I tried to post this on r/Askwomen but they just wouldn’t let me.

I recently moved in with a male roommate (platonic and I’d never date or sleep with him) and my boyfriend is pissed (but doesn’t want me living with him right now because we argue too much).

So I went to research to see if my boyfriend even had a right to be upset. Here’s what I found, and I just KNOW that most of this is based on porn-fueled mindsets.

—- The results of my research are astonishing. I looked at both the female and male perspective on opposite-sex roommates.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/1k94gf/would_you_date_a_guy_with_a_female_roommate/

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/7pdmhj/how_would_you_feel_about_your_gf_moving_in_with_a/

Does anyone else think the male response thread absolutely reeks of projection on what they’d want if they had a female roommate?

Do men think they rule us or something?! These aren’t even the only two threads - just two examples, but the rest of the threads I found reflect pretty much the same views.

The women are looking at it as two people living together and the men are acting like everything in the world revolves around sex. Surely this can’t be normal? Is this truly how men think? If we told these men they couldn’t have a female roommate for the same reasons they’re listing about women having male roommates, what do you think they’d say?

Also, a side conversation about porn directly:

Why do women get gaslit to hell when they’re uncomfortable with their partner using porn but things like this are common opinions (despite the subreddit it is posted in): https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueUnpopularOpinion/comments/12pkr1g/guys_shouldnt_be_considered_insecure_if_they_dont/

Am I the only one who thinks all of these “common” views men seem to have are literally insecure projections…..? I can’t be the only one to think that these mindsets might primarily stem from rising porn and sex addiction in men.

Has there ever been a large-ish group of people writing letters to their representatives in gov. requesting the regulation of porn via paywall? They Could use AI and put ALL porn behind paywalls requiring card payment, totally conceivable. Porn is bad for everyone, and like most addictive things, should not be handed out wildly and freely. Child abuse images would be just like instant police via robocop, auto-report/delete.

An outright ban might be difficult at this time but making it cost money might at least mitigate some of the damage. Might help protecting minors from exposure. Might alert spouses and partners of purchases via paper trail. Then the gov gets more taxes so maybe they'd be incentivized.

Clearly, as we have all experienced, porn is upending lives and even the concept of love, so I would say it constitutes an emergency and need to act. Paywalls would at least be better than a full blown digital id (bad for privacy) and puts the impetus on people who want to use porn to make that choice. If they want privacy, they can go back to those ancient adult video shops and congregate irl. Not like there is any shortage of strip clubs. Porn being free destroys the incentive for a lot of people to date at all. It is borderline cosmic tragedy fr . Thoughts? We need brochures explaining the issue and easy stats for older ppl at the very least.

Dating a guy for 2.5 years in a LDR who claims he never watched porn the whole time we were together and only used the photos and videos I gave to him of myself. Last night, I found out he had an OnlyFans account this whole time, but he claims he hasn't used it in 3 years and forgot about it. He claims he only followed free accounts so he wasn't paying for anything and didn't have any payments coming out of his bank so he says he just forgot he even had one. I really don't know whether to believe this or not, so I want to get some outside perspective.

Is it really possible he would have had his account this long and just, not remembered because he removed the app and didn't use it? what about emails from OnlyFans? wouldn't he have at least in the past few years gotten some even if he wasn't active? I read that you can still receive emails from free subs, so I'm thinking it's not impossible he did, in which case how wouldn't he see it and remember the account? everything in me screams "don't fall for this! he can easily lie to you" but I really love him, and I guess a small part of me whispers "but maybe he's telling the truth.."

I have no way to ever know, we live in different counties, so I can't physically check his things.. and he refused to give me the password to the account so that I could log on and see for myself.. this makes trusting that much harder. I don't really know what to believe here, and I just feel really confused and hurt. Porn is cheating to me, especially considering we are long-distance, and intimacy through images and videos and calls are all we have to connect sexually, so it stings a bit more for me to know he'd be watching other women's content while having so much of mine.. just wanted to vent about this and hear others opinions. I know no one here can give me the real truth, but I think just getting this off my chest and hearing some replies might help me feel better.

Hi everyone I’m a 21 yo virgin woman who is obviously anti porn for a multitude of reasons. I wanted to share my journey and ask a question about how to navigate dating as someone who is very anti porn.

I made my first private twitter account at 16, after years of actively avoiding porn, as a way to “safely” explore my sexuality in a very tame way as I thought the homemade videos were more palatable at the time (and consensual). My account essentially became a library of gifs, clips and links to videos I’d return to, none of which contained anything rough, painful or anything that looked like the woman was in any sort of harm, it was all pretty vanilla tbh. Anytime I would come across a clip with “family” “sibling” connotations or other degrading buzzwords in the title I’d report it and block it.

Also, whenever I would watch it I’d visually substitute whoever was on the screen with myself and a celebrity crush, partner etc. I was also able to go without it for weeks at a time just to see if I could (to prove I wasn’t addicted I suppose). Because of all this, I felt that my consumption of porn wasn’t “that bad” and when I got my first boyfriend at 20, I didn’t care that he also watched porn bc when we discussed it it seemed like we were on exactly the same page. He wanted to have sex with me before I was ready and that, along with some other factors caused me to break up with him.

I am 21 now, I’ve been radicalised and so I’ve stopped watching it entirely and simply resorting to my own vivid imagination whenever I need to. I’d really love to have a genuine sexual experience with someone at some point but I don’t do hookups or casual dating and I definitely don’t want to have sex with someone who I trust as a partner but turns out months later, they consume porn but lied to me.

I’m really grateful for this sub along with many others for being an outlet that educated me that there’s no such thing as ethical porn or porn consumption and I’m finally awake to this fact.

Is there any way you guys are able to navigate this as a single person in the dating scene? Any tips or mindsets that aid you guys are deeply appreciated :)

Me and my daughter (whom is 13) have started playing Metal Gear Solid 4 on the PS3. The past metal gear games had somewhat sexualized content, (some suggestive posters, or some magazines that distract the soldiers called 'adult books'l but they weren't too prominent. Anyways we were at a part of the game and she picked up an item named "Playboy". I almost immediately felt sick. Once she went to bed I got on the game myself to look at it, because I was hoping it was just a bad translation. Nope. It was a playboy magazine.

Now I get the game was made for teenage boys and young men in the 2000s, but seriously? You're branding it now? It just made me feel super icky. Apparently looking at it also restores Snake's (the main character) stamina and lowers his stress. You could also view the pages, which were girls in bikinis. I just felt super repulsed, as porn fucked my up when I was her age. I just think it's horrible they even had the 'adult magazines', let alone putting a branded one in there.

it’s quite simple but people who are sheep and follow the rest of the herd - well, it’s going to take a little more convincing when they are incapable of forming their own morals and thoughts.

“ how is porn cheating?” he asks,

well, imagine - just imagine this.

a man is in front of me naked, but he can’t see me. he’s not aware that i’m there. i can’t touch him, he can’t touch me.

i am touching myself to his body. pleasure building as i perverse on his body, the way he touches himself, his skin, his figure, the moans coming from his mouth.

i orgasm to his body. his actions.

“ well yeah, i kinda see that now.. but they’re just actors?”

no, they’re people. they’re real people. just like celebrities that people worship. they’re real people, like you and me.

“ well sometimes my partner isn’t in the mood or i just don’t have the energy to fuck so i watch porn.”

okay, well if your partner isn’t in the mood, get over it. communicate with them. go workout. go learn something new. rotting your head with porn and destroying how you view your partner isn’t it. you don’t have the energy to fuck ? your partner ? but you have the energy to look up porn and perverse on other women ? why wouldn’t you use her videos/pictures ? ( if she consents) if you just absolutely have to. why not her?

“ i like watching the different actions, they’re just fantasies.”

fantasies that are killing you and how you perceive love and truth. fantasies that are killing your libido, breaking your partners trust and heart, supporting exploitation and abuse, you keep looking for the next extreme thing because you’ve killed your fucking brain with how desensitized you are. what’s next ? child p0rn? like so many people watch because they become so fucking sick in the head, everything is about sex and perversion ? they’re just actions ? actions that your loved one may not do or be unable to do so you are not satisfied when in fact they give ABOVE AND BEYOND, but because you are now so fucking desensitized and crave more and more you draw further and further away from them.

“ okay, i get that. but what if we both like watching it?”

then you will never understand true intimacy. the look in your partners eyes being able to arouse you. their laugh even. the way they smell. how they look after a shower or in the morning. you will never understand your partner. one another. you both will never make love, not true love.

if you follow the herd of sheep because it is deemed as normal you will fall into a inevitable death pit. you will be 50 staring at yourself and being bitter. never being able to understand love fully you will hate those who do. or if you can wake the fuck up and stray from the herd, you will find someone or maybe just yourself, you will see beyond the horizon beyond the valley that entraps your sickness.

you will be free

I hate porn. in fact nothing in this world could make me angrier. it almost broke my parents apart. i started studying it, i watched it. i hated it. i started learning about trafficking, abuse, exploitation, child abuse, how it destroys love.

when i was 17 i had my first boyfriend, i vented to him with tears in my eyes how much i hated it. how its cheating. how it destroys love. he said he loved me and would never watch it. that i was enough.

our relationship was great. i was so deeply in love. the sex was amazing and happened multiple times a day.

he was scrolling through his phone one day after i took him to longhorn steak house, and then was going to pay for our movies too. i saw in the history tab while he was looking for something he had searched previously about guns.

i saw Xraya something, i said “ what’s that?” he said “ oh you just said you looked like the disney princess so i was looking if you did,” i laughed and clicked on it. how easy and smooth he lied. how i asked for reassurance nonstop and he looked me in the face and told me he loved me and would never do anything to hurt me.

it was porn. i scroll though his history more now my heart breaking. each video, i played some of the videos. they were white blonde girls with bleached assholes and invisible labia and clits. their skin air brushed. their moans soft. i saw how all the girls were so “intimate” sucking dick as a pov.

he’s an ex now.

but now, i’m 21 years old and i have hated myself ever since. i have extreme paranoia. i won’t be in a relationship if it’s far distance there is no trust. my current boyfriend lives with me actually. i broke down to him finally trusting again , he’s beautiful and doesn’t like it. but he used to watch it all the time, he admitted. i educated him on it. he truly finds it disgusting and reassures me without me asking , like leaving his phone with me while he showers.

i’m left with constantly questioning him , almost angry.. telling him that the porn shit is fake, that this is a real woman’s body. that women have labiaplasty to make their vuvla appear like that. etc. i questioned him in the beginning nonstop. what he watched. how much. why. if he was an addict etc.

that’s besides the point though,

it’s left me so traumatized that i began obsessing over my body parts. i went to the gym and got my dream figure. i bleach my asshole and i exfoliate and use brightening washes on my vuvla, laser hair removal - it’s all worked but do i feel beautiful ? no

so i took the next step, i cut off my labia and clit. everytime i looked in the mirror from the constant thoughts, the videos in my head, i couldn’t stand seeing it. the lips, the protruding lips and clitorial hood.

i tried loving it.

my current said it was so beautiful. he was sad that i was going to have labiaplasty.

i thought maybe, just maybe the voices in my head will go away. maybe if i look like them… he or anybody won’t feel the need to perverse on other women or look at that shit.

i felt like the issue.

it was never me. it was never me.

but that’s what the trauma can cause a person. when their loved one who they felt so safe with and believed their every word - gets caught. seeing and replaying the videos to understand what she did that you couldn’t do ? my body was fit and toned, the women he watched were skinny, i couldn’t understand it.

am i happy now ? no. i still find imperfections. now i want a boob job. i never feel beautiful even though people tell me i am.

porn is fucking evil. the weak men who defend it and become addicted are not people who are able to love. they become cucks. unable to talk to a real woman. they think beautiful women are sex objects because of what they see in porn. they become rude to them. they are so addicted they justify it while they break the hearts of people who trust and love them

i hate it. i wish i could heal

A short time ago, I didn't see porn as a negative thing. I consumed it from time to time without giving it much thought, but my perspective changed quite a bit when I joined a Discord of an artist who also created a NSFW comic. The difference there was incredible: most of the day was spent sharing NSFW content and, in general, people had pretty strong fetishes, such as NTR (infidelity) or incest, plus a very distorted view of sexuality, where the only thing that mattered was seeing very voluptuous female bodies and reducing sex to a simple “in and out”. Literally, most of them focused only on sounds or terms like “PLAP! PLAP! PLAP!” or repeated the word ‘BREED,’ as if that was their entire perception of what sex is.

And the curious thing was how these guys, for the most part, had very low self-esteem, felt ugly and thought no one would want them. They also had a very wrong view of women, thinking that there was some kind of “trick” to pick them up or that they only looked at superficial things like social status. Worst of all, many of them actually believed in rigid gender roles, thinking that women are completely different from men in terms of what they look for or how they relate. I was surprised to see that most did not understand that women are people, just like men, and that there is no magic formula for having a successful love life, i.e. you don't need to believe in those stupid ideas about what you are supposed to do to be loved.

As I watched these interactions, I started to reflect on how porn and certain fetishes can distort our view of sexuality and relationships

i don't know where else to speak out about this, but i am absolutely horrified by the amount of 'transgender' pages on porn sites

the tags, titles, & performances treat us like cross-dressing drag trash who only exist to fulfill their twisted fetishes.

i am tired of chasers i am tired of being someone's fantasy i only wish to love

i just saw a god awful post on another subreddit. it was men discussing how they masturbate to their female friends. i was in shock reading those comments. and they wonder why we don’t want them to have female friends….i feel sick to my stomach.

Just wanna hear your perspectives and explanations for men's entitlement to porn.

I talked to my boyfriend, and I know that he lied to me about his porn use once, when we agreed to not watch anymore. I just wondered "why, why, he is a decent and good man and honesty is so important to him (he was betrayed in his earlier relationship with a woman he has a 12 yo son) he would never betray me)

What could make him lie ? I wasn't even that emotional and super -anti -porn like I am now.

So I asked him, if he maybe felt "entitled" to watch porn because he worked so hard and felt like he deserved it.

He agreed and now I want to find out more about the psychology and reasons why men feel entitled to watch porn (and how to minimize this entitlement for my partner.)

Please tell me any info if you know group of people or a person that actively raise awareness of it, thanks 🙏🏼

I wish this wasnt so normalized.

I wish i could have grown up in a world without so unbelievably easy access to porn.

I think my life would look VERY different right now, i feel like i have been used and my innocence has been taken away from me. can't believe i didnt realize this shit sooner. gonna take a while for me to get back, but I am so incredibly determined right now. I think this subreddit is what I need.

with all of my heart, FUCK porn. please let that hell on earth crash, burn, die and bleed out soon.

sorry if this is too low effort or not on topic, i just needed a good vent.

This is her twitter profile picture. She makes $43.4 million dollars annually. Buying porn from someone who looks 12 is IMMORAL. Buying porn from anyone is immoral. What this does is continues the cycle of women being viewed as sexual objects that can be purchased. This a normalization of pedophilia and allows purchasers to get as close to it without a charge. I was removed from the radical feminism subreddit for pointing this out. Smh

How do you know if a guy you’re seeing watches porn and how do u ask? Basically I am new to dating and I struggle to bring up this topic in the first or second date.

It’s natural to want to impress or be compatible with someone you like but I’ve had guys lie to me about their past sexual experiences and their stance on pornography.

I have a zero tolerance for porn even if someone recognised it’s wrong but is addicted I would struggle to continue the relationship.

Im a male 24 and i have been trying to quit for over a year now. I had some big leaps by having had one month not watching it at all (one of the best months of my life, sadly i relapsed) and being able to “have fun on my own” without external stimulation.

I came to a big realization a couple of days ago, for most this might be very obvious but it wasn’t for me. Porn is so extremely fake in multiple areas. I came to realize that porn only focusses on 2 parts of your nervous system: sight and hearing. All the other senses have nothing to do with porn. You dont actually smell the “sex” in the air, feel the touch of someone who isnt you, etc.

I also came to realize how boring porn is also. There is 0 connection. Porn videos and sites try to fake connection via: looking directly into the camera as if she or he is making eye contact with you, sexy talks to you trying to make you feel wanted, roleplays so to distract from the connection and focus more on the “oehhh i really shouldn’t do this” thought

Half a year ago i got my first real experience with sex and even better with someone i cared about, we dont speak anymore but she left me with a experience that started to change the way i truly look at sex and connection.

Its weird but for the first time in my life, porn really doesn’t do it for me, i catch myself scrolling through the hub for an hour still trying to find that one video but to be f-ing honest, im really disgusted.

You start to realize how weird and fucked up these scenes are, the idears behind the videos even more. I had these kinks before, not afraid to share these but these were heavy, and weird now i look back at them. What i noticed also with my first experience is that kinks i thought i liked (like taking full control) was something i actually didn’t like, also i found out i liked to be touched at my ears from all places, i now know that that is also a place for pleasure. These kinks i would have never been able to atleast explore for a little bit if i didn’t have this experience.

Final thoughts: To anyone still struggling like myself to be 100% porn free and have the real pleasure of masterbation and sex back, realise that porn is just fake, nothing more,

every picture that isn’t illegal is made by someone that either works in the porn industry, has some kind of only fans, and most of all dont know you, dont care about you, never will and are just doing their “job”, also any picture that is ILLIGAL is made without consent, photoshopped (ai) to hell, made for someone special and that special person not being you, etc. So what porn is left, art like the text in books, the poems and the paintings of old, porn where humons dont use others or themselves as a means to make money but actually for the sexual pleasure behind it all.

The girl or guy you love for the person they are, the person who looks you in your eyes for real and actually sees you, touches you for real not just sexually, smells like the perfume you love and not the stained bedsheets you most likely lie on now, and wants you for real is what makes sex great and connection real.

I (18M) started watching porn at age of 13, the idea of that i spent my hole life since I became sexually grown is scary What is life without fappig and porn? I want to know so I decided to stop today and I like to share it with you guys I'm writing every day a summary of how my day went without porn

So I used to talk to this guy on Facebook and I told him porn is a dealbreaker and he quickly scrambled to say he's gonna 100% quit so I was like hm okay. We all know porn addicts lie through their teeth but for arguments sake lets just say he did quit porn.

The thing is, regardless of him not watching porn, years of watching did such damage to his brain and views on women that he couldn't even behave like a normal human being. EVERYTHING was made sexual.

I would say I'm going running. Normal person: "Oh nice! How many miles did you go? :) " Him: "What were you wearing? ;) Tight leggings?" Um, there's literally nothing sexy about running, heavy breathing and flared nostrils.

Whenever I would say I went out with my cousins he would only ask "what were you wearing?" and ZERO about the actual event, what I did etc. He would sexualise anything and everything women do. Cooking? He would say he's imagining me naked underneath an apron. Resting at home? He'd ask what I am wearing. Bro, it's fucking 28.4 Fahrenheit I'm wearing 2 layers of sweats and 2 layers of sweaters wtf did you think? The way porn usage programmes men to always view women as sexual objects even in the most ridiculous contexts is heart-breaking. He would talk to me like I'm his personal sex-doll, thank fuck I never met up with him and was never going to. Even me posting a simple photo of me smiling and holding my cat and he would say he imagined a blowjob. This man was so messed up mentally than when I told him I was sick with a FLU and felt terrible, he told me "good sex will make you feel better ;)". Thinking back on it now, that makes me angry and SICK to my stomach. Who the fuck does that?? Not even a fucking "get well soon. Try having some ginger tea and lemon". Ugh, it makes my skin scrawl.

This man also still had hard r fantasies, would tell me how he was thinking about assaulting me but frame it like it's romantic? When I say he genuinely could not hold a conversation outside of sex, he couldn't. Absolute brain rot conversations. Positions, cream pie, hitting, degradation etc. For someone who says he doesn't watch porn, he sure still loved to mentally indulge and think about the same things a porn addict would.

He was probably lying about no longer watching it, but for arguments sake it just goes to show that even after quitting, the oversexualisation and views on women persists. The experience made me realise that not watching porn doesn't mean you respect women even 0.3% and the reason WHY you do not watch porn (human trafficking, treatment of women, psychological wellbeing) is more important than simply not watching porn. ALWAYS avoid the men who say they quit porn when they're dating someone and can now have access to sex, it has no moral basis and is shallow af. You can't just undo years of brainwashing by simply stop watching porn. No, by that point some of these men's entire personalities and behaviour is shaped by it. Anyone else dealt with "ex-porn watchers" who very much still behave like one?

Like, prior to media having a place for porn and innuendo, were humans always as horny as they are today? Has the ease of and younger access to porn online sex scenes in TV shows and movies, made people more sexual than they otherwise would be?

I enjoy music a lot but am having difficulty finding artists that explicitly state their views. I enjoy a wide range of music, from metal to country to folk to pop, so any suggestions are welcome.. Looking for music with some anti-porn/prostitution sentiment. Recommendations in Spanish are welcome too.

Edit: not saying I'm against sex workers. I'm against the consumption of sex as a commodity, visually and physically, and my ideology is scientifically backed. Carry on.

Please give more tips

Need to get rid of this evil thing But I don't want a religious framework to give up fapping and porn I wanna do it on secular principles and scientific ones Please help I wank too much and watch porn .I've been not watching anything for 7days and I'm much happier Just scared I relapse Plz help I can't talk to anyone

Even if you somehow managed to control all porn so that it meets all ethical requirements, everyone involved loved doing it, it portrays people of all body types and races, and it isn't overdramatized, then it would still be bad.

First of all, it will never fucking happen. Never in a million years. The porn industry thrives on abuse, objectifing people and making sex seem like some kinda action thriller. Nobody would watch it if it was a realistic depiction of sex. "Porn is educational!!" my ass.

And if it was ""harmless"", if you obsessively watched it beyond just like an instructional video and/or masturbated to it, you're training yourself to get off to an image rather than a real life partner. I think masturbating occasionally by yourself is completely fine but when you add pictures into it, it triggers the same chemicals in your brain as if you were with another person. There is no emotional connection between you and this image yet you are sexually gratifying yourself to it. What message does this send to the brain? That you don't need an emotional connection to have sex? This still trains your brain to view a sex partner as an object or just "something that gets you off" rather than a deep and intimate act that emotionally bonds you to them.

Let me know your thoughts and opinions.

❤️ So, politics are a well known topic for paid troll farms of certain businesses to create division and confusion for topics that oppose their businesses.

I have noticed a big uptick in political sides. WE’RE NOT HERE TO FIGHT EACHOTHER. Absolutely not.

Any emotional distraction from the main topic is easily a direct attack on the subreddit as a whole. And we know exactly whom big businesses don’t want us talking about the porn industry.

Even if you’re not a bot and you’re commenting political things, please consider stopping because it hides bots among us.