I have mdd and attempted suicide on May this year. I went to doctor and I am taking my medication every day. I am doing relatively fine but the only thing that keeps bothering me are the keloids on my left wrist. The scars are visible and my family asks me to hide them when stepping out of house. I'm not ashamed of these scars but that doesn't mean what I did was right and I don't really want to tell people about what happened or any unnecessary drama from other relatives (mostly the ones that are annoying and suck).

My scars start from my left wrist to forearm they are horizontal.

Thankyou in advance.......

I had them before, but since my two stays at the psychiatric hospital this year, they have worsened. I keep overanalyzing everything. I keep thinking about things such as: Do I have cancer? Could I have been misdiagnosed with something when it comes to my mental health? From when I wake up until I fall asleep, I keep thinking and thinking. There is no time during the day when I do not think, do not obsess, and do not worry. I do not have evidence to say that I have cancer (as I've been at the doctor) or that I have been misdiagnosed since I have been going to different psychiatrists and psychologists since 2022 who have had consistent opinions. Only at the hospital did they say otherwise, but the staff there was not good at all and yet I still think that they could've been right in spite of different doctors saying to me that I shouldn't worry about that. The thoughts have a strong effect on me, cause stress which has effect on my physical health and for example, make me avoid school.

How do I overcome such irrational obsessions and thoughts? I cannot enjoy nothing or do anything productive.

rant, idk how to change the tag, sorry TT

ive been struggling w/ getting things done lately, tried so many coping mechanisms but i feel like letting this out would be much better. but what if i could just had went to a therapist? i dont have enough money & my family doesnt support it. i have close friends but they r also dealing w/ something rn and i feel more comfortable speaking in texts than in person. and i want anyone to know other than my journal whats wrong. pls dont judge im just trying my best rn & im probably overthinking this, OKAY. lately i found out my mother never truly cared for me. and that shi literally was my last straw since i was trying to cope w/ managing my mental health & work. somehow i lost myself and my performance dropped. as someone who loved every close person i have, that shi broke me especially from someone i hold dear. been REALLY tryna cope but its really hard when u cant lean into anyone. but im fr still here bc i know ill regret. but its just damn heavy yk. im a human being so theres time im in my lowest. but like dam it wdym im only a responsibility 4 u? wdym youre not leaving me yet bc youll get judged by ur family? u never considered me as ur child? is that why every time i yearn 4 ur attention u neve look back? sometimes i wonder y i am here but dam it
i dont have a choice, i gotta pursue and work hard just to live away from here & finally heal cuz no way im gonna heal in the same place i got sick.

I have to convince myself to do other things that I know I will enjoy. I don’t want to keep having to persuade myself just to do something as simple as watch a tv-show.

How often do fully grown adult feel so confused, and that the world is so confusing, suffer from overthinking, overlap of ideas, tics like shaking things in his hands, move around in circles, move his lips while thinking, and how to solve this issue?

Do you ever feel just…hollow? Like, you know you should be angry or sad but you don’t even have enough energy for either.

It's not worth to live with depression

Oh man, I remember the days without her. I can literally count on a hand the days where I was like waking up and going to bed happy, with no bad emotions during the day.

I'm not loved by anyone. I'm special only to my parents and i'm not sure that I love them the same way they love me. When we are together, we do small talks and everything that is a serious matter for me will not be discussed: after i finish saying something they stay silent. Probably because they are afraid of saying something wrong and that i could be upset because of that. My mom told me that she has to watch what she'll say for the fear of upsetting me. Wich is not fair, since the one and only time i was physical (just a little push, she didn't even moved) was after i got assaulted and i did it fearing for my life. So I grew distant and not a friend of them, at least when i'm depressed.

I just feel like a shelter dog in a corner crying, waiting for some special person to pick me up and loving me. You saw some photos before and after of what i just described. And you can tell how much of a difference in the attitude of a dog love does. I guess i'll just enlist in the foreign army in ukraine, at least my skills could be useful in some form. At work i'm doing great, travelling the world and setting up plants and factories.

I had only like 2 girls really interested in me in my life, but i'll never be sure about the first one because she never said anything! I just felt that she liked me but i was too young and stupid (16 and kissless virgin). The second one i lost my V card at, she is a single mother 9000km away from my country. She's lovely, caring and she told me that she really liked me. I guess i'll regret not staying with her, I asked her though: she said no.

I just don't know how to feel. I feel sad, bad, betrayed. Even by myself. I just don't have energies anymore to go through the same s*it over and over again.

my life is a beautiful hell I feel so lonely and depress I want to calm my mind by talking to someone please😭💔

Im so sorry i didnt mean for this to be so long. I have no friends to talk to, so I guess reddit is the next best thing. For a decade my stomach has been hurting every month to the point of vomiting; due to anxiety? I think. My theripist told me some peoples bodies dont understand emotions so it treats all emotion the same way and maybe mine is treating all emotion in a negitive way i.e. stomach issues, i dont know if thats whats happening. Every doctor I ever go to has told me I'm healthy and everything is fine. Obviously it isn't because I'm getting sick every month, but I guess they know more about the "mystery illness" than I do. It's a pain but I deal with it until it goes away; I haven't found any thing that helps other than time. But that's not why I've come here to complain; I started taking anxiety/depression medication since May of this year and since then I've noticed my highs are higher and my lows are lower, it just exasperates my emotions. Since age 18 I've sat in a house and wilted away and have no highs to speak of, other than the love for my pets, all I have are lows. I don't even remember how to function in society, I've regressed into a puddle on the floor everywhere I go; I'm scared to show anything other than indifference because I don't want to get sick, but I get sick anyway so what's the point? Because now I don't know anything other than what I've done to myself. I digress, sorry. Other than the medication, which I'd say overall is benefiting me positively, due to my outlook is a lot brighter and more defined these past few months; I've set up for collage and a job, have taken I deep dive into self care and have felt very good about myself. I wanted to rekindle friendships, and found a few that were just waiting for me to come back to earth; 10 fucking years they were waiting.. I feel like an asshole. I don't know if it's the medicine or the friends but now I'm getting sick every other week and I don't know how to understand it or properly deal with it anymore. It's only two people, one of which I only converse with a couple times a week, the other is someone I enjoy romantically, we talk everyday and I enjoy it, but going back to what my theripist said; is me being happy making my stomach issues worse? Obviously you guys don't know; but every other fucking week? It takes me a week to get back in action form being sick. I get one week of being 'healthy' until the cycle starts over. Hypothetical; if I'm like this now, what's going to happen when I go to collage and get stressed there? What am I going to do when a Karen comes into my work and then "oh sorry boss, can't come in today; my tummy hurts now"?

Hey there, I'll try to keep this somewhat short, but detailed. I(29m) am struggling with my depression a bit more than normal. I've recently been promoted at my job,which is great, but I feel like I'm constantly failing to be good at leading. I'm starting to try to put myself back out into the world after a rough 9 years of soul searching for who I am. Has the world grown colder to emotions? How can I find the required strength and courage to keep forging forward when I'm surrounded by stress which spikes my anxiety which fuels into me not feeling good enough with depression. It seems to be a constant spiral and I'm tired of spinning in the circle. How can I improve?

Hello All,

I work for a social service agency as their leader. Things financially are fine, but we are very busy trying to help as many families as possible, but I have had to fill the role of another full time employee who had to suddenly go on medical leave for six weeks. This was not a position I could delegate to anyone because of training requirements.

In addition, I am assisting another nonprofit with a federal grant because they haven’t managed one before and we are receiving some of the funds. Another entity who is receiving funds from them is being a real jerk about everything and I am having to help with messaging to her.

Lastly, I am having issues at my house. First, we have a house repair that needs to be done. Second, a contractor messed up a part of our home that I need to figure out how to fix, and I am worried about how to get it done. I need to get the repair done before the first major snowstorm or I might have a much worse issue.

I was committed to having a relaxing holiday but here I am stressed to the max about all of this and while I was able to have a little fun yesterday, I am now sick and not sure what to do. So instead of going back to work relaxed, I’ll be returning tired.

My wife’s my best friend and soul mate. I feel terrible that I am not able to be happy for her or be a better husband. We don’t have any friends or kids…it is just us. I feel somewhat alone right now and not sure what to do. I can’t take time off because I don’t like to be home alone and my wife doesn’t really want to go on any long trips because of our senior dogs.

Any advice or words of encouragement are welcome. I’m trying it just seems like the deck is stacked against me right now.

Hey, uhm, where to begin?

I have been together with him for 3 years now. I, myself, come out of a pretty abusive household and needed to learn, how to love aka was pretty cold, tho I loved him. Now, after our 3rd year anneversery he broke up with me, or thinks about it, as he is uncertain, if he still loves me. I only learned, how to love him half a year back. He says, I am perfect in his eyes, but doesn't know, if I loved him too late. He is afraif that this spark of love will never again ignite...or that it will ignite with someone else. He told me, to show him that I really love him and won't be cold anymore, but he can't promise that that will be enough. I shake out of fear of losing him...I cry for days now...I-I love him, damn it...I f**king love him so, so much...I just can't deal with the uncertainty...I want to know...to love him again without fear of losing him...

Since June I've had the best and worst time of my life. Now I'm stuck in the aftermath with meds that don't do anything and therapy 1 hr/1 week.

I've always hated that I'll know when I'm doing something that will hinder me from achieving my goals but I still do it.

Recently I can't get myself to stay away from very depressing music. I've felt like I deserve to be miserable. Everything that's happened since June has only reinforced that knowledge.

Idek what I'm trying to get at... Guess I just wanted to verbalize my thoughts. Idk anymore... I don't think I'll ever know again

I’m on medication for my depression and anxiety but I have an issue where the medication is preventing me from crying when I want to cry … does anyone else have this issue?

I wish that those people in movies who are always kind and always are there for you still exist more. Yeah, i know that there are people like that but i need one in my life. I wouldn't call my parents enough and i don't feel that connection with them. i don't even tell them things like my depression. even just a true love, but i'm 11.

if you are one of those people or know someone who is please send me a PM. with all the respect, please i need people like this in my life. thank you!

Hey, so I don’t really know how to explain it but I can’t ever feel happy for long periods of time, whenever I am happy I just start to think of things that bring me right back into a consistent state of depression. I moved into a new place today, while it is to a better house, I miss my old home so badly already. I’m not good with change, this was a big one. I also miss my friends every second I’m not around them, I don’t have many (only 2), and I tend to overthink and silently suffer with thoughts that they’re just putting on a facade of being my friend. Kinda just feel like a failure, I have no prospects and am on leave from uni because of my depression (I couldn’t even make it through my first term). Everyone seems to have something going for them, not me. All I have is my part time job, which is only 56 hours a month. I can’t keep living like this because I’m miserable, but I also don’t have the emotional capacity to turn my life around. I’m just sad.

I don’t know how to feel better, maybe support from internet strangers will help. I feel hopeless.

16m been feeling depressed for a while, there are some relatively better periods but things have just been horrible since around august and i find it hard to make it through each day. ive tried all the reccomended things, therapy meditation journalling arts etc etc with no turnout. nobody around me takes me seriously, there is nothing i enjoy doing, i dont see myself going anywhere in life, and my academic, social, and love life are falling apart. i dunno what to do anymore. i had a plan for how id end things some years from now but that year id set for myself just becomes more negligible that id do it any second now

i stopped eating when this first began, and maybe if i went on a little longer i wouldve died. people are always like oh x years from now things wont be the same or something along those lines but its been 5 years for me, and really i think i wouldve been better off if i finished what i started. nothings changed since then

I am at a point where I really just don’t think I can keep going, but when I think about ending it, I know how much pain my parents would be in. But I am just so tired.

I have a long history of trauma. I was physically, sexually, and emotionally abused by my stepfather for about 10 years. My mom didn’t protect me. In fact, when I finally got the courage to go to the police and report my stepdad for sexual abuse at 15, my mom chose his side. She bailed him out of jail and lied about me on the stand when it went to trial. He was found not guilty and they are still married. I have not spoken to my mom since the trial.

I ended up moving in with my dad and who would later become my stepmom. We strengthened our relationship and I know they love me, but I don’t really talk to them about who I really am or how I really feel. I’m often playing a part around them of a happy daughter.

Due to a lack of boundaries and low self worth, I’ve also experienced more sexual trauma in my adulthood - being taken advantage of by men I thought were friends, being talked into sending sexual images and then blackmailed over them, dating men that have repeatedly disrespected me and cheated on me, etc.

My last boyfriend I was madly in love with but he lied to me and cheated on me multiple times. I finally had to end it two years ago but I’ve never really recovered from it. I still miss him daily even though he didn’t treat me very well. I’ve felt really numb the past 2 years.

I also have a lot of credit card debt (I was laid off twice in the past 3 years and unemployed for long periods of time) and I’ve gained 20 pounds this year. I don’t feel motivated to do anything anymore. My apartment is a mess and I just can’t clean it. I have a list of things I need to do in my head but I can’t seem to do them. All I really want to do is lay in my bed. I’ve felt my mental health deteriorate a lot this past year. I cry a lot. I think I deeply hate myself, but I don’t know how not to.

I have tried to experience life and make it worth living - I have traveled, moved to different cities, made friends, tried out hobbies, etc. And I am grateful for many things. I just don’t feel intrinsically motivated anymore. I never feel like I’m doing good enough or that I myself am good enough. Even when things are “good,” I don’t feel like I deserve it.

I just don’t want to do this anymore. I’m 30 now and I’ve been thinking about killing myself for almost 2 decades. But I know how hard my dad would take it so I don’t feel like I can do that. I don’t know how to find it in me to keep going though. Sometimes I feel like I am already dead and I’m pulling my corpse through this life just so I don’t cause other people pain.

Sorry this is so long. I don’t really have anyone to talk to about these things, I don’t want my friends or family to worry about me. So I guess I thought I’d see if anyone here has gone through something similar and what has helped them keep going. Thank you 🖤

Whoops, slipped and had an depressive episode

I'm just now putting things together but I've the past few weeks Ive been getting steadily more depressed and exhausted.

Id been staying at my partners house for the last week, which doesn't usually foster healthy habits for me as I struggle with anxiety and interacting with his family.

I also don't have great eating or sleeping habits at his house, so I just brushed not eating this week off as just not having money for food, I also stopped sleeping for a few days but assumed it was me and the conditions not vibing.

I was also as sick as a dog for a bit, so yeah I just chalked it up to that and my partner and I having an issue.

But no, Im definitely depressed. I'm back at my house now with free reign to do whatever I want and all I truly had the time for was to make my partner his dinner.

My room is a mess, because I dropped everything in the middle of my reno to help my partner with his work last week, so I don't really have a comfortable space right now- he is taking up the whole bed and TV while he's eating his dinner so that's not an option.

Im also really craving physically contact, but I asked my partner for cuddles the past few nights when he's come to bed and he hasn't been interested/ has been too tired/ didn't want to wake me.

Im sure it seems silly but physical contact with my partner is one of the most healing things for my depression.

I've also asked for reassurance and affirmation, but similar response.

I'm not really sure what to do, I feel like now that I realize it I have to treat it, but I'm kinda a terrible person who has accidentally attached a lot of my coping mechanisms to my partner (cuddling, affirmation, ect) so when they don't have it in them to help me cope I'm on my own, and my own does not like me.

The few I have just aren't working? Genuinely no interest in anything.

I want to have a conversation with my partner about it, but I have a feeling they'll get upset and feel like they made me depressed and then I'll just have to comfort them and tell them verbatim the things id wish hed say back.

But yeah, I can't really talk about it and I'll just have to wait until he's less stressed out about his hobby and collecting.

I tried one of those free ai therapy things, and it didn't help me in the slightest, but maybe I was misusing it- idk

I don't know anything right now I'm just running on 30 minutes of sleep and a hotdog I ate 5 days ago. Life is pain.

Like the title says, I struggle with making decisions. I’ve had depression since childhood along with PTSD from a traumatic incident 10 years ago. I’m in therapy and taking medication, which help many symptoms but not all.

It doesn’t matter if the decision is big or small, if it affects other people or just me. It also doesn’t happen all the time, rather it sneaks up on me unexpectedly. Sometimes someone will ask where I want to go for dinner and I’ll be able to choose, other times I feel like the decision is an impossible task, break down into tears, and spiral into a major depressive episode that can last the rest of the day or longer.

My husband is great about working with me, either giving me options, helping me make pro/con lists, or just making decisions for us when necessary. But this really isn’t enough. Just the other day I was at the store to pick out a pair of earrings to spend a birthday gift card, was having trouble choosing, ended up sobbing in the store bathroom before going home and spiraling into near-suicidal levels of depression. It was so strange because I asked for the gift card specifically for earrings from this store and I was excited to go pick them out for days, so the sudden feeling of being unable to decide came from nowhere. It really upsets me because I know how stupid and trivial it is, but something about feeling indecisive is a huge trigger that I haven’t figured out how to control.

TL,DR: Making decisions or feeling unsure about a decision makes me spiral into depression, no matter how trivial the decision is.

after i ran into his mother, he called me on no caller id about 7 times. me 2 months ago would have answered with joy. but i didn't give in. even though i'm sinking so low. i hate life rn and hearing his voice, seeing him, would have made me feel better, i can't open this wound again. it's like i have a bandaid over a gaping wound that's bleeding profusely and if i rip it open again, it will never heal. after 7 years, the cycle needs to end. i never want to feel this way again. i would've loved to hear what he said but it could've been bad or good and i'm fine with leaving that up to my imagination. i'm fine with just imagining he called to tell me he loves and misses me without knowing. even though he probably just called to take his anger out on me and call me a bitch 23 times. it's all up to me to imagine how that conversation would have went. this power has finally allowed me to not cry since, and i think this is the longest i've gone all month without crying. i'm so proud.

I’m (21f) and I’ve been depressed since 16 years old. This year was my last year with my therapist and it was okay I guess. “This year I’m going back cause I need help again”. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety disorder, PTSD, ADD, and panic attacks.

I got more understanding about my feelings but not my body.

The thing is when I get in a depressed state my vision becomes like blurry and lifeless and I feel like the things that I’m hearing are sooo different like so low and dim.

Like when I’m listening to music it’s not enjoyable anymore. And I’m always putting the music harder than usual to enjoy it a little bit, but that’s not helping either.

Like I’m trying to get my mind of my “depression” by doing things I enjoy but it feels so colorless and uncomfortable to do so. And im really pushing myself.

It’s basically annoying me. Cause I don’t want to feel like that.

Do y’all have that too? And what do y’all do to make the vision “clear again” I guess” and making the things you enjoy to hear enjoyable again?

Sorry English isn’t my first language, I hope I explained it correctly.☺️

I lived through a life full of hate. Everything has passed and people say time washes bad memories out. But the same questions revolve around me every single day. I can't find anyone to talk with. I am too scared to share it with my friends. They seem like if I do say it, they'll think I am dramatic. I am even too scared to post it on here. I might delete this very soon. I feel like no one is ever here for me. Even the person I once depended on the most treated me like I was the problem. Is it really me that is dramatic?

F30, ASD, Depression, Anxiety, Trauma

Whenever I'm having a really bad period I tend to skip my medication for some days. I want to know the effect of missing my meds (I know it's bad, but is it dangerous? What exactly happens?) Below are my meds:

Wellbutrin 1×150mg Fluoxetine 1×40mg Camcolit 2×600mg Zyprexa 2×5mg Inderal 2×40mg

If anyone here has experience or is a doctor I'ld like to hear it. (Posted in another group specifically for doctors but no answer there.)

I know eating is necessary to live, and eating healthy makes for a better more positive life experience. However, when I eat food I feel guilty like I’m wasting it, and I get so disgusted with myself and with the food. I’m not sure why, maybe it’s because I feel like I don’t deserve to live therefore I don’t deserve to eat? But it’s gotten harder recently and I can’t get therapy because they won’t help me they’ll just put me in a psych ward and force feed me while drugging me up. I’ve done some research and I’m pretty sure it’s food contamination OCD mixed with severe depression that’s causing this eating disorder, it’s not anything to do with my weight it’s not like I’m trying to lose weight it’s actually the opposite I want to gain weight because people always point out how small I look or how sick I look and how little I eat and it makes me feel worse so I’m trying to gain weight I just can’t bring myself to eat even when I know I should. It’s not me being lazy I just can’t. If someone asked me to make food for them I would be able to, but I can’t do it for myself. I need help, but I don’t know how to fix this. Sometimes I’ll look at photos of food all day instead of eating, and I don’t know why.

I have to convince myself to do other things that I know I will enjoy. I don’t want to keep having to persuade myself just to do something as simple as watch a tv-show.

For context I grew up in a rough place drugs gangs the lot. I spent my entire teenage years from 11/12-19 in and out of trouble. At 19 I got arrested and was facing 15 years. Through a guilty plea and overcrowding in the prison system I some how managed to get 2 years suspended. I moved away from my area,got a new partner,job, a legit driving licence and I’m studying to become a mechanic. I’m now 21 about to be 22 but I feel like I’m living my life on extra time like I should of died back when I was doing gang activity I just can’t get past the feeling I wasn’t supposed to make it this far let alone make it to old age. I was always willing to die for something bigger than myself my friends and loved ones but now when I die it will just be because I grew old. I’m not sure if anyone can relate or even make sense of it but amount of times I’ve been jumped or jumped other people and worse i always thought I’d go out fighting now it feels like I’m searching for meaning everyday and not finding it. It’s made worse by the fact I’ve lost a friend and cousin to gang activity and moving on with my life when they lost theirs to it just doesn’t sit right with me either.why did I make it out and get to be normal when so many others didn’t.

I've been unemployed since the end of June this year. I have bipolar depression and anxiety. I am also ADHD inclined. I was okay in the beginning and I would do things around the house and stay busy. Now, I can't even think about wanting to clean or cook. I live with my bf and he's worried about me and our relationship. I'm so sad when he brings it up. It just makes my situation worse. I don't know what to do to keep motivated when all I get is rejection from the 100 plus jobs I have applied to.

Hii Reddit, I’ve written here before and didn’t get much traction but I don’t really have anyone else to talk to.

Jealousy and envy are consuming me. I’ve so very dissatisfied with my life, I can’t help but just feel shitty about myself. My dad has died, I’m far away from my family, I can’t work in this country cause I’m waiting for my visa (been waiting for almost a year now), I’m still dealing with acne, I don’t even wanna talk about my love life (I’ll say this though; I have never had good sex), I feel anxiety throughout my body every single day… I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m really miserable, and I struggle to remain grateful for what I have cause I’m constantly confronted by what I don’t have. I’m sad and I feel stuck. It’s been like this for years now but this year it’s really locked itself in.

:(