Hi there. Is anyone here a mom/parent? I have a toddler and am currently separated from my husband. I’m struggling to stop drinking. How can I stop when it’s the only thing that brings me relief from feeling alone and desperately sad. Don’t get me wrong, my son is my everything and I don’t let him see my pain, at least I try my hardest not to. But having too much wine happens before I know it and then it leads to more sadness. My husband tells me that I can’t stop bc I’m lazy and weak and it’s really hard not to believe his words. Hoping that there is another mom/parent with a similar experience.

Idk what is the proper way to handle this. My (30 F) boyfriend (30 M) just got out of rehab for alchohol about 4 days ago. He went because every time he gets wasted he ends up messaging other girls and trying to cheat on me and I caught him doing it again right before he went into rehab. I still love him regardless of this… we have been in love with each other for 8 years. I realize that the cheating is part of his alcoholism because I don’t believe he would ever do anything like that while sober. He does a lot of inconsiderate things while drunk that he never does while sober, not just cheating. It’s just that the serial cheating is what hurts me the most.
Anyways, so I caught him cheating yet again (and this was a particularly bad one) and I made an ultimatum and I meant it. I told him he had to go to rehab and stop drinking or he had to move out. I decided I couldn’t handle being cheated on ever again and I knew the only way to prevent it was to either make him get sober or leave him. He agreed to check himself into rehab that very day and told me that he can’t lose me. I considered it the biggest act of love anyone has ever done for me. He loves me enough to go to rehab!

He completed the program with flying colors and when he got out a few days ago he seemed totally changed. He seemed so committed to sobriety and would even work on sobriety workbooks with me and talk about how excited he is to be sober. He told me I saved his life making him go to rehab. I felt so happy and relaxed knowing he was being sober for me and now we can finally be happy together!

So far since I picked him up with rehab we spend every second together but yesterday he left the house briefly and came back smelling slightly of booze. I asked him about this and he denied it very convincingly and even went on a little tangent about how he’s sober now and not to worry and I believed him. But tonight he was gone for a long time. He came home late and when he kissed me the alchohol smell was strong on his breath. I know it was wrong but I waited until he fell asleep and went into his car. I found empty beer cans In there so now I know that my suspicions were correct. What is the right way of confronting him? I want to do this with love but I also know that I can’t stay with him if he is just gonna keep drinking and lying to me because of the things he does while drunk.

What do I do???

Im trying to quit drinking and i have never ever experienced anger or irritability to this degree in my life, i genuinely want to punch a fucking hole in my wall. Anything anybody says to me i want to tell them to shut the fuck up im so pissed off all the time. And i know its irrational. And then i start bawling my eyes out in random situations like in public. I seriously dont see the point in doing this really, im just angry all the time and miserable, but ohhhh im sober!!! So in winning.EVEN THOUGH EVERY SINGLE FUCKING SECOND I FEEL LIKE RIPPING MY GODDAMN FUCKING HAIR OUT AND PEELING MY FUCKING SKIN OFFF.

On Tool Tuesdays, we take the opportunity to learn new tools from the Handbook together (or refresh our memory). Today we are focusing on the DISARM tool (Destructive Images and Self-talk Awareness and Refusal Method).

In the same way that your addictive behavior is only a behavior and not "you," an urge is merely a feeling or an impulse you experience, not the essence of you. Some people find it helps to cope with their urges if they give them a name, as if the urges were another being or something outside themselves.

Your might give your urge and its voice a name that describes what it feels like when the urge comes on (ie. "The Brat," "The Salesman," "The Whiner," "The Enemy"). Personifying your urge helps in a few ways: it serves as a reminder that you are not your behavior, it helps you recognize the urge sooner, and it puts you in a position of power over your addictive behavior.

Have you named your urge? If you feel comfortable, introduce it in the comments.

As a result of getting sober through Smart recovery and using our tools, I learned how to live my life in a healthy manner.

I, also, got to use the ABC tool to dispute many irrational beliefs I held about myself, others and life in general.

Consequently, I took the time yesterday to wish my ex-wife of 40+ years, a Happy Mother's Day. It felt so good to do the next "right thing".

Holding grudges and resentments kept me in a prison of my own making.

Starting again, feels like failure for now. I know that feeling will fade but all the trust others put in you and then it bites you on the behind when you least expect it.

Words of encouragement and advise welcomed.

Hey everyone -

SMART(ie) here. I've been going to meetings for the last 5 months as my DOC is alcohol and it was time to quit forever. No more rationalizing why it's okay to have one or two.

That said, throughout my marriage, my partner has used video games as their coping mechanism. It's an addiction that gets worse if there are issues in our marriage. I've gently (and sometimes not to gently) tried to share my concern, however, I've been met with the argument that it's not an addiction, it's just a hobby and isn't harmful.

Thing is, it is harmful. It's harmful because they withdraw, they can be playing for hours - not engaging with the family at all. Sometimes they'd be up until 1, 2, or even 3 in the morning unless I came out and said something.

And now we are going through an incredibly triggering and traumatizing event that we've been working through with counselors but the video game playing has significantly increased. I haven't said anything, except maybe once, because I didn't want to make things worse but it's addiction...I'm just so lost to be on this side of the fence. Anyone have any advice on how to best approach? Or a SMART tool that could be of great benefit?

Thank you!

Anyone else finding themselves having to remind themselves that S.M.A.R.T. is just an acronym and NOT a descriptor?

I've attended a handful of different ones, and I want to hear from anyone who'd like to share what their typical meeting experience is like. Thanks!

97 days ago I quit drinking. I’ve tried to really explore ways to do this that will give myself the best shot. I do AA, SMART, and started therapy at Kaiser. After lots of research I knew that CBT was what I’m after therapy wise but kept getting the runaround from Kaiser until eventually they put me in the addiction medicine department.

I’m working with a guy who I’m liking less every week. I don’t feel like I’ve received a single insight or tool to help from him as our sessions just feel like “how’s AA going?” Check ins and hard sells (even though I go on my own and need no selling). Let me be clear, I really value AA, but it’s definitely not something I need health insurance for. I’m looking for research based stuff from my doctors that frankly is a gap left for me with AA I need filled.

I find in recovery circles people tend to be biased towards whatever program they worked and are closed off to other paths. I’m not a perfect AA attendee as I consume very small, infrequent amounts of weed and I’m unconcerned and unapologetic about it. It’s never been problematic for me.

Although it’s been six weeks since I had half a gummy this guy still brought it up several times during my session today. I had two major ruminating life issues in my brain really stressing me out and I never felt like there was a window to talk about it. I definitely wasn’t asked about how I was feeling. Just “Love that you’re doing AA, but you better quit weed”.

I know the obvious answer is just “get rid of this guy!” But I feel really touchy about it because getting in with anyone at Kaiser was a nightmare and I can’t afford this without my insurance. I also take adderall and have a weird feeling if I left he would recommend that prescription change. I feel trapped. This also feels kinda stupid after typing it all out lol.

It's Family and Friends Friday!

We often feel frustrated and resentful when our Loved One doesn't meet us when they say they would, or when we don't know where they are, or when they borrow money from us and don't pay us back. Instead of sitting with those angry feelings, we can set a boundary.

The F&F handbook tells us that boundaries are guidelines "to define what we feel are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around us and to treat us." The handbook also points out, on page 73, that boundaries can help us to build a healthier relationship with our Loved One. Sounds like a good deal, yes?

So how might we set a boundary? We can calmly use the Inform Request Inform method suggested in the handbook:

Inform: "I feel annoyed when I make plans and have to change them at the last minute."

Request: "Can I ask you to text me if you are going to be late, please?"

Inform: "If you are not willing to text me when you are going to be late, I will need to go ahead with my plans."

It's simple and brief, it clearly states what we would like to happen, and what we will do if that doesn't happen.

Have you set any boundaries with your Loved One? Would you like to share them with us?

Hello, I have been mandated to attend 52 weeks of substance abuse treatment by the courts. I have already completed 27 weeks, 24 of which were MAT. (I am no longer medicated) The company I went to, Groups Recover Together, dropped their Nevada patients and now I need to find somewhere else to do my meetings. Has anyone here used the SMART weekly verifications as evidence that they are attending substance abuse counseling? Group therapy is accepted, that’s what I’ve been doing the whole time. So why would this be any different? I just want to make sure before I waste my time and find out it won’t work. The courts said as long as the facilitators are trained in substance abuse treatment, it should be fine. Do the verifications have the facilitator’s information on them in case the court decided to contact them and verify my attendance??

I am neurodivergent & experiencing an overwhelming amount of stress. I’m emotionally dysregulated & in nervous system activation. The Enemy’s voice is screaming in my head and I know it’s a lie. I know I’m not really alone but I feel very isolated. Any advice and experience with avoiding (alcohol) relapse while enduring extended periods of trauma/crisis. One of my biggest challenges is dealing with being in Fight/Flight/Freeze/Fawn and de-escalating my own extreme response. My hands are shaking so badly I can barely type right now. I think a connection will help as much as advice, too. I’m in a place without community at the moment. I’ve been visiting these threads for a while but haven’t written yet, so…. Haha, I suppose I should say hi first. :) Hi, all. I appreciate being here and learning more about managing my recovery process. Thanks in advance for sharing.

For some context: I haven't touched my DoC for 41 days and I'm having a lot of sadness and overwhelmed feelings. Still talking my antidepressant/antianxiety meds and exercising a little every day.

Does anyone have a suggestion about where to start with SMART? I've been to a meeting; it wasn't my favorite but I can see how it could be helpful for some.

It will take a lot of determination for me to sit down and fill out a worksheet, so I'm wondering what has been most useful to you all.

Thanks!

One of the hardest things I’ve had to do in sobriety is live without the chaos I had grown so accustomed to. I still struggle with that feeling from time to time. Living a life of order is stressful. I was used to doing what I want when I wanted to do it, with absolutely no fear of any consequences that could come after. Now, I have to follow the rules. I am trying to live differently. That’s what this program is all about right?

Living differently is easier said than done. We lived in a hole buried under narcissism and vices. Our tendencies aren’t going to change suddenly because we decided to get sober. We need to build ourselves from the ground up. We need to change our thinking, our habits, and our view on the world.

I’ve said this before. We have to start by bringing some small acts of discipline into our lives. Think hygiene, cleanliness, organization and reliability. These things alone won’t help create the energy we’re looking for. We need to put our energy into SOMETHING.

When I get restless (which is more often than not) I journal, go for walks, and hit the gym. I’ve also recently started volunteering on my days off. The point I’m trying to make is that I’m pouring all of this restless energy into positive habits and hobbies. When it comes down to it, we have two choices. We can Wallow in boredom and self pity or actually take advantage of the opportunity we’ve been given.

These are not replacements for meetings, sponsorship and spirituality, but they are solid replacements for the chaos we’re so used to.

Went to my second meeting tonight and opened up a bit more than I did at the first one. The intense vulnerability of opening up even a little bit in front of complete strangers is nerve racking but everyone is supportive and that makes it easier.

Glad I found this program.

4months clean. DOC: anything possible. i stumbled upon one of the substances that i didn’t have a bad experience with and i picked it up. i can’t care im excited to use only this time. hah said every drug addict. i feel like shit for picking up. i took someones in need medication. now if i dont use it it will go to waste. i feel immoral. i took someones in need medication. selfish and i couldn’t care or i pretended not to. i couldn’t help it. it took over me i didn’t care to fight it. if i go on it will fuck up things with this guy i care about. he cant find out. no one can find out. i got to hide it. let the shame back in.

Namely, the sort who rejoice in being easily offended, and who make a sport out of reporting both facilitators and their fellow attendees

Any ideas as to what we do about such folk are more than welcome

For nine months, I've abstained from alcohol, yet I still see myself as an alcoholic. Recently, I turned to CBD, but now it feels like it's becoming a crutch or even another addiction. Can you offer some assistance?

Hey, any advice on getting into a national online meeting? Last few times, I get the pop-up that the participant count hit 300 and to try later. I’m kind of bummed. Is this normal? I haven’t been in a few months.

Any suggestions on other good online meetings (and links) I can try?

I guess i just needed to admit it, i guess i realized recently knowing and admitting are two different things. Im drunk as im writing this right now, i have to go to work in less than an hour. I started not dribking at work, but now; fuck i cant imagine going one shift without drinking. The worst part is, for some reason i dont want to quit. I should, i have every single reason to want to. But there’s something holding me back, its probably my own trauma, I need to face it. I just dont know how, i feel like it would be easier if i could just address the awful things that happened to me, its really not hard for me to forgive people. Its the awful things ive done myself, i don’t know how im ever going to forgive myself. Sorry if this was totally incomprehensible

Hey y'all. I'm an escaped American out here in the wild blue yonder. Why the heck is SMART so segmented and not interconnected by international accessibility? The app and she website seem to make it difficult for no obvious reason. The main SMART page doesn't even seem to link to the international page(s). Once you get to the international pages, formatting and page design is.. high variable in design and quality. Some don't exist anymore or have Zoom link or... seem to function really at all.
What gives here? This intuitively seems like it should be more inclusive and complete in design. I must be missing something.

I'm not sure if there is an actual term but I am currently in Friends and Family but now I want to explore my own habits around drinking and playing video games/being online.

I love my FaF group but I am nervous to be honest that it's not just my partner that has issues. I feel like I needed to start my recovery in FaF to understand how my own habits are holding me back.

Does anyone have any online meeting suggestions for me? I'm hoping the facilitator will have some experience with people in both programs. I've tried to go to a few 4 point meetings that were either full, defunct, or required cameras. (I'm shy). So I haven't been able to attend yet! Any help appreciated :)

Ok so I started smoking crack a couple of months ago since sniffing on and off for 20 years. I quickly noticed that I was craving smoking it more than sniffing it on my fortnightly 2-3 day benders. My last one was 3 weeks ago and I told myself it would be the last one.

But for the last week I’ve been planing a bender this weekend…putting bicarb and pipes into my Amazon shopping cart etc, even calculating how much I’m going to spend ordering from my plug too and how much I’ll have left over to pay bills! Telling myself, yet again, this will be the last time I will use, so I’ll go out with a bang and get half an oz in (twice as much as I would normally use)!

Total insanity! Firstly lying to myself that I can afford such a bender, and most importantly, forgetting how shit I felt after the last one…telling myself it was the last!

This time I’m trying something different. Venting my thoughts on here and in my sober app before I do something stupid! I still can’t remember how bad I felt after the last time but just writing this has made me realise how non sensical my thought processes actually are. I don’t want to give into the repeating cycle of “this will be my last” again.

Anyway thanks for listening, I just had to get this out of my head and be honest about how I’m really feeling. I’ve been to some SMART meetings the last couple of weeks and will be sharing this tomorrow. Any tips would be appreciated and it’s great to see some good sobriety reading through the posts!

This is the latest publication by SMART Recovery. I am sharing the link for the benefit of those who are not subscribed to their mailing list.

https://app.getresponse.com/view.html?x=a62b&m=B27wzL&mc=Ce&s=a6pTgR&u=BO1mO&z=EFCqtvw&

I’m starting to notice that I am confused about the hula hoop rule. I mean, I am aware that I don’t control anyone else (heck, I can’t even control myself), but if I just accept that, then when do I ever stand up for myself?

When people mistreat me (I am talking about objectively harmful behavior, not just boundaries) I am not sure what if anything I should do. Usually when this happens there is a power difference with me on the short end. So it’s rare that I even have the option of holding someone accountable and/or being made whole.

You can’t fight city hall, and this is even more so with respect to corporations that have expensive lawyers. I feel like I need to stand up for myself, or I give them license to do the same to other vulnerable people. OTOH, it feels like I am tilting at proverbial windmills. Just wondering how people apply the hula hoop rule in these situations. Yes we have to accept that the injury happened, but does acceptance mean that I simply move on without doing anything about it?

Last time I smoked was yesterday. Today I am having a hard time, I don’t want to but the urge is killing me. I usually smoke 3-4 joints a day, and trying to just give it up all at once is extremely difficult. I’ve done it before but only lasted a week and then I got right back at it. I am trying to stop for my health and because I’m becoming more mature and don’t want this to be part of my life.

Anything helps.