I've been on the fence about plastic surgery for over a decade. Mostly in regard to going under anesthesia and the possible risks involved. I've seen therapists and finally decided to go through with it. My looks are already in the basement, so being botched isn't much of a concern.

My surgeon actually specializes in facial feminization surgery for MtF individuals. He's been incredibly kind and respectful to me - apparently I'm not the first biological female to seek his help for having very masculine features.

On Monday I'm having 3 surgeries on my face and will have 2 more in about 6 months.

I'll let you guys know if anything changes in terms of how people treat me. I don't have very high expectations, but hopefully I'll be wrong.

Good mojo would be much appreciated!

I mean these people giving me these comments usually mean well, but I get so irritated when people talk about how I’ll make a good girlfriend and a good wife. My bad experiences with men are only telling me that I don’t deserve a relationship with someone I want.

My bad experiences with me is just telling me this: - “ these are the men that you deserve to deal with. Your standards are way too high. You’re too ugly and not good enough for the kind of men that you would want relationships with. Stop wanting a man around your own age. They don’t want you! Don’t you get it? Any man who ever shows you interest is a man who is completely and utterly insane. Stop complaining. At least guys are attracted to you. Either you pick any of these guys that come your way or stay single forever. It’s your choice.”

Thats just the hard truth. It has nothing to do with vibes, or confidence, or the most ridiculous one, that you’re “too pretty” and that’s somehow intimidating. All of these are grasping at straws trying to find anything other than the simple fact that you might just not be attractive enough.

I see this on tiktok, of women in their late 20s/30s talking about how they’ve never been in a relationship before. The comments will be filled with the same things I mentioned above or that the men don’t deserve them but 90% of the time the girl just isn’t very pretty. You can be shy and insecure with major rbf and still get a partner as long as you have the face of a tiktok/instagram influencer. Everyone is so used to seeing beautiful people on social media and it’s infinitely harder for those of us who don’t look like that.

Take my friends for example. One is extroverted and confident but not conventionally attractive. She’s never been in a relationship. The other is shy and timid but has had boyfriends because she’s cute. I myself used to be bubbly and social and yet guys never talked to me. I’m now more jaded and apparently that’s a problem. But I’m glad I realize this now instead of trying to “fix” my personality. Many women don’t and cope by saying that they’re too good for men even though no man has ever approached them. And men act like looks don’t matter as long as the girl is kind and smart. Complete BS. Looks can be the difference between being pursued for a relationship vs. being used and ghosted. But people refuse to accept this.

I met this person online (not on reddit but a different social media platform) through a shared interest and they asked for my contact. I initially wasn’t attracted to them , but over the next few months we became close and had a lot in common. They were really nice and I thought they liked me but I assumed wrong I suppose.

They happened this past summer, so several months ago- almost a year and I can’t stop thinking about them still.

I keep imagining them reciprocating feelings and cute scenarios of us together. I feel like I’m going crazy, especially since I’ve never even met this person in real life. I can’t help but wonder if I was prettier or more interesting they would want me.

I saw this comment in a thread that especially struck a cord:

If it was mutual, it would be love and happily ever after, not something you are trying to recover from.

I really wish I could forget them, I hate how much time I spend day dreaming about them. I can’t fall asleep without even thinking about them either. It’s all consuming and I don’t think they think about me at all. Not sure how long it will take this obsession to stop.

This is your weekly accountability thread! Many users wanted to find accountability buddies to help with reaching various goals: saving money, going to the gym, socializing, taking care of their health, etc.

What are your goals? Do you need a fellow FAW to step up and kick your butt today? Do you want to cheer for someone who needs some motivation? You can do it here!

I think maybe I got hit on yesterday. This guy showed up in my aisle out of the blue and said hello and asked my name and then shared his name and shook my hand.

Then he said I'm beautiful so I shyly said thank you and he asked if I'm married or single and I answered that I'm single.

He told me where he works (he pointed to the company name on his work shirt) and I asked where it is and he said across the way or something.

Then I said sorry I have an ear infection so it's hard to hear you. lol He had a little trouble hearing me too I think.

Anyway he was just continuing to stand in the aisle and I noticed he was holding onto the end of my shopping cart (which seemed kinda weird to me lol because it's not his cart).

I thought of asking if he wants my number? Or should he have asked? The silence was kinda awkward and I was still in shock by the whole thing. I felt bad and unsure what to do next..

We were both just staring at the shelf and so I got ready to leave and started to push my cart forward and then as soon as I did he walked over and gave me a side hug goodbye and left the aisle.

Is it normal for a guy to hug a lady he just met? He was Indian I think. Maybe different cultural norms?

The rest of my time in the store I just felt like wtf just happened.

I don't even know why it's like this for us. Go on any social media and see an ugly girl, the comments will be misogynistic but relatively mild. Go on the comments for a PRETTY black girl and you see nothing but hate upon hate, with extra racism and sexism sprinkled on top, EVERY single time. There's an account on Twitter that is dedicated to just bashing black women that has over 100K FOLLOWERS. I never see anyone call it out like they do with the other bigoted accounts.

I feel really sorry for young girls who may have just joined social media and this is what they see. You need to be at least a 9/10 to be treated with the same respect that a 3/10 woman of any other race gets, and even then it's not guaranteed. On top of that, the negative stereotypes that I have never seen in real life never stop following us. When anyone else is rude it's "feisty", but when a black woman is rude it's "ghetto". I simply don't know why it's like this, it was over before it even started. I just hope that when I die I'll be reincarnated into another planet where things like skin tone and non-Eurocentric features don't automatically make someone ugly. I really don’t think there is any hope for me anymore

Before lockdown, I (F23) had two close friends.

One of them suffered from an eating disorder and is now better.

This friend of mine, we were really close and our friendship lasted for 4-5 years.

She started to make body shaming comments and would also project it on me, assuming I had an eating disorder.

At first, it wasn’t a big deal but the comments started to affect me mentally.

I wouldn’t be surprised if I suffered some form of body dysmorphia.

Eventually the comments got bad and I didn’t like it. It didn’t just come from her but other people making remarks of how much I eat and how thin I am.

I decided to write a post on how body shaming affects me and re-read and re-wrote the whole thing numerous of times so it wouldn’t come across as offensive.

Eventually when the post had been revised, I published it on my personal account.

I didn’t accuse anyone. I wrote how body shaming affected me. I wrote how people would make fun of me and the phrases they would use.

I didn’t point my finger at anyone.

I am guessing, she read the post and since then stopped communicating with me.

6 months went by, including my birthday and she didn’t wish me, she just liked my birthday post.

During this time I was really stressed and suffering from chronic pain and illnesses. Regular GP (PCP) and hospital visits along with my mental health deteriorating.

I realised she wasn’t going to speak to me or even try to communicate.

So I cut off contact a year ago.

I don’t have much friends now, since I have now graduated and moved back home along with not landing a job. Now that I am home, I feel remorseful and wish I never said anything. I tried to put a boundary up and it cost me my friendship.

I know it had to be done otherwise I would have mentally and physically suffered a lot.

I am now getting dreams about our friendship when I wake up in the morning and I don’t know how to feel.

I am starting to feel a bit resentful because she didn’t care about the friendship and that’s why she stopped speaking to me. I waited for months for her to say something, but she just stopped communicating or engaging in past texts / posts I would upload on Instagram.

When you cut people like that especially for 6 months without communicating, it can only signal they don’t want to speak to you. I didn’t even say anything wrong and somehow after a year I am suffering.

I was also with her when she was having relationship problems with my other friend, I also cut him off a year before her for various reasons. She is still in contact with him but not me.

I wonder how would I feel for things that in my situation I see as privileges that pretty or just averege looking women get: being offered to pay for you, getting presents, being smiled or looked at, being offered to help you with stuff.

I really don't know how I would feel about those things. I am not sure I would love men (or people in general) paying for me or bying me gifts. It would make me feel like I did something wrong even if I didnt ask for it, and like I owe them something. But I really have no idea - maybe I would also be flatterd? Is it a nice feeling when someone is offering to pay/help you with other things? I seriously can't bring myself to imagine myself getting in a room and having someone not diverting his eyes from me from the very first split of a second. I can't imagine anyone looking at me. When I try to imagine that my face had miraculously changed and going to the street and being looked at, not to mention being pursued romantically , I feel uncomfortable and weird, but maybe it's because I am not used to it.

Would I be flattered just to being pretty? been told I was pretty by someone? How would I feet if someone said it to me? Thing is that girls who are even just nice looking are been told so pretty much since they are born until the day they die, so I imaging it can not be as flattering as I imagine it. They get use to getting all the goodies since they are very young, so how much more flattering is it gonna get?

What do you think? Do you also imagine what would your life be if you looked different? In those little daily things. Can you bring yourself to imagine that? Would you be flattered by getting good tratment just because your happen to have a pretty face?

A mutual friend(24M) messaged me asking how I was doing on Sunday. I thought this was strange since he rarely reaches out to anyone and is flaky with answering texts to everybody but welcomed it. I’m always appreciative of a how you’re doing text! Or so I thought.

I replied back saying I was doing ok and asked how he was doing in return. It’s Thursday and he still hasn’t responded yet. I thought maybe he’s busy…until I saw him responding to comments on his Instagram post yesterday the SAME NIGHT he posted it.

Ngl, this made me really mad. Like you have time to reply to instagram comments but not someone you know in real life??? I’d much rather him not message me at all than pull that shit. I don’t even care enough to follow up or ask if he forgot.

I’m very understanding but at this point I can’t help but think he’s fake. I feel like he’s just messing with my head and I can’t be friends with him anymore. I’m just gonna make small talk if I see him at anything with mutuals to keep the peace. On the bright side that’s even if he shows up since he cancels at the last minute most of the time.

I have so many late assignments because I was busy rotting in bed, crying about shit and sleeping.

Gonna make it a habit to work on shit whenever I feel depressed about being FAW

I'm a little near sighted so things get fuzzier the farther away they are. For like the last 5 years I didn't wear glasses because it makes me look more unfortunate. Tried contacts but my eyes would be irritated a lot no matter how clean I tried to be with them. So I've been living life in fuzzy land and looking into getting PRK but recently I decided to just throw in the towel. Why risk eye surgery side effects like dry eyes or nerve damage? Me without glasses hasn't gotten me any dates so the situation will be the same if I wear glasses. Gave up and went full nerd with some black acetate frames idgaf

So I was once again told by a guy the day of a first date that “something came up at work” and he can’t make it. Why does this keep happening to me? Why do men like to make a mockery out of me and my feelings? Why do they ask me to meetup, make plans and then cancel last minute? What did I do to deserve this? I keep asking myself that.

I’ve been to 3 social outings the past week where everyone was in a relationship. I guess they were more attractive than me in some capacity? But at this point I guess everyone looks better than I do haha. But to hear that every single one of them met on a dating app and had it work out was like being stabbed over and over. Feeling like I have some sort of curse that can’t be broken. Dating apps are the only way I ever get asked out and then every guy flakes on me. I know if I was hot this wouldn’t happen. Then they’d be dying to meet me cause what man lets a hot woman get away? I’ve committed to socially isolating myself now because I can’t take going places and hearing how everyone else is in a relationship except me. I can’t take people asking me about my dating life, if I’m dating anyone and why I’m not.

Why do people feel the need to ask me about my dating life? Isn’t it obvious that no one wants to date me? I guess I can’t blame them. Dating and relationships are a normal part of life for most people. Just not for me. I wish they wouldn’t ask. I wish they would read my mind somehow and know how undesirable I am. But they’re so privleged they probably don’t realize people like us exist.

i really dont know what to do. i always understimate the internet, is really easy to someone track you online. i heard ppl making jokes about what i had written here and being a FAW could give more fuel to ppl hate you. these ppl never liked me anyway but now that they know these information they understand how i really am. and defo they dont think anything good with me saying these things.

The main reason I hate being forever alone is because it makes me feel intrinsically unlovable and I just crave human affection but lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how shitty it is in terms of finances and just your daily life in general. Being financially responsible for myself with no second income is so exhausting. Just the pressure to sustain a basic standard of living. I’m constantly scared of losing my job because I don’t have a second income to rely on while I’m trying to find something new. Having no one to split rent or groceries with. Coming home from a long day at work and having to do everything on my own, all the chores, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry. Let alone having no one to talk to about issues at work. I can’t believe this is going to be my life forever. If I was forever alone but rich, I would just use my time on this planet to travel to all of those places I’ve only seen pictures of, get to know new cultures and rescue dogs. It would be a fulfilled life in spite of being alone but I am too broke to even do any of these things.

Knowing how many women are prettier than me and have great careers/social lives, I don’t think I could ever measure up. Even if I got a boyfriend, I’d doubt he’d settle for me. At most I’d probably be used for sex and then eventually dumped. I’m at a point know where I’m accepting that it’s probably for the best that I remain single for the rest of my life. What’s the point if I’m miserable?

I notice that the older i get the less i dream about. For example, in my teenage years and twenties i imagined/dreamed about being a guy’s obsession and that he pursued me romantically, maybe even that i had several suitors, that thr guy i was attracted to wanted an exclusive relationship with me and was jealous and possesive in the positive sense of the word. after 5 rejections from men i was attracted to and no male attention in general whatsoever unlike attractive girls i realized that it was just impossible for me to get this in reality. Then after i fell in love with a woman at first i also dreamed about an exclusive relationship with her but when i realized she was probably not single anymore i started for the first time fantasizing about being her “side chick”. Since that is not ethical i fantasized about her partner being polyamourous (even though that’s not really as exciting in a way, but still). When she rejected me i fantasized she got some kind of rejection kink and i liked it even though it meant we couldn’t be together. When it turned out she was not attracted to me WhATSOEVER i started dreaming about her pitying me. Now i am in love with another woman and it’s basically the same. The only things i still dream about are that she and her husband are polyamourous and she is attracted to me or that she is attracted to me even though we cannot even have a relationship because no one would accept such a thing especially not her child. But that’s ok with me if i just am able to get mutual attraction for once in my life. Since knowing what mutual attraction feels like is probably also not in the cards for me i also fantasize that she has pity on me or maybe i guess i would be satisfied if she just likes me platonically and is not just repulsed like the others. And lately, i think i am even satisfied if it’s all just in my imagination. I at least have my fantasy.

Does anyone else have lowered their ways of being satisfied romantically with age? I like it. It is an adaptation to circumstances like my orientation and it helps me feel better. I can recommend it to anyone.

I thought I’d never do dating apps again but I downloaded one last week. I’ve match with a man a few days ago and he is too good for me.

He is handsome, works is finance, has a lot of hobbies, owns a flat in a nice area of our city and seems like a really nice and interesting person.

Where as I am unemployed, have no money, have dept, still live at home in an abusive household in a poor area, have no hobbies, am ugly and in bad shape (the only thing I have going for me is that I am starting to lose weight). I do plan to get Invisalign and fillers this year too.

I have lied to him and told him I live alone and have a job. Also the photos on my dating app have filters.

What should I do?

I’m done I simply give up Life isn’t for me Watching myself in the same position I’ve been in since forever is tiring. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t wanna feel anything. Life is so beautiful love is beautiful everyone is happy but me. I get it I’m not meant to have or experience any of that. It’s just me & my ugly face. I don’t have any passion to live. But I’m not suicidal I’ll just wait quietly till d.eath finds me. I don’t hate myself anymore it’s not my fault. It’s just my destiny. I should’ve just accepted it.

I have very severe acne scarring all over my cheeks and jaw. I also have very deep stretch marks over the top of my breasts. I have many other flaws, but these two things are unfixable even with plastic surgery or other methods. And I'm 100% sure even the prettiest woman would be seen as unattractive with my scarring. So there really is no hope for me.

I am a virgin at this age, not even a first kiss. I am incredibly ashamed of this and just stay home all day. Since I work from home, I haven't actually left the house in over a month. I don't really have friends except a couple of friends I talk to and meet like 3 times a year. I feel like most people just ignore me, which hurts on its own. But if they don't ignore me it's either because they pity me or maybe make fun of me.

I am too far gone at this point. I have thought of suicide many times, but never actually attempted. I remember even since I was a little girl, the only thing I wanted was to be beautiful. So my situation is like my own personal hell. I don't understand why after all the other difficulties I went through in life, I had to become irreversably disfigured too? I haven't bullied or hurt anyone, not intentionally at least. Why is my luck so bad? I feel like I've been cursed.

PS please don't try to give me suggestions about acne scarring. I've done treatments and even a phenol peel, nothing worked for me. I may just be a poor responder, so double unlucky. Yay for me, I guess.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh

I barely slept last night thinking about this.

We matched on Hinge. He seems okay. I don't know enough about him so it's essentially like meeting a stranger almost. We've only been talking a few days and he asked for a date really quickly which usually gives me the ick but right now beggars can't be choosers, and I've just gotta get out there. It's been two years! But I'm so socially inept! I'm so worried he's going to be awful! Ahhhh!

i very much struggle with dating (social interaction really) but i’m talking to someone from a dating app and they seem cool. more than that, they seem like they actually want to talk to me. we matched on an app a few months back but i ignored some messages because i was in a different city. a couple of times i noticed that this person would check out my instagram story, they don’t follow me so i know they searched for me specifically. we’re talking more and have moved to text now that i’m in the city. i feel so awkward and i never know what to say or how to respond and i feel like i am talking too much about myself and i should ask more questions but i never know what to ask or when to ask. i have a million questions. what is your favorite color? do you like romcoms? where do you like to go to dinner on your birthday? tons and tons of random get to know you questions, but when does one ask? we are talking about work and public transit, do i randomly pose an unrelated question? is it weird? am i being invasive for asking? i don’t know. i feel like i’ve lost all social knowledge and don’t know how to talk to people

Everyone around me (including therapists) convinced me that it was my fault, that the reason why I have never had a boyfriend was because of my personality or because of something else that I could change. That I had nobody to blame but myself. Turns out the REAL reason I have never had a boyfriend has 100% to do with my looks. 

Think about it. Is it easier/less painful to attribute our failures to our personality, or is it easier/less painful to come to terms with the fact that we are physically ugly? 
I know I sound like a broken record. Some people might feel genuinely bad for you and will try to cheer you up or convince you that you have body dysmorphia, but they end up doing more harm than good. For years I believed that I had a shitty personality (and now I do have a shitty personality!) and that I had to be a doormat and buy gifts and do favors to get a man... that if no man was attracted to me it must have been my fault. Deep down, I knew the truth. I knew that men were and are repulsed by me for things I cannot change; but I still lingered on that false hope that it must have been something about my personality that made me unapproachable. 
I am a monster. It doesn't matter what hobbies I have, it doesn't matter how many languages I can speak, it doesn't matter how well I can cook, I am grotesque. No man will ever be genuinely attracted to me. I can't blame them. However, I am pissed that I blamed myself for years. 
Please don't blame yourself for things that are out of your control. All I want to do now is hug myself, cry, and apologize to myself for engaging in psychological self-harm (because, after all, believing that you have a shitty personality that is repelling guys is a form of self-harm if the real reason is your physical appearance). 

after i experienced some things which the majority of them were really painful, shameful and just gave more trauma i tried to think why these things still are happening with me. and then, suddenly the answer was that i'm getting older. ppl are noticing that and i even tried to say to myself that wasnt true, but actually they are and always were. that is why ppl dont tend to respect me, or being nice and cordial with me. because i'm ugly and apparently old too. all these years i convinced myself that i've certain age and in fact i dont behave like someone of my age. i always thought that someone with my conditions behave a certain way (depression and other things) and that is why i'm "different" but the majority of ppl who have my age dont have any of these issues. they tend to be healthier and less maniac or neurotic about somethings. and the worst thing i could do, i did. what i did? i tried to live and behave like someone with my age and now, i'm a living joke in the town i live. i really cant leave my house without feeling ashamed and thinking that everybody is laughing at me. because after these ppl realized that maybe i'm older that i tell them i'm, they tricked me in doing things i shouldnt had done. i shouldnt had dated some type of man (actually i shouldnt date ANYONE in my entire life), shouldnt accept being in certain conditions, shouldnt have some self destruction behaviour that ppl in my age dont behave. now that i'm realizing all of that, i really dont know what to do. if i start to taking notes from ppl around me, like idk paint my hair, try to lose weight, maybe going to do a new college these ppl will laugh even harder at me, make even more jokes about me. i would give them more fuel to them to hate me.

i never noticed or never cared about getting old and the labels that old ppl has. and now that i'm old, i'm realizing why ppl dont like getting old. because they dont want to admit to themselves that they need help, they dont want to behave in a way ppl on a certain age behave and all of them makes everything possible and condemn all of the things and could make them older. and i didnt do it. i lived my life to myself thinking that all ppl of my age behaved exactly like me and it wasnt the true. and that is why i never fitted anywhere, that is why i dont feel comfortable anywhere and i cant trust anyone.

but i never cared because i always thought that i was younger and a late bloomer. but evidently i'm not. and because of that, it will almost impossible to me date someone in the future. because ppl know that i'm old and nobody want to date a old lady and having a family or children with them. so i guess i'll a weird and forever alone woman. i'm really sad that i had some bad behaviour early in life and know that i'm officially old i dont have any choice, i dont have the right to choose if i want to date, marry or wanting to have sons or daughters. i dont have choices because nobody want anything with me. i became a forever alone because i was always a insuffurable, depressed, angry, ugly, fat woman.

It seems that my obsession with sex comes in huge part with the reason that it always felt like something I wasn’t allowed to do, or partake in, simply because other people found me off putting and unattractive.

So much of my life, if not most days since turning 13 have been me trying to reclaim this, trying to reclame my right to exist as a person, to be, to desire, let alone love and be loved.

I’ve done everything, money is a huge factor and my mental health has caused me to fall behind my peers, precisely because of all the time I’ve spent hyperfixated on my appearance over the years.

I want to allow that little awkward girl to exist, and this imperfect woman to desire. And even if other people shouldn’t even be in the image, I would love to see the reaction and look in their faces finding out that the “plain” girl had so much to say.

I don't understand it. I really don't. I liked a guy, and I genuinely thought he and I were roughly the same level of attractiveness. As in, somewhat below average to average looking. But he still didn't like me. He still thought I wasn't enough. He still treated me like I was some random ugly girl he knows, when he's not all that good looking himself. I liked him because I liked his voice, I thought he was funny, and because he had a manly personality. But apparently, nothing about me was good enough to make up for my lack of looks. And get this, it turns out that he has a girlfriend! And she's really beautiful too.

While I was crying my eyes out over him and wondering what I could possibly do to be enough for him, he had someone like her. I thought that maybe he was just too busy, too inconsiderate, just didn't flirt or have interest in romantic relationships, but no. He wasn't too busy, he wasn't too inconsiderate, he was interested in a relationship, at least when it came to her. I keep imagining how it must've been like when they met, and how he must've been drawn to her immediately, and then flirted with her and showered her with attention, only to eventually ask her out. And it fucking hurts to contrast that with how he treated me — like I was nothing. And of course he treated me like I was nothing. Of course he gets to act arrogant. Of course he was so unaffected and indifferent. He has a woman like that into him, so he can act like I'm beneath him. He has every aspect of his life figured out, while I have nothing. I am nothing.

I get that it's whiny, but it's not fair. It's so fucking unfair. How can he get someone beautiful to love him, but I can't even get a guy in my "league" to give me basic respect? Why? Why do I have to be treated like I'm the unattractive one, like I'm less than him? Why does he get to have every aspect of his life work out for him? Why is he more worthy than me? Why is he more deserving than me? I don't get it and it's infuriating and upsetting all at the same time.

I still thinks looks are what matter most, but it seems that some people can make up for it with their personalities or other things. But to think that I'm lacking in even those areas. It's like god decided that I was going to have absolutely no attractive traits at all.

I hate him so much. I can't stand the thought of him living his life happily without me. Maybe I'm just delusional and I somehow look even worse than he does, but I've stared at pictures of myself and him obsessively just trying to understand — why does he get to have love but I don't?

If you feel like crap and want to tell someone but don't want to make a thread about it, come here and tell us what bugs you. Whine, rant, vent, bitch, complain to your heart's content.

My sister’s always been very difficult. She’s been with her boyfriend for a year now and she’s super abusive to him. I was allowed to stay at their place for a few days when I had to go to their city for work and was absolutely horrified by how she treated him. Her boyfriend does everything for her, he worships the ground she walks on. He pays all her bills and she doesn’t have to contribute anything. She’s unemployed and he’s the only one with a job and when he comes home from work he has to cook his own food because she doesn’t even cook for him. She doesn’t clean either and yells at him for not doing enough chores. She’s just on the couch with her phone 24/7. Whenever he tries to say something to her, he has to repeat her name like 5 times before she looks up from her phone. The worst part is, that she doesn’t allow him to have any contact with his own family. She completely isolated him. When she found out that he sent his own mother and sister a present for Easter in the mail she completely lost it and verbally abused him calling him ugly and a wimp and making him cry. She got so mad that she even downloaded tinder in front of him just to spite him. But in spite of all these things, he thinks she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to him. He’s always gushing over her, constantly showering her with presents while getting absolutely nothing in return. She doesn’t even put effort into her appearance or anything, f*ck, she even goes to bed with her normal clothes on sometimes because she’s too lazy to change and nags him 24/7.

It’s just mind boggling how she can “pull” someone like that whereas I am constantly trying to work on myself in order to be good enough to attract someone but I’m still failing. The amount of effort I put into having a career, working out every day, doing numerous beauty treatments, listening to self improvement podcasts and yet here I am, no one wants me. I’d do anything for someone who would treat me half as good as her boyfriend treats her but that’s the paradoxical part, I feel like the more I try being a good person, the less people want anything to do with me. I don’t know what I’m even trying to say with this post. Probably just venting

This is a terrible thought that's been floating around my head for years, but today it hit like a truck. If this is offensive, please remove it.

I'd like to preface this by saying I know sexual assault is a terrible thing to go through and I'm sorry to anyone who has had to experience that. It can happen to anyone and the perpetrator has no excuse.

This was triggered by a conversation between my friend and I. We were talking about fashion and what we like to wear. I said I personally wear skirts and dresses a lot because they're more comfortable to me than pants and I don't like how pants feel against my legs. She, in turn, told me that she can never wear skirts because every time she does, someone on the subway harasses her.

This was a huge shock to me. I knew catcalling and the like is not a rare occurrence especially somewhere like public transportation, but this really hit home how different our experiences are. I usually brush it off as our body language is different or she lives in a shadier area. But now I really can't deny there is something fundamentally different about us. We both take the same transit system multiple times a week, yet I have NEVER been catcalled, stared at, asked for my number. Meanwhile, it CONSTANTLY happens to her. On top of that, I wear short skirts and dresses almost every day, which, according to her, practically guarantees harassment. I was also reminded of how the ONLY time I ever experienced catcalling in public is with other girls, so it wasn't even directed at me, probably. And going out with friends, I often witness them get complimented or flirted with while I'm not.

I usually think I'm pretty cute or at least average. I thought my friend and I were on the same level. But this conversation on top of similar experiences really put things into perspective. Am I uglier than I think? Am I being delusional when I feel pretty? I'm in shape and present feminine, so my face really must be ruining things.

I'm seriously ashamed to admit how jealous I am. It's not like I want to date any of these gross men, but I'd still feel validated by their attention. I'm not blaming any victim for what happens to them. No matter what you're wearing or how you conduct yourself, no one is ever asking for harassment. But I can't help but wonder if looks really have nothing to do with it, as people claim because what else could explain how differently my friend and I are treated? It happens so consistently that it cannot be luck. What does it say about me if even human scum don't think I'm worth their time?

Things like this really makes me feel alienated from other women, ugly, and make me hate myself even more. Who in their right mind craves validation from scummy men??? wtf. I just wanted to rant and know if anyone else felt the same way. That seems like the only thing that'll make me feel better.

does anyone else feel that getting a partner is so out of reach for them because they’re messing up on other aspects of their life?

i had a phone screen (not even a proper interview) for an internship last week and i really really wanted this internship as it had so much stuff packed into it. i studied for about a week (meaning i had to put revision for my university summer exams on a backbench) and i did some mock interviews with people which has left me with terrible imposter syndrome. needless to say, i did the interview last week and it didn’t go so great - the interviewer took a different approach to what i had researched and did not consider any of my ideas for a solution to be “unique” enough - even interview advice has stated that uniqueness is not important and how you navigate the question. the questions were also a lot harder compared to what two other candidates got despite me having less experience and going to a mid tier uni. well i received the rejection today and it sucks that i cannot even upkeep THIS part of my life. if i had a partner they would assure me but nope i’m all alone with prep and the interview. it just felt i studied only for someone to just disregard my experiences entirely (oh and the interviewer turned up 5 minutes late).

sorry if this is a petty rant but i thought that at least if i’m lonely i could at least work hard in other aspects of my life and do well, but nope couldn’t even get past the first round of my dream career. i guess i’m not cut out for anything :(

also received some university marks back and whilst i did well in a mini test, i did not do great in a group project. what also relates here to FA is that i have one girl on my team, and her boyfriend literally does ALL her other assignments for her. he does her code for coding assignments, he does her mini tests for her and she does not even need to study. she can just be cute and go on reels all day. she even goes to the extent of not doing the assignment until 12 hours before it’s due, because then she knows he will just do it for her! i know someone else, where a friend who really likes her literally helped to reorganise her files in folders for a project…

but if you are FA you cannot even get help from someone if you are struggling on something you studied. you have to do everything by yourself because in the end nobody will look after you. and you will also have random guys asking you to spoon feed and explain stuff to them, but they won’t acknowledge you for anything else, not even respect as a friend.

just have to push on and apply for more positions now… :/