I've been feeling a lot of existential dread lately because well I'm going through a changing part of my life because I'm going to Uni and turning 18 soon which is crazy to me because I didn't expect it to come this quickly then I've just been thinking about the future and when I die.

And like I get it enjoy your life and all but I can't help but just thinking about it and it doesn't help knowing that at the end the universe will just die and become an empty abyss before I'd think about getting reincarnated in another conscious being on another planet or in the same planet but knowing that the universe just ends means that at some point I wont be able to reincarnate anymore. Like I know how to deal with the sun dying we just move to another planet and so my consciousness will move to that other planet but when life dies and the universe ends where does it go?

I like the idea of Roger Penrose's theory of CCC meaning that the universe is infinite and basically is ever scaling and ever rebirthing itself but even still there isn't much evidence to support its legitimacy.

So why am I obsessed about being reincarnated? Well, its because I like the idea of life and living it again going through childhood learning things and just doing it over and over again and just re-experiencing life. Like you don't know anything about your past life but you experience life again and again and its not the same life again but just you experiencing life again (if you get what I mean) idk I just find it comforting.

However, knowing that after death there may be nothingness for all eternity idk I cant live with that and I cant live without having answers to what happens after death because we just don't know and I've all ways comforted myself by basically telling myself that this isn't real or that I can do this and that to change something I'm not happy about and usually I'll have facts to support it but when it comes to death I Just can't bear it because there is no answers and the answers are infinite and almost all of them contradict each other

Tbh now I just want to forget about it and move on and continue to be happy but I just can't help but think about it heck I could be just watching a cartoon and like someone comically dies in the cartoon even though in the next episode they'll be alive all I can think about is just death and the end of the universe honestly I'm sick of it and all I want to do is move on and get some help.

So I guess all I want right now is just someone to comfort me and heck maybe show their theories of what happens after death or something. I just want to feel better now.

I posted this in another reddit but I'll also post it here just in case there isn't much help from the first place I posted this.

So I'm basically a shut-in and browse reddit nearly all day and man is this site a dumpster fire of the most negative shit imaginable a lot of the time. I constantly see nihilists, misanthropes, pessimists, etc and their statements are just drilling into my brain like a parasite, and I can't seem to shake them off.

I started having derealization in August 2019 and everything started with nihilism, which I eventually solved by reading about existentialism. Still despise nihilists though. A bit after that the whole free will thing fucked me up for a good while, though compatibilism gave me peace. Everything stayed quiet for a while, but nowadays all the nondualism and "life is suffering" stuff is my struggle and they don't really seem to have any opponents I can read up on, and man especially the latter is everywhere and though I don't agree with nor understand them, their pessimism really just latches onto me and I can't shake it off. Especially with how assertively they constantly claim it's the truth.

I'm just so tired of all this garbage, wish I could go back to pre-August 2019 mentally.

This may sound like a new age bullshit but the meaining of life is to just live and enjoy the present moment, if u feel anxiety just take a deep breaths and realize you are here with your body in the present no matter how you feel and what thoughts you are thinking. You will be alright and realise that everything is infinite and is meaningfull.

PS : TRY SPIRITUALITY IF U REALLY NEED ANSWERS :) just my tip nothing more.

My whole life I've kind of felt like there was something "wrong" with me, I just realized that the way I thought about things was different than the way the kids around me thought. My parents and teachers would get upset with me but I never really understood why but looking back I think they were frustrated because they couldn't understand why I acted the way I did.

With age (I'm 19, almost 20 now) I feel more validated than I did in my childhood because I understand that mental illness is quite common and something that exists. I've never been to a therapist/psychiatrist before because my parents are the type of people that believe that if something isn't addressed then it doesn't exist. I'm almost sure I have some type of anxiety, depression and OCD.

Recently it's gotten a lot worse because I think I've kind of thought about my relationships with people too much. I've realized that my so called best friends of 10 years really don't care or think about me nearly as much as I care and think about them. It's really hard for me to open up to people but I told them about how sometimes I get into these phases where I don't want to talk to anybody and I think about ruining every good thing I have in life (not many things) and it takes every bit of energy in my body to stop myself from ruining everything good thing I have. They now bring this up all the time and make jokes partly because I don't think they take me seriously at all. I'm just one big joke to them.

I also have no friends around me because I stayed home for college while the only friends I had (discussed above) went to a college about 3 hours away from me. I've done all of things people suggest to make friends but I've never been able to make a friend that I can talk to about anything besides the homework. I understand that I'm the common denominator here and it's totally my fault that I have no friends because I'm not really that great of a person. I tend to be the person that takes the fun out of things and never hangs out with people that much.

Right now I'm at the point where I don't sob cry about my life but I just have tears running down my face 24/7, almost like I am crying subconsciously?

ANYWAYS.....Does anyone have any tips on how you think I could stop getting into my head about everything. I've tried staying busy but it really doesn't help me at all. I've also tried exercise but it just makes me more tired and sad. Maybe a suggestion of a specific journaling technique? or anything at all? I don't really have friends around me to support me and while my parents care about me so much they just don't have any kind of ability to support me.

tags: r/existentialSupport, r/depression, r/nihilism, QWOP, ^(carbonmonk)

Tired of maintenance

I’ve been day shift manager for about 2 years now. The place was a wreck when I started, but it at least humps along now. However, I find myself increasingly frustrated by the night shift’s utter lack of respect for our protocols or upkeep.

I didn’t complain when they stopped processing dreams. And then just up and quit doing them altogether. I’ve dealt with the bitten cheeks and tongue. I didn’t complain when my takeover routine extended into hours, fixing all the sore joints and askew tendons. I took all that in stride like a good soldier, part of the team towards the same good.

But as the efficacy of my own shift work decays in light of constant incursions from a manager who clearly doesn’t give a shit, I feel the need to speak up.

I’ve sent correspondence to management but so far no response. You know how they do.

Any retaliation or subterfuge I attempted would only come back on me, possibly magnified; so I’m striving for wholistic solutions as possible.

When they offered the tradeoff, heart was outsourced if I handled the breath, I thought an easy take, but the breath practically controls the mind and the feedback is a nightmare to wrangle.

I sometimes wonder what is the point if we are going to be forgotten? All that effort waisted.

Im sorry if this is long, but I was wondering how you guys can cope. My situation all started when I was thinking of death and being in heaven, and how I would be there for infinity. I was bothered by the idea of being dead but it wasn't until I was watching a video about us humans not being able to comprehend infinity, and that's where I started to become really emotional. It was late and I was lying in bed and I became super scared. Like so scared every time I took a deep breath to calm myself down I felt the sacredness in my stomach if that makes sense lol. I can't stop shaking rn and I tried to ground myself by putting my hands in cold water and taking deep breaths but now I just feel like crying. I never even reacted to anything like this before and I would consider myself a pretty mentally healthy person, I'm satisfied with my life, I just don't know why I reacted like this. I contemplated death 2 months ago but my reaction was way less, I just couldn't sleep and that went away in like a week. Anyway, I just want my life to go back to normal where I could think about death and not even bat an eye. If anyone knows what I'm talking about please throw some tips on how I could have my mental state back to normal. It really bothers me that I have to think about this inevitable thing and not enjoy the things I'm doing in the present. sorry again for the long messy message just needed a place where I could share my experience.

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TL;DR Got really emotional thinking about my death and want tips to become mentally healthy again like I was before.

I believe that everything we know is entirely false and nothing can ever truly be known. Metaphysics is some sort of illusion and we cannot even be sure about the nature of our own selves/being. Everything is naturally chaotic and we've arranged science and logic in such a way that it deludes us into believing we can ever know anything about anything ever. "Knowledge" is a tool we created to distract ourselves from the chaos and we keep adding to it.

Death is probably not going to be the end of this illusion of being and knowledge and will bring forth more chaos.

I dropped put of university because I believe the pursuit of knowledge is futile and I keep getting memory loss/blackouts. I am losing large chunks of time and getting weird visions and flashbacks. This may or may not be related.

When I look in the mirror, I don't recognize my self and only see a small fragile human body that is slowly deteriorating. And then I forget what a human is. I am confused almost always.

I was diagnosed as schizophrenic last year and my doctors tell me my thinking is delusional and most of the time, I can recognize my delusions eventually, but I cannot get past this one. Please help?? Should I just kill myself?Thank you.

TDLR; i have msde terrible decisions in life and am now stuck in a field that i hate with every fiber of my being and i will likely fail at going back to school for something else because my grades were very average. I just need some help in seeing if it's a good decision to go back to school

My whole life I've been an average student and taken a path that at the time i thought i wanted. I originally majored in econ but in the end for a number of reasons i ended up becoming and accounting and finance major... biggest mistake in my life... I was clearly not cut out of finance so i went into accting. Then did masters of acct cause thats the natural next step then started studying for the cpa...

I absolutely hate my job with a passion and i want to quit and go into a different field like economics but like.. im scared i dont know if ill even get into a good school ive lost all contacts for an academic reference for my apps and honestly like my grades were average (3.49) so like chances of a great school is slim. And then theres tuition, definitely need to take out a loan - i also am not a US citizen so i dont know how easy it is to get a loan in the US... i dont know what to do and i feel like im just going yo fail at everything i try to just to be a little happier..

Happy New Year everyone

I'm having an existential crisis on behalf of other people now. Last night I was was thinking about t.v. cameraman who's contribution won't be anything and the same with janitors.

Edit: apparently this is survivors guilt. Yay.

I'm 18 and I got into an average University..... I wanted to do masters abroad but I found out it costs a lot of money and getting selected is also very very hard. I want to become successful, but rn I feel I won't be able to get anywhere because I didn't get into a good University.

Hello! First time here, but not the first time I've had an existential crisis. Essentially this time around I can't seem to get over my fears of death and what happens after it.

There are two thoughts which seems to cause me so much pain. The first thought is that whenever we lose consciousness (in sleep or anesthesia), our consciousness replaces us with a new person. That person thinks they are us, because they have access to our memories and opinions and whatnot, but they aren't the same person as yesterday. So you pretty much die every night. It's a terrifying thought, that I might be getting replaced with someone who thinks they're me. It sounds so irrational, and so silly, but I can't help but think 'what if its the truth?' This fear got cemented by my furious look for answers. I mostly looked at philosophy and neuroscience. While philosophy says it depends on what you define as "yourself" and neuroscience generally says that the consciousness doesn't actually shut down during sleep, sometimes I see posts that would (kind of?) support the idea that we are replaced when we sleep and I get all the more terrified. We don't know a lot about the consciousness, and that scares me. Sometimes I do convince myself that it's a silly thought and we'd be worrying about it more if it were the truth, but once again I think 'what if it is the truth? What if we just don't have the technology or intelligence to see it?' And once again I'm stuck in the loop of these horrible thoughts.

The second thought that scares me is that we will be conscious after we die. We're stuck in our bodies and stuck in darkness with only our thoughts, and we can't move or call out for help because the body is dead. And we'll just be stuck there for an eternity. To make matters worse, I've suddenly gotten scared of the thought that we'll also feel pain while being stuck in our bodies. It's such a truly silly thought again, because if sleep is just less consciousness and it's peaceful, then death should be really peaceful. And there will be nothing to support our nervous system, so there's no reason it should work. But once again, my mind goes to 'but what if we're wrong? What if there's something we don't know because we're limited humans?' And also, I'm scared that if I reject this truly awful idea, then I should be rejecting my hopes for what happens after death (reincarnation, Heaven) because they're also equally implausible. The thought of oblivion after death and just...forgetting everything and everyone I love when I die is so incomprehensible and scary.

Alright, this ended up being very jumbled and long. If you guys have any advice, I'll gladly take it but mostly just thanks for reading this rant of mine!

How do you guys deal with the fact that we will one day be forgotten and all our efforts will have been for nothing?

Hey guys! First of English isn’t my first language so excuse grammatical errors please. Now to the post. I’m actually starting to feel good about life. What’s crazy is that I didn’t do anything. Let me explain. I didn’t find girlfriend I didn’t get a new job or hobby I didn’t start working out or meditating... nothing. But I just feel good ? And the reason is that I actually set out a goal in my life. I realized that I will never be happy living a normal life. I just can’t, it’s too boring and no one will remember you (and being forgotten is my biggest fear). I set out to live a life worth remembering. I want to get into politics and make my country a better place to live in. Actually make a difference. And this helped me insanely. Having a goal that actually makes a sense for me made me a different person. I used to get anxious about death but now I find it calming. I will do all the hard work and everything I can to achieve my goals. And after I finish them or at least try to I will welcome death with embrace so I can finally rest. As Marcus Aurelius once said : Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. If you read this far - thank you. If u are still unsure about this whole life thing my advice is: do uncomfortable things. Overcome your fears. No one knows what they are doing here u are not alone. We live on a big ball floating in space - no one cares about u doing something embarrassing so just do it. Even if u would fail every time u are still a bigger and better person than all the others who never tried. Have a good life friends because it can be beautiful.

Hi, my name is Sean and I’ve been thinking ALLOT for along time, and pushing certain things away for too long. I’m not sure how to word it, and am open to any questions and all help.

This isn’t the first time I’ve had thought of existentialism. It’s been like this for a VERY long time, and it’s worse considering I have no faith in religion, and remain agnostic. This is so damn difficult to describe, but I’m terrified. I hope there’s a god, a hell, an anything. There’s the potential that when I die, my consciousness will be forever gone and I won’t exist anymore. It’s most likely so unfathomably more complicated than that, but what if it isn’t? I’ve been drowning thoughts like this for so long, and every time I do I immediately change my thought or turn on a podcast or literally anything to avoid the fear. I wish I had faith in religion, or more belief that the afterlife exists, but I’m in constant fear of if it doesn’t.

I’m in school, trying to get the best grades I can. I want to make a difference. I REALLY want to. Becoming known sounds nice, but it will eventually be drowned out by other things over time, of course. Anyways, the existential things seriously disrupt scientific learning and studying. I can’t even watch Kursgesagt without pausing , just to start thinking about death. Im tired of my idiotic self, allowing thoughts to ruin my days, studying, and fun. I know this is currently impossible to prove, just like everything, but I just need to vent and receive literally ANY help, or anything.

The reason this is so disorganized is because I finally got fed up of not having anyone to speak with about this, so immediately went here.

Not only this, but not having experienced TRUE love strikes fear even worse, the fear that someone is faking an emotion to gain or even pointlessly deceive is constantly with me. I can’t tell if I’m fucking schizophrenic, or I just don’t have anything for me to look forward to when I think about this.

If you read this far, thanks for possibly understanding this horribly organized, and nearly panicked post. I’m just... scared.

I've been in and out of psychiatric hospitals for 10 years, attempted to take my life 3 times, and have viciously self harmed by cutting myself and hatching away at my leg until I woke up in a puddle of my own blood. As I write this, tears are rolling down my cheeks and there is a knot in my throat.

Firstly, I am not sure if I exist. I am not sure if anything can ever truly be known. I'm not sure if the pursuit of knowledge or pursuit of anything really is a worthy endeavor. I have been plagued by exusyentusl OCD since I was 12. I find myself simply denying everything at this point. The thoughts are intrusive and I watch horrible videos of people (adults) getting tortured and murdered in an attempt to feel do nothing else. When even the sickest of videos has failed to shock me, I will harm myself. When this fails, I isolate entirely and throw away all my belongings. I am a member of an active cannibal forum and have been asking people to come to my home, kill me, and eat me. I've browsed pro suicide forums. I only think about death, existential shit, science and math (dropped out of an Ivy League Pure math program after 3 years due to my mental illness convincing me that nothing can ever truly be known and all of this is for nothing.) I fantasize about peeling my skin off. I am hyper aware of my body and supposed existence and it is terrifying. I want to die, but I am afraid that I will not cease to exist forever and will be stuck in existence for eternity.

I am a misanthrope currently living in extreme isolation. I have not verbally spoken to anyone in years. My family disowned me a long time ago and abused me growing up. I am alone, as I like it.

I hate myself. More than anyone else. I hate my existence. I hate existence in general. I hold twisted views of people and life. I do not sleep. Maybe 3 hours every 2 days and no medication has helped. I am drained. I do not shower. I hardly eat. I have exact 14 belongings. I have severe OCD and a 6 hour ritual I do every night before I lay down. It hurts me physically and emotionally. I delete all my accounts and everything off my phone at least once a day. I am trapped and cannot escape the thing I hate the most-myself. I dissociated constantly and I am physically and mentally deteriorating.

After failed therapy and inpatient help, I have given up entirely. I'm tired. I just want to sleep. My heart is racing and I'm scared. Intimate objects talk to me. I hear things. It's dark here. I'm ready to go now.