i think im depressed.

i don’t care about anything anymore. i can’t motivate myself to do pretty much anything. personal hygiene has been slipping. im getting more and more noticeably unkempt and dirty. when alone, i just stay in bed all day without eating or changing. i just want to sleep or be on my phone or just cry when i have it in me to do so.

im in university but im pretty sure im going to fail my year but it doesn’t really matter at this point. can’t focus. its hard to even show up. my family doesn’t know. nobody really knows.

i don’t even know what im hoping to achieve by this post. i guess maybe ppl going through something similar or any advice would also be appreciated.

My Girlfriend moved away to uni halls this year and is starting to feel really lonely and left out as well as a few terrible family situations and it’s starting to get her depressed and was talking to me about trying to self harm and her mental health getting worse just in general.

I used to just be able to spend a lot of time with her and that helped her out a lot but I think she’s needing more support from someone who actually ‘knows what they’re doing’ the only problem is we’re both uni students and affording therapy isn’t really and option for the both of us. Just wanted to check if anyone had some ideas or ways I could support/ find support for her without costing a fortune, any help would be appreciated thanks 🙏.

TLDR: My girlfriend is depressed and we can’t afford therapy, any suggestions?

Background. (26 yrs Male) Growing up, I’ve always been happy and positive about life. I love fashion and it brings me joy and excitement when I wear new clothes. I’ve always dreamed of having a beautiful family, cars, and whatnot. I moved to the US in 2016 as a student without a way of paying for school. The US was a huge transition for me considering my age and having no family here. Long story short, I started going to a community college and I had to work 3 jobs in order to pay for it. I was just a class away from graduation and I couldn’t pass that class, so I tried retaking that class and failed again. so I gave up and transferred some of my credit to another college and changed my major. This was so hard on me, I felt like a failure but I had to keep going. Today, I’m married, got my degree, green card, and I have a son too. These are the things any immigrant will wish and pray for. But now everything to doesn’t matter to me anymore and I’m just unhappy. Sometimes I feel like I’m ungrateful to God for what he has done for me, because it could have been worse.

What happened to me ?

In June 2022, I don’t know what came over me and I lost my appetite for life. I was in a total state of confusion and everything about me became stagnant and nonexistent. Ever since I hear myself in my head almost all the time. I'm always living there—thinking, analyzing, replaying situations, conversations, and everything I say before, during, and after it happens. Even when I'm alone, it's the same. At night, I overthink everything. This constant thinking consumes so much mental energy and robs me of the ability to enjoy moments, connect with people, and just be. Yes, I know this might be tied to anxiety, and I’ve worked on avoiding negative self-talk or spiraling into negativity. It helps a bit, but the thinking itself doesn’t stop, and honestly, it’s exhausting. Before June 2022, life was natural and sweet with no overthinking, depression, or anxiety. I didn’t overthink so much. I enjoyed moments, felt hyped about life, and had real, present conversations. At the same time, I know I’m still figuring out a lot of things in life, and maybe it’s normal to feel anxious and lost at this age. I just wonder if there’s a way to quiet the mind without substances and get back to that place of being present, enjoying life, and really living instead of constantly thinking. I have spent thousands of dollars on therapy with no changes, I don’t want to start using medications and my friends are starting to introduce alcohol and marijuana to me which I don’t consent to. I have tried to pray this feelings away and used other coping mechanisms. Nothing seems to be working. Does anybody else feels like this ? I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want this feelings to destroy me, my family, Job, and future. Any advice helps please.

Hi. Currently I feel like I have a mild ish depressive episode but I keep thinking that I wish it was worse because it feels like everything and nothing at the same time and that’s even harder to cope with somehow than feeling actually severely depressed. I have no idea if that makes sense at all but would really appreciate any response. English isn’t my first language but I try my best to explain. I missed an exam last week and I feel like I wasn’t bad enough that it would be ok for me to miss an exam. I should be able to cope better but I can’t really study and can’t keep my life together. Everything feels extremely difficult but it shouldn’t be because it’s only a mild ish episode. I can’t be happy but I can’t be sad either. I don’t know what to do. Please help. Thank you for reading.

I am 18F and I live in a third world country. No matter what i feel the sudden urge every week to just kill myself. I was a bright studen always on top of my class that was the only thing which i was proud of in my life. But this year due to depression is simply gave up and failed in two of my annual exams. I cant now get myself enrolled in a good uni without improving my grades wasting one year. I feel like my life isnt worth living. Lonely, financial problems, failed, parents are depressed. I do not pray to live a long life.

Hi everyone. I hope you're well.

For a bit of background, I (F, 22) have been admitted and evaluated and am receiving treatment for Major Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Panic Disorder, ADHD and chronic insomnia.

I take Venlafaxine (150 mg), Methylphenidate (10 mg), Trazadone (100 mg) and Alprazolam (0.5 mg) per day.

I also take slow release magnesium tablets, Omega 3, 6 & 9, a women's multivitamin and digestive enzymes as supplements.

I have been on these medications for a year in total and as far as my mental health goes, things have been fabulous. My panic attacks have been eliminated, my depression is much better and I get a solid 10 hours of sleep.

However, I've been waking up groggier than ever. I'm not tired, I don't sleep further, I just need to take my medication and lay in bed for an hour to muster the courage to get up. To me, it feels more like a physical thing than a mental thing.

Do you guys have any advice on a morning routine I could implement that has worked for you? As well as reasons this might be happening?

I have always been a morning person, but the last year it feels like I've been getting out of a 1000 year slumber every morning and I need to defrost.

I'm groggy and it's taking a toll because I need to get up and ready earlier and I have also noticed myself getting aggitated with the people around me in the morning, which I hate.

Any advice and tips would be appreciated.

TIA.

I've been suffering from depression for 3 years now, and I've recently started to do self harm. I'm 15 years old and I feel lost I feel alone I don't feel wanted or loved. My life was great everything was fine, but suddenly one day everything turned gray. I don't feel emotions other than anger and sadness. I feel depressed all the time. I cut myself every day. Sometimes I feel like I'm annoying. Like I'm a burden. I'm worthless. I'm useless. I'm dumb. I'm weak. I'm a bad person. I'm too sensitive. I'm too insecure. I should die. I don't want to die but I don't want to continue living in this terrible, awful, shitty world. There's only two people in this world who say they care about me, but I don't think they do. Maybe they just feel bad for me. I want help. I've tried to get help many times here and in other websites, and apps. I've tried everything but it hasn't helped. No one helps. I just want help. I need help. But no one will hear. No one will listen. My end is near. There's no hope for me. Everyone will leave me. No one wants me. No one will help me. I'll just continue hurting people if I stay alive. I want to die.

I’m starting to wonder if forgetting large chuncks of your childhood is an evolved survival trait. Because I don’t undedstand how else so many adults live depression-free.

If you had a good childhood without too much trauma, and TRULY remember what it was like, then I can’t see how you wouldn’t suffer from depression for the rest of your life.

Nothing is will ever make life as fulfilling as pure, unbridald childhood joy. I actually felt alive back then. Magic was real, fairytales and superheros were fact, and absolutely anything was possible. I was a space explorer, as shape shifter, an explorer, a detective- I was everything my imagination wanted to be. Mg happiest moments in life were when I was 5 years old, and god I wish I had forgotten all of it.

I wish I didn’t remember the freedom, or the complete absence of depression and anxiety. I wish I didn’t remember playing with toys or jumping into ballpits. I wish I could move on just like all the other adults who forgot. But I didn’t forget…. And I haven’t felt that much joy since. And I know I never will again.

I’ve already failed at every adult life goal I ever set out to achieve. Failed college, failed at all of my independent projects, failed at being a self-sufficient human being who can live on their own, and I will likely never find love (it’s already been 26 years. Why expect it to happen at all at this point?) so I really don’t have much to look forward to. I’ve already fucked up so bad in life and have fallen so far behind my peers that i don’t think I can ever catch up. Even other people with both autism and adhd like I have, all seem so much more well-adjusted, mature, and competent than I can ever hope to be. The future holds nothing for me. One day, one I’m out of family members i can live with (lot of them are pushing 80rn) I’ll likely die of stroke alone on the streets because my family has a genetic tenancy to get them, and I’m too incompetent at adulthood to actually survive on my own. I’m disabled, but have always been on that cusp of “disabled, but just BARELY not disabled enough to get help from government programs”. I’m basically living on a time limit. There is NOTHING to look forward to outside of video games and movies that have to do with my special interests.

If the first part of life is the best part, then no wonder childhood amnesia is so common. It’s a curse not to have it to at least some extent. I am one of the few people I know who remembers most of their childhood. Nothing I gained in adulthood was worth sacrificing what I had in childhood. Not drugs, not sex, not even legal freedom. I’d give it all back in a heartbeat if I could.

It’s really hard to talk about this with family because no one else really seems to understand how I feel. I even personally know (NON SEXUAL) age regressors who deeply miss childhood, but still feel content as adults. I don’t get it. Even regression, as therapeutic as it may be, doesn’t even come close to the euphoria for life I used to experience each day. How could anyone not be horribly depressed for the rest of their lives after a certain age. Is it because I’m autistic and feel like an alien compared to others, or am I just stupid and pathetic, and should just try to repress my childhood memories?

I can’t stop comparing myself to others

It has become impossible for me to not go a day without fixating on something (or multiple things) that I’m doing horrible at and everyone seems to be doing better. I can pick anything-job, relationships, friendships, looks- and I will spiral about it for the entire day. It’s debilitating- if someone mentions even a minute detail that triggers me I go mute and can’t focus on anything else but how much I suck compared to them.I genuinely can’t remember a time within the last year I could go at least a day or two without constantly thinking about my failures. It sucks because it’s my senior year of college and I want to try and make the most of what’s left of it- but I can’t help but feel like so much worse off than my friends/jealous of them. Which in turn makes more depressed because I feel guilty that I’m feeling this way about them. I’ve really tried working on it with my therapist, but nothing seems to stick. Any ideas on what to do?

What do you do when you feel so miserable that you want to abandon everyone and everything you know and start again? I've screwed up all the important relationships in my life and the ones I haven't make me wish I was dead. What am I supposed to do when everything that I hate has also fundamentally shaped me as a human being and I can't imagine a life without it?

I am going through the darkest period of my life. I have a psychiatrist and a therapist and a support system but nobody can figure out why I’m having the symptoms I am. I get these feelings where my heart seizes and I get shivers/ tremors throughout the day. It is completely and totally unbearable and the ER sent me home and my GP just recommended magnesium. Where do I go I am dying here? I’ve been in and out of hospitals too they don’t help.

I can't take it anymore

Recent events have made my depression and anxiety go through the fucking roof. I'm an American student and I fucking hate Trump. I did everything I could to vote against him and convince others to but it wasn't enough.

I've been trying to apply for national parks jobs after I graduate but now that's not going to happen due to the hiring freeze.

It doesn't help that I've been seeing other subreddits from other countries and seeing hate growing more and more for US citizens. It's always been my dream to travel around the world, helping people and animals one day, but I feel like this sentiment against me will make this never happen.

I already hate myself so much and it doesn't help that more and more people are starting to hate me. I've been drinking more and more over the past couple of weeks and to be honest I'm finding it harder and harder to continue with life...

I used to have hope, inspiration, passion now I feel nothing. I get jealous and really depressed when I see my friends and others, excel or are good at something. Ive tried and tried to find what that thing is for me, to show them, to impress and be told that I matter and that I'm really good at that. It seems so easy for some people, like they've never been told that it's the hardest thing in the world. But I can't find it, and now I just want to disappear and be forgotten.

At 23, it feels like I’m caught in a loop, constantly moving but never really getting anywhere. I know I can’t keep making excuses forever, but it's hard not to feel stuck. Every day feels like a reminder that I'm not where I want to be, and the fear of waking up at 30 with nothing to show for these years weighs on me. I don’t want to look back and regret the time I let slip away. All I want is to break out of this feeling of being lost, to find the right path, and to finally feel like I’m moving forward, not just existing. I know it takes time, but the pressure to figure it all out keeps building.

I knew I was gay ever since I was a kid, even before I knew what it was, or had ever seen or heard of the concept. I mean I didn't know what "gay" was but I had crushes on other boys. Then puberty hit and the crushes got more real and ofc the changes that went along with that. By middle school I actually knew what gay was and I knew thats what I was. I knew most viewed homosexuality as a blight, a cancer, a disease, plague, etc upon this earth that needs to be eradicated. Ever since then I've wanted to leave. I'm in my late 20s now and idk how or why I'm still here. Every damn day since middle school I've carried around that self hate and anger and frustration and desire to leave. There was a small period when In society, things appeared to get better, but that didn't last long. The anti gay ideology won big and they have more power than ever before. I can't help but wonder if maybe they're right, maybe thats the natural state. Maybe humans are just naturally opposed and sickened by my kind. Maybe homosexuality is a sickness, blight or something as such. How could it not be when pretty much every society today and most throughout history despises them?

Its clear there's no fighting that. Most people don't want my kind around and they never will. I've accepted that. I've carried how they view me in my heart for 20 years and it's clear there is no place for people like me here. Still, even knowing and accepting that, it's so hard to take that final step and do what I need to do. Idk why tf I'm even still here now.

19f I feel extremely depressed and I’ve had a particularly difficult few years. When I first had depression 4 years ago, i developed a self harming addiction which carried on for 6 months but I got over it completely on my own and life. Then 2 years ago, my dad went away for a couple of months due to bad family circumstances and never once came to see me which really upset me,it brought back my depression thats continued until now then a couple of months following that my dad has several suicide attempts which further upset and caused me a lot of guilt for how it could of been my fault, then three months later my grandmother died. I never spoke about this to anyone else I dont like talking about my depression with others as I feel like a nuisance and inconvenience. I’ve continued dealing with it on my own eventually breaking down and telling my closest friend who was very helpful. I did feel a lot happier after that however due to all the stress from my dad and bad family situation I did bad on my alevels and didnt go to university but all my friends did. im quite shy and introverted so I dont have many friends, its all made me feel so alone. I did have a part time job but I still didnt make any friends due to being so shy. All my friends are having a good time at university and I’m just here depressed and alone and feeling behind but despite I don’t even really want to go to university because, as a result of my bad family situation I cannot stand being around drunk people (I know I sound the most boring person ever.) I’ve had a particularly bad last couple of months, due to my family situation getting worse and just seeing all my friends having so much at the time. I had several breakdowns in December and promised myself I owe it to myself to try to get better however I relapsed with my self harm tonight after being clean for 4 years so I just feel so depressed and disappointed in myself, I’m not suicidal but I honestly feel as though my life has no value at all, I feel no fun or happiness to anyone, I’m definitely not happy myself so what is the actual point in me trying anymore when I’ve been trying so hard for so long but nothing has got any better for me. I don’t bring any happiness to anyone and have real reasons to live. (I’ve tried to give myself reason by committing myself to charity work but it hasn’t made me feel any better.) I know I should go to therapy but I just cant afford it, I also cannot speak to my parents about this as they are extremely unsympathetic and unsupportive.

I'm a person that overthinks so much, it's like 3 a.m. in here and I can't literally sleep because of overthinking, can someone advise me for what to do because I'm literally 14 and don't know how to fight it

19F, I'm currently studying in a bad university with a worthless degree. i won't land a job. even if i do i will be paid minimum wage and i'll barely survive. i ruined my life and there's no way for me to fix it. my parents had dreams for me, i always thought that i would be a successful person and be happy. i'm not smart enough for anything. i have suicidal thoughts, i can't eat, i cry all the time. i can't believe i only have one shot at life and i'm a disappointment.

19f I feel extremely depressed and I’ve had a particularly difficult few years. When I first had depression 4 years ago, i developed a self harming addiction which carried on for 6 months but I got over it completely on my own and life. Then 2 years ago, my dad went away for a couple of months due to bad family circumstances and never once came to see me which really upset me,it brought back my depression thats continued until now then a couple of months following that my dad has several suicide attempts which further upset and caused me a lot of guilt for how it could of been my fault, then three months later my grandmother died. I never spoke about this to anyone else I dont like talking about my depression with others as I feel like a nuisance and inconvenience. I’ve continued dealing with it on my own eventually breaking down and telling my closest friend who was very helpful. I did feel a lot happier after that however due to all the stress from my dad and bad family situation I did bad on my alevels and didnt go to university but all my friends did. im quite shy and introverted so I dont have many friends, its all made me feel so alone. I did have a part time job but I still didnt make any friends due to being so shy. All my friends are having a good time at university and I’m just here depressed and alone and feeling behind but despite I don’t even really want to go to university because, as a result of my bad family situation I cannot stand being around drunk people (I know I sound the most boring person ever.) I’ve had a particularly bad last couple of months, due to my family situation getting worse and just seeing all my friends having so much at the time. I had several breakdowns in December and promised myself I owe it to myself to try to get better however I relapsed with my self harm tonight after being clean for 4 years so I just feel so depressed and disappointed in myself, I’m not suicidal but I honestly feel as though my life has no value at all, I feel no fun or happiness to anyone, I’m definitely not happy myself so what is the actual point in me trying anymore when I’ve been trying so hard for so long but nothing has got any better for me. I don’t bring any happiness to anyone and have real reasons to live. (I’ve tried to give myself reason by committing myself to charity work but it hasn’t made me feel any better.) I know I should go to therapy but I just cant afford it, I also cannot speak to my parents about this as they are extremely unsympathetic and unsupportive.

I'm broke, on the path to become lower middle class. I don't enjoy my life beyond the few moments I have with friends doing things I enjoy. I don't like working, I don't like waking up to an alarm every day. I don't like the majority of people I'm surrounded by every day. I don't have hopes of living my dreams, I barely even know what those dreams are anymore. I'm old enough now that I'm tired of dating... I don't have the appeal I once had when I was young and full of life, and my current status in life makes me overall unappealing to the few good women my age who don't have a man.

And this is all just about me... I haven't even mentioned this fucked up world we live in. I'm supposed to just go to work and go lift some heavy stuff at a gym and then go out for dinner with friends, all while watching the slow fall of my country?

What can I even do at this point? I'm active, live in a clean home in a peaceful neighborhood, and have some hobbies and good friends. None of it means anything to me. At this point, the only thing that sounds remotely appealing is traveling the world... and I don't have anywhere near the money for that.

I'm so tired... I feel hopeless. I just don't see the point in anything.

Hello,

I'm 19yo, immigrant, in last year of high school (France) and working.

Honestly, I don't even know if I need help or something, but I just can't take it anymore.

I have the feeling I have to do EVERYTHING at home, even though I'm in high school from 8am to 5pm, and in my job right after at 6/7pm, getting home at almost 11pm.

I have no time for high school, I feel pressured at my job but can't quit it because we need the money. I have no time for anything and yet I have to do anything that has to do with administration, papers, paying debts. I feel like I'm the only competent adult at home.

Most of the time I feel like my mom is always blaming me because of bad decisions or things that happen to us. Almost always my mom is complaining and not doing anything. I always tell her that she can get a job or do some course to get a job but she never listens to me and says that speaking french is not easy (yet we have already 3 years in France).

Living with my mom is hell, living in the place I live is hell. Living for me is hell. Whenever I try to do homework or something important my mom starts to talk to me and if I don't hear something she gets absolutely mad at me.

I feel like if I make a mistake I'm gonna get beat up.

I'm not good at anything either, when I try to pick up a hobby I like, I just get frustrated and sad because I dont seem to progress, even after spending some years on it. The same thing at school, I'm not good enough to make it to a good university.

My mom and gf say it's a good thing I'm ambitious and ""smart"". But seeing other guys in class that are doing so much better without so much effort is, honestly, unmotivating and depresses me. I don't even think I'm smart, I feel pretty dumb.

I feel so much pressure on getting a degree of something I don't even like or interested in (engineering). I feel tired, and lonely.

And seeing guys my age, or even younger, making 3x what I make in a month, makes me feel so depressed, so useless, that it brings up thoughts that I thought I overcame but I won't touch in this post.

Life doesn't seem great at all, not even a little good, for the next 6 years.

I don't have anyone to ask for help, I don't know what to do with my life, I don't wanna keep living this why

I have so many other things to say, but everything just seems pointless at this point.

Thanks for reading.

Hi ! I am new here, and I am sorry if I make faults in my message, english aren't my first language.

I have depression since I am 5yo, and I am 25yo now. I have never liked myself, I have always found myself ugly and I have always depreciate myself, all my life. I would like to feel better but it's complicated. Even complimenting myself a little is hard for me. I have never being an positive person and because of that my relations last only around 3 months .

So I wanted to ask you all if you have any advices to feel better and doing more things ? I am follow-up care by an psychiatrist and have medicine. It's really hard to motivate myself to do things like go to walk, do my shopping, taking care of me, make sport, go at university... I am tired everyday, physically and mentally. With my studies I don't have any rhythm, I stress a lot and try to occupy my minds each hours of the day. How can I try to do more things ? Each day are a fight for me...

Thank you for reading me and for answering me. I hope I could help people here. Take care. ♡

I'm not gonna lie on the outside I seem a happy person but on the inside I'm a person who suffers with social anxiety, autism and these factors also add to how depressed I feel. If I'm being honest I have an autistic brother and sister and whom are both younger than me so I need to play the big brother role in my family and they are both so innocent and so amazing but I can't think to imagine how they would be if I weren't there. I'm always caring for my mom and my siblings and it's super hard on me especially when school is rough, I get bullied by the people I'm closest to every day and all the friends feel fake. All I need is someone to talk to so I'm sending this post just hoping for some advice cuz I feel completely lost right now

18f When people joke I never laugh and I don't know how to have fun conversations when people mention food the first thing that comes out of my mouth is how good the nutrients are or the nutrients it's lacking

When I'm talking to people it feels like a waste of time

I want to enjoy my life I do everything with purpose I eat to fuel my body and I work for money I smoke weed to help me enjoy doing housework

I never laugh or smile genuinely and it sucks

The only time I feel like I'm having goofy fun is when I'm doing something sexual with someone and then after I orgasm I find them boring and I have second thoughts

I don't know how to make friends or even want friends

I want to have positive interactions with my family

First post. I'm old and don't quite know what I'm doing. Frankly, that could be the "theme" for my entire life.
Anyway, I've always had mental health struggles, but I've never had the ability and the funds to be properly diagnosed. I have been diagnosed with anxiety disorder and massive depressive disorder, but I suspect there is more. I'm positive I'm autistic.

Here's my question: what do you do when you're about to snap? Like straight on you know you're about to lose your absolute shit? Everything has gone to hell.

I need help. I don't know where to go, or what to do. I have been debating on going to the ER and saying I'm doing poor mentally, but--what happens? Do they just turn you away for a "real" emergency? Send you off somewhere else? Or, as long as you aren't going to unalive yourself, they don't care?

I guess my question is for anyone who has dealt with this, what was your experience. Were you treated well? Shamed? Given resources to help you?

Life... ain't great. I have no income. My ex left me high and dry (long story). He was an abusive PoS.

I don't know where to go. I know I can't afford anything so whatever bills I rack up are going to go into collections (which is another stress). I've tried getting the state funding, but they keep screwing up my case.

So literally, this is for everyone who has "snapped" (I apologize if that isn't the sensitive term; I honestly don't know) and needed immediate care... where did you go, what happened?

Thanks in advance.

Hi, I’m writing it there because I don’t know what to do else. I’m suffering for severe depression since many years, I’ve been followed by many doctors but nothing works. 4 months ago I lost my job and my fiancé due to my depression. Today I wanna end it, I don’t want to struggle or to feel like this anymore.. it’s juste have been too long.. I don’t know what to do..

im not a fluent english speaker so im sorry
to start from the beginning, my friend (who was suffering from a mania of washing her hands non stop) stopped with her mania, the angust didnt thou, now she is passing by moments of depression and anxiety after her crush lied to her and broke her heart it was her first time getting a crush on somebody (he was a jerk in fact) when she met him she got a lil away from our friendship cause it was too close and she cant manage more than a person at time, im trying my best to be there for her, im not good with that, im not a professional, im trying to buy time to make enough money to got a appointment with a professional online (it's easier to her that way, her father wouldnt listen) but i need at lest 3 or 4 years and idk what to do anymore, please anything i will do, just help me save this friend of mine, she is just too precious to me, she is like my little sister, i love her and want to protect her at any cost

Hi. I don't know where to start and I don't have anyone to talk to. I have nothing. I'm 28, I have no friends, I recently broke up with my partner, my relationship with my parents is horrible and just nothing goes my way.

I feel like I'm at my breaking point. I don't feel happy and I haven't feel happy in a while. Nobody ever asks if I'm okay, no one ever cares. No one ever checks up on me or hugs me and tells me it's alright. I feel like I'm only living for my dog at this point and I'm fine with it. It just hurts because there are so many people around me and yet I'm so lonely.

If I feel bad and write in our friends group chat, all I get is a sad smiley. My other friend gets so much love and support. She deserves it and I'm glad she has it. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong that I'm not? I never felt like I'm enough, no one ever really chose me, not even my parents. Unfortunately I can't go no contact with them because I started law school.

My partner ignored my needs for so long and I was so stupid for staying so long that now I can't even look in the mirror because I feel like I'm ugly.

I'm in therapy. It helps. But today I'm at a very low point.

Firstly i wrote these all when i was crying so i apologize for lack of grammar!

idk ever since we got a new stove (it’s electric samsung and not element top) my head what ever side is closer to it gets a headache and a burn tingle feeling just now i was in the bathroom a a wall away for like ten minutes got the hot feeling in my forehead and had to take two advil, which is scary cause i thankfully was able to go yesterday with no advil cause i make sure not to be near it more than 5 mins and yes i usually have been taking an advil a day for over a two weeks, at first it just was that feeling like when you wear your glasses on your head for too long and when u remove them you still feel their ghost weight) pressure on my head and now it’s turned into headache and burn feeling, my family got the virus, i myself don’t have any symptoms and when i’m not near the stove i feel 100% fine and dandy i felt fine before we got it too and i do have a phone call appointment thursday with my doctor about thismom thinks it’s all bs, dad thinks it’s placebo affect all i know is i don’t wanna accidentally take to much advil (one or two a day) for the rest of my lifeyesterday when i left the house and went to someone else’s the burning feeling slowly went away after an hour it’s like feeling the wire pressure when you go under wire lines at power plants i think i’ve never felt those but they describe similar to have i’m feeling our old stove never cause me constant head pressure on my middle line hair part and staying in my room away from the family makes me feel like they don't care i'm in pain and they value the stove above me which makes me feel like what the point of living But I DONT WANNA DIE JUST TO BE CLEAR