good they fucking deserve it

I am a member of a non-profit club of hobbyists. I used to be in the board along with a friend but one of the board members made our life miserable. He would judge every idea or decision we made, treated us like 3rd class citizens and was just straight up rude and condescending.

He treats women and non-white people this way as well and this was one of the reasons why I stepped down from the board. I simply could not endorse this behavior. Unfortunately, most of the members of the club (and the board) are older men and they just placate people that complain by saying “he’s just that way” and “he is old school”. They acknowledge that this behavior is not acceptable but this individual is one of the founding members and has a lot of influence so people just stay quiet. As of this year, this member is no longer on the board.

At the same time, this club complains that there is not enough diversity and young people joining and staying engaged in the club.

Recently the board has suggested that the club should give a lifetime award to this bully. My friend and I are displeased and plan to object as well as several other individuals that have faced his attacks.

What would be the best way to make sure our voice is heard and to make other members understand that allowing a bully to continue with this behavior and, even worse, rewarding it, is just not acceptable?

I got bullied out of highschool because I was different and did not fit in with my peers. I reported those who hurted me the most to the principle and it only made my bullying worse. I went through numerouse suicidal episodes and still do. I was never accepted by my peers. It all started when I was in 8th grade. I have trauma because of being ostracized and I just need some advice.

so me and my Friends created a Groupchat a while back where we just talk about anything like our Hobbies, the Teachers we hate, which girls the Hottest, the students we hate etc. and sometimes we talk shit about certain people is it considered "Bullying" if one of the people we talked shit to finds out about our Groupchat and even then should we stop?

It's embarrassing that my deepest darkest trauma is from working at a fast food place that is also a grocery store. I have been neglected, abused sexually, physically, and emotionally, harassed, raped before and none of those were ever as traumatizing as being mobbed and bullied in the workplace. I was foolish enough to work there twice. I quit the first time because of how toxic, corrupt, and morally questionable the management is at my location.

Both times I worked there a lot of sketchy things happened. Minors were paid under the table to work extra hours. Minors and adults were making food under the influence of drugs and alcohol. Managers were handling money, talking to customers, taking inventory, and stocking kitchen supplies while being too stoned to be aware of what was going on. The ice cream bar and counters are so messy there that it is an actual health hazard. One of my bosses would sell weed to employees. Another would invite underage adults to party at her house to drink and smoke and would drug her four-year-old daughter with Nyquil so she would not wake up. Oh and don't worry, almost everybody would drive home under the influence too. A certain manager would even date employees and get away with it despite not being allowed. Employees would regularly steal and eat food. There are rumors of the district manager sleeping with an underage girl so she could be a manager once she turned 18 but that was never verified. At one point I even worked so hard that I was denied food and a break. It still haunts me to this day cause some of these managers were my friends and even helped me when things got rough. One of my biggest regrets was not reporting them when I had the chance just because I was scared of retaliation.

The only reason I even came back was because I got bullied out of the next job. When I came back I got bullied even worse than I did at my last job by both my old coworkers and new coworkers from both jobs. It escalated when my old manager/ex-friend/ex-roommate came back. She lied to everybody about what happened when we had a falling out and turned employees, customers, random strangers, and even my family members against me. I was already struggling enough because I was getting mistreated by certain people for being transgender and she just made it escalate.

I tried to make it work by requesting shifts away from her but I was not allowed to do that after a couple of weeks. I was forced to be around her and work under her even though she was smear-campaigning me to everybody. I also got a new transphobic general manager around this time who bought into her lies and would bully and hate crime me. This new boss would shun me, call me it, out me to random strangers, would ignore me if I acted or looked too masculine, would sometimes allow me to only work with women, and would not let me do chores because he would say that only real men are allowed to clean the men's room. One of the worst things he did was put a razor blade out on the counter so I would self-harm because he knew that I had struggled with that and had tried to attempt suicide before. He even let coworkers have religious exemptions from working with me just cause of my gender. He also let somebody destroy the restroom just so I could not use it. He would even let people stalk me outside the restroom and sit in the stalls just so I could not use it. He has also convinced my estranged mother to become involved and forced me to see her and take her orders despite having no contact with her.

Sadly, I was not allowed to defend myself because I would be accused of racism towards my Hispanic coworkers if I tried to avoid them or verbally defend myself. The other people that would bully me were children and since I'm a grown man I could not do anything about it. It was my word against everybody else's.

During this time, I was also getting suicide baited by customers. Sometimes customers would show me nooses or put them on display so I would either kill myself or detransition. I was also given the suicide hotline number on a dollar bill and I have even been told to go kill myself before. Customers would also bark, growl, and moo at me because they thought that I was a furry. I would also be forced to clean up after people's messes people would make for me intentionally just cause they could and because they liked to call me their maid. I was also given odd hours so they would not have to deal with me. I was also in recovery for anorexia and my coworkers would try to starve me by denying me food and giving me small portions just so I would lose weight. I even had an old coworker dress up in a cow costume and moo at me so I would starve myself again. I would also be filmed by random strangers and cyberbullied by high schoolers. Even on Valentine's Day, I was not spared. I was stalked by old coworkers of mine who were trying to get me into their car and do god knows what with me. I have also had a customer try to assault me physically and another one held up a box cutter and pointed it in my direction at. This does not even include being verbally harassed by strangers or the other types of sexual harassment I experienced.

Even outside of work, I was not safe. When I would walk to and from work I would be harrassed. I have been spit on, had a cigarette flicked at me by a nine-year-old girl for "being a whore", slurs would be yelled at me, been sexually harassed, and suicide baited even more. I was even verbally harassed by a manager of mine outside of work. Random strangers would even cough on me at work and outside of work. I could not even go to the gas station next door safely either. People would peer over the stall so they could watch me pee. A cashier has even denied me service just because it was me before.

I finally snapped and quit because I got catcalled and sexually harassed by a 16-year-old coworker of mine. She yelled " Shake your tits girl" at me. I still don't know what else they said but I know it was bad. I also had other people in cars tell me to go kill myself and were filming me. It was so bad that I screamed at the one person trying to help me cause I thought they were harassing me too. I dropped my headphones in the middle of the street when this happened and one of them ran over it. I quit because I was too traumatized by this. My coworkers celebrated by throwing a pizza party. Not long after this I became homeless and lost everything because that was my only source of income. My life feels like it has been ruined.

I did not feel safe anymore, so I changed my name, phone number, social media accounts, and appearance. I escaped to a place where nobody knew who I was and made sure that nobody that I used to know could find me. I sadly had to delete all my former contacts outside of that city because I do not feel safe interacting with them either. I still have flashbacks and panic attacks to this day about everything that happened. I am still reminded of my past every single day to the point that I can't stop ruminating about it. It haunts me even more than anything else I have gone through even though some of them are worse. I still am scared though because one of my old bosses might see it because he is also a Redditor. He was not one of my bullies but, he was a bystander, and seeing anybody who resembles him or acts like him gives me flashbacks.

Sorry for the long post, I have nobody that I can talk to about what happened who believes me. I have tried to share my story before in real life and even on Reddit and have been gaslighted, victim-blamed, harassed, wrongly accused of attention-seeking and manipulation, and even silenced before even though I have been professionally diagnosed with PTSD because of what happened.

So recently some people that bullied my best friend into another school have moved on from my friend to me, my friend and them had some beef a while ago, they started making fun of her in the halls calling her names like pizza face, greasy, hoe, and nasty. They still talk about her even though she stopped talking about them, but now that she has moved to a different school they’re starting to pick on me even though I didn’t really get involved in the previous beef. I have heard that one of them said I dress like a whore, they all said ew in unison as I walked by them, called me flat, stood in front of my class when I was trying to get in and yelled at me to “STOP STARING”, then proceeded to stand outside my class for the whole period laughing and saying stuff in the halls. I try my absolute best to ignore them but some of the comments do get to me, I just began to be comfortable with my appearance and I’m afraid I’ll become insecure once again, they all live very sad lives, yesterday on the bus I heard their weekend plans (getting drunk and high) and I felt really bad for them because like is that the only thing that makes you happy besides picking on people? I tried my best to be friendly to them beforehand, even after one of them jumped my friend in the halls, I’m afraid I might be next any tips?

My message here is basically to always listen to the victim, no matter what, because in my case, this lack of support brought some pretty bad mental issues later on.

For context, most of the things I will tell here are things my family told me about this time of my life because I almost don't remember anything from it. So yes, I'm confirmed having traumatic amnesia, just to tell you how bad it was.

I got bullied by the same girl for four years, from 4 to 8/9. I don't really know if the things she did to me are so harsh I should put some TW or so, but just in case, be careful while reading this. The things I remember are the less worse, to phrase it like that. For example, she always made me go to throw her trash to the bin by threatening me, and she sometimes hit me or threw her trash in the face. The most frequent thing she did was to denigrate me on my physical appearance or my grades. I remember during summer, she used to knot the bottom of her shirt so she was cooler, and when I did the same, she always had her disgusted face and said "uuum no please don't do like me. Nobody wants to see...that!" and she pointed my belly because it was more....prominent? I always called myself overweighted, but other people always tell me the opposite, so I don't really know what to say about it. Then, about my grades, when we had our reports, she always asked me how many Bs I had, and when I told her with a smile because I was proud of myself, she told me she got the same, and when I was about to reply with a smile because I thought it was good for both of us, she then laughed at me and said "I'm kidding! No, I could never have as many Bs as you have! I would be so dumb if it was the case".

And now, here come the things I had no idea happened before my family told me about it. Most of it was sexual harassment, if I can phrase it that way, but it feels freaking weird, as we were kids. When I was four, she lifted my skirt so other kids in the playground could see my underpants. Then, when I was seven, she lifted my shirt in front of boys so they could see my breast. These are the only two events of this 'type' I've been told about. Is it pessimistic or realistic to think there have been others? I honestly won't search the answer to this question.

In my opinion, what was the worst thing among all of this? None of the teachers believed me when I talked to them about all of this. They were nine, I talked to six of them, and zero out of the six believed me. Yet, they finally understood when another girl complained about the same girl years later, after I had the courage to leave my bully despite her threats to find other friends. So the teachers finally got something was off. I know this girl got bullied for six months, and she received a proper letter of apology from the school. I received not because "what happened to me was a long time ago, and I'm fine now, right?" according to the director when my mother asked about it. Of course I'm not mad at this other girl, I'm rather grateful because I was finally believed thanks to her, and I will never tell her bullying was less worse than me because I actually have no idea about it, but I certainly feel resentful towards my elementary school. I even feel less resentful towards my bully because she was seven and I completely believe in redemption, even more when we're this young.

I have an older sister by two years. We're both older teenage girls (She’s 18, I’m 16). She has gotten into a habit of constantly belittling and insulting me and won't take me seriously. She told me l looked like a rather ugly, old looking celebrity and was snickering at me and trying to make me feel bad about myself and did this multiple times after I told her to stop. It really hurt me. I've always been sensitive and she's always been rather aggressive but we have always been close. My sister keeps insulting me, for instance she (who has a job) tells everybody that l'm too lazy to get a job (I'm not, l'm actively searching for one). She makes fun of me for buying pride things (I'm bisexual). She always insults my art (she is also does art, but she never has anything nice to say about my drawings) and she always makes me feel so stupid for not being good at maths. She gets irritated if I speak with her about something I like but always talks to me about the things she likes. She doesn't like when I talk about the girls I like but she's fine when I talk about the guys I like. I don't have any money but she forces me to buy things for her multiple times (She is the one who has a job!) I'm so heartbroken because I love my sister but she treats me very poorly sometimes. She's still my best friend but I'm just so fed up with the way she treats me. There's so much more that I won't mention here. I'm sorry that this is such a long post. I tried explaining how I felt to her which ended with me crying a lot, all while she was snickering and telling me "it's all just jokes." She doesn't view me as an actual person. To her, I am below her. Never as cool or interesting or pretty. And I'm so sick of being belittled like this all of the time. Does anyone know what to do? I'm just at a total loss because she isn't taking me or how I feel about how she's acting towards me seriously. And I do not want to put up with her anymore. Thanks guys

I'm a freshman and everyday I'm getting bullied, and it's making me lose focus in classes making me fall behind. And the insults and bullying is taking a tole on my mental health and self confidence.

Hello! I am currently being bullied. At this point i dont even get out of the classroom during recess. Hiw dis you make yours stop? What are some clever comebacks?

He and his friends were ganging up on me/intimidating me again, this time to make me give up my chair in the back of the class. They're used to picking on me since I'm small, socially anxious, and basically an easy target.

They're now yelling really loudly at me, and by this point the whole class is silent. I said "womp womp" cause like who gets this mad over a chair?? and they go absolutely livid 😭

I was acc shaking so bad, it took everything in me to not start sobbing right there. I've never stood up for myself like that before, and they hate my guts now more than ever :'>

Why take criticism form someone you wouldn’t take advice from?

Because apparently the abuse in question was never actually abuse to begin with and was actually something else which you failed to understand and accept because of your so-called victim mentality or some shit.

And by the way no, the abuser doesn't always have to play the victim. Their battalion of enablers will save them that trouble by willfully accusing you of "bullying" them at the drop of a hat. Even so much as mentioning the abuser will make no difference.

Do anything other than acknowledge your "bullying" without question, that you're in the wrong for making a big deal out of what was apparently nothing more than a little joke or whatnot, they start calling you "defensive" at best.

Double standards much?

It was my first time going to a baby shower... So, just last week, my friend/co-worker invited me to her baby shower, and I had a great time. I got her some baby books and a diaper bag, and I also gave her $200 in cash as a gift. My parents later told me, “Why did you give her $200? You should’ve just given her $100; that would have been enough. We told you to give her $100... We’re not rich…”

I didn't listen. I decided to give her $200 because I wanted her to have the flexibility to use it however she needed for her baby or for herself. I knew it was a lot, but I didn’t mind at the time. Now, though, I’m feeling regret because my parents are calling me "stupid" and saying I need to think more carefully about my decisions. My parents are continuing to call me "Stupid".

My friend/coworker thank me for the generous baby shower gift and that she told me it was alot, but thank me again.

Now, my parents are bullying me about it because of that $200 situation. And right now, I’m torn—part of me regrets giving that $200, but another part of me feels it was a generous gesture. Should I feel regret over my gift? I’m really not sure. It's like I'm having mix feelings because of my parents bullying me now.

So, there’s this girl in our class. She’s really annoying. You know, the kind of popular girl? Yeah, she’s like that... She gossips a lot, a lot... On the bus, she talks at 150 words per minute; a person couldn’t possibly transcribe her...

Now, the thing is, there was a rumor spread in the class. I was asked about my favorite dry fruit, and I first jokingly said, “raisins.” From then on, this thing passed on to people and became a code word out of nowhere, targeting this girl. I don’t know why, but some of my friends were purely dedicated to fueling this...

Recently, this has gotten worse and more popular, and according to her, it’s “affecting” her reputation and all that. I’m primarily seen as a nerd around school, which may be true...

Now on the school bus, she’s started to shame me by shouting, “You know what my preference in boys is?” and then says stuff that contradicts my features, like, “I want a boy without spectacles, without braces, who is into sports, who is not a nerd, who doesn’t act like he knows everything, who doesn’t have an ugly haircut or an ugly face, who doesn’t have a mustache, who isn’t weird.” “The more I look at your face, the more I feel like vomiting!”

She also calls me weird and shames me in front of the whole class. I don’t know what to do, so I came to Reddit...

This isn’t the first time she’s done this; she did this yesterday and for the past three alternate days on the school bus. This has also happened in class. She shouts and tells her friends, “You know, he doesn’t deserve me, you know? I deserve better.”

I don’t like this girl in any way; her personality is one of the lowest I’ve ever seen. Should I report her? How should I report her? I could report her to the dean and possibly to the principal. I want some kind of action taken, but ethics are really confusing. I mean, if I report someone for bullying and harassing me, then I’m suddenly the bad guy!

Could you guys please tell me what I should do in such cases? I’ve tried to communicate openly that I don’t like her, and it was just a joke that I love a “dry fruit” so badly.

I find a lot of the time nothing seems to ever work concretely to properly prevent bullying. Things such as how I look, strength and personality seem to be arbitrary. For example of go to a gym group everyone seems to be fine with me but one individual has a specific issue with how I look and wont let it down. It makes me confused because why wouldnt other people focus on my looks? I would like to prevent such a situation from ever occuring from the get go but im not sure how. I think its more down to the fundemental reasons why people bully. Do I just seem weak to some people so now the most trivial details about myself need to be picked apart? I dont really like arguing either to be frank.

Ive heard commonly that the reccomended advice is to fight. Like just shut it down hard and maybe hit back with some comments about this person I barely know. But the thing is most of the time these comments are very suttle so this would mainly make myself look bad. Though at the same time there seems to be a suttle sort of acceptance of the situation so I doubt anyone else would really put there foot down on such a situation.

This is just really tiring I find. While yeah you could argue that demeaning comments about me is minimal and I could just go about my day but it just wears me out. If its day in and day out expected in the same location it adds stress to my day cause I know this specific portion is going to be unpleasant.

I had a disturbing experience with a biology teacher who made a homophobic remark about me. When he ordered me to slap a friend for talking to me during class, I refused. He then repeatedly implied I was gay, making it a humiliating running joke throughout my high school years. The situation became so unbearable that I stopped attending his classes altogether.

So like it’s kinda hard to explain what I’m gonna try to mean by this because I just remembered how I felt not how or what happened. But like in the grades between 3-5 I was bullied a lot due to me being a little bit on the bigger side in third grade I was coming home with black eyes etc my mom only new abt this because you know it was visible but my mom barely cared about the fact I was being bullied I tried to tell teachers but I was scared to during forth grade i remember being bullied a little bit before covid hit (I’ve failed grade due to my mom not taking me to school so I’m not gonna reveal age) I just remember like they would just keep saying stuff about me and like picking on me then covid hit. During covid i basically lost any form of communication except online so it really messed me up I became desperate. Desperate just know what it was like to have friends that cared about you. When I went into 5th grade I was so happy because I thought I was gonna be able to make all these friends just for me to be builled just for how I look like and the fact my family was poor. I got told to kill my self and also kept getting thrown into problems i didn’t make just because they wanted to see me upset. They got me in trouble because I was just being yk me. I thought it didn’t effect me much then but now like it effects me a lot like it feels it’s all coming to bite me back in the ass like rn in school I legit have zero friends and I’m terrified to get bullied again maybe because I went back to the town where I got bullied a whole lot so it’s just coming back to me all at once because I tried to run from it maybe? But like recently I’ve just been thinking like when I look down on the second floor on my school like what were to happen if I were to just kill myself right now…like would anyone really care that much yk. And like these thoughts are getting stronger and stronger and idk how to handle them and I’m getting close to acting out on them.so like if anyone has had a similar experience please tell me what do I do…?

(And this goes to anyone experiencing bullying please tell people trust me it will help)

D

Sorry if this post is very long or a trauma dump/rant. I would really appreciate any comments, experiences, advice or questions, being open about my experience and how it has affected me is an important part of my healing process.

I went to highschool in the early 2000’s in the rural Midwest. I was bullied relentlessly for all 4 years. I haven’t shared much of any of this with anyone I know, but I need to get some of this off my chest. I am getting help from a professional therapist and they think sharing my experience will be helpful, I want to share it anonymously before I talk to people I know since a lot of this stuff is personal, embarrassing and traumatic.

Nearly every single day, with very few exceptions, 1 kid, and 2-5 of his friends, would drag me to the bathroom. They’d harass me, sometimes beat me, and force my face into the toilet. They’d hold me there and often flush it multiple times. It was disgusting and humiliating. Still, when I see depictions of “swirlies” or similar things in Hollywood or the internet I feel deeply unsettled and disgusted. It doesn’t capture the horror of what I and assume others have experienced. It was basically daily assault. It gave me massive self esteem issues and an inferiority complex, and contributed to my depression.

It started early on in my freshman year, a kid who I’ll call John, just started constantly picking on me. I was a late bloomer and not very tall, he would mock my body, appearance, mannerisms, and just randomly shove me against walls for no reason. It really frustrated me and I felt powerless to stand up to him, as he would quickly threaten violence or do some sort of physical intimidation. When football season started he became the freshman quarterback, which made him “popular” at my tiny school where football was by far the biggest program. Anyway he really did not like me, he spread awful rumors about me, and would openly mock me as I passed to other kids. one morning when I was going to the bathroom, John and 4 of his buddies followed me in. They called me insults and homophobic slurs and pushed me around until I fell, at which point they kicked me a few times, spitting on me, and shoving my head into the toilet bowl. They flushed it and left me there in tears. They were hi-fiving and laughing the entire f***ing time. Needless to say it was terrifying and traumatizing. I went to a teacher and then an administrator. They called his parents and had a “talk” with him. Absolutely no disciplinary action was taken, and I truly believe this is what emboldened John to torment me throughout high school. There were times when he and various of his friends were suspended, but no real action was taken and to be honest I fully believe many of the teachers knew exactly what was happening. Everytime I had to come forward just for very little to happened it was an embarrassing and emotional process. Anyway after this, nearly every morning I would be brought to the bathroom by John and his friends, sometimes kicking and screaming and sometimes too broken or tired to even do anything. They’d have a various mix of insults, tell me to say some embarrassing lie, sometimes slap or push me, but always dunking my head or face into the toilet. Pretty much every student in school knew he was doing this, not only did he brag about it but many people saw him confront me in the morning or at lunch. At the time, I tried to hide that it was happening from my parents and classmates. Their treatment of me literally shaped how I lived my life. I would bring a towel to school. I would skip often. I eventually shaved my head literally just to avoid the constant wet, smelly hair. I would spend every day dreading seeing him in the morning or afternoon. I literally had nightmares about being drowned in a toilet bowl. I would randomly break down in tears when I thought about my school day tomorrow. Very few people ever even tried to stand up for me. Classmates would treat me like I had some sort of disease and refuse to touch me or complained that I smelled. I was called so many different nicknames (I’m sure you can imagine what creative names kids could come up with involving toilets). I can have a bit of a sense of humor about it now, but those names really made me feel isolated and depressed, even when some kids I know only had the intention of joking. This group of kids made it their intention to make my life miserable. They ruined my prom night, homecoming, and most of the stereotypical “highschool memories”. There is a lot more I could get in to (and maybe will in future posts), but I think I will end it there as this post is long enough already.

I buried these memories for a long time but they’ve always been affecting me. Letting go of resentment and bitterness is hard but possible. The hardest part of healing from this has been the fact that despite the years going by I never received any kind of apology from any of my former bullies. As adults I’m sure they have to realize what they did was wrong but it does not seem like they show any remorse especially in proportion to the suffering I endured. I am in a much better place in life and as I mentioned above seeking professional help that has so far been successful. Thank you for reading.

What do I do with mean girls ? I can’t figure out what to do from a psychological level either

What’s the consequences they could face? I live in SC.

I have been being harrassed by this girl since my friend died. Repeated calls and messages like this for months on end. Her phone number is 716 345 5360. I’ve gone to the police my school and everyone hasn’t been able to make them stop. I have her number blocked and i still receive texts from secondary phone numbers. This is my last resort. I am grieving and being tormented so if anyone can do anything please do. Even a message saying leave them alone.

so i entered this school a few years ago and back then I had little to no understanding of social norms and what i was supposed to do and not do. Pretty sure I gave everyone a bad first impression but the first year went fine although the only person who really enjoyed my company transferred to another school and I was pretty darn lonely for the rest of the next year

during said next year, people started getting more into being assholes and started consistently making fun of me for being a furry or part of some other fandoms with bad reputations (sonic and such), but I was persisting. The few people that allowed me near them and didn't exactly mind talking to me started making fun of me a bit as well and sometimes just started yelling at me about how embarrassing I was to be around but they still claimed to be my friends, although I'm starting to doubt it

this year I'm getting tired of being made fun of and hearing people talk shit about me right next to me knowingly but i don't know if I'm being dramatic and this is just teasing or if I'm actually being bullied

Anytime me or my friends or anyone I know of has ever been bullied mercilessly especially by a narcissist or someone with evil intentions who will bully and harass you and then when you respond back they’ll try and turn it around on you and into some huge case (when you wouldn’t have done the same to them and find that ridiculous even though you should be the one doing that) why do they do this? Are they aware that they are the ones in the wrong and if not if they truly think they are right that’s scary.

9/10 their cases never go through anyway but I’m really sick of people who bully innocent people and harass them to try and turn it around on them for responding to their bs. Even as much as I’ve been bullied and harassed my brain doesn’t automatically think let me just go get a civil case against them I just let it go and block the person. It’s different if they are stalking me in person and threatening my life.

But what do you think about people that do this? I’m talking like let’s say they harass and cyber bully you on Twitter or social media and when you finally respond they try and threaten you with a “harassment” case. These kinds of people are the worst people to ever walk this earth. I guess they say that to scare people because their cases never go through and why would they? They need proper evidence and surely people can see who the victim is and who the perpetrator is. Do cases like this ever go through? Thoughts

Disclaimer: please be kind. Always

So, long story short a very close family member of mine is getting a divorce. The soon to be ex husband lost it and is posting YouTube videos daily about all the personal details of their marriage, talks about family history, dead relatives, a suicide case and a lot of other nasty shit. He keep saying that the woman is mentally ill and this whole things is causing a lot of stress on our family. People are already talking because of this. He's got about 600 subs and gets small views, but the people that know our family watch and enjoy the drama. Police doesn't do shit, beating his ass is not an option. He's in his 50s so it's almost sad. Flagging has done nothing so far. How do I get this channel deleted or how do I make his life miserable online so he can stop? Thanks!

I've seen users post in this sub about their experiences with others bullying them or being treated poorly, and people either saying it was deserved or it was their fault?

Now, I know not everyone who shares their experiences is innocent or always right in the situation, but the extent to which I've seen people dogpile on users, dismissing their situation and feelings altogether, is downright discouraging and ironic, especially in a sub meant to combat bullying.

From what I've seen, people bring up comments and posts on an account to explain why a user had a poor experience or faced bullying. However, I believe this is irrelevant and does not justify criticizing or chastising someone in a moment of crisis or when they are just venting.

I would genuinely like to know why people feel an inclination to review a user's history or posts. When someone is discussing a terrible experience, why is the first reaction to conduct a mini background check?! Huh?! While I’m fairly new to Reddit, specifically with posting or commenting, I don’t know if this is the norm here, but it’s very odd to me. Most of the time, truthfully I believe past comments are irrelevant in conversations about experiencing bullying, especially outside online interactions. It’s just very odd to me, and it doesn’t seem genuine anymore to see the supportive comments I do see on here. I don’t know how to explain the feeling but it’s very weird.

When someone comes to me with a to vent about a situation where someone was wronged, my first thought isn’t to look into said person’s past to find something to invalidate the experience they had, it just doesn’t come to me to do that, and I’m having a hard time trying to wrap my head around that would be someone’s first instinct. Especially in THIS sub. It just makes a chill run down my spine, like wow, people really are something else.

I’m all over the place at the moment as I’m just venting but I’d also like to add that in thread in one the posts I’ve seen I saw a few people mention that women don’t bully men without reason, which is absolutely outrageous and frankly makes me disgusted that statement was something that was agreed upon. To say ‘well you had to have done something to make them treat you this way🤓’ is victim blaming at its finest and I’m surprised that I would find it in this specific sub.

Knowing that such people reside in this subreddit is both discouraging and disturbing. And just proves to me that there isn't a truly safe space for individuals, and ultimately, you can only rely on yourself for the validation that you don't deserve the terrible experiences you've had.

They said this in my recent post in r/suicidewatch. It isn’t fair that I get to feel worse than I already do. This person has been bullying me throughout my post.

Hey dear folks,

I had a conversation with one of my colleagues and decided to share it here too, so you can reflect on that, and perhaps this can help you.

I do not write a lot of things like this, I am not a writer so it can be lacking a lot of things or can be messy, chaotic or even can be "too much" or not addressing all of the needs or even provocative - please be patient with me. I tried to make something that could be helpful even in the smallest amount possible. 

Imagine this being a cozy room or something that makes you feel good to be; and treat it like your safe person who is trying to have a conversation with you.

For younger ones - read it too, you may not feel like you have an "adult side" but you can differentiate good from bad, and that is enough for you to understand since people make lots of mistakes regardless of age.

This is pretty long, but I think it might bring some value since some potentially well-known stuff may be a new thing for somebody out there.

I am not a professional, nor am I an expert. And it might not be the most rational cause it does not include a variety of details that can be relevant in the actual problem, and it is in fact personal rather than objective, but it's genuine - I know that lots of people are struggling these days and they need help so I decided to use my voice.

Trigger warning: it can be challenging to read and requires engagement, and can be burdensome at some point - try to keep an open mind, and the best thing to do is breathe before reading.

If it's too much, take breaks, read in parts. You do not have to read all at once. Reflect on it in your own individual way. You can do it during reading or after - it is up to you. But if you give it a chance, please find time to go through it in a space, which is good for that and a moment when you do have some time and will to go through it.

Also remember, you can always put it down; it’s not a sign of ignorance. You decide what you will do with that, I am just leaving this here and waiting what happens.

And this is not me telling you how to exist. I am not a mentor or authority. Treat it as the spark starting deeper and more complex conclusions - you also can disagree with what I am saying.

This is not a form of judgment on anyone. At times, it may feel harsh as you confront the absurdity of certain aspects. You have the choice to read or step away whenever something doesn't resonate or makes you uncomfortable. Taking a step back is always beneficial; you’ll have time to process.

Yes, it requires honesty with yourself. So make space for that – save this as a favorite and return when you’re ready.

Everything takes time. You know when you're ready to open up to something, and that doesn’t make you any less than anyone else; needing more readiness is natural.

I know I still have a lot to reflect even from this post and I am not always able to fully live by the values i talk about, even those who are an expert on a subject often struggle with it in their own lives - you could be surprised. No one has it all figured out, even with years of education and experience.

For discerning critics, this text may seem too childlike or even naïve, but perhaps it’s precisely in that innocence that there is something.

I can repeat the same conclusions, but maybe repeatability equals importance? Or is it the same clue but different aspects of it?

Some of my words might challenge each other, think of this as a thought process—not perfect or fully organized, just happening in the conversation.

I know my words may not be deeply sophisticated, but I believe that even simple ideas can lead to important conclusions. I do not share ultimate truths.

Both small and large matters hold significance; sometimes, it takes just a little spark to bring joy or a little scratch to make a long-lasting wound.

Every emotion is welcome while reading this. If you feel safe while surrounded by people, you may want to allow yourself to feel it. If you’re reading with someone, you can both sit with the emotions together and even cry if you will need to—it's all up to you. I want this to be a safe space for you to feel and reflect.

There is also a little invite for our dear bullies almost at the end - if you are one, trust my intentions, I do not mean to make you suffer, but help you grow. I am just a random character from somewhere in the world, and you can read that alone when the mask can fall off.

Little disclaimer before we talk: I am aware that bullying is not only mocking and calling someone "stupid." I do understand it is, in fact, complex and can take extreme form. Which potentially requires psychological help and law enforcement. Whenever you are facing more advanced struggles , please seek help. I am discussing only the emotional aspect based on more subtle forms of bullying.

So... here it comes 👉👈 Try not giving up on this conversation too quickly:

It feels sometimes like there is a "trend" of mocking others, which can serve to boost one's own value at the expense of other human beings. Is it some kind of universal fashion? I'm not sure. Is this really necessary? Mocking or gossiping about someone they think is “messed up" and tarnishing one's reputation often over trivial matters—"bad" clothes, an "ugly" smile, family situation or whatever little or bigger thing can be used, it does not have to be something real. And sometimes it is claimed to be "right thing to do" - umm.. I'm not so sure.

Target did something? Oh, boy. Was it bigger or smaller? Am I an objective judge? Is what I am doing real justice or the right thing? Can it be solved somehow or let go? No? Ouch.

I understand that we can get angry when someone treats us poorly, and sometimes we tease because we try to cope with difficult emotions. But when we see that someone may be different but is not causing harm, then why pick on them? Just because they seem 'weaker' or out of need to demean them to elevate one's self-worth? Are they as weak or as conceited as perceived? Can it be something else?

Then, we proclaim truths about morals and empathy while feeling entitled to impose those standards on others, all the while knowingly engaging in harmful behavior. We justify our actions and show a chilling disregard for the impact on those around us, expecting others to adhere to the same principles.

There is a fine line between being fully aware and misunderstanding or challenging circumstances.

An expert in human psychology who ruthlessly suggests that you should not be here is different from one who, despite their education and knowledge, struggles emotionally.

I know everyone makes mistakes, but if I deliberately stab someone with a jab, then I have issues to work through—not that person. A mature person, even if they were bothered by someone talking too much about their hobby, would point it out gently or even directly or just ignore it. Yet some choose passive-aggressive behavior to relieve themselves because “I’m suffering, so you have to too”—and this points to a lack of maturity and a lack of education in emotional matters that should be taught in schools and homes.

Though the reaction of the recipient varies; people have different sensitivities, and sometimes our genuine expression may not be taken well - but that also stems from the fact that we don’t learn about emotions and self-acceptance. 

There are real cases where someone clings to trivial nonsense— clothing or different ways of thinking/understanding reality or even body—things that don’t directly affect others as much as being rude and uncultured. Things that are a part of us and should be just acknowledged as they are when they are not damaging.

And things that are at the core of our lives: Our taste in anything. Our partner, however he looks or is. Our hobby is that one's claim to be funny or basic. Our friends, one's do not like. Ethnicity, marginalized by stereotypes. Religion claimed to be wrong. Culture and customs, unjustly evaluated. Or even sexuall orientation, so hard to tolerate. Things that are important to us, but sometimes there is a problem for no real reason.

Think about it - if it's not having a bad impact on them or anyone; do I need to tell them that it's a "no"? And really bad impact, not "I know better" bad impact. Does everyone have to follow my aesthetic? Who am I to impose my judgment?

Why trivial nonsense? Cause if I really feel a need to tell someone their nose is ugly or they are an idiot - do I think my opinion was actually needed? How do I know what is beautiful and what is actually being smart? Have I asked myself if this could be a bias?

Obviously, it's not true that we don’t influence others with our style of being, "life cores", looks or even our clothing; they can reveal something about us. But people formulate opinions on many things often in a non-reflective, stereotypical, and superficial manner. That’s my opinion, and I’m not trying to whitewash myself as if it doesn’t happen to me. Yes, it does happen to me too, and I try to catch myself as much as I can and not verbalize what I think just to say some nonsense to add something, because, in most cases, our perspective is dominated by emotions. If someone annoys me, my brain automatically sees only the negative traits while overlooking the positive ones—cognitive distortions can be adaptive, but very often, they are not, unfortunately. Same for emotions itself. When we feel sad, we mostly see the negative parts of reality. This happens for all of the emotional states. This is why whenever you feel confident and motivated , your brain finds solutions easier.

Emotions are, in fact , just information that lasts usually 90 seconds (if I'm not wrong) if you do not put thoughts into it but acknowledge its existence. Thoughts make emotions last. And when we think all of these thoughts that are created by our emotions, we lose critical thinking, empathy and a wider perspective - which is normal during an emotional state, but please reflect once again when you cool down.

And when being treated badly for no reason (but really no reason, if you did something on purpose - it's not a misunderstanding, it's a choice) it’s not about pondering why they think like that or why they don’t like me, etc. It’s more about understanding that most of this negative content, if it has no basis, is either about them or their past/current situation/trauma - everyone can call it whatever they want. If you see someone who, in your opinion, is too confident (and rationally doesn’t show unhealthy, excessive confidence - but that requires knowing the definition of healthy confidence), it’s worth considering whether you might feel small or whether you hide your confidence behind a mask of modesty because that’s what society expects.

Sometimes people deemed to be less intelligent can surprise us with the depth of their thoughts or just a new perspective, showing that wisdom doesn't always stem from knowledge, which can be acquired at any stage of life. We often see complex, multidimensional personalities in some individuals while perceiving others as limited. Are our judgments justified, or we may be unknowingly overlooking the complexity of minds? Do we really need to know if they are dumb or just pretend to be if they do nothing to nobody? Can it be that we feel threatened?

And see how easy it is to just laugh, that someone did something "cringe" or even that they are "cringe" and mock them. And how hard it is at the same time. I do feel like we sometimes judge stuff, that first of all we do not understand and are not willing to (we do not have to always understand stuff but leave opinion to yourself if this does not bring anything) or based on our own beliefs, which may not be true - I know a person who thinks, that being sensitive is a sign of weakness. I think that someone was really harsh on this person, including himself.

Being fair: is it so that we judge harshly people we dislike but would not say the same about the person we actually like - even when both did the same thing? And I am speaking about ordinary stuff, such as starting a new hobby.

Or - they did a bad thing, and there is a need for "justice," and I did a bad thing too - but I had a reason, or I was just joking. And washing out the accountability of acknowledgement, that "hey, I made a mistake." Literally think how many times we try to tell ourselves when we made a conscious or not so conscious decision, that we still are innocent if we have no will to accept whether we like it or not - it was a mistake. 

It is easy to say - i understood it wrong, cause it looks so small. But when I decided to harm this person intentionally - I chose to be like this bad guy, but I needed to teach them a lesson, so it's not about me it's the circumstances.

We can feel many conflicting, contrasting emotions towards another person, whether in one moment or over time – and that is neither bad nor abnormal. Our emotions are as complex as we are. Psyche is full of paradox or contrast. And it’s not a bad thing, as long as there are no inappropriate actions taken with premeditation.

And it is hard for us to admit we did something wrong - if this is not due to our reputation we fear to lose; but due to feeling of shame, guilt and being afraid of judgment - these three are natural. We do not know how people may react, but most of the time they may appreciate honesty and understanding the impact of our actions.

Saying "i did not like the behavior of so and so" and making fun of someone for anything little are two different things. One is constructive, and the other one should not happen. We may not like who the other person is - we do not have to, but if it is not something actually wrong , it is our problem.

Below a bit of not-or-so-much philosophical musings:

Does everything have to have a label or a box, thus simplifying reality? Can we admit that our information is incomplete or expired? Or do we only assess what we see at the moment, forgetting that much can surprise us? And can we acknowledge that it's not always possible to have an open mind and that it's normal not to reflect on everything? And are some things really just bad or just good? Or maybe not everything has to be more than we think? But maybe we need to know when to open the mind and when to label things? Maybe we just need to try connecting the dots differently than we did? Is it humiliating to say I do not know something I feel I should? Why? Is being direct about things, even when it is scary,  better than being mastered with words, but have no skill in humanity?

Perhaps Socrates was right when he said, 'I know that I know nothing.' Ehh... it's too much confusing.

Let us return to something more practical:

When someone shares their story, try to listen without jumping to conclusions. Validate their feelings and approach with empathy while also being aware that their perspective may exaggerate their struggles. I know someone who blamed their partner for their treatment; as the story unfolded, it became clear that the partner wasn’t entirely bad but simply flawed, which is common in incompatible relationships.

Both sides in conflict can fuel each other’s negativity. Understanding this doesn’t diminish anyone’s feelings; it simply adds nuance to the situation.

We are all constantly learning. Reflecting on others' experiences can reveal insights about ourselves. 

Only when emotions subside, inner dialogue is off, and rationalism kicks in can we think and shape our opinions. And what doesn’t align with our beliefs and values is not always wrong. Think of the person who wears only luxury brands - if they do not treat anyone bad because of "being more"; and I get pissed, this is a story about me.

Many of us cry that the world is cruel, and you need to know how to navigate it—oh well. And lots of us can say that there is a struggle with just being authentic. But we kind of did this to ourselves. Didn't we? Are we as self-aware as we claim to be?

Please look at this to see what I mean here: thing is, some of people when asked if they can find value in this or that - which is not material - they ask: "um.. value?". But oh god, how they can judge someone to be an empty head.

And do we need to meet all the needs of others? No. Sometimes, we need to deal with others not meeting our needs the same they need to deal with us not meeting theirs - but it's about communicating your needs or dissatisfaction in an open way. We are not mind readers, so why wait for us to realize what's needed or cause anger if it is not so pretty obvious?

Also, the hurt people hurt people. Most of the bullies struggle with their self-esteem and are facing lots of emotional struggles, which they can not navigate properly. So it is never on you if you have not done anything bad (seriously bad, not just saying something which may not be nice unintentionally, all people make mistakes and we need to be grown enough to understand it). People who choose to mock you make fun of you. The ones that do not care if you will have ideas of harming yourself at some point - they can call it power/dominance/fun time. But only because they can feel better at someone's expense. Inside, they are most likely still insecure, and the perspective of putting someone down only boosts their ego. But read the last line once again: they need someone to suffer to deal with their frustration and self-esteem issues.

Aaaah... they are a good person, empathetic and with potential – of course, it’s hard to look for such qualities in oneself; better to use him or knock him down to feel safe. Please, just look at this absurdity...

Another perspective to consider is when the bully actually fears you bullying them, if you unintentionally triggered something - sometimes we lack the understanding that protecting ourselves with attacking does not put neither us nor the person in a good situation. You can attack to keep yourself safe, but is it a battlefield? Maybe let us just try to set kind and assertive boundaries if anything happens. Being proactive can be helpful, but maybe changing the way of doing that can be beneficial? I learned this lesson firsthand after leaving school, where I felt I had to remain constantly on guard. I was in fact, on edge and hyper-vigilant to even the most trivial signs of bullying beginning. My initial response was to lash out in defense, but I soon recognized how misguided that approach was. Good thing, it was not a long time happening and did not cause damage. Thankfully, I changed my behavior and began seeking more understanding and compassion for both myself and that person, and we even had good contact. The story is also more complicated; but the fear can make us do lots to survive - hope this can make them less powerful in your eyes.

And I do not diminish my actions. But I understand my mistakes and know what led to them. Everyone should be understanding towards themselves, but they should also change destructive behaviors.

And yes, I was bullied also. I can see both perspectives. And both are no fun if it's fear and stress driven - not when it is some form of entertainment - that is a completely different thing. And trust me, the ideas people had were disgusting and humiliating. And they literally thought it was funny. 

Dear Target: Be prepared that a long emotional rollercoaster can, in fact, make you stand up and say something that you are not proud of. I spoke to a person of law casually one day, and they told me that a woman claimed to experience domestic abuse but she did beat up a guy who was way stronger than her and she ended up in jail.

I do not know the details of the case; but I know one woman who was first treated like punching bag, and then could not deal with that so she gave him back cause she couldn't handle it anymore - he did not like that - please be mindful with your judgment, know the definition of reactive abuse.

People who use subtle violence may portray the target as malicious. It might be worth considering whether that angry response is a defensive reaction. It is also unrealistic to expect someone who is constantly under stress and in a state of readiness to always cope and use diplomacy. 

And if you will get triggered to the point of you not being able to manage your own self - seek help. This also comes from my experience. The way I felt when I had the highest anxiety and stress levels mixed with depression was a lot; and I will skip describing it. I am healing. Now, I still have anxiety, but I manage things way better than before. It is a process - and no, I did not harm anyone. It is more about the experience and the way it can unfold for you.

Also, when all of this happens but is subtle, your support system might tell you, you exaggerate - please forgive them. It is hard and feels lonely. But you know what you have seen. Do not allow anyone to make you believe you are "crazy." But also, be rational about it as much as you can. And, if you can, run when you notice signs of malicious intent - no good will come out of this.

Always set boundaries and don’t be afraid if they don’t like it. Let them say what they want. Don’t let yourself be provoked. Stay cautious. Try to shift the narrative and detach your emotions from it; when you look at it coolly, you’ll see how absurd human behavior can be, and you won’t take it so personally anymore because you’ll recognize it as grotesque.

Dear witness: Please, do not engage in gossip. Do not just blindly believe what people say. Some things may not be as they seem. Do not add to it. Some people simply dislike someone over things that were not mean but touched someone personally, such as being more talented or being empathetic or anything. The person of law literally told me what cases were being investigated, and the actual reason for the whole abuse to happen was really nothing that could not be solved like actual adults would.

If you hear something you're unsure about, congratulations on not making assumptions. But do you really feel the urge to test that person just to satisfy your curiosity? Do you think they enjoy being tested? Would you? Maybe it's better to observe from the sidelines or perhaps create a safe space to discuss it with them—if they are open to it. If not, it’s not their problem that you seek information on something that may not need to be addressed.

Speaking of confrontation: Did you know that when people are accused, they often try to explain themselves? It's normal for all of us to want to clarify things when an accusation seems unjustified or even when it appears justified but isn't entirely true. Especially when we genuinely don’t want others to see us as the 'bad guys' we’ve been accused of being. But when we get emotional, people do not believe. Lol.

What is the difference between manipulation and genuine intent? How do we distinguish between the two? How can we understand the difference between accusation and confrontation?

If the answers to these questions may be something like... empty assumptions. Please... no.

I know a story of someone who was accused of stealing. Almost no one bothered to question the accusation. The accused person faced unjust exclusion until the matter was resolved, which took a lot of luck and a few kind individuals willing to prove their innocence without involving law enforcement. It turned out that the person who stole was one who claimed to have much integrity. Afterwards, those who believed the accusation said: 'I’m sorry, I didn’t know.' - then why did they blindly agree in the first place?

Dear target: Please, never wonder 'why me': ask yourself why you even care what they think? You did nothing.

Acceptance is one of basic human needs - I get it.  But do you really need people who are behaving like this? Shouldn't you actually constructively get mad that someone does not respect you only because they view you as a "weaker" one? Or they simply can not manage themselves as I was unable to, and you can be mad about that too. It is justified. We can understand the situation and have our emotions regarding it at the same time.

Sometimes, anger is the cover for despair. Shouldn't you cry it out to release the tension? And just sit with it and accept that it has nothing to do with you since you did nothing to deserve it? And try to take care of yourself? You can not change other people. You can only take care of yourself. 

I mean that when I say this: You do matter - leave the rest.

And to those who do not have a support system, or it is not meeting needs the way it should - recognise how hard this by itself can be. Be creative about finding solutions. We all have this aspect to ourselves, but it is hidden due to experiences and expectations.

And maybe it’s time to talk to your little self? And be the support you need for him? From your rational adult side? And tell him that if someone hurts him, you are there? That he’s doing great? And most importantly: he is enough, just as he is. And he can only choose to be in a better place or stay where he is - we have a choice. The "little self" I’m talking about is our emotional part, the so-called inner child. Everyone has one; when we see how people argue with each other, most of the drama looks like we act like children. Even when we’re super happy, our little selves are speaking. It is important, because when we can meet ourselves at a deep level, we can heal and just let go of that.

You need to be able to talk to that little one, but that also requires time and commitment. No one from the outside can replace that - a good relationship with yourself. Avoiding the problem paradoxically deepens it - like with fear; if we avoid triggers, we end up confining ourselves to a home from which one day we won’t be able to leave, and a month ago we were only afraid of strange looks. 

Try to find a balance between rational mind and emotions - it is beneficial in the long run.

Give yourself that understanding of the circumstances that you need. Give yourself acknowledgement of your struggle. Take little steps. Do all things with an agreement with yourself in a kind but assertive manner. Do not go against your own values, so you will get accepted by your "friends."

People come and go. You will have yourself until you die. Make your life better and see your own value - it will push you slowly towards making better decisions for your life as you realize, you did not make the "bullies" do it. And your people will find you one day.

And if you want to get revenge - think about it. Do you want to make someone suffer so they can feel your pain? Does it rationally make sense? And I am not speaking about justice - real one. It is not revenge. If you decide to ruin their life so you can see them suffer, stop and ask yourself, is acting out of your real character worth it? You will be feeling lots of guilt after that, I believe.

We should learn a bit; that intent does, in fact, matter but is not fully justified. So if we do something bad without bad intent, we can take it as a lesson. If we have a bad intent - well, we need to sit with that for a moment. 

And what if your bully actually feels intellectually/emotionally/whatever'ally inferior to you, so they try to show you, you are not 'all that'? If you were not all that in their eyes, would they bother? I do not think so. There is always something about the person who becomes a target. When there is a will, there is a way - even the smallest thing can turn into a war. Think about it. 

I do admire people who are treated unfairly and still choose to grow from it - it requires lots of inner strength and resilience to make it through.

I also spoke with an older individual who wisely pointed out that as humans, we have both limitations and strengths. There are no ideals, and everyone has some form of deficiency. It's the dualism of being a human. We can say that other people are or have it perfect. But we do not walk in their shoes.

Dear Bullies: talk to your little one too. This can help you a lot if you start to be nicer to yourself. But you need to understand that you just need a bit of warmth. Whatever is happening to you right now or has happened in the past is valid. What you are going through and feel is even more than valid. You can literally give yourself a hug - i know you need that.

And once you start liking yourself, you will not have a need to dislike some people that much - trust me.

The world can be harsh, and you are always seen as abusers, but deep deep inside, you are just as sensitive as everyone. And you just need acceptance and love.

Everyone deeply inside needs that, but we keep it deep inside for a reason.

But please also consider how you would feel once your victim makes a decision that can not be changed. You might know what I am talking about. The choices you make towards a person can have fatal consequences.

And who knows, maybe the person you want to suffer so badly could actually turn out to be the best one you have ever met?

I know we need to be strong and powerful and that we need the group of our folks to make life feel better cause we are social creatures. But does it justify what you do? Can you imagine being in their situation?

Do you think that encouraging one another to do something to get this person in trouble is funny?

Do you think that making this person go through a huge amount of stress for a long time is really a conflict resolution or relief?

Do you think taking information out of someone to then use it for whatever you will do is a sign of your superiority and advantage in the situation?

Do you think manipulating them to lose their vigilance so you can weaponize it is actually moral? Or ethical?

Do you think invading their space and privacy would be something you would agree on?

Do you know the difference between justice and something you yourself would not want to go through?

Did you ask yourself why you call them names? Have you rationally compared it to victims' circumstances and personality traits?

Do you think that dignity is measured by status, economic situation, charisma, nationality, condition, or other elements of a person?

Are you really someone who gets to decide about another's person's fate?

Did this person really do something that deserves all of that?

If you see that this person is gentle and kind, yet you still take out your feelings on them—don’t you think it might be better to find alternative ways to release your emotions?

Do you know that sometimes these people can internalize all of your actions and tell themselves they must be the worst person on the planet if they are in this situation? Why do you think they can think like that?

Could it be that you’re looking for a chink in the armor? If so, why? Sometimes the qualities we admire in others are actually within us, but for some reason, we haven’t allowed ourselves to recognize them because something has placed limits on us.

Take just a moment to put yourself in their position. What would you do? How would you react? Would you be stronger than this? Would you easily stand up and say "I do not like this" - then look at them treating you as if your voice has no meaning and be confident about yourself? 

Do you really, deeply understand what you are doing and what consequences it may cause? 

Do you know people may develop anxiety, depression and more because of the whole situation?

What does maturity and empathy mean to you?

And how about making it a bit nicer? I do not ask you to be altruistic. But just think what makes sense to you. Is it really hurting people? Would you personally like all of this to happen to you? I leave this to you.

I think we should all sit more with our little ones and take care of them.

We need to give ourselves what we are looking for in others, or we did not receive when we needed it the most.

But do we have to avoid unpleasant and vulgar words? It’s not about being at one extreme or the other. Sometimes, such words used in the right context, tone, moment, and environment can help relieve tension or introduce an element of humor or be a form of emotional expression—just know some limits.

I know this text could be emotional for all of you, same for victims and bullies. If it was, please take this little step: stop for a moment and acknowledge how it actually impacted you. Little steps are important in the beginning. You need a solid foundation. How do you feel? Where in your body do you feel it? Is it only one emotion or a mix of it? Take as much time as you can and cry. Crying is nothing but your body regulating emotion - and for our guys there, you definitely can cry. Society may tell it's not masculine - but telling this is not humane. Crying is a normal thing, regardless of age.

Not only directed to men, but mostly for them: men should cry because suppressing emotions increases the risk of depression and suicide; studies show that crying reduces stress and actually can positively impact not only mental health. Expressing feelings decreases frustration and aggression. Many cultures still perceive crying as a sign of weakness, which can lead to further isolation and deepening emotional crises - look for these studies.

This is normal: healing is never linear. You will be facing setbacks and stagnation. You will go back to your negative self-talk, to your not adaptive behaviors. You will again go back to old beliefs.You will go back to seeing your self-worth based on how people view you. But healing is about lighting this little spark when you understand it is a process, and it does not have to be perfect from the beginning. It's about trying once again to see your value when you lose sight. You need to try to build a relationship with yourself as you need others to build it with you.

It is not even fully about the mistakes you make - it is about what you actually take from it, and sometimes people instead of judging will appreciate even the smallest positive change - trust me. Each day is a new opportunity to try something different, and you will not make a good choice every day. It's not about being fully focused on not making mistakes.

Some wounds can only be triggered and worked on in the relationship - but you will need a safe one for that. Not everything can be done just by yourself.

Once you feel ready: look up shadow work. Shadow work may not only show you the parts of yourself that need a hug but also the ones you can be proud of.

And think of your past, or the past of others—it may not always align with social norms or expectations, but each person’s path and past choices are shaped by circumstances: by upbringing, environment, developmental stage, and personal experiences or something not so obvious. Many who struggle with addiction face emotional challenges, those who seem lost or in lots of casual encounters may simply be longing for connection, and some end up in difficult situations reacting from emotions or limited choices or they just got set up. This perspective isn’t an excuse for harm if caused, but an invitation to see the fuller picture—to understand that often, behind difficult actions, there are human experiences shaped by complex, painful realities.

Ironically, the things we desire most can be the very ones we subconsciously avoid in lots of different, not so obvious ways due to inner reasons we may not fully understand.

You did your best with the most knowledge you had at that very moment and you need to forgive yourself.

You can change your opinions, perceptions, conclusions, behaviors, patterns, attitude - all the way you think and who you are if you want, at any time without feeling guilty for not being the same as before and others feeling uncomfortable with that, it is normal to feel discomfort when facing novelty.

You can question the societal beliefs, these you got from your parents or the groups we belong to - you can think outside the box. And it's not demonizing you or them. Really. Others may be surprised with your perspective and not accept it, but it does not make it wrong if it's not damaging.

Dear all: Each of us has our unique path and way of processing emotions. It's important to remember that seeking support from loved ones, friends, professionals, or self-help materials or even forums can be a valuable step on this journey - you do not have to be alone in the process. 

And I know some of you might need to hear this long ago or not so long ago when this was happening to them or due to them. Regardless if you were the bully or the target; how does it make you feel? Does it make you feel a little relieved? The ones who harmed others; do not punish yourself, just take accountability and try to do a good thing for someone. Sometimes, even the smallest compliment may make our day.

Remember - we are all at some point of our journey. Everyone starts somewhere, and the past does not define the person you are today. You can always change something. It is uncomfortable - yes. But it is worth the discomfort. 

Witnesses: if you see someone being gossiped about, excluded, isolated and treated badly - and there is no reason that is really rationally justified (and think if bad treatment is justified by the reason) - please recognise it and try standing up for them. I did this when I was growing up a few times. And yeah, I did have struggles with people. No one likes being called out when they do wrong things, despite knowing better. But when I found myself on the other side and there was this one person standing up for me in front of the whole class - I was more than thankful and will never forget this. I know this is scary, but if you do not want to put yourself in the potential risk of retaliation - try finding creative ways to help. They will really appreciate having one supporter. It does feel less lonely and tells them that there is nothing wrong with them if the other person can see this too.

Those who made it till the end, thank you. It was a long ride. Breathe a little....... Did something resonate with you on the way? 

This post is for both sides of disagreement, all of it. Some of the things directed to one group can help the other one - and the other way.

I might miss something or see it wrong or even express it wrong but I really did my best for it to be building instead of deprecating, I want you to gain some understanding towards yourself and others.

You can take as much time as you need to reflect and then share your thoughts. If you decide to share: take time to write; if you want to keep your privacy, do not include details. You do not have to expose too much of yourself if you feel uncomfortable. Sometimes, the first impression after reading also matters - feel free to speak, even "something resonated" is enough for me to know.

I am curious about your thoughts about this, but do not require sharing if this will be burdening. You can come back to read once again. Maybe it will give you a new perspective. Or you can just acknowledge and leave. Do what is in alignment with yourself. You are always welcome.

After such a long discussion - go, grab a cookie, go for a walk, whatever you need - do something nice for yourself. We sometimes need to move focus from ruminating to something lighter.

Hope this room was cozy enough for you.

Even if you take a small thing out of this for yourself, I hope it will have value to you.

My warmest regards,

Person in the crowd