He said he wasn't watching porn anymore and I found him watching a bunch of Belle Delphine youtube videos. They're nothing sexual but he was watching her videos back to back. Months ago, he was watching porn of her.

Hi guys I’m not sure how to even go about posting this. I feel ignorant on the subject so maybe some of you might be able to help. He claims to have stopped watching porn but I’m sure that is a lie. I haven’t caught anything on the browsers in a while. However, when I go to instagram and look at recent activity and go to links, I can see he has clicked on links that send you to things like onlyfans and such. My question is , how does he even get there through instagram? I’ve looked to see his recent searches and non of it reflects the links he’s opened. Does anyone have any insight ?

I went through my boyfriend's phone and found maybe 30+ different models trying to message him. The models weren't saying anything interesting, just trying to get sales up like "check out this new video!" type of shit. I looked through most of them and I never saw him text anything to them. Does he have to accept these messages or anything because the models send these things to him weekly. He isn't subscribed to anyone either I think. He was but it was a couple years ago, before we dated. I'm just really confused. Anyone who has this issue or has dealt with only fans users help me out?

He's getting smarter and deleting stuff. Can I see what he's deleting at all?

i told my boyfriend he could watch porn whenever he wants since we're long distance now.

he hasn't watched porn in a while since he knows it upsets me and that i don't want it in our relationship and he respects that. all he does now is read literotica. but idk, something came over me today. i've been struggling with really low-esteem more than usual and i decided that he should just be able to watch other, prettier, sexier women because i'm not good enough. i'm so fucking ugly and i've gained 35 pounds in a year and i'm just disgusting overall. i'm so gross. i'm actually one of the most unattractive people ever. idk what he sees in me. he always compliments me and tells me that he's really attracted to me but i just never believe it. i think i did start to believe him at one point, but then i found out about his porn use.

i'm just not good enough and i never will be. i also haven't been very sexual with him recently, because i hate myself so much, and so if i'm not satisfying him then why shouldn't he just be satisfied with other women? i told him he could watch porn whenever he wants while we're long distance, while i'm not satisfying him, while i'm not pretty and small enough. we agreed that he'll tell me when he watches, and i won't ask any questions.

i told myself that i don't care anymore. but i actually do. i just hurt myself on purpose. everything was going so well too. it's almost as if i want him to watch porn so that i can keep comparing myself to the women he jerks off to, and motivate myself to "be better" - to be prettier, to be sexier, to be smaller, to be more desirable. but i know that i'll just never be enough for him, or anyone else for that matter. i give up.

TL;DR- i want more sex like when he first stopped watching, but he's depressed. Resentment is building because he could masturbate to porn 2× daily but has a hard time coming to me more than 1×weekly. How do I get over resentment and be empathic and supportive through this hard and trying time?

I have a high libido, 3× a week is about my minimum, but comfortable. Before Dday we only did it about once a week and it's not for lack of trying on my part. End of August he stopped watching and our sex life blossomed, 3-5× a week for about two months. Our relationship also improved significantly (though it was incredibly hard at first) and we did all the healthy things, talking, listening, validating, setting boundaries, respecting boundaries, and making a plan and slowly but surely putting it all into action. (Last step is therapy and we are working on it and it's coming along, we're just not in it quite yet)

His work life tanked after coming home from a vacation the end of September and since then, he hasnt initiated at all (except on my birthday, I'll give him that) and our frequency has significantly dropped. I know work had really taken its toll on him, he has clearly been depressed and im sure that is the main contribution to his drop in desire. I did confront him about it (said i was worried about relapse) and he was very hurt and a bit defensive that instead of addressing his depression, I was "bringing up the porn thing again". To be fair, I didn't verbally adress his mental health struggles very bluntly or obviously, but i had been extremely supportive. Listening, giving advice, checking in, providing distractions, asking do you want to vent, find solutions or get your mind off it? Plus all the passive things, trying to ease his burdens - med adjustments and setting dr appointments, additional housework, making any requests minimal, giving massages, etc. And I immediately acknowledged that I jumped a little to quickly on the anxiety train and he was right, he has been depressed and it's perfectly understandable to have a drop in sexual desire when you hit those lows..

But it's really taking its toll on me at this point. I'm not burned out on giving him support at all, I just want sex and he doesn't. I feel like I shouldn't ask for sex more often because that just puts pressure on him and he feels like he's not good enough in yet another area of his life. We've had these talks at several points in our relationship and my sexual needs not being met have been a pretty consistent sore subject (with the porn addiction and all, it was really rough there for a minute). I suppose I dont know how to stifle the resentment that is budding? I dont want to masturbate, I want to have sex with him. I don't want to feel like I'm constantly begging or the only one initiating physical intimacy. It feels unfair that he could masturbate to porn twice a day every day, but i only get him once a week. It doesn't feel fair that I prefer him but it appears he preferred to pleasure himself. I am a very sexual person, so I still initiate often, but a part of me just wants to stop all together. I feel like that would lead to more resentment as I'd be basically punishing him by withholding sex, but also passively punishing myself.

We've looked into several different types of therapy and are working on the financial aspect and should be able to at least get him in soon, couples therapy is definitely also a mutual goal.

Has anyone gone through this? How do you stop resentment? I want to be understanding and empathic of his battles, both with bouts of depression and the struggle of fighting off his addiction, but damn I want to be taken care of too.

I need help. Is there any way to heal without therapy? The idea of going to therapy is daunting. Trying to find someone is difficult, and then I worry about seeing the wrong person and starting the process all over again.

My husband seems to be stopping for real this time. This time it is different because I gave him an ultimatum. I said I was "done" and I said "you can have the porn but you can't have me." He chose me.

I think I believe that he will change this time. But my problem isn't the future, my problem is the past.

I am having so much trouble getting past things. I hate that it took me threatening to leave for him to actually stop. Why wasn't the fact that it hurt me so much enough for him to stop? I hate that I was the secondary sexual relationship for him for all these years. Porn was his primary relationship. I hate that. I hate that he would have kept doing it forever if I hadn't given him an ultimatum. I hate that he lied to me so many times. I hate that he neglected me through most of my pregnancy and was watching porn instead of having sex with me. I hate that he looked at all of those women. I hate that I can't look at old photos of us without wondering if he jerked off that day. I can't even look at our wedding pictures anymore. I took our wedding photo off the wall. I feel like my entire marriage has been a lie.

I want to get past all this. I want to trust him and forgive him. I don't want to keep ruminating on all this. But I don't know how to get past it all.

I know therapy is ideal, but again, I'm afraid of therapy. It seems so daunting. Does anyone have any other advice for me? How do I heal? How do I forgive and trust again?

Went through his phone and found this. No link history I see, saved passwords or emails with a thing from of. All the rest of the porn sights have no usage. Could this have been an ad? Does this mean he has an account?

Which accountability or blocking app actually tracks Incognito mode on YouTube? And scans phone at all times for porn? Thanks.

I feel so pathetic crying out for my partner to be a partner and to love me. I feel so pathetic for allowing myself to be rejected over and over. I feel so pathetic getting lied to over and over. I feel so pathetic.

I want to talk to him, and be around him, but when I am I just hate him the entire time. I have so much resentment. This feels so tumultuous. I feel so fucking awful. I ignore him for hours, but then I’ll miss him so much I’ll be clingy. It’s like starving yourself all day and then binge eating at night.

How the fuck did I end up here?

My bf (m21) is into feet. He discovered this during our relationship. I don’t mind it at all, but what I do mind is him seeking out other girls feet. I just went through his Reddit and he’s following a bunch of foot fetish pages. He has a PA I have no clue how to help him. Please gimme advice and hugs 🥺

I'm (27f) in the ultimate conundrum. My partner (28m) is in many ways so wonderful and my best friend. He told me he had a bad porn addiction and it had been bad since he was very young. We had started to have less sex and he seemed to be struggling mentally. I said I didn't have a problem with it and would do whatever he needed me to whilst he got himself better. He clearly has sex issues in general but I love him so much I was willing to work through this. He did a couple of things to try get better like apps and research etc.

He said he didn't want to be like this anymore. About a year he says he isnt addicted anymore and it no longer controls his life. We still rarely have sex. I found on the laptop history and it's just tabs and tabs of girls. It's content of girls on their own. I also saw he had looked at his ex girlfriends porn account and it's just broken me.

When I asked him about this he said it was unfair for me to ask him to stop watching (which I get may be fair) but I kept saying about how many boundaries he had crossed, I said I was thinking of leaving and he said if I did it was my own choice and my own fault. I would be throwing away a good relationship over nothing. I think we were both way too emotional to be having that conversation in hindsight. Re: ex gf... He says he just wanted to see what she was up to with her life and my god is that the biggest load of bs you've heard.

How can I rebuild this trust? I'm so sad because I love him so much and outside of this things are pretty great. He won't do anything about his addiction as he's "cured now". I feel so bad about myself, I know it's nothing about me or how I look but it still hurts so deep. Sorry for the long post, any help or experience shared is appreciated 🫶

Does anyone know what would cause someone to get instagram email notifications about random girls he doesn't follow? Could it be someone he followed 3+ years ago? Or is it someone he's recently looked at? I'm trying not to overthink, but that's difficult. TIA

What boundaries would have to be crossed for you to walk away from him? He's broken several of mine and I feel like my emotions are pushed to the side but what if I leave an amazing relationship behind?

Hi there! Both my husband and I are working our recovery successfully with therapy, podcasts and support groups. But some days we really just need a break but I'm pretty sure developing new ideas andpaths is a key way to prevent relapses. Basically become better people.

I'm wondering if anyone has any Spotify audiobook recommendations for anything not addiction related that you can recommend? Or that you as the addict or the partner of one found was almost equally helpful in your recovery journeys?

I will note, that we are not religious people, although we are very spiritual. So I guess anything recommended regarding that I would just want something that wasn't based on a certain religious mindset or set of beliefs.

I read a lot of posts and I think of my situation and I’m just wondering….why stay? Other than financial, which I get when you have been with someone for a long time. But how does the emotional side add up? If my PA proposed, I would say a no, but my heart keeps telling me I would say yes, even though my mind is not happy and my heart is broken. Just looking for insight.

My (29f) boyfriend (32m) have been together for a bit over 1 year. Approximately 6 months ago, I noticed that he was following several women on TikTok who post provocative content, meaning videos of them half-naked and showing their bodies. No hate to those women, but it made me uncomfortable because in my opinion I want my partner to seek sexual gratification from me only. I realize this opinion differs from person to person and relationship to relationship, but again my opinion is that watching that content is disrespectful and disloyal if a boundary is in place. So, my feelings were hurt but we had not discussed that boundary and he agreed to unfollow them. So, the boundary was in place and clear.

Last night, I sent him a video on TikTok and I had not used the app in a while…so curiosity got the best of me, and I looked at his following list. I immediately saw an account of a half naked woman and upon reviewing her account, it was just created 2 months ago and there were only about 15 videos posted. Every single video was her showing her body half naked with sexual captions….

I am really hurt because we had such a clear discussion regarding this.

I texted him about it last night. His response: “Jesus fuck. I thought we moved past this..”

Me: “Moving past this would mean you stopped doing it, correct? But that account is 2 months old”.

Him: “Really lay it on me and tell me how you really feel since I havent cheated or entertained any other woman but you through everything. If you are done then be done. I do not want to do this back and forth on this”

Me: “I genuinely cannot believe you, or your response to me calling you out right now”

Him: “Any account that I think you might even consider is close to what you are hurt by is now unfollowed. I don't follow accounts to sexualize women or watch their content on repeat wishing I had them. I never have. It's why I responded that way is because you are assuming that I am sexualizing them when I am not”

Me: “So you followed her for what reason??? Every video is of her body half naked doing something sexual.

Him: “I wouldn't know since I never went through her profile to find out.. I have said everything i can on this. I am sorry I hurt you and you feel like this. It was not my intent and I wouldn't do something malicious to you either. If you are really done, then I understand and I am sorry”.

I then told him to save his breath and blocked his phone number… that is how hurt I am. And I am literally in love with this man. He has never spoken to me like that before…. After I blocked him, he eventually realized he was blocked and just messaged me on Facebook apologizing and asking if we can talk… saying he has eyes for me and only me…. I have not responded because I don’t know what to do. He clearly does not “have eyes only for me”. Or he wouldn’t follow those women. He should have scrolled past… not clicked follow…. And you know what??? Physically, I am way out of his league…. Like it is apparent. But I am attracted to him because of his insides…. So that makes me physically attracted to him. I just don’t understand why he would do this…. And I don’t know if I should go back. I want to message him back but at the same time I want to tell him to fuck off. Do men who don’t do this even exist??? Everything else with our relationship is great but this hurts!!! Thoughts????

I could vent endlessly, but I want to get this out of my system:

I find it the most hurtful (aside from the web of lies) that my PA almost always watches cam girls masturbating. Like full blown, up close, point of view stuff, where it I feel like he wants to be soooo immersed and fantasize that he's actually the one receiving the personal open vag shot or getting that BJ where she's staring in to his eyes and smiling for him.

I find all his porn viewing offensive and it was a hardline I drew days in to our relationship. I asked him and he said "no, not a problem" early on.

Am I the only one who finds cam stuff worse than "regular" stuff?

Could he be visiting websites like Strip Chat & Chaturbate & not be spending money/interacting with the cam girls?

I miss being so innocent and ignorant. I never cared about porn, or strip clubs. That’s because I didn’t know the extent of these things.

We watched porn together a couple of times. We’d talk about the genres we enjoyed. I would occasionally stumble across his pornhub searches and giggle. I didn’t care if he went to strip clubs with his friends. I didn’t care if girls twerked on him in the club. He used to make me feel so beautiful and desired.

I never even knew porn addiction was a thing. I assumed it was an occasional occurrence that had no effect on him or our relationship. I didn’t know that you can pay strippers for sex acts. Or lingerie baristas.

I didn’t know he was jacking off to hidden nudes of his ex. I didn’t know he was trying to take girls from the bars home. I didn’t know he was spending thousands of dollars on OnlyFans while telling me he can’t get me Christmas gifts because money was too tight. (I’m a stay at home mom with a special needs child).

I didn’t know he was having sex with prostitutes.

Our relationship started so amazing. I was the happiest I had ever been in my whole life. Over the years, he would very slowly pull away. Little tiny changes that seemed too small to worry about at the time. I became so depressed and actually thought it was all in my head and even sought out medication. Looking back I can’t believe the shit I put up with. It was such a slow progression from treating me like a princess to treating me like dirt that I didn’t even notice.

I never really looked through his phone. I trusted him. Once I finally did, oh my god the trauma I experienced. It’s been a year and I can still feel like dizzying sensation and the knots in my stomach.

I’m just feeling sad right now.

Hey everyone, I’ve posted here before and now I’m looking for advice. First of all, my bf is at work and he is coming home next week, and since he left for work I’ve been having nightmares and a baaad gut feeling. I can’t seem to ignore it at all. Well ever since I caught him he told me about his addiction when he was younger and that it ended a year before our relationship started. He promised me to never do it again and that he is a man of his word. He even suggested that we download an accountability if it makes me feel better. Well as of right now I’m in a bad place, and today he was so cold and distant over text which makes me think he is guilty of doing it again (my gut just won’t stop yelling). I feel like I’m going crazy, and it doesn’t matter if he is home or away, I just need to have control. Well I’ve been thinking and I really want to try using an accountability app. I don’t think I can do this anymore without some sort of proof that he is actually not watching porn.

Finally, Reddit users of this sub, what else can I suggest to him? And how should I start the conversation with him when he gets home? And should I trust my gut this time too?

A few days ago I told my boyfriend that watching porn is a deal breaker for me which is when he confessed he’s had an addiction for 10 years.

He told me since me and him have been together (2 years) he’s only relapsed a few times.

He says he rationalised it in his head by saying he loves me and it’s just a visual need. We’re also medium distance so see each other every 2 weeks or so so I understand he needs a fix - I’ve sent him so many nudes and videos which he says he uses but why does he also need other women if he has videos of a woman he loves?

He has a much lower sex drive than me but told me he used to masturbate to porn everyday? So he can masturbate over random women every day but not make love to his girlfriend? I don’t understand at all.

I’m trying to be chill and understanding about this but I really don’t know how. As stupid as it sounds it genuinely feels like I’ve been cheated on. When he told me I felt my heart breaking.

Has anyone else experienced this? Like, I remember when we used to spoon in bed and his mere breath on my neck would be enough to turn me on. But now all of that desire, that stir of passion and want is just... gone.

How am I supposed to have sex with him when all I can imagine is the porn pics of other women he had saved on his pc? The forums he looked at for leaked OF pics? The Fetlife account he claimed he only used 'to know if other people shared his kink and he was not a fucking weirdo' (keep in mind we are VERY open about kinks, BDSM, etc and I always was happy to discuss and practice them). All the lies and betrayal? All the constant thoughts of "was he thinking of banging those women whenever we had sex?" Like how am I supposed to fuck you when I dont feel safe emotionally or physically with you?

And the worst part is that I also feel myself losing my love for him. Yeah he is 'finally' addressing it with proper therapy, but why did it have to take me breaking down three times? Breaking my heart three times for you to do the bare fucken minimum?

I know him going is for the best and at least he is doing something for his recovery, but I worry that my partner (m18) being around these addicts will make him want to relapse? Like what if the stuff they say and their behaviour rubs off on him idk.

Hi any ladies from the UK I am looking for a good CSAT there's only one I found local and she hasn't replied so will probably need to be an online based one which is not really what he wanted but looks like our only option right now

My husband acted out on Airbnb 2 nights ago. He lied about it very convincingly btw but he lied. To me, to his daily renewal partner and to his whole fellowship meeting. Nothing is safe. We are already in an out of home separation. I am very much approaching my wits end. I just need some support. I don’t like Sanon. Any non religious groups that you guys like? I also have no friends bc my PA husband acted out to pictures of them and I can’t even be in the same room as them anymore. Of course not because of them, because of him and my own insecurity. I just need some people.

This group has been such a great resource for me and for once I don’t feel like the only person going through this hell. But does anyone else get triggered by this group too?

Just like what the title says, how do you bring your check ins up? Does your PA do it or do you bring it up? Is it a mixture of both of you?

Also if you don’t mind me asking how do you go about them? Are they focused on you or the PA or both? Do you have check ins every night or how? Thank you!! 🙏