colleges but my father said not have money for that so i choose BCA stream,then there also I don't have any friends i become more introverted and close my heart unlike other departments who have girls as half strength ,my department is unlucky we only have boys in the full deparment,well I studied in the boys only environment so this is not new to me ,I found this thing called anime due to some accidental searches in the web ,then i started watching that anime's which was give peace to my mind my first anime was "valkyrie drive : mermaid "I think , then i started interest in japan and their culture so set my goal as when i became 30 ,I am like to be in japan ,after all that goal settings my mind cannot change the perpective my learning curve since 2019,I am stuck in the 2019 ,then the three years went by so fast than my life ,I cleared all semesters without any arrears with my general knowledge and my interest in coding .But now after may 2024 ,I am here as a unemployed son who has no purpose in life wasting his time in front of the laptop all the time(In the perspective of my dad),at this point where my mental stage starts to collapse i started yelling at my father whenever he call me ,there is word fights between my father for hours,i feel guilty about my words that i told towards my father who has raised me but my mouth cannot stop when he annoyed by me and start yelling at me ,whenever this fight between me and my dad happened I am blame the god without reason,but all i am worship the god whatever religion the god is all I am praying this one word "please protect my family,if anything bad occured to them give it to me i take it don't hurt them " this is the only chant from my college years ,i gave up on god because I don't know when i prayed him by from the heart from the last years I am tried to go upto 50+ companies in the last couple months but none of them hired me due to they expect experience even though graduated this year,i don't what to do in my life,like to learn new things have courses on udemy that teach me new things ,but my mind try to avoid it even i try to focus on one lecture I know python,java,c/c++ basics but no one hired e because they want two years experience at least in the IT industry ,it seems that i have no purpose in my life,everyday i woke up and listening my dad trash talk about me to my family members and other neighbors ,2025 is about to start i try to change me but my mind cannot change ,I have 0 rupees in my bank account ,I already wasted so much money just to find jobs i go to companies ask them if they have any openings even its embarrassing to others,I go to cities try to get a job but none worked now my life is at risk if i stay in my house anymore i hurt my father feelings more and more but i moved i have no money in my hands to move this is the situation where i am start to think whether to live or not .its been 5 years since 2019 even though i became an adult i don't even know half of what my father have in his mind,I am just like a kid try to enjoy but deep down there is no enjoyment i found as enjoyment,help me somebody for this no purpose man

Hi all,

I had a bout of pretty severe depression that lasted a few years, and I'm finally starting to feel normal again. I can think clearly for the most part. I want to be happy and I want to live a productive life. However, I have noticed that my motivation and mental acuity are not what they used to be... I can't seem to establish a daily routine. I can't remember anything, I double-book myself because I can't keep track of my schedule, I have trouble prioritizing and making plans to get things accomplished, I have trouble finishing simple household tasks, etc. To clarify, these were not issues before I became depressed.

I'm guessing that after years of being in survival mode, my brain isn't used to functioning in a way that's actually productive. I had become okay with just getting by, but now I want to grow and actually make something of myself. Has anyone else felt this way? Do you have any advice on assimilating back to a normal life, establishing a routine and becoming more disciplined?

Thanks in advance ♥

My mom would always allow my sister to make fun of me everytime when we were younger. I would tell my mom everytime that I hated her doing it but my mom would always make excuses for my sister saying it's just a joke. Inwould always punch my sister for the shit thay she said to me and my mom would always say I have anger issues because of it. But even when I did just make of her back my mom would give me shit for it. I could never come up with a clever comeback at all and it always pissed me off. I hated how my mom would always excuse what my sister said even it she thinks it's just a joke.

I hate how my mom always seem to go out of her way to help out my sister. One time when we were kids I begged my mom for months to get me a ps3 but she kept telling me that we didn't have any money. But then one day my mom bought my sister a $600 camera for my sister just because she asked her. I was extremely pissed off because she just asked her once and she bought it for her. My sister even told me that my mom always had money she just always told me that we didn't have it so that it'd get me to stop. My sister even said that my mom had no real authority so that she could do whatever she wanted.

What annoyed me one time was that back in 2022 I was only working part time and still going to school. I wasn't even making that much for anything. My sister always goes on trips all the time because her boyfriend pays for it. My sister would always give me shit for this whenever I complained about it saying oh just save money. Well I'm not making much and u have someone paying for u.

One time I asked my mom to help for for a ps5 because I was only working part time and I needed more money. But on that day when she came home she kept saying she didn't have it. And she kept letting my sister but in the whole time. My sister kept saying oh she pays for your car shut the hell up. She them said go live on ur own and get out of here. And I couldn't take it. I know that my mom also helped pay for my sister's car and also gave her money whenever she wanted.

I couldn't control myself when my sister said all those horrible things and then I grabbed the vacuum and I best her up with it. And I don't regret any of it I don't care how that sounds. She said the most retarded shit to me and she always gets away with it and my mom always allows it and because I don't react calmly to it my mom says I have anger issues. A half hr later she calls the cops on me. They handcuffed me and my mom didn't even tell them what my sister said she just said it was the ps5 the whole time and that I have anger issues. I didn't even tell the cop the whole truth because they handcuffed me. I hate my mom for this and I always will. I hate how she made my sister seem like the victim when she fucking said all those horrible things and expected me to just take it all like she always does.

Time afterwards I would beat up my mom for what she had done. And again I don't care how that sounds. She tried to minimize what she had done and act like I should get over it. She always minimizes the dumb shit that she puts me thru.

In December of 2023 we went to a trip thru the Philippines. For a year we were talking about this trip and I would always tell my mom not to let this trip end up with us barely doing anything like the past few times we went there. And again like she always does she kept promising that my relatives had an itinerary and that they had a lot planned for us.

But then one day my mom says that they were going on a trip to a springs. I was told that they were going to the store and that they'd be back soon. I waited for hours and them nothing. I had told my mom before we had to do something and not waste anymore time doing nothing this whole trip. We had done a whole 8 hr car ride for nothing just to meet my uncl3s fiancé's family and we didn't even get to actually meet them.

When my uncle arrived he told me that my mom and aunt were at the springs even tho they had told me they were going to come back. I told him I wasnt told anything and then he just laughed. I got extremely pissed off.

I got so pissed off I ended up taking some frames in the room and threw them against the window and it broke them. My uncles and cousin got extremely pissed off at me. Calling me useless and yelling at me. Telling me that they told me where my mom was going and that I was useless and should be ashamed of depending on my mom and that I couldn't even put on my underwear.

I told them I was going to kill myself and my uncle just said to go and do it by a bus and not here at the house. I was pissed off as all hell. I was lied to and then they said all this horrible shit to me.

My mom keeps saying she won't give them any shit at all for what they said because they were mad about the window and I told her that doesn't make it ok. All my mom kept doing was pointing at the window and saying loon at what u did. The horrible shit they say was never justified.

My mom keeps defending them this whole time and tries to act like they didn't mean wut they said. Yet they never apologized or even told me they didnt mean it. They refuse to apologize and keep thinking they were justified. All these things my mom has done to me and I hate her even more.

I really want someone to tell my mom what they said wasn't justified and calling the cops on ur own son was extremely stupid.

i don't even know where to start. i was rooming with 3 other girls this year and 2 of them were my friends while the other girl, well, i've talked to her here and there. let's call em Girl A, Girl B and Girl C. so Girl A and B have a room together while I'm rooming with Girl C. she was honestly a terrible roommate and the others expressed how much they didn't like her to me on multiple occasions. Girl C would have her bf over everyday and none of us were comfortable with it. Girl B even expressed that to her and she blatantly ignored it. she'd never wash her dishes or throw away her leftovers. she has also mishandled the cat we adopted a few times because her bf is scared of animals. after a few months I was finally reaching my limits so I kept trying to get Girl A and B to talk to Girl C with me bout all these but smth would always come up. either one of them is in an argument with their significant other or they're too tired from college. they kept delaying it and there was only so much I could take. i mean we've been planning for months to talk to her but no one tried to take the initiative so I tried but they literally wouldn't talk. during my 6 month anniversary, i wanted to have a sleepover with my bf but Girl C wasn't gonna go back to her home so I asked if she could take the bed we have in the living room or smth, whatever she found comfortable, i jus needed our room for the night. she agreed. when it was her 3 month anniversary, her bf surprised her in the middle of the night. the next day they took about 3 hours to get ready for their date so I couldn't do my biology notes and when they came back that night they slept in the living room together. on the THIRD day she asked me if she could have the room for her 3 month anniversary, i told her I have a lot of work to do and I was pretty upset at the time because I was starting to get sick of everyone's bullshit. she told me I should be more considerate. this is where I lost it. all this time I've been making compromises, being considerate towards her. heck that's what everyone in the house has been doin. and she has the audacity to tell me to be considerate. i slammed the door shut and locked it. she started banging on the door and screaming. it made me more angry the noise of the door and her screaming bloody murder, idk smth took over me. we started fighting over text and then Girl A knocked on the door and asked me to open the door. i grabbed my box cutter not because I wanted to harm anyone but to keep Girl C away. im 4'11 and underweight while she's bout 5'smth. if she got anywhere near me I knew I'd try to punch her cause I was losing control of all the anger ive held in for months. so I didn't want her comin anywhere near me. she started screaming again. we had a yelling match, i threw the box cutter away. i said some mean things but she told me to k-word myself cause "you've already done it once so do it again". that hurt. a lot. she didn't sleep at the apartment for 3 days. i split on Girl A and B few days later. posting stories bout how they're fake and demeaning them. i went to their class and cussed them out in front of everyone. fast forward to when I finally came back to the apartment. i brought a friend who I felt safe with along. we all hung out and talked like we usually do. i knew something was up. once the friend left they all gathered and told me they need to tell me smth. i sincerely apologised for everything I did. i expressed my remorse I told em im willing to do anything. Girl A and B said they're ready to give me a second chance but Girl C doesn't. Girl C told me she wants me to move out or else she'll take me to court. in that moment I felt everything fall apart. i tried to od that day. my parents came and tried to reconcile us. they apologised. i apologised. i thought we were all fine although what I did was eating me up I tried moving on cause it seemed like they were doing the same. I decided to take a year off cause my anxiety and depression were getting really bad. i told Girl C bout it and that night she gathered Girl A and B. they called my parents and told em they want me out immediately and that they've been planning this for weeks, ever since what did. i felt my world shatter. i trusted Girl A and B. i was close to them. i spoke so highly of them. i never thought they'd take Girl C's side. especially considering their own history of suicide and substance abuse within the apartment. i felt betrayed. i was terrified to go back to my parents' home cause I hate my parents. i hate being around them. i moved back. i didnt eat much or sleep much for about 2 weeks cause I constantly had nightmares bout the situation and I jus couldn't take it. i wanted to od again. im currently at my parents' place. i feel extremely guilty for what I did but I'm also angry bout what they did. i don't know how to move on. ive cut off all my friends. all I have is my bf and ive been horrible to him. im not a good person and idk what to do. i can't work on myself at my parents' place. it's stressful being around them, especially my dad because he used to abuse me and my mom. i can't move out cause we don't have the money to. i want to get out of here as soon as possible cause I have less than 9 months left. therapy hasn't been helpin me much. i feel so lost and alone. i can't make friends. i have nowhere to go. i want to erase my past and disappear. i don't want to die but I don't want to live this life anymore. i don't want to live as me anymore. im guilty and I must be punished. at least that's what I feel. i feel like I deserve to be persecuted for all the sins I've committed. I've lost so much. i don't mind losing myself too.

For some context, I was in a friend group since I was in middle school and I wasn't until last year in the beginning of my senior year in high school. All because I got into a pretty heated argument with the "leader" of the group, who I knew since I was like 9, I knew him longer and closer than everyone else and he was a childhood friend of mine. He had most of the people in the friend group delve into drug use, I hate to say it, but I did join them regularly, and while I did have a great time with everyone, it kept getting in the way of school, productivity and filling my brain with fog.

I tried to quit many times, and while they knew I was struggling, still offered and pressured me when I asked them not to. I didn't want to do that anymore, and start focusing on my future, my current girlfriend, family relationships and building new skills. It was my senior year after all. The way that friend group works is when the "leader" just doesn't like or disagrees someone, that means everyone else shouldnt either. I was friends and eventually in a relationship with someone he didn't like, and that was the cause of the argument. I don't want to say exactly why he didn't like her, because it's extremely serious.

After this argument, I was shunned by everyone, unfriended/unfollowed on almost every platform, lies were made about me, accusations were made against me in school, and I was immediately replaced by my most recent ex (apparently some of them had contact with her.) and her and I assume another person in the group kept harassing me and my current girlfriend online, and still happens occasionally. And getting messages from anonymous accounts saying they miss me. It's made me very angry with them because of those things and it's been about a year since that argument, but he isn't really the focus.

After Processing and getting through everything, nearly a year sober now. A friend of that group recently texted me, just asking me about a video game. I haven't texted him back, but he's not a bad person, he's not very confrontational, he keeps to himself, he was one of the few people that didn't pressure me, and he's never really busy, he mainly plays games. I kept quiet contact with him until December of last year and I never left on bad terms with him, but we aren't very close, but I know for sure he wouldn't be the people that harassed or threatened me. It's been almost 10 months since we spoke, I never expected him to come back. I have no idea what to do, I don't want cause him problems, and I also don't want to go back to that group, or be taken advantage of. My girlfriend suggested it could be okay to text back. But we're not sure since both of our experiences since I left the group. And it's been so long, we graduated, I'm currently trying to get a career in the tech industry, and I'm in a way better place than I was a year ago.

This was a place I just kinda wanted to rant, so thanks for that, and I also do want suggestions.

Tldr: refer to title

Hey guys,

I’m not really sure how to explain my situation, so I’ll most likely ramble a little, perhaps I just need to vent.

I’ve been dealing with a horrible boss, and it’s really taking its toll on me. I’m not sure how I should proceed, or if it’s even with staying with his company. I work sales/service for a company that requires me to travel a lot to visit customers. I’m on the road 90% of the time, at least for the last 4 months now. Before that it was on and off, where I would spend the remainder of my time looking for new work at home/online.

He’s always had this asinine mentality for what’s expected of me, and it seems like I’m expected to read his mind more often than not. I’m sure many bosses are like this, and I’ve had my fair share before this job as well. This just seems to be taking a huge toll on me physically and mentally. It’s draining, and causes me to feel so stressed that sometimes I’m shaking. I constantly feel overwhelmed, and I’ve thought about quitting many many times now. Of course, I need the money, and without having something else lined up I can’t afford to just quit. Although the idea of being broke is honestly sounding more appealing than dealing with his sorry ass as times go by.

How is he a dick? Where do I even begin. He seems to expect me to just know what he wants without communicating it to me, when he does communicate his intentions for me, it’s in a backhanded/rude/aggressive manner and he constantly talks down to me. He’s explained how I’m not to assume anything and just ask for clarification if necessary, yet anytime I’ve asked for he’s turned around and told me that I should have been able to put two and two together. When I assume what he wants, he turns around and says not to assume and that I should just ask… notice a pattern?

Nothing I do is right, or good enough. He’s like your father who is never satisfied, as if you get an A in class, and he complains you didn’t get an A+. I can understand the mentality of the tough love if trying to improve my skills, or teach me something but this is far from that and it seems more like he’s taking out his miserable life problems on me when he has the chance.

If I write an email showing how I’m showing initiative by trying to find more prospects, he always finds something wrong, be it a typo in my email to him(not a customer) or criticizing the way I communicate with customers. Mind you I was hired as someone who is more youthful and can connect and communicate with the younger generations better than him or his partner, yet any of my ideas or suggestions are criticized for wasting time or not getting to the point.

I offer ways to save money and time, and I’m told not to worry about that stuff and just do as I’m told, yet he has, on more than one occasion caused us to waste money by not taking my advice that I’ve already taken the time to explain. Anytime i suggest something I feel like he considers me a peon, and lime I’m wasting his valuable brain power just by even speaking about it.

I’ve been expected to work overtime and on weekends with no compensation, and when I’ve brought it up he’s threatened to fire me claiming I’m in breach of contract by not getting him the results he expects (totally different than what my contract stipulated my duties were.)

My goodness… I just scrolled up and realized the story I’ve written… I don’t even feel like I’ve gotten it all out. If you made it this far then thank you for listening, even being able to vent like this makes me feel lighter. I could go on, but I feel like I’ve said enough at this point. Anyway, if you have any suggestions for how to better manage my stress I’m all ears! I know you have to deal with life in moderation, but sometimes it’s extremely hard to separate work from personal life and I feel like I never stop. If he’s rude, I feel like it just sits with me all day/week.

TL;DR My boss is an absolute prick most times, and I’m at my wits end. I’d love some advice for how to proceed, make things a little less overbearing however I can.

My feelings in my greiving process can be like a roller coaster, like waves, happy for a few moments, then sad for a few moments.

Just like I know the sadness will come back, hopefully getting less and less with time, I know the happiness will come back too.

Yesterday I struggled with my emotions, I cried a lot and felt a wreck. But today Im feeling more optimistic. My future is waiting for me, there are tons of amazing experiences that have yet to happen for me still.

Im excited about the things I dont know yet, the people Im going to meet, the beautiful nights and days I will have, The things I will learn, and the stronger person I will become.

Right now, in this moment, I am excited for the future. Bracing myself for the ups and downs. Meditating, listening to youtubers I like (currently Dry Creek Wrangler School helps me calm down)

How can I get over the fact I will never have a friend or dare or relationship or enjoy anything in life all because of my genetics?

My mom would always allow my sister to make fun of me everytime when we were younger. I would tell my mom everytime that I hated her doing it but my mom would always make excuses for my sister saying it's just a joke. Inwould always punch my sister for the shit thay she said to me and my mom would always say I have anger issues because of it. But even when I did just make of her back my mom would give me shit for it. I could never come up with a clever comeback at all and it always pissed me off. I hated how my mom would always excuse what my sister said even it she thinks it's just a joke.

I hate how my mom always seem to go out of her way to help out my sister. One time when we were kids I begged my mom for months to get me a ps3 but she kept telling me that we didn't have any money. But then one day my mom bought my sister a $600 camera for my sister just because she asked her. I was extremely pissed off because she just asked her once and she bought it for her. My sister even told me that my mom always had money she just always told me that we didn't have it so that it'd get me to stop. My sister even said that my mom had no real authority so that she could do whatever she wanted.

What annoyed me one time was that back in 2022 I was only working part time and still going to school. I wasn't even making that much for anything. My sister always goes on trips all the time because her boyfriend pays for it. My sister would always give me shit for this whenever I complained about it saying oh just save money. Well I'm not making much and u have someone paying for u.

One time I asked my mom to help for for a ps5 because I was only working part time and I needed more money. But on that day when she came home she kept saying she didn't have it. And she kept letting my sister but in the whole time. My sister kept saying oh she pays for your car shut the hell up. She them said go live on ur own and get out of here. And I couldn't take it. I know that my mom also helped pay for my sister's car and also gave her money whenever she wanted.

I couldn't control myself when my sister said all those horrible things and then I grabbed the vacuum and I best her up with it. And I don't regret any of it I don't care how that sounds. She said the most retarded shit to me and she always gets away with it and my mom always allows it and because I don't react calmly to it my mom says I have anger issues. A half hr later she calls the cops on me. They handcuffed me and my mom didn't even tell them what my sister said she just said it was the ps5 the whole time and that I have anger issues. I didn't even tell the cop the whole truth because they handcuffed me. I hate my mom for this and I always will. I hate how she made my sister seem like the victim when she fucking said all those horrible things and expected me to just take it all like she always does.

Time afterwards I would beat up my mom for what she had done. And again I don't care how that sounds. She tried to minimize what she had done and act like I should get over it. She always minimizes the dumb shit that she puts me thru.

In December of 2023 we went to a trip thru the Philippines. For a year we were talking about this trip and I would always tell my mom not to let this trip end up with us barely doing anything like the past few times we went there. And again like she always does she kept promising that my relatives had an itinerary and that they had a lot planned for us.

But then one day my mom says that they were going on a trip to a springs. I was told that they were going to the store and that they'd be back soon. I waited for hours and them nothing. I had told my mom before we had to do something and not waste anymore time doing nothing this whole trip. We had done a whole 8 hr car ride for nothing just to meet my uncl3s fiancé's family and we didn't even get to actually meet them.

When my uncle arrived he told me that my mom and aunt were at the springs even tho they had told me they were going to come back. I told him I wasnt told anything and then he just laughed. I got extremely pissed off.

I got so pissed off I ended up taking some frames in the room and threw them against the window and it broke them. My uncles and cousin got extremely pissed off at me. Calling me useless and yelling at me. Telling me that they told me where my mom was going and that I was useless and should be ashamed of depending on my mom and that I couldn't even put on my underwear.

I told them I was going to kill myself and my uncle just said to go and do it by a bus and not here at the house. I was pissed off as all hell. I was lied to and then they said all this horrible shit to me.

My mom keeps saying she won't give them any shit at all for what they said because they were mad about the window and I told her that doesn't make it ok. All my mom kept doing was pointing at the window and saying loon at what u did. The horrible shit they say was never justified.

My mom keeps defending them this whole time and tries to act like they didn't mean wut they said. Yet they never apologized or even told me they didnt mean it. They refuse to apologize and keep thinking they were justified. All these things my mom has done to me and I hate her even more.

I really want someone to tell my mom what they said wasn't justified and calling the cops on ur own son was extremely stupid.

I am a 22 year old (gay) who recently located to an entirely different area of the country for a grad program. I moved here about two months ago. Immediately upon moving out here, I found this man who was caring, kind, sweet, and excited to show me his city (24y/o, gay). It was really charming.

These past two months have been magical. He truly calibrated me in this new place. He checked just about every box in terms of qualities that I seek in partners. I was already terrified and depressed about leaving the state I was born and raised in so his support made something very scary wayyyyy easier.

He took me in the most romantic date I’ve ever been on (on top of a literal mountain). Needless to say he has left an imprint on me. Because the length of our relationship was still relatively short, we had yet to label it though it was very clear I am monogamy minded. He made me believe he intended upon that too, saying things like “you’re mine,” and “i only think about you.” I had every intention of dating him and he knew this. He’s even said “I don’t feel single” to my agreement.

The past week and a half he has been away on a family trip. This past weekend I realized that his social media presence was inconsistent with him telling me good night, or telling me he’s too tired to facetime. So I become suspicious and just decide to trust my gut. I download [insert most popular gay hookup app that starts with a G] and set the explore location to where he’s on vacation.

Of course, he’s the first profile and he’s looking for “safe, casual fun”. The sight of the profile just absolutely shattered my soul into a billion microscopic shards. To make matters worse, one of the photos on the profile was a photo i took of him on that mountain date. I have never felt this blatantly disregarded by a partner in my entire life.

Naively I mourn what could’ve been, as it felt like we were just getting started. I’ve never been in love, I’ve never had a successful relationship, so to be on the cusp of something I thought would’ve been beautiful just for it to explode in my face feels horrific.

The timing is also atrocious. I found out this news the weekend before I started my grad program, so this week has been excruciatingly painful balancing the intense course load with sensations of grief and betrayal and heartbreak. What I’ve worked toward for years is now being overshadowed by utter despair. I’ve been completing my work because I have absolutely zero choice but the stress of these life events is really getting to me.

I have yet to find a support system in this new city I barely know, and it doesn’t help that he showed me this place so everything reminds me of him. I feel very alone, and it doesn’t help this is the first time I’ve lived alone. This city has very specific landmarks and it is impossible to ignore the things he’s shown me and not associate them with him. I can see the mountain we were on from my bedroom window for christ’s sake.

I just want to stop hurting. I understand he is out of the picture now (at least in terms of love). Maybe in a couple of months we could develop a platonic friendship because I still do enjoy him as a person, but I desperately need to heal and don’t know how. I’m not sure if the internet will have any answers but I need to move on and close this chapter. Today is just as painful as when I found out six days ago.

I’ve been making friends in some regard in my grad program but it feels inappropriate to lean on people I just met for breakup support.

I'm in a new place now, along my healing journey. I am able to work full time and have held this current job for 4 years now. I am a mother, a wife, an adult human who -- for the most part -- can hold their life together relatively well.

It's jarring to enter this stage.

From ages 14 - 27, I struggled severely. I spent nearly 10 years on disability.

I've made several serious attempts on my life, through the pitfalls of severe mental illness, and spent months of my life in psychiatric hospitals, smothered in prescription medications.

I have fought intensely to attain adequate care for the chronic physical illnesses that I live with, often educating doctors along the way, until finding doctors who could actually educate me.

I even survived a serious car accident -- a head on collision, which broke my spine and left me swirling through the trenches of addiction. In the same year, went through bankruptcy, experienced the death of 6 dear friends, and also my father. It still breaks my heart to know that the last time I saw my dad was during one the darkest phases of my life.

Now, here I am, nearly 31.

Clean of substances as well as any self-harming bevahiour. I've since accomplished some significant goals. When I first went on disability, I was devastated and made it my goal to, one day, no longer qualify. I was overjoyed the day that I achieved that, 4 years ago. I've also now lived almost 5 years with no psychiatric medications in my body. I've even managed to reduce my one remaining prescription to almost half the dosage I was initially put on.

Of course, I still have my battles. I still live with my mental illnesses, and my chronic pain -- both pre and post car accident. I still experience flashbacks daily, and panic attacks often, but I am able to go through them with little impact on my ability function.

Today, I will be beginning my journey to determine whether or not I need surgery for my frequently dislocating joints. I've become a strong advocate for myself in the face of medical procedures, and so the deliberation and consultations with specialists is soon going to increase as I gather the information to find the best path forward.

It astounds me, to look back at all the moments that I have somehow survived. Even moreso to look at myself now.

I am greatly respected in my work and home life. I am a role model for many of my friends, who look to me for hope and resilience to keep going along their own paths.

I hear regularly that I am an amazing mom to my 2 year old. It means so much to me whenever I hear it. Especially knowing how hard I have fought to be the me that I am today, and how much I put into being the best mother that I can be as I guide my little one through the beginning of their life.

Today, no one would guess what I have lived through when they look at me or interact with me.

It is a strange stage to be in, to uphold all that I have worked to achieve, while still holding space for all the pains that I patiently balance.

It is not easy. It is an active practice every day. But it is a very worthy practice. I am so grateful that I have made it to where I am.

I don't know how to eloquently finish this off, so thank you for reading, to those who did.

May you find your you -- may you find your peace.

Last week was hard. I can't explain why. I started a new job. I make really good money. I have job security and benefits. I am dating my dream woman. I am going to college cost free. Literally everything is going my way.

Yet I still feel broken. I couldn't help but feel anxious and depressed all week until I broke down completely in my car. Unlike other breakdowns and crying fits I've had, this one didn't come with some kind of relief.

I hate my job. I feel like I'm not doing enough for my amazing girlfriend.

I'm looking into other jobs. Looking into alternatives for affording being alive. I'm supposed to be up in 5 hours for a job I have no desire to go to. I can't stand going to a warehouse anymore.

I just want to feel normal again. I want to be able to commit to plans I make. I want to be able to go on dates with my girlfriend. To hang out with my people.

I saw my mom outside of work for the first time in almost 8 months yesterday. It only solidified that I'm prioritizing money over happiness.

Sorry for the rant. Just needed to air this somewhere without burdening people who have to hear about my rapidly declining state on a regular basis.

I (16F) met my ex online. My friend who lives in the Netherlands showed me his friend’s Instagram account. The guy he showed me (17M) is also a car photographer and I like that (bc I like cars). I was too scared to text him at first, but he was so handsome that I wanted him to be mine. Eventually, I worked up the courage to text him, and although we didn't talk much initially, we gradually started connecting and talked every day.

We got into a relationship because we thought we'd meet in a few months since my family was planning to go to Belgium. But instead of a few months, it ended up taking nine months to see each other. We constantly fought because we were frustrated about not being able to meet. I was the only one who told my parents about him, and he didn’t tell his parents, so he had to hide our relationship. He sometimes, all the time actually, was spending time with his parents, he was watching a movie with them, or something else. It kinda bothered me bc he didnt have tims with me as much as he did before.

The day we finally met in Belgium was amazing. We met near a car museum, and when we saw each other, we hugged tightly. I loved him so much. We spent the entire day together (with my parents, of course), not even separating for a moment. I thought that meeting in person would strengthen our bond and that we would never break up. I told him how I felt, and he tried to make time for us to at least talk after everything else.

About a week after we met in Belgium, everything was perfect. He kept telling me how much he missed me, and I kept telling him how much I loved him.

But as time passed, things changed. By December, I started learning to ice skate and met some friends at the rink who helped me get really good at it. He started talking to me less, and I know I was spending a lot of time practicing, but he didn’t seem to understand. He began to avoid me and didn't keep his promises. He would say he’d call me before midnight but would come home at 2 AM, expecting me to wait up for him. We fought every single day, and no matter how many times I told him how I felt, nothing changed. He accused me of not having time for him, even though I constantly asked if I should stay home to talk, and he always said he was busy.

We went off and on for two more months until February, when we finally broke up for good. I cried so much, couldn't eat or sleep, and kept hoping he would call me. We talked every couple of months after that because I missed him, and he said he missed me too. We wished each other happy birthday in May, but it was cold and distant. Now it’s August. I texted him, suggesting we talk to see where things stood, and we ended up having a great conversation, laughing and feeling like we were falling for each other again. He told me he’d been going on a lot of dates but hadn’t found the right girl yet, adding, "I still think you’re the one." The next day, I texted him again, but he was dry and distant, and we ended up fighting again. It seemed like he didn’t care at all, and maybe he never did.

I know I’m not perfect, but I was trying to move on. If you’re wondering why I feel guilty, it’s because I got a new boyfriend in March, just before I turned 17. I was honest with him about texting my ex, and I assured him that I wouldn’t get back with my ex or cheat on him. I even showed him our conversations if he asked. After that two-day reconnection with my ex, my boyfriend got sad and jealous, which I understood. I told him I wasn’t sure if I still had feelings for my ex, and that I needed to sort it out. I promised him I wouldn’t text my ex again after that.

I sent my ex a text asking if we could talk because I needed his help. He took 30 minutes to respond with just, "What?" I was hurt because it felt like he didn’t care. I told him it was important, but he acted like it wasn’t. After a couple of hours, he finally responded, saying he was watching a movie with his parents. I replied, "Never mind, I got my answer," and that was the last time I texted him. It hurt me deeply. Every guy I’ve talked to before has always come back to me a couple of months later, but now I’m the one doing that to a guy.

My boyfriend and I broke up because he told me he had started losing feelings even before I talked to my ex. He said he was trying to fight it, but the day we broke up, he told his friend, "This is the last day I’m going to try." When I suggested we break up, he happily agreed but cried afterward. We’re still good friends.

What bothers me most is that I’m still crying over memories with my ex and not over the breakup with my boyfriend… Why is that? Please tell me if someone is feeling the same way I am.. I wanna know why..

I've been at the company I work for 2 years now, and I've slowly come to hate it starting from the six month mark.

I had convinced myself it was the position, and so applied for an Apprenticeship within the same company to keep the benefits and schedule.

After only 2 days, I feel worse than I have felt in months, if not years. I'm getting very little sleep and very poor sleep, to a degree that it is effecting my mood and alertness, which actually matters because there are a lot of hazards in this job and this company.

I do not know what to do. I keep fantasizing about veering off the road to and from work, just to avoid more time spent in that factory.

I'm almost as terrified of leaving as I am of staying. I worry I'm having a bad mood swing, and that is negatively impacting my decision making skills, but I have no idea. Nothing feels right. I feel unhappy all times of the day except for when I'm talking to or with my girlfriend. I feel broken, lost, and confused.

Does anyone have any advice? Should I stay for a month or two and see if it's the orientation/new job feeling (I typically feel optimistic when starting a new job, but currently feel pessimistic), or should I just try to get out?

Hi! Because of my severe depression I find it hard to do basic things, especially related to hygiene. The worst I’d say is brushing my teeth. I just hate having to do things in general, but this is just really annoying because it’s a small thing that I must do every single day. Honestly I don’t have hopes of doing it 2x per day like I did for a while in the past, just once in the evening is enough for me. Or even every other day would be fine since as of now I didn’t do it in weeks and I’m starting to have some pain. I already got plenty of cavities and bad genetics so my future is not looking too bright teeth-wise. The only thing that I do every single day (that I didn’t enjoy at first, but made a habit at roughly the same time everyday) is doing some wrist exercises because otherwise I wouldn’t be able to game much. I made that part of my routine and I usually watch a youtube video while doing it. But how to make brushing my teeth more bearable? I got an electric toothbrush which makes things easier, but it’s still really annoying even if it literally takes 2 minutes. Any recommendations would be appreciated, except "just do it". It sadly doesn’t work like that. Thank you!

I sat here for a while, and debated on posting this. I guess I just really needed to vent more than anything rather than keeping it inside.

I’m 30F, my birthday was a few weeks ago and I genuinely never thought I’d make it this far. It’s been what feels like an incredibly long life of trauma, starting back when I was a kid.

I first tried committing suicide when I was 12, and it’s incredibly difficult coming to terms with the fact that I’m still fighting to live all these years later.

My depression feels different now, though, in a way that really scares me. I’m getting more comfortable with the thought of dying. It sounds crazy, but it if my cat weren’t here, I genuinely don’t think I’d be sitting here. Everything just feels more dull, more bland…I’m tired; mentally and physically.

It feels I’m just living in my head 24/7…reading, listening to music, daydreaming about people, things, and places I can’t have. I have no friends or anyone genuine I feel I can trust, I think i’m the worst I’ve ever looked…it feels like I have no energy.

I’ve been trying my best to work hard on my goals and things I want to make happen, but I’ve faced constant roadblocks and disappointments along the way. It’s tiring.

Me turning 30 was a huge boogeyman moment, because I didn’t think I’d make it this far and I also definitely thought I’d be a in a different place altogether by now. Maybe engaged, being a new mom, out of my home state, away from my family, etc.

I decided to make a drastic decision in terms of my treatment and started ECT (Electroconvulsive therapy), and yesterday marked a month since I started.

I did feel some initial boost, but I think it was due to the Ketamine as apart of my anesthetic. Otherwise, I haven’t noticed any changes. We even switched to bilateral placement this week after I asked, which is supposed to be a lot more effective (although with some scary potential side effects), but I’m not feeling anything. Although, I’m thankful to have an amazing treatment team I’m working with.

I don’t know. This has been a huge last effort thing for me and I’m genuinely scared I won’t make it, but at the same time, I’m beginning to feel okay with it, which is so bizarre.

Not really sure where I’m going with this, I guess I just wanted to vent and feel seen. I hate wallowing, but it’s just been such a long, long journey and I’m exhausted. I feel like I’ve lost out on so much of life and various moments because of this.

I’m going to keep on with my treatments and see what happens. I can’t see it, but here’s hoping there’s a light still at the end of the tunnel for me.