My partner is telling me essentially that my lack of companionship is what has caused him to continue his porn use....is this just a cop out? I told him I withdrew affection when I found out about his addiction and essentially asked if he could blame me. He then went on to tell me how I'm only seeing him as the problem and how i don't see my contribution to his porn usage...

My partner claims they are trying to do better but it was everywhere so I'm always anxious and I try my best to see if he's doing anything bad but it's so taxing it would be awesome if anyone knows some free apps that could help

I’m sorry this is sort of a long post

So D Day was about 5 months ago. My husband has told me he has not gone to watch anything since that day, he is going to therapy, and seemingly seemed to be doing better. The other day I found out about a new fetish he has developed and I don’t really know how to go about it

During our first D Day about 3 years ago I found out he had a fetish for larger midsections and would watch videos related to women touching and grabbing their stomachs. I didn’t really know what to do with this information as in comparison to the things he watches, I am pretty much the opposite. It made me feel really insecure about myself and my body as it wasn’t what he seemed to deem “desirable.” It didn’t help that I already had major body issues and an ED. After we got through this D Day I sort of pushed this out of my mind as it was a pretty traumatic time for us.

Well, recently my husband has started to drink soda. He never really liked anything carbonated before but has picked up a new liking to soda. I didn’t think anything of it until one night he was acting super weird, he looked nervous, and his heart was POUNDING. I ask what’s up and he tells me that when he drinks soda he gets super aroused at the idea of it being unhealthy and him getting bigger. I was really taken aback as I saw this as very strange, but looking at it now it relates to his previous fetishes. He wasn’t acting on or masturbating to anything so I let it go.

Then the other day we were having sex and he asks me to call him fat and a “big boy” which made me extremely uncomfortable so I was honest and said I don’t think I can do that. He seemed pretty upset and told me it really gets him off and he “needed” me to do it, but we haven’t needed anything like that for good sex up until now. The other day he was acting weird again, so i ask what’s was wrong and he lied to me a few different times saying everything was good and he was upset I was asking. I knew something was wrong so i keep on pressing him to be honest. Finally he told me that recently he’s liked to sit in his car, chug a soda, and listen to certain songs as it aroused him. To make sure I didn’t find out he would delete stuff from our Spotify and make sure I never saw any cans in his car. He told me it never led to masturbation and it’s “just a weird fetish” he has.

My worry is this fetish will lead into more and he will eventually fall back into porn, masturbation, and watching those videos I caught him watching in the past. In our whole 7 year relationship I have never seen addictive tendencies towards anything other than the porn, I guess I didn’t know many people end up moving towards other addictions when they stop porn or masturbation. We’ve been trying to build back trust from the last DDay, but I don’t know how I can trust him when he keeps on lying and hiding stuff from me.

I guess I just need some advice on how to go about this situation? I told him he needs to talk to his therapist as this could get very unhealthy very quickly, but he seems to just push it down to “just being a fetish.” Anyone with any experience on how to go about fetishes or new addictions that come up after porn addiction?

I told my husband that if he relapses again I will file for divorce.

He told me that that's not supportive of him during his recovery and i should be supportive of him. and that i either need to do it or don't and not to give him an ultimatum and not to threaten him.

Is this a threat? A ultimatum? A boundary?

I haven't tested it yet. But not only can you delete them, but under View you cam find Hidden Games.

More ways for those PAs into P related games to deceive

I played on my PS5 then decided to check out the games on the play store. 14 games in the new games for you is Hentai Shop. Ffs!!! You managed a hentai shop. I'm so sick how fast this stuff is spreading. Faster each day. The generations to come have no hope of not being fully addicted.

Last night was a huge test for our relationship. My PA is almost 100 days clean since D-Day and has been actively engaged in his own individual counseling (IC), our marriage counseling (MC), and weekly 12-step meetings while looking for a sponsor. Since D-Day, we’ve had a few issues with trickle truths about the nature of his porn use, which we’ve discussed in MC in relation to his intense, lifelong shame. I’ve repeatedly told him that lying to me is significantly worse and harder for me to get over than his secretive use itself.

Last night, he was lying down in our room with the kids. My desktop computer is in our bedroom, while his is in his office, and I needed to use the computer to journal for the day. I’ve started journaling by writing comments on podcasts, articles, and Reddit posts I come across each day, reflecting on what I’ve learned from them. That day, I had been reading material from Love Is Respect about domestic violence, including an article on rebuilding trust after infidelity. It had some hard-to-swallow points about how my betraying partner still has a right to privacy and how it’s my responsibility to decide whether I trust him or not. The article essentially cautioned against reactive abuse, and I really needed to read it.

So far, my husband has relinquished total access to his devices and accounts, and I’ve gone through them, finding plenty of upsetting things. We’ve reached a point where he acknowledges that there are probably endless things I could find that would upset me, and I am starting to accept that I need to either take it all in stride or let it go in order to move forward.

After reading the Rebuilding Trust article, I told myself it was time to stop digging and start operating as if I trust him. I went to open the article on his desktop using the Brave browser, and for the first time ever, I received a notification asking if I wanted to open it in Off The Record Mode, which would prevent it from saving any data in the browser history. Immediately, alarm bells went off—why was this feature suddenly turned on? I took a picture of the notification and sent it to my husband, asking what it was. He responded that he didn’t know.

A few minutes later, once both kids were asleep, he came into his office. I asked if he had anything to tell me, and he admitted that earlier that day, while we were attending a betrayal trauma recovery conference, he had remembered an old porn account (he had dozens). He said he quickly logged in and deleted it while sitting next to me. I knew this was something he had been doing since D-Day—part of his recovery involves permanently deleting these accounts so he’s no longer tempted. Not deleting them had been a major reason for his repeated relapses when he was secretly trying to quit porn on his own behind my back.

He insisted he didn’t know what Off The Record Mode was and swore up and down that he hadn’t turned it on. I didn’t believe him. I thought he was making up the story about deleting his old porn account. I completely lost my shit, asking if he thought I was stupid. He kept insisting he was telling the truth, eventually breaking down in tears because he was trying not to be defensive and didn’t know what to do. Meanwhile, I was on the verge of a full-blown nervous breakdown, convinced there was no way this setting had been turned on by coincidence.

Trying to calm myself, I searched online to see if there was any logical explanation.

“If Brave OTR suddenly appeared on your browser, it likely means a website you’re visiting has sent a Request-OTR header. This is a signal asking your Brave browser to open the page in Off The Record mode, preventing your browsing history from being recorded on that specific site. This could be because the website prioritizes user privacy or deals with sensitive information.”

I reopened the website on my phone browser and saw a completely different notification—one I had dismissed earlier without reading. It basically said: “Heads up, your abuser can see your browsing history, so make sure you visit us in private browsing or delete your history.”

That explained why the Off The Record Mode feature only appeared for this particular website and not for any other sites I had visited on his computer—including old porn websites I had checked while digging through his Google search history from years ago.

He had been telling the truth.

I cautiously apologized, explaining that my gut told me something was off, and I absolutely cannot ignore my instincts after spending so long succumbing to betrayal blindness. He understood. I think this experience really drove home for him the consequences of successfully deceiving me for so long: I no longer have any way to instinctively tell whether he’s lying or telling the truth.

It’s honestly tragic.

I'm asking because my entire experience of sex and intimacy was with a severe PA and I walked right into another relationship with another PA and I noticed a lot of similarities sexually although their personalities are entirely different.

I don't think I even know what normal, healthy sex and intimacy is like anymore.

Potential TW describing sexual acts

I know what it isn't supposed to be, a cold dead stare and awkward forced positions and degradation. But this whole spitting, choking, putting fingers in your mouth, obsessed with certain clothing and "porn camera angles", squirting, certain lingo and just a general pushing of boundaries. I feel confused because one of them was entirely unaffectionate and couldn't look at me half the time and the other was extremely affectionate and even considerate at times, looked at me with "love" but still followed this porn sick pattern during sex..

Does anyone know what normal sex should be like? I don't even know what to expect and that's really sad to admit but I figured if anyone would understand it would be this sub.. I'm finding it hard to even know what I like anymore and what I'm just used to. thank you.

My spouse and I are currently working to build back stronger, which is going well, but I can’t find it in me to tell him that I forgive his actions. Some people say the forgiveness is for you, not the addict, but I don’t feel that way. I think by me saying I forgive him is like saying: I accept this, I’ve fully moved past this, don’t worry about it anymore, etc. And, I don’t feel any of those things. I think I’ll be in my grave before I genuinely can forgive him. In my mind, the forgiveness only takes weight off his shoulders and helps him sleep at night knowing his wife “forgives” everything he did and is no longer upset.

However, I am happy with our rebuild so far and am hopeful that it continues this way. Is it wrong of me to want to move forward but can’t find it in my heart to forgive?

i can’t deal with it anymore it’s so random and hurtful. i can be doing anything anywhere in any mood and i’ll just start seeing all of it. most of the time it’s two specific things, the anime character ai he was sexting and picture of a cosplayer with about 18 boob jobs… i think it’s because those were the worst in terms of humongously unrealistic breasts. it’s like my brain took a screenshot and photographically memorized every pixel and it overtakes my vision sometimes as if i have no choice but to see it again and again and again.

i’ve always had issue with being small chested, im skinny and have struggled with ED all of my life so i’ve never had more than an a cup. i never felt like i would be enough for anyone because of this and my partner made me feel like they were good enough for him:/ he paid them more attention then anyone ever had and i felt like finally i’d found someone that i would be enough for sexually. and then i saw all of that.

i can’t get it out of my head it’s been almost a month and he’s been doing everything right but i see these things so often and ofc came the accompanying thoughts of: what he was thinking, how many times he used them, how he could ever possibly be attracted to me in comparison to that, and other worse thoughts some of us are more than familiar with. i just don’t know what to do

i can literally be anywhere with anyone and at any moment my brain just presents it to me and it’s so often so many times everyday it’s really starting to weather my already deteriorating mental health. i don’t want to feel like this anymore i’m so tired and i can’t deal with these reoccurring images constantly reminding me of everything i’m trying to not think about every second of every day.

i know there’s probably no solid way to stop or prevent these things but dealing with it like managing a trigger just doesn’t work for me. i’ve always thought of myself as mentally strong when i need to be but it’s making me feel so weak. i can’t take it anymore genuinely. have been thinking of going to a mental ward but i know it won’t help i just have no idea what to do.

*i can’t afford therapy right now but as soon i can trust me i will.

My ex being a porn addict, along with emotionally abusive and manipulative tendencies led to the downfall of our "relationship". But thankfully I've healed for the most part.

If they like porn so much and find you to be unreasonable for being against it why don't they just leave?

Once it got to the point where his intermittent dating app usage became unbearable (with the excuse of me being too "mentally ill" to commit to, but would also incessantly harass me when I'd try to leave) I would suggest breaking up whenever yet another conflict would come up. I remember saying multiple times "If you think I'm so insecure and jealous for not liking porn, and you are an avid porn watcher that's simply an incompatibility and we shouldn't date".

He would refuse. He would try multiple methods. From saying im too insecure and making fun of me to being against it, to saying yeah I guess we should break up you have too many issues why is it an issue if I watch porn if I deleted dating apps, to saying he sees where I'm coming from and would change when he didn't succeed with making me feel bad about myself after points 1 and 2.

Everything BUT leave, I initiated break-ups so many times and gave him an out. I would even refrain from going through his phone and would just insist that if he doesn't see an issue with it we should just break up. It would all end in him trying to make me feel crazy, and if that didn't work he'd start spouting false promises of change knowing damn well he wouldn't. It just doesn't make sense to me, would it not just be easier to find a woman who is ok with porn and he actually finds attractive?

Good day everyone,

Inside the comments you can post any victory you'd like. Whether it be a small or big victory, a personal victory or a joint victory with your partner or you felt extra good today. No victory is too small to be celebrated!

I hate living like this. I hate that it’s all because of him. Why would he get into a relationship with me, knowing how I felt about porn and knowing that he was an addict? Why would he do this to me? I thought he loved me.. But you wouldn’t do this to someone you love. I would have never done this to him.

I’m so tired of all the thoughts and worries and anxiety and heartbreak and pain that being the wife of a pa brings. It is so painful. I’m so tired of it all. I love him. And I feel SO incredibly pathetic for loving a man that has lied, betrayed, cheated, yelled, hurt, and been emotionally abusive to me. I hate myself and I hate my life that I live.

I miss having sex regularly with my husband. Ever since his porn addiction got really bad, we have sex so rarely, like, maybe once or twice a week. I feel so undesirable and ugly. I know I’m fairly attractive, but the one person I love and want attention and sexual relations with, would rather look at people or cartoon characters on a screen. He makes me feel ugly. It’s so heartbreaking. I just want a husband that wants to have sex with me, instead of his hand while he stares at other people. Are there men out there that still want sex with with women instead of masterbating to porn?

I just found out this morning that in march way before he started his recovery he searched up “sexy ass” on YouTube and watched twerking videos.. which hurts like hell, I have been able to handle his addiction cause it’s always been just porn videos but the fact he looked at women’s pictures and those videos makes me want to puke, it feels personal and honestly I don’t think I’m good enough, those women look way better than I do. What hurts even more is that he has had my nudes for years, I’d send him nudes almost every single day, I’d dress up for him and everything and yet he chose to look at other pictures of naked women and not me. I am at my breaking point what else do I need to find out??? I never want to dress up for him again I never want to send him a picture of myself fuck I don’t even want him to look at me anymore.

To preface, I don't have an issue with my partner watching porn. I will watch it from time to time. I have communicated two boundaries with porn to him in the past, because this has been an issue for us before: 1) Don't let it affect our sex life and 2) Don't watch it while I'm in the house.

For background, my only other serious, long-term relationship when I was 16 to about 18 with a guy who was actually, seriously addicted to porn. We never lived together for any long period, but I would stay over for several weeks at a time and several times I walked in on him masturbating to porn. He would masturbate 5+ times a day at times and he made comments about my body that made me extremely insecure. It drove me to become gym obsessed and take supplements that my body didn't actually need at the time. You can see why I left that situation. It had damaging impacts on my self-esteem that I had to work through.

Fast forward to my current relationship. We have lived together for almost four years now. Our sex has always been great, an amazing connection in bed, and sex anywhere between 1-3 times a week, consistently. He knows about my past relationship and the affects it had on me.

The first issue with porn with my current partner happened about 1-2 years ago. He was having trouble staying hard in bed and he eventually told me he had been watching porn too much and even while I'm at home in another room. My current boyfriend treats me great, has always made me feel beautiful and appreciated, but when this happened I felt like I was reliving my past. I started wondering if all men do this, and if so, would I be better off just being alone.

When this happened, he went to therapy for it for a while and I thought the issue went away. But recently, I thought I caught him watching porn when I was home, while I was in the kitchen meal prepping. I couldn't prove it so I let it go. The next day was his birthday, so I put on my Victoria Secret lingerie and we started having sex, but he went soft. I know performance is a sensitive subject for men, but I know my partner. If he is going soft, it means he's been watching too much porn, and he later admitted that he has been.

I haven't been speaking to him very much. It's hard to put into words how hurtful and unsettling it is for me to know that he has been watching porn when I'm home. Why can't he just wait until I'm not there? Or why can't he just wait until I'm not busy and in the mood?

Is every man like this? We were progressing to getting engaged and eventually married. We've talked a lot about buying a home together and having kids. But I don't want to deal with this for the rest of my life, and I feel that is what I'd be signing up for by staying. If it's like this now, what will it be like when I'm pregnant? After birth? When we have an infant? When life gets more stressful?

Posting this anonymously because I don't feel I can talk to many people in my life about this. Everyone I know, knows my partner and I don't want to embarrass him or have them think differently of him. Please no comments lecturing me how porn is normal and has nothing to do with me. I am firm with my boundaries with it and I'm convicted in my belief that I don't think I'm asking for that much when I ask that he respect those boundaries.

I’ve never really discussed how deep this issue is. I’ve told my husband some of it and a friend of mine but never in detail because I’ve been so embarrassed of this probelm I have. My husband and I have been married a year now and together 4. He’s an incredible kind hardworking man. He’s the sweetest and takes excellent care of me. But he has struggled with porn issues in the past. We’re now both strong Christian’s and have overcome that problem. But it’s given me really terrible self self esteem issues. I don’t know exactly when it started. I’m guessing 2 years ago but it’s only got worse. Everyday sometimes 2-3 times a day I look up his past partners on social media. I mean every platform , facebook instagram tiktok twitter. And look at every photo every post every comment every tag. Everything. I even look up all their family members just to look at pictures of them or find more information. This happens really 2 times a day everyday and has only gotten worse. I don’t know what to do. He’s never even talked to any of them after they stopped talking, never hinted at them in any way. But once I found out his problem it’s just made me so insecure. I’m constantly searching to see if they have better bodies, personalities, I don’t even know. It’s seriously destroying me though. It’s resulted in me having painc attacks, I’ve lost so much weight from it. It’s destroying me inside and out. What is wrong with me ? I’ve never heard of anyone else having this problem.

My partner, who undoubtedly believes in feminist values and women’s rights, who is in disbelief at the sexism women face in regard to employment etc, who I fundamentally thought was not an objectifier, said this to me today after a CSAT session by himself. He said that for basically every woman it would be a passing thought.

I said “I would think that, idk, for example when you’re engaged to me, those thoughts would go away.” And he said “I guess not…”

I don’t even know if it’s the porn. My partner just isn’t the man I thought he was. He is so morally righteous and a goody two shoes about so much.

He hasn’t had a “real” adult relationship before, with true intimacy. Now he wants that now that everything’s in the open.

But I’m so humiliated. I’m so deeply monogamous. He was daydreaming of having sex with these women, maybe thousands of women, while I was totally committed to him.

Now, I have dreams about hooking up with a coworker. I’ve always found him attractive but stopped my self from any inappropriate thoughts as soon as they started before our real d day. I find myself fantasizing about other men more and more. I’m really resentful and feel slighted.

So I have control of his Reddit account since D Day. He consented and gave it to me in the summer. He was sneaky and didn’t interact, so the data pulls that I did didn’t give me much. Just sticky thumbs where he’s upvoted or downvoted by mistake. Anyway, I emailed the privacy team invoked my rights to access all data that is related to MY account. It’s taken 30 days but today I’ve got all typed searches plus number of times things were searched. So all the girls, all the genres, all the subreddits FUCKING EVERYTHING! This is not for the faint hearted so please make sure you are in a good space and only do this if you are dealing with continuous lies and reluctance to tell the truth. He’s had nearly 8 months to open up and I waited until I felt I’d given him enough time to confess and tell me first. I’m glad I waited but FUCK 🤯🤯

I've tried everything with my boyfriend PA and time and time again I'll find something new to vomit over. I can't bring myself to be intimate with him anymore or even be naked around him. I started sleeping with clothes on again and shower time is my private time now, no fucking peeking. I don't want to sleep with him anymore because the thought of being sexual with him, myself or anyone makes me feel sad and sick to my stomach. Do you think this opens his eyes? My tears and the cuts on my arm won't so yeah...

I’m feeling pretty calm right now. I’ve made steps in my plan to leave. Normally, I get sucked back in within 24-48 hours after another let down, another argument. Not this time. I’m seeing it for what it is. I’ve been in an abusive relationship for 12 years trying to convince myself and others that he is not abusive. I remember the day one of my bridesmaids begged me not to marry him. And after that, I’ve never spoken to her again. A few years after we were married, my maid of honor also made similar attempts to try and get me to leave. I was fooled into thinking these were toxic friends. I don’t talk to either one of them. Looking back, they saw it and tried to protect me. I’ve tried to convince myself the “breadcrumbs” he leaves behind with occasional thoughtfulness and affection are true change.

He’s not sorry. He’s not going to change. He’s never going to be able to give me the emotional connection I desperately crave or be attuned to my emotions. He won’t nurture me or calm my nervous system. I’ve developed so many skin problems since being with him - rosacea, hives, etc. doctor has always told me it’s “stress”. I’ve lived in chronic stress for years thinking it’s “not that bad”.

This time feels different for me.

I love reddit, I've had many moments where I felt understood and that I'm not alone with everything I think about. But I also hate it, cos there is just so much porn/sex and it's so normalised. It seems like every guy on here is obsessed with it. And I'm starting to resent the amount of women posing nude,showing everything and offering it to them. It's grating on me. Is the world really this depraved? I'm happy just looking at trees and clouds. Sorry for the rant.

I don’t really know what to do anymore, I feel like he broke me as a person, and as a woman. We lived together and when we began dating I expressed that I wasn’t comfortable with him watching porn but if it was something he really needed to get off it wouldn’t bother me that much. But he agreed to make a commitment to not doing it anymore. I felt secure for the first time ever, I felt like my body was enough, for once. Then I saw his recent twitter look ups, and I asked him about it, obviously extremely hurt. He swore it was old, I swore it wasn’t because there was something he had searched before it to do with a conversation we had at the time, but he really insisted he’d never do that to me so I trusted him. And again, more i found on Reddit. Swore it was old. Finally one day I found everything, and there was no denying it for him anymore. It hurt so much, it was the worst betrayal i had ever felt in my entire life.. not even because of the content but the fact he had lied so easily about it. He had confessed he was watching it basically everyday. This became a cycle… I’d find it, he would deny, I’d bring up why it’s concrete proof, he’d fold. He never stopped trying to lie about it, even after seeing how much it hurt me when I finally found out. I was almost hospitalized for my depression because of it. I remember just days before telling him how I felt so safe with him, how I felt like I could genuinely trust him without a doubt. One of the times he had done it i was in an ambulance on the way to the hospital due to an unknown head issue at the time. I had been puking and hardly conscious, he watched ERs come in and put my IV in and everything. Before he even texted me to figure out which hospital I was at or if I was okay he did it again. Eventually i broke up with him after finding him doing it one last time, and I moved out. Before I left I had seen texts of him telling his friends he couldn’t wait for me to be gone because of how annoying I was. It ruined every last bit of spark i had left in me, ive felt destroyed ever since. Completely unable to view myself as attractive. I feel as if I’m someone to settle for. I recently got into a relationship with someone new, and hes really great, im just so scared of that betrayal again. My mind tells me im not pretty at all to him, I can’t shake the feeling. I feel hideous.. how do I get over this?? How do I talk about this without him feeling like it’s his fault?? How do I talk about this without feeling overbearing?? Im just so lost.

Hello! I recently posted in another sub but thought I’d move over here for some more advice.

I recently discovered on my birthday a few months back that my partner was watching porn. I learned that his porn preferences seriously do not align with my morals. My partner frequents rape, teen, and jailbait. I discovered where they would use yandex, sites like motherless, and that in the past most of the terms were either tiny extra petite teen anal rape or jb forums or jailbait anal and jailbait ai. This has been devastating for me. I knew something was wrong because of how their habits were affecting our sex life. We had a lot of issues outside of sex but discovering this shattered the last bit of trust and safety I had in this person. We had a baby girl together. I did call the police when I discovered jailbait being searched, but they wiped their device before they could get in and apparently there was no probable cause because I did not state that I saw children.

They have now been porn free(as far as I know). I have access to their devices, they treat me better than ever and are willing to get therapy with me but something inside of my heart is broken. He even stopped smoking weed, a vice that caused major disassociation in him for years. He seems do be doing well.. but I am not doing well and recently took a trip across country to stay with my family as this has not seemed to be something I am capable of moving forward from. He claims that he is disgusted, ashamed, would never hurt anyone in real life, and would not look at young girls in real life but those were real girls they were looking at on the devices so I find that to be a lie. They say they were introduced to porn at a young age and that it’s been the categories they’ve been watching since a child but I don’t like that excuse either, as a parent and person of this age I feel you should have known better, recognized the abuse, and refrained. What I saw traumatized me, and imagining them turned on by it is repulsive. I imagine when our girl hits puberty being around him and it scares me. I imagine her wanting to invite her young girl friends over and it scares me. I don’t want to live like this but I don’t want to split my family up. It brings back so many things they’ve done and said, like defending our older son’s teacher when he was caught with a minor and us not wanting to tell his older boy what happened to his teacher. Defending the news calling prom girls hot when I pointed out that what they said was highly inappropriate. When I had a miscarriage he comforted me with well maybe it was a boy.. as if that made it better.. He doesn’t hangout with friends hardly ever but before I moved across country to be with him he was hanging around a woman with a teen kid. He claimed to have been hanging out for his kids her age to have someone to play with but now I second guess, I remember him liking her and calling her mature. He even started talking to me when I was 20 and he was a decade older. It didn’t seem weird at the time cause I thought I was so mature. Being 26 now I couldn’t fathom dating someone that young. He gets very offended by my fears as he says it wasn’t about the age it was more so looking for youngish skinny girls in a more innocent category. I do NOT believe that. He said he’d go to therapy. We did one couples appointment but he denied having an addiction and more so talked about my issues because of my response to this, how he thinks I have bpd. The therapist said she does not believe that and sees more ptsd than anything. I recently told him I want to see a therapist that specializes in sex therapy and that he needs to be open. I can see how his early exposure, disassociation, and addictions led up to this. But there were so many things that went into this, so many lies, he’s emotionally abused me over me having suspicions before I knew, I’ve dealt with him treating this family bad. Most of all I’m just terrified that his preference and the man who was capable of hurting me so deeply emotionally is still in there.

I don’t want to hold demons against a changed man but I also don’t deserve to live my life scared with eyes peeled around young girls. He says that me leaving and calling the police, and hearing my words on how terrible it is to contribute to this abuse, to see me scared to have our daughter around him, he said all of this has changed him and his desire for that is squashed and that he’s disgusted in himself. I don’t know if I fully believe that. I wanted sex with him day and night and he’d deny me to hide and look at that. He did the jb forums on my bday right after the kids got home. It scares the daylights out of me. I feel like I lost the man who was supposed to protect us and right now I’d rather be alone.. but I don’t want a broken family.

I guess my questions are these. Can porn addiction lead to somebody masturbating to something they truly don’t like? I know like with any addiction you need more of a hit for it to feel the same, but can somebody just stop liking these things when they spent years consuming this material? Is this something that could actually be left to the past and grown from? Am I and my daughter in danger? Is he totally lying when he said he wasn’t looking at minors when typing in jailbait? Can he really just never want to look again or will he be fighting the urge the rest of his life? Ive cried everyday since finding this out. When do I know when to give up? And how do I know he’ll never return to this? I don’t want to be with somebody who has a preference for rape and young girls. I want a safe family.

I am broken hearted and trying to decide if I need to get my ducks in a row or give us one last chance. I’m very lost.

If you read everything thank you.

TLDR discovered partner searching terms that have minors. I’m ultimately if this is something anyone can ever truly not go back to.

Hi everyone ❤️

Can anyone please advise us on any good porn blockers please? We have been looking into porn blockers, there’s so many. Which ones are effective please? Which ones do you guys prefer and work well for you?

Thank you in advance 👍🏽❤️

I have dated 3 porn addicts in the past. Each for ~2 years. They were the most draining experiences ever, the 2nd one being the absolute worst. In each of those relationships, I would have dreams about them watching porn, and when I looked through their histories and other places, I'd always find something, and we'd argue.

That honestly left me quite traumatised, having done that for nearly 6 years of my life, almost daily.

I now have a good partner who does not watch porn, and understands my past experiences and is always very open with everything and reassures me if needed. We live together, have an amazing sex life, if we are ever apart, we do stuff together on the phone. I really have never felt less worried ever, I can genuinely feel it in my soul that he is trustworthy.

The issue is me. I keep having the same dreams I would have with my exes. I wake up in tears and stressed, feeling the same nasty feeling I'd felt back then, when you dread finding something on the phone. I always talk to him about it and he reassures me, lets me check whatever I need. And I really don't feel that horrible dread with him, so I don't feel that concerned.

But this is getting too hurtful for me, seeing my partner cheat on me like that weekly, often even daily if I've been stressed (from other factors).

I just had the worst dream I've had with him, and felt the worst dread and feeling ever. And of course I got reassured and I feel calm and genuinely not worried, but these dreams are so hard on me, and I also don't want him to feel tired of me, though he said he never would be. And it also puts this very hurtful thought in my head, that if I make him feel like I dont trust him, he might just start watching porn because I do all this anyways, so he might as well (he wouldn't, I'm just paranoid)

Anyways, I'm sorry for the long post. Does anyone else experience this? Have any advice on how to help this/supress it?

Wishing everyone strength x

They will never change

PA ex and I broke up two months ago on the dot: our last contact was December 12.

I checked today (I know I shouldn’t, but it gives me reassurance that I’m not crazy)

He followed a big busted red head (some kind of crypto influencer, no OF but dresses suggestively / self sexualized, push up bras, tight clothing etc, in bikinis), a dating coach..

(Note I’m not at all shaming this woman, it’s totally possible to wear those things and not self sexualize! She is catering to the male gaze. Her audience and commenters are entirely male)

When we broke up he claimed that if he ever relapsed it wouldn’t be on his “type” (curvy redheads and Black women)

I have to laugh a bitter laugh. This man gave up a lifetime of love and companionship with someone who would love and care for him, who forgave his faults, who tried to help him, who was gentle and kind and loving for… what?

A lifetime of emptiness? Constantly chasing influencers who don’t care he exists? Commenting desperate and thirsty things on their posts? They will never answer him, let alone go out with or sleep with him. He will die alone.

Pathetic.

I needed to rant to people who truly get it.

Recently my husband called me to ask how the things are going (we've separated more than 3 months ago and I said in the beginning that it's all over and I want a divorce).

We've been almost in no contact since then except from one meeting when he gifted me a Christmas present. During this meeting I asked him when we're going to file the application and he said I'm spoiling his mood. Like he gave me a present and I can't shut up and stop talking about negative things (our divorce). Lol.

So some time after (2 weeks), he called me and asked how's it. And I raised the question about the divorce again saying that I don't have time to talk to him, but I want to talk about meaningful things as I want to move on (I was going to a cinema with someone and it saved me from a long ass conversation with DARVO lol).

Yet he blamed me for rushing the things and said I'm shallow and don't feel sad as much as he feels if I want to file for it first. It was so frustrating yet pleasing to hear what he says since it proved I did the right choice and decided to move on and separate. Like, dude, I feel anxious because we have this unresolved relationship, I need to end it to close this chapter. Still, he behaves like a baby boy and wants to control me with papers. He also sounded so surprised when I mentioned the divorce. I can't and will not understand it. Now I even don't want to know what's in his head.

What's more -- after this conversation he wrote to our mutual friend he needs to meet with him and get some support as he's depressed due to some "personal life". When a friend of mine met with him my ex told him that he decided to leave his job and find a new apartment. When my friend asked him what about your marriage? He said: "nothing, what can I do?". Yeah, dude, really. What you can do now if you haven't done it within 7 years? You can only pretend how you love me, imitate this process but in reality this is how he treated our relationship. It was the only one friend who could support him and he rejected. These people live in the reality where everybody wants to either dominate them or suppress. So it's easier for them to put a bling eye and behave as nothing has happened.

So this is the high degree denial for me. I'm happy we're divorcing now. I can't continue hallucinating together with him. Enough is enough.

He says “I know myself, I know that these therapy sessions won’t help or those group meetups won’t help” It’s so fucking stupid. He hasn’t even tried anything besides watching a couple videos on PA for 15 mins just to “keep me happy”. He’s been a porn addict for over 10 years now. He’s genuinely not doing shit to be better and our d day was in December. I fucking hate this. He only does shit when I cry about it just so he can get me to shut up. What the fuck do I do. How do I convince him. I can’t take this shit anymore.

Before I knew he was masturbating over other women, he’s always known me with bleach blonde hair and while I know he liked that, he would always ask me to have different hair like white/silver or black, brown, or other dark ones. I ended up dying my hair a dark red colour after a few years of being blonde (not because of him) and he seems to prefer the blonde or says things that imply that and he said he would say his type is “blonde” even though when I was blonde he said his type would be “dark hair”. Ig another example is I’m already a little alt but I know he really likes alt girls and e girls, but he (not as much anymore) used to desperately want me to dress more alt and emo and get tattoos when I never wanted tattoos.

Idk. I’m just curious and seeing if anyone relates or if this isn’t PA related.