I don’t know if having vaginismus has killed my sexuality or if I never developed a sexuality. For context, I’ve never had an orgasm. I don’t think I’ve ever felt intense sexual pleasure. I don’t even try to masturbate anymore because I don’t have a clitoris that works like all women’s are supposed to (like an “orgasm button” . . . yeah, I wish) and because my vagina is a source of pain. I have zero urge to dilate.

What’s distressing to me now is that it seems like I can’t relax enough to even get lubricated. It’s like even my ability to get sexually aroused has started to go away. Having had vaginismus has made me question everything. I question why women have relationships with men. I question how women cope with being women and having the bodies we have. I question why I have a body most men could never ever love and other women just effortlessly have sex even a few days or weeks into a relationship and have bodies men love.

This condition has darkened my view of relationships and even other women because I feel like other women have bodies that work in a way that allows them to be loved (i.e., their vaginas let their partners enter them) and mine doesn’t.

I don’t know when I first developed vaginismus. What I do know is that I’ve never been able to use tampons. I think I tried at eleven or twelve and it was too painful. That was so many years ago. I tried dilators and could never use the largest one. Other women view PIV as no big deal, and it’s like they live in another world than I do. I hate it. I wish I had a feminine enough, attractive body that would let penetration happen. I want to be good enough. I’m so sick of feeling like my body is a letdown to a partner.

I’ve never been accepted by other women so experiencing this made me question my gender identity. I feel very alone; other women don’t understand me and I’m trapped in a body that most men would consider worthless. My vagina is worthless. When I’ve told my mom this, she has said she doesn’t understand why I feel worthless. Women who can have PIV and aren’t scared of having it have so much more value than me. I feel like they know it, but don’t say it.

In addition to never being able to relate to other women or make female friends and vaginismus, my mom always gets attention from men and I never do. She’s over 55 years old and she’s had guys in their thirties interested in her. Everyone does better socially than me.

I have a deep feeling that there’s something wrong with me. Having vaginismus for many years has changed my life for the worse. I’m so depressed lately I have to motivate myself to eat and shower. This has kept me up at night because I feel like I could be alone forever due to my body.

Having vaginismus has changed how I view relationships between men and women. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to have a partner. Lately, I’ve wondered if by the time anyone would ever show any interest in me if I’ll be willing to date them even there are warning signs of red flags. I say this because I’ve never been accepted. I’ve never been called beautiful by a man like almost all real women have. Part of me thinks I’ll never be loved by a man. I have a very unlovable body that no man would want. Having vaginismus has also changed how I view PIV sex.

I’ve wondered if women mainly have it for emotional reasons instead of physical enjoyment. I say this because women always have more to lose from PIV (pregnancy, STDs, cervical cancer, bruising the cervix, pain during) than men do. I feel like PIV is way more . . . distressing and scary for women than it could ever be for men (they’re the more active ones during and the ones penetrating). Maybe I just feel this way because I have an unlovable body, but it seems like women have sex especially PIV in exchange for a partner’s love or male validation.

I’ve wondered if other women feel this way. Like their ability to be loved hinges on whether their vagina can be penetrated or not, like PIV is the price women have to pay to be loved by a man, and like they trade access to their vagina for love.

If I won a lottery, I would be willing to spend thousands of dollars to be a normal woman. I feel like women who can let PIV happen and be entered and enjoy it (or act like they do for their partner) live in a different reality than women who can’t be entered and who have vaginismus.

Usually, men worry about performance. Women aren’t supposed to have to worry about performing in bed because our vaginas being present and letting a man enter is supposed to be good enough. It makes me feel distressed to think of my body being perceived as less feminine because it can’t be entered.

You’re single and 30 and nearly 31 and never been asked on a date or ever pursued romantically or ever lost your virginity 😃. I fucking hate seeing couples. I never thought I’d become that person. I used to love love. I still do but that part of me is deeply buried away somewhere. It’s so much worse during the holidays you can’t escape it. What’s the point of even starting to date now? Even if I wanted to start dating, I’d need to lose 100 lbs first and then take care of the loose skin/stretch marks and also fix my face. And then get deep into therapy and take communication classes on how to speak to people. How to not have social anxiety and mask autism better. How to be a normal person. Only then I’d feel slightly normal, and someone might actually want to date me. Even then it won’t be as good as I looked before I gained the weight. Or was born naturally beautiful/thin. Without a hormonal condition that ruined my life. Without an abusive household that made my life and mental health 1000x worse than the average person’s.

How have you been doing? Did you have plans for this weekend? This is the Social Sunday thread where you can talk about anything you'd like, FAW related or not.

https://youtube.com/shorts/88sotBI7OtU?si=6kLyQXO0xogHG647

I just saw this video and it’s crazy how men treat women like they aren’t human when they aren’t attracted to them, he called her a “thing” I believe most women wouldn’t do this to men unless they were just a bad person in general.

I started a new show for the first time in years and I want to see how it ends. I’ve been so disinterested from engaging in anything i was surprised I was so into the show.

How about you?

There's so much to unpack in the whole "men only want me for my looks" statement but I don't care to get into it. I just wanted to say how much I would love it if all a guy did was look at me and then decide to be nice to me and approach me. I'd love to get asked out randomly at a coffee shop because some guy thought I looked cute. I don't care if he likes my personality or not, mostly because I don't feel all that ashamed of my personality anyway. I like myself. But my looks? I like them sometimes, but it doesn't seem like others do typically.

I've been ignored, treated like I have 0 appeal, treated like I was ugly, called ugly repeatedly, told that "men only chase after us but they never seem to want you", "men seem like they can't wait to get away from you" (all this by my so called friends btw), etc. etc. I've literally been in groups where the women around me were getting compliments on their looks while I had to stand there and nod in agreement as I got skipped over.

If I got attention for my looks, I would be so fucking elated you don't even know. I think I'd probably marry a guy if he simply thought I was attractive as hell, I wouldn't even care about anything else at that point. I know that's not smart but holy fuck I do not care.

I am in shape, well groomed, wear makeup, and people always compliment my outfits, yet I never get approached or asked out by guys. I go to public spaces and literally never get approached. Maybe once a year I'll get approached, but it's by those creepy types of guys who approach everyone and see who "sticks." I am admittedly introverted but even introverted girls find boyfriends by their early 20s.

I didn't go to many parties in college but I was never approached on campus or asked out. The guys I've talked to were nice but in a platonic way. I haven't tried dating apps yet, but may try in a few months as a last option. The most guys do is smile at me and maybe they're just being polite.

Not to be rude, but in college a lot of the girls got attention, dates, and talked about their "sneaky links" but they weren't extremely attractive. Most of them are average or cute, so I'm not sure why they get attention while I don't. Maybe they're just more outgoing?

TW: Body image/ ED etc. I'm going to turn 27 this month. I feel so hopelessly depressed and defeated by the world.

I literally feel like I'm at my ugliest, and it makes me feel genuinely so low. I have spent about an hour looking in the mirror, contorting my face trying to find an angle where I don't appear totally hideous and I failed. I am about 60lbs overweight, and I've been struggling to lose this weight for months. I am actually sick of myself. Maybe thinness might help ease the ugliness, maybe it won't.But I won't know until I've lost it so until then I suppose I have to keep living in this prison of a body. My body isn't even the worst of it, I just have a hideous/ ugly face.

When I did weigh 30 or so lbs less, a couple of people did say I looked nice. But idk, I don't know if I even believe them. It wasn't enough to make me believe I am pretty.

What triggers me most is I remember feeling this way at 14, and what actually kills me is that nothings really changed since then. I never really grew out of that feeling, because I suppose it's not just a "feeling" it's my reality.

I really broke down tonight because I thought about how all these dreams I have dreamt feel like they're worth nothing. It feels like an absolute waste of time dreaming up a man that is going to actually love me. It's not happened thus far, why would it happen in the future? What even gives me a reason to believe that it will, my hope? That I've kept alive all these years.

I believe in God, and all I keep wondering is why? Why would God make me so ugly and repellent to men (though the weight is actually my doing) and then simaltaneously put such a desire in my heart to marry a loving,kind man? Men aren't nice to ugly women. It's not their fault, most people aren't nice to ugly people.

After my parents pass, and my brother marries, I will literally be left so alone in this world. What a painful, horrid existence.

I wanted to be married, have children of my own, have a family but I'm starting to feel like I should let go of all these dreams. Those dreams are for beautiful women, who have no problems finding men to marry and have families with. Whose going to do that with me? And I often think that if I do by some grace of God find someone to love me, he'll probably end up abusing me in some way because I don't imagine anybody could truly love me as I am. So what's the point anyways?

I don't think I was always ugly, I was a pretty child, I had a bit of tramatic childhood and struggled with my weight ever since. I feel so stuck with my weight, I feel my eating disorder thoughts brewing but it is very hard to live a life when you feel so huge and hideous.

What a painful existence...

duh. title says it all. i have been in love with someone for long and we kept in touch but he only tended to meet me when there was something like a project we both work on.

he does send little memer or videos on insta or lets ne know about new refords by ny fave artists but it was kinda telling that he didnt try to create and in person things just to meet.

he has been kind and helpful to me and more attentive than my own family or long term acquaintances (but, this seems to be the case when a person is naturally attentive to others who are treating them ok). it took long and today after ruminating and talking to chatgpt endlessly and being kinda frustrated with the ambiguity i asked him if we can meet in a cafe (i have some things that i can give him either when we meet for a work project in a few weeks or i can give them to him sooner in a cafe-some items from a foreign shop we both buy from online and since i traveled today i picked his items for him). his answer was a no, and it was not even covered or sugarcoated (like he would make up excuses or say hes busy).

which is kinda useful because no more rumination-no false hope, no endless what ifs and no overtinking. i knew he wasnt loving me like i loved him but thought he might be into me a bit (haha).

ha.ha. if he doesnt even want to meet for a coffee (there is no real reason not to, we live in a city chock full of cafes and quite near to each other) and there isnt a reason given, well it is quite clear. no reason to ruminate no doubts no hope.

i will live my life as before and i am used to things like that, but its clarity surprised me. maybe he senses the urgent energy and kinda decided it was time to be clear

Just wanted to see a pattern really, picked last for sports and relationships 🥲

I am talking to someone online and they live far away. I love food. I love cooking, watching cooking shows, and trying new restaurants. I also eat a lot of "weird" healthier versions of regular food because I have PCOS. The guy I'm talking to as ARFID, so he doesn't like going to restaurants and doesn't like food in general.

We are similar in other ways and he's a good guy. Should I ignore this and give him a chance? I've never been in a relationship before.

I never had a boyfriend. No one asked me out ever. I grew up being insecure about how I looked. I used to believe I had a lot of time to take care of things, but I was wrong.

Now, when I see other people marrying and that they started to date and have relationships back when they were teens, it makes me feel so left behind in life. I feel so inexperienced.

Also, for me, it was something like a taboo to get involved and do something sexual before marrying someone, and I never even thought about it. So I never had that desperation to have someone, but now I am just not able to handle my desires. I crave intimacy and human touch. I am not able to focus on my career or anything. All I think about is how different I am from other people, that I really missed on teenage love, and that I am still single.  

F (39) I'm a forever alone for a number of reasons.
Introvert who didn't really go out when she was in her 20's. I worked a physically exhausting 60hr week job just to barely make ends meet in her early thirties. I never got a boyfriend so I'm gonna be a 40 year old virgin. Now that my life is stable enough to enjoy a couple days off and normal work hours I find that I'm basically considered overall undesirable and unmarriable.

I think I might be Demi-sexual because the only time I feel sexually interested in some one was after I had a GOOD while to actually know them first. I don't know if there's a libido problems or if it means that something is wrong with me but I CAN'T understand how anyone could feel comfortable enough with anyone they've only been on three dates with to have sex with them. That is still a complete stranger.

Is this REALLY that standard now? I have a hard enough time trying to date as is it's just so much worse knowing that guys giving me a chance are gonna have a sex timer ticking over my head????

People call me slow, and use me as a negative example for everything... It hurts, and especially men do this. I feel like a failure, and just want people to ignore me at least.

sigh. I'm halfway through my first year of college and starting to lose hope again. I had managed to convince myself the reason I had no friends in high school is because I was just in the wrong place. and now I'm somewhere new, and not much has changed. I tried to pick a school for people like me, nerds, geeks, what have you. but I guess I'm too far gone for even them.

I try to talk to people, but I don't get much back. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I try to mirror the conversations other people have but it doesn't work.

I tried to join theater but I never got invited to any of the meetings. I thought being confident would work but I guess not... maybe they could tell I was faking . and now it's too late in the year to try anything else because I don't want to be the new kid again.

I don't even have a roommate because she dropped out. and everybody else in my building seems to find me annoying.

I'm just so tired and hopeless. I want to be normal. I want to have fun and make memories but no matter how hard I try I get nothing back. I don't want to be the weirdo eating in the bathroom for the rest of my life but it seems like the universe wants my head in the toilet.

Hi! I’m 17 years old and a senior in high school. I know I’m young, and I have my whole life ahead of me, but I can’t help but feel jealous of others around me… except, I’m feeling jealous of things I really shouldn’t be jealous about.

I know it’s bad, but whenever I hear a girl in my grade talk about getting cat called, asked out by someone she doesn’t like, unwanted texts from a guy, getting asked for her number/socials when she doesn’t like the guy, verbal harassment conveying creepy romantic attraction, etc, I get so insanely jealous.

I understand that those things are terrible, and that harassment isn’t okay, but I feel bad because I’ve never been harassed. Because of this, I feel so undesirable. Not even creeps want me romantically….

Even outside of the creepy realm, I’ve never had a romantic life. I’ve never had someone crush on me, ask for my number, ask me out etc. I seriously used to think that this was normal until I realized that almost EVERYONE in high school was/is in a relationship. I just feel so undesirable and unattractive.

However, I’m not desperate for a relationship- I don’t want to rush anything in my life or try desperately to fill a “void” in my life.

Rather, I just feel so behind on romance, but mostly, I feel so unattractive, undesirable, and alone. Knowing that nobody has liked me romantically really hurts, and it’s making me lose hope that I’ll ever find someone who likes me back. Sometimes, I feel like I’m too weird and unattractive for somebody to like, and it hurts.

I’ve never held hands with someone romantically, went on a date, hugged someone romantically, kissed, etc. I’m asexual (no sexual attraction) so for me personally, sex isn’t important to me, and I feel too young/afraid anyways. In short, sex isn’t what I’m worried about, it’s the romantic aspect that saddens me.

I wish I could just have the experience of feeling desired. I would rather be annoyed by the amount of people asking me out than be so lonely without anyone approaching me. Honestly, I’m not even surprised that nobody has liked me romantically. Even so, it makes me feel really sad and undesirable.

I’m sorry that this is so long- thank you so much for reading! I’m glad I could get this off my chest, especially in such a kind and supportive subreddit. 🩷

Comfort/advice is not necessary but would be much appreciated.🩷

Today I was at the mall, looking around. Others who were there were friends groups of couples and solo couples of women my age (20s) with their boyfriends…. All they did was women walking around, doing their thing, talking to each other shopping and their bf’s acting like 5yo clowns or living statues on their phones. They all looked the same and acted like monkeys - they mocked and negged everything they looked at (makeup, perfume, clothes), couldn’t behave, were so loud the employees were staring, knocked things over, made the gfs put makeup on them from testers, picked everything up - the men acted like actual children. They were literally just a nuisance. The girls could’ve had that experience in peace without some monkeys dressed in sweatpants and a cap making fun of everything they expressed love for and not knowing how to behave. The other type of couples were just the girl doing her thing and the man looking bored and being on his phone, standing in the middle of the store, staying 5 steps behind, etc. all the input they added to their gf is “idk” “what’s this lol” or straight mockery and teasing.

This was 80% of the couples I saw today. I’m not saying great relationships don’t exist, but that’s the exception not the rule . And mostly older couples in their 30s and 40s.

I’m saying that a good caring relationship is a special miracle these days and having a bf is just a meaningless nuisance most of the time

Your boyfriend would either be a 5yo man child clown constantly negging you or a stoneman with no personality who doesn’t add anything to you. Either way they both just want you for your body and don’t see you as a person

I'll be 23 next month and still can't get over the fact that I never really got to live a "typical" teenage life. Everyone talks about how being teenager was going to be the best time of your life before adulthood hits. I never got to experience that. It's not only just about relationships and being seen. I never was allowed to express myself and dress how I want, either. A female relative is starting middle school next year and I'm going to watch her go and experience things I was never able to. I know it's going to hurt so much.

So I actually have been slim, fit, was really neatly put together, but you know what?

Even at my absolute best I never garnered that sort of attention from anyone, it was just never enough to get a man to even look at me.

I was confident, driven, happy and felt content (mostly, no one's all these things always).

No one turned their eyes on me and saw beauty though. I just do not have the features.

These sort of comments are pure gaslighting.

NOT everyone will have others attracted to them, even if they tick off all the boxes to potentially draw someone in. That is me. Even at my best, my features are unattractive. I still deal with skin issues from childhood neglect, hair loss, an ugly body from those neglectful years. No one will be attracted to that, and those are things I cannot reverse.

That line just totally invalidates my experience with it all, and is designed to give false hope for something that isn't there.

And those comments are so infuriating bc it's always followed by "well you're not trying hard enough," "lose weight," "have some confidence and work on your depression!"

I have, and it was never enough, and why would it be now?

Me dealing with all that is purely for my quality of life, but it's never going to draw someone in.

Rant over, thank you for being a wonderful, understanding community always. I genuinely adore this place bc I feel understood for the first time.

A coworker and I were the last ones working late in the office yesterday. I hear that he picks up his phone and I can immediately tell that it was his girlfriend because of how high and sweet his voice become.

I knew that she was asking him to come home because he kept telling five more minutes. He asked her if she was ok and he kept giggling while talking to her. He said he loved her twice. She called one more time and again he was giggling and telling her that he's leaving now.

I sat there at my computer just completely numb. I never really heard in person how sweet a man will be when he is in love. I can't picture a man acting that way towards me.

He left a few minutes later and there I was alone in the office. I realized that my work ethic doesn't make up for my nonexistent romantic experience.

I came home to see my parents and my dog but how lucky is she that she finally got to see her boyfriend who she was so excited for.

Flat back, low butt, and genetically small glutes. This stunning combination means I am flat and straight all the way from my back to my thighs. Pants, skirts, everything looks like a diaper back there. I have no shape, even with a lifetime of squats.

Pair this with having a pot belly for some reason. The shape of my abdominals is weird. They curve outwards even if I have an empty stomach and suck in. So on bloated days I look pregnant and after meals I look huge.

Bad face, bad hair.

Winning combination!!

Allergic to make-up. Living in a hot climate having to walk everywhere means it is both stupid and unviable to dress up whilst going grocery shopping or to the drs.

Sure I could straighten my frizzy hair but it will immediately go bad again.

Makeovers don't last. My bad looks will. I've worked so hard on becoming a better person internally and i realise now it literally doesn't matter. I will be an annoyance to any man i talk to because I'm unattractive.

My heart is okay. I've grieved the future family that little me dreamt of. But damn. My mind will suffer forever because women only become invisible as we age.

I still can't believe it's actually happening.

Last week, I went to an event and met a guy there. We spent most of the evening talking and hanging out. He asked me for my number and wanted to get drinks afterwards. I couldn't at that time, but yesterday he asked me to go a museum with him then get drinks and we'll be doing that Black Friday.

This has never happened to me before. A guy that appears to be nice and normal and is age appropriate and that I met in real life and not on an app asked me out. And he asked me. I didn't have to initiate. It's seems kind of pathetic that this little thing is such a big deal. After almost 30 years of waiting, I finally get something that most people experience as children.

My anxiety laden brain can't help but think it's too good to be true and that there's going to be something big wrong with him. But I'm trying my best to curb my expectations. If I find out that this dude voted for Trump, my head will freaking explode.

It really triggers me when people deny the importance of looks. Whether online, on the radio, on TV, or in real life. Especially for a woman, it's all about looks. You can get away with personality disorders and mental problems when you are a hot, young woman. Society doesn't want to acknowledge that, so they engage into victim-blaming and gaslighting. When someone laments the fact that they are unlovable and undatable, they get inundated with stupid and useless platitudes: There's a lid for every pot, you'll find love when you least expect it, it's what inside that counts, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. All of that is trash because there is objectivity in beauty and ugliness. Or we get told to get hobbies, get a shower daily, put ourselves out there, join a book club. HA! As if all of that would make a difference. Will joining a book club fix my abnormal face? Sign me up.

I'm old. It's not gonna happen for me. Some of us are unlovable. I hope I accept it. I've wasted years trying to fix my problems to no avail. My problems are caused by my looks. I want to learn how to decenter men. However, I do hope it happens for you. Don't listen to what people say. If you have money, do your damnest to be more attractive. And be prepared that some of us are born unlucky and not even plastic surgery is sufficient. But you might be in a better situation, so I'm here cheering for you. Just don't lie to yourself and don't listen to trash advice.

I have posted about them before, we met years ago online and became close, lots in common, only person I felt comfortable being myself around etc. We started drifting apart around 2007-2008 as they were making other online friends, but we still spoke on and off. I often worried that they hated me but never told them.

I noticed things were off around lockdown/COVID-I sent them an Easter card (I always do), I never got a thanks, I gave them my sympathy after their mum passed away, lukewarm response..then silence from them for months. Found out they had gotten a new Facebook account and not even let me know. I was quite upset and blamed myself 'I'm boring, I've done something wrong, they hate me'. A few months later I decide to add their new account, hoping they'll say something like 'I'm sorry, I forgot about you' but they add me back, make small talk etc. but then nothing. Our birthdays are close together. I ALWAYS wish them a happy birthday. I left a birthday message on Sunday. Normally I get a thanks. This time..nothing. Mine is the day after. I always get a message. Again, this time-nothing. I keep thinking 'oh they might be busy' then thinking 'how can they forget, they KNOW it's the day after mine'. I feel like I've just been cast aside.

I know they have a new 'bestie' (I see her bragging about their friendship on one birthday message) and I don't blame them for ditching me. I'm a boring waste of space. I just miss them so much. I can't move on and make new online friends, there's nowhere for me to do so as I don't fit in anywhere. I just don't know how to move on from this.

spoilers for the substance, maybe? its a great movie go watch it

so ive watched it twice now, really loved it, but anyway the reaction i see from people online is all along the lines of "oh i appreciate my body so much more now, i have finally realized how futile the search for beauty is etc etc etc" and like yeah i get why a normal woman would think that, but that was not my reaction at all. specially the first time i watched, all i could think seeing sue live her best life was "i'll never have that". even if i can somehow make myself beautiful in the next couple years, i'll be old and therefore invisible still.

i feel like anyone would walk out the movie thinking lizzie made a horrible decision when she took the substance, specially since she was already beautiful... but here i am, 24 years old, wishing i could take the substance just so that at least some version of me could have an enjoyable life.

clearly, my brain is deteriorated past a point of salvation.

Now this is a post that will take reading more than just the title cause theres no TLDR. I see a lot of discourse on woman's desire to be with men as well as Sabrina Carpenter's music and performance and my thoughts on these things are related.

Firstly, I want to preference that I'm not talking about those who are addressing woman who harm themselves or others for male validation cause I know about part of this conversation deals with the US election and pick-me/patriarchy/male serving woman. Also there are things i think are worth criticizing Sabrina for (such as the "your ex dont do it for ya" line esp while dating a man with a child or other questionable lyrics from her entire discography, having a shoot that may have been referencing Lolita or kissing a feminine alien during a performance while being a straight woman) I don't think anyone even Jesus is free from criticisism or being disliked.

I specifically talking about the people that don't acknowledge that everything woman do isn't for the sole approval or men and can be entirely connected to their own desires. Like when woman are said about not having a relationship with a man, or wanting children, or wanting sex with men there are people who frame it as us thinking this way because of conditioning to serve men. But these desire can just be a natural part of them and it's not inherently centering the wants of men to want to have or do these things. Saying we need to decanter men and learn to focus on ourselves implies that a straight woman's romantic and sexual desires are real or natural to them and are only things they perform for men. It ignores that that could just be them centering their wants for themselves and searching satisfy all parts of there own happiness. Some of woman want sex with men and just like [good] men in their life. Some people don't like men, others dont like sex or romance in any compacity. The human experience is a diverse experience. But women's[straight, gay or otherwise] desires are always being pushed as something wrong or not natural.

I just think some of the response to [all] women desires are shame and apathy. Someone can like themselves and like there life but still want to connect with others platonically, familially, romantically and/or sexually. But somehow people only understand the platonic part when it comes to women.

Now why did I bring Sabrina into this? Because I see alot of the things she does that are clearly targeted to the interest and gaze of straight woman also being automatically delegated to the parts of her brands that are for men when a lot of her content does in fact resonate with the interest and enjoyment of woman too. Theres people that think liking her content is or means you are someone completely concerned with appealing (or centering, for the lack of a better word) to men. I'm specifying [straight woman] because ya know not all woman are the same or having the same desires. Which is something I think some people are not acknowledging when discussing SC. A lot of straight woman like her because her lyrics around sex and her fashion are focus on her desires in a way that is not focus on the man. Please please please feels to me very aligned with people trying have their romantic needs met but not wanting someone that would hurt them emotionally or socially(which men often do LBH). It's not the "cater to you" type of sexuality that a lot straight woman tend to feel the need to fall into. I think Megan thee stallion also falls into a similar space as Sabrina. A lot of the people saying SC is a [staight] male gaze artist aren't even straight woman so of course they can't connect with we connect with in SC cause they don't experience life as someone who is hetro and/or a woman. Some of them ignore that not everyone of the female sex is the same.

I like both those artist because they make me less ashamed of my own desires and I also find their music fun. I may not be able to directly relate since I'm a FA WOC but I can at least relate to some of the desire expressed and live vicariously through their content. They are both also look like the pretty girls youd see on your university campus which makes them feel more like real people. Unlike an Angelina, Kim K, or Idols. They make me feel more normal and humanize my desire and not like some disgusting heathen or male centered fool. It's fun and makes me feel hot and cool too and that maybe someday I could be hot and cool.

That's my rant of my thoughts this morning. Feel free to give your takes and discuss the topic. Going on a road trip with my fam. Have a good day everyone. ✌️

Hey I’m a chronically single unattractive woman. I’ve noticed that YouTube is recommending a lot of male channels of men venting about being single to me. These are faceless channels where someone is just talking with some stock photos I actually like channels like this because it feels more intimate. But I’m tired of these male channels. I can’t tolerate them for much because they all end up being dismissive of women’s struggles and a lot of them sound like douchebags as well. So I’m wondering if anyone here knows any female comfort channels that deal with this topic. I prefer faceless channels as well.

i'm not saying they have to be super duper nice to all women and treat all women like queens. i mean like when they hold the door for a woman and slam it in the face of another, or being super nice and helpful to a certain woman but wouldn't lift a finger to assist another in need.

this disturbs me so much bc i saw it happening in a family dynamic. my cousin's family has 2 girls & 1 boy. the boy's the youngest, has always been doted on. the boy's got a girl friend and they're very lovey dovey. He cooks and cleans for her and i've never seen him helped out his sisters, who btw have been taking care of him since a young age.

I'm not bashing the girlfriend, btw, this isn't about her. I'm talking about the boy. I say "boy" but he's in his mid 20s. He's still using free resources and labour of his sisters and sometimes get annoyed when they ask him for help with something around the house but he's happy to do everything for his girlfriend. When his sister got sick he didn't even check in on her and the only response he had was "damn". She was limping around for days and not a single "how r u?", "do you need help?" coming from him. I've known them since a young age and the things his sisters sacrificed for him...it pains me to think about that and see how he's treating them now.

I'm shocked, speechless. I asked the sisters how they feel about this and all they do is sigh. From what i can see he has no respect for them. But you know what the twisted part is? Being the male, once their parents pass he's going to get most of the inheritance while his sisters who have been providing most of the labour needed to run the household will get bits and pieces... It's scary. Your own family would treat you that way. Not surprising but still, scary.

So long story, when you’re not conventionally attractive or lack self esteem(which these two things go hand in hand, but I digress), when you like someone, you go into a state of limerence.

Per google, limerence is an involuntary state of intense romantic desire for another person. It can be caused by a combination of psychological, biological, and environmental factors.

Obviously, I grew up with some of these since this tends to hit me. I haven’t had a romantic interest in a while and I met a new coworker that just joined. Well, he started talking to me and I thought it was like oh a special thing, but after our last meeting, I’m starting to think it was just him being extroverted and I low-key had a crash out about it 😔

This is what I mean, when I find someone I like and someone who treats me nice, it’s like I become a leech. I offered up my social media and blah blah even thought we had only talked three times prior. But again, after our last meeting, where he did ask me about an event I had mentioned him and other things, I think I finally got the vibe that he actually doesn’t view me that way :( through body language and general other stuff. And it’s like, this stuff never happens to me, like someone liking me, so I just freak out and it’s literally just a few times we’ve talked before. It’s not a gradual thing, I just like them automatically and that’s so bad I know, but I feel like you can get a grasp on people on first or second conversations and that’s how I felt about this guy. But he did nothing wrong ya know, it’s just his nature to be kind and I mistook it for something else. I don’t know, im just desperate for love and it shows at the slightest chance of it being something with someone. I hope some other girl gets at what I’m saying :( They say women are single because they want to be, not because they can’t find someone and I disagree.

Sure, if you’re a woman, there are guys lining up to just have sex. That’s a given. But finding a guy that wants to know you on a deeper level and actually cares about you as a human, that is not as easily accessible as many men seem to think. 🥲

Now excuse me while I listen to songs about a heartbreak about a breakup that never even happened 💀